Silence is Descending
by ber1719
Summary: Rebecca Harris was never one for fantasizing. She had always preferred books and knowledge. But what will happen to her when the best thing that could happen to her comes about because of her dreams? Love triangle warning. Guarnere/OC/Speirs
1. Satellite Heart

_I'm a satellite heart_

_Lost in the dark_

_I'm spun out so far_

_You stopped by a star_

_But I'll be true to you_

"_Satellite Heart" by Anya Marina_

_**November 23, 2007**_

_Dark, lust filled eyes stare at me through a light rain. His smirk sends my heart into a flurry. With a gasp of breath, I lift my hand and shield my gaze from the sight of him. As if this will help the heat now choking my body, coaxing it to the brink of ecstasy when he hasn't even touched me yet. _

_But I know that he will. His eyes hold a passionate promise that makes my knees weak. My pulse increases even more, to the point that I truly believe my heart will jump from the confines of my chest. My blood rushes to the surface, stroking at the flames already covering me. _

_That's when I notice movement between the cracks in my lifted hand. He is slowly moving forward. I hear the sound of his footsteps as he comes closer. It pounds in my ears, vibrations moving through my body until I feel the urge to rush forward to meet him. I stay where I am, why I do not know. I don't think I ever will know. I feel his heat now. I drop my hand, hoping to see that same lustful l look in his expression. I do and I can't help but smile up at him as his fingertips breach the distance and brush softly against my skin. His touch is tender, but at the same time demanding. He looks at me intensely and I realize suddenly that its more than just sex he wants from me tonight. He wants a lifetime and I am more than willing to give it to him. _

"_Rebecca," he mutters my name, but it is not his voice. Slowly, he begins to fade. It is only then that I find the strength to unfreeze to lunge toward him, my hands stretching for him even as his body morphs into that of my father. _

"Rebecca, get up. It's seven o'clock already," my father says above me. His deep, comforting voice fills the room and does a better job at waking me up than any alarm clock. It's been this way for nineteen long years. He was always there, every morning. I couldn't remember the last time my mother had woken me up for school.

When my father's large hand landed hard on my arm, I jumped slightly.

"Becca, get up," he repeated, then his hand left me. I shot up in bed before he could do what I knew he would do next. He stopped on his way to the door and gave me his sly grin.

"You were going to get the water weren't you?" I asked him, unable to keep the smile from my face. He shook his head, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Of course not, sweetheart. Now, get ready. You've got an hour before your first class." I smacked my forehead, jumping out of bed and heading straight to my closet.

"Shit!" I yelled, forgetting for a moment that my father was just on the other side of the door. Instead of the reprimand I was expecting, my father let out one of his long, rolling laughs.

"Shit is right, Becca. Now get ready. I'll get the coffee and eggs ready," he said around his chuckles. I listened for a long moment while he walked down the spiral staircase to the kitchen downstairs. I smiled lightly to myself.

How many mornings had gone by like this? Too many to count, but something about this one felt special. Maybe it was just the dream that had me hyper-aware of everything. I could feel every sensation, could hear every sound, could smell every scent. And suddenly I wondered if maybe something bad was going to happen. Inwardly I scoffed. On a day that had started like this, how could anything go wrong?

Five minutes later, I was padding softly on the emerald green carpet that my mother had just had put down. I looked down at it, loving the way it felt beneath my bare feet but hating it because she probably loved it more than me. I wondered if I really cared that she hadn't given me a second thought since I'd been born. When I walked into the kitchen and saw my father's smiling face, I realized suddenly that I didn't. My father had loved me enough over the years for the both of them.

"Hey, kiddo," he said, grinning at me over the rim of his coffee cup. He pointed toward the island, where my own coffee cup and plate full of scrambled eggs sat. I grabbed them up, walking carefully over to the bar. I climbed up on the stool next to him and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.

"Thanks, Daddy," I said, sending him a smile. He went back to reading the morning paper without saying anything, but I could see the gentle tug at the corner of his mouth.

"Eat your eggs, Becca." I giggled softly, shoveling eggs into my mouth as quickly as I dared. I was already running late and I knew that we would have to race through traffic to get me to school on time for my first class.

It didn't take long to finish getting ready. With twenty minutes left to spare, we got into the car. Dad was in the driver's seat while I slid into the passenger seat.

"So, what classes do you have today, Rebecca?" dad asked me when we were stopped at a red light. I sighed lightly. It was one of busier days and I told him so.

"I've got Biology, Asian Humanities, English, Public Speaking, and Chemistry." My father's eyebrows shot up as he let out an exasperated chuckle.

"Honey, you don't think you're taking too much do you? I mean, I know you took almost all AP classes your last two years of high school, but aren't you overdoing it a little?"

"What are you talking about, dad?"

"Well, how many credit hours are you going for this semester?"

"Sixteen, and believe me, that's a lot less than some of the other students in my classes," I replied, trying to keep my voice light. Truth be told, I was trying to take on a lot, but that was so that I didn't have to work as hard in my last two years. My father looked unconvinced however as we pulled onto the street where my first class was. He pulled up next to the curb and turned to me in his seat.

"Baby, if you ever need help, you know you can come to me right? It hasn't been that long since I was in college myself," he said with a faintly reminiscent smile. I patted his hand, slinging my bag over my shoulder. I leaned between the seats and planted a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Of course I know that, daddy. I love you. I'll see you at 4?" I looked at him as if I'd never really seen him before. I realized now that even after all the time we'd spent together, I still didn't know certain things about him. I didn't know what bothered me more: that he was keeping secrets or that I had only just realized it. I soaked up his hair that was now more gray than brown, his tan skin, the crinkles around his dark blue eyes as he tried his best to smile at me like there was nothing wrong.

"Yeah, I'll see you at 4, baby. I love you too," he said, his deep voice gentle now. Almost disconcertingly tender. I got out of the car, turning around only to wave at him as he pulled away from the curb. I started walking forward, my face still pointed toward our black Suburban.

A second later, my legs were knocked out from under me as I ran into something very warm and very solid. I stumbled as papers flew through the air with the force of my body running into someone else. I lifted my chin, taking in the angry, accusing glare of one of the professors who worked in the history department. I buckled under the cold gaze of Dr. Jacobson. I shuddered slightly, the look he was giving me reminding me briefly of the man from my dream. However, where his eyes had been intense in a very passionate, fiery way, Dr. Jacobson's eyes were filled with disdain and he'd never even met me.

"I'm so sorry, Dr. Jacobson. Let me help you pick these up," I muttered, suddenly humbled in his terrifying presence. His fingers closed around my wrist, heat flaring with every point of contact. I raised my eyes to his, taking him in and seeing that just beneath the surface was something dark. Something dangerous that I knew he had only enough control over. He tossed my arm away from him, sneering as he did so. I stared at him, my eyes widening in response to his hostility.

"I've got it, _thank you_," he spat out, his voice full of so much venom that I shrank away from him in fear. I couldn't explain it, but something about this man sent cold, sickening shivers up and down the length of my entire body.

"_Be careful around this one,"_ a voice whispered softly in my ear. I jumped and I could see by the wicked grin gracing Dr. Jacobson's face that he believed I was much more scared of him than I really was. I refrained from rolling my eyes even as my pulse spiked when I realized that the voice matched those dark eyes and the sexy smirk of the man from my dream. Surprise and panic tore at my throat and eyes until I was sure that I would start crying at any moment.

Why was this shaking me up so bad? Maybe it was because part of me _liked _the voice that had ghosted through my mind. The voice was sexy, almost erotic in the way it twisted things low in my body. I'd never felt like this about anyone. And suddenly a voice appeared out of thin air and I'd melted into a pool of heated liquid. The other part of me, the rational part, wouldn't take that as a reasonable answer. Hearing unexplainable voices resounding in my ears was not a good sign.

I stood up quickly, not saying anything to Dr. Jacobson as I strode away toward my Asian Humanities class. Things were getting a little too weird for me, so I did the only thing I could do. I ran away from the situation. It seemed like I hadn't just inherited my mother's ebony hair or her bright blue eyes: I'd inherited her habit of running from whatever made her feel like she'd lost control.

As I entered the room and took my seat in the second row, my eyes roamed the room, searching desperately for anything out of the ordinary. This day, that had seemed perfect at first, was really beginning to rile me up. I suppressed a shudder as something cold and foreign passed through me. Almost like being doused with water, but it was my insides that were soaked. My blood seemed to curdle in my veins and for a moment, I thought I might be dying. A moment later, the feeling passed and I took a deep breath to calm myself. If I couldn't keep it together by the end of the day, my father would start to wonder if I really was taking too many classes. I shook my head, determined not to let that happen.

* * *

By the time Biology rolled around, I was fine. Or as fine as I ever would be with what felt like a phantom following me and watching me from a distance as I moved to each class. It was the scariest feeling I had ever experienced. Yet, the rational part of me still wanted to believe that it was just my over-reactive imagination getting the better of me.

Professor Klein began his lecture on the cell structure of plants, my mind traveling to places where I didn't want it to go. I thought about the dream, Dr. Jacobson, and the strange voice that had whispered in my ear...I couldn't deny that the shivers that ran up my spine even now at just the memory were more pleasure than fear. I knew it like I'd never known anything else-that the voice belonged to the man from my dream. I shook my head, wondering what was wrong with me. I wasn't normally like this. I lived on logic and knowledge. I depended on my intelligence, my books, to establish myself in the world. The only real friend I had was my father. I smiled, a slight curl of my lips. That was all. But something about it called Professor Klein's attention.

"Miss Harris, would you like to share what's so amusing to you about my lecture?" he said, his nasally voice ringing through the room. I started, my hand jumped to my throat to keep the scream trapped there forever.

"No, Professor Klein, I'm sorry,"I said, my pulse jumping against my palm. I felt it. Warm, alive, pounding just under the surface of my skin and I managed a deep breath to calm myself down. I turned my eyes to the empty paper in front of me. Just as I put pen to paper, focused for the first time on actually learning, the door to the room slammed open. The cold vibrations echoed through the room, filled my very soul with a sickening sense of desperate sorrow. My skin tingled with the sensation, my hands shook, my mouth went completely dry. A man that I have never seen before approached Professor Klein, a tightness to his carefully trained composure that had my stomach tightening in anticipation. The man leaned forward, his lips almost caressed the outside of Professor Klein's ear. And within a moment, the atmosphere of the room shifted. Twisted into something that filled me with dread as my teacher's horror-stricken eyes found my own. A heartbeat passed, and my entire body tightened and twisted until all I could feel was Professor Klein's gaze traveling over me.

"Miss Harris, you're wanted in the Dean's Office," he said, his nasally tone the last thing I heard before my world transformed into something that would eat away at my soul little by little.

I stood up, my fingers curled around the strap of my backpack. I hoisted it over my shoulder, making sure that my face revealed nothing of the feelings that were now coursing through my body. I could feel the eyes of my peers on my body as they evaluated every move that I made. But I ignored them, just as they have all ignored me for the past nineteen years. Slowly, I made my way towards the Dean's Office, a half-block away from Professor Klein's room. My feet moved slower with every succeeding step, somehow I knew that what awaited me at the end of my trail was something so horrible, so awful, that I felt it penetrating every nerve of my body. I wanted to run, but I knew somehow that running would only delay the inevitable. My tongue darted out to slide along my cracked lips. I fidgeted restlessly with the buttons on my jacket, the feel of the wind slid along the bare skin of my hands.

Finally, I found the building where Martin Wilkes' office was. I walked in, let out my breath in a long, drawn out sigh, and then continued down the hallway until I stopped at his door. My heart pounded harder and faster against my chest. My throat constricted. I lifted my hand and knocked softly on the thick slab of wood. A moment later, I heard him tell me to come in. With a nervous gulp, I entered the room that would seal my fate forever.

I noticed at once the sadness and regret in Dean Wilkes' aged green eyes. I stood in the doorway, feeling more lonely and afraid than I ever had in my life.

"Miss Harris, would you mind shutting the door and sitting down?" His voice was soft, almost as if he was talking to a petrified animal that would run away at any moment if you made the wrong movement. There were only a few circumstances that seemed to call for that kind of behavior. I did as I was told, my horror being renewed as reality steadily set in. Something was about to happen. Something terrible.

"Miss Harris, there's no easy way to tell you this. So, I guess I'll just have to say it..." he began, his hands spread palms-up on his desk. I looked between the white palms and his face, trying desperately to make some sort of connection to the news he had to tell me and his behavior. I did it so that I could steel myself to the impact his words would have on me. But for once in my life, I couldn't read the situation.

"Miss Harris," Dean Wilkes said, drawing my attention back to his face, "Your father was killed today in an automobile accident." The world seemed to still, my entire life came to a stop. Poised in that one moment of infinite darkness as pain swelled within me and filled me with a sense of utter hopelessness.

"No," I whispered, needles prickling at the backs of my eyes as thick tears welled up in my eyes. My entire body grew numb with the realization that what he was telling me might actually be true. Then, my resolve kicked in, my mind fighting the urge to believe him. I stood up, my stance defensive almost aggressive.

"No," I repeated, my jaw tensing and my fingers curling in on themselves to press against my palms. Anger filled me in wave after wave, tightening my body until I was sure that at any moment I would explode in a fury.

"Miss Harris?" Dean Wilkes said, his voice cautious as he prepared himself for what I was about to do. But he couldn't possibly know what I would do. A smirk slowly curled my lips, fear enveloping like a cloud over his face. We waited there, staring at each other for a long second, before something in me broke free. It wasn't just the rage at my father's impossible death. It was nineteen long years of pent-up rage, a direct result of the cruelty inflicted upon me by the world. Now there was no one to protect me, to comfort me from the pain of being a complete social outcast. My one true friend in the world was gone. And I could do nothing but let my body be ruled by that innate instinct to strike out at whatever was in reach. I would never be able to recall exactly what had happened to me that day. Of course, who would want to remember the worst day of their entire life?

When Wilkes called in the medical personnel, I even tried to strike out at them. But armed with a needle, I was no match for them. All I felt was a sharp sting before everything around me faded slowly to blackness.

**A/N: Okay so for those of you familiar with my work, I like to put the author's notes down here at the bottom in bold. That was they're sort of hard to miss if you (like me) enjoy reading these little comments. Um...I'm putting this out a lot sooner than I'd thought I would, but I just really wanted it out there before I leave for Virginia, which will be this coming Friday. I'm not completely done with this story. I'm about 18 chapters in right now and if you ever want to know the status of it, you can either go to my profile or to my twitter account. The updates are down at the bottom of my profile and I have the same screen name (Ber1719) on there. You can also use my email to search for me on there. I really hope that you guys like this. I don't know when I'll be updating. I've got an idea about just updating once every week. I don't know...anyway, please review so I can get some feedback. :)**

**Finally, a HUGE shout out to captainty. She's been a big help on this one and well a lot of the good stuff in this story will be because of her inspiration. **

**DISCLAIMER: I own Rebecca and any original plot. I have the utmost respect for all the men of Easy. **


	2. Thunderclap

_In another life_

_I lived before_

_I broke so many things_

_With these two clumsy hands_

_But now I'm steady as a rock_

_And hold your hand in mine_

"_Thunderclap" by Eskimo Joe_

**Becca's POV**

**February 23, 2009**

It had been a year and four months to the day, I mused sadly as I popped an anti-depressant into my mouth and downed it with a glass of water. Even after all this time, even after my mother had already completely moved on, I could still feel the pain of my father's death radiating through me like a second entity residing within my chest.

I could see him everywhere and anywhere I looked. It didn't help that I spent the nights sleeping in his office on the second story of the house that was much too big for the two strangers who resided within its walls. My eyes searched the room, seeing the dusty History books that were stacked neatly on the bookcase in the living room, scanning briefly over the bottles of untouched Vat 69, a blended Scotch whiskey that dad had had to special order. I remembered the day that it came in just like it was yesterday.

_I was thirteen years old, my nose screwed up as dad opened the box. It was filled with seven bottles of alcohol that he'd had to special order from the liquor store down the street. _

"_Daddy, that's what you've been waiting on for five weeks to come in?" I asked him, my tone incredulous. He let out a booming laugh as he dragged the green bottle out of the box. He set it with a loving tenderness on the counter. My eyes were drawn to the liquid. Strangely, even though I was appalled that my father had spent five long weeks waiting on a box full of alcohol, my curiosity in his purpose behind doing such a thing was piqued. _

"_Yes, Rebecca, it is," he said simply, his eyes alighting._

"_Well," I began, knowing that I would have to push him for answers, "Why did you want it so badly?" He turned to me, a knowing look in his deep blue eyes. A smirk unfurled across his face. _

"_Baby, have I ever told you about Easy Company?" _

I shook my head, remembering the hours upon hours that he'd dedicated that day to telling me all about Easy Company of the 101st Airborne Division, 506th PIR. He'd always had an obsession with history, but when it came to Easy Company, he was an absolute fanatic. That day, he'd introduced me into a world that up until then he had only been a part of. And now, I couldn't even look at a history book without thinking about him. I cringed when I thought about how that applied to my dilemma today. It was going to be a day of firsts. I had dropped every one of my history classes for an entire year. Thankfully, I'd gotten away with it up until now. Dean Wilkes had regrettably informed me two days ago that if I didn't take a history class, I would be dropped completely from the university. And I was much too close to the end to have that happen. I had only two credit hours left to complete, so I knew that I had to just grit my teeth and bear the pain. I'd been skipping the class for two weeks, but I knew that today I had to go. Sooner or later, I would have to move past my father's death. Living in the past...well it wasn't living at all.

"_You have to stop existing." _The voice rang in my head, causing the glass to slip suddenly from my fingers as I gave a frightened scream. That voice. Where did I know that voice from? Then it hit me with the force of a freight train. It was the voice of my dream man, a sound I hadn't heard in a little under a year. My heart began to pound in a rapid succession against my chest.

Why now after so long did that voice come back to haunt me? Was it the fact that I was being reminded of my father even more today than I had been in a long time?

Yes, I decided. That was what the problem was. The voice in my head, as I'd figured out a long time ago, was just a hallucination. A very vivid figment of my imagination that I just so happened to enjoy more than fear. An auditory illusion that could still stroke things low within my body, evoking feelings that I had never felt with a man before. Not that I'd had much experience to begin with.

"_Look down,"_ he muttered in my ear, the ghost of those full, pink lips grazing my ear and causing shivers to race up and down my spine.

I looked down, gleaming shards filling the floor beneath my feet. I sighed heavily, stepping carefully over the mess to grab the broom. It didn't take long for me to sweep up all the shattered glass. When I was done, I gathered the pile up with the hand broom and dumped the shards into the trashcan. Checking the clock on the wall, I realized with slight panic that I was running a few minutes late. Without a moment's hesitation, I jogged through the kitchen to the living room and up the stairs to grab my bag. If I didn't hurry, I would be late for the history class that I was dreading. I didn't want to give Dr. Jacobson any other reasons to hate me. At the thought of Dr. Jacobson, I shuddered. Terror made my blood run cold. I could still remember the malice and hostility with which he'd treated me ever since the first day we'd met. I shook my head, willing myself not to think about it as I jumped in my car and sped off toward school.

***

I rushed down the unfamiliar hallway, my feet pounding hard and fast against the floor. Mimicking the rhythm of my pulse like a second heartbeat. Heat spread in a sheen of sweat across my forehead as I tried desperately to reach the door of Dr. Jacobson's room. My bag was swinging violently through the air, smacking my thigh so hard I knew that I would bruise. Finally, my legs came to a halt beneath me. My heart pounded on and my chest heaved with my exertion. I knew then that this was indeed going to be a horrible first day of class.

Dr. Jacobson's name stuck out like a sore thumb on the oak wood finish of the door in front of me and I tried to prevent the sickening shiver that threatened to overcome my body. Feeling anything but relief, I grabbed the door and pushed it open. As the handle crushed into the wall, I closed my eyes tight in fear. I knew with an entrance like that, I was sure to gain everyone's attention. That was the last thing I wanted.

Despite the fact that I wanted nothing more than to turn back around, I sighed heavily. Drawing in as much air as my lungs would hold, I entered the lecture room. My eyes were glued adamantly to the floor, my footsteps the only sound that I could hear. I could feel the weight of those eyes pressing upon my body. The shudder rolled over my skin when a deep, booming voice broke the silence filling the room.

"So nice of you to join us, Miss Harris. Did you get lost or do you have no sense of punctuality?" he asked me, his tone a heavy mixture of condescension and absolute loathing. I stared at the back of his head, at a loss for words.

"_Don't let him treat you that way," _the voice spread like a disease through my body, that same slightly dangerous tone sending a shiver of pleasure and fear down my spine. It was an intoxicating mixture, one that I knew I was slowly becoming addicted to. Before I knew it, I was opening my mouth, something snarky waiting on the tip of my tongue to be unleashed. I knew somehow that my confidence was being bolstered by the reappearance of the phantom voice in my head. I didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing, but for once I was just going to let the pieces fall where they may instead of fighting it.

"I think it was more that I didn't want to be here at all, sir," I replied, making sure that the underlying current of my words was obvious only to him. At last he turned to me, his dark brown eyes surveying me as if I was a spot of dirt in his otherwise clean lecture room. It was the same look he'd given me that first day. I couldn't stop the way my heart constricted painfully in on itself. I couldn't pin point exactly what it was about him that irked me. Maybe it was the peculiar curve of his lips or the way his blue eyes drove like a knife through my body.

"I'd like to see you after the lecture, Miss Harris," he said, fixing his cold and calculating gaze on my own for a moment before turning his attention back to his power point. I shuffled to a seat at the very back of the room, my actions going unnoticed as everyone settled back to watching Dr. Jacobson. The first words of what he was saying faded into the back of my mind as I took out my various supplies for taking notes and let my mind wander over what I expected the rest of the day to be like. By the time I was paying attention, there were only thirty minutes left in the class.

"...Now, tomorrow, I was planning on doing something a little different. For this unit, I want to focus on a few specific points of the people who fought in the Second World War. I was thinking we could start things off with the company of soldiers that has been very widely publicized by Stephen Ambrose and the ten part television mini-series that was based off that book. Anyone want to take a gander at what company that was?" I glanced around at my fellow students, surprised that out of everyone here the one who knew the answer was the only one who didn't want to be here. I raised my hand slowly, hesitantly. Just in case someone else did decide they wanted to answer the question. When Jacobson saw my hand, his face betrayed only a sliver of the obvious contempt he held for me.

"Miss Harris, care to share with us who you think I'm talking about?" I sent him a sarcastic smile before letting it drop from my face. I ignored the burning heat that spread through my chest, setting fire to my lungs and heart. It was ironic that on my first day back in a history class, my father and the pain of his loss was being shoved right back in my face already.

"Easy Company, sir," I said with conviction. I may not have wanted to be in this classroom, especially not with an arrogant, self-centered ass like Michael Jacobson, but I did know what I was talking about. Dad had read to me every book on World War II that he could find, including Stephen Ambrose's Band of Brothers, a novel about the exploits and actions of Easy Company. He'd also bought the HBO series that was based on that book. I thought about the book that remained unfinished in my room, still marked by his fading scent of cigar smoke and cinnamon-flavored breath mints. I thought about the collection of DVDs sitting on top of my television. It hadn't even been opened. My father and I had never had the chance to watch the gallant wartime efforts of Easy Company come to life on the big screen.

Pain ripped me apart from the inside. Unchecked and unchallenged. Making a wreck of my already shattered nerves. A single tear threatened to spill from my eye to my cheek. Pride kept it at bay as I stubbornly kept myself from blinking. I stared blankly ahead, my face the careful mask I'd managed to fashion for such occasions as this. When the pain became almost too unbearable to stand.

"Thank you for that, Harris. You are correct. It was Easy Company that I was talking about. I'm going to be focusing a good deal on not only what they did during the war, but also the men themselves. I'm also going to be giving you an assignment tomorrow. It will have you focusing on one individual, of your choosing, on whom you will create a presentation for the class.

"Class dismissed," his voice vibrated through the room, sending cold shivers up and down my spine. I shook my head, trying to gain a hold on my emotions. I felt weak, so weak at being reminded so forcefully of all that I had shared with a man who was now dead. I gulped helplessly as all the students filed out of the room, leaving only myself and Dr. Jacobson. He was looking expectantly at me as he moved toward me. There was a predatory light in his eyes that gleamed in the overhead lights. My heart began to pound again, waiting for the right moment to burst from my chest and leave me lifeless and bleeding on the floor.

"So, Rebecca, Dean Wilkes told me that you've been avoiding the completion of your history courses," Dr. Jacobson informed me, his arms crossed casually over his chest. To someone else, he might have been attractive. With his chestnut curls, boyish grin, and casual attitude. To me, he was impossible and the light in his eyes was anything but friendly. I stood up straighter, hugging my bag tighter to my side. The smirk that I sent him made the light grow until his eyes were consumed by the flame of his contempt.

"So I'm a little rough around the edges when it comes to history classes. Some people just weren't meant to tolerate the ingestion of the material," I said, my tone venomous and challenging. I wanted him to go where I thought I knew he was going. I wanted a reason to yell at him in his own classroom, to belittle him like he'd done to me since the moment I'd bumped into him.

"Oh I know exactly how you feel about the history courses at this university. I also know _why _you act with such animosity towards the rest of the faculty in this building. The one year anniversary of your father's death just passed didn't it?" A dreaded fear and sorrow shot through me. I didn't want to talk about this with Dr. Michael Jacobson of all people. And I certainly didn't want to have to confront the reality of my pathetic life until I was safely locked behind closed doors. Not again, not for the second time in the same day. I wrung my hands, searching for time. Searching desperately for a way to escape this torture.

"I bet that every time you enter this building, all you can hear, feel, and see is your father," Jacobson sneered, now so close to my ear that his lips brushed my skin. Goosebumps rose along my skin and I had to hold myself back from pushing him away from me. He was trying to get a rise out of me, bait me until I finally snapped under the pressure. I knew it was working, which made me hate him even more.

"Am I right, Miss Harris?" he asked me after a prolonged second. I turned my eyes upward to him, knowing that the tears were shining in my eyes. If the look on his face was any indication, that was not what he had been expecting.

"Yes, you are right, Dr. Jacobson. Now, if you'll excuse me," I said, my voice so small that I was surprised he'd even heard it. All I could feel was that intense need to get away from him, to get out of this room. But it seemed that the young professor was having none of it. He grabbed my arm, twisting me around so that I was flush against the front of his desk. Pain shot through my abused wrist. I cried out in pain, trying to wrench my body away from him. I didn't like the light in his eyes, it was dangerous. A maddening gleam rose there as he sneered down at me.

"What are you doing?" I asked him in a whisper. He considered me for a moment. My quivering lips, my shaking body as he held me, the fright in my eyes. And for a moment, I wondered if he'd been planning this ever since he told me he'd wanted to see me after class.

He was leaning closer, his hot breath fanning against my bare neck. I shuddered even as the anger pulsed through my veins. I could feel it like a second skin spreading across my body. My fingers tingled with it and I raised my eyes to his own, glaring at him. Hating more than I had ever hated anyone in my life.

I felt something rise in me, along with the anger. I felt it flaring just beneath the surface, waiting for the opportune moment to burst through. His hands were now moving up to my upper arms. He leaned in even farther. I could feel the heat from his lips just over the skin of my neck.

"Oh, Miss Harris, we both know you aren't as naïve as that," he whispered, his words flowing from his lips like silk. His words skimmed like a blade against my skin, making the anger shiver and run through my pores as liquid heat. I closed my eyes in trepidation, my fingers curling in on themselves as I wished for anything to save me from this vile man. And as if that fury was mine to wield, Dr. Jacobson pulled away from me with a cry. He cradled his hands to his chest as if they'd been burned. Taking that as my cue, I ran towards the door. My hair flew out behind me, my heart pumping with a delectable rhythm that I could feel pounding in my ears. My fingers closed around the cold handle and I ripped open the door. I ran through it, keeping my barely-contained emotions at bay as I rushed away from the room. I ran for what seemed like hours before I finally came to rest against the wall of the library. The energy seemed to leave me. My legs quaked beneath me and I slumped suddenly against the cool brick at my back. I cupped my face in my hands, my shoulders shaking as I let the tears fall at last.

"_He's not going to come after you, baby," _his voice flowed through my brain, intangible and yet the effect on me was the same as if he'd physically been there holding me in his arms. I could even feel the ghosts of someone hands stroking my hair. I gulped, urging the tears away so that I could think logically again. I could sense that I was losing control of the situation as the thought that this voice in my head could be something other than my imagination overworking itself. And for the first time in my life, I wondered if this was what it felt like to be followed around by a ghost.

**Ron's POV**

**February 23, 1944**

_Somewhere in the distance, I could hear a soft voice. With that soft voice, I knew there was the promise of my skin against hers. My lips on her lips. Possessing her, feeling nothing but her. _

_I ran toward that voice, willing my senses to take over and find her by any means necessary. I had never met her but yet I had a feeling that she was utterly forbidden. Something that fascinated me, excited me to the point that it was almost too strong a passion to bear. I continued on, her soft whimpers filling my ears and heart with something that even I could not identify. I fed on that feeling. I let it consume me and intoxicate me. _

_Suddenly the mood shifted around me. A coldness filled the air, crawled across my skin threatening to eat my alive. I shuddered, knowing that whatever this new horror was had everything to do with her. It was going to hurt her and all I could feel was a desperate urgency to get to her and save her. I charged forward, my legs moving faster and faster until I found her. From where I was, it looked as if I was looking at the scene before me through a glass barrier. I walked forward, testing the glass which I found I could easily walk through. Once I did, I wished for the sake of the man that the barrier had been solid. He had her crushed between the desk and his own body. Fury roared within me, raging to consume my soul. I walked forward deliberately slowly and made to grasp him by the neck. But my hand just floated through his body. Perturbed, I snatched my hand back, wondering what the hell was going on. _

_The terror on her face was nearly too much. How could I save her when I couldn't even touch the man. An idea formed in my head. I leaned forward, my hand outstretched to grab her hand. My fingers passed through her skin, much like they had with the man, but something was different. I could feel something warm brushing against me, almost as if I was touching the very essence of her being. For a few moments, I reveled in the feeling hoping that I could stay like this forever. Touching her in this way...my heart pounded from the intensity of my feelings. As my heart pulsed faster and faster through my body, I could feel something sucking me toward her._

_No, I thought, _into _her. I was being pulled into her body. I wondered at the fact that I wasn't more worried. But how could being so intimately attached to her ever be a bad thing. When I was completely surrounded by her soul, her essence, I knew this was the one place I never wanted to leave. I breathed her in, her scent filling me. I wanted to commit that smell to memory to keep it with me forever. _

_A moment later, something alerted me that she was in danger. _

"_What are you doing?" her voice echoed through my body, making things low in my body tingle. I could feel her body shaking. I could see, feel, him moving closer to her. His hot breath blew against her neck in a thick wave. Revulsion and anger pulsed through me. Why was it that he, a vile and loathsome thing, was allowed to touch her this way and not me? My anger spread through me like liquid heat, flowing through my veins and pushing outwards to the boundaries of her skin. I knew somehow that she could feel it too. _

_He leaned in even closer, his body pushing her deeper against the desk, "Oh, Miss Harris, we both know you're not as naïve as that." The words triggered something in me to burst free. I let the heated fury control me, the energy bursting forth until it broke through her skin. Feeling a smirk curl my lips, I watched as he jumped backwards. The man cradled his hands as if he'd been burned, which I imagined he had been. _

_I became aware of her legs moving beneath her, carrying her and me to somewhere else. Someplace safe for her. At last, she leaned against a brick building. As her legs gave out beneath her, I wished with all my soul that I could hold her in my arms. The anger faded from me, leaving only a sickening sense of helplessness as the tears flowed from her eyes. Her beautiful bright blue eyes. My body separated from hers as I looked for any way to comfort her. Deciding to take a chance, I stroked her hair. _

"_He's not going to come after you, baby," I muttered in her ear. To my astonishment, it seemed to work. She sat up a little, sniffing and wiping at her eyes. There was a confusion and fear in her eyes, but there was also pleasure and happiness. I felt my heart expand when I realized that it was because of me that she was feeling this way. I smiled and slowly faded into the distance, hoping that someday we would meet again._

Consciousness tugged at the corners of my brain. I turned stubbornly over in my bed, willing sleep to take me again. I didn't know what it was, but I wanted to go back to the dream. In a way, I felt like I needed to be near her again, even if it was nothing more than an intangibility. I didn't care what it was, only that it made me feel more alive than I ever had before.

A soft knock at my door seemed to sober me.

"Lieutenant Speirs, are you awake? You said something about an eight o'clock drill last night," Mrs. Williams' voice rang through the doorway. I stood up, shaking my head to clear it of the nonsense that had temporarily fogged my brain.

"Er, yes Mrs. Williams, thank you very much for reminding me," I called to her, noting the chuckle she let out before moving down the hallway towards the staircase. As I dressed for the day, my thoughts continued to wander back to the strange girl. Feelings I'd never felt before raged within my chest. Confusion swept over me. What was happening to me to make me feel this way? I had always been good about separating fantasy from reality. Somehow, this felt different and the girl from my dreams threatened to overturn that carefully maintained control I had over myself. I couldn't let that be compromised. I had worked to hard to get to this point. My men, terrified of me as they were, respected me. I could see that in their eyes when they looked at me. At the first sign of weakness, they would all begin to believe that finally, after all this time, I was finally warming up to them. I could not-would not-let that happen. I clapped a hand over my eyes, hoping against hope that I could stay focused enough today not to be kicked out of the Army.

**A/N: Yeah as you can see, its Ron that has been visiting Becca in her dreams. Um....one thing I forgot to mention the last time I posted is that this story is VERY slow. If you have read Love Melts His Heart, then you should know that my muse loves to take the long, scenic route to get to the end. So, if you were expecting this to be fast-paced then I have to set you straight. Just to put things in perspective- I'm on chapter 20 right now and I've just gotten to episode 3. **

**Please, please, please send me a review if you have the time. I owe captain ty, Sairahiniel, and AivieEnchanted a hug for reviewing the last chapter. They really made my day and I also wanted to thank Dancing Chika, Roossmit, and AivieEnchanted for adding this story on alerts. It really means a lot to me. **

**Last thing (I promise) is I just wanted to remind my readers that if they ever want to know how I'm getting along on this story, you can either go to my profile. I have a section at the bottom for the progress of my story. I also have a twitter account. My screenname is ber1719 if you want to add me. :)**


	3. Help I'm Alive

_I tremble they're gonna eat me alive_

_If I stumble they're gonna eat my alive_

_Can you hear my heart beating like a hammer?_

_Beating like a hammer_

"_Help I'm alive" by Metric_

**Becca's POV**

**February 24, 2009**

_He pulls me closer, his arms encircling my waist. I can feel the heat of his skin pulsing through him and into my body at every point of contact. My cheek falls lightly against his chest. I can hear the pounding of his heartbeat, the only indication that he is just as nervous as I am. I tilt my head back to meet his gaze. He reaches up to brush a strand of hair away from my face. The tip of his finger traces the outside of my ear, making me quiver against him. I encompass my hand with his, holding it to my face. _

"_Don't stop," I whisper into the darkness. My heart wrenches and my hands falter at my sides with the need to feel him again. He has pulled away and it takes all my self-control not to follow him. _

_His voice is hoarse and strained as he says, "You know we can't do anything." I turn my eyes to him, soaking in the sight of his bare chest and his arms. His dark eyes are filled with lust, his jaw is clenched, and his arms are bulging with the effort to keep himself away from me. _

"_And why not?" I challenge him, feeling like we've had this conversation too many times to count, which we haven't. But the truth has always been there, just under the barely restrained surface of our unending passion. _

"_Because we're not really together. You have to wait until you can be with me. In my time," he says, his voice soft now and fading into the distance. _

"_No!" I shout, leaping forward to grab him before he goes completely. My fingers wrap around the empty air. I slump to the ground, all of my energy having been consumed in that one attempt. _

I couldn't get my dream from last night out of my head. I wondered again why it was this man that appeared consistently. I had never seen him in my life, of that I was sure. I would never have forgotten him. His full, kissable lips. The lean muscle covering every inch of his sculpted body. Those black orbs that seemed to stare into my very soul. No, I could never forget a face like that. Something about the dream was irking to me. He'd said that I had to wait to be with him until I was in his time. What could that possibly mean? _You know what it means._ I shook my head, refusing to believe what I thought might actually be happening. Alternate realities, communicating with people I'd never known....none of it had a place in my carefully structured world of books and a thirst for knowledge. But I couldn't forget how quickly I'd accepted the fact that maybe the man from my dreams was something not human.

A ghost. I shuddered, hearing myself say that. Logically, things like ghosts and ghouls couldn't exist. Not in my world, but in my heart I knew that he was something like that. A ghost, or my antidepressants making me hallucinate. Intrigued, I dug through my bag searching almost frantically for a way to solve my problem. Finally, I pulled out my bottle of medication. I turned it over and over in my hands until I found what I was looking for. My eyes scanned the list of possible side-effects. My pulse quickened and my lips darted out between my teeth to wet my lips. I nearly sighed with relief when I saw the tiny printing spelling out the words: **may induce hallucinations** written on the side of the bottle.

Another idea came to mind as I shoved the meds back in my bag. Grabbing my phone from my pocket, I scrolled through my contacts before stopping on the one that read Dr. Mathews. I called him, hoping that they would have an opening for tomorrow for me to trade my current antidepressants for something that wouldn't cause me to hallucinate about a man with dark, intense eyes and full lips...

"Dr. Mathews office. This is Helen speaking," a woman's voice floated out of the ear piece. I smiled thinking about her petite frame and warm, brown eyes.

"Hi, Helen, this is Rebecca Harris. I was wondering if you had an opening tomorrow?"

"Oh, Becca, how are you doing? We haven't heard from you in a while," Helen said conversationally. I heard the typing of computer keys in the background. I assumed she was looking for a time when she could schedule me for an appointment.

"Yeah I've been really busy with school and everything. Though, I have to admit not seeing your face nearly every other day has been taking its toll on me," I said jokingly. It had gotten to the point where now I could look back and find it amusing that I had gone to Dr. Mathews office at least twice a week when my father had first died. It was mostly because the medication they had me on wasn't working or were making me suffer through some of the more severe side-effects like suicidal thoughts and severe nausea. I shuddered, remembering those times.

"Well, Becca, I've got a cancellation here for two in the afternoon. Would that be okay?"

"That would be perfect," I said, a smile curving my lips upwards. The sooner I could get rid of these visions, the better.

"Okay, and what's going wrong with your meds now?" Helen asked me distractedly as I listened to the sound of her fingers typing away on the computer keys.

"Well, I've been hallucinating. It's mostly visual, but I've been getting some auditory too," I replied, keeping my voice low as I passed by a group of students. I noticed that some of them were in my history course. I tried to ignore the antagonistic glares they were shooting at me. Or the whispers that filled my ears as I continued on my way. Defiantly, I shut them out, focusing instead on what Helen was saying on the other line.

"Well that is strange. You've been on those antidepressants for a little over eight months and they're just now giving you trouble?"

"Yes, ma'am," I said, my breath hitching as I realized that I was almost to Jacobson's room. More clattering of fingertips against the keyboard.

"Okay, Becca, I've got you in for two o'clock with Dr. Mathews. We're going to try and assess how bad the hallucinations are and try to either dose down your medication or get you a new pill to try, okay?"

"That's perfect, Helen," I answered, feeling more grateful than I had towards any one person in a while. Helen chuckled. It was a comforting sound, something I knew I would never tire of hearing. In the past year, Helen had become like the mother I'd never had. That was saying something since the last time I'd seen her was two months ago. It was more than I ever saw my own mother.

"Alright, dear, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Bye and thanks again, Helen." I shut the cell phone, turned off the ringer, and stuck it back in my pocket. I heaved a sigh, knowing that at last I was doing something about the visions. But I wondered, for only a moment, if this was what I really wanted. The man from my dreams had made me feel more alive than I'd felt since my father's death. And now I was just going to throw that away? I considered myself for a moment. Of course I was going to get rid of these hallucinations. Of course I wanted to get thoughts of him out of my head. Yes, going to Dr. Mathews was the best decision. I didn't bother to acknowledge that the man had shown up before my father had died and before I had started taking the pills.

Turning my attention back to where I was going, I noticed that my hands were shaking as I walked toward the door of Dr. Jacobson's room. I knew I shouldn't be afraid. I had dealt with worse bullies than him. But my instincts told me that this man had a darker agenda than any of the boys in my high school had had. I could see it in those dark blue eyes of his that he had something planned for me. Something that unless I prepared myself, I would be completely helpless against him. I knew what it felt like to be helpless, unable to save yourself let alone the people you cared about. And I refused to feel like that again.

My trembling fingers encompassed the door handle and pulled it open, my entire frame hesitating in the doorway. Someone cleared their throat behind me and I knew I had to keep moving. I swallowed my fear, allowing it to disperse through my body before it finally floated into a tight knot in the bottom of my stomach. I walked as slowly as I dared to my seat, my books clenched tightly in my arms. My entire body was pounding to the beat of my pulse. A sound that filled me with a rhythm, a mixture of fear and anticipation.

Dr. Jacobson's eyes found mine in an instant. The look of utter loathing that contorted his features sent a shudder down my back. There was anger in his eyes along with fear. As everyone filed into the room, he only had eyes for me. His gaze penetrated into my soul, driving something white hot pulsing through me. It rose like bile in my throat, making my eyes water. The minutes dragged into forever until at last, Jacobson turned away from me. I sucked in the air around me, unaware that I'd been holding my breath.

"Good morning," Dr. Jacobson's voice rang in my head. I turned my attention back to the front of the room, "Now, yesterday I mentioned your new assignment. You'll be focusing on one individual from a list of men who served in Easy Company. Now, all of these men you should be able to find a substantial amount of information on to write a five page essay. I want to know everything and anything you can tell me about them." He turned around to grab something from his desk. He handed it to someone in the front row. I peered over the seats, trying in vain to see what it was.

"That's the list. Just put your name by the man you're going to choose and then pass it on to the next person in your row," Dr. Jacobson told us, his smirk alighting on his face when he met my eyes from across the room. It was a look that sent shivers rolling up and down my spine. It was all I could do not to look away from him. To do so would be to admit defeat, to admit that I was petrified of the man before me. And that was something that I could never let show. I was tired of feeling helpless and weak.

"Miss Harris, are you hard of hearing? Or are you purposefully ignoring me?" Dr. Jacobson's voice taunted me. I focused on him, my eyes not failing to notice the sneers on the faces of my peers. Finally, I looked up at Jacobson, my fingers twisting in on themselves and creating tiny half-moon shapes in my palms.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were talking to me," I replied, surprised that my voice was level as I stared at his dark blue eyes and eerie smirk.

"I was just asking, since you seem to know so much about Easy Company, if you could share what you know about them. What did they do in the war?" By the way he was talking to me, I knew that he believed that I wouldn't be able to give him an answer. I could see by the set of his shoulders and the cocky grin that settled on his lips that he believed he had me backed into a corner. Oh how wrong he was.

"Well, Easy Company was part of the 101st Airborne. The Airborne divisions were a newly-invented branch of the Army. The men in those divisions, paratroopers, were the best of the best. Their whole purpose was to be dropped behind enemy lines. They had to be good or they would have died before they even hit the ground," I concluded, my hands resting slightly on my thighs. I smiled, nostalgia overwhelming me as I remembered the countless nights my father had dedicated to telling me about Easy and paratroopers in general.

I turned my eyes suddenly on Dr. Jacobson, just in time to see the smug expression fall from his visage. I couldn't help but smile at my accomplishment. My heart swelled to burst at the fact that I had finally gotten to him.

"Right, well, that's a very brief overview to say the least," he said, his voice more cold than I had ever heard it before. I glared back at him, determined not to let my confidence slip away again. While we stared at one another, I realized what this really was. A battle of wills. A war for control that had been there brooding under the surface since the moment we'd met. Our staring contest was only broken when another student walked up to me, blocking out the sight of my history professor. I looked up at him, at the paper in his hand.

"You gonna take the paper or what?" he demanded angrily as he stretched his hand out further to drop the paper on my desk. Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I picked up my pen and glanced down at the list of names. I noticed that the time for this class to be over was fast approaching. Feeling another shudder coming over me, I knew that I didn't want to be alone with him again. Not after what had happened last time. So, not really paying attention to what I was picking, I wrote my name next to the first name my eyes fell upon.

_Ronald Speirs. _Something about the name sent something unfamiliar, like static electricity, humming across the surface of my skin. The small vibrations filled my ears so that there was nothing but that feeling consuming my every sensation. At last, I was able to curb my attention. I turned my eyes on the rest of the class, noticing that they were all standing up and making their way to the door. A jolt of panic shot through me and my throat seemed to close in on itself in my terror. My pulse thundered in my ears and I jumped to my feet so fast that I was left feeling dizzy and nauseous. I clutched the back of my seat for dear life, my knuckles soon turning white from the strain. When the door of the room closed with a thunderous finality, I had to increase my pressure on the back of my seat to keep my knees from giving out beneath me. I could feel his presence. Moving ever closer, his body heat consuming me and threatening to burn me alive.

"Miss Harris, I'll take that list now," Dr. Jacobson said, his voice low and dangerous in my ear. Instead of simply taking the paper away from me as I half-hoped he would, his fingers came up to trace against the bones of my left hand. I closed my eyes tightly, wishing that this wasn't happening to me. I bit my lip to keep inside the cry of disgust as his fingers moved ever-higher. Now running along the underside of my forearm. Now gliding softly along my shoulder and collar bone. I gasped softly when his fingers closed around my neck. He did not apply pressure, but I could feel the threat prickling along my skin.

"I could do it you know," he whispered scathingly, his lips so close to my ear that if I inhaled deeply, our skin would brush. Every muscle in my body was ready to fight or flee away from him. I didn't want to acknowledge that the danger was very real at the moment. If I began to think like that, I would panic. And I needed a clear head to determine how to get out of this situation.

"I could strangle the life out of you. And I wouldn't feel bad about it for a moment." Then, his fingers did close around my neck and he thrust me sharply away from him. My hip collided with the wood of the seat beside me, a gasp mingling with the soft noises of his fading footsteps. I inhaled shakily, willing myself not to cry. Even as the tears rose in my eyes, I refused to shed them in his presence. I would not show weakness in front of him. Not for a second. So, I bent forward to gather my books and my bag. I walked with steady, measured steps until I was finally out of his room. As soon as I was free of him, his suffocating intimidation, the tears flowed silently down my cheeks. I couldn't control myself and the sorrow continued to trickle down my face even as the last ebbs of feeling wasted away. I was nothing but a mass of numbness. I embraced it fully, knowing that I would only face my pain when I was alone.

Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the university library, unaware of how I had got there. I wiped the remaining fluid from my eyes and face. Taking a deep breath, I entered the nearly-silent building, trying to ignore the watchful eyes of the students near the door. I walked as slowly as I dared toward the computers in the back corner of the library. Luckily, the history section was near there too. I set my things down at a table, grabbing a notepad and pen from my bag before walking toward a waiting computer. My fingers made quick work of bringing up Google's homepage. My mind was only half-there, focusing on things that were too far out of my control. I couldn't go to the Dean and ask to be switched to another history professor. None of them wanted me. They'd deemed me as unteachable a long time ago. Not that I blamed them, walking into their classrooms was like ripping my heart out and I wanted nothing to do with history after what had happened to me.

I turned my eyes back on the bright computer screen, watching the cursor blinking at me like a human eye. Waiting for me to begin. I heaved a sigh, and wrote on the top of my paper the subject of my research paper: Ronald Speirs. I couldn't pinpoint what exactly about that name sent goosebumps skittering across the length of my body, nor the heat that rose in a flush to my cheeks. I bit back a perturbed smile and typed in his name in the search bar. To be safe I added in the words Easy Company. Almost immediately, numerous reference pages popped up. I clicked on the first one, hoping that Wikipedia would prove to be full of information. As the page loaded, I wondered briefly what the man looked like. I didn't have to wait long. And when I saw the picture on the right side of the page, I gasped out loud.

Dark eyes stared back at me, searching the depths of my soul just as they had in the dream. A half-smile was curved into his lips, making my heart flutter to an unnaturally high rhythm. I could remember the feel of the stubble on his cheek beneath my fingertips. And the way his strong arms had conformed to the curves of my body as he held me close.

This was the man from my dreams. Ronald Speirs was the man.

I jumped out of my chair, not even bothering to close out my search. I had to get out of there. The air was stifling, suffocating me until I was sure that I would die. Surrounded by the prying eyes of my fellow students and the smell of old books imprinted on my mind as I died. I rushed out of the building, gulping in deep gasps of fresh air. It filled my lungs, calmed my thundering heart rate, and cooled the blood racing in my veins. Hugging my bag closer to my side, I reasoned that I needed to go home.

***

I entered the silent house, the slam of the door behind me echoing through the empty rooms. I cringed as the sound penetrated through me to my very core. Working like a hammer against my fragile heart. The house had never sounded like this before my father died. The laughter that had existed in every room had faded, replaced by a cold realization that what had made the house so beautiful was gone. Taken so abruptly away from life that it seemed now that everything was feeling the ache of his absence. Even now, I would sometimes wake up to the sound of my own screams, hoping against hope as I fastened my eyes on the door of my room, that he would come barreling in. That he would embrace me and hold me tight until I had fallen asleep again.

The logical part of my brain knew that it would never happen, but I had to retain the hope that it might. It was the only way I could remain sane. I had to laugh at that last. Now, I was hallucinating and I still, ignorantly, believed that I was sane.

On the long walk here from the university, that same logical part of my brain had been working on overdrive. Somewhere along the line, in all of the times that my father had talked about Easy Company, he must have mentioned Ronald Speirs. Brief snatches of things he had said over the years came flowing back to me.

"_He was a legend, Becca. There were so many rumors spreading around about him that it was tough for anyone to know what was real about the man and what wasn't."_

"_Speirs was probably the best commander Easy had behind Winters. He cared about his men and he was a good leader that they could respect and look up to."_

I shook my head, blinking back tears at the memory of my father's voice. It was so clear, so distinct that I could almost feel his warmth standing beside me as I relived our memories together. The point, I thought as my mind effectively shifted my thinking away from the pain, is that I've heard his name before. Somewhere along the line, I must have seen his picture. He was handsome I admitted and something about him must have stuck with me. And for some reason, my mind had begun to fixate on him as the object of my hallucinations.

I climbed the stairs, my emotional exhaustion manifesting itself physically as well. My muscles ached and my legs protested loudly at every step forward.

"Only a little bit farther," I muttered, willing my body to comply with my wishes. Thankfully, my knees gave way only when I was leaning over my bed. My body sunk into the soft mattress, my mind traveling slowly to places that in consciousness I believed to be nothing more than a hallucination. I never smelled the smoke that burned down my throat as I sucked in breath after breath of the toxic fumes. My mind never registered the shrill call of the fire alarm in my ears, warning me to get out of the house.

All I could see, hear, feel, was the sound of Ron's voice calling for me through the dimensions that separated us. I wanted to go, but something was stopping me. Something that I could not place, something that I wanted to shove from my mind as soon as it had entered it.

"_Don't you trust me?" he asked, his voice husky as it tickled my ear. _I considered the fact that I had never met him in my life, and yet I knew him. I knew him as if we were two parts to the same whole. That's when I realized that in the end, logic was not winning over my brain. My heart was screaming at me to go to him. So, I agreed.

"Yes," I muttered, before being swept away in a mixture of pulsating heat and overwhelming darkness.

**Ron's POV**

**February 24, 1944**

When I walked out of the mess hall, my mind was somewhere else. I couldn't get the woman out of my head. My mind was reeling, trying to pinpoint where I'd seen her. Everything about her was mysterious and completely foreign to me, though not at all unwelcome or unpleasant. From her wavy black hair, to her bright blue eyes and pale skin, to her pale pink lips, she was an enigma. The greatest riddle I had ever had set before me. One that I desperately wished, for whatever reason, to unravel.

Confusion swept over me again as I lit a cigarette and crammed it between my teeth. Why was the memory of this one woman haunting me? Why couldn't I shove her from my mind?

_You know why, _a small voice whispered from the deepest crevices inside my head. Which was true. However, it was just under the surface of my realization. Waiting, for what I did not know. I shook my head, muttering obscenities under my breath.

"Speirs?" a voice called my name behind me. I froze for a moment, knowing that voice and knowing the man that went with it. I turned around slowly, taking my time before those icy blue eyes met mine. I knew that once we locked eyes, he would be able to see right through me. It was disconcerting, the things those eyes noticed. But he, for the most part, kept his observations locked away inside of him, for which I was very glad. Because right now, I had no idea if what was going on in my own mind was sane.

"Winters," I replied with a slight nod of my head in his direction. His eyes searched my face, a pucker between his eyebrows as he strove to figure out what was wrong with me.

"You okay, Ron? You seem distracted," Winters said in that quiet tone of his. I was surprised that he'd addressed me so intimately, but a part of me didn't mind. Because it was Winters and he was probably the most unobtrusive soldier in the whole of Aldbourne. He was only concerned. That in and of itself surprised me. Usually, other men went out of their way to avoid me.

"I'm alright. Just tired I suppose. Didn't get much sleep last night," I muttered, running a hand through my disheveled hair. I met his eyes once more. His gaze tore through me, probing the edges of my mind until I was sure he knew exactly what was going on in my head. And it had nothing to do with lack of sleep.

"Well I hope you feel better, Ron. Wouldn't want D Company to start missing you yelling at them all the time," Winters said before walking away. I'd seen the slight tug of his lips into a smirk. So Winters had a sense of humor after all? Interestingly enough, that was what got my mind off of her for the rest of the day.

***

I entered my room, closing the door softly behind me. My eyes immediately found the window. Twilight was settling on the town of Aldbourne, the light purples and pinks etching the length of the horizon and filled my room with their colors. Shutting the curtains, I crossed the room to light a candle with my zippo. A soft, flickering flame danced to life. It filled the small room with a dim, but vibrant light. I turned away from the flame, slipping my shirt off as I went. As I did so, I could feel something cold hit my back. The air seemed to roam the muscles of my back, bringing my blood to a boil as I was reminded of the woman from my dream. I closed my eyes for a moment, letting my sensations take over as I worked off my belt and pants.

_I imagined her soft fingers running down my chest. Ever lower until they touched the edge of my pants._

_She glanced up at me, a mischievous gleam appearing in her eyes. A smirk graced her lips and that innocence that she possessed faded away for the first time. Her hands knock mine aside while her cold fingers work my pants off my hips. I become incensed by the slightest brushes of her skin along my body. Her long, black hair flows like a moving river down her back when she takes out the pins. Her bright, blue eyes bore into mine. She's looking at me, _really _looking at me as she presses closer to me. She raises goosebumps along my body and I wonder at the fact that I have relinquished power for even a second to a woman I hardly know. _

_But that's it. I feel like I have known her my entire life. I know every laugh, every bruise, every plane of her body. I've spent my life looking for her and here she is at last before me. Here for the taking. I growl, a sound that bubbles up from low in my throat. I grab her by the waist and push her onto the bed. She moans my name softly while I take over her clothes. One after the other. Her shirt, her pants, her shoes drop to the floor, ghosts of the innocence that I will take tonight. I wrap my hands into her thick, wavy hair. I lean down and place a tender kiss on her pink lips. She rises up to meet me, her fingers moving deftly up my arms to my shoulders. I growl again, a clear warning. She's had her touching. Now I want mine. _

"_Keep your hands to yourself, or I'll never last," I whisper, the sound filling both of our ears. Her eyes widen at this truth, but her arms move to my command over her head. The fingers curl around the wooden rails of the headboard. I smirk wickedly at her and for the first time I see fear in her eyes. Fear of who I might become beneath the tangled sheets. I bend down toward her neck, my lips working in a slow and sensuous descent toward her chest. _

"_Don't you trust me?" I ask her, my voice husky against her skin. _

"_Yes," she mutters. _

"Speirs!" I heard someone call from the door of my bedroom. I realized it was my company commander and I came to myself, my eyes widened as I realized that I had become entirely too captivated by my waking fantasy.

"Er-in here, sir," I replied, my lips dry as I try and focus on anything other than what I had just been thinking about. My heart pounds within my chest, the only reminder that what I was feeling was real. Well that and the swell of my manhood stretching the boundaries of my boxers. Whoever this girl was, she was a mystery. The object of my deepest obsession.

_I've never even seen her, _the thought crawls into my mind. Unbidden and unwanted. Acknowledging it made my heart ache in a way that foreshadowed things yet to be realized. I knew then that I would never have her. It made me want to cry.

"Speirs, are you listening to me God dammit?!" my commander yelled through the door, "You've got a drunk sergeant down at the pub. He's causing a ruckus. He's your responsibility, so get your ass up and deal with him!" I groaned, low enough for him not to hear. My men would pick now to transform into incompetent fools. I reminded myself that I could always return to her when I was finished with the sergeant. With that, I stood up and went to the door. I unlocked it and opened it softly. I saluted my commander, saying a quick, "Yes, sir," before jumping back into my room and dressing as quickly as I could.

**A/N: Okay my longest chapter that I've posted so far for this story. I really hope you guys like it, and I'm sure you've figured out now that this story is rated M for a reason. Not too graphic in this one, but who knows what my muse will do in the future. :)**

**Reviews are amazing and I wanted to thank everyone who did so for the last chapter. They really made my day and when I just wasn't feeling it, they made me get up and write more. I'm on chapter 22 right now and let's just say that I've given LMHH a run for its money with the love triangle stuff. Or at least I hope so. I also wanted to say, PLEASE don't be afraid to PM me or anything like that if you have questions. You can also email me too. :)**


	4. Down

_I don't know where I'm at_

_I'm standing at the back_

_And I'm tired of waiting_

_Waiting here in line_

_I'm hoping I'll find what I've been chasing_

"_Down" by Jason Walker_

**Becca's POV**

**February 25, 1944**

"Fields! Get up, Sobel's on the war path," an unfamiliar voice was yelling in my ear. I groaned, on the edge of consciousness, wishing that whoever it was would shut the hell up. I covered my face with my pillow, finding it strange that it didn't smell at all familiar. Come to think of it, my mattress felt different too. I wrote it off as me being half-asleep. I closed my eyes, trying to get comfortable again.

"Fields, god dammit, get up!" the voice said again, and this time I felt someone jostling me awake. I rolled over, toward the sound of that voice and blinked up at the face that was swimming in and out of my vision. Suddenly, the man came into focus. He had dark black hair and dark eyes. His skin was pale, but there was a gentleness to his features that immediately made me want to trust him. I sat up quickly, realizing that he shouldn't be here. I ran a hand through my hair then realized that something had happened to it during the night while I was sleeping.

"What...? My hair!" I gasped, noticing just how short it was. Short enough to be a man's. The man, who was currently jamming a helmet onto his head and tying up his boots, turned his eyes on me and laughed.

"What did ya expect? For it to grow back during the night?" the mirth in his eyes vanished when he saw the expression on my face. I could only imagine what I looked like. I was bewildered. What the hell had happened last night? A tight know formed in my stomach, weighing it down.

"You feelin' okay, Fields? You hit your head last night or something?" he asked me again, giving me the strangest look I'd ever seen. I stared back at him, unsure of where or who I was at the moment. All of this felt like I'd been transported into a different dimension. I turned my focus back on the question at hand. Then, I realized that this man must have gotten me mixed up with someone else. It still didn't explain where I was or why my beautiful hair had been chopped off, but it was a start.

"Listen, I don't know wh-," I began, my voice deeper than it normally was. I knew it wasn't just an after effect of having just woken up. My throat felt strange, almost as if my vocal cords had been damaged slightly during my sleep. I couldn't explain it, but it felt like hot ash was stuck to the sides of my throat. Before I could think further on it, he grabbed my hand, hoisted me to my feet and jammed something cold and metallic into my hands.

"Don't talk, just get your damn boots on, Fields. Look, I know you're new and all, but Sobel isn't going to like that excuse."

"New?!" I bristled, a look of incredulity dawning on my face, "I don't know who you think you're talking to, but this is my third year here." He gave me another look, one that said clearly that I wasn't reacting the way I should be. I turned my eyes away from him, desperate to get a handle on my bearings. I looked around me, taking in the sight of the bunk-beds scattered through the room, the radio on a table in the corner beside the door....My face snapped back to the radio. It looked like an antique. Like something they would have used in the 1940s. I could remember a radio that looked almost exactly like that in my father's office. I faced the man again, feeling like I was missing something very important. I took in the olive-green color of his clothes. He was wearing a military uniform, one that for some reason looked very familiar. I noticed the silver glint of something on his uniform. I gasped slightly when I saw what it was. Jump wings. The pin was that of a paratrooper who had successfully completed his jump training.

"Where am I?" I asked him, unable to dispel the uneasiness that now quivered through me. My heart was racing as I waited for the answer. My mouth had gone dry and my hands were shaking slightly against my thighs. A part of me knew what the answer would be, knew it like I'd known all along that my dreams weren't just a figment of my imagination. But of course, the reason in me couldn't allow me to believe that I really was where I thought I was.

"Fields, what the hell's the matter with you? You're in Aldbourne, England. The year is 1944. I'm Eugene. Are you getting all of this or do you need a pencil and paper?" he said, his lips contorting into a teasing smile, "Stop fooling around and get up! Sobel will have our heads if we aren't out there in about two minutes."

Aldbourne, England. 1944. Sobel.

I was dreaming! I had to be, because this couldn't be possible. I couldn't really be in 1944. In the middle of World War Two under the command of _the _Captain Herbert Sobel of Easy Company. This felt more real somehow than my other dreams and I wondered briefly why I was dreaming about this. It must have been the realization that the man from my dream had been Ron Speirs coupled with Dr. Jacobson making me tell him all about Easy Company. My mind worked in mysterious ways sometimes, but I knew that I had to listen to Eugene. Besides, if I was dreaming, then I would just go with it. This could turn out to be one of the best dreams I'd ever had.

But I had a tough time believing that this was really a dream. After all, I knew that Ron wasn't in Easy. He was in Dog, if I remembered correctly. I shook my head, knowing that I couldn't possibly have traveled back in time. Even as a trickle of fear ran down my spine, I refused to believe it.

"Alright, sorry, Eugene. Don't get yourself all worked up. I'm up," I muttered, placing the helmet on my head and leaning over the bed to put on my boots. Hell even the boots looked real, felt real beneath my fingers.

"You sure got a weird sense of humor, James. As a matter of fact, you've been acting strange for the past three days. You sure you're okay?" Eugene asked me, his eyes staring concernedly into mine. I shook my head as I stood.

"No, I think I'm okay. Who knows, maybe I'm coming down with something," I replied offhandedly. I hoped to God that he would buy my lie. For some reason, I didn't want to reveal that I really was a woman. Not yet anyway.

"Yeah, you know, there've been a lot of D Company guys coming into the aid station lately with colds and the like. Maybe you caught something from one of 'em. Whataya think?" Eugene asked me, his voice lowering as the rest of Easy Company came into view. It was unreal, seeing all of them in uniform, lined up as they awaited whatever punishment Sobel was sure to inflict on them.

"Probably did," I muttered softly, taking a place in the back row of one of the platoons, trying my best to look as inconspicuous as I could. Eugene continued down the line, settling with another platoon. I stood up as straight as I could, painfully aware how much taller and muscular the men around me were. I stuck out like a sore thumb, something that the man beside me was quick to point out. I felt someone jab me in the side with their elbow. My neck twisted so that I could look up at them. Dark, glinting eyes and an easy smile that made his handsome face seem boyish and young. He was one of the shorter men around me, but he was taller than me.

"Hey, so the Doc managed to drag your skinny ass out of bed finally?" he asked, his Philadelphia accent shining through with his words. I nodded, just as a loud voice rang out through the air.

"Easy Company!" Sobel yelled, snapping me out of the conversation and turning my attention to the front, "We're on a strict schedule today starting with PT with Lieutenant Winters for the next two hours. So, go put on your PT gear and be out here in five minutes. Fall out!" I turned around immediately, following the men out of ear shot of the officers.

"God, I hate that man!" the man from Philadelphia muttered beside me.

"Yeah, I think we've already established that every man in Easy hates Sobel, Guarnere. Ain't that right, Smalls?" another man said, throwing an arm around my neck and putting me in a headlock before letting me go. I forced a chuckle from my lips, throwing off his arm and straightening my helmet. Being surrounded by 150 men wasn't exactly a good way to keep a low profile. At least I knew the name of one of the guys.

"Yeah you probably hate him even more than we do. He just loves to mess with you," Guarnere said, rubbing his jaw and looking confused by something for a moment before a smile came onto his face, "But that's probably just because you don't put up with his shit. I mean, you've been here two weeks and you're already on his hit list 'cause of your smart mouth."

"I've been here for two weeks?!" I asked, unable to stop myself. Guarnere clapped me on the back, obviously seeing nothing wrong with my tone of voice or my expression.

"I know it seems like a lot longer than that, don't it?" For once in my life, I was utterly speechless. Why would my mind come up with such a trivial fact? That I'd been here for two whole weeks drove something disturbing close to home. Maybe I wasn't dreaming. Maybe I really had traveled back in time. Just as this realization hit me, I turned my head just in time to meet the dark eyes of someone very familiar. Standing in the middle of the street, was Ronald Speirs. He was just as devastatingly handsome as he had been in my dreams. Only now, I could feel the pull of his gaze tingling across my skin. This time, I could feel the realness, the substance to him. And with a frightening moment of clarity, I knew that this was real. I was in 1944 and standing not twenty feet away from me was the man who'd visited my dreams so many times. My heart contracted, pounding solidly against my rib cage. I didn't notice until a small squeak had escaped my throat that I had paused in the middle of the road too. My hands began to tremble and I stared at him, aware of the look in his eyes. He looked just as confused and lost as I did. Those dark eyes bored into mine, making me sure that he could feel the pull too. It was everything that I'd hoped for when he looked at me. Beneath the confusion was a barely-restrained hunger that seemed to flow and ebb out of his eyes to his entire body. Then, just as quickly he looked away and the connection was lost. I let loose a breath that I hadn't even known I'd been holding. It almost felt like too much. After all the logic, after all the arguments with myself, this was really happening. It was more than impossible, and didn't make sense at all. But looking at him, I couldn't believe that he wasn't real. I couldn't believe that he wasn't really standing only a few feet from me.

Just as these thoughts raced through my brain, darkness threatened to close in on my vision. My lips were quivering and before I noticed what was happening, my legs gave out beneath me. Blackness enveloped my body just as I felt a pair of heavy arms encircling around my waist.

**Ron's POV**

I knew it the moment I saw the soldier across the street that it was really her hidden in that uniform. My body tensed with a sudden aching need to run toward her and grasp her in my hands. I had to feel her, to look into her eyes and know that she was really here. Just as I began to take a step toward her, her bright blue eyes found mine. I froze, rooted to the spot by the intensity of her gaze. Confusion and a slight fear passed over her features. Yes she knew me, but it was evident that she couldn't believe that I was really here either. I looked deeper into her eyes, a craving hunger threatening to overtake every sense. And just as I was sure that my desire for her would rule over my common sense, a small voice planted the seed of doubt in my mind.

_That can't be her. There's no way a woman as good looking as her could have sneaked into the Army. _

I glanced back at the soldier. My eyes began to compare the soldier to the girl from my dreams. The soldier standing across from me was much to skinny to be her. I had memorized the contours of her body. Every crevice and valley with my fingertips. And there was something about the way that she-_he_- was looking at me that made me positive that this was not her. I had to admit, though, that they did look a little too much alike. And the man did look very feminine with his high cheekbones, small nose, and bright blue eyes. The angelic features were seared into mind like a burn and I realized that I must have seen him before. And the dream girl's face had molded to much the same look as the soldier's face. I shook my head, determined to get her permanently out of my mind. She wasn't real and never would be. That much was obvious seeing the young soldier across the street. I turned away from him, continuing my way forward. Until I saw the movement of the soldier swaying unsteadily on his feet. A glazed look had appeared in his eyes and as much as I hated to admit it, a knot of worry worked its way into my stomach. I started toward her-him I corrected myself with a growl, not hesitating this time as he plummeted as if in slow motion to the ground. But, as quickly as I was moving toward him, he hit the ground first. I winced internally as his head made contact with the ground. I could imagine those perfect features marred by a scar or two. I rushed forward now, instinct taking over as I called for a medic. I knelt beside him, lifting him slightly and turning him onto his back. Meanwhile, a raven-haired medic slid in beside me, a tightness to his face that had me worried.

"Son of a bitch. I knew I should have said something to Sobel," the medic muttered under his breath as he dug around in his medical bag for a bandage. Blood was trickling slowly down her-his-forehead. The red streaks contrasted sharply with the paleness of his skin.

"What's that?" I asked him, not able to contain myself. The need to know about this soldier, even if its wasn't who I wanted it to be, was sickeningly overwhelming.

"Well, he's been acting odd for the past few days. I think he might be coming down with something, sir," he explained, making quick work of tying the bandage around his head. I stared down at the soldier, noting the dark circles under his eyes and the steadily paling skin. There was something definitely wrong with him. I stood up, taking his legs just as the medic lifted him from under his arms.

"Where we headed, Private?" I asked him as he looked around unsuredly.

"We can put him back on his bunk while we wait for a jeep. The aid station's about a half-mile away, sir," the medic told me, his attention turning to one of his fellow Easy Company soldiers.

"Luz, get Battalion on the line and tell them we need a jeep here," his words stressed by his deep, thick Louisiana accent, "Okay, Lieutenant, let's go." I followed the medic, smirking slightly at the curiosity evident on the faces of every one of Sobel's men. As we walked, I tried to seem unaffected by the fact that I was holding onto the feet of a man who looked extraordinarily like _her_. I just couldn't banish the evidence from my mind and I wanted to punch myself. Since when had I become some love-starved, hormonal man who was ready to accept that a fellow Paratrooper really wasn't a man at all. But was a woman that I'd never even see in person let alone knew. I wasn't that man I reassured myself confidently. And at that, I was able to focus.

Soon after we set him down on his bed, the jeep arrived. Two medics ran in, carrying a stretcher between them, on top of which we quickly placed him. By this time, the Easy Company officers had come to see what all the commotion was about. Sobel was the only one out of the entire group that seemed anything but sympathetic toward his soldier. As I passed him, his hand shot out and grabbed my forearm. Anger rose within me. Who the hell did he think he was? I couldn't say anything, since he was a Captain and I was only a Lieutenant, but I'd seen the fear my eyes could evoke. And I turned black eyes to meet his. At once, he dropped my arm. He didn't back down though.

"What the hell happened to my medic, Lieutenant?" he asked me.

"I don't know. All I saw was him falling down and I decided to help," I said simply, trying desperately to quell the blind anger peaking out through my voice. By the look on his face, I knew my efforts had been in vain, but I couldn't find the nerve to care. As I walked away, I heard his voice shouting at his men to get ready for PT. I rolled my eyes, confused as to how the man had ever gained control over his own company. Though, even I could admit that he had shaped Easy into the company in 2nd Battalion with the finest performance record. I wondered if he would do as well with them when push came to shove and we were all thrown into the middle of the war.

***

I paced the length of my room several times. My hand ran through my hair as if of its own accord. My heart pounded listlessly against my chest, the rhythm accelerating my breathing and causing me to move faster and faster.

Her face wove itself in and out of my mind, begging for me to realize what I would not-could not-believe was really going on with the young Private from Easy Company. But the impulse to go to the aid station and see her-him-was overwhelming. Every moment that I stayed away felt like pure agony.

But, even as impulse made me turn and grab for my jacket, reason made me pause. Confusion and doubt swept in to cool the heat in my veins. Why was I letting myself get so worked up about this? Why was I fixated on the idea that the man was really the woman from my dreams? I shook my head, silently convincing myself that I wasn't going down there for any other reason than to see if the Private fainting was a more deeply rooted problem than Doc Roe had thought before. Yes, that's what I was going down there to see...

Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the aid station door. I was greeted immediately by a small, blond nurse who gasped unevenly when I looked down into her hazel-colored eyes. I smiled down at her, hoping that it would help when I asked her for directions to the Private's bed.

"Hi there," I said, keeping my voice low and seductive. When her eyelids fluttered and she began to nibble gently on her bottom lip, I knew it was working, "Could you point me in the direction of Private Fields' bed?" For a moment, I didn't think she was going to answer me. But then, her body snapped away from me.

"Oh, of course," she said in an annoyingly bright tone of voice. The flush in her cheeks and animation of her hands told me that maybe I should have held back a little on my charm. She pointed me to the left, explaining that Fields had been put in the rear, left corner of the building.

"Thank you," I muttered, my voice clipped. I hurried away from her, my own blind curiosity driving me forward until I caught sight of the bed at last. My heart swelled in relief, though I would never admit it. The shallow rise and fall of his chest loosened the knot in my stomach as other, darker things swirled through me. Things that I would not acknowledge because of their impossibility.

I walked toward the bed, my eyes slowly roving him as I did. The skin was that sickening off-white pallor. But other than that, he looked fine now. Watching him, I felt that cursed heat fill my body as I admired again just how much like the woman he looked. The hair was the same shade of black, but it was short. The way a man's hair should be. The slim column of his neck was the same too. And the eyes. That had been her most noticeable quality. They both had the same eyes. An aquamarine color with flecks of pale gold and bright green.

Before I knew what I was doing, I had continued to close the distance between us. Now, I was standing at the bedside, looking down on him with a curiosity I hadn't known my heart had been harboring. For some reason, I couldn't completely convince myself that the likeness between the soldier and the woman were just coincidence. Something was going on here, something deeper than I could grasp.

Suddenly, a look of such anguish overcame his face that I felt myself reaching for his hand before I could stop myself. Then, I heard a familiar voice echoing through the aid station. Surprised and angry with myself, I lurched backward. What the hell was I thinking? I was trying to draw connections where there were none. I'd gotten too caught up in my dreams, wanting more than anything for it to be true that she'd found me. Now I knew that it wasn't real at all. Steeling myself and regaining my composure, I continued on my way toward the front of the building again. I passed Sobel, who looked livid. I bit back a smile, sending him a salute which he all but ignored. I walked forward, my mind still buzzing from what I'd almost done. Then, I saw the petite blond from before.

I looked at her, really looked at her. She seemed like the type of girl who could have a good time without making things too complicated. Someone perfect for trying to get over my obsession with someone who didn't even exist. With a smirk on my face, I continued over to her. She was bent over a patient's chart.

Peering over her shoulder, I said in her ear, "So, I didn't catch your name before." The shiver that rolled down her spine was obvious. She jumped slightly, spinning around so fast that for a moment her eyes glazed over.

"Oh my God!" she gasped breathlessly, "I didn't see you there." I smiled down at her, watching those long lashes flutter over her eyes again and again. I opened my mouth to say something, only to be interrupted by the outburst that rang in my ears.

"You're a distraction to the other men. And believe me, if I had the authority I'd have your scrawny ass sent right back to London!" Sobel's voice carried through the building, effectively silencing everyone. I turned back to her, the blood pumping angrily through my veins. It took all my self-restraint to pretend that I didn't care at all that Sobel was yelling at Private Fields.

"So how about that name?" A dark flush rose in her cheeks as she smiled coyly up at me.

"It's Britney. Britney Smith." Knowing this would reel her in if I hadn't already, I brought the back of her hand to my lips. Brushing them across her skin, I admired the way she gasped. Her chest heaved up and down.

"Britney, would you be interested in going on a date with me this Friday?" I asked her, keeping my voice low and deep. The tinkling laugh that fell from her lips sent a shudder down my spine. Not in a good way either. I could sense under that fake, carefully conditioned laugh that she would never be who I wanted her to be. But I had to try, even if I had to lead on this girl.

"I'd love to go out with you on Friday. I get off at six. So, how about you pick me up at seven thirty?" she asked me, batting her eyelashes at me. I refrained from rolling my eyes while I nodded my head.

"Sure I just need the address," I told her, my eyes shifting between her face and the direction of Sobel's voice. He was getting progressively louder as the seconds drew on. I didn't hear anyone replying and for some reason that had me concerned.

"Oh, you can just pick me up here if that's easier," she said. I sent her another smile. At least I wouldn't have to bother with trying to find the house. Just another reason why this was simpler.

"Great. I'll see you then, Britney," I said. I saw her shy grin and her hands as she clasped them together on the counter.

"Bye," I heard her say almost wistfully. God was I in for some trouble.

**Becca's POV**

Someone was watching me. I could feel it. The weight of their stare kept me pressed flat against the mattress. I could hear only my own breathing, but I could feel their presence, whoever it was. I was half-tempted to open my eyes, but something told me not to. I wondered for a moment if it could possibly be Speirs. I almost shook my head. Of course it wasn't him. Why would he come and see me anyway?

But I could dare to hope. I could tell by the look on his face when he saw me that he didn't know who I was. For that, I was almost grateful. Otherwise, things would have become a lot more complicated than they already were.

All of a sudden, just as quickly as it had appeared, the feeling vanished. I snapped open my eyes, sitting up as I did. I glanced around me, not seeing him anywhere. With a sigh, I realized that I must have imagined it. My cheeks flooded with embarrassment and I had to hold back a sob of frustration. Why couldn't I get him out of my head? More importantly, why couldn't I rid myself of the hope that now that I was really with him that he would even want anything to do with me? After all, it hadn't really been him in the dream with me. It had been just that. A dream, a fantasy.

"Private Fields!" a voice yelled my name from very close by. I recognized that voice. Sobel. I shot out of bed and saluted him as he came toward me.

"I don't want you to salute me! What the fuck were you thinking today?" Sobel shouted at me, his face merely inches from my own. His dark eyes sparkled with the pleasure he was getting from seeing me cower in the shadow of his anger. And I knew that I couldn't change it.

"I-well I've been sick the past few days-," I began, playing on the comment Eugene had made earlier about me being a bit off. Or at least Fields had been off.

"I don't give a damn that you've been sick. If you were sick, you would have gone to the aid station and stayed the hell there.

"You're a distraction to the other men. And believe me, if I had the authority I'd have your scrawny ass sent right back to London!" Something about the way he said scrawny drove something through me, white hot and pulsating. Begging to be released on the man, the coward, before me. I stepped closer to him, not caring if I would be lined up against a wall and shot for insubordination.

"I wouldn't care if you sent me back to London. At least I'd be as far away from you as I can get. You're nothing but a coward, Sobel. You don't care who you hurt or who you stomp on as long as you get as far in the army as you can get. And someday that's gonna come back and bite you in the ass," I said, making sure to keep the level of my voice at a low hiss. What I'd said was true, even though I didn't need to let on that I already knew his future. He would die all alone. That's when he grabbed my arm and pushed me backwards onto the hospital bed. He snatched the curtains in his other hand and closed them around us.

Sobel bent towards me, a wicked gleam in his eye. I couldn't help but notice him as more a monster than a man. The look in his eyes was one of pure hunger and the curl of his lips could only be described as animalistic.

"Don't think I don't know what you're trying to hide, Fields. And I when I find the evidence to prove it, you're going to be shipped back to whatever podunk town you came here from. Do I make myself clear?" His voice, so menacing, seemed to pierce through my carefully maintained facade. I had to put everything I had into not crying.

"Yes, sir," I whispered, keeping my face so that he couldn't see it. If Sobel knew, then I was done for. One wrong move, one slip up, and who knew what would happen to me. I didn't want to find out under any circumstances.

"Good," he muttered in my ear and then stole away, pushing back the curtains around my bed without saying anything else to me. I heaved a shuddering gasp, my lips quivering from my need to cry. Taking a look around, I immediately turned to face the wall. I laid down, curled myself in a ball and shed enough tears that the left side of my pillow was soaked. I don't know how long I stayed liked that. But, eventually, I fell asleep.

**A/N: Okay so a fourth chapter. First of all, I wanted to thank captain ty. She's been more helpful with the chapters that I'm writing right now than I could have ever imagined. So, thank you SOOOOOO much! :) I want to thank all of the people who reviewed the story last chapter as well. They meant so much to me and since you were all had such amazingly wonderful things to say, I decided to post another chapter today.**

**Um....this one was really important in a lot of ways. First of all, Becca is back in the past now. She is in fact dead in the future now and I will explain that in the last chapter of this story. I actually have it planned out now in my head...sort of lol. Oh! She's also seen Ron and he's obviously having some doubts about who she is. Also got in some of the other main characters. Guarnere and Roe. They'll both play a big part in this fic as will Sobel for the next couple of chapters. **

**Okay, as always, please review. I adore them and I always try to reply to whatever you guys send in so yeah...happy reading everyone!**


	5. Boom

_I'm getting myself in something I don't wanna_

_I'm getting caught up in him but I don't wanna_

_I'm getting off track_

_And I can't control a thing, a thing_

"_Boom" by Anjulie_

**Becca's POV**

I was abruptly awoken by the sound of Bill Guarnere's Philly accent in my ear. I couldn't control the shudder that rolled down my spine. If Sobel could so easily see through my facade, could everyone else too? Ignoring the alarm bells that were going off in my head, I tried to get as far away from him as the tiny bed would allow and ended up rolling off the mattress toward the ground. The left side of my body took the brunt end of the fall.

"God, Gonorrhea, can't you leave me alone for five minutes?" I asked him, grimacing as I awkwardly tried to pull myself up with the help of the edge of the bed. He rolled his eyes at me, a smirk playing on his mouth.

"Time to get up, Sleeping Beauty. Sobel's gonna have both of our asses if we don't get to Easy in about two minutes," he said with a slight snicker. He crossed around the bed to come and offer me a hand in standing up. I looked at him, debating whether or not I cared what Sobel thought. Then, I remembered his threats from yesterday. Steeling myself against the onslaught of tears, I bit my lip and took his hand. With a soft grunt, he hoisted me to my feet. When I was standing up, I noticed the fact that he hadn't let go of me yet. He was staring at my hands with a look of curiosity and amusement in his expression.

"Not to offend ya or nothing but has anyone ever told ya you've got feminine hands?" he asked me, a smug smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he glanced up to meet my gaze. My eyes narrowed, my chin jutting out so that my face pointed upwards towards his.

"At least I'm not the one holding another guy's hand," I said, my tone equally as snarky. At that, Guarnere's eyebrows shot skyward and he snatched his hand back to his side as if he'd been burned.

"I was _not _holding your hand, Fields. And if you say anything about it to the guys, I'll kill ya," he snarled. I watched him for a moment turn around and stalk off in the direction of the front doors. I followed after him, jogging to catch up to him.

"Oh don't worry, Guarnere, your secret's safe with me. Just know that it hurts that you're so ashamed of me," I said, pouting my lips for a moment before I ran out of his reach.

"Oh no you don't," he yelled and chased after me. A small part of me was soaring as I ran through Aldbourne toward where I could see Easy gathered up in a field a short distance away. I'd forgotten how good it felt to run. With nothing but my feet smacking firmly against the road, my heart racing against my skin, and my shallow gasps for air.

I'd been on the track team in high school for all of my four years. I had been the best in the state in endurance. If I'd known then that it would come in handy during the middle of my training in World War Two, I would have crapped myself. We were down the hill and standing in Second Platoon's ranks when Sobel suddenly came around the corner of a building. He took one long, sweeping look at us and sneered. I tried to control the shudder that rolled through me, but I couldn't. And I knew there was nothing I could do when his dark eyes finally landed on me.

"Glad to see you here, Fields. I see you didn't even have the chance this morning to be discharged from the aid station. Felt like running ten miles today?" he asked me, his sneer only growing as I stared back at him. I damned the day that I had become so emotional. It was like being transported back through time had opened the flood gates that I'd long kept at bay. Now I couldn't stop the tears from forming in my eyes.

"I didn't want a wound to prevent me from training, sir," I said, making up an excuse that seemed plausible. And, in a way it was the truth. After jogging down the hill, I wanted to run laps around Aldbourne.

"Well, then, we'll get started then. First, we're starting with our fifteen mile run. Then, you'll all be doing some PT with Lieutenant Winters here," Sobel said, his dark eyes glinting maliciously at the sighs that swept through our ranks. I held mine in, knowing that it would only make Sobel even happier. And by the look on his face, I'd been right. I inhaled deeply, knowing that this was only the start to a very long day.

***

Twelve hours later and the whole of Easy Company was finally trudging back to the mess hall. My chest was throbbing and it seemed like every one of my bones was on the verge of cracking. I felt fragile, weak, and every bit as female as I really was. This training was designed for men, not women. The running I could handle. It was the PT, the digging foxholes, the non-stop action that was all weighing down on me. I felt like crawling into my uncomfortable bunk and falling asleep for God knew how long. Sobel had very different plans for me though.

We all limped to the mess hall. If even the men were tired, I didn't feel so bad. But all I could really focus on was my own pain. That's why I didn't hear Guarnere and Eugene calling my name.

"Hey, Smalls, whats a matter with ya?" Bill asked, keeping his voice low as he ducked his head closer to my own. I felt my heart speed up slightly for fear that every time he got this close, he would realize what I was trying to hide. He would discover the truth. Not only that, but I had to admit that Guarnere was attractive. In a flash of annoyance, I wished he didn't stand in front of me whenever we did anything physical. He wasn't Ronald Speirs, but he was a man all the same.

"Nothing, Bill, I'm fine. Just tired. I don't remember ever being worked this hard in my life," I said, my voice sounding hollow even to myself, "Is it always like this? I mean, I'd heard Sobel was a complete dick. I had no idea it was this bad." Bill shrugged and held his tray out for a huge heaping glob of what looked like macaroni to be doled out to him. I cringed slightly, but chose not to say anything as they did the same for me.

"Thanks," I muttered, walking away and staring at my food with disgust.

"You'd think we'd be used to the shit they call food in the Army, but here we are staring at it like it's going to jump off the plate," Guarnere said, snickering along with his buddies Joe Toye and Don Malarkey who had joined us.

"So, you never answered my question, Bill. Is Sobel always this-this..." I trailed off, thinking of the word I wanted to use.

"Ruthless?" suggested a quiet voice behind me. I turned around, fear constricting my heart like a vine when I looked up into the eyes of Ronald Speirs. It felt like yesterday all over again. I wanted to pass out. I certainly felt light-headed enough for it. But the way he was looking at me worked like a bucket of cold water to my senses. All that heat, the hunger I'd seen in his eyes was gone. To be replaced by something cold, heartless. It struck me with fear to look at him, but I couldn't look away. A part of my soul was singing with delight, rendering me speechless and frozen.

"Well, Private Fields, was that the word you were going to use for your CO?" he asked me, his lips moving as if in slow motion as I zeroed in on them. I wanted to smack myself in that moment as a blush graced my cheeks.

"Uh, yes, Lieutenant Speirs. I guess that's a good a word as any. Thank you, sir," I said, tripping over my own tongue before I could finally get an answer out. Every cell in my body seemed to be calling to him and by the set of his mouth, I could tell that he had noticed something was wrong with me. When he stepped even closer, my heart jumped into my throat and my hands began to shake uncontrollably. The heat from his body was coaxing my own. Soon I knew that I would be set on fire just from the proximity of him. I took a shuddering breath, my lungs desperately trying to fill themselves with air that they did not have room for. I felt like I was being crushed. Crushed by the mere presence of him. He was intoxicating and I didn't know how long I would be able to keep up this charade if he did things like this.

"Don't faint on me again." He said it so softly, that I was sure I'd imagined it. But when he moved past me, his fingertips dragging slowly across the back of my hand, I wasn't so sure. I turned, my body desperate to follow his retreating figure. It was urging me to go after him, but I couldn't. Not with all the guys watching me.

"Damn, you sure do attract attention, Fields," Malarkey said, slapping his knee with a grin while he slipped into his seat. Guarnere rolled his eyes and grabbed my arm, dragging me toward their table and shoving me into the seat next to him.

"Ya know who that was?" he asked me, his eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. I just stared at him, my mouth opening and closing every few seconds. He growled underneath his breath and continued, "That was Ronald fuckin' Speirs and if he tells Sobel we was talking about him, we're going to be screwed tomorrow." Toye clapped Guarnere on the arm and made a face.

"Hey, why don't we not talk about screwin' alright?" he suggested, sending me a wink behind Guarnere's back. I tried to smile back, but I was still feeling the effects of my run-in. How long could I last with encounters like that? As I dug into my food, I knew that I would have to avoid him at all costs. No matter how much I wanted things to be different. I couldn't do anything about it, so I was stuck.

"Hey, fellas," George Luz said, his grin giving even the Cheshire Cat a run for his money, "Me and Muck was just talking. There's a pub in town and since this is the first weekend we actually have passes in a while, I think we need to remind the natives who's in town."

"Yeah, just remember what Winters told us. We can't get crazy," Shifty Powers said at the other end of the table.

"Well, look, not to be the bearer of bad news, but I don't think Lieutenant Winters would know what fun was unless it bit him in the ass," Guarnere said, his laugh echoing in the mess hall. I chuckled along with the rest of them, even if I didn't really agree with him.

"So, whataya say, Smalls? You coming this Friday night?" I looked at them all, surprised that they had accepted me so quickly into their tightly-knit group. They'd been together since Toccoa after all.

"Yeah, sure Luz, I'm sure by tomorrow I'll need it," I sighed, feeling like tomorrow night couldn't come fast enough.

**Ron's POV**

Seeing the young soldier again drove the pain through my chest. I took a shuddering breath, my hands moved uncontrollably. I had the urge to rush over to him and grab him away from Easy Company. But I couldn't.

The line between the girl from my dreams and this young man had been fragile from the start. Everything about them was the same. The hair, the eyes, the facial expressions, the way they looked at me. As though no one else in the world mattered. As if they could see straight through me to the very depths of my soul. It was disconcerting, but there was something so invigorating in the way she stared at me that I couldn't help but have my curiosity peaked. Seeing him right now wasn't helping. I'd had a dream about her last night. And thoughts of her kept running through my mind. Replaying and replaying until all I could see, hear, and think was _her_.

_Soft lips graze my bare shoulder, sending goosebumps racing up and down the length of my body. Her gentle hands worked their way into my hair, pulling me close. This was the closest we could ever get to touching each other so intimately. For now, it was enough. But the racing of my heart and the trembling of my fingers were signs that I wouldn't be able to hold on much longer._

_I had to find her. I had to be able to hold her, real and alive, in my arms. _

I shuddered, glancing up from my tray to see her laughing with her new friends. A sharp growl tore from my throat when one of them leaned in close, his lips just shy of her ear as he whispered something to her.

_Him! _My thoughts screamed at me to acknowledge that the person in front of me was not the girl from my dreams. The person in front of me was not a female at all. It was a man. A man who just happened to look exactly like her. I wondered at my own sanity. That I would be so obsessed with another man and his similarities to someone I had never met let alone seen with my own two eyes.

_What is wrong with me? _I couldn't count the number of times I had asked that question of myself. I didn't know what was wrong, and it bothered me to no end. Soon, I would have to do something about this-these feelings coursing through me like a second heartbeat. And before I knew it, I was walking toward him. I had to know. I had to be near him again. I knew that I couldn't trust my heart. Matters of emotion were so easily-swayed and before I could trust what I thought I was seeing, I would have to look into his eyes. Touch his skin to know exactly what I was up against from him and from myself.

"So, you never answered my question, Bill. Is Sobel always this-this..." he trailed off, his voice sending chills down my spine. I couldn't explain it. It was her voice, but not exactly. It was her voice but it wasn't at the same time. But I noticed that I liked this one just as much.

"Ruthless?" I suggested from behind him. I could almost hear his pulse speeding up into his throat. And when I met his eyes, I knew it had to be her. I knew it with all my heart. The fear was still there from the previous day. There was also happiness, making her bright blue eyes sparkle in the glow of the dim lights.

"Well, Private Fields, was that the word you were going to use for your CO?" I asked her, my voice suddenly husky from looking at her. I watched as her gaze slid from my eyes to my lips. Her cheeks filled with heat. If that wasn't enough proof that she was a woman, I didn't know what was.

_He could be gay, you idiot! _

I ignored the pestering voice in my head.

"Uh, yes, Lieutenant Speirs. I guess that's a good a word as any. Thank you, sir," she muttered quietly. She was stumbling over her words, a clear indicator that she was beyond nervous. She did it in my dreams sometimes and I found that it could make me smile.

I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from saying anything else to her. I had to keep calm, I had to back off before I did something irreparable in front of all these men. If I wanted her to stay close to me, I would have to keep my mouth shut for now. Instead, I chose to step closer to her. I breathed in her fear, her anticipation of what was to come next. It was intoxicating and I had to admit that she was more of an interest now than ever. Why was she here? Why was she posing as a man?

All of that was swept away when I heard her take a shaky breath. I could sense her shaking more than I could see it. I wanted to enfold her in my embrace and never let her go. I wanted to do anything to stop her from worrying so much. But, I knew that I would have to calm myself before I could do anything else. Breathing in her scent, something that reminded me of a crisp November day, I managed to slow the beating of my own heart.

"Don't faint on me again," I said softly. I brushed past her, purposefully dragging my fingers against the back of her hand. The electricity that resulted from the touch of our bare skin was all the proof that I needed. I closed my eyes for a moment, wishing to grasp her fingers in my own and refuse to let go. But all I could do was continue in the direction that I was going. I walked faster and faster as I neared the exit to the mess hall. My heart was beating so fast that I was sure it would race itself into an early grave. One touch and this was how I reacted? I would hate to see myself when I actually got to....I closed my eyes again, the possibility of making love to her almost too much to bear.

Another part of me, one almost too quiet to hear, wondered when I had become so sentimental. So love struck about a complete stranger. I'd never been this way with any other woman. Perhaps the appropriate question then was not why I was acting this way but what results my actions would bring about.

**Becca's POV**

Walking into barracks that night was absolute hell. I'd never met a group of men in which gossip spread so quickly. Apparently, they'd all been told about my run-in with Speirs and they wanted to know why he'd taken such a disliking to me already.

"Damn, Fields, you've done gone and pissed off the two biggest assholes in the whole of Second Battalion. What'd you do this time?" This coming from Frank Perconte, who was the only man in the company that I literally saw eye to eye with.

"I don't know what I did to be honest," I said, a small smile forming on my face. Guarnere elbowed his way out of the crowd that had formed around me, grabbing my arm and pulling me out too.

"Alright, fellas, I think he's had enough harassing for today," he said to the crowd, who groaned slightly but sidled back to whatever they had been doing before we arrived.

"Thanks, Bill," I said, sending him a grateful smile. He stared at me for a second, eyes glazed over as he looked at my eyes. The seconds drew on and I glanced down at the floor, breaking our eye contact.

"Yeah, uh, don't mention it," he muttered. He seemed out of breath and I was tempted to ask him what was wrong, but I couldn't afford to bring any more attention to myself tonight than I already had. When you're trying to walk around as something that you're really not, it's not generally a good idea to be in the spotlight all the time.

"Alright, guys, lights out," Sergeant Lipton called out to the room in general. Amidst the groaning and complaining, I was the only one that went to their bed silently. I pulled off my jacket, laying it on the post of the bed. Gene climbed into the top bunk, muttering a soft, "good night," to me as I laid down. I smiled up at the ceiling and pulled the covers over myself. Finally, after what seemed like the longest day in the history of my life, I was going to get some sleep.

The following morning, I was surprised when I woke up before they'd even called for us to get up. A moment later, I knew just why. Someone's long fingers were wrapped around my own. Their thumb was stroking the back of my hand comfortingly. It was then that I became aware of myself. My throat hurt, as if I'd been screaming continuously through the night. I gasped softly, my free hand flying up to my mouth. The nightmares came flooding back to me, one by one, until I was sure that I was reliving them all over again.

_Two dark blue eyes glared at me through the short distance between our bodies. I could feel the heaves of my chest as I struggled to figure a way out of this situation. I didn't trust the hungry look in Dr. Jacobson's eyes. And I didn't trust the way his gaze continuously roved over my barely-laden body._

"_Oh, Becca, I'm glad that I found you at last. Classes have been miserable without you there to ridicule._

"_I never thought that I could hate a human being as much as you. You're pathetic. You walk these halls like nothing's wrong, like everything in your life is pieced together. But, you know, I've got you figured out. I can see right through your facade. You're dying on the inside because of what happened to your father." Sobs broke through my parted lips and I felt the ground trembling beneath me. My strength fled from me and I could do nothing but fall to my knees. _

"_Please," I gasped, pleading with him with my eyes, "Please, stop." The laugh that billowed forth from his lips was nothing I had ever heard before. He sneered at me, baring his teeth into an evil grin that would haunt me forever. _

"_No, Rebecca, I won't. Not until you realize the implications of what you have done. It was because of you that he's dead now isn't it? That's why it's been so hard for you to get over it." I shook my head in denial, tears cascading from my eyes and spilling down into my lap. _

"_Stop it," I whispered, closing my eyes to the hideousness of his truth. Before I knew it, he'd yanked my chin upwards. I knew his fingers would bruise my skin, but I couldn't look at him. Not now that he'd said that to me. _

"_You will look at me when I talk to you," he growled, his breath breezing across my face. He squeezed harder on my chin until finally all I could do was open my eyes to escape the pain. I was throbbing with it, my heart metaphorically lying beside me on the floor while I slowly but steadily bled to death. I could feel the words wrapping like a vine against me, crushing everything in its path. Until I was nothing but a mass of the truth that had been staring into my face since the beginning. _

_I had been the cause of my father's death. If he hadn't taken me to school that day, it would have never happened. _

"_Well, do you have anything else to say?" Jacobson demanded of me, his hands tightening around my upper arms now. I look up into his dark blue eyes and sneering face. _

"_No," I muttered helplessly. What could you say in the face of truth? What could I say that would make my actions any less monstrous?_

_I realized none of it mattered. Because nothing I could say or do would bring my father back. _

I came back to myself, crying and shaking uncontrollably.

"Oh, God!" I muttered to the dark. I could still feel the presence of the man beside me. I wondered who it was, but I wasn't stupid. It was dark enough that I wouldn't be able to see their face and I knew that whoever it was wanted to keep it that way.

"It's all my fault," I told him, never relaxing my grip on the front of his uniform. Feeling the energy drain from me, I fell limp against him. My face pressed gently against his neck, the warmth flowing from him into me. It calmed me and eventually I was able to pull away from him. Silent as the grave, his hands traveled up my arms to my cheeks. He brushed away the tears and I could feel him smiling at me in the dark.

"Thank you," I muttered, my heart constricting painfully when I realized that I desperately wanted to know who it was that had been my knight in shining armor. But as they slipped away, I realized that for tonight I would have to let it go. When he was ready to tell me, he would.

Slipping under the covers again, I shut my eyes to the world. My thoughts were erratic, never settling on anything too long until I finally fell asleep to the snores of the men of Easy Company and the crickets chirping on the dark window sill.

**Many clues in here of whats to come. I won't say anything more than that because I want to keep you all on your toes through this. :) I am evil, what can I say? **

**I guess the biggest question on everyone's mind is who is that at the end of the chapter...Send in your guess as a review if you have the time. **

**Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing, alerting, and putting this story on their favorites. I can't tell you all how happy these things make me. And I wish I could give you all a hug, but I guess the best I can do is to hurry up and post another chapter, right?**


	6. No You Girls

_Oh, kiss me_

_Lick your cigarette, then kiss me_

_Kiss me where your eye won't meet me_

_Meet me where your mind won't kiss me_

"_No You Girls" by Franz Ferdinand_

**Becca's POV**

**March 12, 1944**

My chest felt like it was burning from the inside out. My legs beneath me felt like they wouldn't hold me up much longer. My only source of strength and determination were the words we were screaming at the top of our lungs. I couldn't explain the feelings coursing through me at that moment. It was more than the realization that I was really here in the midst of one of the most important wars in the history of the world. For the first time in my entire life, I felt like I was a part of something. I felt like I'd been submerged in a world where I could fit in, where I would be accepted. It made me want to cry, but I refused to let the tears fall from my eyes. I could not-would not-let the other men see my cry. Besides, I wasn't some emotional girl. In this world, I was supposed to be acting like a man. I refocused all my energy instead on listening to Bill's strong voice beside me. It worked like a shield against my emotions. I became the words, letting them flow through me until my voice joined theirs once again.

"We fall upon the risers,

We fall upon the grass,

We never land upon our feet

We always hit our ass.

Highty tighty, Christ-almighty

Who the hell are we?

Zim-zam, God damn

We're Airborne Infantry."

We all quieted down as one single unit. Our hearts beat as one thriving entity. We took a breath as a Company. And the sounds of our individual footfalls swelled into one noise that worked in a steady rhythm as we approached our goal.

Guarnere bumped his shoulder into mine, gaining my attention, "Hey, kid, you okay?" I looked into his dark eyes, his black hair plastered to his forehead, and the pucker between his eyebrows.

"Yeah, I'm okay. More tired than I've ever been in my whole damned life, but I think I'm okay." I heard the chuckle rumble through his chest. My heart jumped slightly at the sound, my memory being jogged with the stranger from last night. Who was that and which of these men beside me was he?

"I guess you wasn't prepared for this when you transferred in did ya?" he asked me, his face lighting up with his amusement.

" Unprepared doesn't even begin to cover it," I admitted, finding that talking and running was actually easier than I'd thought. I glanced back up at Bill, expecting him to be smiling. Instead, he was looking at me with a strange expression. It was something between pity and anger. But I could also see the softness in his eyes. He must have been feeling sorry for me for coming here and being thrown in with a group of guys that had already known each other for almost two years. It was hard, but not impossible. After all, I'd already made friends with him and from what my dad had told me, he'd been a real hot-head especially when it came to meeting new people.

"Easy Company, halt!" Sobel called us to a stand-still from several feet back. Of all the men, he was the one pulling up the rear. We could all hear the shakiness in his breath and it gave me a little comfort to know that I was in better shape than he was even without all the training they'd already been through. The guys had told me that Sobel was the weakest man physically in Easy Company.

"_Yeah, we had to go through this qualifying physical test back at Toccoa. One of the requirements was thirty pull-ups. We all knew Sobel would fail out because all he could do was twenty. Least he made it seem that way whenever we did PT. Anyway, when the time came, he was dying at twenty-five but kept on going," this coming from Shifty Powers, who always spoke with neutrality when it came to Captain Sobel. Guarnere, however, had no problems stating exactly what he thought of their CO. _

"_Yeah, he must have thought we had to respect him then for being so damned determined. As for me, it only made me hate him more." _

"Hey, Smalls, you just gonna stand there while we take all the dames to the pub for ya?" Bill called from a short distance away. I looked around, noticing for the first time that Sobel had dismissed us. Heat filled my cheeks before I ran after the rest of Easy.

**Ron's POV**

I looked in the mirror several times, still not impressed by what I saw. After straightening my tie and combing my hair a few times, I realized what the problem was. My chest was heaving as I sucked shallow breaths through my lungs. My heart was pounding loudly in my ears. I knew then that I was worried. And my anxiety wasn't at all going in the direction it should have been.

I couldn't help but imagine _her _being there and seeing me with Britney. A sharp pang of guilt ripped through me. It was ridiculous, I knew, considering that she had no idea that I was aware of what she was trying to hide. Even more ridiculous because I deserved to go out and have fun every once and a while. But I knew that thoughts of her were going to ruin the evening. Heaving a long sigh, I realized all I could do was hope to God that she didn't show up at the pub tonight. Fixing my tie one last time, I grabbed my jacket and left to go downstairs. I checked my watch. I still had ten minutes before I was supposed to be at the hospital to pick Britney up.

"Ah, going on a date are ya, boy?" Mr. Williams asked me from his seat before the fireplace in the living room. I sent him a shaky smile.

"Yes, sir," I replied, turning to go again. But his voice stopped me once again.

"You look nervous, boy," he stated, rather than asked. With an internal wince, I faced him. It took a lot of effort, but I nodded. It caused the older man's green eyes to crinkle at the corners as he laughed at my expense.

"Oh, boy you've got the looks. There's nothing for ya to be nervous about," he said reassuringly.

"Thank you, Mr. Williams," I said quickly, wanting more than anything to get away from him and his knowing smile. Something told me that somehow or another he knew something that I didn't.

"Just don't forget to lock the door when ya get back in, boy," was all that he said. I nodded, sure that he was looking at me, before I closed the front door behind me. Leaning back against it, I tried to collect myself. Why was I acting like this? I wish I could have been unaffected by _her _presence in my life in the flesh and blood, but I couldn't. She was driving me crazy and I knew that sooner or later, I would have to confront her. I needed answers. Where the hell had she come from? Why was she here now? What had I done to deserve the torture she was unknowingly conflicting on me?

I ran a hand through my hair, my lips letting forth an exasperated sigh as I saw a familiar figure appear before me. It was her. I considered for a moment picking up my pace so that I could walk with her wherever she was going. I couldn't deny that she was an enigma, one that I was, however wrong it might be, undeniably fascinated by. But the impulse when I saw three other people follow her into the street. Even from this far away, I could tell they were the men that had been around her in the mess hall. A growl of jealousy ripped through my chest and my fingers curled in around themselves. I looked down at my hands and wondered what the hell had gotten into me. I didn't want to feel like this, and yet it almost felt like I had no choice in the matter. All I could do was watch the group walk faster and faster toward the darkness where I would no longer be able to see them. I knew somehow that wouldn't really help.

I shook my head, willing the thoughts of her to leave me. But, somehow, I knew the impossibility of that for tonight. I had a very bad feeling that they were going to the pub in town.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the bright lights of the hospital and smiled for the first time since leaving the Williams' house. Finally, I had the distraction I had been looking for. Standing there in the entrance was Britney in a red, knee-high dress that went very well with her skin color. I admired her for a moment before walking out of the darkness. When she saw me, I saw her eyes rove over me with appreciation evident in her smile.

"Hi, Ron," she said, biting her lip shyly. I smiled back at her with an effort. Even at this distance, I could smell the cheap perfume she'd layered on her skin. I quelled the desperate need I had to smell something-or rather someone-who had a natural scent that could never be recreated by even the best perfume maker. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at myself and my idiotic thoughts.

"Hi, Britney. You look wonderful. Are you ready to go?" I asked her, plastering another fake smile on my face. I could feel the falseness, the tension in the situation. There was no awkwardness with _her_. There was tension, of course. I could feel my involuntary reaction kick in when I thought about that tension.

"Of course I am," a voice said, shaking me out of my thoughts. I looked to the heavens, asking whoever might be listening to help get me through this night. Because keeping my eyes and my thoughts off of her was going to be harder than I'd imagined at first.

**Becca's POV**

I was tired, my head hurt, and Bill was forcing me to play darts.

"Come on, Smalls. Look, I know that prick's been working ya to the bone this week but relaxing tonight'll make ya feel better," Bill said, gently coaxing a pitcher of beer into my hand too.

"You sure about that?" I asked him while I battled with a yawn that was trying to overwhelm me. At the look on Bill's face, I rolled my eyes.

"Don't give me that face, Gonorrhea," I said. Bill nudged me in the arm.

"Come on, Fields. Just one game. Do it for old Bill Guarnere," he said, holding up his index finger. I looked at him, then glanced around at the faces of all the guys. They were looking at our exchange with amusement. I threw up my hands in exasperation.

"Oh, fine!" I sighed, then took up my beer and downed it in one gulp, "So, whose team am I on?" Bill threw an arm around me, holding me to his side.

"You'll be with me. I forced ya into it after all," he said with a smirk on his face. I couldn't help but be suspicious of the way he was holding me at his side. Did he know my secret? Looking up into his face, I couldn't be sure.

"Alright, boys, let's go. What're we playing for?" I asked them, taking another swig of my beer and grabbing the darts from Joe Toye. They all looked at me, clearly puzzled.

"Oh come on, we've gotta play for something. Lucky strikes, a free round, I don't care. Pick something," I said, glancing over at Bill only to notice something that I wished I hadn't. Sitting at a quiet corner in the back of the pub was Ron Speirs. And he wasn't alone. The petite blond was laughing at something he'd said and he leaned forward to hear her reply. I could tell just by the way that he was reacting to her that he was interested in her. I watched, with a stab of pain penetrating my chest, as he swept a lock of hair behind her ear as she talked. Jealousy shot through my blood when heat flooded her cheeks and she peeked up at him through her long lashes. He leaned toward her then, his fingertips dancing across her cheek. I looked away, my eyes closing as I tried to control it. The green monster rearing its ugly head inside my body. Of course, being jealous and angry was much better than the pain that threatened to rule over me with each passing second. How naïve I had been to think that he wasn't seeing anyone. I'd been stupid, putting stock in the fact that what my dreams were telling me was real. That once he'd seen me, he wouldn't be able to stay away. I'd been very wrong and that hurt almost more than him being with another woman in the first place.

"Why don't we shoot for a round for now?" Toye said, raising his eyebrows at the look on my face and then glancing over in the direction I was looking.

"You sweet on that broad the Lieutenant's got, Smalls?" Joe asked, nudging me jokingly in the shoulder. I looked up at him and scoffed. I could do this. I could pull off acting indifferent instead of having my emotions written all over my face for once.

"Nah, I'm just wondering why she'd want to suck face with him. He's almost as bad as Sobel," I said, proud that my voice hadn't cracked once but sad that it had come to this. Why couldn't we have gone to another bar? Better yet, why couldn't Ron have just realized that I was really the one he should be with? I shook my head, knowing that it couldn't be that way. Everyone thought that I was a man. Hell, he probably did too.

"Almost as bad, Smalls?"

"Well, you know, Speirs has balls. Sobel, or at least as far as I've seen, doesn't have any," I said, chuckling lightly as I slipped a pack of cigarettes out of my pocket. I looked at the pack, thinking back on the memorabilia dad had in his office. A pack that looked just like this had been one of his most prized possessions. I remembered that every year on the anniversary of D-Day, he would take one out and smoke it until it had almost burned down to his fingers. Sometimes, I wondered if he'd rather be in the midst of World War 2 rather than where he was stuck. I hadn't ever understood why. In modern times we had plumbing, McDonald's, and not to mention internet. But, now I was beginning to understand exactly what his obsession had been with this era. I couldn't describe it, but this was a completely different time from 2009. And if I had to pick one to be in right now, I'd stay here. Here I was accepted. Maybe not for who I really was, but the only thing I was hiding was my real name and the fact that I was a woman.

"Alright, Fields. You're holding the darts, so can we play now?" Luz asked, rubbing his hands together as him and Joe Toye watched me with smug smiles on their faces. I didn't have to ask to know what they were thinking. They thought they were going to win.

With a smirk of my own, I tossed the first dart towards the board. When it hit the bulls eye dead on, I turned to them. Both of their jaws had dropped.

"And that's how it's done, gentlemen," I said, returning to my beer and gulping the rest of it down, "Whataya say, Bill, you thirsty?" Bill lifted his hand in the air for me to high-five.

"Now, that was a hell of a throw. Joe, Luz I think the man wants another beer."

***

I don't know how many beers I'd downed, but I felt like I was on cloud-nine. All the pain and stress I'd been carrying on my shoulders for the past few days faded into the distance as the beer took over my body. The voices of the men around me seemed to blend into one as they egged me on with my next shot. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a couple leaving the pub. It amazed me that I didn't care at all who it might be. A slight swelling in my chest was the only indicator that I still could feel anything but this ignorant, blind happiness that was swirling through me. I picked up the glass, not noticing the fact that I was swaying softly to the beat of my own heartbeat, not knowing that at my side was a man waiting to catch me when I finally fell. I lifted the shot glass, the amber-colored liquid spilling over the sides and onto my fingers. I placed the cool glass to my lips, enjoying the feel of the alcohol rubbing sensuously over my lips. Then, I tipped my head back and gulped down the volatile substance. The room seemed to spin and I was about to call for another shot when everything seemed to grow fuzzy around the edges of my vision. Before I knew it, someone was pulling my arm around their shoulder.

"Ah, c-come on," I slurred, my words threatening to mix together if I hadn't been concentrating so hard. In response, they only tightened their hold on me and started to walk away towards where I knew the entrance lay. Something in my heart fell, knowing that soon enough I would be able to feel again. I'd have to deal with the pain that Ron and I would never be together. I tripped over something that felt like a chair.

"Oops, sorry," a voice, reassuring and strong in the midst of my chaotic world, muttered in my ear. I knew that voice, but in my state of mind I couldn't pin it exactly. A moment later, my thoughts were swept up and away with the chilling breeze that struck against my bare face and hands. My entire body shuddered from the sudden cold and I huddled closer to the man supporting most of my weight.

"We'll be back to barracks in a minute, Smalls," the voice told me, dragging his arm towards my waist so that he could hold me up better. I smiled as heat rushed to my cheeks.

"Say, why do you guys call me Smalls all the time?" I asked him, a sudden thought occurring to me. I wondered why I'd never asked that before. I could feel the chuckles that vibrated through his chest.

"Well, in case you ain't noticed, you are the smallest man in Easy. Even Perconte's bigger than you."

"Hesnot. We're the same height," I said, my lips pouting out defensively. It only made him laugh harder against me.

"Yeah, but he's well he's more built than you are," he explained. I could sense that we were getting closer to the barracks when he told me to be quiet as I began to reply.

"We gotta be quiet now. Everybody else is sleepin' alright?" I could do nothing but nod. We continued forward, our footsteps echoing against the floor as we got closer to my bed. Throughout the room, I could hear the snores and breathing of whoever else was in here. I'd noticed that most of Easy was still at the pub when we'd left, so there couldn't be more than twenty others in here. I wondered again who was helping me back. Everything in my vision had gone all blurry and I knew I couldn't trust my ears either.

"Alright, easy does it, Smalls," the voice said softly in my ear. He bent down, my knees buckling beneath me. With his free hand, he pulled back the covers and then pushed me down on top of it. In the dim light, I saw him straighten up and then move to turn around. Panicking slightly at the thought of being left alone, I stood up a little too fast to follow after him. As the world tilted again, I let out a soft moan.

"Oh God," I whispered, covering my mouth with my hand as quickly as I could. A pair of arms came around my waist again and eased me back down onto the bed.

"What the hell are you thinking? You're gonna throw up all over the damn floor," the voice admonished me angrily. My breathing hitched at the tone of his voice. And, unwillingly, the tears flooded to my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, voice thick with my unshed tears. I felt him sigh next to me. I imagined him running a hand through his hair.

"God, are you gonna cry on me?" he asked me in exasperation. I shook my head defiantly. I wasn't going to cry in front of him, not if I could help it. But, obviously my body had different plans. The tears leaked down my face and fell into my lap. Sobbing quietly, I wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to keep the feelings inside.

"Jesus Christ!" the voice muttered before his arms closed around my torso. Throwing caution to the wind, my fingers twisted the front of his jacket in my fists and pulled him closer. He held me, whispering words of comfort in my ears. My heart swelled slightly at the small kindness. It was nice, being held like this. It almost made me feel like someone was finally back in my life that cared about me. I felt his lips pressing against my hair.

"It's alright. Just breathe," he muttered, his voice so soft now that I could barely hear it. It was such a change that I pulled back in surprise. I realized all at once what I was risking. The way he was holding me, like I was the most fragile thing in the world, made me positive that he'd figured out that I was a woman. I wanted to push him away, but I knew that I wouldn't. It almost felt nice to have someone else know my secret. So, I didn't push him away, instead I laid down and held his hand tightly.

"Will you stay until I fall asleep?" I asked him quietly. My eyelids were already dropping closed, but I had to know that someone was there when I fell asleep.

"Sure I will, kiddo," he said, a smile evident in his tone. I pulled his hand to my chest, holding it close and taking comfort in its warmth and solidness. I soon fell asleep, my mind blissfully blank throughout the night. I was unaware of the gentle fingers stroking my cheek and the soft lips that pressed themselves to my temple before he left to go to his own bunk.

**Ron's POV**

Looking to the other side of the pub, I saw her as soon as she entered. The electricity that shot up my spine was almost unbearable. On the edge of pain and pleasure, I had to take a deep breath to keep myself steady. I knew that I wouldn't last long without crossing the room and taking her into my arms if I continued to look at her. So, I turned my chair to face my companion. I smiled at her gentle eyes and bright smile.

"So, are you having a good time?" I asked her, my fingers stretching across the table to take her hand. She looked down at it, blushing like mad. Her hand came up to her chest as if to still the sudden thunder of her pulse.

"I am having a good time. You're the most handsome soldier in Aldbourne, so I consider myself one lucky lady," she said, ending with a soft chuckle. I waited to feel something, anything. But there was nothing. Nothing except for the dull echo of it through to my soul. I wanted to roll my eyes at the situation. I'd wanted to go on this date for the sole purpose of being distracted from the woman standing not twenty feet away from me, and she'd just followed me here. I had the sudden urge to leave, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep up the charade with Britney if I did. I saw her send a look over my shoulder for a moment, her eyebrows drawing together tightly. She blushed again and glanced down at the ground. Curious, I half-turned in my seat to look back at what she'd been staring at. To my surprise, I watched her turn around and take a big swig of her beer. She hadn't been fast enough for me to miss the look on her face. It was pained and it sent a jolt through me. She was sad and probably a bit angry that I was on this date with another woman.

Good, I thought as I continued to watch her. She was surrounded by men who were all laughing at whatever she'd just said. Of course, they didn't know that she was only pretending to be a man, but it didn't dull the jealousy I felt raging through me. It only intensified as the night wore on. With every touch of the same black-haired Sergeant, I knew that any moment I would jump up and grab him by the throat. I didn't want anyone touching her but me. It didn't matter that they didn't know. Anger writhed within me until finally, I took Britney's hand and told her that we were leaving. Thankfully, she didn't protest. She wasn't stupid. I knew that the anger was evident in my voice. I pulled Britney closer, taking comfort in the fact that at least I could openly acknowledge my female companion. Whereas she could do nothing. It was petty, but it was all I could do not to break down completely. The woman had worked her way so far under my skin that I was sure that if we'd stayed one more second in the place I would have shot someone.

As soon as we were outside, I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. I think I need to call it a night, Britney. I promise next time that it'll be a longer date," I said, throwing her one of my most charming smiles. I couldn't help but imagine that someone else was on the receiving end of that grin. My heart contracted painfully, but I managed to keep my emotions off my face.

In response to what I'd said, Britney took a step closer to me, her hand landing gently on my chest.

"There's going to be a next time?" she asked me, her voice taking on a soft and sultry tone. I stared down at her, trying to muster any appropriate emotion for the situation. Surprisingly, nothing rose within me. I wanted to feel something, anything except this dull hollowness. But I didn't. I plastered a smile to my face and nodded, leaning toward her to place a kiss to her cheek. At the last moment, she twisted her face to the side so that our lips met. I shuddered with disgust at myself. I wasn't cheating, but it certainly felt like it. Confused beyond all doubt, I stepped away from her.

"I have to go," I said, my pulse racing with guilt in my chest, "I'll talk to you soon." With that, I stumbled away into the darkness. The date hadn't gone at all like I'd planned. Instead of getting over her, I'd just been pulled even more under her spell. Sooner rather than later, I was going to have to talk to her. Maybe then, being so close to her, would let me get over it. Let me master my once carefully-controlled emotions. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that wouldn't be the case. If I had her within my grasp, I wouldn't ever let go. Of that I was absolutely certain.

**Okay so more development of Becca's mystery guy. As well as some confusion on both her and Ron's parts about each other. For those of you who have been reviewing, thank you so much! I can't even tell you how much I am appreciating the feedback. I never expected to get this kind of response, so seriously thank you. Hopefully, this chapter held enough clues for you all to really start guessing who the mystery guy is. **

**And if you have the time, please review. It would be very much appreciated. :)**


	7. I Caught Fire in Your Eyes

_I'm melting_

_In your eyes_

_I lost my place_

_Could stay a while_

_And I'm melting_

"_I Caught Fire in Your Eyes" by The Used_

**Becca's POV**

**March 25, 1944**

I stuck the last of the paperwork I'd been assigned to do on the corner of the desk and stood up. I winced as bones cracked and unused muscles were allowed to stretch for the first time in hours.

"Gene, have I mentioned how much I hate paperwork?" I asked Gene, who was at another desk in the small room filling out inventory forms. We'd been in here for the past two days doing paperwork the aid station seemed to have been neglecting for the past two months. Why we'd been picked out of all the staff on hand was beyond me, but I was almost glad for it. Something had changed that day in the bar. I could feel it waiting just under the surface of my awareness to lash out. I felt helpless against it and until I knew exactly what had caused it, I was adamant about staying away from both Bill and Ron.

"Yeah, Fields, about twenty times already," he groaned, his face hitting the stack in aggravation. I could understand his frustration. I'd rather be out doing runs with Sobel than see another piece of paper. I was just about to sling my medical bag over my shoulder when a familiar figure passed by the door's entrance. I let out a squeak, one that Gene didn't seem to notice. Ducking beneath a desk, I hoped I wasn't too late to hide from Bill.

Ever since the night that I'd gotten drunk, Bill even more than Ron had been difficult to hide from. I couldn't help but feel that he knew exactly what I was trying to keep secret, something that I had no idea how to handle. His dark eyes would soften whenever he looked at me and his smiles held more knowledge than I was really ready to face. If he knew, I couldn't be sure that he wouldn't tell someone. So, I'd been avoiding him ever since. And it seemed like he'd finally gotten tired of it. I gulped down my fear, my heart pounding hard and fast in my chest. My teeth came down on my bottom lip to keep myself from making any noise.

I heard footsteps as someone entered the room. I closed my eyes, trying in vain to steady my pulse and my breathing.

"Hey, Doc, you seen Fields anywhere?" _Oh God, Gene, don't tell him. Don't say anything, please._

"Uh, well, funny you should ask because he was just at that desk." Thoughts of strangling Roe in his sleep flashed through my mind before Bill's angry face appeared in my line of vision. I started, my head crashing against the heavy wood of the desk. I cried out, holding my throbbing head in my hands.

"Jesus Christ, Bill!" I muttered, rubbing the sore spot and wincing from the pain. That was definitely going to bruise. I could see his lips twitching, obviously trying to keep the laughter from spilling out. I glared at him as if daring him to say anything.

"What the hell're ya doin' down there, Fields?" he asked, his chuckles echoing in the small space and making my chest swell even as I rolled my eyes at him. I ducked out from beneath the desk, settling in the hard-backed chair for a moment before answering him.

"I thought I dropped something," I muttered, my voice shaky and quiet. Silence ensued, the only sound in the room the scratching of Gene's pen against the paper before him. Bill just looked at me, his eyes staring at me, through me, like I'd never seen him look at me before. I knew then, without a doubt, that he knew I was hiding something. Something huge. I looked away from him as Gene stood up and stretched. But I could still feel his gaze like a white hot flame licking my skin. I closed my eyes to the sensation, feeling my heart pounding from anticipation of what he was going to do.

"Alright, James, I think I'll be taking off for the day. I'll see you back at barracks?" Gene posed it as a question as he looked between Bill and me. The slight pucker that formed between his black eyebrows was the only sign that he could sense something was going on too. He didn't say anything, though, for which I was grateful. I collected myself quickly, and spouted out a hurried, "yes," before he left the room.

The tension in the room was palpable and I felt slightly sick with it. My insides writhed with it, my unease grew greater while the seconds ticked past.

"So, me and the boys was wondering if you wanted to come with us to the pub tonight? You haven't been in two weeks," Bill's voice almost seemed like just another part of the room. Materializing out of thin air and fading before I'd really had the chance to process what he'd said.

"What?" I asked, shaking my head so that I could snap out of whatever daze I'd fallen into to. Bill rolled his eyes, shoving his hands into his pockets. It was then that I realized he was nervous, yet another piece of the puzzle.

"I asked ya if ya wanted to go to the pub tonight." I glanced down at my quavering hands, tempted to sit on them just so that I would stop shaking so much.

"Oh," I said lamely, my teeth darting outwards to capture and tease my bottom lip. The pub. The very place I'd been avoiding for the past two weeks. How could I say yes to him? When every nerve in my body was screaming for me not to go. There was almost a guaranteed chance that Ron would be there. I flinched as I thought of the company he would bring. The gorgeous blonde that so obviously belonged on his arm. He deserved someone like that. I, however much I wanted to be that for him, was nowhere near up to his standards. It was easier to accept that I simply wasn't good enough for him and to move on. Only, I was more stuck on him now than ever. The few glimpses I'd caught of him at the hospital when he came by to see her sent my heart reeling and my knees crumbling like sand beneath me. No, there was no way I was going to the pub.

"I don't think so, Bill. I've been..."

"Working all week, I know. And you've been avoiding me for the past two for God knows what reason. So come on, Smalls. Just one damn beer and then I'll let you drag your lazy ass back to barracks," Bill said, amusement lighting up his eyes at the surprise on my face, "Oh yeah, you think old Bill Guarnere don't know when he's being snubbed?"

"I have not been snubbing you, Bill. I told you I've been busy. Besides, why would I be avoiding you?" I asked him, realizing that the question was sort of rhetorical. We both knew exactly why, but I would never go right out and say it. To do so would be the end of my military career, the only thing I had to hold onto in this time. To my astonishment, Bill stepped closer to me. His arms came to either side of my hips as he leaned over me, a smirk forming on his lips at my quick intake of breath. Stuck between his chest and the desk, I couldn't help the way my breath hitched and my pulse quickened to a steady gallop. The blood flowed hot and thick through my veins. I could feel my pupils dilate with my desire. This was the first time a man had been so close and I couldn't help but notice that Bill Guarnere was quite attractive. It wasn't fair that he could put me in such a position.

"What are you doing?" I demanded, my voice much firmer and steeled than I felt right now. Bill's grin only grew and his warm breath flowed across my cheeks and flooded me with heat.

"Say you'll come to the pub," he said, his voice low and sensuous in my ear. I shuddered, feeling the shaking of my knees.

"Fine," I whispered, unable to say anything else. I cursed the day that I'd become so easily bent to the will of a man and I wondered when this had happened. I also wondered when I'd begun to notice that Bill Guarnere was a man, one that was obviously interested in me because of the mystery I presented. But did I feel the same? I couldn't honestly say and I knew that no man could ever make me feel the way Ron did.

Bill pushed away from the desk and gave me a mock salute.

"Well I'll see you tonight then," he said and walked out before I could reply. I took a shuddering breath and covered my mouth with my hand. What was I going to do?

**Ron's POV**

_My eyes are closed, my breath rising with a clamor in conjunction with the woman beside me. Her soft lips work as a tantalizing fire licking and biting my skin on their trail to my face. Her hands work away my clothing one item at a time. Now my shirt, now my pants falling to the floor. _

_I can't help the guttural moan that rips through my throat as she straddles my lap. I grip her hips tightly in my fingers, silently willing her to stop. I can already feel myself on the edge, all my muscles taut and bulging in her hands. _

"_Stop," I tell her, my voice so hoarse in my strain that it is unrecognizable. In defiance, she rubs herself against me with a small whimper. _

"_Ron," she pleads, succeeding in nearly breaking my will in two. Beneath me, my legs are shaking with trepidation. I feel like I never have before. With her, I feel like an ignorant virgin, someone who has never known the power and freedom that comes with the act of making love to another person. _

_She looks down at me, through me. Drowning me in her bright blue eyes which look like two glacial lakes in the midst of her ivory-colored skin. Every look is like a brush of our bare skin, like a caress of her soul on mine. I lean forward to capture her lips in a bruising kiss. I am consumed by my passion. My one goal in making her feel a pleasure so great that she will forever be mine. _

_Her lips feel like silk against mine, slipping and sliding in a delicate dance as old as time. Her fingers knot within my hair, pulling me even closer to her heated body. My hands come up to balance her in my arms as I turn her over, pushing her back into the bed. She moans, the sound vibrating through my body and traveling straight to my groin. I pull away from her, breathless and looking down on her beauty with a sly smirk. _

"_You don't know what you do to me," I whisper, sweeping a black lock behind her ear. She shudders beneath me, her hand coming up to hold mine to her face. _

"_Show me," she mutters softly. I lean down, making a trail with my lips from her stomach to her lips. I can't deny her anything. And this is the one request I have been waiting to grant her for a long time. _

I shoot upwards in bed at the knock on my door. Sweat coated my skin like a second layer and the bulge in my boxers was proof that I needed the woman from my dreams like no other. I groaned, rubbing a hand through my hair.

"Lieutenant Speirs?" a timid voice called through the door. I fell back in the bed, recognizing the voice at once. Britney. I ripped the covers away from myself and jumped out of bed. I couldn't ignore her and I couldn't let her see the proof of my arousal.

"Just a second," I shouted, wrenching my pants up my legs and buttoning them at my waist. I searched the floor for my shirt, spotting it near the edge of the bed. I padded toward it and throw it over my head in haste. Taking a deep breath, I walked toward the door trying to think about anything but my dream. When I opened the door, I wanted to feel a little bit happy that there was a beautiful woman waiting on the other side for me. Her bright smile and kind eyes were glowing and her cheeks took on a pink tinge when she saw me. But I didn't feel a thing. How could I, in all honesty, say that she was beautiful? I wrung my hands together as I stepped aside for her to enter the room. The casual brush of her soft arm against mine should have sent a jolt of electricity through me, but it didn't. I found myself wanting. And I knew then that I was more over my head than I'd thought before.

Ever since that first date when I'd been forced to spend the entire evening with _her _at my back, calling for my attention from across the room, I had felt something working its way slowly within me. If I didn't do something to quell it or release it, I knew I was going to go insane.

"Ron, are you aright?" Britney asked, her doe eyes doing nothing to calm me down. If anything, thinking more about that dream only made being near her all the more uncomfortable.

"Yeah, uh, I'm fine. Did you need something?" I asked her, trying to keep the hostility from my voice. By the look on her face, I hadn't succeeded. She turned from me, ducking her head slightly as she went to the desk and sat down.

"No- well, yes. I was wondering if we could go out tonight? It's been a really long week at the hospital and I can see something's obviously bothering you. So, why don't we go to the pub and relax for a while?" I thought about it, my mind saying no while my mouth wanted to spout out a yes. What if she was there again? What would I do then? But I did need a distraction. Anything to keep my mind off of her.

So, before I really knew what I was doing, I replied with a short, "Sure." At that, Britney jumped up from the desk chair and hugged me about the neck. Planting a quick kiss on my cheek and laying a hand on my chest, she thanked me. I looked down on her. On her blonde curls, delicate face, and pink lips and knew that she wasn't the girl for me. She was pretty, but there was nothing there. No connection, no passion, no mystery.

"You're welcome," I said then searched for an excuse to shove her out. I glanced down at my watch. 6:00, "Well, I've gotta be assembled at 0630." Her eyes widened and she stepped away from me with a small smile.

"Of course. Duty calls," she said with a sad glint in her eyes, "I have to be at the hospital by then anyway." She walked past me. Again, a brush of her bare skin on mine. And then she was gone. Leaving me alone to my thoughts, making me almost regret seeing her leave. I shook my head, my mind taking me to places where I didn't want to go. I crossed the room to where my ODs were hanging up. I took one down, threw it on the bed and began to undress. As I took off my clothes, a sudden thought struck me.

I didn't even know the woman's name. How could I have not realized it until now? I rubbed my jaw with my hand. It was yet another mystery about her that I wanted to solve. Steering clear of her would be much harder than I thought. I managed to control myself by turning my thoughts to the pub tonight. I really had been tense for these past two weeks and catching glimpses of her around Aldbourne hadn't been helping. Yes, going to the pub tonight was a good idea. Now, if only she would stay away from there for just this one night, I would be fine.

***

I heaved a sigh of relief. It seemed that she wasn't coming after all. I turned to my date, who was watching the couples twirl and dance on the floor. She looked exhausted, of course, I'm sure I did too. The invasion was fast approaching, galloping at lightning speed toward us. It's awaiting victims. But I wasn't scared. I wasn't even nervous, because I knew I would not die in this. I could feel it in my bones, feel it like a snake coiled in the pit of my stomach. I wouldn't die because my business with the woman was not over just yet. I marveled again at the fact that I didn't know her name.

_Soon, _I thought to myself, _soon enough I will know her name_. I glanced over at my date again, feeling guilty and somewhat put-out that she was still consuming my every thought. Sighing internally, I took in Britney's face. I realized then that she wanted to dance. Jumping on the opportunity to whisk away my thoughts, I grabbed her hand.

"Want to dance?" I asked her, even as I was hoisting her from her seat. Surprise filled her expression before she looked down at our entwined hands and blushed furiously.

"Of course," she simpered. I nodded and pulled her to the dance floor, my stomach filling with knots for what reason I could not comprehend. I couldn't focus on the song, I couldn't focus on anything. And I found that I didn't want. This felt so wrong. My hand should not be lying on this hip. My eyes should not be watching this woman. My shoulders should not be gripped in this way. Yet here I was, betraying both my desire and my need for another. Of course, as soon as these thoughts flooded unbidden and unwanted through my mind, my eyes caught the intense blue stare from across the room. She was sitting with the Easy men that seemed to swarm her like flies whenever I saw her. The black-haired sergeant was nudging her for her attention. Only when he snapped his fingers in front of her face did she release me from her gaze. I sighed with a breath I did not know I had been holding.

"Ron, are you alright?" Britney asked me, her voice filling with concern. I hardly heard her and I didn't even make an effort to look down on her. My eyes were only for _her_ as she laughed at whatever the Sergeant was saying. Again, an enraged jealousy filled me to my very core. I could feel myself begin to shake with it, my vision blurring around the edges until all I could see was them together. It didn't matter that the sergeant might not have known her secret, but my rage took control of all conscious thought. I was tempted to walk over there and pull her away, but that would raise questions. Questions I did not want to have to answer. Questions that I could not afford if I wanted her to say, which I desperately did. Out of the corners of my eyes, as I danced with Britney, I could see some movement. And whenever I watched, her she came nearer and nearer to us. My heart was pounding, my heart like a flickering flame providing the heat to cover my entire body. It consumed me, made me mad with want and need. And then, there she was. I stopped mid-step and stared at her. I could only hope that she saw my true feelings for her. I had been called cold-hearted and unfeeling. But for her, I could let the floodgates open for just a moment so that I could reveal the truth to her. It might have been a trick of the light as her mouth moved, but I could have sworn that I saw an answering to my desire. Her bright blue eyes seemed to fill with electricity, sending my pulse sky-rocketing. Then, I noticed that she was looking at me expectantly as if she had just asked a question. With an effort, I shook my head from the clouds and focused on her again.

"What?" I asked her, my voice surprisingly tender. I cleared my throat, closing myself off again. The surprise was evident on her face, but she recovered just as quickly, clearing her throat as well.

"I asked if I could cut in?" she said, looking me straight in the eye. Unafraid, convinced that I would not deny that simple request. But how could it be simple when it flooded my heart with doubts? Why would a woman ask to dance with another woman? Shame and embarrassment filled me as I wondered if I had been wrong after all. I looked, really looked, at her for only a moment more before I placed Britney's hand in hers. That small brush of her bare skin on mine sent shivers of utter pleasure down my spine and sent me spiraling into the deep abyss of my own thoughts. I couldn't help but think that if a simple touch could invoke feelings like that, there was no way Private Fields was a man.

**Becca's POV**

I could feel the shudder that passed through him at our simple brush of skin on skin. It flowed from his fingertips into my own and I had to close my eyes for a moment to refrain from shivering in anticipatory delight. Why did this-staying away from him-have to be so damn hard? And what on Earth had possessed me to walk over here to ask his girlfriend to dance? I was jealous, I could admit that. But walking over here and purposefully walking into the lion's den had to have been the stupidest thing I could have done.

Coming to my senses, I took the woman's hands in my own and began to lead her around the dance floor in an awkward two-step. I was thankful that I was just an inch taller than her. Otherwise, it would have been weird. I tried to keep the smirk off my face when I saw that she looked slightly put-out that she now had to dance with me instead of Ron. It was petty, but I found comfort in it.

"So," I began, attempting to brighten the mood by making small-talk, "I never caught your name while we were working at the hospital." Her green eyes moved up my torso and finally landed on my face. There was something unreadable behind that mask of porcelain skin and perfectly bowed pink lips.

"It's Britney," she said, a small smile lighting her expression. I nodded, scanning the crowd quickly and seeing Bill watching me with a funny look on his face. Something glowed in his dark eyes as our gaze met and then he looked away just as quickly.

"Britney is a nice name," I said, blushing a little bit as I thought how ridiculous my current position was. Surprise flooded her face and her cheeks flushed red too.

"And what's your name, soldier?" she asked me, biting her lip and batting her eyelashes at me. I refrained from rolling her eyes and telling her that her moves were being wasted on me, knowing that keeping her busy and away from Ron was the only hope that I had.

"It's James. James Fields. I'm with Easy Company in the 506th."

"A paratrooper?" she asked in awe, something just behind those green orbs sparking to life. It could have been anything, but I had a very good feeling that I might be playing my role a bit too well.

"Yes, ma'am," I said, leaning forward slightly so that my lips were right next to her ear, "But just between you and me, Easy Company has better men than Dog." Where the hell had that come from? I shrugged internally, figuring that I would milk the guise for all I could while I could. I had to hang onto whatever advantage I could and judging by the way Ron was looking at us now, I knew that he hadn't been expecting it at all. I wondered for a brief moment what that could mean. Could he possibly know what I was trying to hide? If he did, then should I be happy or worried about it?

"Oh, James, I don't doubt that," she said, her fingertips moving gently along my shoulder and up to caress my bare neck. I blushed, my teeth coming out to tease my bottom lip. Jumping from her as I realized the song was over. I clapped quickly along with the other people, keeping my gaze adamantly away from her face. I could tell she was looking at me. But hers weren't the only pair of eyes on me. I could feel two other sets. Each belonging to certain dark haired, dark-eyed men in Easy and Dog.

As the next song began again, I jumped when a hand closed around my shoulder again. Only it was much different from the hand that had sent chills of fear rolling through my body. I could tell it was Ron, who had come back to claim his dance partner.

"I think I'll take over," he said, his voice sounding so close that I could almost imagine his lips tracing the outline of my earlobe. It sent tingles of pleasure to my toes and threatened to turn me into a puddle of goo. Without answering him, I shrugged out of his grasp and fled as fast as I could toward the exit doors. The gazes followed me, painting a trail of shame and embarrassment so that they would be sure to continue to torment me. I stumbled out of the doors, quickly making my way to the left into an abandoned side-street. I leaned against the wall, tears beginning to drip from my eyes and landing on the uniform covering what I really was. Landing there and soaking through to my skin. I began to feel a chill that filled me to my bones, a dread that was intent on wreaking havoc on everything that I had come to know for the past few weeks. I was on the verge of breaking already and we weren't even out of England yet. I was so close to experiencing one of the biggest moments in history. I hadn't gotten this far to quit now, had I? As I sank to the ground, I couldn't help but feel like I was doing that. I felt like a failure, a complete ruin of a human being. Transformed and mutilated by a lifetime of ridicule as well as a twisted sense of what was fact or fiction anymore. Sickening cries ripped through me, making me grab my knees and pull them to my chest. I couldn't even really pinpoint exactly why I was crying. The lies I was living. The man I was completely enamored with was choosing another woman over me. And to top it all off I had a strong feeling that the same woman might believe that I was hitting on her.

"God dammit!" I muttered aloud, another sob working its way up my throat.

"God dammit is right," a voice said from the shadows to my left. I started, my face whipping up to see who had intruded on my cry-fest. I was shocked, though not overly so, to see Bill Guarnere standing there looking down on me with so much knowledge in his eyes that it scared me.

"Bill?!" I gasped, wiping my face and trying to hold on to any semblance of a man that I could just to keep my lies going. When he knelt before me and pushed my hands away, I knew the gig was up. At least with him. He smiled gently, his hands taking over for my own. He brushed the tears away, cupping my cheeks with his strong palms. We stared at each other for a moment. I didn't know what to say to him. I was terrified of so many things. Most of all what he would do with the information he knew.

"Don't worry, I ain't gonna tell nobody, woman," he said, his voice surprisingly gentle as he continued to stare at me.

"How did you-," I began to ask, but he held his finger to my lips. Butterflies filled my stomach and I tried not to let it show on my face.

"If I were a woman hiding in the Army, I'd be thinking the same thing. Now," he said, his tone shifting with the look in his eyes. He was trying to hide an amused smirk from his face, "Why don't we start with you telling me your real name."

Tears filled my eyes anew and I couldn't help but throw my arms around him and press my face into his warm neck.

"Becca. My real name is Becca," I said, my voice muffled by his skin and the tears that were now flowing like a thick rain down my face. He pulled me to his chest, his hands rubbing up and down my back.

"It's gonna be okay, Becca," he muttered in my ear. To my astonishment, I found the strength to believe him.

**Okay yay finally and this was not an April Fool's joke hehe! Hopefully you have all figured out who the mystery guy was. I know its sort of implied, but if you didn't...it's Bill! And I won't say any more on that front. Lots going on in this chapter. This is only the beginning of all the drama. So don't say I didn't warn you. :) Please review if you have the time. Oh and for anyone wondering...Becca was "flirting" with Britney because she wanted to get her away from Ron. I don't write slash, so put it out of your minds lol. Sorry Alice in Wonderland quote...by the way, is anyone else madly in love with Johnny Depp's Hatter? Or is it just me?**

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant for the real men of Easy Company. The only things I own are my OCs and any plot lines that you do not recognize. **


	8. Possibility

_Know that when you leave_

_By blood and by me you walk like a thief_

_By blood and by me, I fall when you leave_

_So tell me when you hear my heart stop_

_You're the only one that knows_

_Tell me when you hear my silence_

_There's a possibility I wouldn't know_

"_Possibility" by Lykke Li_

**Becca's POV**

My mind was reeling. Here I was, walking as calmly as if nothing had happened with Bill Guarnere. I wondered at the impossibility of it, but mostly I was amazed that I had so readily accepted that this was my reality now. The internal arguments I'd held with myself those first few days about hallucinations, illusions, and my mind finally cracking under the pressure of so many courses were long past. I knew now that I was really in 1944. I was positive of it. As sure as I could get with Bill's warmth wrapping its tendrils around my body and holding me close. Caressing me through the distance between our bodies and inviting me even closer.

"Bill?" I said, my voice clanging harshly in the silent darkness. He looked over at me, his lips turning up at the corners and his eyes filling with amusement.

"Yeah?"

"How long have you known? I mean, when did you figure it out?"

"Known what, Fields?" he asked in mock ignorance. I punched his arm, a grin unfolding on my mouth. I felt an intense relief at knowing that I now had a friend that knew at least one of the secrets plaguing my heart. I felt like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders that I hadn't even known I'd been carrying.

"You know what. Don't be such a jackass, Gonorrhea." He glanced over at me, now visibly trying to hide his smile. He gave me a stern look and waggled his finger at me.

"Easy with that, or you just might find yourself in front of Colonel Sink with a very big secret to explain," he told me. I knew he was joking, but it still sent a jolt of fear straight to my heart. It bloomed like a flower of doubt in my soul, steadily infecting everything it came in contact with.

"Bill, you are the only one who's figured it out, right? You haven't told anyone else?" He paused mid-stride at the look on my face. He grabbed my upper arms and squeezed them tightly.

"I haven't told anyone anything, Becca. And I won't either. Don't you worry your pretty little head about that," he said, pulling me to his chest and kissing the top of my head for good measure. I found little comfort in it, but I managed a smile anyway. I stood there, enfolded in the warmth of his arms and wondered why I couldn't have fallen for him. He was attractive, obviously willing to risk a lot to keep my secret safe, so why had I chosen what seemed to be the most oblivious man in the entire 506th?

"Come on, Becca," Bill said gently, tugging on my hand. His fingers entangled themselves with mine, keeping our hands close to his side. That way, if anyone walked by, they would just think that we were walking very close together. Besides, in the dark, not much could be identified about two approaching figures.

Just as I thought that, the sensation of being watched rode my skin as lightning. Causing all the hairs on my body to stand on end. I stopped, whirled around, and searched the dark frantically for any sign of our intruder.

"What is it, doll face?" Bill asked. I looked a moment more, discerning no definite human shape in the swirl of the black night. I turned back hesitantly, the person's eyes still glued to my back.

"Nothing. I feel like someone's watching me," I told him, making sure now to keep my voice quiet. If I was being honest, I knew exactly who I wanted to be watching me from afar. Ron Speirs, the man who still had yet to do anything to reveal that he knew I was hiding something. Although, there was one secret that I still hadn't even told Bill. A secret that no one in this lifetime would ever dare to dream. Of course, in 2009, time travel wasn't exactly common either. It was more than impossible and I pondered again why it had been me. Why had I flown back over 60 years through the vortex of time to be here with these men? Maybe it was because I'd had no friends, no ties to the world except for my oblivious mother. My only friend had died two years ago, or 63 years into the future depending on how I looked at it.

"You sure, you're okay?" Bill asked me, startling me and making me jump into the air. I covered my heart with my hand as it tried to free itself of my chest. I took a sharp intake of breath, the cold air acting like a bucket of water to my senses.

"Yeah, just thinking," I said quietly, tightening my grip on his hand as I sought reassurance. I needed an anchor, something that would ground me until I got my thoughts in order. Or else I'd just end up breaking under all the pressure like I had tonight.

***

**March 27, 1944**

I could feel eyes on me, following every move that I made. I was tempted to turn around and meet the green, watery gaze of the woman, but I wasn't sure that I could face her. Not when I suspected that she had somehow taken a fancy to me. I closed my eyes, continuing to pack supplies into boxes. The pressure was really on now to get ready for the invasion. We could all feel it, especially in Easy. Two days ago, Sobel had royally fucked up a training exercise and would have gotten 95% of Easy killed if it had been for real, including himself. I'd had the unlucky pleasure to stay behind along with a few soldiers I hadn't had the privilege to talk to yet. Holmes and Gunther were the other two. We'd been ordered to stay out there in the middle of the forest outside Aldbourne for over an hour while Easy trooped back to the town, Sobel leading the lot of them looking like a pack of lost puppies. We'd shot the shit, gotten to know each other a bit, before we were finally fetched for. As punishment for his screw-up, Sobel made us do another 10-mile run that same day. And he had us scheduled for a night march tonight. I rolled my eyes, thinking back on it.

"_Night march tonight. No excuses for absence and a court-martial will be placed on anyone who does skip out. I don't care if you are dying in the aid station."_

Honestly, how could the man expect to gain any respect when he couldn't even take responsibility for his own actions? I heaved a sigh, one that did not go unnoticed by the woman staring at me. I could hear footsteps and my entire body froze in trepidation. When the gentle hand came down on my arm, I resisted the urge to flinch away. Instead, I gritted my teeth and waited for her to say something.

"James, are you alright? Do you need any help?" Britney asked me. I slowly turned my eyes on her, surprised by the blush that had formed on her cheeks. I had to admit, I knew why Ron would want someone like her hanging on his arm. She was pretty, nice, and seemed to like him very much. But I couldn't help the jealousy that reared its ugly head within my breast and I promised it that someday soon, our time would come. The time to press my lips to his, to feel the comfort of his arms enfold me in their grip. I guess this was what it felt like. To be truly drawn to a man, in both lust and love. Although, I believed it was more lust than anything else because I was most certainly not in love with a man I had only spoken too on two occasions.

_That's not true and you know it. You've known him for going on two years now. _

It was ridiculous, but in a way, it did make sense. I remembered the first dream he had ever entered into. He almost seemed like two sides of the same coin. One side was the one I was shown in my dreams. The tender but passionate man who was always one step away from taking away my virginity. And then there was the cold-hearted, seemingly unfeeling man who still managed to flood me with desire with just one look, one brush of skin. I wondered which man was the real Ronald Speirs, but I knew that either way I would take him. I would take him for all that I had to give, and I could only hope that when the time came he would feel the same way. A tightening on my forearm drew my glassy gaze.

"James, are you alright?" There was fear and hesitance in her voice now, as though she knew something was desperately wrong with me but was unable to fix it.

"I-I'm fine, Britney. Just a bit tired. Sobel's been working us all to the bone lately. This is the first day I've gotten off from training in nearly a week," I said, my voice, thankfully, stressing my lie.

"Oh yes," Britney replied, giggling and quickly covering her mouth with her hand, "I heard about Sobel messing up a training exercise." I looked at her, surprised that she'd heard about it. To my unanswered question, she smiled.

"Ron told me," she said, something lighting in her eyes at the scowl that spread across my face. What that was, I could only guess. I would let her believe what she wanted, as long as it got her away from him.

"Oh," I said flatly, thinking of nothing to say. I turned back to the box, throwing supplies in now a little harder than necessary. When she scooted slightly away from me, I think she got the hint. But, she only moved to grab another empty box from the floor and started throwing supplies in there as well. A few minutes passed in the same fashion. Silence spread between us like a poison, choking me until I had to pause a moment to catch my breath. Again, as if she was more aware of me even than herself she noticed my movements instantly.

"Are you okay?" she asked me, her voice quiet in my ear. Her fingers played lightly over mine, finally settling astride my frozen hand. I jumped away from her, as if I'd been burned.

"Don't," I said. My throat was constricting against itself, starting to swallow me from the outside in. I felt powerless to stop it. I backed away from her like a caged animal, not seeing that my feet were taking me farther and farther away from safety. Nearer and nearer to seclusion, where it would be impossible to hide any longer from the secrets that were overwhelming me. Suddenly, my back hit a solid wall and I knew I was in trouble. Gaping at her like a fish out of water, I saw the light in her eyes. Their was a hunger there, a predatory gleam that struck fear in my heart. What had I done for her to believe that I'd had any interest in her? Had I just been playing the part of the jealous male too well? Judging by the look on her face, I couldn't help but think that. It would have been comical had I not been two seconds away from exploding with all the tension in the room.

She slinked toward me. Slowly, with measured steps and a swing to her hips that would have been attractive to any heterosexual male. To me, it was a mark of just how far the hole that I'd dug for myself went. And if she'd been so easily swayed by my lies, was Ron still under the false pretense that I was a man? At the dance, I could have sworn I'd seen something in his eyes. Something like recognition and a desire to completely consume me. I shook my head, my heart heavy with sorrow. I must have been wrong. She was level with me now, her slim hand reaching forward and landing on my cheek.

"James," she whispered shakily, her voice penetrating me with the force of a hundred sharpened knives. I winced, jumping slightly away from her.

"Britney...it's not what you think," I tried to explain, but it only made her press closer to me. The tips of her shoes touched my own, her thighs pressing very lightly to mine. Heat filled my cheeks and I bit down on my lip to keep myself from shouting at her to get the hell off me. Couldn't she tell the difference between someone who was being coy and someone who was simply uncomfortable?

"Oh, if the blush on your cheeks is anything to go by, then it is exactly what I think," she said aloud, staring deep into my eyes. Apparently, she couldn't. Then, looking at her, something new and unfamiliar hit me. It remained on the periphery of my conscious, lying there in wait until it could be unleashed. It was like a storm brewing behind her eyes.

"No, Britney, really. You've got it all wrong-." She interrupted me by leaning even closer. Her chest hovered before mine, separated by only a few inches. Her fingers played along my arms, moving in a slow wind up to my neck. Cupping the skin there, she wove her nails into my short ebony hair. Shaking like a leaf, I decided that it was now or never. Keeping my secret from her was not even an option because she wouldn't listen to me unless I told her.

"Britney, stop, I'm a woman," I spat out as she closed her eyes in anticipation of a kiss that would never come. Her eyelids sprang open, her bright green eyes flashing in the light of the room. I flinched away from her, seeing the anger and hurt there. I hadn't wanted to lead her on. She'd just assumed...The fact that I had done it to get her away from Ron didn't seem important, so I ignored the nagging voice in my head that claimed the contrary.

"You're-what?!" she demanded, a hand falling on her hip. Her stance told me that she hadn't expected this in the slightest. I wondered if anyone would have if they hadn't already suspected my secret from the beginning. I shuddered when I realized the number of people who knew was slowly growing. I didn't know how much longer it would be before the truth was finally revealed to everyone. What would happen then? I had nowhere to go, no family, nothing. This was my only home, my only family. I couldn't be without them, not now when my life so depended on it.

"I'm a woman. I'm sorry, I didn't know that I was leading you on," I said, trying to keep the guilt from showing on my face. When Britney's eyes flashed again with a cool, green flame, I knew I'd failed.

"You did lead me on. The way you were looking at me the first time I was on a date with Ron. And then you asked me to dance, it looked like you were going to kill Ron. So if you weren't leading _me on_, then what were you doing?" Britney asked, an expression of confusion working its way onto her face. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, hoping against hope that she'd be too dense to figure it out. My stomach was coiling in knots, every one of my muscles poised for fight or flight. I didn't know how much more of this awkward tension I would be able to stand before I blew up. But I was saved the embarrassment of coming out with myself when her eyes went huge and she pursed her lips. The look on her face was enough to terrify anyone, but I wasn't anyone. I'd already been to hell and back in this lifetime, so her anger was not enough to make my cower. Though I did flinch away from her, my cheeks heating up with guilt.

"You tramp! You were trying to keep me away from Ron, weren't you? Those fleeting glances and that dance," she began, her own face filling with color as she realized the full extent of what I'd done. I was so ashamed with myself, so disgusted by what I had done. I couldn't believe how selfish I had been. I hadn't even considered the fact that maybe Ron liked this woman, perhaps they were well on their way to falling in love. And here I'd tried to ruin it.

"I'm sorry, Britn-," I began, my eyes filling with tears. I lifted a hand to try and wipe them away when her palm collided with my cheek. Stumbling backwards into a table, I braced myself with my hand. I fingered my pulsing cheek. I could feel the angry welt already starting to form there. Surprised, I glanced up at Britney to see her advancing on me again. She leaned down so that her face was very close to mine. I knew now what that strange glow had been in her eyes. Here was a woman who was not used to being rejected or tampered with. I closed my eyelids for a moment, wondering how I found a way to wiggle myself into these ridiculous situations. When I opened them again, the fury on her face struck fear in my heart. If I hadn't been scared before, I was now. I could see the murder in her eyes as she took in my crouching position.

"You stay away from Ron. I _will_ have him, and there is nothing you can do about it," she said and then straightened up. Her face was a perfectly serene mask as she plastered a smile to her face, "Besides, what would a man like him want with a woman like you?"

She poked a finger in my arm, her look conniving as a sly grin worked its way onto her face, "And if you don't do what I want, I'll tell everyone what you really are. Judging by the look on your face, that's the last thing you want, isn't it?"I looked after her, my insecurities getting the better of me. I tried to tell myself that she was only trying to intimidate me, that she was really quaking at the thought of me stealing him away. But nothing could stop the droplets of my anguish from racing down my face and falling into my lap as I hugged my knees to my chest. I had a feeling that it was only the beginning of the misery I was sure to endure because of my unnatural fascination with Ronald Speirs.

**Ron's POV**

_I hadn't meant to stumble across the scene. But when I saw Private Fields sitting on the ground, hugging her knees to her chest with the tears running in torrents down her pale cheeks, I felt a painful pang in my chest. I wanted to run to her, to scoop her up in my arms and never let her go. _

_Then I shook my head, desperately trying to quell the feelings. It was all too fast for me. I didn't want to believe that she'd so quickly entrapped me in her clutches. Then, a sob ripped through her throat and filled the room. Echoing with a sickening roar in my ears. The pull to her was even stronger, my feet moving forward before I even knew what I was doing. A voice in my head screamed at me to get the hell out of there before I did something irreparable. Something that would ruin everything I had worked so hard for. All for this girl that I hardly knew. _

_But you do know her. Besides, if you don't act fast, she'll just be scooped up by the sergeant from Easy Company. _

_Red filled my vision and I had to choke down my jealousy before it was able to take control of me. I clapped a hand against my forehead, wishing there was some way to get the thoughts of her from my mind. Then, before I knew it, I was being carried forward again by some power greater than myself. As quietly as I could, I crept into the room and pushed the door shut. And before she could look toward the door to see me, I flipped the light switch. Darkness filled the room and I could hear my own heartbeat pressing against the shallow barrier of my skin, pleading to be released. I shuddered, realizing that this was the first time I would be alone with her. Truly alone with her while she was here in the flesh instead of in my dreams. Satisfying as they were, they had been nothing compared to the feel of her bare skin beneath mine. Closing my eyes, I tried to follow the sound of her sharp intakes of breath. I knew she had to be scared because she was no longer crying at all. _

"_H-hello? Who's there?" she called into the dark, her voice much closer than I'd thought it should have been. I stopped, mere inches away from tumbling over her. She seemed to sense my presence because her hand shot out. I could feel her groping the air for something. Feeling a smirk tugging at my lips, I reached forward and grabbed her hand. Electricity shot from the point of contact, up my arm, and down my body straight to my groin. I wanted to recoil from the sensation, but my body would have none of it. I stepped closer to her, urging her with a small tug that I wanted her to stand up. She did, her breath ragged already. Whether by some miracle or pure instinct, she knew who I was. My mind didn't focus very long on any one thing. I was trying to memorize as much of her as I could. My fingertips traced light patterns up her arms to her face. The softness of her skin was so alluring. It was like touching the finest silk. Her slender neck flexed in my hands. I could feel her tense, the worry evident in her stance. But as I rubbed soothing circles on her bare skin, a sigh worked its way up her throat and past her lips. It made me catch my breath and pull her closer. Feeling the aggressive passion working through my system, I found my way to the nape of her neck. She shivered in my arms, unconsciously moving closer for warmth and comfort. _

_I wished for the feel of her soft ebony curls to latch onto while I kissed her for all I was worth. But since it was gone, I could do nothing but cup her neck as I bent my lips to hers. I heard her gasp of surprise before I swallowed her shock with my lips. It was so much more than I'd ever expected. Her lips were so soft, so gentle. Almost as if she had never kissed a man before. A thrill rolled down my spine at the thought that I could be her first kiss. Electricity flowed through me with every move. Sparks were flying behind my eyelids and I moaned as her hands came up to hold me to her. She leaned away, her breath filling the air and spurring me on. Feeling a sudden burst of adrenaline, I backed her into the table that was right behind her. Pushing her up against it, I assaulted her neck. No inch of her skin was left unexplored and I felt so elated to be doing this. After all those long, lonely nights with only the void of empty darkness to listen to my gasps of desire, she was finally here with me. Leaving a trail of kisses up and down her bare neck, I could feel the anticipation building within my pants. Oh how I wished to take her here and now. But I knew I couldn't. _

"_Ron. Oh God," she gasped softly, holding tightly to my shoulders for support. I could feel her body shaking against me and I knew I had to stop before I ignored my better judgment. Everything about her was urging me to stay with her. But with an effort, I pulled away with a growl. Stepping backwards, I heard her slump against the table to support her weight. I wondered that I was not much better. My legs felt like gelatin and my hands were shaking so bad that I stuck them in my pockets. Heat filled my face as I stared into the darkness where I imagined she was standing. _

"_You c-can't stay?" she asked, her voice shaking with both trepidation and a hunger. I ran a hand quickly through my hair, wondering if I should answer her or not. _

"_No, I can't," I said, my voice a mere whisper in the void between our quivering bodies. I turned around, knowing that if I stayed one moment later, I would never leave. I stumbled toward the door, trying not to run into anything. When my fingers closed around the doorknob, I glanced back over my shoulder. My eyes began to sting from straining in the dark to see just one glimpse of her pale skin._

"_I'm sorry," I told her, hoping that those two words could somehow make up for the emptiness I was feeling. I wanted so badly to run back to her. My skin still burned from the feel of her fingertips and my lips were tingling from her gentle kiss. My blood bubbled with my desire, filling me with an unquenchable fire that I knew no one could ever extinguish. It was then that I realized that kissing her had been the irreparable thing I should have avoided. It felt like my world was crashing in on me, making me see the implications of what I had done. _

I jolted awake, my brow mopped with sweat and my back sticking to the sheets beneath my pulsing body. I couldn't believe that I'd dreamed the whole thing. It had seemed so believable, so real that I found it hard to fathom even when I was so steeped in reality. I could still feel her gentle lips tugging at my own, driving me onward as we both descended the dark staircase of forbidden passion.

The heaving of my chest and the pounding of my heart were not the only signs of just how much this dream had affected me. Things low in my body and deep in my stomach were knotted with the need for release. I was tempted to relieve myself, but I knew that it wouldn't help. Nothing could, but her lips on my bare skin. Flesh on flesh. Her hands working their way down my chest, my stomach, to that place I needed her most. I groaned, falling back into a laying position on the bed and running a hand through my unkempt hair.

Nothing would be the same after this and I didn't know if I considered that a good thing or a bad thing. The fact that I couldn't make up my mind about that was probably the most disconcerting part of it all. I was never confused, never torn in my decisions. But now-now I was beyond confused.

**Haha I'm sorry I shouldn't laugh but the fact that Becca has gotten so far under Ron's skin makes me laugh. I hope it makes you guys laugh too. He deserves it after being so terribly oblivious. Oh! And how did you like Britney turning into a raging monster? I thought that was good too...As always, I'm always looking for reviews they really do get me through the week and urge me to keep writing for you guys. Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter. **

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Easy Company. I only own any Ocs and any plot points you don't recognize. **


	9. Fear

_For shame on you_

_Who cares about me_

_I don't mind you_

_It'd mean so much if you'd just save me_

_Save me_

"_Fear" by Evans Blue_

**Becca's POV**

**April 1, 1944**

"Fields! Get your ass up front!" Sobel shouted, glaring at all of us with the dark eyes that so often reflected the madness in his soul. His face was set in a staunch frown, one that terrified me as I jogged past the rows of Easy Company guys. Men that I had come to know and respect in the short time that I'd been here. I caught the eyes of Bill and the others staring at me, a feeling creeping up in all of us. A feeling that I was about to be made an example of, something Sobel was doing more often lately.

I stood in front of him, facing the company, and saluted him. My face betrayed nothing because I felt almost nothing. I had retreated somewhere deep inside myself, a place where not even the wrath of Herbert M. Sobel could touch me. I just hoped that the memory of my dream last night- of Ron's lips on my own-would be enough to fill my ears and allow me to endure this.

_In the darkness, I could feel his dark eyes penetrating my own. Staring at me as if I was the only thing that still mattered on Earth. As if at any moment we would both disappear into the dust of time. I wanted to reach out to him, yank him fiercely to my body, and never let him go. How many days had I ached for this? _

"Fields, you have been absent from our night marches for the past three days now. Care to explain yourself?" Sobel asked, his voice nothing but a hollow noise in the bend of my consciousness.

"No excuse, sir," I said in reply. Even to me my voice was mechanical, as if I had somehow switched my brain to autopilot.

_Nothing from my dreams, no memories of those lonely nights filled with invisible caresses and shadows of his lips, could prepare me for this moment. With the table pressed hard and firm against my back, it was hard to focus on anything in particular. Except the callouses of his hands moving in rapid motion from my bare hands, up my arms, to the smooth column of my neck. Shivers of pleasure rolled down my spine. Anticipation threatened to overwhelm me. I tensed slightly, trying to bridge the gap between my hesitance to enjoy this too much and my willingness to throw all of it out the window. I wanted to enjoy this, needed to feel him pushed against me. I sighed softly, the sound echoing in my ears and filling my blood with a fiery eagerness that pulsed darkly to the things low in my body when his lips met the soft skin of my neck. My hands landed hard on his shoulders, gripping him for dear life as I came undone. _

"No excuse? Well, we'll see how you feel about that on the Friday night march tomorrow. We're doing twelve miles instead of our usual ten with full packs. Any complaining, any absences, and I promise you Easy Company you will _all _regret it! Do I make myself clear?" Rage filled me, wiping away all thoughts of the kiss. What good was my selfish dream when I'd just gotten us all into trouble? I anticipated the glares, cringed at the thought of those awaiting insults that were sure to be pointed my way once Sobel and the officers were gone. Yet, somehow, I knew they wouldn't come. We were all in this together. The time for blaming anyone in the company for Sobel being an ass were long gone. We had to endure this battle of wills. Endure and conquer. To stand alone together. That was the code we lived by, and nothing would change that. I hadn't realized just how attached and dedicated I had become to this company of men. Now I knew and I felt stronger for it.

"Yes, sir!" we shouted as one entity. The shout reverberated to the depths of my soul, making my eyes water because for once in my entire life I felt like I was a part of something. Something much bigger and more important than myself. I marveled at the feeling, but it didn't last long. I turned to jog after the others, seeing Bill's expectant look as he lagged behind to wait for me. Sobel, obviously was having none of it. He grabbed my wrist, twisting it painfully until I stopped my forward motion. My legs froze beneath me and my heart seemed to pick up its rhythmic tempo. My breathing hitched as I felt his hot, damp breath in my ear. For a moment we stood like that, poised on the brink of some calamitous ledge. I awaited his next move, knowing that whatever it was would be the beginning of a new war. In which he and I were pitted against each other.

"I have big plans for you, Fields, so don't think for one minute that you're going to get out of this." His dark eyes glittered like two shining beetles beneath his black eyebrows. His lips pursed, his breath stopped as he waited to hear my response.

A smirk unfolding on my lips, I leaned closer to him. Breathing, "I wouldn't dream of it, sir." I wrenched my arm away from him before he had time to haul me backwards. Moving as fast as I dared to get away from him, I noticed the look in Bill's eyes. He glanced behind me, his dark eyes glittering with malice. He growled when I took his hand and started to pull him towards everyone else.

"Bill, please, don't. It's not worth it," I muttered, pleading silently that he would forget about it. But I knew when he turned and fixed me with his murderous glare that he wouldn't. There was something that shifted in the air, something that made my heart clench painfully in my chest. When Bill started walking away, I let go of his arm. My thoughts were whirring and all the while I could feel the dark gaze of something-or someone-watching my turned back.

**Ron's POV**

I watched them from afar, partially hidden by the trees in the distance. I saw the concern in her eyes and I had to clench my hands at my sides to keep from running toward them in a jealous rage as her fingers closed around his hand. And when he looked at her with the murder in his eyes, I had to bite something dark and twisting so that it would stay behind my closed lips.

I'd thought naively that my dreams had been trying to tell me something. That she would stay away from the Sergeant, and come racing into my waiting arms. Oh how wrong I'd been. I could see that she cared deeply for him, but I didn't know just _how _she felt about him. As I felt a sickening growl work its way up my throat and past my lips, I shuddered with jealousy. The Sergeant was most definitely going to be an issue, one I would have to settle soon if I ever wanted to win her over. I felt possessive of her. It didn't matter that we hadn't ever really talked in person, we hadn't even touched each other with a shred of anything but caution riddled with doubt.

I turned my attention back to the couple, my heart ripping itself apart at the image that would be permanently seared into my brain. Even from so far away I could feel the electricity between them. It might have been the anger he was feeling, and it might have been something else. Something I couldn't begin to think about for the risk of being driven mad by jealousy. I turned around, every nerve in my body perfectly tuned to the hum of her behind me. How was it possible to be so aware of another human being?

The fact that I couldn't answer the simple question threatened to drive me up a wall. I was so used to being in control. Of my emotions, of the people around me. But her-her I couldn't control for the life of me. I felt a burning rage pulse through my blood. I had never been this affected by a woman in my life and if I hadn't known myself, I would say that it scared me. But that's not what this racing pulse and influx of whirring thoughts was. It couldn't be. Shaking my head to clear it, I turned back to my men. Their eyes went wide, their fear settling something inside me. At least I could still count on one thing.

**Becca's POV**

**April 3, 1944**

Standing next to the bedside of a soldier who'd broken his leg last week, I was able to push everything that had been plaguing my mind to the foreground. I didn't want to think about it, if I did I would drive myself crazy. The dream kiss, Sobel's renewed sense of torture, the kiss.....I groaned aloud, pushing my bangs out of my face. Why couldn't I get Ron the hell out of my mind?

"You okay, Fields?" Spina asked as he sauntered past, carrying a box of supplies. He had replaced Britney and I on supply sorting duty. I shook my head, trying to clear it as I processed Spina's question.

"Uh, yeah I'm alright," I said, my voice shaking. I could tell by the look he gave me that he knew I was lying, but thankfully he didn't press the issue. I turned back to the sleeping man before me. Checking over his chart for anything that might have changed, I nodded in approval. Moving onto the next patient, I prepared to do an examination. He'd come in two hours before, complaining about a headache and dizziness. Writing it off as dehydration would have been easy, but I knew that wouldn't fly.

But before I could open my mouth, Bill barged through the front doors of the hospital. He looked murderous with his hair ruffled and his dark eyes glazed over in his fury. Taking a deep breath, I walked forward to meet him halfway. I could feel everyone's eyes on us and I heaved a sigh. Whatever had gotten Bill all riled up couldn't be good for anyone.

"Bill, what's wrong?" I asked him, concern filling my eyes as he roughly grabbed my arm. The strain in his jaw and neck spoke volumes on just how pissed he was.

"Can we talk somewhere? Alone?" he muttered frantically, his lips hardly moving. I nodded and he let go of my arm, one finger at a time. My heartbeat was pounding in my chest and I tried to guess what it was that he had to talk to me about. There were only a handful of things that came to mind. Sobel being at the forefront of all the rest. Bill hated the man and after the way he'd seen Sobel treat me, it seemed to have tripled. Bill rushed through the crowds of soldiers, going so fast that I had to jog to keep up with him. I wanted so badly to ask him what was wrong, but I held my tongue. Forcing it out of him wouldn't work, so I kept my mouth shut. Finally, he dodged into a dark alley. We retreated several meters away from the entrance, making sure that no one would be able to see us.

Standing there, facing him in the dark, I couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable. I realized now how stupid this might have been. Then, I felt the urge to smack myself. This was Bill. Bill Guarnere, a man who had become my best friend in the span of a few short weeks. I smiled at the thought, remembering that it had been him all along who had been coming to me in the night to chase away the nightmares.

"What the hell are you smiling at, Fields?" Bill asked me, his voice filled with so much anger that I wanted to take a step back from him. But there was a wall behind me. Both physically and metaphorically. The wall that had been erected was of my own doing. I could never go back to being just Rebecca Harris, the woman who'd been afraid of letting anyone in since the only friend she'd ever had had been killed. Now, I didn't know how I could step away from Bill. How I could abandon him when he obviously needed me right now?

"Bill, please don't be like that," I said softly, my eyes pleading silently with him to tell me what was wrong so that I could help him. Looking down at my face, he must have seen something there because his eyes softened and he took a shuddering breath.

"I'm sorry, Becca," he muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets. I moved forward cautiously, laying a hand on his arm.

"Already forgiven. Now, why don't you tell me what you brought me here for." Something almost imperceptible flashed in his eyes. It was gone so quickly that I wondered if it had been a trick of the light. The memory of it lingered on his face, as he looked down at me with that tenderness that I hadn't known he had in him until now. Then, it faded. Replaced by that dark, twisting anger that had him growling low in his throat.

"Fucking Sobel. I'm so sick of him, Becca. He walks around this place, thinking he can stomp on everyone in Easy. He's even got Lieutenant Winters in his vice now!" Bill spat out, almost as if saying it really quickly would dispel the emotions working their way like poison through his blood. I felt the first twinges of anger reddening my mind, but I couldn't be angry. Not yet, not when I didn't have the full story.

"What did he do to Winters?" I demanded, the fury showing through despite my best efforts. Bill looked at me knowingly, reaching out a comforting hand to my own. I took it, tension rising in my heart.

"He's on kitchen duty while the higher ups figure out how they're gonna deal with his court-martial trial," Bill said, the anger drawn suddenly out of him and flowing into me.

"What?!" I said, my voice reaching dangerous levels. Bill, startled, jumped forward and covered my mouth with his hand. I wasn't prepared in the slightest for his attack and we both stumbled backwards into the wall. His body collided with mine, creating painful friction that made me yelp. I tried to tell him to stop, but he gave me a warning look and turned his eyes anxiously toward the entrance to the alley. I looked over too, seeing the dark outline of someone passing by, pausing a moment to look to where we were. Shrinking further into the darkness, I knew there was no way he would be able to see us. That is until he stepped into the alley with us. I could almost feel his gaze piercing over us, through us. I closed my eyes, my blood pounding like a war drum in my ears. Bill hugged me closer to his body and it was the first time that I really noticed how big he was compared to me. I shook myself mentally, forcing myself to think of what was going on around me. Tuning my ears to the sounds around me, I saw that I couldn't hear footsteps, but I could feel the other's presence like a vortex sucking everything but fear from my body. Then, just as suddenly, it disappeared. My eyes were thrown wide open, my pupils contracting as they let the dim light flood in. There was no one in the alley anymore besides us. I hugged closer to Bill for a moment, reveling in his warmth and comfort.

"Gees, I really thought they had us, Becca," he said, his voice husky with his anxiety. I nodded, my chin bumping lightly against his broad chest. He stepped away from me, clearing his throat. I fought the urge to blush and run away like an idiotic girl. But the memory of his strong arms wrapped around me and the heat from his body remained like a forbidden thought in my mind.

"Anyway," he muttered, raking a hand through his hair, "Winters was supposed to be inspecting the latrines at a certain hour. And apparently Sobel changed the time. Winters was sorting through mail under Strayer's orders at the same time and had no idea Sobel changed it. So, Sobel gave him the choice to give up his 48 hour passes for two months or he could request a trial by court-martial-," Bill explained, his eyes lighting up with amusement for the Lieutenant.

"So he requested the court-martial?" I asked, my mind growing blank as I let the awe consume me. This was what we had all been waiting for. The moment when it would become apparent to the higher ups that Sobel was nothing but a sadistic little man who took pleasure in bullying those that could not fight back.

"Yep," Bill said, a smirk twisting his lips. I felt my lips tugging up at the corners. The urge to laugh was almost overwhelming, but then something struck me. Something that had been dragged up from the depths of my brain.

"_The NCOs in Easy didn't want to follow Sobel into combat, so they all wrote letters saying that they no longer wanted to serve in the company. They knew they would all be killed if he remained Commander._

"_But of course, writing those letters meant that they ran the risk of being shot anyway. See, in those days, Becca, you didn't do things like that. Treason was one of the biggest forms of taboo."_

"Bill, please don't tell me that you're planning on doing what I think you are," I said, my voice coming out of my throat as a shrill gasp. My hands began to shake and I longed to reach out to him. To hold him to me just to be sure that he was real. Bill, startled, ran a hand clumsily through his hair. He refused to meet my gaze, which made me suspect the worst.

"Oh, Bill," I whispered, tears threatening to pour down my face. Not this again. I couldn't do this. I couldn't lose another friend, another person who had become my biggest ally in this. I didn't know if I would survive losing him. And anticipating it, knowing that sometime in the next few days he would die-it would make it that much worse. Without speaking again, I turned on the spot. The gravel beneath my boots made an ominous sound. As though it were the first ticks of the Doomsday Clock. I didn't get far before Bill ran after me and grabbed my arm.

"Becca-," he began. I silenced him with a quick slap across the face. My hand stung from impact and even in the darkness, I could see the angry red print forming on his cheek. But, I couldn't care enough to apologize. If he couldn't see that he meant more to me than anyone else in this world, then he'd deserved that slap. If he died in a few days, I would regret it. In this moment, I didn't. I turned again and this time, he didn't follow after me. My legs were pounding beneath me, the tears mixing with the sweat that began to run down my face. I ran and ran until I was sure that my legs would give out from under me. While I was running, the wind whipping across my face and only the sounds of my own heartbeat and my own gasps of breath were enough to keep my mind blissfully blank. But now, the emotions came roaring through me in a torrent of regret and anger. I fell to the ground, my eyes only now registering the darkening sky and the storm clouds that were rolling along the horizons. Sighing heavily, I stood up and traveled the long road back to barracks. I couldn't know what would be waiting there for me, but I had to apologize to Bill and tell him exactly why I had reacted the way I did.

***

By the time I returned, the town was asleep. By the location of the moon, I estimated it was about midnight. I slipped quietly into barracks and grabbed a change of clothes out of my bag and carried them with me to the showers. Cautiously, I made my way towards the one in the back. The shower that I always used because it was the farthest away from the door and I would be better prepared to hide if anyone ever walked in. Peeling off the layers of my uniform, I realized just how disgusting pretending to be a man was. I hadn't showered in three days because I hadn't been able to get away. Finding excuses to miss showers were becoming even harder to think of as well. Sighing, I wondered how long I would last before I finally broke down and told everyone the truth.

I did some quick figuring in my head as I stepped forward and turned the knobs of the shower. Cold water came falling down around me and I shivered while my body strove to adapt to the temperature. World War Two hadn't ended until mid-1945. So, I would have to keep this up for another year. When we got out in the field, where showers were non-existent, I would be alright. I tried to reassure myself that I would be fine. That I would be alright as long as I had Bill there to talk to.

Bill...The sound of his name was like driving a stake through my heart. If he died I would be completely alone. There was no one here to remind me of my life in the future. There was no one here to keep me grounded other than Bill. And after losing my best friend in the world, I didn't know if I would be able to stand it.

Footsteps in the doorway of the showers had me stopping my train of thought. Fear coursed through me and my blood boiled with something fiery and contagious. More terrified than I had ever been in my life, I rushed out of the water and went to where my clothes were sitting. Snatching the towel off of the counter, the pounding of the nearby presence echoed through me. It was like a drum vibrating a horrific tempo in my chest.

_Oh, God, please let me get out of here. _

Faster and faster I moved to dress as quickly as I could, but the other person was too fast for me. Facing the opposite direction from which they were coming, I did not see the man behind me. I could not see his dark, hungry eyes. Or the evil twist of his lips as he looked me up and down. Like a ravenous animal, it would have been apparent to anyone that he hadn't seen a naked woman in a very long while. In the half-light from the moon, his face was draped in shadow and as I turned around I felt a scream building up in my throat. But it never filled the night air. His hand was too quick, darting out like a cobra and placing itself over my mouth. He pressed his body tightly to mine, the warmth from his body scorching me and making me wiggle to get out of his grasp. That only made him chuckle, a sound that was dark and ominous. It made my blood curdle and my breaths come in strained sighs. I was not naïve enough to ignore what he would do to me. I was a virgin, but I was anything but ignorant to the workings of men's minds. I continued to struggle, wishing desperately that someone-anyone-would come and stop him. But, I realized that no one knew where I was. My shoulders slumped and my body became like putty in his hands.

"Good, now if I take my hand away, will you be quiet?" Sobel asked me, his voice thick with something close to huskiness. To me, it grated against my soul in the worst possible way. Goosebumps covered my half-naked body and I wondered briefly if this would hurt. I'd heard people, girls, talking about it in my high-school classes. But listening to someone else talk about it and having it happen to you were too very different things.

I nodded in compliance and he immediately let go of me. My eyes darted swiftly to the door, an action which made him chuckle again.

"Don't even think about it. You'll just be delaying the inevitable." I stared up at him in utter fear. Of what he would do to me. Of what I would not do to stop him. I watched him un-button his pants and jacket. I wondered at the fact that I had never seen a man naked before. I knew that this was definitely not what I'd imagined. To be taken by force in a men's shower room in the middle of World War Two.

"Please," I whispered, the first tears falling down my face and mixing in with the water on the damp floor, "Please, don't do this to me." The look that filled his eyes was nothing short of evil. The grin that twisted his lips struck more fear into my heart. Whatever I'd imagined of rape-I knew he would blow those theories out of the water. I knew that it would be more horrific, more heart-breaking than I'd ever believed possible.

"I will do with you whatever I Goddamn well please. And if you want me to keep my mouth shut about you being a woman, then you will stop talking to me and let me _fuck you_," he said, his words slicing into me. I closed my eyes, unable to deny him what he wanted. I could feel his long fingers curling under my white t-shirt and tugging it off of me. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying out. It would only make it harder for me to endure this slow torture. I wasn't strong enough and he had a point. I had to keep him quiet somehow. But I wished it didn't have to be this. This was the most innocent, untainted part of me that I had left to hold onto. And here I was whoring it out to Herbert Sobel of all people.

Hope sprung within me, though, when the sound of someone cocking a pistol echoed through the small room behind us.

**Okay, so definitely one of my favorite chapters. It has so much going on and I really hope no one was TOO overwhelmed by it all. Please don't hate me for what I had to do to poor Becca. It was coming...we all know Sobel is a wicked man and well I couldn't think of a better situation than this one to perverse his character. **

**Please leave a review if you have the time. A special thanks to captain ty who reviewed last chapter and also for her input on this one when I was writing it. :) And cyber cookies for AivieEnchanted, S a i r a h i n i e l, EllieMay, and beccasmind for reviewing the last chapter. It really meant a lot to me and I hope I didn't forget to reply to anyone's review. **

**Oh!! I also thought I would let you guys know that yesterday was the one year anniversary of the day I published my first Band of Brothers fic, Love Melts His Heart. I still can't believe that story had as much success as it did. And to everyone whose stuck with me since the beginning-thank you so much! 3**


	10. It's in His Kiss

_Is it in his eyes?_

_Oh no you need to see_

_Is it in his size?_

_Oh no you make believe_

_If you wanna know_

_If he loves you so_

_It's in his kiss_

"_It's in His Kiss" by Aretha Franklin_

**Ron's POV**

**April 3, 1944**

Walking along the street, I marveled at the silence that surrounded me. Usually, Aldbourne was teeming with people. Now, it was almost like I was the only person left in the entire world. It was disconcerting, filling my heart with unease and horror. If I was the last person, that would mean that _she _was gone. And I didn't know if I would be able to survive that. There was a twisting feeling in the gut of my stomach. It was festering slowly but surely. It bothered me that I couldn't put a name to it. Unidentified emotions were never a good thing, especially not for me. I liked being in control, loved it even. It was the only way that I knew how to live.

But she was a different matter all together. She made me feel things I hadn't felt in a long time. And it terrified me that every moment I spent near her, I wanted to lose my sense of control. I'd never wanted that with anyone before. Of course, I'd never dreamed of someone and have them show up out of thin air in front of me either. I knew, though, that she was different somehow. And that thing, the sickening feeling in my stomach, I did not want to acknowledge what it was because it was more frightening than not knowing. Yes it was better to ignore it for the sake of both of us. It was easier this way anyway because I knew she'd been avoiding me for whatever the reason. I wondered briefly if perhaps we'd dreamed the same things. That we'd kissed in a moment wrapped in passion. I could admit though that staying away from her was having an affect on me. I'd snuck into the hospital when I knew she would be working. Just to get a glance of her only to find that she wasn't there. Britney, however, was more than eager to keep me company. Simply because she believed that I was there to see her. I had to refrain from rolling my eyes at the thought. What the hell would I want with a woman like her when I had-there it was again. I kept forgetting to ask her for her name. The nagging feelings prodded my mind again, driving me mad with curiosity.

How could I possibly stay away from her when she presented such a mystery? Somehow, I knew that finding answers to the questions flooding my brain would just create more questions. It was dangerous, this game we were playing. A smirk curled my lips nonetheless. It couldn't be that dangerous when it felt so right. It was stupid and foolish of me to become so emotionally affixed with this woman. I couldn't help it, though. She was addicting. Everything about her. From her laugh to her voice to her eyes that looked like they'd been carved from the bluest ocean. My mind was swirling with thoughts and I had to run my hand through my hair to distract myself.

I exhaled, my breath forming a cloud of mist in front of me. It was quickly forgotten when I heard two voices nearby. I stopped, glancing around quickly to get my bearings. I spotted the familiar outline of the building where we all showered. My legs were moving beneath me even before I knew what I was doing. I froze just outside the entrance, my ears perking up at the sound of a terrified voice pleading with someone else.

My hands clenched in on themselves, my heart accelerating as adrenaline flooded my veins.

"Please don't do this to me," she whispered, her voice working like a knife through my heart. It was so sad, so defeated. And I wanted nothing more than to rush in there and shoot the bastard that had her cornered. Giving in to my instincts, I slipped through the crack between the door and the wall. Moving quickly and quietly toward the sounds of their conversation, I found myself faced with something that very nearly had me surprised.

"I will do with you whatever I Goddamn well please. And if you want me to keep my mouth shut about you being a woman, then you will stop talking and let me _fuck you_," the soldier said. I recognized him at once. The bastard of a Commander of Easy Company. Captain Sobel. Anger coursed through me like a second heartbeat and I had to grit my teeth as hard as I could to keep myself for telling him to get away from her. _Not yet_ I thought to myself. My fingers searched in the darkness that consumed my body in shadows. I found what I was looking for, the cold metal of my pistol stinging my skin. I gripped it hard and firm, pointing it at the back of Sobel's head. My thumb did not hesitate in cocking it. I enjoyed the way Sobel jumped and made to turn around to look at me. When he faced me, I could see the surprise and fear in his dark eyes. I allowed the smirk to overcome my features, the anger overriding my concern for the woman cowering away from him. I didn't spare her a glance, knowing that one look at her would drive me over the edge. Right now, I needed to focus on getting Sobel out of here and away from her.

"You must be really brave or really stupid to be pointing that gun at a superior officer, Speirs," Sobel said, his sneer making the anger rage inside of me even more.

"Yeah, well I've never been a big proponent of the idea that officers can do whatever they want when they want. So, what exactly were you doing to her?" Now it was his time to smirk. It was nothing short of evil, the look that he gave me. His eyes were shining with hunger, a hunger that hadn't been fully satisfied because of my interruption.

"I think its pretty obvious, Speirs, what I planned to do to her. She didn't fight me on it either. I guess you can take the whore out of the corner but you can't take the corner out of the whore," Sobel said, his voice thick with something that tore me apart. I'd known what he was going to do-what he would have done if I hadn't happened upon them. But, he was enjoying this too much. There was something so evil, so inhuman in his eyes that had even me terrified. And when he reached behind him and brushed her hair away from her face, something inside me snapped. She was staring at him with nothing but fear edging her features. Tears were streaming silently down her face, making my blood curdle and boil at once.

"Get your fucking hands off of her!" I shouted, my voice ringing harshly through the tiled room. Sobel turned around and gave me a wicked smile. Apparently he'd forgotten the gun that I still had pointed at him.

"And what are you going to do to make me, Speirs? Hm?" His tone was condescending, defiant, and it pissed me off even more.

"Well, if I wanted to, I could shoot your nuts off. And then, I'd go to Sink and tell him exactly what you've been doing after hours, Sobel. They'd throw you in the brig for that. Sink wouldn't stand for this kind of behavior from his soldiers, especially if I threatened to call every Goddamned paper in the United States to post the story," I told him. Behind him, I could see her eyes alight with something I couldn't identify. The ghost of a smile appeared on her face and I knew then that everything I'd said was true. I would go to whatever lengths I could to ensure that Sobel never touched her again. I would do anything to see that smile on her face for the rest of her life, even if it meant killing the worthless excuse for a man before me.

I turned my attention back on Sobel, who was now not looking so sure of himself. His dark eyes were darting every which way, his lips trembling while he thought of something to counter my threat. I knew before he did that it wouldn't work.

"Fine, I'll leave her alone, Speirs. But just know that you won't always be here to protect her," Sobel said. With that, he buttoned his pants again and stalked out of the building. I watched him go, wishing that I could just shoot him in the knee caps to make sure that he didn't say anything. To show him just what a cold-hearted bastard I could be. The sound of her sobs behind me, however, kept me from starting after him. My heart clenched painfully at the sounds falling from her lips. I shoved my pistol in my belt and went to her. Kneeling on the damp floor, I took her in my arms and cradled her to my chest. My chest that was on the verge of exploding with euphoria. This was what I'd wanted since the night she'd appeared in my dreams. And it was even better than I could have imagined.

Her small hands fisted themselves in my jacket in an effort to hold me to her. How could she know that I wasn't about to leave her unless she told me to go? How could I tell her just how much I was frozen to this floor?I was stuck here, by some invisible force that I was helpless to fight against. I noticed suddenly that she was shaking. My arms came around her. Her small, fragile body seemed to conform to the shape of mine. Making me feel her in ways I'd only dreamed about for so long. I closed my eyes, desperately trying to control my male urges. But as I realized for the first time that all that was barring her naked body from me was her bra and underwear, a growl passed through my chest. She shuddered against me, her hands coming up to rest against my neck.

"Maybe you should get dressed," I whispered, my voice so strained that I had a hard time believing that it was really me saying it. My arms stayed where they were, preventing her from going anywhere.

"You have to let me go first, Ron," she replied. She sounded strained as well. Good, I wasn't the only one being affected by this. She pulled back and a sudden consuming abjectness filled me to my very core. How could I be thinking about her in such a way when she'd, not ten minutes ago, been on the verge of being raped by a monster? A monster that seemed to have taken residence in my thoughts. As suddenly as I realized I hadn't wanted to let her leave, my arms fell from her. She hurried off of my lap, her pale skin looking like something carved from moonlight as she moved away from me into the shadows. My heart was thumping loud in my chest, my manhood pulsing with an aching need that I frantically tried to subdue. I couldn't let her see me like this, I could not let the monster control me. It would ruin everything, it would ruin the feeling that was building even know in my stomach and in my chest. That wall that I had built around myself, around my heart, was trembling. On the verge of a collapse, I knew that I had to stop it before it was too late.

All the while, I noticed her in my periphery. I was just as aware of her now as I was when she was on my lap. I could smell her, a mixture of Army soap and fall. I could hear the scratch of the fabric against her skin as she dressed herself. Oh how I wanted to be those clothes, sliding against her curves. Hugging her body to me like I would never let her go. I shook my head, running a hand hurriedly through my hair. I had to get a grip, had to do something to pull myself out of my painful awareness of her.

"Done," she suddenly called from a few feet away. I could see the innocent smile on her face as she walked back over to me. There was nothing to suggest that she was trying to set me on fire, nothing to suggest that she knew of the power she held over me. But, she was doing it all the same. My desire burned ever higher, fueled by the sight of her bright blue eyes and warm smile. She held out her hand to me. Though I knew it would lead to disaster, I also knew that I would walk through fire to be with her. To hold that hand and follow her wherever she went. So, I grabbed her hand and let her pull me to my feet. We were standing so close, close enough that if I breathed the right way our chests would brush. Instead of giving in to my urges, I stepped away from her slowly. She was watching me, visibly confused by my actions. The frown that marred her face made my heart clench. Fighting to rid her of that sadness, I grabbed her hand and pulled her along with me. I could feel the smile that overtook her features. I could feel the happiness radiating from her as she moved ever nearer to my own body.

"Ron?" Her voice came as a whisper, one that stroked my soul and made me look her as if she was the only person left in the world that mattered to me. And I knew then that she was. I had never been someone to easily accept people into my life, but I realized that she had wiggled her way in without even trying. I didn't know how it was possible. That somehow she had found her way to me through the miles between our dreams, but she had.

I smiled suddenly, once again reminded that I still did not know her name, "Yes?" She blushed slightly as my eyes met hers. Inside, I was jumping in exaltation. But I only let a portion of it on my face, still unsure that she was as infatuated with me as I knew I was with her.

"I was just wondering-how did you...." her voice trailed away, something close to horror replacing the warmth. I stopped, squeezing her hand gently. She faced me, meek and terrified. Of what I could not guess. I grabbed her chin, turning her face upwards towards mine. Again, the desire to kiss her nearly took over. I fought it, knowing that to do something like that would be wrong.

"I was walking past and something pulled me to you. I couldn't let him hurt you," I told her, my voice more tender than I had ever remembered it being. Only she could bring out these tendencies in me. But I found that instead of weakening me, it somehow made me feel stronger. She smiled at me. It was simple, one that I thought would have looked mechanical and forced to anyone else. I could feel the truth in that smile and I pulled her along the path toward Easy's barracks.

"You know," I began, a smirk playing on my lips, "I don't even know your real name." I didn't look at her, because I could feel the heat spreading through her body.

"It's Rebecca. Rebecca Harris," she said, just as the barracks loomed up before us. I closed my eyes. One more mystery uncovered. However, the sorrow in her voice doubled the questions I had. Just as I knew they would. I could feel the tension, could feel the despair she was trying to fight. What was she fighting? What clue had I yet to uncover?

We were drawing closer to the building now and a panic seized me. I didn't want to let her go, not when she was suddenly so sad about whatever she had hidden about her past. An idea seized me as she slowed beside me before the entrance. I swung her around, my hand immediately finding her pale face in the darkness. It was shining in the face of the moonlight. It struck me just how small and fragile she felt beside me. I cupped her cheeks, brushing away the invisible tears that leaked from her beautiful eyes.

"Rebecca?" I asked, loving the way her name rolled off my tongue. It was natural, so right. Desire flared within me at the adoring gaze she fixed on me. This time, I let it devour me mind, body, and soul. I felt it grow like a wild and raging beast within my breast.

"Yes?" she muttered, her eyes closing in anticipation as her cold breath blew across my neck. I shuddered with want, with pure and unadulterated _need_.

"Do I have your permission to kiss you?" I wondered aloud, my lips only now a hair's breadth away from her own. I paused, waiting with painfully forced hesitance for her reply. The moments flew by, the stars reeled overhead. Still, I waited. I would not give in to the monster until I knew what her answer would be.

I got it when her hands came up to tangle themselves in my hair. She pulled me close, her sigh of ecstasy mixing with my own as our lips met. It was soft and violent at the same time. Something frantic and wild roared within us both as wave after wave of passionate desire flowed around us, _through _us. Slowly, I backed her into the wall. The heat from her skin making the flame within my soul light anew. I had...to...pull away. My hands tightened upon their place on her rounded hips. I tried to push, but all I managed was to wrench her closer. Her moan ripped through me and her lips left mine for only an instant. I sucked in a breath, now moving to her exposed neck.

"Oh God," she whispered shakily as my lips grazed her sensitive, overheated skin. Her hands were like a vice grip upon me, violently holding me to her. Then, just as suddenly as it had started, I jumped away from her. My chest heaved and I felt the lack of warmth so completely that I thought I had left every bit of my body heat with her. I shivered, my entire body quaking with the want for her in my arms again.

"Rebecca, please go inside. I can't...if I get a hold of you again, I don't know if I'll be able to let go," I pleaded with her, helpless against the pull even now trying to force me back to her. The surprise in her eyes shown like a light. I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. But I stayed where I was, held there by the power of her gaze. Her own chest was heaving, her hair mussed by my hands. Hair that I hadn't even remembered touching.

"O-okay," she stuttered. She began to back away slowly. I guess I wasn't the only one who was disappointed about having to stop. I watched her, waited expectantly until she'd been barred from me by the solid, thick door. Something about that barrier sobered me and I began to sink to my knees, the ground crunching under my feet. I felt awake, the endorphins rushing out of my system as fast as they'd come. I felt so lost, so incomplete without her being in my arms. And kissing her tonight...I knew it was only the beginning of that awful, gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach.

Having her lips crashing against my own, holding her gave light to what I'd been missing for twenty-four very long years. I hadn't even known that I was missing it, but tonight had enlightened me. And now, I wasn't sure if I would be able to stay away from her for very long for the need to fill that empty void that now replaced her soft lips and tender fingers.

**Becca's POV**

I leaned with my back pressed tightly against the cold metal door, wishing with all that I had that it was Ron's body. My thoughts, my lungs were still heaving from the kiss that had completely knocked me off my feet. I touched my lips in awe. They were tingling slightly and my skin still felt like it was on fire. I'd never known a man, real or otherwise, who had inspired such passion in me before. Of course, I didn't have much of any experience with guys anyway. They had been clumsy, careless, and obviously inexperienced at the art of kissing. But Ron...

I choked back a sigh, my heart still pounding a mile a minute as I tried desperately to recover my breath. As my mind shifted gears suddenly, it wasn't that hard to do though. I calmed down, my blood freezing inside my veins. Sobel's evil leer had seared itself into my mind and I couldn't help but remember it. I didn't want to imagine what would have happened to me had Ron not come and rescued me. For that, I would be forever grateful to him.

The horror, still so fresh within me, had me moving forward through the darkness. I didn't know exactly where the bed was, but I could guess. I felt my way through the darkness, pausing every few seconds to make sure that no one had woken up. I knew how much of a risk I was taking, but I couldn't stand the thought of staying mad for too long at Bill. I'd been brewing over the way I'd treated him all day. In the moonlight shining in through the window in the corner of the barracks, I saw his face gently conformed to sleep. I smiled and my heart seemed to melt. I continued my way to him and sat down on the edge of his bed. I didn't expect him to wake from the gentle jostle of my body against his leg, but his dark eyes snapped open immediately. His hand came up to snake around my wrist. He held me tightly, as the sleep faded from his face to be replaced by a profound consciousness. I could see that he sensed it at once, that something had happened to me. I had never come to his bed before tonight, and I didn't think that he would let me make a habit of it. This was dangerous and I knew that as well as anyone. But, the thought of sleeping alone. So vulnerable to the attack of the monster who was even now at an advantage to sneak in here and take of me what he would. It was terrifying and I couldn't help the way my eyes flooded with tears at just the mere thought of Sobel and what he had almost accomplished with me.

"Bill, can I sleep with you tonight?" I asked, feeling so small and helpless as I begged him silently for forgiveness. I could see the confusion pass over his face. I could even anticipate what he would say when he smirked, obviously remembering the feel of my palm slapping him across the face.

"What, Smalls, you ain't gonna slap me again?" He smiled then, tugging my hand even before I'd replied. I knew then that I was forgiven. Slipping under the covers, I snuggled into him. My face was pressed against his sculpted chest. My mind flitted back to those forbidden thoughts that had threatened to overcome me when we'd been in a similar position earlier that day. Only now my back was not pressed against a wall and I'd just been kissed senseless by a man who was what I could never imagine Bill to be.

Bill draped his arm along my waist, his fingers playing lightly on the small of my back. There was something comforting and soothing in his touch. And as my eyes closed, I could feel his breath on my cheek and on my neck.

"Me and all the other NCOs is scheduled for a meeting with Sink tomorrow," he began to explain, his own exhaustion showing in his fading voice.

"Bill, I don't want to think about that tonight. Please, I don't want to hear that you could die tomorrow. You mean more to me in this world than anyone else," I muttered sadly, pressing my face harder into his chest. His arms tightened around me and I found that I fit perfectly in the space created by his neck. With his head lying atop mine, I could feel his chin bumping lightly against my skull as he nodded.

"Okay, Smalls, whatever you say." His lips played lightly against my ebony hair, his warm breath blowing like a gentle wave against my skin. Carrying me on and on on the waves of my dreams.

**Me: And so it begins.**

**Reader: So _what _begins?**

**Me: You'll see in the next chapter. *evil laugh***

**Yeah with the A/N I guess I left you off with another really horrible cliff-hanger. But I'm not kidding when I say that you'll see what I'm talking about in the next chapter. God I can only imagine the reviews....anyways, you guys can all thank S a i r a h i n i e l, who reminded me tonight to update this for you guys. :) Thanks to all the readers who have been keeping up with this story. It means so much more to me than words can really convey, but I guess I'll have to leave you with a very ecstatic, enthusiastic THANK YOU! And thanks to: captain ty, **

**S a i r a h i n i e l, Finelame86, EllieMay, Dancing in Red, Roossmit, VendingMachine, and beccasmind for reviewing the last chapter. **

**The usual disclaimer applies and if you have any questions/comments/concerns, please feel free to PM me, twitter me, email me, and I would say you could get on FB but my name is not really ber1719. :(**


	11. Misery Business

_I watched his wildest dreams come true_

_And not one of them involving you_

_Just watch my wildest dreams come true_

_Not one of them involving _

_Whoa, I never meant to brag_

_But I got him where I want him now_

"_Misery Business" by Paramore_

**Becca's POV**

**April 4, 1944**

_His lips brush lightly against my skin, his touch lingering more frequently on those parts that drive something through the things low in my body. Liquid heat spreads through me and I gasp in surprised delight. My fingers tangle themselves in his hair, holding him to me as I desperately try to calm my racing pulse. But he flips me onto my back, his body pressed against me in ways that it never has before. _

_I moan beneath him, my legs wrapping around his waist of their own accord. I've never felt this before. Everything has blurred except for my intense need for him to take me as his own. That's when I realize for the first time that he hasn't yet touched my lips. A smirk curls the corners of my lips skyward. My fingers run through his soft, black hair. I feel him shudder, his body vibrating against mine like a finely tuned string. A string that seems to have a direct attachment to my core. Tugging gently on the back of his neck, I pull his face toward me. The inches diminish and finally our lips are almost touching. I continue to watch him as his eyelids close over his dark eyes. I take a shallow breath and suddenly..._

I awoke, my lips still covered with his hot breath. Then, I noticed that pressed against the length of my flushed body is another entity, his own heat fueling mine. Legs are tangled with my own beneath the sheets that seem to capture all the warmth from our bodies. His arms are wrapped around me in a vice-like grip. I sighed, snuggling closer to his chest. Just then, his lips traced the outline of my ear. Shudders of pleasure erupted along my skin. A shaky sound bubbled forth from my lips that does nothing to dispel the overwhelming heat and desire.

By then, all that I knew is my burning need for his lips on mine. For him to rip me apart only to pull me back together as we descend that winding stair from the top of our ecstatic high. I pulled him closer, something he obliges to readily. His lips skimmed along my bare neck, leaving goosebumps in their wake. I quaked with my anticipation running like poison through me.

_Please, _I muttered frantically within my mind. Trying all at once to both postpone the end and to quicken its arrival.

I felt like I might die as he whispered against that last inch between my lips and his, "Rebecca." His voice was low and deep, the sound rumbling through his chest and driving another shot of liquid heat through my veins. There was something profoundly familiar about that voice, something that I could not place. But when his soft lips met mine, I find that the mystery was something I could devote my time to later. The heat covering my skin erupts like a volcano, stars appearing behind my eyes in a myriad of colors. I couldn't help but notice how well we fit together, not just our lips either. Everything. Our movements were in perfect harmony. Matching each other in passionate fire and gentle coaxing at every corner.

When I pulled away, I didn't expect the dizziness or the realization that hit me. My eyelids pealed away from my eyes, my pupils adjusting readily to the dim lighting in the barracks. What I saw sent me reeling backwards. I scrambled out of his arms, landing with a loud thud on the hard wood of the floor. A sharp pain raced up my spin, making my head pound painfully in retaliation. I stand up as quickly as I can, not caring who I have woken up. Not caring who sees me. Only the need to get away from him spurs me on. Still, when I heard his sweet, husky voice calling my name...I wanted more than anything to turn around. Which was crazy. I didn't have feelings for Bill, _could not _have feelings for him.

As I skidded to a halt beside my own bed, I jumped into it and covered myself with the covers. I tried my best to concentrate on looking like I was asleep. It was difficult when my thoughts began to kick into overdrive. How could I explain away the feelings coursing through me right now? At first I'd thought it was Ron who I was in bed with. I didn't know how I had made that kind of mistake. But that was the only explanation I could think of. I took a deep breath, calming myself with the thought that Bill had been asleep while all that had happened. I just had to collect my thoughts, close my eyes, and-

"Time to get up, Ladies! We have a PT test today! Let's move, move, move," Sobel's voice echoed around the room, invading my ears and making a part of my soul bleed. After what he'd done last night, I wanted to be on the other side of the planet from him. But I knew that being surrounded by 150 strong men wouldn't make him too eager to single me out. Not to mention, I was a sexual comment away from shouting out to the entire camp that he'd tried to rape a woman last night. The fact that I was that woman and that I would be condemned to the States without so much as a backwards glance be damned. At this point, I didn't care if I had both Bill Guarnere and Ronald Speirs on my side. Something about the man made me believe that he would stop at nothing to get exactly what we wanted. By the hungry look in his eyes, I knew that what he wanted was me.

"Smalls, get the hell up or you're gonna have him on your ass again," Bill voice came in my ear from behind me. His heat consumed me and I jumped forward in an attempt to put distance between us. My face felt like it was about to melt away. My cheeks filled with blood and I found that I couldn't meet his dark eyes.

"Sorry, Bill, I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Yeah, it was lucky that you got out of my bed before Sobel came barging in here to wake us up, huh?" he chuckled at the inside joke, but stopped immediately as I blushed anew and turned around to slap on my boots and my jacket. I could feel his confusion washing over me wave on wave but I refused to be the one to bring up the forbidden thoughts now swirling through my mind. I couldn't believe the cruelty of the war. All my life, men had ignored me. Avoided me even like the plague. And now I had two men that I obviously felt an attraction to. I'd known Ron longer, but there was no denying the heat that was still pooling between my legs at the thought of Bill's lips on mine. Closing my eyes and shaking myself mentally, I knew that I needed to focus if I ever had a chance of passing this PT test.

***

Five hours later and the whole of Easy was limping into the Mess Hall to eat lunch before our afternoon off. My muscles were all screaming in protest, but I wasn't even close to being the worst off. Gordon and Skinny had both pulled muscles in their thighs. They'd been rushed off to the aid station while the rest of us finished the five miles remaining in our run back into Aldbourne. Sobel, of course, had rode around in his stupid jeep with the smuggest grin on his face. I'd been glad for the distraction of Bill running next to me as well as the pain radiating through my body to keep me from noticing if Sobel had been looking at me.

It would have been difficult to ignore Bill anyway. After the way we'd been kissing and then the subtle brushes of his skin against mine were doing nothing to settle my muddled thoughts. I wanted to scream in frustration, I wanted to pull out my hair. Most of all, and it was the scariest realization of all, I wanted to kiss him senseless despite the fact that so many men would be able to see it. Every fiber of my being was aware of Bill beside me.

We'd just sat down with our plates filled with mystery meat on toast. The tension between us was really starting to affect Bill. I could tell by the frequent glances he was sending in my direction.

"So, Smalls, you okay? I thought that last mile was gonna kill you," Luz asked me as he shoveled the meal into his mouth. I wondered what my mother would say if she ever saw me associating with these men. Then, I remembered that I didn't give two cents about what she thought. I smirked, resting my chin in my palm as I leaned forward.

"Honestly, Luz? I'm so tired I think when I fall asleep tonight I might not wake up. And I feel like such a pansy for saying that, but I don't care. I'm so tired of Sobel and his stupid as hell 15 mile runs all over the English countryside and I'm sick of his stupid ass jeep that he rides around in like he's some sort of God whose only job is to punish those men that he commands," I said, only taking a breath to chug down the glass of water sitting on my tray. Luz, Bill, and Toye all stared at me with their jaws popped open. I realized that was the longest speech I'd ever made in front of any of them. I ducked my head, waiting until the redness in my cheeks disappeared. When I glanced up again, the only one who was still looking at me was Bill. I couldn't look away from him. And I could tell he was about to say something when a runner halted beside us and handed Bill a letter without a word. Watching with dreaded curiosity, my heart rate climbed upwards. I knew what that was, could feel the truth in the very pit of my stomach.

"Fuck me," Bill muttered quietly as his eyes skimmed over the words on the page. They blurred together slightly as tears filled my eyes. Not caring suddenly who saw, I grabbed his hand. He looked up at me, surprise evident on his face. It was the first time I had consciously touched him since that morning.

"Bill, don't go. I don't....I can't," I choked out, the tears dripping from my eyes. My stomach was twisted into a tight knot and I knew that the food on my plate would remain untouched. I squeezed his hand even tighter, wishing that somehow he really could stay with me to avoid the awful end that awaited him. But I knew he would go when he wrenched his hand away. There was no disgust on his face as he looked at me, only sorrowful resignation.

"I have to, Becca. Please don't cry, I can't stand it," he whispered back to me. And through the sadness filling every corner of my being, I realized just how much those words meant to me. I should have figured out then what would become of me in the ensuing months ahead. I should have known that I would be pulled down into the dark, secret world where lust and love blurred together. But I didn't have the foresight to see that. After all, I was too focused on Bill's hastily retreating figure to think about the future. All that mattered was that he was about to meet his punishment and I could only pray that wouldn't be death.

**Ron's POV**

My fingers curled into themselves as I watched the tender exchange. I could sense that something had happened between the two of them. I couldn't help but think of the worst possible scenario. And as images of the two of them tangled among the sheets of a bed came to mind, I wanted nothing more than to punch a wall. Perhaps that would rid me of the raging, jealous beast that was warring with my sanity. How could I have been so stupid to believe that she didn't have other men lurking in the shadows. I especially shouldn't have second-guessed the young sergeant from Philadelphia.

Liquid fire shot up my spine, pain shooting through my hand. I looked down, shocked to see blood dropping like blackish red rubies onto my pants. The fork fell from my hand and I stood up abruptly, unaware of the stares that were being pointed at me.

"Fucking Christ," I muttered under my breath, walking away from the table with my bloodied fingers swinging by my sides. The rubies fell from my fingertips, leaving a trail for anyone to follow after me. Feeling no haste and feeling no rush to go to the aid station, I slowed my pace. Taking a deep breath, I tried to think of anything but what had just happened. But I couldn't. Remembering her face stained with tears as the sergeant walked away was almost too much to bear. That twisting, prodding feeling in the pit of my stomach had returned. As it always did when I thought of her.

I'd thought that things between us would be different after finally kissing her, feeling her, touching her in places I'd only dreamed of. I could see now that I had been wrong. I needed her in a way I would never have thought possible. I wanted her because of all that she had to offer. I knew now what it was like to feel a lust for someone else so profoundly that my body actually throbbed at the thought of touching her once again.

But I wondered if it really was lust that was coursing through my blood stream. Every time I dreamed, thought of her my blood did boil in a way that almost made me uncomfortable and the urge to feel my release became nearly unbearable. There was something else there too, swimming just under the surface of my consciousness. It was tender, soft, and caressing. When I'd held her shaking body to mine last night, it hadn't been anything but wanting to comfort her. To let her know that she had someone close who cared for her and who would take care of her. I didn't want to acknowledge those feelings. I wanted, needed, to suppress them before they overcame me. I ran my good hand through my hair and took a rattling breath. A moment later, the aid station came into view. An idea suddenly struck me, something so simple that I was surprised that I hadn't thought of it before. I rushed forward, determined to find something that would put distance between Rebecca and me. I had to, for both of our sakes because if not I would fall into her trap. I knew I wasn't thinking rationally. The need to rid myself of the thoughts of her was too strong to ignore. But, if I'd known then the descent into madness this decision would cost me, I would never have followed through with it. I would never have hurt her so badly as I did on that day.

Not considering the consequence of my actions, I strode through the aid station doors. I made quick work of spotting Britney in the corner where she was currently checking over the charts of one of her patients. I took a shuddering breath, knowing deep in my soul that this would never solve my problems, but blatantly ignoring the warning bells to not follow through with my plan. Moving as quickly and quietly toward her as I could, a smirk played on my lips. She could be a wonderful catch if I hadn't already, unknowingly, given my heart to someone else. She had a nice figure, a bit thin for my taste. Her blonde hair was thick and wavy, framing her face in just the right way. I knew she had some brains and at least our conversation wouldn't be completely dull. Suddenly, something ice-cold flowed down my spine. I felt like something or someone was watching me. Their stare was burning into the back of my head, but I walked on as if I didn't notice. I knew exactly who it was and I was glad that she would be here to see this. She needed to. Then she would know to stay away from me once and for all. It was selfish and I was disregarding her feelings as though she felt nothing more for me than lust too.

"Hi there beautiful," I muttered as I bent low over Britney's exposed neck. She shivered against me, the chart and pencil she was holding falling to the floor in her surprise.

"Ron," she moaned, her hand coming backwards to grip my wrist. I growled when I realized it was my bad hand.

"Britney, my hand...." I began to say. She twirled around, shock and concern running through her gaze. She glanced down at the place where her fingers were still wrapped around my wrist. She gasped softly, her eyes racing up my body to meet my own.

"What happened?" she asked. She didn't wait for me to respond, but turned around to gather the supplies to help me. I sat down on one of the free beds, the mattress sinking under my weight and the back of my head still on fire with _her _stare. Britney came back to me, her arms laden with the supplies. I noticed that her eyes were pointedly focused on something just over my shoulder. The sneer that overcame her features was obviously not meant for my eyes. I watched her, the jealousy and the hatred that was pulsing through ever pore of her being, with a dark fascination. So this was the face that I'd placed my future on? I resisted the urge to vomit, instead focusing again on the burning gaze making holes in the back of my head. Slowly, it diminished and finally ceased to exist. I wondered what she was doing, why Britney's glare had scared her enough to look away from me.

The next few minutes seemed to last for an eternity. Britney fixed my hand up and I tried to focus on her as much as I could, but something kept pulling my attention back to the lack of Becca's gaze. I wanted to turn around and search the room for her blue eyes and pale, angelic face. I didn't, though, because in succumbing to my desires I would ruin everything. I would never be able to look away and I would have to acknowledge that twisting feeling that was brewing in the pit of my stomach. I swallowed the bile rising in my throat and looked up at Britney's face. She was watching me, the adoration and possession clear on her face. I knew right then, that I had to do it before I lost my nerve. Before I just ran back into Becca's arms.

"Britney?" I said her name softly, in a way that made her shudder beneath my searching gaze.

"Yes, Ron?" she asked, her tongue rolling along my name in pleasure. I refrained from rolling my eyes, instead taking her hand.

"I know this is a bit soon, but would you....will you do me the honor in marrying me?" I raised my voice at the end, vindictively hoping that Rebecca had heard me from across the room. Feeling that burning sensation come back, I knew she had. In the connection that was now pulsing through me, I could feel her white-hot tears forming in her eyes. I could not believe that I'd been so stupid as to think that this would help. In fact, this decision only made my chest ache more. Doubt seized me, but before I could take back what I'd done, Britney had thrown her arms around me and was hugging me tightly.

"Of course I'll marry you, Ron!" she muttered in my ear, her body shuddering in its delight. I pulled away from her, a tight smile forming on my lips. This was not what I wanted. How could I have been so stupid? How could I take back the hurt I'd just caused the one person that I truly did care about in this God-forsaken place? From across the room, I could hear and feel her choked sobs as she ran from the scene. I could feel her hands closing over her mouth, holding the sounds in. Instead of following her, I held Britney to keep myself rooted to the spot. A cold dread filled my every pore and I knew then that I had screwed things up badly.

**Becca's POV**

Running didn't seem to help me at all. The phantoms that had been threatening to overcome me all day filled my soul with a desperation that I hadn't known I'd been keeping inside me. I hugged my hand tighter over my mouth, wishing with all my being that the hot tears pouring from my eyes would help make the pain go away. After all that we had been through, after the way he'd kissed me, he was choosing her over me. I didn't know that it was possible to feel as much pain since my father's death. As the sobs wracked through my chest, though, I now knew that I could.

I searched frantically for a room of the aid station that was empty. I needed to be alone, to be able to scream away my pain until my throat was raw and unusable. How could I have been so foolish as to believe that one kiss would have made him feel as I did about him? I knew then that after all the dreams, after the tender way in which he had held me last night....I knew I'd fallen in love with him. He didn't feel the same way, not when he was choosing to marry another woman.

Logic, something that had been lying dormant in my mind for a while, decided to make an appearance.

_He wouldn't be able to marry you anyway. You're staging as a man remember?_

I did remember. I knew it with all my being that we could never be together now. It seemed like I should have seen this coming, should have seen this heartbreak since the first night that I had dreamed of him . Now all I could see was her lips curling upwards into the smile that sent a chill flowing down my spine. She had him now and she knew that I'd wanted him so badly that it physically hurt me now.

"Becca?" someone's soft voice pulled me from where I had retreated deep inside myself. I turned my blurry eyesight upwards, where I saw Bill's face swimming into view.

"Bill?" I gasped, my throat swollen with my heartache, "Oh God, Bill, it hurts so badly." I wrapped my arms around my middle, trying desperately to check my emotions. They were tearing me apart and I didn't know how much more I could take.

Bill was beside me in a moment, his hands closing around my own as he pulled me into his lap.

"What's wrong, Becca? Please talk to me," he said, his concern and sorrow at finding me like this evident in his tone. I hugged him closer to me, forgetting in my desperation the kiss we had shared or the realization that I was attracted to him too.

"Bill, he chose someone else. He's marrying that Britney girl. It's over," I finished, swallowing with difficulty and letting my head fall into the crook of his shoulder. I was too consumed by own hurt that I didn't feel the way he tightened against me at the mention of another man in my life. For a long minute, I didn't think he would say anything to me. He just held me tighter and kissed my forehead.

"Who, Becca? Who are you talking about?" his voice was strained and forced. I lifted my head to look at him, our lips nearly touching again. My heart skipped a beat at the knowledge of our proximity, but I pushed the feelings creeping up my throat aside. Something was obviously wrong with him. Then, I realized that he was here. His meeting must have gone alright. I threw my arms around his neck, wanting nothing more than to kiss him in that moment. Besides, if I couldn't have Ron, then why shouldn't I welcome Bill into my arms? Then I knew that Bill probably didn't feel the same way and it wouldn't be fair to him. I was in love with another man or at least I believed I was.

"You came back, Bill," I whispered against him, new tears flowing down my face.

"I told you I would, doll," he muttered, his lips trembling as he skimmed them against my hair. I relaxed, my body melting against his. I felt warm and safe in his arms. I knew that he could easily replace the pain in my heart. But as my thoughts drifted back to the dark, passion-filled eyes of Ronald Speirs, I had to wonder if it would ever be enough.

**Well there we go. Another chapter. I really hope you like it and thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. I can't tell you how happy that makes me. And I hope this chapter lives up to your standards. **

**I'm sure I'll be getting a lot of comments about this....so I might as well address it here. Yes, what Ron did was rash and desperate but the man's never been in love before so he's scared out of his mind of what he's feeling. He needed something to ground him, to keep him from doing something equally as rash with Becca. So, I thought what better way than to ask Britney the she-devil to marry him. **


	12. Watcha Say

_How could I live with myself_

_Knowing that I let our love go_

_And when I do with one chance_

_I just gotta let ya know_

_I know what I did wasn't clever_

_But you and me are meant to be together_

"_Watcha Say" by Jason Derulo_

**Becca's POV**

_My lips were met with empty air, stilled on my skin so that I could not help but shudder. In the darkness I called out to him, desperate for his skin on mine. The yearning that had been built within me was so intense and I did not know what possibility terrified me more. Him coming to me and fulfilling every one of my wildest dreams. Or him leaving me in the freezing emptiness of this room. _

"_Please," I whispered once again. My voice turned into a long string of pleading requests. I knew I wanted him. I wanted him so badly it hurt. The dull ache in my chest had been growing faster and faster as the moments dragged on. Now I felt as if I were choking on it. Soon, I would be drowned completely. In that moment, I realized it was more than the lust for his body. I knew then that I loved him. As I had never, ever loved another human being on the face of the Earth. And as I felt the cold seep through my skin to settle in my heart, I could not doubt that he did not feel the same way for me. _

**April 12, 1944**

I watched Ron, ignoring completely the unbearable ache in my chest that still seemed to stab through me even with all the alcohol I'd downed in the last hour. Grabbing the beer that Bill was handing me, I went to drink it in one gulp as I'd done to the past three mugs. However, he grabbed my wrist before I could do anything.

"Becca, please slow down. He's not worth it," Bill told me, his eyes pleading silently with me to stop this self-destruction. But as I turned my attention back to the couple dancing directly in my line of sight, I couldn't do that. With a growl that rumbled dangerously in my chest, I swung the mug up to my lips. I felt so close to the point of not caring about anything. And as the bitter taste swirled down my throat to settle in my stomach, I felt that last bit of alcohol being soaked up by my body. Numbed bliss filled my limbs and I sunk lazily back into my seat. Yes this was much better than being sober. Being able to feel so much pain in every minute of my life was becoming impossible. I needed to know that I could feel something other than sorrow and heartache. Everything had changed the day that Ron proposed to Britney. She'd taken to calling herself the future Mrs. Ronald Speirs whenever she knew I was within ear shot. She was constantly teasing me, belittling me and I was sick to my stomach because of it. There were days when I wanted nothing more than to crawl back into my uncomfortable bed and die. Remembering what she'd done to me today, I couldn't help but let a few tears fall from my down-turned eyes into my lap.

_I kept my eyes firmly planted on the pile of paperwork in front of me. I could feel her coming closer, the grin on her face incapable of going unnoticed. It was put there for exactly that reason. Britney's hip popped up onto the desk and I suppressed a sigh as I glanced up at her. _

"_What do you want?" I asked, my voice holding nothing but sorrowful resignation. It was pointless to feel anything but that since he'd already made his choice. She'd won and I had lost. It was as simple as that. But, she just had to come over and rub it in my face every chance she got._

"_Oh, I was just wondering how you're holding up. I mean, I know it must be hard watching Ron and how happy he is with another woman," she said, her smile turning into a malicious grin. I shuddered beneath the intensity of her gaze. Why couldn't she just leave me alone and let me wallow in the pool of my own self-pity?_

"_I'm fine," I said, my voice strained and sounding almost inhuman with my effort to not let any of my emotions show. I clenched my fingers around the pants of my uniform to keep them from shaking. I knew that after all, I was allowing her to get to me. Because she knew exactly what buttons to push to make me truly hate ever seeing the day when Ron would throw me aside for another woman. _

"_Oh, but you're not are you? I bet you're miserable because Ron's with another woman, one who doesn't have to pretend that she's a man," Britney said, her voice like a slap across my face. She leaned in closer, her lips nearly touching the outline of my ear, "He likes having a woman that can cling to him in public. He likes having my hair to run his fingers through. You can't do either of those things, and I bet its just eating away at you." With that, she settled back onto the linoleum of the hospital's floor. Her shallow smile was back in place. The look in her eyes, however was very different. I could tell that whatever was showing on my face was something close to shame and horror that the things she'd said were true. It only solidified what I'd already guessed about Ron. He didn't like the secrecy that being in a relationship posed with me. He also didn't like the fact that I was pretending to be a man. That I was giving up things like having my long, beautiful hair and wearing pretty clothes. Things that made me feel like a woman were almost completely gone. The only comfort I got was from crawling into the circle of Bill's arms and knowing that he was there if I ever needed him. He always held me so gently, like I was the most fragile thing in the world. That alone made me feel feminine and I knew that I had to cling to that feeling if I wanted to hold onto my sanity. _

I snapped back to myself, my shoulders shaking now with uncontrollable sobs. I turned my blurry, tear-filled eyes on the place where Bill had been only a few moments ago. I noticed for the first time that he wasn't there anymore. Taking this as my opportunity to escape, I shoved my chair back and clambered out of my seat. As quickly as I could, I dodged the soldiers milling around the entrance to the pub. Ducking out before anyone could see me, I spun around a dark alley and retreated into it. Hearing the silence that soon encompassed me, I let the sobs rip through my throat and past my lips.

It hurt so much. Even with the alcohol swimming through my veins, it felt like I was being torn apart by the pain and misery. I probably would have suffered less if Ron had ripped my heart out. But, he hadn't. Instead, I was painfully aware of every beat, every skip that came even know when I thought about him. Why had I been so stupid as to have let him into my heart and into my soul? The man set me on fire, and he was obviously too thick to see it. Or, worse yet, maybe he just didn't care. After all, I still hadn't any found any proof that he'd dreamed of me too. So, he could have no idea about the bond we shared in a different time and a different place. The complete and utter peace I found when he was holding me.

It got harder to breathe and I tightened my grip on my abdomen, trying desperately to make the pain go away. I was choking. On the realization that I was not simply lusting after him. It was something more. Something much scarier and harder to accept. I'd fallen in love with another woman's fiancee. I had fallen in love with him and realized it much too late.

At that very moment, someone entered the alley. Their shadow filled the dim entrance and I shuddered with anticipation. The tears were still pouring down my face and my lungs felt as if they were on the verge of collapse. Then, out of the darkness a voice filled my ears. A voice that was so painful that I sunk to the ground.

"G-go away!" I sobbed, my throat convulsing with the effort of saying those two words. The truth that was almost too unreal to imagine was lurking just under the surface of my thoughts. And that truth was that I didn't want him to leave me at all. I wanted to run into his arms and never leave. I'd wanted to write it off as just lust and a curiosity that wouldn't have existed if I hadn't already dreamed of him. It wasn't true, and I knew that lying to myself would not last long. The intensity of his character, the draw I had for him would never allow me peace. Even if he did end up marrying Britney, he would always remain in the back of my mind. Ruining me for other men, making me impossible to love unless it was him. A burning hatred filled my soul, consumed me. Devoured me whole in those few moments that I was surprised that I didn't just die right there on that cold, hard ground.

"Becca," he said gently, his fingers closing around my shaking shoulder. I realized that I was still crying, still bleeding for him no matter the rage that had captured my heart. I wrenched my body away from his, fighting the urge to close that distance. Every bit of me seemed to be crying out for release, but I knew I couldn't. If I was ever to recover from this, I would push him away before he could hurt me anymore.

"I told you to leave," I said, my voice thick with malice and anger. Rage licked me from the inside, burning me from within. He had no idea what he had done to me, what he was still doing to me. Seeing him here was so hard. More difficult than I had ever imagined. I could smell him as he dropped to his knee beside me. The woodsy, musky scent rolled off his uniform and into my nose. My mouth watered and I felt the tears pricking at the corners of my eyes again.

"Becca, please," he muttered, his hands coaxing me gently into his lap. My body relaxed in his grasp. I felt a calmness settle through me. His touch was so soothing and something within me settled as my head fell to his chest. The anger poured out of me. I had to wonder what that meant. Being so weak in his arms confused me, but it was something that I couldn't made my thoughts focus on. I was enjoying being held by him too much. Beneath my ear, I could heard the steady pounding of his heart. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sound that matched the rhythm of my own body. How could this be possible? That two hearts were made to beat as one?

His soft lips placed gentle kisses on my forehead. His fingers played lightly along my collarbone, my heart pounding harder as his hands wandered beneath my uniform. The rough, calloused hands glided sensuously against the straps of my bra. A low moan wound its way from my lips and I gripped him tightly with my hands.

"Ron," I gasped, throwing my head back so that he could have better access to me. I wanted and needed him so badly in that moment. I had to feel the proof of his arousal against me. Had to feel the burning weight of whatever hung between us. Had to know that I wasn't the only one that was being driven slowly into the winding fall into madness. I felt the tensing of his muscles beneath the layers of his uniform. I could feel his doubts, his hesitation. I couldn't stand that something was keeping us apart. In desperation, my hands moved upwards towards his neck. I leaned forward, meeting his dark and lustful gaze with fervor.

"Ron, please. I-I don't care if you feel the same way for me. Please, just give me this," I muttered, hoping he caught my sincerity. As the smirk unfolded on his lips, I knew I'd gotten through. Every nerve in my body sang with joy at the thought of his lips on mine again, of feeling that warmth that I knew would not last but a moment in time. That warmth, these few precious moments, I imagined would be all that would get me through those lonely nights when everything else had faded away into nothingness. On those nights when it seemed that all hope had been lost. I knew those desolate times were what lay ahead for me. As romantic as I'd thought being back in time would be, I could guess the reality. War is hell and nothing could change that.

A slight tug of my hand against Ron's neck as he bent lower toward me and I was right back to the present. No thoughts of what lay ahead darkened my mind as his lips descended upon my own. Fire licked at every angle of my body. I so longed to pull him closer, to feel every inch of our bare skin rubbed together in an intimate dance as old as time. But the fact that I couldn't only drove my fervor. My tongue swept against his bottom lip in a silent plea for entrance. He allowed me in, his own tongue quickly swirling with my own as a moan rumbled through his chest. The kiss was intense, a flame flickering before its last breath. All too soon, he had pulled away. He leaned his forehead against my shoulder, his chest heaving with his need for air.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered before pushing me from his lap and sweeping away into the dark abyss beyond the bubble of our passion. Despair crept in around me. Its arms swept around me in a tight embrace. I heard someone saying my name. And then, all I knew was darkness.

The night air flowed along my skin, raising goosebumps in every patch of skin that was not covered by the strong arms that were holding me against a chiseled chest. I knew the man holding me. I wouldn't make the same mistake twice. But a small part of me was glad that I was with Bill and not Ron. After all, if I was going to get over him, I might as well start with finding someone new.

I opened my eyes slowly, the sleep lifting off me like a veil. The first thing I saw was his face swimming into view. The pale moonlight lit his face in tendrils of soft light. I smiled up at him, my fingers instinctively coming up to trace the outline of his strong jaw. It flexed beneath my touch, his body growing tense beside me.

"Becca," he moaned in his sleep, pressing himself closer to me. My heart lurched at the closeness, at the feel of his manhood pressed against the flesh of my hip. The feeling drove my desire, the urge to feel him in my hand almost too much. I'd known sleeping so close to him was a bad idea. But I hadn't realized until tonight how deep my attraction to him lay. It was overwhelming, the lust that had wormed its way into my heart.

With Ron, I knew it was love. Or as close to loving a man as I'd ever gotten. With Bill it was definitely lust. I wanted him so badly. My core throbbed, begging for release. But I knew that giving into my desire would ruin things. Not so long ago, I had been terrified of losing him. I couldn't go through that again. Not so soon.

So, I subtly shifted out of his grasp and slid through the darkness toward my own bed. It was only in the cold void where his arms used to be that I truly felt the weight of being away from him. What would I do about this once we were on the line? We couldn't be seen so close together all the time and besides, Bill had other friends. Friends that would need him. I would be a complete distraction to him. I didn't like the sound of him getting hurt just to protect me.

I shut my eyes, cringing when I thought of all the horrible things that were going to start happening to Easy very soon. I remembered some of the stories my dad had told me, not all of them bad, but sometimes they were. And I knew then that knowing the future would not do me a bit of good out here. Knowing something and seeing it play out before your eyes are two very different things. And I had no idea how I would react when the bullets really started flying and my friends began to get hurt.

**Ron's POV**

**May 31, 1944**

It had been over a month since I'd seen her, talked to her. Kissed her, I thought with a stifled groan. And I felt empty inside, like I'd given a part of myself over to the realization that I did feel more for her than I'd allowed myself to believe. The kiss had proven it. That night, holding her in my arms as she tried desperately to push me away before finally giving in to the pull. The smoldering passion between us was threatening to overwhelm me. And I knew it wasn't just the thirst for her body. It was something more, something deeper, something terrifying. I'd thought about every night, every day, every hour that I'd been apart from her. I knew now, in such a close and confined space, that it would be near to impossible to stay away from her. I closed my eyes to the bright sunshine, knowing that somehow I would have to keep my attention focused on something else. Like, the irritation Britney had slowly been building inside of me for the past month and a half.

It had been constant, her talking about the wedding. She'd been talking about it the night of the kiss as a matter of fact. Where it would be, what type of flowers her bouquet would include, what color dress she would have, on and on until finally I'd told her to shut the hell up. That hadn't made her happy at all and I smirked humorlessly at her reaction.

"_Britney, shut the hell up about the wedding. I've been listening to you fucking talk about it nonstop for the past month," I snapped, grabbing my pack of lucky strikes from the lamp stand and walking away from the bed. I retreated, half-naked, to the window that was situated in the very corner of my room. I lit it, feeling the anger swirl around me in the room. The stunned silence was soon broken by the squeak of the bed. I knew by the gait of her walk and the acceleration of her breathing that she was beyond furious. I took a shallow breath, inhaling the smoke. It filled my lungs with a burning sensation that broke the monotony of my life for only a moment. Everything had changed when I'd proposed to Britney. And I never used that saying. Ever. _

"_Just who the hell do you think you are, Ron? I'm your wife and I-," she stopped mid-sentence when I turned around. I fixed her with my most intense glare. I stepped closer to her, appreciating the sharp gasp the movement elicited from her. _

"_You are not my wife and believe me, I can take that away from you at any time. Don't think for one moment that you mean anything more to me than just a good fuck." I had not once raised my voice, but by the look on her face you would have thought I'd slapped her. Her eyes filled immediately and I almost felt bad for hurting her. But she had to be reminded somehow that she was disposable, that I was in control and not the other way around. Regardless, I knew I had to keep her close if I ever wanted to get over my...whatever I felt for her. So, I pulled her into my arms. She pressed her face into my chest for a second and then tilted her head backwards. Her lips grazed my ear and what she said next sent my reeling. _

"_And don't you forget, Ron, that I know all about that little bitch. If you try and get rid of me, the entire Army will know she's a woman in the blink of an eye," she muttered, her voice sending a shiver of dread through my system. How did she know about Rebecca? As she leaned back and I saw the smile on her face, I knew then that I'd gotten myself way in over my head. _

I turned my attention back to the present and caught her eyes immediately. They were the brightest blue I'd ever seen. Her face was all aglow and the remnants of a smile still played about her pink, full lips. I couldn't help it. I had to stare back at her. She was so beautiful even without the long, black hair that I'd remembered from my dreams. I could imagine it, flowing in soft waves about her face down to her elbows. I wanted so badly to take that hair in my hands and pull it backwards as my lips descended upon her exposed neck. How I wanted to twirl it in my fingers after we lay together in the basking aftermath of our love-making. I knew that I was about a moment away from jumping the tailgate, running to her, and sweeping her up into my arms. But, then, just as suddenly as we saw each other, the same sergeant who was always around her said something. Blinking, as if stunned, she turned to face him. Breaking the spell, I tried to make sense of my muddled thoughts. While I watched them, he smiled at her. I could see what he truly felt for her in his eyes. I could see it in the way he turned his body completely toward her, every pore of his being aware of her. She was aware of him too, but not as strongly. She was turned slightly away and even from this distance, I could feel her compulsion to look back over at me. I wanted her to, was nearly screaming for her to look at me instead of him. It was petty, childish, and I knew it was my jealousy talking. But I wanted to be the one sitting next to her, I wanted to be able to look at her with that rapt attention and not look like a moron.

That's exactly what I had been. An idiot to let her go and put that distance between us. Because in just these few short weeks, I knew what it was I felt about her. I knew it as if that was my sole purpose in life. With this realization, I wouldn't be able to stay away from her for very long. And with Becca being a woman in hiding, I could not openly seek her out. So, I would have to grab her when she least expected it. I would have to make her see what a fool I had been. I just didn't know how.

I could still hear my whispered, "I'm sorry," in the air between the two of us. Not for the last time, I wondered exactly why I had said that. If I had to make a guess, it probably would have been for leaving her when all I'd wanted to do was stay. I was good at leaving her I realized. It was easier that way for me to run away from my true feelings for her. Not being with her helped me to clear my head, helped me get rid of the burning heat in my groin that called to her every time I was near her. I was growing hard and firm just from the thought of being close to her again. Shaking my head, I realized that I'd realized too late that I was in love with her.

**Becca's POV**

I could feel his gaze burning into me, willing me to look at him. I fought it, focusing all of my will-power on keeping my eyes locked onto Bill's. The past month and a half had been hard. Between dreaming about that kiss every night and trying to rid myself of my urges with Bill, I was exhausted. I was trying, really trying to get over Ron and how much he had hurt me, but it didn't seem to be working at all. In fact, the longer I stayed away from him, the stronger my feelings for him became.

I finally gave into my deepest desires, and I glanced in his direction. I froze completely as I met his dark gaze. It was every bit as intense and sexually-charged as I'd imagined for this past month. But hidden behind his lustful eyes was something else. Regret? Guilt? I couldn't tell, but I knew that I wanted to find out. Wanted it more than anything. A choking sensation slowly built upwards into my mouth. Looking at him like this sent warning bells through my mind. He was getting married. To a woman that I couldn't have hated more. The fact that he'd kissed me hadn't changed that at all. I couldn't put into words how jealous of her I was, how much I wanted it to be _me _standing beside him at the alter in a white dress. I heaved a sigh, wishing that he would break the spell between us. Wishing that someone, anyone, would interrupt my thoughts from the twisted turn they had taken.

"Becca?" Bill's voice came low and dangerous in my ear. The heat covered my body in one fell sweep and my eyes threatened to roll back into my head. I tightened my hold on my pants leg. I blinked several times, stunned that such a strong feeling of desire could overcome me.

"Y-yes?" I whispered, too terrified of my own feelings to make my voice louder. Inside, I was screaming for some sort of release. I couldn't keep doing this. I knew what I was feeling right now was lust. It all made sense. I was feeling the same things with both Ron and Bill. The heat, the liquid fire shooting through my veins and landing in a pool between my thighs, my hands shaking uncontrollably for the need to touch both men. I was feeling it for both of them and I had to wonder again how God could be so cruel. I knew, now though, it was only a matter of my own feelings. Ron was not available and obviously didn't want anything to do with me. Bill, on the other hand, was another matter entirely. While he put on a strong front in front of the other guys, there were times when he was so gentle with me. So tender that I wondered if it was really him that had me enfolded in his arms. There was something breath-taking, so heart-rendering that I had a difficult time thinking back on them without wanting to cry.

Bill's eyes swam into view again. They were warm and dark like the creamy folds of a chocolate bar. My mouth watered and at that moment I wanted nothing more than to smother myself in his passion. Could this be normal? To hunger after two men so feverishly? I guessed that it wasn't but I didn't care. All I dared to focus my strength on was not kissing him. I looked down at my hands, bit my lips as hard as I could, thought about the mess hall food that made me want to gag....anything to stop myself from kissing him. But when his fingers closed around my own, my resolve nearly shattered.

"Bill stop," I pleaded, my breath coming in shallow gasps as I struggled to keep myself calm. Bolts of electricity wound through my body at the points of blessed contact on my hand. The light that shone in his eyes terrified me. Thrilled me. I was scared of myself, and of him. Of what I would do in response to whatever his next move would be. I only hoped that he wouldn't close the distance between us. Because I didn't think that I would be able to stand it. His eyes flickered between my own and my lips. I could see the hunger radiating from every pore of his body. It licked my own, building the tension until it was almost impossible to breathe.

Just as suddenly as it had started, it was over. His fingers left my own and I was left feeling winded, lost. I turned my head, beyond confused. When I saw the tailgate fall open and the guys nearest to it jumped out, I realized what had happened. We were unloading. I heaved a sigh and stood up. Better to start moving so that I could get my mind off of Bill. Funny thing was as soon as I stopped thinking about him, my mind always jumped back to Ron. I was in so much trouble and that fact hadn't even set in just yet.

**The usual disclaimer applies and I just have to send a HUGE thank you to captain ty. She's really been such a big help with this fic so I thought I would throw that out there. ;)**

**So, lots happening in this chapter. Um, I hope all the angst and sexual-tension wasn't too much for any of you. I'd hate for a heart-attack to be on my hands. Lol**

**Lastly, THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who's been reviewing: BrokenAngel1753, Finelame86, Roossmit, VendingMachine, captain ty, AivieEnchanted, and S a i r a h i n i e l. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. And the readers. Even if you don't review, it still means a lot that you've taken the time to check out this story. :)**


	13. Crush

_Why do I keep running from the truth_

_All I ever think about is you_

_You've got me hypnotized_

_So mesmerized and I've just got to know_

_Do you ever think when you're all alone_

_All that we could be _

_Where this thing could go_

"_Crush" by David Archuleta_

Ron's POV

**June 3, 1944**

_Fire danced across the horizon and I hugged her closer to my chest. My head was growing fuzzy as I sucked in breath after breath of the poisonous fumes rolling toward us from the burning houses all around us. Through it all, a desperation the likes of which I'd never felt before waged within my heart. My sole purpose right now was getting her out of here but I couldn't see anything. My body was growing weaker, my legs threatening to fold beneath me with every succeeding step I took. But I knew that I couldn't. _

_A small, hopeless moan fell from her pale lips. My heart lurched painfully in my chest and I had to bite down on my lip to prevent the cry from rolling from my own mouth. I glanced down at her as her eyelids lifted partially from her eyes. Those flecks of blue were all I needed to see to regain my strength. The sorrow contained in their depths, the resignation that we were going to die here tonight, were enough for me to realize that if I did not move she would die. Even if I was no longer a part of this world, the thought of her ceasing to exist was enough to stop my heart. I could never let that happen, not while I was still around to prevent it. I glanced down at her again, smiling despite the gravity of our situation. _

"_You're going to be alright. I'm going to save you," I muttered, my voice raspy with the ashes that had settled in my lungs. What I saw then took my breath away. She looked up at me, trust shining in her eyes while she smiled. Her finger traced the outline of my face, finally ending at my forehead as she swept the hair from my eyes. _

"_I know you will, Ron. I love you so much," she replied, tears forming in those beautiful orbs that I loved to look at. My heart pounding in my chest, I started forward. Determined to find a way out of this burning limbo. With her love, I could do anything. Because the truth was that I loved her just as much. No matter how many times I had tried to deny it, I knew it now. It beat like a second pulse within my body. Seeing no way of reversing time, I embraced it. Knowing with all my heart that loving her was the thing that would get me through this war. _

I shot up in bed, sweat trickling from my hairline. My chest heaved with imagined exertion. I could still feel the heat from the flames licking at our bodies. I could hear the screams for help, the sound of the bombs that fell around us, the way her fingers felt against my bare skin. It had been so real, so vivid. I knew that the heart-stopping thought of Rebecca dying would always remain in my mind. I knew that with every battle we undertook, her death would always linger like the stench of rotted meat in the core of my soul. I also knew, deep down, that I would see this scene again. Whether in my dreams or in reality. I would see it again. I just wondered when that would be. I could dimly remember the snow crunching beneath our feet, and the cold flakes that flecked her dark hair. Yes whatever it was wouldn't happen for another six months.

I wondered what would take place over the span of six months. It was long enough for me to begin to realize that everything I'd known about life, about love would be altered. By one single woman. My mother had always said that someday I would meet the girl of my dreams. And at first, I might not realize that she was everything that I could ever need or want from life. I hadn't imagined that it would happen like this. In the middle of war-torn Europe. Then again, maybe this was what destiny was meant to be like. In the most unexpected places, something extraordinary was happening to me. I was falling in love with Rebecca Harris and nothing I could do or say would change that. I also didn't know that it would take almost losing her for me to fully realize it.

Across the room, I could feel her eyes flickering toward me every few seconds. She was sitting beside the sergeant again, but I knew that her attention was focused entirely on me. It drew shudders of thrilled delight from every nerve in my body. I could almost feel the pulse of her heart rate as I turned to meet her eyes. She diverted her gaze to the front of the room as if she hadn't just been staring at me. But I knew. I could tell by the petaled blush that filled her cheeks that she'd been waiting for me to look at her too. I couldn't help the stupid smile that curled my lips nor the way my heart fluttered with desire.

Why did I let her worm her way so far into my heart and mind? Hell I'd gone as far as to propose to another woman just to stay away from her. And it hadn't worked in the slightest. In fact, the twist of forbidden thoughts that filled my thoughts only added to her allure. I wanted her now more than ever.

When her cerulean blue orbs appeared in my sight again, I realized that now it was me that had been caught staring. I almost felt compelled to blush, but all that appeared was a smug smirk. She blushed anew, but did not look away again. The pulse on the side of her neck was pulsing to the rhythm of my own heart beat. The desire she was feeling was evident in the way she looked at me, in the way the moisture began to bead on the outline of her brow. I gulped, my Adam's Apple bobbing in the light of her eyes. She was glowing, with the intensity of a shooting star. Only it did not diminish when I looked away from her. I could still feel her eyes upon me, her body humming to the harmony created by my own.

I knew then that after the meeting, I would have to see her. Not doing so was never an option. Even before I'd caught her staring at me, I'd wanted to see her anyway. That night in the alley still haunted me and coupled with the dream....my body was begging for some kind of release. Whether it was just touching her for a moment or kissing her until we were both breathless, it didn't matter. I had to see her and feel her in the palm of my hand. It was insane. I could feel the edges of my vision blurring as my mind shifted toward forming a plan. I had to get her alone, but how?

Becca's POV

The heat rushed through me wave upon wave as his dark eyes bored into my own. It was only interrupted when he looked away. But the dark desire that had captured my heart did not abate. I wanted so badly in that moment to touch him, to feel his skin against mine. To know that he was real and not something that I had simply dreamed up. I considered the irony of that image, but I knew that I hadn't dreamed him up so much as he had wormed his way into my dreams as a figure of mystery. One that even now that presented an enigma that I wished to solve. Things low in my body tingled at the thought of figuring him out. There was something so alluring, so forbidden, so dangerous about him that it drew me to him like a moth to a flame. It didn't matter that I would get burned, that the threat of death loomed in the air. I wanted him more than I'd ever wanted any man. And on some level, I knew that he wanted me too.

Now that I was level-headed enough to think objectively about Ron, I was sure now that I had put too much stock into the belief that I was in love with him. I very much wanted him, but only in the way a woman wants a man. But then, I also knew that I desired more than just his body. I wanted to know what was going on in that head of his. I wanted to know his deepest desires, his hopes for the future, his favorite childhood memories. Though, maybe wanting to know all of that was just a part of lusting after someone. I shook my head, more confused now than ever. I didn't know what it felt like to be in love. The lines between what I wanted from Ron were blurring together into one tumultuous desire. And beyond the edges of my vision, all I could see was Ron. I didn't know exactly what I wanted from him, but I did know that whatever these feelings were...I wanted to experience them with him.

Before I knew it, the meeting was over. I realized that I hadn't heard one word of it. I had been too busy trying to sort through my thoughts. That's when the idea sprang upon me. It was so simple, so easy that it was a wonder that I hadn't thought of it before. The man beside me had been quiet through the entire meeting and I looked to him now with a renewed sense of appreciation. I knew that Bill would know exactly what to say about the way I was feeling.

"Bill?" I asked him, slightly guilty that I was going to interrupt his thoughts. He looked up at me, the dazed look in his eyes soon replaced by something else that I couldn't name. He smiled at me, his fingers brushing softly against mine as we walked with the rest of Easy back to our tents.

"Yeah?"

"I was just wondering how do you know the difference between lust and love? I mean, how do you know when you're in love with someone as opposed to just wanting to...well you know," I said, blush staining my face. The idea had sounded better in my head than actually carrying it out. The look in Bill's eyes told me he was shocked and he'd immediately stiffened at the question. Embarrassed, I shook my head feverishly.

"You know what, never mind. Just forget I ever asked," I said quickly, my tongue twisting uncomfortably in my haste to get the words out of my mouth. He was still looking at me with that same half stunned half afraid look that told me it was a subject he didn't want to talk about. An awkward silence, the first during the length of our friendship, settled between us. And I noticed the way he scooted closer to me, probably in an effort to tell me that it was okay. I knew it wasn't though. How could I have been so stupid?

"Becca," Bill muttered, his voice quiet enough that no one else would be able to hear us. I turned to him, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. I hadn't realized that maybe the question could have brought up bad memories for him. Of a past love or a sweetheart that was waiting for him at home. Jealousy shot through me at the thought of another woman in his life. Then, the guilt swirled through me and up my throat in the form of rancid bile. All this time I'd slept in his bed and had less-than innocent thoughts about the two of us together and here I'd never thought about another woman.

"Bill, it's fine, honestly. I wasn't thinki-," I was suddenly cut off when I was jerked through the crowd and into an empty tent. Disoriented, I glanced around and saw Bill closing the flap with a small smile on his face. He turned around slowly, his eyes shining with something that I couldn't identify.

"Becca, you didn't do anything wrong. I'd be happy to answer your question," he said, his voice having taken on a very husky tone. I shuddered with desire, the liquid heat pooling between my legs. This was the first time we'd truly been alone for a long time. I couldn't help but hope that this would escalate into something. But it was impossible to think that he felt the same about me. That we were both two souls searching for physical release. At least that's what I'd convinced myself that was all I wanted from either him or Ron.

"Really?" I asked him, hope tinging my quiet voice. He nodded gently, his feet bringing him closer to me with every moment. My pulse raced within my chest and shallow breaths rattled through my frame as I waited for him to complete the distance. My fingers trembled with the need to touch him. I closed my eyes, taking in the sound of his footfalls and the smell rolling off of him in waves. His masculinity seemed to stroke things that I never thought existed. Ecstasy raced behind my eyelids, making me gasp when his fingers closed around mine. Electricity shot up my arm and I stepped closer to him.

"So how do you know the difference?" I whispered, my eyes still tightly shut. I couldn't look at him as he answered me, my body unknowingly blocking me from realizing what had been festering between us on those nights when I'd shared his bed. In a spiral of chaos, Bill's thoughts had begun to travel the road of the heartache of unrequited love. Even he hadn't realized it, hadn't begun to entertain the possibility that I might feel anything for him other than a platonic friendship. But now the seed had been planted. The wheels of his brain were turning.

He brushed a stray strand of air behind my ear, his finger expertly tracing the outline of my ear. A moan escaped my lips and I could almost sense him growing hard before me. He closed his eyes too, savoring the sensations that I was creating in him. He knew, as well as I did, that our time together was limited. And it shouldn't be wasted at all.

"I can't really explain what love is. If you have to question it, then you aren't feeling it. You just know when you're in love with someone. You think about them all the time and you know that you would do anything to be with them, even if it's forbidden. Even if it means your death. You would do anything for them because seeing them happy means more to you than even your own happiness," Bill said, his breath caressing the inside of my ear. I shuddered in his grasp, but I didn't move away from him. A strange feeling was blooming from the palms of his hands on my arms to the rest of my body. I didn't know what was happening to me, but I knew that to ruin this perfect moment would be disastrous. So, I stayed still, my thoughts scattering as he pressed his lips gently to my ear. Something within me became to scream. For what I had no idea. I let instinct take over and when he pressed another feather-light kiss that was closer to my mouth, my fingers twisted themselves into the front of his uniform. Desperate wanting overwhelmed me. But he was moving ever so slowly towards my lips, drawing the seconds out into eternity as I waited with bated breath for him to kiss me. Still, I stayed frozen. I had to let him come to me on his own terms. Somehow I knew that he would have wanted it that way. And as he pulled away for the final time, something in the stars aligned. Poised on the edge of some calamitous result.

Then, his lips brushed against my own. Pleasure shot through me as I realized that I had been waiting for this. Wanting and needing it ever since I'd first kissed him. This was so different, so much _more _than I'd ever expected. Something in me seemed to settle because this felt so right. So natural. Almost as much as kissing Ron.

Ron. As soon as his name entered my mind, I knew my sense would follow quickly afterward. I tried with all my willpower to hold onto the beautiful, tender moment that had me wrapped me up in its gentle tendrils.

Then, as if the flood gates had broken, I snapped. Wrenching away from Bill with force, I had only a second to register the confusion and hurt on his face before I started for the entrance of the tent. I couldn't believe that I was actually doing this. Leading on two men that I could never come close to deserving. Little did I know that I had set something alight in both myself and Bill that would not be abated that easily. We would never look at each other the same way. I would only wish that I could see him the same way he saw me. I would have no idea that my heart had already been consumed by another.

Ron's POV

They swept from the room before I had time to react. I could hear the sergeant's distinct, Philadelphia accent through the hundreds of voices that surrounded me. In reply I heard her own voice, like the ringing of church bells in my ears. Something low in my stomach twisted and knotted up until I was sure I was going to throw up. She was with him again, even after the look in the meeting. Even after the kiss that had nearly brought me to knees at her mercy. She was everything I'd ever wanted and I was determined to win her over. Her face had haunted my dreams and my thoughts for too long for me to just let her go.

I elbowed my way through the crowd, as silent and austere as a ghost. Most men, when they saw who was trying to get past them, moved away from me. Young privates, green men whom you could tell were new just from the looks on their faces, scrambled from my presence. I resisted the urge to smirk at them and focused all my attention on finding her. My male instincts were gaining momentum. Jealousy warred within me. I knew that if I didn't find her, something bad was going to happen. Something detrimental to our future together, a major road bump.

I couldn't even believe that I was already thinking about our future. It was something I had always wanted to leave out of the equation when I was dealing with women. It had never been difficult until now. I wasn't even thinking about the fact that I was already engaged to another woman. Britney was nothing more than a piece of ass I'd foolishly used as a way to stay away from Rebecca. She was obviously possessive and believed that I really did love her. Otherwise, she wouldn't have threatened. I hadn't ever showed her my scary side. It looked like I would have to if I had any chance of being rid of her.

My eyes glazed over the dispersing crowd. Some men were going back to their tents, some were going to do drills with their platoon. But in all that thinning crowd, I couldn't find the two of them. And where he was, she was bound to be. I grabbed someone, the first person's arm that my fingers met. I pulled him to me, enjoying the flicker of fear that flashed behind his eyes. I could see the bold cross on his arm. A medic and I recognized him as being from Easy Company.

"You have any idea where your other medic went?" I asked him, my eyes taking on that cold and unemotional look that everyone hated so much. His tongue darted across his lips as his eyebrows scrunched together.

"Spina was just there, Sir," he said, his voice quaking slightly until the end. I could see his shoulders relax slightly when he realized he wasn't going to get into trouble. I rolled my eyes and he tensed again.

"Not him, your other one. Harris?"

"Harris? We don't got no Harris, Lieutenant." Shit. I caught my mistake too late. I couldn't even remember what her alias was. Then, it appeared in my mind like a welcomed beam of light.

"Sorry, not Harris. Fields. Private Fields," I clarified, hoping that he wouldn't think too much into my blunder. But I could see the suspicion pooling in his brown eyes. He frowned, looking away from me and at the crowd.

"No, sir, I haven't seen him or Guarnere at all since the meeting. Maybe they're drilling with Easy's second platoon." I let him go, enjoying the relief that spread across his face when he knew he was free of me.

"Thank you, Private, that'll be all," I muttered, already distracted with finding her again. The ravage beast inside me would not give up the hunt. I left the medic behind me, not caring at this point if he began to wonder what Private Fields was hiding. Finding her was my first goal. Telling her to be careful was my second. Little did I know that I would not find her that day. Swept up in a chaotic storm in preparation for the big jump, I wouldn't find her for two more agonizing days.

**Becca's POV**

**June 4, 1944**

Amazingly, I'd managed to avoid both Ron and Bill for the last two days. Still, without them to distract me from my own thoughts, a great knot had settled in my stomach. I knew the jump was coming. My father had drilled it into my head from an early day that June 6 was one of the most important days of the year. At least as far as a history fanatic was concerned.

Tomorrow I was going to make the most terrifying and awesome jump of my life, literally. And I couldn't have been more frightened. I wanted and needed my best friend back. I knew, though, that when we faced each other again it would be more than awkward. I felt awful for leaving him there without explaining that kissing each other was not an option. Because now I realized that not only was showing him that I was attracted to him a horrible idea. It was also the fact that I worried that becoming something more would lead to trouble. Trouble that I couldn't afford if I wanted to stay here. I also ran the risk of losing him if things turned out badly.

Still, I couldn't stop my dreams from taking wild twists where the lips that touched my own in the darkness quickly transitioned from Ron's to Bill's in such a way that I was always unsure of who I was really kissing. Hands stroked my sides, my cheeks, my arms. And I never knew who was touching me. Disgust gripped my heart at the memories. Being attracted to two men at the same time was one thing. Kissing them both within days and hours of each other was nothing short of sickening. And the voices in my head that sounded so like the people who had taunted me for years were quick to call me out on what I really was.

_Whore. Tramp. Slut. _

Some nights, the voices were quiet. On others, they rose to a dull roar that pounded in my ears and really made me feel the weight of what I had done. I had never wanted it to spiral so out of control. But somehow, as things always seemed to do around me, they had and now I was paying for it dearly.

"Easy Company get your asses to the air field and gear up!" the shout came so suddenly that I nearly jumped out of my seat and landed on my butt. I could feel my eyes bugging out of my head and I turned next to me to look at Bill. Only he wasn't there. I came back to myself slowly, remembering that I had been avoiding him whenever I got the chance because facing him right now was too scary. Instead, my gaze met Eugene Roe's. The first man whom I'd met in this time.

He was looking at me with a strange expression on his face, his eyes giving away nothing. I'd noticed that he looked at me differently than he usually did. Ever since two days ago. The same day that Bill had kissed me. My heart gave a painful jerk before speeding up into a thundering race in my chest. I sucked in a breath, trying to calm my nerves. This was it. I was going to be participating in the largest amphibious assault to date and I couldn't have been more terrified. Of death, of never seeing either Ron or Bill again, of being taken prisoner by the Germans. A thousand reasons sped through my mind and I had a hard time keeping track of all of them.

That's when I felt it. A slight brushing of someone's fingertips against my own. Surprised, I gasped and glanced down at the back of my hand. My eyes traced the arm. Shocked beyond belief, I saw Gene looking at me with a slight smile curving his lips upward.

"I know I'm not Guarnere, but I'd like to think I can help you at least gear up," he muttered, his Cajun accent unable to fill me with relief. Inside I was panicking. He knew. Eugene Roe knew that I was a woman.

"Gene..." I whispered, terror seizing me. Worry and surprise appeared in his eyes. Apparently, what I was thinking was painted all over my eyes. His soft, long-fingered hands gripped my own. He gave them a reassuring squeeze.

"Relax, I'm not going to tell anyone, although I would like to know what the hell you're doing here," he said, his voice calming instantly. I could see in his eyes that he really wasn't going to tell anyone. For that, I couldn't have been more happy. Ron and Bill were already on my side, but knowing that someone else knew and was willing to keep my secret was strangely comforting.

I gave a weak laugh, my breath shallow and wracking painfully through my chest. "You wouldn't believe me even if I told you." Gene smirked, his brown eyes shining with amusement.

"You'd be surprised," he muttered as he stood up from his seat. He grabbed my hand before I could think through his request and pulled me up. We were swept quickly along with the rest of Easy Company. Gene stayed close to my side, his hand never leaving my own. It was in this moment that I missed Bill the most. He would have done something like this too. Made me feel like I would be safe and that we would both survive through this crazy mess. I wanted so badly to find him then and my head shot around the heads of the men before I really knew what I was doing. In the mass of uniforms, I couldn't find him and my heart sunk.

"Hey, we'll find him before we get off the ground. Who knows? Maybe Meehan will put you with Second," Gene whispered in my ear. I nodded absentmindedly, my thoughts straying to Ron too. Who knew when I would next see him. Something about the man made me think that the Germans would never be able to catch him long enough to shoot him. So, I wasn't too worried about that. But the doubts still lingered in the back of my head, like a monster that was slowly feasting on all the negativity swirling through me.

An hour and a half later and Gene had just finished gearing me up with the help of Spina, the other medic in Easy. It had been filled with a lot of blushing on Gene's part and me giggling hysterically. I had to laugh, or I would drive myself to insanity as his fingers brushed gently against my breasts which were cleverly hidden in the swells of my uniform. My peers in school, cruel as they were, always laughed at the fact that I had a small chest. Then, I'd taken the comments to heart and always wished that I'd been better endowed. Now, I was tempted to get down on my knees and thank God for making me so.

Roe met my eyes one final time, amusement shining through underneath the embarrassment. I hoped no one saw the exchange, or we'd both be in huge trouble. The moment was soon broken when the call for Easy came from some distance away. I turned on my heel, quickly catching sight of Meehan, Winters, and Welsh standing at the front of a gathering crowd. All three of us looked at each other before we grabbed our helmets and joined the rest of the boys. With my luck, I didn't notice the man who I ended up next to as we all turned our attention on Easy's commander.

"Easy Company, listen up!" he shouted over the voices that were still ringing through the crowd. All conversation died. We were all both terrified and excited, in an odd way, to finally be embarking on the journey for which we'd been training for so long.

"The coast is socked in with rain and fog. There will be no jump tonight, gentlemen!" he shouted. I could see clearly his irritation, something we all shared. Everyone around me seemed to move, turning on the spot dejectedly and walking back toward where our stuff was still sitting neglected.

"The invasion has been postponed and we're on a 24-hour stand down," Meehan continued. But I didn't hear what he said at all. Standing before me, like a light in the middle of my dark and chaotic world, was Bill. His face held all the tenderness that I could have hoped for. I could feel myself melting in the face of his dark and unflinching gaze. A small smile graced his lips as he checked over his shoulder for anyone who might have been looking. When he met my eyes again, I knew that the coast was clear. Quickly, he leaned forward and with obvious hesitance placed a kiss on my cheek. He only lingered there for a second, both of us conscious of what would happen if we were caught. He leaned backwards, his breath blowing like a warm breeze across my lips. It held a promise. Of dangerous things that had no business in time of war but which happened anyway. Most likely because it was never more apparent than when you were always under death's wings that life was short and was not to be wasted lightly.

"I missed you," he whispered, his voice stroking things low in my body. I tried to ignore them, tried to push them from my mind. But they were seared into my brain, my fate forever altered by the kiss that we had shared and the acknowledgment that I felt more toward him than I cared to admit aloud.

**Alright: a couple things for this author's note. First of all. HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who has been reading and reviewing over the past ten days. I know I've been noticeably absent, and for that I have to apologize profusely. I've been stuck with AP exams, battling my way through not one-but three chapters, and it's been complete chaos for this past week and a half. **

**Another thing! I hope I haven't lost all of you and that you'll find this chapter interesting enough to read and review it too. *puppy dog eyes* That little maneuver seemed to work with my other story, so I thought I'd try it out. **

**Last but not least-sorry for any errors grammatical or otherwise. I just wanted to post and I didn't get to go through it. And if I might add, the dream in the very beginning of the chapter-very important! You might find a bit of foreshadowing in there. Just saying. :D**


	14. Disturbia

_It's a thief in the night to come and grab you_

_It can creep up inside you and consume you_

_A disease the mind it can control you_

_It's too close for comfort_

_Put on your pretty lies, you're in the city of wonder_

_Ain't gonna play nice_

_Watch out you just might go under _

"_Disturbia" by Rihanna_

**Becca's POV**

His fingers tightened around my own as we continued to stare at one another. I couldn't believe what influence the slightest touch had on me. Relief and warmth spread from that blessed point of contact to the rest of my body. I sighed, the sound containing all the happiness I was so heavily trying to guard.

"I've missed you too, Bill," I muttered, squeezing his hand back. Not wanting to look suspicious, I let go of his hand, plopped my helmet on my head and we both moved toward the hangar to unload all of our gear. We would be jumping, of that much I was sure. But not right now. One more day. To enjoy the freedom of being ignorant, to enjoy being by Bill's side again.

It took, between us, thirty minutes to take all of our gear off, lug it back to the tents, and get to the erected mess hall. We were eating spaghetti today, a dish we all derived horrible memories from. It'd become something like Sobel's signature asshole move. Feed us spaghetti and then make us run. I could still see those times behind my eyes. My feet trudging through the vomit filled with spaghetti noodles as we ran around Aldbourne. I could still hear the labored breathing of the men around me and my own heartbeat as I tried to keep the food in my stomach.

I pushed away my plate at the same time that Bill did. We met eyes, our fingers only centimeters apart. I could feel the heat emanating from his body. I wanted so badly to close the distance, to hold his hand and feel that simple comfort we had been denied for nearly two days. Was it normal to feel this much for another person? I'd thought that Ron was the only person that had ever made me feel this way, but Bill had proven me wrong yet again. Instead of grabbing his hand like I so desperately wanted to, I just sat there. I turned my attention to the men around us, hoping that their conversations would distract me. Bill wasn't having any of that. His hand moved from the table top. I watched it as if it were a snake about to strike. I waited in anticipation, my breath frozen in my chest and my heart pounding hard and fast in my ears. His fingertips grazed against my thigh and my lungs burst with a delighted gasp. Thankfully, the noise around us prevented anyone from hearing me. I closed my eyes, enjoying the tense, pleasure-filled moment. Beside me, his arm did not move once. But his fingertips continued to tease my skin through the uniform, evoking something so powerful within me that I was being choked by it. Fire filled my veins and I knew that I had to get up before I combusted. Jumping up onto my feet, I moved as quickly as I dared to get away from him. Every nerve in my body was screaming for me to go back, but I refused to give in to my desires. I was terrified of those desires, those wants, those desperate and increasing needs. Before we both did something we would regret, I had to place distance between us.

Faster and faster I weaved in and out of the olive-green tents lining the grounds, with no particular destination in mind. All that mattered was that I had to get away from Bill. Sooner or later, I would have to talk to him. About what I was feeling, what I feared would happen between us, and most of all I would have to tell him about Ron.

And as if my thoughts alone could conjure the demon that still haunted my dreams in the silent hours of the night, a hand shot out and grabbed hold of my arm. I was dragged gently into an empty tent, the flap closing tightly over the dimly-lighted entrance in an instant. The blood was pounding in my ears, my skin tingling with fear.

"H-hello?" I asked, unable to keep my voice from shaking. A chuckle rose above the rhythmic clamor in my head and I allowed a small smile to grace my lips. It was familiar, something that filled my heart to the brim with a promise of dark and lingering pleasures. Of delights that I had not yet became aware of. In that moment, the lust drove everything else from my mind. I could feel the liquid heat pooling beneath my skin, my body becoming alive with it. I drew in breath after breath, trying in vain to steady my pounding heart.

"I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get you alone again. That sergeant of yours never lets you out of his sight," Ron was closer now, I could feel the warmth from his body calling to me. Enticing me with its woodsy, masculine scent that I knew I wouldn't be able to resist for very long. Still, beneath the desire for him, self-awareness reined. Though it was a very small beam of light shining amidst my lust for him, I hung onto it no matter how much my mind and my body protested to it.

"Actually, I've been avoiding him for the past two days. And you if I'm being honest," I said, my voice sounding small and helpless even to my ears. Even if I was attracted to Bill, it was nothing compared to how I felt now. I was frozen to the spot, my thoughts coming and going so fast that I was barely able to voice them past the barrier of my lips. I felt so weak, so helpless to my desire for him. I knew it was wrong, knew that it couldn't be possible to feel this much for one person. I couldn't seem to help it.

"You've been avoiding me?" He was even closer now, his fingertips grazing gently against the bare skin of my neck. I shuddered, a small moan lifting into the air as I jolted towards him. Needing more of his skin upon my own.

"Y-yes," I whispered, my eyelids shutting over my blue orbs. What was wrong with me? I felt like I was being sucked into a place where the only thing that mattered was succumbing to the beast inside. Where pleasure becomes the master and bodies the vessels. I was so close. Close enough to feel the claws digging into my throat, trying to force its way out to consume me.

"And why have you been avoiding me?" he asked the smirk he was wearing showing through the tone in his voice. I bared my throat to him, willing him to touch it. But he didn't, not just yet. He squeezed my arm, hard enough for a little bit of myself to come fluttering back. I had the good sense to know that he expected me to answer him. Still, I could hardly think past the liquid heat pooling between my legs and the desire threatening to overcome me.

"Because we-being together like this is dangerous," I muttered. The heat pulsed beneath my skin, trying to match the burning flames that were enveloping my core. I could feel his lips skimming the outline of my ear. It was so different from the way Bill had touched me. This was filled with familiarity, a sense that he knew every line of my body. Every curve, every dip in my skin. And I knew his too. It was so strange, but in that moment I wondered if he'd been having the same dreams as me. If that was the case, I should have blushed at the thought. But, I couldn't. Not past the desire warring between us, flowing like a thick wave from one body to the other. It was intoxicating, invigorating, everything and nothing all at once that filled my mouth with saliva and had me panting for air. What was this monster that was taking over me?

"This is dangerous," he muttered, his breath blowing hot against my cheek. My hands found the front of his uniform. I twisted my fingers into the rough fabric, needing to pull him closer. His lips hovered like a thought over my bare, skin. So full of beautiful and promising things that I shuddered in anticipation. Then, all of a sudden, he let go of me. I stumbled backwards, cold air filling the void where only moments ago I felt I had been burning alive. I let out a small noise of frustration.

He only stayed long enough to mutter, "But I like danger. It thrills me." And with that, he was gone. Disappeared as suddenly as if he was a ghost. My body still throbbed with want and my knees, weak to the desire that still pulsed within me, gave way. I sunk to the ground, wrapping my arms around myself. If I'd thought I lusted after him before, I knew it would be even worse now.

By the time I pulled myself up from the ground, an exhaustion had filled my bones that I had never known before. The nights I'd spent tossing and turning had worn me thin. Ron teasing me hadn't helped either. And I still felt an intense ache in my chest when I remembered the heat that continued to throb through my body. Unanswered and unrequited. I wanted to scream in frustration, anything to release it. I knew though what would do that. The idea had seared itself in my brain and I knew, even as it terrified me, that I wanted it. I'd believed that I loved him. I realized now that I'd been caught up in the whirlwind of ecstasy and need that could only be lust.

So swept up in my thoughts was I that I didn't pay attention to where I was walking. I suddenly ran into a very solid barrier. I was on the verge of falling backwards when a pair of strong hands wrapped around my waist The forced embrace pulled my chest flush against his. The heat pooled in my cheeks and hoped to God it was someone who knew. Bill, Ron, Gene. I didn't care. But I couldn't afford to have anyone else know about what and who I really was.

I opened my eyes slowly, my mouth falling open in a silent gasp when I saw who it was. Lieutenant Winters. I'd never seen before how handsome he was. But now, with only a few inches between us, I could feel it. He stared into my eyes for a few moments, seeming mesmerized by the light that caught in my blue orbs. I stared back, frozen in place. Waiting for him to realize something that more people had become wise too than I felt comfortable with. Ron and Bill were one thing. Eugene and Winters were a completely different story. And being this close wouldn't help. I knew that my face was too small, too petite to be anything but female. Not to mention the fact that my breasts, no matter how small, were pressed against his lithe frame. A few moments passed, both of us staring at each other.

Just as suddenly as I'd ran into him, he let me go. I nearly stumbled backwards, but I managed to catch myself. I planted my feet firmly on the ground, looking up into that stoic face once more. I saw then something I knew he hadn't meant me to see. A bemused frown was playing about his lips, so full of knowing that I could feel the weight of the truth weighing down on my shoulders. His eyes bored into mine and I had to look away from their intensity. Gazing adamantly at my shaking hands, I cleared my throat.

"Lieutenant Winters," I said, my voice betraying my anxiety. Here was the moment I'd unconsciously been waiting for. For one of the higher ups to find out what I really was. My day of judgment had been coming for a long time. Now that it was here, I just wanted to sink into the ground to avoid my fate. He watched me for a few more minutes. I waited in anticipatory silence while he decided what to do with his information. The fact that it was Winters, gentle Dick Winters, didn't make the situation any better. In fact, it made it worse. He was looking down at me with a disappointed look in his expression. In that moment, I would have preferred the yelling that I knew I deserved. That disappointment clenched things low in my stomach, bad things. Made me feel so guilty and full of self-depreciation that I felt sick with it.

"What have you done?" he asked me, his voice a mere whisper in my ear. I blinked, feeling frantic and slightly faint, as tears collected in my eyes. I had no idea what to say. What could you say when the story you would unfold was so impossible, so hard to believe? I felt like the walls of my secret were falling down around me and it became harder to breathe.

"Lieutenant Winters, please," I sobbed, hugging myself tightly around my middle. All the emotions I'd been keeping in tact since that first day, came plunging down on my shoulders. Through the thick cloud that hovered around me, I became aware of a hand leading me away from where we were standing. I choked down sob after sob, my lungs fit to burst from the strain of it. We came to an empty tent. Winters shut the flap and turned to me, that disappointed frown still painted on his face.

"I'll give you a minute to calm down. And then you are going to tell me how you managed to hoodwink every man in Easy Company into believing that you were really a man. Alright?" he said, his voice holding something of a cold command in it. It was distant, almost unconcerned, and it helped me to calm down. I nodded silently, and wiped at my eyes. I took a few shuddering breaths, letting the air pass through my system and silence the frantic beating of my heart and the boiling of my blood.

"You're not going to believe everything that I say, and I don't expect you to," I said as an introduction into my bizarre story.

"Just try me," he said, a roguish smile on his face. It reminded me so much of Bill that I knew I had to answer.

"Well, I don't know exactly how I got here really. I'm not from this time. I'm from 2009 and one day I went to sleep and woke up in Aldbourne. I found out from Guarnere and Roe that I had already been with you guys for two weeks. Two weeks that I don't remember. At first, it was easy to keep the fact that I was not a man from everyone. But eventually, Bill found out. Roe found out a few days ago and now you know. Hell even Ronald Speirs knows," I said, blush filling my cheeks at Ron's name falling so casually from my lips. A thrill of delight shot through me and I had to look up at Winters to cool myself down. Confusion swirled through his icy-blue eyes and I gave him a small smile. Something in his eyes shifted, a kind of astonished realization that I was telling the truth, but he knew that I couldn't be. Everything that he'd ever known about traveling through time, it was fiction. It wasn't possible, couldn't be possible.

"You said you're from 2009? How is that....how did you do it?" he asked me, reenforcing my guess that he believed it wasn't physically possible to travel back in time. I pondered it, my mind whirling and whirling into a crescendo of confusion. I shook my head, shooting him another smile. How could I answer him when I could not figure it out for myself. It was just one of the questions I left unanswered because to dwell on it would be to drive myself insane.

"Did you say Speirs?" his calm voice ran like oil through my mind. Passing quickly, not stopping for any one particular second. But when it was gone, when the silence pervaded the air, I stared up at him.

"What?"

"Did you say that Ronald Speirs knows you're a woman?" Winters repeated, his icy glare making me shudder slightly.

"Yes I did," I said, smiling wistfully as the memories of a few minutes ago flooded through my mind. And not for the first time, I wondered if I would ever be able to get rid of the urge to think about him all the time. By the swelling in my chest and the way my hands and lips trembled, I knew the answer. Yes, he would continue to haunt me. My dreams, my thoughts, everything. For the rest of my life.

Some people pass, like shooting stars through the night sky of our lives. Filling the air with a brilliance unmatched by anything before it. It is fleeting, beautiful while it lasts. And leaving us with a feeling so empty and cold that we never get over those few moments in time. Never get over that one love that made us feel so alive and complete. I had a feeling, deep in the caverns of my heart, that Ron would become my shooting star. As much as I liked Bill, as perfect as he seemed for me, he was nothing like Ron. It would take me a long time to realize that, to come to terms with my feelings for him. But the time would come, like an army come to slaughter its enemies under the cover of complete darkness.

"Right," Winters said, his voice echoing in the silence pervading the air, "There's a movie playing. Why don't you go and watch it? Keep yourself out of trouble." I nodded quickly, thinking that was the perfect distraction for me.

**Ron's POV**

I rushed as quickly as I could through the tents, trying desperately to find an empty one. I had to relieve the tension. Had to get rid of this awful, throbbing need of my body.

I'd had her in the palm of my hand, everything that she was doing revealed just how much she wanted me. All that was left now was a profound sense of loss. Even I had a hard time understanding why I had pulled away when I was so close.

Not only was there the need to touch her, to feel her pressed against the swelled front of me. But there was also simply the need to be near her. I wanted to know her every thought, her every feeling. I'd never felt this way about anyone before. I knew now that I was really losing my control over my emotions and actions. I didn't know what disturbed me more. The fact that she could bring this out in me or that I was enjoying it.

I knew myself. Knew that I was a man who thrived on control. That's why I fit in so well in the Army. And with a strong conviction, I realized then that was why I had pulled away. I had to feel that control, had to know that I could still walk away from her. It was an illusion. A false truth that I would hang onto until I was ready to confront my feelings for her head on. The deepest crevices of my heart understood the truth. That she had stolen my control, that she had consumed me so wholly mind, body, and soul that there was no way of going back.

A sudden jolting of my body against a very solid form pulled me from my thoughts as suddenly as a bucket of cold water would have. The breath was knocked from my lungs when I saw that it was Dick Winters. His icy-blue eyes pierced me intensely, making me feel as if he could see right through me.

"Speirs, you okay? You seem a little jumpy," he asked. His strong voice was laced with suspicion. Obviously, he was wondering why I was so rattled. I could in his eyes, a certain knowing. The way you look at someone when you know your darkest secrets.

"No, not jumpy, just surprised to see you out here. I thought there was a movie playing," I said, trying to steel myself against his wondering mind. I had to protect her, whatever the cost. Somehow I felt that showing him just how affected I was, I would condemn her. As much as I hated the thought of her so close to the flying bullets, I couldn't lose her now. Letting her be found out would be the quickest way to doing just that.

"Well, I've never been a big fan of movies. And I've noticed that I'm not the only one that decided to skip it," he said. He gave me a quick, knowing look before the suspicion seemed to fade from his gaze. I heaved a relieved sigh, letting a smile twist my lips. Better to pretend that I had no idea that he was trying to allude to Rebecca. It wasn't exactly a guess that he'd ran into her. It was pure instinct. Something in the way he was staring at me, the way his smile seemed tight and slightly forced, the way he held his body. Yes he'd ran into her and found something out that he shouldn't have.

"Me neither. So do you think its going to clear up soon?" I asked, surprised that the conversation flowed so easily between us. Here was a man whom I could very quickly become friends with. He was like me: someone who was often avoided. Albeit, for two very different reasons the other men stayed away from us. Dick Winters because he was dignified, an untouchable pinnacle of shining stoicism and intense strength that I knew must intimidate other men. It was that same reason that he was respected by his soldiers, not to mention trusted. Where I was simply dangerous, dark, and terrifying. I'd been marked with it from a very early age. And people had always reacted that way around me.

That made Rebecca's desire for me all the more puzzling. Oh she was scared of me alright. But in a different sense than other women had been. They could sense the danger I posed to them as if it was a smell on the air. They knew I was not to be trusted because I'd never put much stock in marriage. Or even love. Rebecca was so different. I could see in her eyes when she looked at me that she felt more than just lust. She wanted me, all of me. The bad, the ugly, the dangerous. I had to wonder just how far I could let her come, how much I could reveal to her without scaring her away. Would she run like the others? Would she leave me too? My heart ached at the thought.

"Ron?" Dick's voice startled me. I turned my eyes on him, my heart pounding suddenly in my chest. A realization, something to change the course of my future completely, was riding just under the surface of my consciousness.

"I have to go," I told him, not giving him time to protest as I hurried off in the same, random pattern that I'd taken through the thousands of tents littering the land before me. Panicked desperation seized me and I stole into the first tent I came across. Thankfully, no one was waiting inside. I slapped the flap closed and stood, faced away from the entrance. I cupped my face in my hands, ragged breaths ripping through my lungs.

I knew at once what I was trying not to face. I didn't want to lose Rebecca. I needed her like I needed the air I breathed. Without ever meaning to, without ever knowing what was happening, I'd fallen in love with her. Literally the girl of my dreams came to life. How had this happened?

**I know you guys must be sick of being out of the action, but I promise the next chapter is the last of those chapters. At least for a little while. And then we'll be back in England. :)**

**A few things: First, thank you so much to everyone who have been reading, revewing, and adding this story to their favorites and alerts. It makes me so happy that this story has gotten a lot more attention than Love Melts His Heart. I personally think this story is much better. I'll give that credit to Bill. He always makes things better. Second, just to give you guys an idea of where I am with this...I'm just about done with chapter 36. And that's on the tail end of Bastogne right before the attack on Foy. I can't wait to hear your thoughts on this chapter. Happy reading!**


	15. With Me

_In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies_

_When you don't know what you're looking to find_

_In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies_

_When you just never know what you will find_

_I don't want this moment to ever end_

_Where everything's nothing without you_

"_With Me" by Sum 41_

**Becca's POV**

I felt like an idiot for not asking Winters where the movie was playing, but when I saw a group of men leaving a tent, the sound of two people talking floated through the air to greet me. I could remember this movie from my childhood. My father had been crazy about John Wayne's movies, especially Seven Sinners. So, instead of the Disney movies other kids my age were watching on the weekends, my father and I would pop in Seven Sinners or Lady for a Night. Those had been our favorites. I missed those days, those little moments that we'd shared for so many years. Even after all this time, I still felt his death like a lead weight in the pit of my stomach. I didn't think it would ever leave. I wondered what it would feel like if in the future, I would see him. It would be strange and more than a little bizarre. But I turned away from my thoughts as someone's shoulder hit mine. I turned around, my mouth popping open as I started to yell at whoever it was to watch where they were going.

That's when I caught sight of the face of the man. Bill. His eyebrows were scrunched together in concentration. His dark eyes were unfocused and I knew then that he wasn't seeing anything at all. For a moment, I hesitated, unsure of whether or not he would want me to follow him. Something dark and uneasy was stirring in my stomach. That moment of hesitance cost me. All of a sudden, the road filled with wave upon wave of soldiers coming out of the makeshift theater. I lost sight of Bill and was swallowed up in the crowd. The conversations swirled around me, filling me with confusion.

I had to find Bill, but I didn't know where he'd gone. Desperate, I pushed my way towards the edge of the crowd. Making a decision on my fate, I just decided to wander through the tents until I found him. He needed me and I knew that I would feel awful if I didn't at least try to find him.

"Bill," I hissed, my legs moving faster and faster beneath me. The breath pulsed through me, flowing in and out of my mouth. My heart was pounding in my ears, in my shaking thighs, in my frantically searching hands. Darkness was closing in around me and I became sure that I wouldn't find him. I paused, bending over slightly as I struggled to breathe right again. That's when I heard it, the most heart-breaking sound in my memory. It was the sound of a man crying and it drove something hard and sharp through my heart and mind.

"Oh, Bill," I whispered, jogging forward when I saw him hunched over, a piece of paper crumbled in his trembling hand. I fell beside him, my thoughts fast and fleeting in my head. What was I supposed to do? How could I make his pain go away?

"Bill," I said, my voice only slightly louder than before. He didn't look up at me, but his shoulders shook even harder. Terrified, I reached for him. I threw my hands around him and he quickly hugged me right back. His arms tightened around me so much that it began to hurt. But I let him squeeze me, as if lessening his grip would make me fade away into the distance. Bill needed me and I wasn't going to let him think that I wasn't there for him. He pressed his face to my neck and I could feel his tears fall upon my bare skin. It sent a shudder up my spine when I realized that he was this close. This was so intimate that it almost frightened me how much it affected me. A small moan built up in my throat, but I didn't let it go. I wouldn't let my own feelings hinder the release of his own.

I stroked his hair, my fingers moving gently across his scalp. It was something my father used to do whenever I cried. At his intake of breath and the shudder that rolled through his body, I stopped. A few moments passed and I had no idea what to think. I could feel the muscles of his arms tensing and I wondered what his reaction would be to me.

When he pressed his indescribably soft lips against my neck, I gasped. My fingers immediately grabbed his hair, holding to me. Holding those lips to me. He ravished the column of my neck, kissing his own tears away from my skin. I tilted my head back, allowing him more access and wishing that his lips would continue their upward ascent to where I wanted him most.

"Thank you," he whispered against me, blowing goosebumps onto my skin. I nodded and he pulled back suddenly. I immediately missed the feel of him pressed against me, but I tried not to let my thoughts show on my face.

"You're welcome. So, can I ask what happened?" I asked, knowing that saying the wrong thing would probably set him off again. I'd had my fair share of sadness, had plenty of experience with how people were supposed to act around people ridden by grief. And I knew how it felt when other people didn't respect you enough to at least try and keep you from becoming upset. Professor Jacobson was only one of many people like that I'd had to deal with. Just thinking about the man sent shivers of fear racing up and down my spine. Being so long gone from my own time had not diminished the feel of him pressed against me or the strangling fear that had crept up my throat. I could still sense his blue eyes, so full of hate and malice, following me everywhere. I could still see that grin, so full of dark things. It curdled my blood, had me scrambling toward Bill again. I felt my fingers curl around the front of Bill's jacket. I couldn't understand in that moment that I needed Bill as much as he needed me. He was my rock, my support, my best friend. I didn't want anyone to take me away from him. But, as the darkness squeezed its thin fingers around us and the dawn crept nearer and nearer, our time together drew to an end.

I pulled back from him as the onslaught of emotions rose inside my chest and throat. I was choking on it, suffocating under the weight of all that had transpired between us. All the time wondering if we would ever see each other again after tomorrow. My thoughts were torn between Bill and Ron. It was only the stirrings of something more, something that would happen much later. I didn't want to lose either of them, even as I knew it was wrong. Ron and I had connected in so many ways that Bill could not even imagine. Through the leagues of time, through the years that separated us, I had come to him. Whenever he stood near me and stared into my eyes, I knew that he had dreamed of me too. I knew somehow that made him much more different from Bill. Ron had a coarseness of spirit about him, a hardness that made him both untouchable and made me want to be near all the more. His forced indifference only made him an enigma that I wanted to solve.

Yes I wanted to break through that shell to witness the man that lay beneath. I wanted to touch him, explore him in ways that I had only dreamed of. I wanted to feel the skin of his body, slick with sweat, sliding along my own as he made me his. But mostly I wanted to feel the circle of his arms close around me, wished to hear the beating of his heart under my fingertips. I wanted him mind, body, and soul. As Bill's arms came around me to hug me to his chest, that's whose arms I imagined I was in. It was unfair to Bill. I knew somehow, in the deepest parts of my heart, that no matter how many kisses we shared or how many nights we lay in each others arms it would never be anything close to the way Ron made me feel.

**June 5, 1944**

"Easy Company, assemble on the hangar. Gear up and wait for further instructions," Meehan called out to the crowd that was gathered in front of the jeep that he was standing on. The command sent a shiver of fear rolling up and down my spine. My skin felt alive with fear, with anticipation, with a persistent excitement that surprised me. Perhaps it was that my father had always wished so wistfully to experience this moment in history. And here I was, living through it first hand. It seemed so perfectly ironic, so impossible that I was frozen to the spot for a moment. Only Roe's fingers tugging on my arm woke me from my thoughts. I looked up into his face, seeing my fear reflected back at me. He was one of the men who'd been waiting for this moment for over two years.

"You ready, Smalls?" he asked me, clapping me heavily on the shoulder. I managed a weak smile, but I felt the bile rising in my throat. Bill had raced off in front of all the boys, acting as a Platoon Sergeant was supposed to act. He was leading the man toward second platoon's area. I watched him, feeling my earlier dread creeping up on me. Would we see each other after this day? Would I be killed as I plummeted to the Earth? Would I have to kill someone else?

My heart jumped at the idea, my hands began to shake, and I heard my own sharp intake of breath. All these questions and more swirled and twitched through my brain. I groaned slightly, closing my eyes off to the world. I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by this. And the worst part was that I had to go through this alone. Preparing, waiting. I couldn't hold Bill's hand through this, couldn't focus on the strength that he held behind his eyes. I would have to make this leap into the great unknown on my own as I'd had to do for the past two years of my life. My father's death I'd had to face alone, and I knew if I could get through that without breaking I could embark upon this great journey. It wouldn't be easy and I knew even in my state of ignorance that it would be bloody.

So, filled with that blind hope that I would make it through this alive if not unscathed, I turned my eyes on Eugene's. His lips turned upwards in a smile that warmed my insides. I was glad that I had at least one friendly face to help me through this.

"You ready to do this?" he asked me, his Cajun accent smoothing over my heart and my thoughts. I managed to push all of my worries, all of my nightmares to the back of my mind. I managed a small smile before I nodded at him. I followed him through the crowds of people towards where second platoon was waiting. Gene would be able to help me into my gear before making his way over to third. As we neared them, his fingers left my own. A cold void filled the space and I repressed a thick shudder from rolling up my spine. I had to keep my head, I had to stay focus. Or steeling myself from the fear would have all been in vain.

"Hey, Smalls, you okay? You look a little pale," Lipton said, clapping me on the back as I walked past him.

"Oh yeah, Lip, I'm fine. Just ready to get this jump the hell over with," I replied, my lips curving into the ghost of my smile. Lip grinned back, putting his hands behind his head as someone else helped him into his gear. I noticed that ridiculous leg bag that was strapped to him. He saw where my eyes had fallen and he laughed.

"Ain't those the stupidest things you ever saw?" he asked, his eyes lighting up with his amusement.

"I heard Welsh and Nixon telling Winters that we got the idea from the British. And if that's true, those things won't stay on for more than three seconds," I said, laughing with the rest of the guys. Luz, who was helping Joe Toye grinned up at me.

"We could always aim for the Germans when we jump out the door. This thing falling on your head at that height, it'd be quick to kill them," he said. I chuckled appreciatively, thinking how it would look to see a German have an 80-pound bag fall on his head going God only knew how many miles per hour. I visualized the snap of his neck, his body falling to the ground. Lifeless and senseless to what had happened to him, not knowing that he was dead before he even hit the ground. It filled my stomach with unease, sickened that anyone could possibly feel such animosity toward another human being. Someone they did not know, had never seen before. I guess that was just the way of the world then. Besides, I couldn't think about the families those Germans had waiting at home. Because I knew they would not think of our families, our women and children at home who were missing their soldiers. Their husbands, sons, brothers. All of them fighting for a cause that would decide the fate of the world.

Not to mention the millions of Jews and other minorities in Europe whom Hitler had slaughtered. I knew that not all of the Germans agreed with what Hitler did, but none of them moved to stop him. Not one of his people had protested against the slaughtering of millions of people for the madness of their ruler. Yes, I understood now why they wished so eagerly to kill the enemy and I knew before the war was over that I would have to join them. Join them not just for the Screaming Eagle Patch I wore upon my uniform, not just from the ideas that I shared with them. But I knew that killing one of the enemy was the ultimate sacrifice. Before this was over, one way or another, I would have to kill. Not because I wanted to, but because in war it seems almost inevitable. And running amongst them, in the midst of a battle, I couldn't see any way around it.

"You know, Luz, I like that. It could become like the Easy Company signature move. Killing Germans with leg bags," I chuckled to myself, a few of the others joining in effortlessly.

"Alright, Fields, you want me to strap you in first?" I looked up into Eugene's eyes and could see that he knew I didn't really know what I was doing when it came to putting all the gear on. At least not as well as the rest of them were. I nodded quickly, smiling despite myself. I could see the pink tinge to his cheeks as he thought about touching me when he knew I was a woman. I knew if I was in his position, I would be blushing too. I only hoped that no one asked me to help them out.

For the next few hours, we all put on our gear and then proceeded to shoot the shit. But finally the time to assemble on our own platoon hangars, some of the guys had to leave. Luz clapped us all on the backs.

"Good luck boys," he said in a voice that would have made Major Horton proud. I rolled my eyes at his retreating back.

"Yeah maybe with that smart mouth of yours, you could make the Germans laugh to death, Luz," I called after him, grinning mischievously at him as he turned around and flicked me off. Then Winters walked over. His icy blue eyes slid over each one of us, his gaze only lingering for an extra moment on me. I tried to throw him a smile, but I knew that I'd failed when I saw understanding and worry hidden in his gaze.

"Alright, guys, lets get in two lines here and here," he said quietly, holding his hands out to indicate the places he was talking about. In the confusion of everyone scrambling for a seat, a familiar hand encased my wrist. Surprised, I let out a soft gasp and looked immediately up into his face.

"Bill," I half-moaned as his thumb drew calming circles on the back of my hand. He cradled my hand, as if it were the most fragile thing in the world. In his dark eyes, I could see the gravity of our situation. I could feel that attractive pull and before I even knew what I was doing, I was leaning forward. Eagerness and slight surprise flashed across his face. As if both of us realized that we didn't have much time, he met me half way. Electric pleasure flowed along my skin from that single blessed point of contact. I sighed, wanting to touch him more. Wishing that we had the time to enjoy this. As if Bill had the same idea, his lips moved more roughly against mine. It escalated for a moment or two into the roughest kiss I'd ever had. His lips were bruising mine, but I was swept up in the panic of the moment. Then, just as quickly, he pulled away. I looked up at him, my chest heaving and my eyes wide and frantic. He smiled down at me, trying to reassure me that everything was going to be alright.

"Becca, if one of us doesn't make it through this," he began to say and I opened my mouth to talk, but he set a finger against my lips preventing me from saying anything, "Then I don't want any regrets. Becca, I feel something for you. And if you'll let me, I want to explore it. But in case we don't make it, I wanted you to know how I felt." He gave me another one of his breath-taking smiles. I knew then that what I felt for him was real. Now that he'd acknowledged it, I felt compelled to do the same. That kiss, his admonitions, all of it gave me a lot to think about. About how I really felt about him and how I would react if and when we saw each other after jumping out of that plane.

Then, my thoughts turned immediately to Ron. I couldn't understand why I did that. Why I would be thinking about Bill and then out of nowhere, I would start thinking about him again. It was like I couldn't escape him. I saw him everywhere, felt his presence like an imposing shadow following me around. As suddenly, panic filled me to the very core of my being. I hadn't seen him for two days. Like, Bill, the realization that I might not see him after this day hurt. It was something more. An ache and pain the likes of which I'd never felt before. My knees buckled beneath me and my body hit the ground with the force of my grief. The monstrous sorrow that had settled on my shoulders melted into the empty shell of my body and filled my bones. I wanted to scream out my fear, my every worry. But I forced myself to close my eyes. I imagined I was standing on the edge of some distant cliff. The wind whipping my hair in all directions. The ocean, with its waves crashing against the rocks sloping beneath me into the depths of its murky waters, spread out toward the horizon. On that far-off shore, I screamed my heart and soul to the world. I bared myself to my feelings and they filled me so profoundly that my heart began to pound with the force. My breath came in sharp, short gasps. But still, I clung to that image. It was the only thing keeping me sane and feeling the necessity of that dream upon my shoulders, I wept for the loss of my ignorance. No matter how long I denied it, no matter the amount of lies I told myself....It would never change the fact that I had fallen in love with Ronald Speirs. I had loved him before I realized what was happening to me. In those dreams, I'd seen a side to him that I knew that he saved for me. I wanted to see that side of him again. Though, I realized that the cold facade was a part of him too. Without my knowing it, I had accepted that too. If he'd shown me that part of him, and he hadn't managed to scare me away I didn't know what could. I loved him. All of him and nothing would ever change that. I'd been changed irreversibly, but I didn't know it then. Only time could tell those things and the first part of the process was about to start.

Only the sound of Winters' voice ringing out over us woke me from my waking dreams. A shudder rolled across my skin, lifted it into goosebumps that I knew were caused from more than just my startling realization. I knew I had to push those things from my mind though. For now at least. There would be time on the plane to think of them, to try and sort out the colliding thoughts in my head.

I turned my attention toward the glacial gaze that was sliding over each and every one of us with that gentle understanding I would always associate with Dick Winters.

"Second Platoon, I'm standing in front of you today not as your leader. I'm not talking to you as an officer. I'm talking to you as a fellow man. I'm proud of each and every one of you. Good luck today. God willing, we'll all see each other at the rallying point," he said, his small smile filling his eyes with a light that made me grin too. I'd always known Winters was a good man, but I'd never realized just how much until that moment. He was a leader, not just in rank, but in the nature of his character. He cared about all of us, all the men he worked with. And I knew that he, almost more than any of the other officers in Easy would strive to bring all of us home safe.

"Be safe today, and God bless you," he concluded. After that, he hauled us to our feet and then we walked toward the opening into the plane. I was the last person he came to. He gazed down at me and I couldn't help but meet his softening stare. He grabbed my hand, pulled me to my feet, and squeezed my shoulder comfortingly.

"Please don't make me regret not telling Sink about you," he muttered in my ear. His voice was so quiet that it was almost impossible to believe that he'd really said those words. In that moment, I knew that I owed him my life. My life and so much more, because in that moment something else became apparant to me. Dick Winters had truly become my friend, an ally that I was so grateful for. I nodded, smiling as I stood on the tips of my boots and pressed my lips to his newly-shaven cheek. I felt the gentle brush of my lips against the warmth of his skin and chuckled to myself.

"Thank you so much," I whispered, my voice filling with thick, unshed tears, "You won't regret this. I promise." I stepped back away from him and chuckled at the heat that was pooling in the apples of his cheeks. He tried to glare at me, but his gaze was too soft. His eyes were too full of a kind of protective light. I didn't let myself be swayed too much by those eyes. I turned around, brushed gently past him and joined the queue to get in the plane. The men in front of me, because of the weight of the gear we were forced to carry around were being shoved and pulled through the entrance. Hands were everywhere and I knew that I would soon be touched in places that any female would have found insulting. Of course, they'd never been the subject of Luz's game of grab-fanny while we were doing formation marches. I thanked him silently in my head when it became my time to climb forward. I marveled at the fact that I was carrying almost as much as gear as the rest of them and I could even still move. I stepped up to the entrance and with the help of the guy at the door and the men just inside, I was pulled into the crowded C-47. I made my way down, looking for one of the last empty seats. Luckily, mine was not next to Bill's. He was watching me with a hunger lighting up his faces. I couldn't say that it made me uncomfortable, because that would have been a lie. In fact, it was twisting things low in my body. However, I was still stewing over the fact that I was in love with Ron. The only thing that indicated that I'd misunderstood my feelings this time was that I wasn't questioning it. It had ingrained itself in my mind, in my thoughts, forever. I didn't have to second-guess myself since I knew it was true. As true as anything I'd ever felt or thought.

Still, as the engines of the plane roared to life and I settled back in my seat, I had to wonder. Was my heart big enough for two loves? Would I be able to push Bill away if he wanted more from me? I guess the more important question would have been did I want to push him away?

**Ron's POV**

I stood a little off to the side of my platoon, watching their anxious eyes taking in everything and everyone around them. I could see on their faces that they weren't scared, not exactly. It was more a feeling of collective anticipation. We had been trained for this. We knew what to do, we'd all memorized those sand tables. And we'd been waiting for this moment, for this day, for over two years. Now that it was time, it was almost too amazing to believe.

To distract myself from looking at them, I turned my head slightly to the left. I knew at once that it had been one of the greatest mistakes of my life. My body tensed immediately. The sight greeting my eyes was completely interrupted and I knew somehow that this was some sick joke. Someone, somewhere, was looking down on me and laughing.

All around the tightly entwined bodies, men moved. Scrambling to find seats. They didn't seem to notice. Her fingers were wrapped in the front of his uniform, then holding his head, then threaded into his hair. The changes were almost instantaneous. And as the seconds passed, her petite body pressed itself closer to his. Jealousy flared within me when he held her tightly to him. It was obvious he was enjoying himself. His pants seemed to become uncomfortably tight and a look of such lustful need passed through his gaze as he pulled away from her. They were both breathing heavily. Her chest brushed gently against his and the smile on her face was breathtaking. It made me forget for a moment what I was seeing, made me forget the jealousy and my fury. That one smile seemed to settle the world on its axis. I heaved a sigh, feeling the peace of that moment passing over me as quickly as it had come. All that was left was a blind hatred for the man standing beside her. Did he even realize how precious a thing he held in the palm of his hand? Did he truly know the gift he'd been allowed in kissing her?

Now it was not just jealousy and hatred that filled my soul, but also a sorrow such as I had never known. It had been two days. Two long, lonely days that had made my body ache with unsatisfied need for her. Her soothing presence, her heat to stoke the fires of my own. I was incensed by the taste of her in my mouth, by the scent of her neck tickling my nose, and the feel of her indescribably soft skin pressed against the palms of my hands. A low moan made its way up my throat before I could stop it.

I watched her, like a cat would watch a canary, as she sank shakily to the ground. The sergeant kept shooting furtive glances at her, his eyes raking over her hungrily and with worry. She was staring off into the distance as if she wasn't even here. Her mind was very far away, in a place untouchable by anyone else. The blank, wistful, look on her face scared me. Mostly because it mirrored the way that I was beginning to feel. A realization spread like the opening of a flower in her eyes. The smile curled her lips. It was a smile of knowing and when she turned her head only slightly, her eyes met mine. I couldn't stop the gasp from wrenching itself from my lungs. That look took my breath away, sent my mind reeling, and filled me with such an intense need.

My feet seemed to move of their accord, carrying me through the distance between us. And the fingers of my soul reached out to her. Stroked something that twisted things low in my body. I closed my eyes, willing the love, need, and wanting of her to flow through my soul to her own. I'd never wanted a woman to feel exactly how I felt about her more than in this moment. Mostly because I had never felt a need to. I fed on control. To be so in control of yourself is to close your heart to the company of other people, women especially. They were the bane of the strongest men in the world. Up until the dreams had begun and she had become my every thought and feeling, I had been good at keeping them from me for anything but to satisfy my baser male needs. I'd thought then that it was only for the purpose of keeping my control on a short leash. Now, I believed something different. Now I believed that I had only been waiting for her. I had been waiting for her to come to me to relinquish that control. Because now that I had done that. Now that I had let her into my heart and soul, I did not mourn the loss of that control. I had committed myself to her. I knew that she was mine, had to be mine. All that was left for me to do was show her that I was the better man. I had to show her that I could be everything for her. I just didn't know how and that more than anything else terrified me.

**Yet another drama filled, angsty filler chapter before the much more exciting event of D-Day. I promised you guys some fast updates up until they got into battle. So, here I am posting 15 three days after chapter 14. I really hope you guys like this one and I know I can't say it enough...but thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has been reading and reviewing as well as adding this story to their alerts and favorites. I can only hope that this chapter will inspire some more of my wonderful readers to do that. *wink, wink***

**And thank you to captain ty, my unofficial beta. She's been truly amazing throughout the writing of this story and without her, I don't know what I would have done. **

**Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect toward the real men of Easy Company. This story is the workings of a very avid fangirl and the only things I own are my OCs and any original plot not previously recognized. **


	16. Savior

_I'm a bit of a manic _

_When it's not as I plan it_

_Cause I start losing my head_

_And then I get up in a panic_

"_Savior" by Lights_

**A/N: This song is the one that inspired the title for this fic. Just thought I should let everyone know that little fun fact. :D Happy reading!**

**Becca's POV**

My heart started to pound and heat filled me as we sailed higher and higher into the darkening sky. All around me, there was a humming silence. The kind that made my teeth chatter and my hands shake. I searched for something, anything, to help distract me. So, I did the only thing I could do. I turned my eyes upward. Looking by the eerie, red light for those two dark eyes that I knew had been glued to my own for the better part of an hour. I knew it was wrong, to want to look at him like this. I knew it wasn't safe. But, I had to look at him. Bill was the only thing keeping me grounded. As strongly as I felt for Ron, as much as I could admit that he'd stolen my heart, he wasn't here.

I wished he were. To encase me in the strong circle of his arms. To hold me as tightly as he could against his chest until there was no space between us, not even for a breath of wind to flow through. I wanted to feel his lips upon my body as I'd never allowed a man to touch it. I blinked slowly, rising my eyes ever higher until they met his. What I saw there had me leaning back in my seat. The need to get away from that was nearly overpowering. There was hunger there. A lust so defined and manic that I couldn't meet his gaze again. One moment had been enough and now I couldn't breathe past the lump in my throat. Not only was there a need in his eyes, there was also a hope. Of what I didn't know for sure. That I felt the same thing for him? That I wanted him as much as he seemed to want me?

I wondered now how I could tell him that I'd already given my heart to someone else. And to tell him that it was Ronald Speirs? I'd met few men in Easy Company who were not scared of Ron. Bill was one of them. That opened up a whole new set of problems. Bill was a Sergeant, Ron a Lieutenant. What would happen when the two of them finally did become aware of each other? What would happen when they came to blows over me? It terrified me that I couldn't think of an answer. I knew enough about the both of them that neither would back down from a fight. They were both the most stubborn men I'd ever met in my life. I would not, could not, let the two of them fight over me. The reality was that the two of them were just finding in me something that they'd craved for two years: the touch of a woman. Any woman. They would have acted this way with any woman here.

The forbidden nature of our relationship also must have been exciting. I knew that it was just that for me. The thought of either of them taking me against a wall where at any moment we could be caught added an edge of danger that twisted things low in my body and made a soft moan fall from my lips. In that moment, I was very glad of the wind whistling in our ears from the open entrance of the plane. Opening my eyes, the heat pooling between my legs like a second heartbeat, I turned my head toward where Winters had been sitting for the past few hours. Not once had he moved and I had to wonder what he was thinking. It must have been what was going through all of our heads. This might be the last few hours of lives and none of us had any way of knowing. It was a terrifying thing to behold and the fear hadn't formed fully in my mind before the shells began to fly towards us through the air. In the darkness outside, I could see the outlines of the other thousands of planes that were being traced by the light from the shell bursts and the machine gun fire.

This time when knots were formed in my stomach, it was not from lust. It was pure, and unshakable fear. My body tensed for the jump, my mind whirring with the force of trying to remember all that Bill had told me about directing my chute so that I didn't land anywhere in the open. Or in a tree or body of water. I shuddered, my body convulsing despite the pounds and pounds of gear that had been strapped to me. My life seemed to flash before my eyes. And in those few minutes, I found solace. I realized that if I did die, at least I would be able to join my father. I missed him so much, even when the threat of death was so close. In fact, that only seemed to intensify it. If this night, I was reunited with my father, I would be okay. In his arms, I had never felt anything other than safe. But of course, I had Bill now. Ron, too, if he'd only let me in. I loved both of them, in different ways, but I knew that I didn't want to lose them. So staying in this life was my only option. When I was meant to see my father again, I would. For now, I had to get out of this alive. It was at that moment that the light turned from deep, blood red to a bright yellow. It made me sick to look at it.

Winters glanced up at that light. I saw the worry and the fear cross over his features. Just as quickly, he wiped it from his face. Fear was a contagious thing. Especially in those dire moments where one wrong move, one wrong thing that you said, would push someone over the edge. He had to be strong, a pillar of stoic strength to give us all the courage to jump out of this plane. Even as he stood up, we were all jostled as the metal frame shuddered with the effort of staying airborne. A firmness came over him as he motioned for us to stand up and hook up. We all did as we were told and as luck would have it, I was smashed between Guarnere and Donald Malarkey. My pulse jumped against my neck when I felt Guarnere's hot breath blowing against the back of my bare neck. I shivered, my knees buckling slightly as I half-fell back into him. He chuckled, the sound hoarse to my ears. He pressed himself more firmly against my back, his lips tracing the outside of my ear. I bit my lip to keep from crying out. I leaned into the touch, wishing more of his skin was touching me. I needed to feel more of him against him. As if he could hear my thoughts, his hands skimmed my waist, down my thighs, to rest themselves against the backs of my own hands. He squeezed them once. The action was comforting and reassuring. Somehow, in that moment, I knew that tonight was not our moment to be wrapped in death's embrace.

"Equipment check!" Winters' voice echoed through the plane. I could barely hear him over the explosions, over the wind, over the pounding of my heart in my ears. But I did hear him and I was so glad that Bill had chosen to push me in front of him. I knew the rest of the guys had no idea that I was a woman, but it didn't change the fact that I didn't want any of them touching my ass. In fact, I wondered if Bill had the same idea. Instead of focusing on the way his hands were pressing hard and firm against my body as he checked me, I checked Malarkey's equipment. I blushed as my fingers skimmed accidentally over his butt. It was only made worse when he turned around, a mischievous grin curving his lips skywards.

"What's wrong, Smalls? Shy?" he said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. He didn't wait to hear my reply, just turned around again. I was glad of that, because I didn't have anything to say at all. I was too embarrassed. I ducked my head, heat flaming in my cheeks. Bill was having none of that. His hands tightened on my shoulders and he pulled me back against him. His lips were tickling the back of my neck.

"You can't get embarrassed, woman. Just don't think about it," he said, then planted a small and scorching kiss on my skin. I shuddered in his grasp just as he called out that I was all okay. Bucking my courage, I patted Malarkey's arm and yelled that he was okay too. Then, my moment in the spot light passed. The yells moved slowly and steadily away from me. The beating of my heart started to slow and my breathing became more normal. I relaxed in Bill's grip. Even though my body was calming down, my mind was going a mile a minute. I could feel the beginnings of a headache on the edge of my vision. My eyes stayed glued to the light over Winters' head. We were all standing, waiting for the call to jump. Waited as if our lives depended on it, which in a way it did. I held my breath, counting the seconds that ticked by like drops of water falling into a metal sink.

Finally, after the darkness that had filled my vision, the green light flashed into existence and sent my fear skyrocketing again. I sucked in a breath and had the urge to turn around and throw my arms around Bill. I resisted, focusing on that fear. I had to harness it, had to let that adrenaline coursing through my veins spur me toward that door. The line was moving up and I was the fifth person. I didn't focus on that. I tried to keep it in my mind that after all this was done, I would see Ron and Bill again. I would see all the friends that I had made in these few short months. That was what I held onto and what I thought of as the cold wind whipped at my face and hair like thousands of tiny needles. I shuddered in the force of that wind. I could feel Bill's body behind me, a shield to the safety of the inside of the plane.

The last thing that flashed through my mind before I let the coldness and the darkness take me was that I wanted nothing more than to turn around and jump into those arms. But I wanted Ron there too. Wanted him so badly that it tightened my chest and made me cry out in pain. It overrode my fear enough that I stepped out of the door and was taken away amidst the falling paratroopers, the machine gun fire, and the fiery explosions.

**Ron's POV**

The fear choking me was not for myself. In fact, I wasn't thinking about my own safety at all as I plummeted toward the ground. All I could focus on was Rebecca. I was suddenly regretting allowing her to stay. A thousand different scenarios chased each other in my head, all of them resulting in her death. I didn't know what I would do if she died.

It would be my fault. All my fault for not telling anyone about it. It didn't matter that her sergeant knew, not to mention Winters. If something happened to her, I would blame myself. I'd known the longest, or at least suspected, for the longest amount of time. And besides that, I didn't know if I would survive it. That last thought surprised me. I knew I was in love with her. As much as it terrified me that I had lost that much control, I knew with all my heart that I really had fallen head over heels for her. Losing her now would destroy everything, would destroy me. Impossible, perhaps, to feel so strongly for one person in such a short span of time. But I knew, somehow, that the connection between us had been laying dormant for a long time. For longer than I had been dreaming about her, of that I was certain. Later I would have to ask her about it. But for now, I couldn't think so far into the future. If she didn't make it to tomorrow, then how could I ever make plans again?

The doubt flowed through my body, made me regret pulling away from her. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have ever cared about losing my control when I'd never had it when it came to her? I realized with a conviction that caused my fingers to slip slightly from the cords in my hands. Panic seized me momentarily, then I tightened my hold on the cords and my heartbeat slowed. I'd discovered that I'd never had control, I'd relinquished it when I let her night after night into my dreams.

That brought about another set of questions as my legs slammed into the ground. All my focus turned towards being a soldier and doing my duty. Having my attention divided between what I was supposed to be doing and my thoughts of Rebecca would only get me killed. I wanted to see her one last time before that happened.

I rolled in the dirt, my body becoming entangled in the billowing white canopy of my parachute. I threw it off me quickly, discarding it as I took off my harness. My fingers searched the ground for my gun. Something hard and metallic glinted out of the corner of my eye in the thickening darkness. I grabbed for it, the knots in my stomach loosening slightly when I held the gun in my hands. With the bare metal cold and real in my grip, I couldn't help but feel safer. Of course, thoughts of how scared and alone Rebecca must be came rushing back in a panic. It rolled inside me, issuing up though my chest to form a lump in my throat. The only way I could think to rid myself of thoughts of her would be to move.

I settled back on my heels, looking cautiously around for any sounds of another person. The night air filled my eyes and nothing but the distant machine gun fire filled my ears. I smiled, something that felt off under the circumstances, but it seemed right all the same. I'd been training for this for two years now. This was what I'd been waiting to do ever since I joined the 101st. In that moment, I knew this was where I was meant to be. I was one of the lucky few, a born soldier, and for that I had every confidence that I would make it through the war. With those thoughts in my mind, I held my rifle more tightly in my hands and began my long walk onward in the darkness. I walked forward, the scent of death and blood thick in my nostrils. Stumbling across a gruesome scene, I had to keep myself from crying out. It was one of the officers in my company. He wasn't someone I knew well, but he was married. He had come from Michigan and his entire family had supported him in his decision to join the Army. The man was one of the few who got letters nearly every day, from various people, but mostly from his wife and his three daughters. I had to admit, I had been jealous of him. Now, I bent to retrieve his dog tags with a somber frown on my face. I wouldn't envy my commander having to write the letter home to his family to notify them of their son's death. Imagining how heart-broken they would all be, I wondered again how I would feel if...

The thought was cut short when I heard someone moving around not too far from me. Without hesitation, I called "flash" and was not answered. The movement stopped and I knew then it was not one of my own.

"Flash," I called again, just to be sure. My heart had climbed into my throat and was pounding on the side of my neck, trying desperately to escape the prison of my skin. I wasn't afraid exactly, but I couldn't help but think that if anyone as good as the man behind me could be killed, then anyone could. In reply, I heard the man say something that sounded distinctly like German. I swung up my rifle, seeing the outline of him in the dim light, and fired as if on instinct. I could hear everything. The sound of the bullet slicing through the air on its way toward its intended target. The tearing of his uniform, his flesh. I smiled, wickedly, when I saw his form crumble to the ground. His cry of pain rang in my ears and I knew that even as I perversely enjoyed the noise in that moment, one day it would come back to haunt me. I would never forget any of the men I killed, because that is one thing that will taint the soul forever. I was glad that I couldn't see his face. That would just make the visions all the more vivid. I bent towards him, stuck my gun to his forehead, and fired my rifle twice. Blood sprayed from the wound as his lifeless body fell backwards. A cold feeling filled me through to the bone, a numbness the likes of which I had never known. I focused all my energy on that coldness. I knew that was what would get me through this maddening war, what would allow me to keep my sanity.

Feeling very much the role of the ruthless killer, I stood up again and made my way forward. I looked, almost frantically, for any landmarks. Signs, railroads, bodies of water. I'd memorized the sand tables and maps as anyone in the invasions. So if I could just get one clue, I would know where to go.

After wandering aimlessly through the French countryside for what felt like hours, I stumbled across a railroad. Grinning, I started to follow the tracks. I heard a group of people moving in the woods and I wasn't smiling anymore. I hunkered down, pointing my rifle at the place where they would appear out of the trees.

"Flash," I called loud enough for them to hear me. I heard one of them breathe a sigh of relief before he replied with, "Thunder." When the group materialized before my eyes, I stood up and lowered my weapon. I'd recognized the voice. He was from Dog, a private that I'd only talked to once.

"Private Davids, fancy seeing you here," I said, my voice thick with amusement. The private in question froze in place upon hearing me talk, as did the rest of the group around him. Among the group there were several of Easy's men, their eyes taking me in terrified silence. I resisted the urge to laugh at them. I'd earned my reputation in 2nd Battalion as a ruthless killer. Perhaps I was, given the way I'd killed my first Kraut, but there was something beneath that too. I wasn't above feeling emotions. I knew that all too well, especially in reference to a certain ebony-haired woman.

"Hello, sir," Davids voice broke through my thoughts. I turned my attention back on them. They all still looked shocked, but I could see that they weren't as terrified as they had been of me.

"Alright, there's a railroad that travels through the rallying point. I'm pretty sure this is the one. So, let's move," I said and I didn't expect argument. Thankfully, I didn't receive any either. We all moved as quietly as the ground would allow, waiting and watching for the enemy. My heartbeat was pounding again and my mouth had gone dry in my anticipation. All of my muscles were coiled tight, prepared to pounce into action with the flicker of a thought. Even as my body got ready for an inevitable fight, my mind flashed back and forth to Rebecca. It seemed I couldn't stop thinking about her, not when there was a very real possibility...I cut myself off there. Wondering if she was gone from this world would not help me concentrate. So, instead, I focused on how I would feel when I saw her again. Her clear, blue eyes and her short, ebony hair. Her petite, feminine features. I didn't know how anyone could ever mistake her for a man. My body grew hard and taught with the thought of kissing those full, pink lips again. And running my fingers through her growing curls.

"Sir?" I growled when one of the privates from Easy interrupted my wondering.

"What?" I turned my head to see him, and he pointed at a point ahead of us. Surprised that I'd been so caught up in my thoughts, I focused again on the tracks before us. My ears perked at the sound of Germans talking among themselves.

"We got a translator with us?" I asked in a soft whisper. I knew they would be able to hear me.

"I spoke a little German in high school, sir," someone said behind me. Without looking behind me, I waved my arm for him to join him. He was nearly silent as he moved upward and crouched beside me. A look of concentration came over his face and a frown came over his face.

"They're talking about a woman that one of them..." he trailed away, horror freezing his features.

"What?" I said impatiently. A cold fear was creeping up my spine. A woman? Out here? It couldn't be her.

"That one of them screwed, sir. One of them asked if she was any good and the man is telling him that she was until she cut him across the face."

"What did he do to her for that?" I asked, my voice hoarse and thick with restraint. It took all of my concentration not to jump to conclusions, but the thought of another man-a German no less-spilling his seed within her body threatened to bring me to my knees. So, I imagined that it was someone else or that he was lying through his teeth. The Germans truly were a sickening bunch and it made the anger flare within me again.

"Alright, well, that sick son of a bitch doesn't deserve to die. It sounds like we've got them outnumbered by three men. So, let's go get 'em, boys. If any of them try to resist, kill them," I ordered them in a harsh whisper that made them all glance at each other. I moved forward first, my gun poised at the ready. With every breath I took, I could feel my chest getting tighter and tighter. With fury that he would dare talk about her like he was. I shook my head. I was jumping to conclusions again. But I couldn't seem to help it.

I didn't give a signal, but we all seemed to know when to strike at them at the same moment. We stepped into the clearing, holding our rifles at the men. I could tell at once the man who had been speaking to the others. He was tall, almost as tall as me. And his bright blue eyes and sandy blond hair singled him out for the Aryan bastard he was. I could see where his arm had been sliced open and the cuts along his face were still oozing fresh blood. The sight filled me with a disgust that crawled into the very essence of my soul. Oh how I wanted to wrap my fingers around this man's neck and squeeze there until his windpipe broke. I wanted to watch the light fill his eyes. All for touching Rebecca. I could smell her in the wind, that scent that reminded me so much of a crisp fall day. And it filled me with rage, wave after wave of the emotion licking the flames already in my heart.

I stalked toward him and his eyes began to grow wide. I reveled in the fear I saw. He was terrified of me and not as good as some other men from hiding it from me. I could see his lips quivering and I had to use all my will-power to hold back my laughter. Along with the anger came pride and admiration that she'd at least been able to hurt him before he did anything to her. _If _she'd managed to do that, which for her sake I hoped she had. Only seeing her, holding her against me, would make me sure that she hadn't been harmed in that way. Finally, my fingers encircled his wrist. It was a ring of bones that I could easily snap. I felt that power rise within me and fill me to the top. Then, I glanced up and stared into those dead blue eyes. I bent so close now that the smell of her filled my nostrils and made my mouth water. This was my chance to show him and the others what would happen if anyone touched her again.

"If you did anything to her that would break her, I will break every bone in your body. Starting with that pathetic excuse of manhood between your legs," I said low enough for only him to hear. But I could feel the way he tensed immediately and knew that it had been all he'd needed. He leaned away from me, as far as I would allow him with my fingers still wrapped around his wrist.

"I didn't do anything," he said, in a voice thick with the evidence of his German heritage. In that moment, my muscles tensed. With the heat in his words, with the knowledge that he had the nerve to lie here to my face when she could be lying somewhere in a ball. A bloody mess for someone to pass by without a backward glance. The hatred I felt for myself, for allowing her to jump into this fight where she had no business just because of my own selfish needs, came roaring back with a vengeance. It encompassed my every thought, my every feeling, for a minute that seemed to stretch into infinity. The flames that threatened to engulf me grew ever higher, but still they stayed just under the surface of my skin. And slowly, breathing in and out through my nose, I came back to myself. I threw the man on the ground, enjoying the cry of pain I heard.

"Someone grab this piece of shit so we can get to the rallying point," I said before making my way back towards the railroad. I didn't wait to see if they would follow me, because somehow I knew they would have listened to me no matter what I said. I didn't know if I should feel proud of myself that I was able to intimidate them so easily or if I should be worried that maybe that wasn't all there was to leading men in war.

**Becca's POV**

The fall towards the Earth was something from out of a dream. My heart began to slow as I floated weightlessly toward the ground. I looked around, my eyes taking in the sights of war and for once, I was all alone in this strange place. It hit me then that I would never have traded this experience for anything in the world. I had found more acceptance, more friends than I ever had in my own time. Something had settled within me that I could not name when I came here. That searching feeling within my breast that had never seemed to go away no matter what I did. Now, it was gone completely. As if this was exactly where I was meant to be. I wondered if my entire life, even the bad parts, were just a build-up to me traveling in time. I hadn't believed in destiny when I was younger, but now I did. That was the only explanation I had for being here when it seemed so impossible.

My happy wonderings were ripped away as soon as I hit the ground. Somehow, my ankle got twisted beneath me and a sharp, biting pain shot up my leg. A loud gasp of pain blew out of my mouth in a rush before I could stop it. I clutched at my ankle even as I heard sounds off to my left. My heart beat jumped into my throat, making it nearly impossible to breathe. I managed a soft sigh before I reached up to undo the parachute at my back so that I could get moving. Even with a twisted ankle, I could get away from whoever was over there. I knew, somehow, they weren't friends. My fingers were shaking as I searched the ground around me for my medical bag. I had a knife hidden in there, just like all the other medics. My grasping fingers found the soft material of the bag handle a few feet away. I pulled it to me, letting out a shuddering breath. It was my only hold on them, Ron and Bill. If I ever had a chance to see them again, then I had to get through this. And I would only get through it if I had a way of defending myself.

Determinedly, I hoisted the bag over my shoulder and made to stand up. My ankle, the one I had twisted beneath my body, protested adamantly. I gritted my teeth, but I knew that I had to get up. So, I did, trying desperately to ignore the pain. Shaking as I realized just how cold the night air was, I moved forward. More rustling whispered through the forest and my breath hitched. A lump formed in my throat, making it impossible to cry out or anything. Terrified and desperate, I limped faster towards the looming forest. In their dark depths, I would better be able to hide myself if they came after me. Here in the open, I had no chance. I didn't know how many of them there were, I didn't know if they were Krauts or fellow paratroopers. I felt a strangled cry working their way through the cracks in my lungs. I just wanted to curl myself into a ball and cry, the enemy finding me be damned. The only people who stopped me from doing that were Ron and Bill.

I tried to turn my thoughts to them as I continued on, the leaves of the trees tickling my cheeks and helmet. My mind didn't seem to cooperate. It was hyper actively aware of every noise, ever sight and I knew I was beyond focused. Almost to the point that it pained me, but I knew staying focused and aware were more important in trying not to think about what was going on around me.

The hours seemed to stretch on as I searched desperately for anything to point me in the direction of Sainte Marie du-Mont. I'd studied the sand tables, almost more than Lieutenant Lewis Nixon, who was our Battalion intelligence officer. He'd had to know everything, every last detail. And I'd been almost as determined to learn everything there was to know about the area. Without landmarks I had no idea where I was, nothing to go off of. So, I moved forward aimlessly, hoping against hope that I would be able to find something soon. I knew I was getting closer and closer to the fighting. Where before there had been only the sounds of the crickets orchestrating their night melodies and the owls calling to each other, machine gun fire and screaming had replaced them. I cringed away from those noises, but I knew it was my only hope of finding Easy again. And as much as I missed Bill and Ron, I misses the others too. Malarkey, Winters, Luz, Lipton, Roe...All of the men who'd, whether they knew it or not, had made their way into my heart. I couldn't imagine how I would react if any of them had been killed. My breath caught in my lungs and my chest heaved as the panic really set in. I'd only been with the men since January. It made no sense that I had bonded so closely with all of them, which I hadn't. But I could see all their faces clearly in my mind and it was like driving a stake through my heart thinking about any of them gone from this world.

My thoughts halted, the world stood still, as two men stepped into the clearing I suddenly found myself in. And there it was, what I had wanted not so many hours ago, but what had caught up to me eventually. My mind had wandered, presenting the perfect opportunity for someone to sneak up on me. As my eyes adjusted to my surroundings, my heart pounded like a gong trapped in my chest. My fingers, on instinct, dove into my bag and grabbed the hilt of my knife. I whipped it out, the silver blade glinting off of the lights that set the sky on fire. The two men froze, seeing the light, and stared at me. Several moments passed in pained silence. One of them I might have had a chance to fight off, but two? At the same time? I felt faint. I knew there was no use in it, but I had to try. Tear clouded my eyes and my legs threatened to give way, but I gripped the handle of the knife more firmly in my hand and turned my body toward them. One of the men was looking at me with curiosity, the other with a sinister leer. He would be the one to look out for and it was obvious from the way they were standing that he was the leader of the two.

"And who are you? One of those damned Americans who've been dropping from the sky all night?" he asked me, his voice thick because of his German accent. I didn't say anything, just watched him as I thought about what he would do next. The other one was watching us, as if he was unsure of what we were saying. I realized then that he couldn't understand what we were saying. Our eyes connected and I pleaded with him with my eyes. A cold, hard chuckle resounded against the trees. The sound filled me with dread. It rolled up and down my spine, making me cold all over.

"He won't save you," the German said in that thick accent of his. I closed my eyes, letting the tears drip down my cheeks. I could hear him getting closer and I felt so helpless, so feminine under his calculating gaze. I wanted to be anywhere but here, and I was reminded of how foolish I had been to think that I wouldn't run into any of the enemy. When a pair of hands tightened around my upper arms, I jerked suddenly away. My body came to life and I struggled as hard and as fast as I could manage. My chest heaved and I glanced up into the man's face to see that he was grinning down at me. I couldn't tell what was behind his eyes but I struck out at him with the blade of the knife, not wishing to find out what he had planned for me. I could feel the evil thoughts rolling off of his body, flowing into me like a poison.

"Leave me alone," I yelled, my heart thumping erratically against my ribs. Anger flashed in those eyes and he did not hesitate in throwing me to the ground. He followed me, his body landing on mine and knocking the air out of me. Spots appeared in my vision and I scrambled to get free of his pressing weight. He grabbed the hand that had the knife entrapped within its grasp. He wrenched it above my head, pressing down as hard as he could. My other hand was free though. I lashed at him, my nails grabbed at everything, the tearing of his flesh filling my ears and making me dry heave. His blood flowed down his cheeks and the growl that rumbled through his chest made me shudder.

"You little bitch!" he screeched. I stared up at him, wide-eyed. I'd never heard a voice so inhuman, so high-pitched before. Not only that, he knew I was a woman.

"Oh yes, I know. So, how did you get them to let you stay? Did you whore it out to all of them?" he asked me, his foul breath rolling over me and making my stomach twist with nausea. Those dark eyes bored into mine and I could see the insanity fighting to take hold of him. I let the words he'd said to me sink in. I let them drip lower and lower until they were quivering in my bones. I could feel the rage and fear bubbling up within me until they were boiling just beneath the surface of my skin, waiting to be unleashed and begging to unfurl their grasping fingers on this pathetic excuse for a man. Inch for inch, I let the anger out until finally I could keep it at bay no longer.

With a strength I never could have mustered in other circumstances my leg drove hard and ruthlessly into his groin. I twisted, enjoying the strangled scream that ripped up his throat. I wrenched my hand with the knife in it free and slashed at him, feeling satisfied when I felt the blade meet his skin. While he writhed on the ground, hurting from the kick to his groin and the cut now spurting blood from his forearm, I rolled away from him and jumped to my feet. Pure adrenaline drove me onward. I ran and ran until I didn't think that I could go any more. But still, my legs moved beneath me. The hours passed me by while I walked, guided by something that I would never ever understand. And as if in a daze, I realized suddenly that the sky was beginning to lighten. Not just from the explosions and the racing fires, but because the sun was starting to rise. With the rising of the sun, I also noticed that I was on the outskirts of a town. I glanced around, my head pounding from the sudden awareness of my surroundings. A sign a few feet away caught my eye. The wood was made of what looked like mahogany and the black lettering was hard to decipher from even this short distance. I walked closer, bending my head slightly to get a better look. There in front of me were the words that I had been looking for all night. I'd finally gotten to the rallying point, Sainte Marie du-Mont.

I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream for joy. But I bit down the happiness, the laughter, the tears and continued to walk forward until I found the make-shift aid station. It was small, but I knew it would do. Seeing it, my body felt weak and so very tired.

I entered through the open-door and sat down on the nearest bed. I could close my eyes for a few minutes. Eugene would find me soon enough and then he could bandage me up. For now, though, my eyelids drooped over my eyes and I smiled the first true smile since the jump when I saw the familiar figure approaching my bed. My last conscious thought was exhilaration that at least he had survived. And he was here, by my side, grasping my hand between two of us as if his life depended on it.

**Yeah so I can officially say that Becca kicks ass. Or should I say she kicks groin? Either way, I loved this chapter. It's been one of my favorites and I really hope you love it too. Enough to possibly maybe click that little button below this A/N so that you'll review...**

**Any suggestions for improvements or whatever's on your mind would be greatly appreciated. Can't wait to hear everyone's thoughts. And before I go, thank you SO MUCH to captain ty whose become my unofficial beta for this story. She's amazing and without her who knows where this story would be. Thank you also to everyone whose been reading, reviewing, and adding this story to their alerts and favorites. I can't say enough how much it means to me and how happy it makes me. :) Shoot and don't forget that if you ever get curious as to how I'm doing as far as this story goes, go check out my profile. I try to update the section of my profile titled "In the Works" every day if not every couple of days. **

**The usual disclaimer applies. The only things I own are any OCs and any plot you don't already recognize. **


	17. It's Your Love

_I just gotta let you know_

_What it is that won't let me go_

_It's your love_

_It just does something to me_

_It sends a shock right through me_

_I can't get enough_

"_It's Your Love" by Tim Mcgraw and Faith Hill_

**Ron's POV**

The growl that ripped through my throat was filled with so many things. Hurt, guilt, jealousy, rage. I hadn't known that I could ever feel so many things at one time and still be alive. It felt like my chest was slowly being pulled apart, my bloody heart and cracked ribs poking at it through the gorged hole that was once my flesh and bones.

But at the same time, relief and unparalleled joy filled me to the brim. How could I be so miserable when she had made it? How could I begrudge the sergeant from touching her when I wanted to do it so badly myself? The nails of my hands dug into my flesh, drawing blood. I would have to come back so that they could see to that.

My attention zeroed in on them again when I saw her move. A quick sigh escaped my lips in a breath I didn't know I had been holding. She sat up, her bright blue eyes still glassy from sleep. She looked so beautiful. It made my chest ache with anticipation to get her alone again. I wanted to make sure she knew just how scared I had been of losing her, of never seeing her perfect face again. My fingers wanted to wound themselves in her hair, which was growing out slightly. Some of the soft saves were caressing her earlobe even now. I wanted to kiss her full, pink lips until our chests were left heaving for air. I wanted to tell her the words I had been keeping inside in the hopes that she would feel it too.

For now, I could do none of those things and watching another man hold her in such a way when I couldn't threatened to bring down all my defenses. I wanted so badly to show her that I was the better man for her, but it wasn't the time. So, I had no choice but to leave. I turned on my heel, my entire being screaming to go back to her. Every fiber, every muscle, every nerve burned for her and I had to blink back my confusion as I walked away.

That's when I realized that she was my ultimate weakness. Rebecca was the thing that would make me fall to my knees, make me want to betray everything that I had ever believed just to be with her. And if there had ever been a doubt in my mind as to how I felt about her, I knew now. Lust faded and love was never ending. Yes, I wanted her body, but I wanted her mind too. I wanted to know everything that put that sad look in her eyes, I wanted to discover every scar that covered the plane of her body. Closing my eyes, I imagined the scene unfolding before me. Until I heard a light cough to my right. My eyes snapped open and I turned toward the sound. Dark eyes met blue and I had to smile at the apologetic look on Dick Winters' face.

"Ron," he said with a slight nod of his head. I returned the gesture and took my helmet off, running a dirty hand through my hair. It was greasy to the touch and I could feel the dirt and grime caking there across my scalp.

"Dick, glad you made it," I said and I had to pretend that I didn't see the surprise come over his face. I reached forward, hand outstretched. He grasped it, almost without thinking, and smiled that quiet smile of his. Then, I saw the understanding fill his eyes. He looked toward the aid-station, then back again.

"She in there?" Dick asked, his words low and quiet, as if we were telling secrets. Which, in a way, we were. To remain here, Rebecca's true identity had to be kept hidden from as many people as possible. Three people, that I knew of, knew exactly what she was. Who knew how many more that hadn't even spoken out yet.

"Yeah, that Sergeant of hers is talking to her," I said, not quite able to achieve the neutral tone of voice I'd wanted. Every time I thought about him touching her...A growl rumbled through my chest and Winters shot me a knowing look.

"I'm going to take that as you don't like Guarnere," he said, his blue eyes sparkling with amusement. When I didn't answer, he shot me another look but chose not to say anything else. He shoved his hands in his pockets, rocking slightly on the balls of his feet. For a man with so much stoic poise, he almost looked nervous.

"Something you need to tell me, Winters?" I asked quietly. I watched him and felt the tension rolling off of him in thick waves. The silence widened, becoming almost impossible to breach as we stood man to man. I couldn't imagine what had shaken the man in front of me up enough that he was acting this way.

"The prisoners are talking and...well, hell, did he really do what he said he did?" he wondered aloud, his lips thinning until they had become just two pink slits on his face. Beside myself as the anger galloped up and down my spine again, I turned around. To make sure she was still there, still breathing. My heart lurched painfully and I had to clear my throat to answer him.

"I don't think so. She doesn't act like a woman whose been...you know," I said, not wanting to say it out loud. I didn't want to make the possibility any more real than it already was. Dick nodded in silent understanding. His eyes cleared a bit. That made me smile grimly. It was good to know that I wasn't the only man sickened by the thought of that animal touching her in such an intimate way. I gulped down my rage. It was licking at my insides and I knew that if I didn't control myself soon, I would lose it. Today was definitely a day of endless possibilities. She could have died, she could have been violated...Strange that none of that seemed to apply to me. I didn't care that I'd had to kill today, that I could have been killed. If I had lived and she had died, what good would it have been? Without her in the world, it almost seemed as if everything would lose importance.

"Right," he said, clearing his throat almost as if he knew what was trying to consume my thoughts, "Well, Strayer wants you over there to guard the prisoners. There's a big group of them of about twenty. The ones that you and your men rounded up and then a few spare ones that were taken along the way by others. You've got three guys down there already. Two of them are jumpy privates, so good luck with that." I had to chuckle at that, even though there was nothing really funny about it. Maybe it was more a laugh of relief, maybe it was the discomfort that suddenly overtook me. I didn't want to be near that evil bastard but I knew that I could only trust myself to make sure that he didn't escape so that he could never do to others what he'd almost done to her.

"Where are they?" I asked him, steeling myself again. I didn't know what was happening to me, but I needed to be focused if I was going to be surrounded by twenty POWS. Dick seemed to notice the change in me. He observed me for a moment, his eyes piercing me through to my soul. Then, he turned around and I could breathe again. He pointed down the road that led out of town.

"You won't miss them. They're not that far out," he said simply, clapped me on the shoulder, and then left as quickly as he'd appeared. I watched him go for a second then I made my way there. Somewhere in my soul, I could feel the gravity of this situation. I hated that pig of a man with everything that I had and one wrong move would lead to me taking his life just as he'd tried to do to her. That was one thing I could never forgive, could never forget as long as I lived.

The road was muddy and worn from all the feet that had walked it in the past few hours. I passed group after group of men, all just faces swimming in and out of my wandering vision. I couldn't focus on any one of them long enough to register whether or not I knew them. All my attention was on the goal, the end of my walk.

At last I was there. I let my eyes take in every face now. I caught sight of the two terrified privates. Their eyes were darting everywhere, trying to take in a 360 view of their surroundings. I went over to them, my hand falling down on their shoulders. They turned their gaze on me, their chests heaving and their guns trembling against the underside of my forearms.

"Why don't you boys get the hell out of here? I'm sure you can find something useful to do in town," I said, keeping my voice low. Embarrassing them in front of the prisoners wouldn't help anything. And I could remember being that green once, being terrified of anything and everything. It had been a long time, but I remembered. They both nodded gratefully, relief instantly smoothing out every worry line on their faces. I smiled grimly, reaching down to the pocket of my jacket and taking out a pack of lucky strikes. I shook out one of the long sticks and shoved it between my lips, my teeth holding it still as I lit the end with my zippo. I sucked in a deep breath, fire dancing in my lungs from the smoke. I closed my eyes for a moment, imagining for a minute that it wasn't the cigarette smoke filling my chest with fire but the possibility of touching her again. I imagined her laying on a bed covered with sheets so white that they seemed to have been made from moonlight spun into thread. Her long black hair was the only color in all that dazzling white and her eyes. Her bright azure eyes, so captivating that I was frozen in mid-thought before the bed. This vision was more vivid and more real than any of the others and I knew somehow that it would happen one day. I didn't know when, but it was something to hold onto when everything else seemed bleak and hopeless. It was a point of light on the black horizon and I intended to keep it locked safely away until I could make it come to life.

Now, I opened my eyes to see the prisoners looking at me with wide, hungry expressions on their faces. I stared at them all, really stared at them. Their uniforms were covered with dirt to match the blackness smudged along their faces and on their hands. The air was filled with a ripe odor that was rolling off of them in putrid waves. They all smelled of unwashed flesh and earth. It was not a good combination and I knew without asking that they had been out here for longer than we had. Without showers, without fresh uniforms...I shuddered to think when the time for us to switch places would come.

Feeling like they could all be given the benefit of the doubt now that they were at our mercy, I held the pack out to the closest German. His eyes alighted, but he didn't take one. I shook it impatiently in front of his face, an encouraging smirk on my lips. He took it and I stuck the zippo in front of him too, the flame flickering in the air issuing quickly from his mouth. I motioned the others forward too, letting each of them take my cigarettes. I could always get more somehow or another. I'd almost forgotten about the Aryan monster hiding at the back of the group, his lank blond hair falling in his blue eyes. So, when his voice rang across the small space, I had to fight not to jump out of my own skin.

"And do I get one of your filthy American cigarettes too?" he asked, his eyes boring suddenly into my own. I was not an easily intimidated man and I was not frightened easily. Those were the reasons that I had progressed this far up the chain of command. I could do things that no one else would dream of doing. Mostly because I did not have much to lose. Now, however, I did. I had everything to lose and it was all because of Rebecca. And staring into that man's eyes scared me. I could see the insanity, the lack of anything but blind hatred for myself and my fellow soldiers. It was for men like him that we had come to fight. We had to get rid of him and his Fuhrer. Madmen they were and would always be. And the best way to demolish a madman is to get as close as you can before stabbing him right through the heart when he least expects it.

With a smirk that would have sent all the men in the 101st running, I held out the box. There was one cigarette left and waiting for him. The tension filled the air with an unbreakable pressure that crushed my lungs. All the air rushed from my chest and I could not breathe while he was looking at me with so much hatred and malice on his face. It seemed as though any wrong move, and he would throw himself at my throat.

Those two blue orbs, that reminded me so much of Rebecca and yet stood so far apart from anything to do with her, stared at me and through me. Until my head began to pound. Still, I didn't move. Not an inch. Finally, he was standing in front of me. A foot and a half of space lay between the two of us. My rifle was slung around my shoulder. I knew I would be able to swing it around into my hands on a moment's notice. I just didn't know if it would be enough.

A moment in time passed us by. The Earth turned on its axis and the sun rode the sky overhead. Then, it happened. As if in slow motion, I watched from the corner of my eyes the movement of his fingers. He reached toward me, his fingers curled slightly over the cuff of his uniform jacket. I knew what he was trying to hide. I knew it before my mind had really registered it. A flash of silver light passed before my vision.

Then, time seemed to speed up. The world was turning so fast that my head felt like it would explode with the pressure at any moment. How much could one mind take?

Trying to focus all my energy on stopping the monster before me, I clumsily swung my rifle into my shaking hands. My Adam's apple bobbed in time to my heartbeat and anxiety filled my core. For a moment, all I could see was his leering smile. Then, blood splashed my face and the sound of the bullets splitting flesh and bone filled my ears. I closed my eyes, relishing in the aftermath of that glorious kill. I realized now that I had never wanted to kill someone so much. I had to wonder if Rebecca would be happy about this man's death or somehow disgusted that I could so easily take away another person's life. For the first time since becoming a man, I was actually scared of what a woman would think of me if she knew my hidden secrets.

In war, it is thought that men change. In a way, that was true. But, there was something else that a lot of people didn't like to think about it. Perhaps war simply brought out those things that were already there lingering beneath the surface. Humans have a tendency to be destructive, no matter how civilized a society they come from. Evil lurks within us all. And I'd accepted that side of myself from an early age. I would later be called a born killer and I knew to the very core of my soul that it was true. Now, though, I wanted to hide it away. I didn't want for her to see that. I just didn't know how I would go about doing that and if I knew her, she wouldn't want me to.

**Becca's POV**

I woke up feeling groggy and so tired that I knew if I had to stay awake like this for the next couple of months, I would end up dying from exhaustion. My bones cracked as I sat up and my arms were hard to hold up, so I just slumped over the edge of the cot I was in.

Slowly, as I opened my eyes, a face swam into view. My heart flew and I wanted nothing than to crawl into his arms and stay there for eternity. I'd never wanted to see someone so much in my life and I couldn't tell then whether what I was really feeling for Ron was lust or love. I'd been so sure before, but I'd been panicked and on the slippery slope that comes with being so close to death. That cold desperation will make a person believe almost anything. Now that I was more calm, I realized that I just wanted his body. I wanted to be wrapped in his arms, ravish his lips with my own, and bind myself to him so completely that nothing would ever rid him from my mind. I wanted him, needed him just as I did the air swirling around our heads. I had to know that he was real and the only way to do was to touch him, to feel his warm skin sliding under my my fingers. My dreams had only ever let us go so far. There had only ever been kissing, nothing more.

I felt his eyes boring into me, and I had to lift my gaze from his mud-caked boots to his face. I gasped, seeing who had really come to see me. It wasn't Ron, but Bill. My heart sank like a rock into my stomach. A strangled cry threatened to bubble forth from my throat, but I managed to keep it in by leaning forward and taking him into my arms. I was happy to see Bill, of course I was. I squeezed him tighter, willing the pain in my chest to go away. What was this feeling? What was this hopeless sorrow that filled me to the brim and made me wish that the man in my arms was someone else? Tears clouded my vision and made everything glitter as through a watery wall. I closed my eyes, the salty fluid flowing down my face in unrestrained rivulets to wet Bill's bare skin. He shuddered underneath me and turned his lips into my hair. He planted a kiss there and let out a shaky sigh, as if he too were going to cry.

"I thought I'd lost you, Becca," he said, his voice nothing but a whisper in my ear. I nodded, clinging desperately to him and being grateful for the fact that this bed was in a secluded corner of the aid station, where no one could see us.

"If you'd died, I don't know what I would have done," Bill went on as he pulled back enough to see my face. I ducked my head, not wanting him to see the tears. He would never think that they had been shed because of another man. I still hadn't told him about Ron, and I knew that I had to soon or else he would have his feelings crushed. I loved Bill, as a friend, and I couldn't lie. He was a great kisser, but it wasn't the same. The passion, the lust, the wanting I felt for Ron had nearly consumed me. If I let it grow, I could feel the same for Bill. But in this moment, I didn't feel that way and I didn't want to feel the shame burn through me when he saw those tears and thought they were for him.

"Becca," he said, the word sounding like the most sacred of prayers on his lips. He cupped my cheeks and lifted my head so that he could look into my eyes. He stared at me for a moment, our lips nearly touching, "Please don't hide from me." And with those words tingling across my mouth, he bent forward. He captured my lips in a bruising kiss. Heat pooled in my stomach and spread across my skin like a comforting flame. My hands knotted in his hair and I pulled him closer, desperate for contact. I poured all my heart and soul in that kiss, wishing that it could be enough to repair his heart after I'd broken it. His tongue darted across my lips, seeking entrance which I granted at once. He deepened the kiss, his sure strokes making it seem like he was trying to memorize the taste of my mouth. I moaned deeply, the sound rumbling through both of us. It made him pull away and press his forehead to mine, his chest heaving with exertion. I laughed breathlessly, my hands still plunged deeply into his hair to hold him to me.

"Can I expect this every time we jump, Bill?" He chuckled, pressing his lips once more to mine. It was chaste and quick, almost as if we would do this for the rest of our lives. The thought, for some reason, thrilled me. Before I was able to think about what that meant, he leaned back. His face was smooth with happiness and I found myself staring deeply into his eyes despite thinking that I should put distance between us. I don't know what I expected to find there, but as I looked at him, something inside me settled. I knew now that he was real. He had to be to make me feel so confused and yet so sure at the same time. I blushed suddenly, seeing that hungry glint flitting across his face. It was enough to tighten things low in my body in a panicked need to have his hard body pressed against me.

"I have to go, Becca," he said. My head snapped up in horrified astonishment.

"No!" I nearly shouted, my heart racing and my hands grasping for him. He smiled sadly in my direction, stepping silently away from the cot. I stared at him, wanting to cry but knowing it would be of no use. If duty called, then he had to obey.

"As soon as I'm back, I'll find you. And stay off that damn foot, would ya? For old Bill's sake," he said, sending a wink over his shoulder as he walked away. I couldn't help but giggle.

"If you're old, what the hell does that make me?" I teased him, wanting nothing more than to stand up and follow him out that door. He turned around, looking at me with a knowing light in his eyes.

"I don't really know," he replied. A moment of silence passed between us. The wheels of my mind were turning frantically to try and stall him for as long as I could. I didn't want him back in the fighting, back in harms way. But I could see in his face his foolish eagerness. I dreaded the moment when that eagerness would vanish, replaced by something even more evil and corrupting. The time when we would all look on war as it really was would be when we all let go of the heroic misconceptions that people always have when going in. They never come out the same, no matter who they are. We would all carry the scars, emotional and physical, for the rest of our lives. Marks of the cruelty and brutality that can be inflicted on our fellow men.

Movement out of the corner of my vision caught my attention and another strangled cry tumbled out of my mouth. My throat constricted itself and I had to clear it to be able to talk.

"Bill!" I shouted after him, hoping against hope that he heard me. When he poked his head around the corner, I smiled in relief, "Please, please be careful." Tension filled the air and for the first time since I'd known him, Bill Guarnere stood before me a man terrified of the fate that had been allotted to him. I didn't know what had changed, what he saw on my face that made him react like that, but it didn't matter. He was scared and it made the danger, the risks we were all taking, all the more starkly real. I shuddered with the effort of keeping myself back. I knew that running to him would only make him leaving even harder. He seemed to understand that because he sent me the saddest smile, making my heart break a little for him.

"Don't worry, babe," said Bill, before turning around and disappearing from sight. My eyes closed immediately, and I prayed harder than I ever had for him to be safe. I prayed for Ron too. I hadn't seen him yet and I could only hope that he was safe. Tears threatened to cascade down my face again, but I bit my lip to keep them at bay. I could not, would not, cry again today. I was tired of being such a helpless girl. I'd gone through this utter feeling of despair before and I could handle it. I could be strong, couldn't I? I didn't know what scared me more. That I could not answer that question, or that I didn't want to know that answer.

One thing I couldn't deny. The pain of having my father ripped so quickly from this world had slowly began to ebb. I woke up now without my thoughts going immediately to him. It made me sad that I was finally able to move on. It felt like I was betraying his memory by not thinking about him constantly. But I knew that he would have wanted this for me. He would not have wanted me to mourn his loss forever and for that I saw some hope. Some semblance of a guilt-free mind that I could hang onto. I knew what the cause of this change was. Bill and Ron. Bill because he'd been my first friend, he'd joked with me even before he knew what I really was. For that, he would always hold a special place in my heart. More than that, though, I couldn't help but start to see him in a different light. He was a good man, someone that had such a commanding presence that it was hard not to notice him. And I knew that some part of me, no matter how hard I tried to deny it, loved him. Loved him as a woman will a man. I realized, sitting in that crumbling building, that it would be simple and easy to fall for Bill. He made it that way just by being himself around me.

Ron was a completely different story, and perhaps that was part of my draw to him. He was so hard to figure out. From those fleeting glances and passionate kisses that we'd shared, I could admit that he felt something for me. What it was exactly, I had no idea. And I knew that I felt something for him. Not love, I told myself adamantly. Those ideas had been a spur of the moment thought when I'd been so close to death that I could have tasted it on my lips. Loving someone required knowing them. Knowing their dreams, their past, every flaw and skeleton. And past all of that, past their mistakes and their less-than-perfect tendencies, you loved them. It was an impossible game of cat and mouse, one that I was completely hopeless at. The men in my own time had always ignored me. Then, I show up here and suddenly two men are playing for my attention. My head fell into my hands, my mind trying frantically to make sense of it all. But the ideas were fleeting butterflies in my brain. The truth was that I had no idea how I felt about either of them. Only time would tell that. Time and patience. I chose to overlook the fact that both life and war have a hard time understanding those two concepts.

**Okay so this is still a monster of a chapter, but definitely not nearly as long as chapter 16. Nonetheless, I really hope that you still enjoy it. I like it, which believe me, is a hard thing to come by for me. I usually am very down on my writing, but that's beside the point...I also hope that you can all forgive me for the lack of updating very much over this week like I said I would. It's just been crazy with everything that's been going on. I'm about to graduate from high school on the 12th of June. And I have exams Tuesday and Wednesday of this week. And I had to get shows last Friday for college, which ended up being an epic fail. I actually stayed two and a half hours(yes I just said that) in a waiting room when I was actually in the wrong building. So needless to say, I'm exhausted and ready for school to be over. :)**

**That being said, I'm hoping you review. Again thank you to EVERYONE who has been reading and reviewing for the last 16 chapters. I appreciate it more than I can ever really say. And a HUGE thank you to captain ty who has been putting up with my unruly muse for the past two weeks hehe. **

**Oh! And before I forget, I have one last thing. I just finished chapter 41 tonight so I should be starting on 42 tomorrow. If you ever want to know the status of my stories, just go to my profile. Scroll all the way down to the bottom at the part where it says "In the works." Thank you again for listening to my ranting. It makes me feel better lol. **


	18. Always

_Don't you need it in the worst way?_

_Control, I need it in the worst way, babe_

_But if you ever come back_

_If you ever come back, I will let you_

"_Always" by Neverending White Lights_

**Becca's POV**

Gentle hands slid around my wrists and coaxed my arms down to my sides. I struggled, my body not wanting to face the reality of my situation. But try as I might, whoever it was was stronger than me. They pulled my hands down. I raised my eyes to meet the warm, brown gaze that belonged to Gene. When he saw the tears that were pooling inside my bright, blue orbs, he wrapped his arms around me. He was silent as the grave, not once asking me why I was so upset. I think he knew what was wrong and he didn't say anything. He held on tight as I let go all of the pent-up rage, guilt, and worry that had been building up inside me for some time. It felt good being held by someone who was just a friend. I clung to him, the tears fighting desperately to be expelled from my body.

"It's alright, Becca," he said, his rich Cajun accent soothing my jumbled emotions one syllable at a time. His fingers trailed lightly up and down my back and I found the tension in my shoulders relaxing somewhat.

"He'll be fine. Lieutenant Winters will make sure of it," he continued, his warm breath trailing along the outline of my ear. With his strong arms holding me to his chest and his soft voice in my thoughts, I couldn't help but take a calming breath. I let it out, slowly and slowly eased against him. The tension, the fight, spilled out of me. I was left feeling exhausted and aching. I leaned away from him and wiped away the drying tears on my cheeks. I gave him a tired smile.

"Thanks, Gene. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been crying a lot lately," I muttered the last more to myself than him. So when he chuckled, I glanced up at him in surprise.

"Well, you are a girl," he said, his warm brown eyes sparkling with amusement. I rolled my eyes and smacked him on the arm. He continued to smile at me and then shook himself. He looked me over, as if he was just seeing me for the first time.

"You're okay aren't you? No bruises?" I could see the instinct to help taking over him and I laid a gentle hand on his forearm.

"No, Gene, I'm okay. Just tired and I twisted my ankle But its nothing I can't handle," I told him, knowing in my heart that it was the truth. I'd deal with a lot worse than a twisted ankle in my life. My thoughts turned again towards Bill. I hoped he was okay, I wouldn't be able to stand it if he got hurt. I knew I shouldn't think about it, I knew I shouldn't be thinking about either of them. I didn't deserve them and it was obvious that this was the last place anyone should be looking to form a relationship. Even as that ran through my head, I knew it was ridiculous. It was too late for me. Too late and I knew that I wouldn't change it even if I could.

"Where you hurt, soldier?" I asked the man beside me. He looked up at me, his eyes half-open. He blinked for a few seconds, then seemed to realize that I was there to help him. I could tell he was drugged. His lips formed a lop-sided grin and he sat up a little bit.

"In my l-leg," he said quickly, pointing down to the blood-soaked bandage covering his thigh. I blushed, ducking my head so that he wouldn't see the color in my cheeks. I took a few seconds, collecting myself before I looked up into his face again. When I did, he gave me a curious look. He didn't say anything though, for which I was grateful. I moved toward him, my fingers shaking slightly as I unwrapped the bandage to see just what I was going to be dealing with. I gasped slightly, seeing the fresh blood oozing out of the wound.

"Shit, it wasn't a clean shot," I muttered under my breath, steeling myself for what I would have to do next. I glanced on the table beside me, my shoulders slumping when I saw that I didn't have any forceps. I would have to dig it out with my hand.

_Good thing I'm not squeamish. _I glanced down at the soldier, his eyes sliding closed slightly.

"Alright, soldier, this is probably going to hurt even with all the morphine in your system. So, just try to relax." I braced myself, clearing my mind as I gazed down at the wound with a sense of focus throbbing in my veins. I took a deep breath then I plunged forward.

"God-damn!" the soldier before me hissed as I dug my fingers into his thigh. I knew that I should feel just a little guilty for hurting him, but I couldn't afford that. If I felt bad, then I wouldn't be able to dig the thing out. And unless he wanted to lose the leg, I had to do just that.

"That fucking hurts," he shouted, but I ignored him.

"Well, either I can dig the thing out or you can walk around for the rest of your life with a bullet lodged in your leg. It's your choice," I said, sending him a grim smile. He gave me a look that would have killed if that was possible. Then, he rolled his eyes and lay back on the bed. He gripped the sheets between his fingers as my fingers finally closed on the bullet. I pulled it out, dropping it into a pan beside the bed. He relaxed immediately, a smile forming on his lips.

"Thank God," he muttered, taking a deep breath.

"Damn, Smalls," someone said behind me. I turned around, not daring to hope. But my heart nearly burst with elation when I saw Bill standing a few feet away from me, staring at me with a huge grin on his face.

"Bill," I muttered, trying to slow the desperate pounding of my heart. I walked over to him, not caring who saw us. I stood in front of him, wanting to say so many things to him. All that would come out was a simple, "You're okay." He nodded, smiling down at me.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Popeye didn't get so lucky though. Took a shot to the ass," Bill said, trying and failing to keep the laughter out of his voice. I made to cover my mouth in shock, but remembered that my hands were covered in the blood of men that I did not know. I looked down at my red fingers, wishing somehow that I could have skipped this aspect of the war. It was naïve and selfish, but I didn't want to deal with these suffering men. It threw into perspective that I still had a lot of growing up to do. Mistaking my silence for something else, Bill's fingers swallowed my wrist and turned my eyes up to his face. The sadness in his expression made me want to throw my arms around him so that I could make it go away. I didn't want him to be sad over me especially if his fears were not necessary.

I turned away from him and went to a water basin that was sitting on a table. I went over to it, cringing at the sight of the dark pink water. Heaving a sigh, I dipped my fingers in and tried to scrub away the blood as fast as I could. I couldn't stand to see the blood on my hands anymore. I couldn't think about the men that I had failed to save today. If I did, I would only drive myself crazy. I took my hands out of the water and wiped the moisture away on my dirty pants. I turned around again, seeing the concern still waving across Bill's face.

"Becca, if there were any way that I could see to get you out of here safely, I would make sure that you did. But, you just have to find someplace in your mind that will keep you numb to what's going on around you," Bill said, his emotions showing as clearly on his face as they ever had been. I could see sorrow, anger, and guilt raging there in his dark eyes and I knew that I had to take the pain away. If only for a moment. Looking quickly around, I heaved a satisfied sigh when I saw that everyone was occupied. I turned my attention to him again and felt my heart skip a beat. He was staring at me intently, his face glazed with hesitant desire. The look sent heat racing across my skin and I knew that whatever this was between us was growing. My pulse began to race and I licked my lips in anticipation.

"I want to kiss you so bad right now," he said, his voice pounding into me like a sledgehammer. He sounded as if he was in pain, as if the desire for me was so great that it hurt him. My mind blanked and in that moment, he was all that I needed. If he would look at me like that for the rest of my life, everything would be okay.

"Then do it," I whispered, so stricken with my own boldness that my pulse skyrocketed into my throat. The tension between us was so tight, so thick, that I knew that if we didn't break it soon I might explode. Forgetting that we were standing in the middle of a very crowded aid station, he leaned forward. His eyes bored into my own, showing me the intensity of his feelings. Then the moment was broken by Toye and Luz who came walking over. I jumped away from Bill, flashing them both a put-on smile.

"Hey, guys, I was scared I wouldn't see you two again," I said, reaching out to their offered hands.

"Yeah, well, it sure was a hell of a time getting here," Toye said, shaking his head as he thought back on the night's events. I shuddered, trying to keep my own memories at bay. As luck would have it, Luz chose that moment to elbow me in the side.

"So, you got anything good yet? Perco's got about seven wrist-watches and I ransacked a Kraut on the way here and got this," he said, with a happy grin as he pulled a handgun out of his pants. He handed it to me, pride spreading across his face. I looked at it and clapped him on the back.

"Nice, Luz. I haven't gotten anything yet, but you just watch. I'll find a Luger or something to take home," I said, glancing at Bill. His eyes were flashing angrily and he wouldn't meet my gaze. Toye and Luz both chuckled.

"Yeah, well just don't something stupid like Malark to get it," Toye said, rubbing his jaw line and smudging the dirt that was still covering his skin. I glanced between the guys, wondering what they were talking about. Then, I realized that he must have been in on whatever Bill had gone off to do only a few short hours ago.

"The stupid Mick gets it into his head that there's a Kraut out in the field that we just killed that has a Luger on him. So, what does he do? He runs right out there and searches the poor bastard. The Kraut's must have thought he was a medic or something because they weren't shooting at first," Toye went on, his eyes sparkling as he chuckled at the memory, "Turns out it wasn't a Luger and he had to run back to us with the Kraut's throwing machine gun fire. Almost got himself killed."

"Yeah, well he's not the only psycho in 2nd Battalion," Bill said, his voice coming out as a low growl. I couldn't tell what had gotten him in such a surly mood. The fact that we'd been interrupted or the memories of what they'd done. I looked up into his face and reached over to take his hand in my own. I made sure that the other two couldn't see. I ran the tip of my finger over the back of his hand and I felt him shudder beside me. I smiled, turning my attention back to the boys. But, a moment later, I wished I hadn't been touching Bill at all.

"Yeah, so we're sitting there, Smalls. And all of a sudden Speirs shows up with three other guys. He asks Winters if he can take the last gun. Winters tells him to go ahead, and Speirs takes off running through the trenches. For some reason or another, he jumps out of the trenches and tears ass towards the last machine gun. His men follow him and two of them are killed straight off. The man is insane," Toye said, shaking his head at the thoughts swirling through his head. I stared at him in shock, my entire body locking up. I couldn't help the words that spilled out of my mouth or the way my body inched away from Bill's. I didn't want him to feel me tense anymore and I definitely didn't want to feel his own response to what I would ask.

"So he's okay?" I asked, my voice little more than a whisper. Toye shot me a strange look, but brushed it off as he nodded.

"Yep, he's okay. He was running so fast I don't think Jerry could have caught him," Toye said. Him and Luz laughed, but I could feel Bill's gaze burning into my own, trying to get me to look at him.

"So other than Popeye, you guys made out pretty well, huh?" I asked them, trying to get my thoughts off of Ron. He could have been shot or worse killed, but from the way Joe had told it, he hadn't even given those possibilities a thought. I had to see him, had to know if he was okay. I wouldn't believe it until I touched his skin, held his face in my hands, felt his lips against my own. I shuddered with just the thought of kissing him again. I knew it wasn't fair. It wasn't right for me to be kissing two men, especially when Bill was my friend and I barely knew Ron. But I couldn't seem to help it. I was attracted to both of them and my thoughts were swept away when either of them dared to look at me. It wasn't a good reason, it was an excuse. A pitiful excuse, but it was the truth. Unable to avoid it any longer, I glanced at Bill. His eyes were surveying me with a dread that I had never thought to see there. I felt my heart drop into my stomach. How could I have done this to him? How could I have taken his heart in my hands and broken it clean in half? I had wanted to avoid this, I had wanted to tell him. So, why hadn't I?

"I have to go," I said suddenly, interrupting Joe mid-sentence. I turned on my heel and walked to the enclosed space where I had been earlier. My heart was jumping so fast against my neck that I was sure it would break the skin at any moment. I waited for it with bated breath, almost wanting it to disappear from my body. Maybe then, this sickening feeling would stop clenching my stomach. Maybe then I wouldn't feel like a two-timing, selfish whore.

**Ron's POV**

I hadn't meant to stumble across the conversation, but it seemed as if I had a knack for doing just that when it came to Rebecca. I huddled behind a corner, listening to the sound of her voice. It was soothing, and after losing two of my men to my own stupidity, it was all that I could have asked for. Something about her seemed to settle me. It wiped my mind of all thought, leaving nothing but raw emotion. My heart swelled again at the fact that she was still alive. That she was walking, talking, breathing. When only a few hours ago, I hadn't known if I would ever hold her in my arms again. Of course, there was still the problem of that sergeant. Jealousy tugged at my insides when her hand found his. Her soft, sure strokes against the back of his hand made me sure that there was at least some attraction between them. I wondered what it would take for me to prove to her that I was the better man for her. There was never a question in my mind that I could have her, that I would make her mine. But, now, looking at the two of them I couldn't be sure. As I continued to watch her face, something changed in her expression. Her eyebrows scrunched together and her bright blue eyes took on a look of such desperation that I began to walk forward before I caught myself. I would have given almost anything in the world to see that look vanish from her eyes. It tore at my heart and my throat, made me throb with the need to hold her in my arms. I tried to focus on what they were talking about, tried to figure out what had made her so upset.

"...Winters tells him to go ahead, and Speirs takes off running through the trenches. For some reason or another, he jumps out of the trenches and tears ass towards the last machine gun. His men follow him and two of them are killed straight off. The man is insane," one of the men was saying. I watched as her features softened slightly. Then, her entire body tensed. She inched away from the sergeant, letting go of his hand as if she'd been burned. He turned to look at her, anger and hurt flashing through his eyes.

"So he's okay?" she asked the men, her voice barely audible from where I stood. My pulse sped up, jumping against my ribcage. I jolted a few inches forward, wanting to know what she would do next. The sudden movement made my chest ache and I flinched, knowing that my lungs were already strained because of how fast I had been running back at Brecourt. As I thought back on that mission, my chest tightened even more. I'd lost two men. They would never see their families again, would never feel the happiness of their wedding day. Would never feel the joy of holding their children in their arms. What would I have said to their families if I could tell them what happened to their soldier? What could I say that would help ease their pain? How could I try to comfort them when even now I wanted to break down and cry?

I tried to reel in my emotions, knowing that I was being ridiculous. Death was a part of war. I'd already acknowledged the fact that all of us were already dead. I wondered what was different now, but I knew exactly what it was. Rebecca. She'd softened me, given me something to look forward to after the war. She'd given my life meaning again and the fact that she held that amount of power terrified me. If there'd ever been a doubt in my mind that I loved her, I knew now. It was the only explanation I could think of to explain how I felt about her. Then, soft sobbing off to my right brought me back to the present. A small figure retreating through the entrance of the aid station swam into my vision and I blinked for a moment to focus on them. I realized with a start that it was Rebecca and she was letting the most heart-wrenching sounds rip through her chest. Limping along, her hand skimmed along the wall of the building to hold herself upright. Desperate to take away her pain, I followed after her. It didn't even occur to me that she might not want to see me. That I was the last person she wanted to help her. She disappeared around the next corner and I sped up, my feet quickening under me. I was shaking from the sheer pounding of my heart and the gasping breaths that I was taking to keep myself from running out of oxygen. I rounded the corner and felt my heart drop into my stomach. She had fallen to her hands and knees. Her shoulders were heaving with the force of the sobs rolling up her throat. It was a constant stream of tears falling from her face. I felt so helpless as I knelt beside her. I placed my hand gently on her shoulder, coaxing her backwards so that I could take her into my arms.

"Rebecca?" I asked, my voice so soft that I had a hard time believing it was me. She brought this out in me and I wondered about it. She had so much power over me that she didn't realize she had. I knew then that I would have done anything she asked of me without second-guessing it.

"Ron," she whispered, her lips trembling as she sat back and settled her back against the wall. She looked up at me, her cerulean eyes swimming with tears. Her expression was unreadable, but what she next said floored me, "Why are you doing this to me?" She closed her eyes to me, her lips trembling as two more tears flowed down her cheeks. I stared at her, trying to make sense of what she'd just asked me. What was I doing to her?

"Rebecca, I don't understand. What are you talking about?" I reached toward her, my fingers skimming along the bare palm of her hand. She snatched it away, her eyes popping open.

"Don't do that!" she told me sharply. Her features softened and she cradled that hand to her chest as if I'd burned her, "It only makes it worse." I stared at her in confusion, wanting so much to ask her what she meant. But I had a feeling that the only way I was going to get anything out of her would be to stay silent. Seeing her like this took all the coldness out of me, I could not steel myself to the emotions now shaking through me. I wanted to help her, but I had no idea how.

"I wish you would just leave me alone, Ron. I barely know you and I...every time I'm with Bill, all I can seem to think of is you. I don't want to feel this way," she said, wrapping her arms around herself as she sobbed harder. I let the words sink in. My heart was reeling with the knowledge that she thought about me even when she was with him. It filled me with hope, but even as the feeling threatened to overtake me, my stomach dropped. She didn't want to feel so strongly about me, she didn't want me enough to risk the sergeant's feelings. I focused on that, knowing it would be the only way to do what I was about to do. I let my anger consume me, let it ripple along my skin like a shield.

"Well then, have fun with your sergeant," I said, my voice coming out as a low growl. I stood up so fast that I made myself dizzy, but I didn't stop as I walked away from her. I could hear her sobs cease as she watched me go.

"No! Ron, wait," she shouted after me. I heard her move and I knew she was going to follow me. I halted, waiting until she was close enough for her scent to capture my senses. I breathed her in, wishing that things between us could be different. The truth was that I was engaged to another woman and Rebecca obviously didn't want to be with me. At least not as much as she wanted to be with him. I turned around, my face dangerously close to her own. My clothes seemed to tighten around me as I looked down at her. I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms and press the length of her body against my own. But, I knew I couldn't. It was the only way to keep the distance between us.

"You've made it perfectly clear what you want, Rebecca. It's not me and I hope you're happy," I said, letting my rage show on my face. With that, I turned around and left her standing there. I sped up, not wanting to hear her start crying. I wasn't fast enough though. The last thing I heard before I disappeared around the corner was her strangled cry and the sound of her knees hitting the ground again.

**Becca's POV**

I don't know how long I sat there, crying over what I might have had and what I'd lost. I wondered if it was too late to save my friendship with Bill too. If I lost both of them, I would never survive it. I realized then that in a way, I was in love with Ron. Why else would his leaving me hurt so bad? I rubbed the rest of the tears from my face as I pulled myself to my feet. I must look a sight. I could feel the dirt and grime building up on my body and my fingers were still coated with red stains. Somehow, I felt like those marks would never go away. I would have to wear them for the rest of my life. I shook my head, trying to focus on something other than the misery and death surrounding me right now. I decided that I would try to find some food first. I hadn't realized just how hungry I was until now. I rounded the corner of the aid station and came to a sudden halt. Standing in front of me with a shocked expression on his face was Bill. I stared at him, my heart pounding in my chest. What was there to say? How could I try and save our friendship after all that I had done to him?

"Bill, let me..." my voice faded away as he looked down at me. His eyes were filled with so much hurt and anger that I closed my mouth. I'd blown it. We could never go back to the way things were. Not after today.

"Let you explain? Explain what exactly? The fact that you have feelings for Sparky? Fucking Christ, Becca. Sparky of all men!" He was shouting by the end of his questions, throwing his hands wildly in the air as he struggled to understand.

"Bill, I know. I didn't mean to hurt you," I said quietly, tears beginning to well up in my eyes again. I tried to push them down. I was tired of crying, tired of being so weak. But something about those tears, or maybe what I'd said, softened him. He stepped toward me and wrapped his arms around me.

"God, Becca, don't cry. Please, I can't stand to see you cry," he whispered into my hair. He pressed his lips to my forehead and I relaxed against him. I felt so safe in that moment, so glad that I hadn't ruined everything between us completely. I hugged him about the waist, clinging to him as if he was my lifeline. In a way, he was. He always had been able to ground me. I smiled against his chest, feeling the gentle beating of his heart under my ear.

"If it makes you feel any better, he's getting married," I joked, trying to make him laugh. I was rewarded with a chuckle that rumbled through him and shook me. I pulled back enough to see his face. I grinned up at him, my hand coming up to touch his cheek. Something about my touch sobered him and he pulled away from me as if he'd been burned.

"Becca, this is my fault too. I...when I kissed you that first time, I assumed you felt the same way for me. All those nights sleeping next to you, not being able to touch you. Not being able to kiss you and show you that you mean more to me than anyone else ever could, it was pure torture." I followed him, catching his hand before he could run away anymore.

"Bill, don't say that. I do feel something for you. And believe me, that hadn't been our first kiss." I smiled at the memory, remembering how confused and scared I had been of my own feelings.

"Whatta ya talkin' about?"

"One of the nights that I crawled into bed with you, you were dreaming and we sort of...well we started kissing," I said, blushing at the look on his face.

"Aw, and I missed it didn't I?" he asked, unable to keep the smugness out of his voice. I rolled my eyes, letting him have this moment. I didn't want to push him away or hurt him. He was all that I had left and it was obvious that Ron didn't want me at all now. I hugged Bill closer, pressing my face into his neck to lay a small kiss there. His skin was heated to the touch and it filled me with a sense of security, the likes of which I hadn't known in a long time. My heart raced in my chest and my hands tightened in his hair as I continued to kiss the column of his neck. His soft moan vibrated in his throat and under my lips. I smiled against him, happy that I could still elicit a reaction from him.

"If you don't stop that, I'll have to find a way to punish ya," he said, squeezing me one last time before letting his arms fall away from me. I looked up at him with a coy smile, but I didn't say what I wanted to. I didn't tell him that I would do anything he asked of me because I was slowly falling in love with him. I loved his courage, his temper, and his laughter. I loved everything about him. I just didn't know it yet.

**Right well sorry for any errors in this chapter-grammatical or otherwise-because I finished editing it and then my computer logged me out. So yes I apologize profusely for any mistakes or discrepancies. I'm not dedicated enough to go through it a second time. But that's just because I'm lazy. :) Please review if you have the time. A hugh thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. I appreciate it so much and I hope I replied to everyone's review. I did try hehe. **

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Easy Company. I truly hope I did them justice since is the 66th Anniversary of D-Day. **


	19. Half Way Gone

_You were always hard to hold_

_So letting go ain't easy_

_I'm hanging on but growing cold_

_While my mind is leaving_

_Talk, talk is cheap_

_Give me a word you can keep_

"_Half Way Gone" by Lifehouse_

**Becca's POV**

_His dark eyes surveyed me for a few tense, silent moments. I watched him too, waiting for him to do something. Anything to loosen the knot in my chest. Anything to quell the passionate fire dancing along my skin at the thought of him touching me again. Then, something shifted. His expression turned into that steely, cold glare that I'd seen him use with everyone else. Never me. He chuckled humorlessly, taking a few steps toward me. He reached up, as if to touch my face, and I closed my eyes in anticipation. All I felt was an intense coldness fill my veins. I opened my eyes, stunned into silence when I realized that his fingers had gone right through me. It was as if he was a ghost. Only a shadow of a person and he couldn't touch me. I gave a strangled gasp, tried to grab for him. _

_I was far from being ready to let him go. But the outline of him was fading quickly. He forced another cold laugh through his throat. He tried to hide the emotions flitting through his eyes, but I was too quick for him. I saw it there. The pain, the sorrow, the anger, the jealousy that was raging within him. Now the laughter took on a new tone. It was bitter. So full of pain that it made my knees buckle with the force of it. _

_I had done this to him I realized. I'd been the one to push him away first. I was the cause of his pain. While the thought of losing both of them was utterly painful, I knew that someday I would have to make a choice. I would have to choose between the two best men that had ever fallen into my life. And if I was being honest with myself, I would have known the answer to my dilemma. I would avoid the roller-coaster of emotions that I had laid out for myself by only prolonging my choice. _

_Of course, avoiding things was in my blood. It was the way that my mother, a woman whom I despised and yet whom I shared more than just looks, had always dealt with something that she did not want to handle head-on. It was simple, and besides, Ron had already chosen. He hadn't given me the option to choose him. He hadn't let me decide for myself. He had given up on so much. And as much as it hurt me, I would have to let him go. As much as I'd denied it, I knew then what my thoughts had been trying to tell me all along. There was only reason why I couldn't get him out of my mind, why I'd started to dream about him two years before being shoved through the decades that separated us to end up here. There was only reason, one explanation..._

I'd closed my eyes for only a moment before I felt someone kicking my legs out of the way.

"God dammit, Smalls, let me outta here," a familiar voice shouted, the sound ringing in my ears. I cracked open my eyes, surprised to see Liebgott standing in the back of the truck, his hand wrapped around the tailgate as he jumped out. I rubbed my eyes, feeling the stiffness in my neck and back. I scooted backward until my back was straight again. I stretched, yawning and feeling sleep leave my body. I'd never been more exhausted in my life and I could tell that I would need more sleep if I was ever going to function properly. As my body awoke, the dream dripped away from my thoughts, floating to the back of my mind to be remembered at a later time.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty," Bill muttered in my ear. I shuddered when I felt his warm breath caress my face. I turned my eyes to him, blushing when I saw just how close we were.

"Light discipline!" Lip called, the sound startling us from our positions, "Bill, close that flap." Bill did it without hesitating, his fingers fumbling on the heavy flap before finally gripping the material.

"Germans can cook their own food," he muttered, making me laugh up at him. He pulled his hand down, bringing the flap with him. He glanced over at me, smiling at me before turning his attention back to the others. I had the greatest urge to grab his hand. I didn't know what it was about him, but it made me want to let go of every constraint, every doubt, and just fall into his arms. It was ridiculous, impossible considering that I knew next to nothing about him. But, looking back on all the memories, on all the moments we had shared since I'd shown up in this time, I realized that I did know him. I knew how he felt about me, I knew that he was quick-tempered. Passionate, a good soldier, a good listener. Strong, fearless, funny. Yes, I knew him.

"How we doing, Don?" Bill asked Malarkey, who had just tasted the concoction cooking over the fire in the middle of the truck. He held the spoon away from his mouth, nodded, and placed it back over the fire.

"We're doing good," he said, shooting us all a quick grin. My heart swelled at the thought. It gave me hope that maybe the war wouldn't be all bad. I had to hold onto that hope if I ever had a chance at making it out of this with my sanity intact. Buck leaned toward the food, smelling it and narrowing his eyes at Malarkey.

"You know, Don, what the hell do you know about cooking? You're Irish," he said, sending him a good natured smile. He sat back down, taking the bottle of wine that we were passing around. He swilled it through his mouth before taking a longer gulp. He smacked his lips, getting his tin cup out of his jacket when Malarkey started pouring the stew. He passed the bottle to me and I tipped it back, enjoying the burning sensation as it made its way down my throat. A light buzz shot through my system and I realized how long it had been since I'd gotten drunk. I could still remember the last time. It had been a few weeks after my dad had died, when nothing else had helped to ease the pain. And the alcohol only made the depression worse but for a few hours, it took away everything. The pain, the sorrow, the anger. For that short period of time, I'd been able to forget about him. My mother hadn't cared. She hadn't seemed affected by his death at all. Until I broke one of her most expensive vases in the family room while I'd been drunk. She didn't shut up about the damn thing until she got me to the doctor and got me on some anti-depressants. It was the last time I'd touched alcohol and I knew that I had missed it when Bill had to wrench the bottle out of my hands.

"You okay?" he asked, bumping my shoulder. I looked up at him, not really knowing what to think. My thoughts were so jumbled and were bouncing around so fast that I had no idea what to say. I just nodded, turning my attention to my own cup. Don poured the last of the stew for me and then sat back down to eat.

"Thanks, Mal," I said, realizing for the first time just how hungry I was. Silence descended on the group as we all dug into the stew. It smelled so awful and I let out a burst of laughter before I could stop myself. Bill took one look at me, my lips covered in the stuff, and started to laugh too.

"Awe, Christ, give me some air," he said through his chuckles. He leaned around me to poke his head out the back. Flames danced along my skin again when he pressed his body firmly against mine. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I had to tighten my grip on the cup in my hands to keep from reaching out to him. The moment passed and he settled back into his seat, throwing me a knowing look before taking a cigarette out of his pocket. He lit it with his zippo and hunched over, looking around.

"God, Malark, what the hell did you put in there?"

"A chef never reveals his secret," he answered, his mouth full of stew.

"I don't think we want to know anyway," I said, gulping down my last bite without thinking about just what ingredients had gone into this meal. It made me sick to my stomach and the only thing that kept me from throwing up was the sound of everyone around me cracking up. Bill slapped my shoulder and I had to wonder if he was as desperate to touch me as I was him.

"Good point, Smalls," he said, his laughter ringing through the truck. He pulled another long draw from his smoke.

"Oh God," Buck exclaimed just as the flap moved. I glanced over, worried that it might be one of the higher ups coming to remind us about light and noise discipline. To my delight, it was just Lieutenant Winters. I hadn't seen him since before the jump and my heart lightened a little seeing that he was okay.

"Evening, sir," I said, grinning at him from where I sat. He looked up at me, his icy blue eyes sparkling in the dim light of the fire. I saw everything that he was thinking in that one glance. Winters was glad to see me too.

"Did something die in here?" he asked the group, letting the disgust show on his face. We all looked over at Malarkey, who rolled his eyes before smiling at the teasing. Toye grinned over at him, ducking his head slightly to keep the smile from showing too much.

"Yeah, sir," he said, "Malarkey's ass." We all chuckled appreciatively, letting the warmth from the fire and the laughter fill us up where the food had not. High morale was a hard thing to come by in the middle of a war zone. I knew from the look on Winters' face that he wasn't here to spoil it. Buck glanced over at the Lieutenant and we all had a tense moment to prepare before he sprang the questions on Winters.

"So, have you heard anything from Lieutenant Meehan yet, sir?" My throat constricted at the thought of all those men lying on some field. Broken, dead. It was a waste of human life, this war. Any war is but the thought of an entire plane, full of willing and able men, going down when they hadn't even had a chance-it made me sick. It made me want to cry. But Bill was here. His fingers closed around mine discreetly. While everyone else was looking to Winters for his answer, he glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes. I let myself be comforted by him in the only way that I knew how. I soaked in the warmth from his finger tips, the reassurance in his eyes. I drew courage from him. I don't know how I could have ever survived all of this without him there to guide me. To protect me. To love me. My mind tripped over the word, but I hoped it was true. I loved him, of that I was absolutely certain. I loved him as a friend, nothing more, at least for now. I had to give him a chance, if he would let me. Because there was no one else. He was the only person I had in the world that I truly trusted, that I could depend on to keep me safe.

"No, not yet," Winters said, his voice rumbling through me with the force of a thousand knives. They had all been good men. The gravity shook me and I knew that I would have to swallow down my emotions quick before anyone else saw them. I shut my eyes tight, willing the tears to go away. Bill tensed beside me and I knew that he had realized that something was wrong with me. I kept my face downcast so that no one could see my struggle. To breath, to think, to move without breaking down completely. How would I ever explain this to any of them? That my father had died. The person that I had leaned on for 19 long years, the man who'd been at my side for every time I cried. Every time I laughed, every time I came storming home after some jerk spent the day tearing me down. He'd been the first person to show me that I was enough. I was pretty enough, kind enough, smart enough. And if they couldn't see that, then they didn't deserve me.

When Bill elbowed me in the side, I realized that I'd zoned out again. I shook my head, as if doing that would rid my mind of the chaotic thoughts swirling through my mind. I focused, noting the expectant look on Winters' face as he looked up at me. There was a furrow between his eyebrows and his blue eyes were shining like two glacial pools in the swell of his face.

"Can I talk to you, Fields?" he asked, his quiet voice striking a chord within me. He sounded so tired, so different somehow than he had only a day ago. I knew that we must have all sounded like that. We'd been changed irrevocably by the things we had already experience. It would only get worse and that was what terrified me the most. I nodded, silently following my commanding officer. My heart was beating hard and fast against my chest and I wondered exactly what he wanted from me. Maybe he'd changed his mind about telling Sink. My chest ached with the effort to keep my heart where it was supposed to be. My lungs, on the verge of collapse, surged outward and caved inward with each breath. He turned around to face me, shoving his hands into his pockets as he regarded me. I wanted to scream at him to get on with it. If he didn't I was sure that I would die from waiting.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his quiet voice soothing my restlessness immediately. I glanced up at him, seeing the seriousness in his gaze. It scared me even more. I gulped down my fear, trying to make the thickening air around me dissipate. I chuckled, looking down at my ankle. It was sore and swollen, but I knew that it would take a while to heal. Especially since we were going to be leaving soon.

"Just fine, sir. I twisted my ankle on the way here this morning, but other than that I'm fine," I told him. He nodded, eying me knowingly.

"Good to know, but I wasn't talking about your trip here. I was asking if you were okay right now?" I let his words sink in. My cheeks filled with heat and I ducked my face self-consciously. Winters knew. He always knew when someone was trying to avoid the situation, trying to delay the inevitable. It was almost more than I could bear. I'd been forced to face so many things today and I didn't know how much more I could take.

At last I sighed, my hand moving as if of its own accord up to stroke through my hair, "I'll be okay." My voice was nearly unrecognizable. It held that tone of sorrow that I'd heard in my grandparent's voices when they'd told me about their past. It spoke volumes of how much suffering they had experienced in the world. Realizing that my voice carried that same tone, I was afraid. I'd already had to deal with things that I had never thought that I could. I wondered how long it would take to break me. I thought about how many hearts I would crush in my quest to find happiness again. There were still so many things that I had to overcome, so many memories that I would have to let go of.

Winters must have seen something in my eyes, something that told him exactly what I had been thinking. Of course, I didn't think that he needed much help to figure me out anyway. He was quiet and they were always the ones that saw the most. I knew because I'd been that person for nearly twenty-one years.

He patted me on the back and I took comfort from that simple gesture, "If you ever need to talk, I'm here. I know you have Bill, but sometimes having an objective opinion helps." He smiled down at me, his lips curling slightly back to show his teeth. The creases on either side of his mouth puzzled me. It was almost as if the skin was unused to being stretched. As if he hadn't had the chance to smile much in his lifetime. My instincts took over. For some reason I could not explain, I stood on the tips of my toes and placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you," I whispered, feeling more and more grateful for the man in front of me as the seconds drew on. He ducked his head, but even in the dim light I could tell he was blushing. He shook his head, his feet taking him away from me.

"Stay out of trouble, Private," he called over his shoulder. Then, he was gone. Leaving me to stand alone in the middle of the road with nothing to keep me company but my whirling thoughts.

**June 8, 1944**

We were all sitting down. Some of us, mostly first platoon, were sprawled along the monument in the middle of town. Others were standing in the road. Smoking cigarettes, showing off the souvenirs they had begun to collect, talking about nothing in particular. Bill and I were sitting off to the side by ourselves. We could watch everything from where we were and I took advantage of the view. Four men approached the rest of Easy, the smiles on their faces a mixture of relief and barely restrained joy. I recognized three of them, but not the fourth. He had blond hair and eyes the color of a sky before a storm. I turned to Bill, on the verge of asking him who the man was. Then, I noticed that he was glaring at something in the distance. I followed his line of sight, noting the way his dark eyes were flashing.

My heart was pounding when I spotted him standing there. My mouth went dry and my blood began to race. The look he was giving us twisted things low in my body, filled me with so much raw emotion and so much aching need that I had to use every last shred of self-control that I could to keep from running toward him. His cold eyes chilled me all the way to my soul. But I couldn't stop the heat that pooled just beneath the surface of my skin. I closed my eyes, letting it run the length of my body. I shuddered with pleasure, with want. When I opened my eyes again, he was gone and Bill was staring at me in concern.

"You okay, doll?" he asked me, his voice low and tight with anger. His eyes were still flashing and I reached for his hand to take the look away. It didn't matter anymore that I was still as attracted to Ron as ever. It didn't matter that he could still provoke such feelings in me. I wasn't with him because he didn't want me. I was with Bill and I had to do everything I could to keep the one person I had left from leaving me just like everyone else.

"Of course I am," I said, pushing all those feelings I was harboring for another man deep down inside me. I had to lock them up, had to suppress them before they took control of me again. I gulped down my doubts and my fear. I only let the things that I felt for Bill and Bill alone show on my face. I grinned up at him, my eyes roving gently over every curve and dip of his face. I stared at him as if doing so would erase everything else. And for a few moments, it did. He looked back at me with equal intensity. His eyes were still flashing, not in anger this time, but with a fervent passion. My hands quaked with it and I found myself leaning in before I really thought about who could be watching us. I had to kiss him, had to feel the press of his skin against mine. With my lips quivering in anticipation above his body, it was easy to forget about Ron. It was easy to focus on only him. Lieutenant Welsh chose that moment to call out for Easy to get on its feet. Bill and I both let out similar groans. I clenched my hands as I pulled hesitantly away from him. I avoided his eyes, not sure if I would be able to restrain myself if I saw the desire pooling behind his irises. Bill stood up first, swinging his rifle over his shoulder and putting his abandoned helmet back on his head. I put my helmet on too, the cold metal doing little to stop the flow of heat spreading like a giant wave across the expanse of my body. My entire frame was shaking with it and I knew that something would have to happen soon to keep me from fulfilling my wishes.

"Let's go, Gentlemen!" Welsh shouted as the last of Easy pulled themselves to their feet. Bill and I walked forward, falling into place beside Toye, Malarkey, and Hoobler. They looked at us and grinned.

"Looks like we're moving out again," Hoobler whispered, jerking his head toward Welsh. We all focused on him, wanting to know where we would be going now. It felt like we'd just gotten here. Moving from town to town with hardly any time in between for rest had taken its toll on all of us. I could see it in the stance of everyone's shoulders, in the dulled glaze of their eyes. We were all exhausted and this was just the start.

"Alright, we're moving out to take Carentan. Its the only place where the armored divisions from Omaha and Utah Beach can link up and head inland. Until then, those boys are stuck on the sand," Welsh explained, throwing his gear on as he talked.

"That sounds like fun," Talbert called from the front of the group. A few of the men chuckled appreciatively. Welsh shot him a look before turning his focus back on the rest of us.

"General Taylor is sending the whole division." I heard someone, probably Luz, scoff at the statement. We all waited for him to say something, and he didn't disappoint.

"Give me three days and three nights of hard fighting, and you will be relieved!" Luz said in a perfect imitation of the General's voice. We all laughed and I felt the slight tension between Bill and I ease. I glanced over at him and saw that he was already staring at me. I felt his fingertips playing along the back of my hand. That small bit of contact shot a surge of desire rolling through me, but I concentrated all my attention on Welsh.

"Alright, Second and Third Platoon, follow us. Fall in behind Fox Company," he called as Hoobler took the lead. We all moved forward, the mood somewhat solemn. It was soon broken by Luz clearing his throat.

"Another thing to remember, boys. Flies spread disease so keep yours closed." We all laughed and the tension let up slightly. If we could just focus on other things, we would get through this. At least until the next battle.

**June 12, 1944**

I was surrounded by bodies. Poised and tense, we were all ready for the signal from Winters to go in. I was tired and every muscle in my body ached from walking all night to get here. But, the adrenaline coursing through my veins was enough to let me forget. I focused with hyper-awareness on the noises going on around me. The sound of clucking chickens and the squeak of a gate swinging in the breeze were all that floated down to us from Carentan. I knew it was just a trick though. A town as important as this to us wouldn't be left unguarded by the Germans. I watched Winters and Welsh, feeling my lungs expanding and deflating in my chest at an alarming rate. My heart was beating frantically, trying with all its might to pump enough blood and oxygen to my tense muscles. I had a second to brace myself before Winters looked up from his wrist watch and nodded in Welsh's direction.

"Alright, go," he whispered, patting Welsh once on the shoulder. I didn't think, I just followed the rest of the men. We moved in a scattered crowd up the small incline and rounded over the hill. First Platoon was leading the assault in, and when they started getting hammered by the Krauts, all of us instinctively flew into the ditches on either side of the road for cover. All around us, there was chaos. Platoon sergeants were yelling at their men to get down and to take cover. The bullets were raining down us like a hail of metal, desperately searching for warm bodies to penetrate. And then above the clamor, above the chaos, rose Dick Winters. Stoic and intimidating, he stood alone in the road. He motioned again and again for us to stand up, disregarding the fact that he was in plain sight of the Germans. We all watched in shocked horror, frozen with astonishment when we saw that he wasn't getting hit. Not once. I gaped up at him and then realized that we were crouching here in the ditches when we should have been charging into the town. Not all of First had been shot down. Before I'd dove for cover, I'd seen Welsh and Luz slamming themselves into the wall of a building. We had to get to them, we couldn't hide here like cowards. I made to stand up, to help Winters get the men moving. But, someone's hand closed around my wrist.

"Becca," I heard Bill's voice whisper my name in a soft plead. I don't know how I heard it above all the noise, but I did. I turned my head, searching for his face. My eyes finally settled on him. His eyes were filled with pure terror. He shook his head at me and tightened his grip on my arm as if to emphasize his point.

"Becca," he began again, his voice low and quiet in my ear now, "Please do not go out there. I can't stand the thought of you being hurt." I stared at him, disbelieving at first that he would ask such a thing of me. Then that shock turned to pure and unadulterated rage. For the first time since we'd become friends, I wrenched myself away from him.

"Bill, I have to do this. It's my job. I'm a medic. I can't just let Welsh and Luz stand there while we cower in a ditch," I told him. I could feel my eyes burning with a passionate, fiery rage. I let it ripple along my skin, enjoying the tingling sensations, before I stood up fully. Bill considered me, his face a mixture of angry acceptance and pride. Then, he stood up too and waved second platoon to their feet.

"Let's go, get up!" he shouted at the men. For a tense moment, I didn't think they would listen to him. But they all stood a moment later. In the next second, we were all racing toward Carentan. Some of us followed Welsh and Luz. Some charged through the field to our right so that they could flank the town from that direction. I followed Winters and Bill through the front entrance to the town. Bullets whirled past me, blazing white hot trails along my body. The gravel crunched beneath my worn boots and the wind swept across my face as firmly as a slap.

The minutes flew by as I trailed frantically after the others. I waited for my time to come while they killed the enemy. I ended up next to Lipton as everyone split off in different directions. He glanced back at me and grinned.

"Alright, Fields, we're taking that warehouse," he shouted back at me, "Or I will be. You can watch my handiwork." I chuckled at his form of a joke and followed him across the street. My eyes roved over the street, noting the men moving like a fatal flood through Carentan. They beat down doors, threw grenades into buildings, yelled instructions to each other. Lipton climbed the stairs to the top floor of the warehouse while I found a corner to duck into. I hunkered down, trying to keep myself as small as possible. Dead, I was no use to anyone. And the best way to keep from being killed was to not be seen.

Funny that I could think so calmly about death now. But I realized, sitting among the heaps of rubble and dust that had once been a building, that in war you could do nothing but accept that you already were dead. Killing other people and facing the risk yourself really does kill something inside you. It rips apart everything that was once innocent and good in life, exposing it for what it really was. None of us would ever be the same again. As privileged as I felt to be here when, by all rights, I hadn't even been thought of yet...I had to regret some things. I would never be the same and selfishly I wished that I could just go back to my own time and save myself from this horrible fate. Then what would I do? There would be no Bill, no Ron. My heart squeezed itself so painfully that I cried out, clutching my chest. The thought of giving up either one of them for good was unthinkable. It was beyond painful and I knew that if I were to be jolted back into the future right now, I would not survive it. Losing my father had been one thing but somehow the loss of those two men would be even more painful. I should have felt awful. I should have felt so guilty for acknowledging the fact that I could get over my father's death but not the loss of Ron and Bill. It was cruel, but I couldn't change it. I wouldn't deny what I knew was true.

"Medic!" a familiar voice called from a short distance away. I snapped to attention, my eyes searching the streets for the source of the voice. When I found Talbert kneeling next to Lipton's slouched figure, I had to gulp down a scream. I scrambled, my boots slipping slightly on the gravel and dirt under my feet. Finally, I made my way over to them. I dropped down beside Lipton, assessing him. His eyes were staring in fearful trepidation at his pants. I followed his sight and saw the blood soaking the crotch of his uniform. I stared at it in horror. I could deal with a lot of things, but this was not one of them. Lipton turned his gaze on me. Hopeful and pleading for me to help him. My stomach lurched painfully at the fact that I couldn't.

"Tab, get Gene," I said to Talbert, frozen by Lip's eyes on mine. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe. I silently willed him not to ask questions, to just accept that I just couldn't look at the most intimate part of him. When he narrowed his eyes in suspicion, though, I knew that I had failed. Tab didn't seem to want to question my motives. He stood up and raced down the street where Gene was crouched behind a building. A hand grabbing my own brought my eyes back to Lipton.

"Lip, I'm sorry. I can't-," I started to explain, but he gave me a hard look that made me shut my mouth.

"Why won't you help me?" he asked, his voice chilling me all the way to my soul. I shuddered, trying to pull away from him. He only tightened his grip on my hand.

"What are you hiding?" I panicked, my breath coming in short gasps and my blood boiling in terror.

"Oh God," I whispered, the fear seizing me and narrowing the world into one purpose, "Lip, please don't tell anyone. Please, I'm begging you. I don't have anywhere else to go. Please." I was holding his hand no, gripping him as if he was my only anchor to the world. Tears were starting to form in my eyes and my lips quivered with the need to shed the salty liquid. I had never been so scared of anything in my life. A moment later, I knew that my fears had been completely unfounded. Lipton must have seen something in my face, and for that I was grateful. Whatever I could use, I would. To help keep me here and not back in the States, I would have used almost anything.

"Does anyone else know?" His voice was so quiet that I almost missed his question. I nodded quickly, wanting to give him answers before he changed his mind.

"Yeah, Lip. Winters, Roe, Guarnere, and Speirs." His eyes popped open in surprise at the last name.

"Speirs knows you're a woman?" he said. When he'd asked the question, he looked at me in shock. As if saying it aloud made it all the more real to him.

"He knows," I replied, biting my lip nervously. Lip nodded, taking his hand away from my own. He shifted a little bit, groaning in pain. I looked down on him, feeling even more guilty that I wasn't able to help him. He glanced up at me before I could turn my head away. He laughed, the sound a short and sudden pause in the chaos of the battle around us.

"Honestly, Smalls, I'd rather that you didn't see that part of me," he admitted, "Now why don't you get out of here and try to help someone else? Doc can take care of me." I stared at him for a moment in silence, shocked beyond any form of communication. Instead of protesting, I just stood up and left Roe and Talbert to it. It was hard to believe that I'd just gained another ally, another person who knew my secret and who was going to keep it that way. Hard to believe, but I'd known more bizarre things to be true.

**Hehe so that's the end of chapter 19. I really hope that everyone liked it. And I have a bit of a challenge this week for you guys. AivieEnchanted came up with the name Bilca for all you Bill/Becca fans. I can't think of a good one for Ron/Becca. So if you guys could send in your thoughts to me either as a review or a PM, that would be awesome! Thanks Aivie for coming up with that because I actually really like it lmao. Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing. If I haven't replied to your review, please don't be alarmed lol. I'm going to take care of all that right after I post this. :) And one last thing, I've gone back and changed the names for all of the chapters just so that they'll match the songs that I have on each chapter. **

**HUGE thank you to captain ty, who has been putting up with my muse the past two weeks. She's my number one supporter and without her, this story probably wouldn't have gotten very far. :) Speaking of which I just finished chapter 44 today and I've got about two or three left after this. Hopefully all of you will stay til the end. :P**

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Easy Company. I only own any OCs in this fic as well as any original plot line you do not recognize. **


	20. No Control

_I stared into your eyes until_

_The tears start to fall_

_With a sound to which I can't ignore_

_It goes_

_I won't leave I can take control_

_Control, but it won't cause I have no control_

"_No control" by Bullet For My Valentine_

**Becca's POV**

I ran through the town, the sound of the bullets not nearly as deafening as they had been. I realized, seeing the retreating figures of the enemy in a field off to my left, that they were retreating. We were capturing Carentan. Pride and hope swelled within my chest. My breath came in short gasps as I struggled to comprehend the fact that I'd lived through my first attack. The elation was short-lived though as I spotted Liebgott and a few other guys kneeling around a bloody body. I didn't wait for their call for a medic. Instinct took over me and I rushed through the rubble in the street and skidded to a halt beside them.

"Hey, guys," I said, effectively getting the others to move. Liebgott scooted out of my way, but still left a hand on Tipper's shoulder. I didn't even know how I could tell it was him. His face and his body were a sight. Blood dripped from all his wounds and I saw, bile rising in my throat, that a large piece of his right thigh was missing. I slung my medical bag over my shoulder, rummaging through it in search of morphine. When I found it, I put it in his left thigh. He looked up at me, his blue eyes blazing for a moment. With sorrow, with pain, with regret that we hadn't even been in action a week and he would be put out of the running already. I reached out to him, took his shaking hand in my own.

"You're gonna be okay, Tipper. Don't you worry, okay?" Tipper looked up at me. The muscles in my body strained and tensed from the effort not to look away and not to cringe. The entire left side of his face was covered in his own blood and his left eye was swollen shut. Liebgott seemed to see something in my eyes that I was trying so desperately to keep down inside me. He sent me an understanding smile before glancing at all of us.

"Come on, let's get him out of here," he said quietly. By now, the hailstorm of bullets that had been raining down on us had abated somewhat. I could hear myself think again. And I could also hear the sound of Bill calling my name. Liebgott rolled his eyes and waved me off.

"Joe..." I trailed off, not knowing exactly what to say. I wanted to stay and help, but Bill sounded in near hysterics. It was saying something that one of the toughest, most courageous men in the entire company was screaming for me as if I'd somehow dropped off the face of the earth.

"It's fine. I wouldn't want Gonorrhea to have a heart attack," he replied, shooting me a sly smile. I patted Tipper on his good leg before running off. It was amazing that I could so easily face such gruesome scenes as that and then walk away as if nothing had happened. But that was something I had to accept. I had to move on, had to force myself forward rather than dwell too long on the horrific things I'd seen. Otherwise, I'd be driven mad. Shivering from the cold that seeped into my bones, I rushed forward toward Bill. His eyes were wide and fearful and I felt my stomach drop when I saw his emotions splayed in his eyes for all the world to see. I would have been a fool not to see the love shining in every crease and every line of his face.

"Smalls!" he yelled, turning on his heel every few minutes to look for me. I ran forward even as my stomach dropped more. How could I stay close to him when I didn't love him back? At least, I was pretty sure I didn't. Not like he loved me. I got closer and tried to adjust my face so that I was looking at him with relief and not fear. I had no idea how to deal with the realization that he loved me, but I would have to.

"Bill, you called?" I said quietly, making him swivel to face me so fast that I was sure he would fall. But he didn't. The smile that lit up his features was enough to cause another roll of unease to pass through me. He rushed forward, both of us painfully aware of where we were and who we were surrounded by. He stopped right in front of me and patted my arm.

"You don't know how worried I was about you," he said, his voice low and strained. I could hear the ravenous hunger in his tone and glanced up at him to see the same feelings reflected in his eyes. I thought about the things that we could do if we hadn't been out in the open. It made me clench my hands in on themselves to stop from touching him.

"Well I'm fine. No need for you to worry. I've been on my own for nearly two years now, I think I can handle myself," I said, letting a little of my past slip through my lips. We'd never really talked about where I came from. It didn't seem that important. And Bill understood that I didn't want to bring it up. Now, however, his eyes lit up with curiosity.

"Whatta ya mean?" he asked me, turning around so that we could walk together over to where Easy was congregating with the wounded. I shook my head, staring adamantly ahead. A second later, I wished I hadn't. I met Ron's dark gaze. I wondered that for all the men roaming around town, I now had a perfect view of him. Every lean muscle that showed beneath the constraints of his uniform. Every flicker of the light in his eyes. Lust and desire trembled through my frame and I had to gasp back a cry. I couldn't have him and it hurt so bad that I had to close my eyes to try to ease the pain. But the image of him was seared into my mind. I could not escape it even if I wanted to. I knew then that I would never ever forget him. In a way, I had fallen in love with him. Well, not him, but the idea of him. The concept that a man could want me for anything more than a verbal punching bag was so foreign, so new. I'd assumed, foolishly, that he would want me just as much when we were finally together. Obviously, that had not been the case.

Tears bit at the backs of my eyes and my throat tightened so much that I could not breathe. Nausea and panic rose in me. The world seemed to tilt on its axis before finally settling back into its original position. I opened my eyes, noticing at once that he was gone now. Even though my heart hurt when I saw him, it hurt even more when I couldn't. Were the feelings of lust and desire rushing through me supposed to be so intense that it bordered the edge of torture? I had no idea and I wanted so much to ask Bill. But I knew it would just give him ideas. I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't lead him on any more than I already had.

We were finally with Easy. Winters waved me forward along with Roe and Spina. They both smiled at me and I had to grin back. They looked about as exhausted as I felt. Something in Gene's eyes told me that he wanted to speak with me. I nodded my head imperceptibly, hoping that he picked up on the movement. Before I could see if he had, Dick started talking to us.

"Alright, we're going to start moving the wounded to the back. I want you guys to go straight to the aid station so that we can start taking care of these men," Winters said, his icy blue eyes commanding but gentle at the same time. I could see that he was still spent from having to coax all of us out of the ditches before the attack. Guilt pulsed through me, but I followed Gene and Spina out of town. The time for talking would have to come later.

**Ron's POV**

"Alright, D Company, let's move in there. Easy needs help with their wounded, so that's what we'll be doing," the Dog Company Commander shouted out to all of us crouching in the fields leading in to Carentan. Easy, being the main assault company, had been ordered into the town to capture it. Dog and Fox had been put in reserve. For the last few hours, all I had been left to do was sit and think. I knew that would be a bad idea. The entire time, I had thought of nothing but Rebecca. Her silken, ebony hair flowing through my fingers. Her eyes that looked like the ocean under a cloudless sky. Her soft skin and pink lips. Ever since I'd walked away from her, I didn't feel like myself. I felt lost and weak. I hated the feeling and some part of me hated her for making me feel this way. How was I going to get over her? How could I sit by and watch him wiggle himself farther into her arms?

It had been stupid to walk away from her, I realized. Anything that felt this horrible had to be a bad idea. And I'd been foolish to think that staying away from her would stop me from loving her. My chest was pounding, the force of it making my entire body throb painfully. I clutched at my chest, trying to rub away the pain. Nothing helped. Not turning my thoughts to something else, not breathing deeply. I wondered that she had infiltrated so far into the fortress around my heart. I knew, walking toward the town where she was, that she would never completely leave my thoughts or my heart. I'd fallen in love with her. Completely and irreversibly. The realization sent chills running up and down my spine. I shouldn't have let this happen. I should have stayed away from her as soon as I saw her. I could wish there was a way to go back and change what I'd done. This was pure torture, watching her with him. Laughing and smiling. All I wanted was to grab her and run off with her over my shoulder. The beast within my chest growled and threatened to overcome every sensible thought in my head when I saw her for the first time since D-Day.

I didn't think it was possible for her to become even more beautiful, but she had. Albeit, dirt and blood caked her uniform, her face, her hands. Other than that, though, she was still the same. She wasn't looking at me and I let my feelings for her overwhelm me for a moment. It sent a jolt of electricity through me, making my pants strain from the hardening of certain parts of my anatomy. I throbbed for her, my entire body shaking with the force of it. Then, I reined my feelings back into that cold mask that I always tried to maintain. The feelings were pulsing behind my eyes, underneath my skin, but I never let them show on my face. When she met my gaze, however, I thought I might slip. The sorrow and the desire she felt for me was clear in her expression. I saw her pulse ticking madly away in her neck and I pictured myself running my lips over that vein. Feeling that heart beat so close to my own threatened to be the undoing of my steely resolve. I saw her hands clench into fists and I imagined what else she could do with those hands. My manhood pulsed with the thought, making me jolt in pain. I stared at her, terrified that she could have this kind of effect on me from so far away. Turning away, I knew that I had to get away from her. Rushing through my men, I hid myself at the back of the group. My chest was heaving, my heart pounding, and my forehead was slick with sweat. The woman was going to be the death of me, I had no doubts about that.

**Becca's POV**

I gripped the forceps in my fingers, glancing up at Dick with a guilty expression on my face. I could see that he was feeling incredibly stupid for getting wounded. But I knew that there was also no chance of convincing him that it was just an accident and he hadn't done anything wrong.

"This is going to hurt," I told him, my teeth worrying my bottom lip. He waved me off. I could see from the stance of his shoulders and the expression of utter concentration on his face that he was bracing himself for the pain. I shrugged my shoulders, trying to relax my muscles so that I wouldn't hurt him too much. I focused on the metal showing pale through a thin layer of his skin. I grabbed it and pulled it out, fast and efficiently. It elicited a small hiss from Dick , but other than that, he hadn't showed any signs of feeling anything. I motioned for him to hold out the pan by his bed and he did as I asked. I dropped it in, shuddering at the sound of metal hitting metal.

"You're lucky it was a ricochet, Dick," I told him quietly. He stared at the metal as if it had personally offended him before placing the tray back on the stand beside the cot.

"Stupid," he muttered. I looked up at him and took his hand for a minute. Winters met my eyes and smiled down at me weakly.

"You weren't stupid, sir. It happens to the best of us. I mean, look at me," I said as I held my hands out to show that I'd gotten myself in way over my head. He laughed at me, and that's all I could have asked for. I let go of his hand and focused again on cleaning his wound, "And, sir?"

"Yeah?"

"I know you probably won't listen to me, but try to stay off it as much as you can," I said, sending him a knowing laugh. He smirked, or as close to that action as he would get, and then turned his gaze on someone who was moving toward us. I could see them from the corner of my eye and heard them before I really saw them.

"Hey, Dick, what's the plan?" Buck asked Winters, his blue eyes scanning over the work I was doing before finally resting on our CO. Dick sighed, visibly gritting his teeth as I cleaned the wound with alcohol.

"Well, the Germans aren't gonna let Carentan go without a counterattack. We're moving out in a few hours to head for higher ground so we'll be ready for them," Dick said, looking between Buck and me while I bandaged his leg. I had to wonder just how many men would die for us to keep Carentan. The thought made chills run up and down my spine. I could see that both Dick and Buck were thinking along the same lines.

We were walking in the fields around Carentan, preparing to set up a defensive position against the enemy. I was walking in silence beside Bill and Toye, who were joking about always being the main assault team for 2nd Battalion.

"Ya know, it's ridiculous that Fox and Dog are both always in reserve. If they keep this up, all of Easy is gonna die before the war ends," Toye said, glancing at us both with a genial grin. I rolled my eyes at the two of them. Bill elbowed Joe in the ribs.

"Yeah, Joe, well the two of us won't be killed. And I guarantee I'll make it back to the States before you," Bill said, turning their discussion into even more of a joke. I watched Joe's face light up. He glanced at me and jerked his head at me.

"Hey, Smalls, what do you think? Should we make bets on who gets back to the States first?" I chuckled at the two of them, the sound suddenly drowned out by the hailstorm of artillery and machine gun fire that descended on Easy. We all scattered, like cockroaches in the face of a light. Bill grabbed my hand, not hesitating for even a second, and ran full-speed toward the ditches off to our right. I followed him, my chest tight and throbbing with fear. Adrenaline rushed through my system, tilting the world on its axis so that I fell against Bill's chest. I clung to him, my chest heaving and my heart pounding faster than it ever had before.

"Becca," Bill said, his lips close to my right ear. I was shielded slightly from everyone else in the ditch. I took comfort in that fact and pressed myself closer to his warmth. I wanted to cry and scream, but he kept me from doing that. I realized in many ways that if it weren't for Bill, I'd have gone round the bend a long time ago.

"Becca, it's okay. We're fine," Bill whispered against my cheek. His lips vibrated over my skin for a moment before finally touching me. Electricity shot from that point and flowed through me. Warmth pooled in my veins and flowed down to the most intimate part of my body. I shuddered beside him, but he held me tightly to his chest. His lips flowed across my cheek, slowly moving down the column of my neck. I was suddenly glad of the loud explosions going on around us. I let a moan rip through my throat.

"Bill," I muttered his name like a prayer. The softness of his lips invoked such a contrast in me than what I had been feeling only a moment ago. Or was it a few minutes ago? Time seemed to blend and melt together until I no longer knew who I was, where I was, or who I was with. All I knew was pleasure and the possibilities of our bodies covered in a sheen of sweat and our chests heaving in exertion.

As quickly as it began, Bill pulled away. I realized that since we'd found each other on D-Day, he'd still not kissed me. I wondered about that. He looked down at me, his eyes turned nearly black in his lust. He smiled down at me. It was predatory, as if at any moment he would pounce on me and never let up. I didn't mind in the slightest. If we hadn't been in the middle of an attack and the promise of a warm bed awaited us, I would not have hesitated in letting him take me for his own. Lurking beneath the surface of my own desire, I felt something warmer and longer-lasting. It was a feeling of peace and comfort. In the circle of his arms, I knew nothing could ever harm me, and I knew that he would do everything he could to always keep me out of harm's way. I stared at Bill, letting these feelings consume me for just a moment. It bubbled through my system, so potent and searing that I believed I would drown in it before being wrenched back to reality. I sighed and then opened my eyes again. Bill was turned toward the others now and the sounds of artillery were dying now.

"When do you think we're going to get the call to start digging in?" Luz asked from somewhere farther down the line. Someone dropped down beside me. I glanced over, seeing Nixon's grin leering at me. His black eyes were glittering as he gazed over my head before finally settling his sights on me. He elbowed me in the ribs.

"Nice to see one of our medics made it okay," he said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, nice to see that we didn't lose our intelligence officer either, Lieutenant," I said, feeling my own grin start to twist my lips skyward. He watched me, as if memorized. It was Bill's voice that seemed to wake him of his trance.

"Sir, is there something you needed to tell us?" Bill asked. I glanced at him, seeing how his eyes were blazing with something I couldn't place. Worry maybe. Nixon rubbed his face, his gaze falling on everything but me.

"Er, yeah. Winters wants all of you guys dug in before nightfall. No more than three to a hole," he said before crawling out of the ditch and walking off toward where Winters must have been. I glanced at Bill. He was looking down at me in relief. I knew better than to ask him what he was thinking while we were still so close to everyone else. So, I let it go, instead standing up and crawling over the side of the ditch. Bill followed me silently. I tried to ignore the suspicions in my chest. Nixon wasn't blind and he certainly wasn't stupid. It wouldn't take him very long before he figured out that I was a woman. I tried to be worried about the fact that the number of men in the company who knew what I really was was steadily growing. I did try, but it seemed as if something was keeping me from getting too anxious about it. I just had to believe that everything would work out. I had to believe that I wouldn't be sent back to the States.

Bill grabbed my hand as we looked for a place to dig our hole. My heart skipped a beat and my throat seemed to close up with my desire.

"Bill, you've got to stop doing that," I said, my voice so shaky that it didn't sound like me anymore. Bill stopped walking, bringing my own feet to a stop. He glanced around and seeing that there was no one around us, stepped closer to me. His body was flush with my own and his eyes were blazing with excitement again.

"Stop doing what, Becca?" Bill asked, his voice husky inside my ear. His fingers played lightly against the column of my neck and I tilted my head back to give him better access. His lips followed the trail of his calloused fingertips. I shuddered, my hands coming up to grip his shoulders so that I could remain on my feet. My entire body was quivering with delighted trepidation and I knew that if he kept doing this to me, there would be no stopping our frenzy of passion.

"Oh God, Bill. Please," I whispered, frantic and desperate. Bill's arms ensnared my waist and pulled me even closer. I'd never done this before, but I had the urge to wrap my legs around his hips.

"Please, what?" he asked, his fingers gripping me so tightly that I knew that I would bruise. But I didn't care. It felt so good, so _right_ that I didn't have the heart to tell him to be gentle.

"Kiss me," I pleaded, trying my best to fight him so that I could bring his lips down to mine. He pushed back, teasing and nipping his way achingly slowly up my neck to my jaw. I shuddered with lust and felt a panic rise in me that I had never known. There was only the need to kiss him, to fulfill that trembling want. Finally, he pulled away from me. I licked my dry lips, needing him so badly. He stared at me, the desire in his eyes reflecting my own feelings. Then, he bent forward and captured my lips in a searing kiss. For a moment, the only thing that filled my sight, my hearing, and my mind was Ron. Of what I was dooing with another man. But a second later, all thoughts of him were swept away.

It was everything that I hoped it would be. Filled with such passion, such force that it knocked the breath from my lungs. Bill was building something within me, almost as if our joined lips had a direct affect on the warmth pooling between my thighs. I gripped him tighter, my hands going anywhere they could find. In his hair, along his strong arms, cupping the back of his neck. It was only when his own hands slid down my waist to settle on my ass when I noticed that my legs were wrapped around him. And pressed so hard and firm against me was his manhood. I didn't know what to think of it. But I felt elation that I was able to bring that out in him. That I wasn't the only one having such a forceful reaction to the other. I pulled away from a moment to catch my breath. My lips were tingling and my heart was pounding so fast that it was all I could hear.

"Becca," he whispered against my neck, "I love you." I waited for the terror to consume me. But what I felt terrified me even more. I could feel something inside me settle and the urge to return his love almost overtook me. I pulled away from him, seeing his dark eyes sparkling in the pale light of the forest.

"Oh Bill," I said, leaning forward and burying my face in his chest. Ron's face flashed before my closed eyelids. He was why I couldn't say it back. But oh how I wanted to.

**PLEASE tell me I haven't lost all my wonderful, amazing, awesome fans. *puppy dog eyes* You wouldn't believe how awful going a whole week without talking to any of you was. Seriously, I was going crazy and I know its sad that I've gotten that addicted to , but it is so true. I don't care how pathetic it is lol. THANK YOU SO MUCH for everyone whose been reviewing. Seriously-I wish I could remember everyone's name without having to check it over again. You know who you are and I love all of you. And a super huge thank you to my unofficial beta captain ty. Don't know what or where this story would be without her. :)**

**Anywho...here's another chapter. And my God, trust me this chapter had me and my muse so flustered. Guarnere fans you know why. *grin* I'm telling you-more of you should really start voting for poor Bill in the poll on my profile. Winters has the majority of the votes lol. Come on guys! Speaking of my profile I updated it today and since it's summer now, I'll be updating it pretty regularly so if you ever want to know what's going on with me or whatever, just go there. :D **

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Easy Company. I have the utmost respect for them and the only things I own are my OCs as well as any plot lines you don't already recognize. **


	21. Don't Wake Me

_Don't wake me_

_Cause I don't wanna leave this dream_

_Don't wake me_

_Cause I never seem to stay asleep_

_I know when its you I'm dreaming of_

_I don't wanna wake up_

"_Don't Wake Me" by Skillet_

**Becca's POV**

I heard his heavy breathing in my ears and a few tears escaped my closed eyelids. His fingers rubbed gently against my hair. I felt so much love and so much contentment in his touch. He didn't demand that I return his feelings. He didn't do anything but hold me as I cried.

"Becca, it's alright," he said quietly, squeezing me once before pulling away from me. Panicking, my fingers tightened on the front of his uniform.

"Bill, don't leave," I said, my voice raising several octaves. My voice seemed to spark something in him. He pulled me back to him and kissed me on the forehead. Heat rose in my cheeks and he smiled against my skin.

"Becca, it's okay that you don't feel the same way. I just...I wanted you to know how I felt about you. Before we go any further with this," Bill told me. I looked up at him in wonder. I'd never had this before. I'd never had a man who wanted nothing from me than to let me know how he felt. I'd never had a man period want me for anything other than the object of his insults. It was nice and different and I felt that feeling rise up in me again. It vibrated along my skin, making my hand cup his cheek. He closed his eyes, his lips parting slightly as he sighed heavily. I memorized the lines of his face, smiling when I saw a few scars on his cheek and forehead. I traced them, judging his reaction. He shivered, as if me touching them made them real again. Made him remember things that maybe he didn't want to. I leaned forward, placing my lips chastely on his own. I tried to pour my soul into that one feather-light brush of skin on skin. Tried to show him that I did love him, in my own way, but that I just wasn't ready to acknowledge that yet.

I pulled away slowly, trying to savor the feel of his body pressed against my own for as long as I could. I turned around, moving out of the comfort of his embrace, and started to dig our fox hole. For a few minutes, I heard nothing from where he stood. Finally, he walked over and started digging along with me. We stood in companionable silence. I looked at him every once in a while, a smile playing about my lips. A few times, we met each others gaze. I wondered how I could have missed the way he felt about me. And for once, I was able to keep my thoughts off of Ron.

Darkness had descended on us. It had taken about an hour for Bill and I to dig our foxhole. We were settled against the wall of our hole, snuggled against each other. His face was pressed into my hair and his fingers were playing lightly against the back of my hand.

"You know, Becca, you never told me where you were from," Bill said, "Come to think of it, you never really talk that much about your past." I looked up at him, my cheek settling lightly against the crook of his neck. I opened my mouth several times, but only ended up looking off in the distance. How could I answer him when what I could tell him was so beyond the possibilities of our imaginings? How could I tell him that I had been born forty years into the future?

"Bill, you wouldn't believe me even if I told you," I said, smiling humorlessly at my own statement. He wouldn't believe it. There were days when I didn't even believe that I was really here. Living history, the history that my father had talked to me about for hours upon hours without growing bored. I had to wonder if me coming back to the past was all a part of some preordained chain of events. Or if it was just chance, simply a glitch in time. I shook my head, trying not to think about it too hard. It made my head ache. My temples began to throb uncomfortably and I snuggled in tighter against Bill's chest. Until the sound of someone yelling wrenched me from his arms. I clutched my chest, trying to silence the sudden frantic beating of my heart.

"What the hell was that?" Bill asked, his voice strained and filled with worry. I motioned for him to stop talking. We listened, both of us tensed for what might be happening. Then, I heard the faint call for a medic.

"Oh, God, someone's been hurt," I whispered, my fingers playing along the strap of my medical bag. Before I could crawl out of the foxhole, Bill grabbed my wrist.

"Becca, you know there are two other medics in Easy right?" he asked, his eyes showing me what his words did not. I could see the worry and the fear. I stepped closer to him, my lips brushing lightly against the stubble covering his cheeks.

"Bill, you have to let me go sometimes. I don't care if there are two other medics. I have to go and see if I can help with whatever it is," I told him. I didn't know if it would work, but I had to try. Seeing him so worried terrified me. He was Wild Bill, a man with a reputation almost as tainted as Ron's. I wondered at the fact that I could make him feel so much when he'd been fearless on D-Day. When he'd been so fueled by anger and hatred that he'd killed a whole line of German's by himself. I cupped his cheek and he closed his eyes at the sensation.

"Let me go, Bill," I whispered against his skin. A moment passed in which I had no idea what his reaction would be. But, at long last, his fingers loosened from my wrist until I was able to pull away. I turned around, not sparing him a glance as I hurried away. I knew that looking back at him would just send me running back into his arms. I couldn't afford that right now, not when I'd worked so hard to make him see that I had a job to do here. There was a reason that I was here. Maybe it was to save someone that otherwise wouldn't have been.

The darkness surrounded me in a thick blanket and the sounds of someone singing in the darkness could be heard through our patch of forest. I strained my ears to catch some of the song, but found that it didn't sound like any American's voice I'd ever heard.

"What the hell are they singing about?" a voice sounded behind me. I opened my mouth to scream, but then a familiar set of arms wrapped around my waist and pulled my body into their chest. Their lips skimming along the curve of my neck made my breath hitch in my throat. Speech escaped me and I felt my knees growing weak as Ron continued his soft but forceful kisses along my skin.

"Ron?" I asked, my chest already heaving from what he was doing with his lips. I didn't understand how he could make me feel this way with just a kiss. Heat rushed across my skin and I felt droplets of moisture beading along my brow.

"Yes?" he asked between kisses. He shifted his arms so that he could turn me around toward him. In the darkness, I saw that his black eyes were glinting in the dim light. As always, his emotions were barred from me and I tried to feel terrified that I had no idea what he was thinking. All thoughts were wiped from my own mind however when he leaned toward me. My eyes closed automatically, but his lips weren't touching mine yet. I moaned in protest, my hands snaking up his arms toward the back of his head. It was maddening, being so close to him yet not able to touch him. That madness stroked things low in my body. I tried to step closer, to try and make him see that him kissing me was the most natural thing in the world. My pulse jumped against the side of my neck and my eyes seemed to be frozen shut. I waited for a breath-taking moment for him to do something, anything. For him to say something. I could feel some part of me die when I realized that he might just leave me again like he had on D-Day. Wanting him, needing him so much that it felt like my insides were being ripped apart.

"If I kiss you, are you going to be thinking about him?" Ron asked me, his voice husky. I could feel the weight of his desire in that question, could feel the restraint he was putting on himself by keeping those few inches between us. I considered his question, my mind doing front flips and cartwheels. I couldn't focus on any one thing except the need to have him pressed against me. I shook my head, but his fingers tightened in my hair. He pulled it slightly, why I didn't know but it made me open my eyes. What I saw took my breath away again. He was looking down at me, his heart and soul bare for me to read in those black orbs. There was so much raw need, so much raw desire in his eyes that it made me throb again in lust. I made to cup his cheek and this time, he let me. I stroked his stubble-covered cheek from his lips to his ear. I felt the way he shuddered against me and I gave him a small smile.

"I could never think about him while you're kissing me," I told him, my yearning overtaking every thought and every action. And the moment I said it, I knew it was true. This was the man that I had been dreaming about for two years. Unable to touch him, to quench those burning fires of desire in my body. Now he was here. Alive and so close that one heavy sigh would bring his lips crashing down on mine. His eyes looked at me. The world was spinning beneath our feet when he bent his lips to mine. It was soft at first, gentle and hesitant. Almost as if he couldn't believe that he was really kissing me. Something filled me then, something that made my heart speed in my chest and my fingers to tighten on the front of his uniform. It was desire and yet it wasn't at all. I realized that I had been waiting for this so long and it made something in me settle in a breathy sigh of relief. His arms tightened on my waist and I felt his low, masculine moan roll through his mouth and through me in return. I pulled away, feeling my lungs constricting painfully with the force of our passion.

"Ron," I muttered, wrapping my legs around his waist. He held me tightly for a moment, his head laying on my chest. He listened to the erratic rhythm of my heart.

"Rebecca, I need you so bad," he said, the admonition so soft that I wondered if I hadn't imagined it. But then I noticed something hard and firm pressing itself so intimately to my body. I shuddered against him, biting down on my lip to keep myself from crying out. I buried my head in his neck, my lips finding his skin immediately. I placed lingering kisses there, showing him what I would not acknowledge out loud. I could only hope that he would get my message, that he would realize what I couldn't tell him. He stood there, holding me so tightly that I knew I would bruise. I didn't care though. All that mattered was that finally, the world seemed to be on its axis. I was finally exactly where I wanted to be.

The moment was quickly shattered, however. I heard the trees behind us rustling and Ron froze beneath my lips.

"God dammit," he muttered before placing me back on the ground and disappearing into the darkness. I started after him, but he was gone from sight in an instance. He didn't make any noise either as he walked away. My heart seemed to break and I was filled with such desperation that I fell to my knees. Why did he keep doing this to me? Utter despair choked me, making my chest heave and my heart to pound in my ears in my desperation to get air into my lungs. Was I that worthless to him? Did I mean so little to him that he could just leave me without a second thought? I wrapped my arms around my chest, feeling my soul rip itself apart at the knowledge that maybe Ron didn't feel the same way about me that I did. Perhaps I'd been wrong about him all along.

_But there's still Bill _I reminded myself. I shook my head. I felt the tears pooling in my eyes, the salty droplets falling abandoned and forgotten to the grass beneath me. If I was being honest with myself, I would never feel the same way for Bill that I would with Ron. I couldn't place my finger on what it was, but there was just something so incredibly right about being with Ron. Yes, I loved Bill, but they were two different men. And I felt very different about the both of them. It was something that I knew with all my heart and soul to be true. And it terrified me.

**Ron's POV**

I stood in the shadows of the trees, watching her wrap her arms around her chest. It made my chest tighten to see her so sad. I could see the rivulets falling, unrelenting, to the ground at her feet. I couldn't believe that I had done this to her again. My lips were still tingling from the feel of her soft lips on my own. My skin was heated, and my pants were uncomfortably tight. The urge to relieve myself was so great and I could feel my fingers moving toward my pants. Bile filled my throat as I thought about it. Touching myself, looking at her sitting there as she wallowed in misery was so wrong. So perverse and I couldn't believe that I had considered doing it. I really was the monster that the rest of the men imagined me to be. I was toying with her emotions and all I wanted to do was keep her close to me.

I realized in that moment that I was very much out of my element. I'd never done this before, I'd never been in love. And here she was, alive and warm sitting only a few short feet away from me. I turned away, my thoughts swirling endlessly. What was happening to me? Was I going mad?

I felt my soul ripping itself to pieces as I walked away. Even when I could no longer hear her desperate sobs in reality, they echoed in my mind. They acted as a knife stabbing me through my heart. What was I doing? I should be back there holding in her my arms, reassuring her that I really did love her. As that thought ran through my mind, I had to wonder if that was why I ran away from her. Maybe I was still trying to deny just how I felt about her. Maybe loving her scared me more than I was willing to admit to myself.

**Becca's POV**

**June 13, 1944**

"Alright boys, we might be attacking a weaker force. Maybe more paratroopers," Welsh told the gathered group. He was looking at his map, his eyebrows furrowed and the tip of his tongue sticking out. I glanced at all the men around us. Perconte, Hoobler, Bill, Martin. Their faces were covered with dirt and dried sweat. I knew I didn't look any better. The last time I'd bathed was more than a week ago. I was disgusting and I knew that I couldn't be much to admire. Yet, Bill was still shooting me longing glances. I could feel his eyes shifting from Welsh to me every few minutes. And the back of his hand was laying dangerously close to my own. I'd gone back to our foxhole after what Ron did to me. Bill hadn't asked questions, he'd just opened his arms to me. I hadn't cried after that, just snuggled in closer to him. I'd felt safe in the circle of his arms, safe and comforted. I wondered how long I could keep this up. Kissing Bill and then kissing Ron. It was too much and Ron was more than confusing. I couldn't let him keep doing that to me. I wouldn't. Even now, with Bill next to me, my chest was tight and every breath pained me. When Bill's hand brushed against my own, I returned to the present. I focused back on Welsh, who was looking at Hoobler now.

"Yeah, and you know how they can be," he said, grinning at his own joke. I chuckled appreciatively.

"Fire and maneuver, that's the name of the game." We all looked closer to him, something in all of us making us alert and tense, "Dog and Fox Company will be on our left flank moving with us. Any questions?" We shook our heads and Welsh looked up at the sky, biting his lip. He seemed satisfied with our answers and grabbed his gear.

"Let's make 'em holler." We followed his lead, standing up. The guys grabbed their guns and helmets, preparing to surge back into another fight. Perconte looked at the row of watches on his left arm.

"It's nine thirty in the evening back home," he said. The information brought on a moment of silence, as if each of them was wondering just what their families were doing. It was these moments that were the most painful. I could see the sadness and regret in each of their eyes. I knew I had to be the only person who didn't want to go back home. I'd never belonged anywhere, not even in my own home. Here, in this place, I'd made friends that I knew I would never forget.

Their thoughts were interrupted by the sudden whistle of artillery falling down on us. I gasped when Bill grabbed my arm and crushed me beneath his body.

"Get down," everyone shouted over the explosions going on around us. Bill pushed himself off of me and we tried to crawl away to find cover. He pulled me into a shallow foxhole off to our left. That's when I saw that the Krauts were raining their wrath down on our left flank too. I tried to quench the fear gripping my heart, but all I could see and feel was Ron. I wondered if last night was the last time I would ever see him. I started to shake with un-shed tears and Bill wrapped his arms around me.

"It's okay," he whispered, kissing my forehead once before standing up and swinging his rifle up to his shoulder. Behind us, I could hear Winters' voice ringing out to all of us. Quiet and reassuring.

"Watch the silhouettes on the horizon, Guarnere. Perconte, Martin let's go!"

I curled into a ball in the foxhole, huddling on the opposite side of Bill. I tried to keep my thoughts blank, but I couldn't help but think of Ron. Was he okay? Had he lost any of his men? Would he get away without getting hurt? Then I heard it, a quiet call for a medic off to our right. I glanced at Bill. I watched his arms shake with the effort to hold his rifle to his shoulder. I tapped him on the leg. When he turned around, I jerked my hand toward the direction of the call that I'd heard.

"Be careful, Becca!" he shouted, fixing me with his gaze for a solid moment. Everything around us blurred together except for his face. His eyes held all the love and warmth for me that he was feeling. I could only smile at him, hoping that everything would be okay. I had to believe that. I had to believe that both of us would make it as I hoisted myself out of our hole. Moving as quickly as I could across the dirt that was being shot upwards by the bullets whizzing around my feet, I finally ended up sliding down beside the wounded private. He was looking up at the canopy of treetops, his eyes glazed and unfocused. I recognized him as one of the men who had been transferred into Easy a few weeks after me.

"Gaines? Private, can you hear me?" I asked him, my voice so soft and scared that it didn't even sound like me. He turned his eyes on me, his smile lighting up his whole face.

"Margaret?" he asked, his hand coming up to entwine with my own. I let him take my hand, letting him believe that I was whoever he wanted me to be. I could see from the blood dribbling down his chin and the way his pupils were two different sizes that he was not long for this world. The loss of it filled my soul and I bent forward so that I could hear what he was saying.

"Margaret, tell mother that I love her and that I hope she's proud of me. Tell her that I'm sorry for all the things I did to her. Tell her that I wish I could have been a better son," he told me. He had tears pouring down his face now, the clear drops mingling with the blood and dirt smearing his face. I nodded silently, droplets falling like sorrow-filled ran onto our entwined hands. He looked at my face, bringing a clammy hand up to caress my cheek.

"Margaret, please don't cry. I can't bear it. Someday, we'll be together again. I need you to think about that day in the future. Know that I'll be waiting for you and our son up there. I love you so much," he whispered, his breath issuing out of his body in a shaky rhythm that sent chills running up and down my spine. The life seemed to leave his eyes and I couldn't help but cry harder at the scene. Here was a man, no older than I was, and he had died in a foreign country. Surrounded by men that he hardly knew, gripping the hand of a woman he thought was his wife.

I wondered how many men would have to suffer this same fate. I wondered how many families, how many wives and children and mothers would be receiving telegrams telling them of their soldier's death by people who simply could not care. Even for the most honorable men, men like Winters, caring meant that every name worked as a knife against your soul. Such things had to be handled with caution, with a distance that would allow for the preservation of the heart and the mind. It was what would keep us all sane and each of us had to accept on our own terms that we were already dead, that we would all be scarred for the rest of our lives no matter what. We all had to live with these wounds, emotional and physical. I don't know what scared me more. The fact that I had accepted this or that others still hadn't.

I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder. That one touch was full of so much. I could feel the truth of it burning sharply against my skin through my uniform. Understanding and comfort wrapped like a vice around the curve of my arm. I realized that whoever it was was pulling me to my feet. I turned my eyes up to their face, feeling the tears pouring down my face.

"Come on, Becca, let's get you out of here," Dick whispered softly, his warm breath blowing like a warm breeze against my face. It calmed me slightly as I let him guide me away from the death lying like a ravaged beast at my back.

**An interesting chapter I thought. Although I have to admit that we really didn't get very far lol. My muse has a tendency of doing that. Also, sorry for the extremely short chapter. I know it's awfully small but the next one will be bigger and of course the drama of which guy Becca will choose continues. :)**

**Thank you so much to everyone who's been reviewing. AivieEnchanted, Dean's Leather Jacket, captain ty, BrokenAngel1753, Roossmit, beccasmind, and rosariomori. I appreciate the reviews, really I do. I'm so happy to have gotten them. And just a heads up to everyone who has me on author alert, I'll be posting two new stories on July 4th in BoB and in The Pacific category. I'm so nervous about the one in TP, but if you're a fan of that miniseries, then please go over and check it out. Maybe possibly leave me a review too. *puppy dog eyes* Oh! Also please, somebody break the tie in my poll so that I can take it the heck off my profile and put up a new one lol. Thank you!**

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Easy Company. The only things I own are my OCs as well as any original plot you don't recognize. **


	22. Pardon Me

_Pardon me while I burst_

_Into flames_

_I've had enough of the world_

_And its people's mindless games_

_So pardon while I burn_

_And rise above the flame_

"_Pardon Me" by Incubus_

**Becca's POV**

**September 8, 1944**

I stood in front of the mirror in my silent room, my blue eyes reflecting back at me with an almost ethereal glow. I hadn't seen myself in a mirror since June and I was still trying to get used to the changes that had overcome me since then. I was thinner, the fat that had stubbornly been sticking to me even after all the rigorous physical training we had been doing since I'd gotten there, had disappeared. Now, however, my body was trim. Lean muscle covered me and I turned this way and that to get a better look at myself. My stomach churned slightly, seeing the yellowing bruises lining my body. They were in various spots, where I'd been shoved around by the other guys in the thick of battle and by throwing myself on the ground whenever I stood up to go and help someone.

Flashes of things that I would rather forget appeared behind my close eyelids, like ghosts flickering in the light of a flame. The face that stood out most was of Private Gaines. He'd been haunting my dreams for the past three months and nothing I did could get rid of the thoughts of him. His last words were always ringing in my ears, filling me with such sorrow that sometimes, it became impossible to breathe. I couldn't believe that I was still stuck on that. After everything that I'd rationalized about not focusing on those that had been killed, here I was doing exactly that. I think I knew the only way to get rid of it. But I wasn't ready for that yet. I think that refusing to write that letter to his family was the only thing that kept me from breaking down completely. God, why couldn't I get over his death? I hadn't even known him very well, so why was it affecting me so?

"Smalls, God damnit, open this door or I'm busting it down!" Bill's muffled voice resounded through the thick wooden slab of my door. I jumped, a gasp ripping through my throat. I heard the doorknob being twisted and turned a moment before it started to open.

"Jesus, Bill, I'm not...decent!" I shouted, running around to grab a towel before he barged in. Just as I'd tightened the damp, white towel around myself, he poked his head around the corner. His grin stretched from ear to ear and the look in his eyes was anything but innocent. I felt my own barely-contained desire for him flare to life. Throbbing suddenly with need, I turned away from him to calm the pounding of my heart. Here was another thing that I wanted to go away. I wanted him so badly it hurt at times, my lust pulsing through me with the force of an electric bolt.

"You really shouldn't have said that," Bill told me, inching into the room as quietly as he could before closing the door behind himself. I stared at him, suddenly deathly afraid of him for the first time. Of what he was doing to me, of what he was making me feel.

"Bill," I said, trying to sound hesitant. Instead, his name flowed as a husky moan from my lips. It made him close his eyes, his whole frame trembling with the effort to keep his steady pace toward me. With every step forward, my knees grew more weak and my head began to spin. I closed my eyes, keeping my balance by grabbing the edge of the chair at the vanity desk behind me. His warmth soon mingled with my own and I gasped when I felt his fingers wound around my wrist.

"Bill, I don't think-I don't know if I-," I stuttered, but his lips cut off the rest of my sentence. His touch cut off everything. All thought, all the breath in my lungs, left me in that instant. The world narrowed into the feel of the man in front of me. He backed us up until my back hit the desk. My heart began to pound unnaturally fast in my chest, pounding relentlessly against the confines of my body. And a feverish heat spread across my skin, spreading like a wild fire inside of me. I moaned, the sound caught by his expert lips. He was building something within me. Something that made the molten fire shoot to the junction between my thighs and my hands to snake up his arms to twist my fingers into his thick, black hair. It was his turn to moan. He pressed himself more forcefully against me, pushing me onto the surface of the desk. He stood between my legs, the proof of his arousal pressing against me, demanding my attention. Experimentally, one of my hands trailed slowly down his body toward his core. He licked eagerly along my bottom lip, asking for entrance and apparently completely unaware of what I was about to do. It made it all the more thrilling when he bucked sharply into my hand, his masculine groan rolling through me and pushing me to the edge of that blissful precipice I found myself on. His fingers tightened on my waist and for a long and happy moment I believed that he was going to fulfill my wishes. I thought that he was going to break this awful, beautiful, sweet tension between us. Then, he pulled away, sweeping his hands through his mussed hair.

"My God, Rebecca," he choked out, his Philly accent hoarse and scratchy in his throat, "You are going to be the death of me." I just stared at him, knowing that I could say the same thing about him. He was teasing me so, my body still humming from the thrill of his lips and his hands. How could he turn away so easily when every nerve in my body longed to go to him, to wrap my arms around him and never let go? Suddenly, hurt and hesitance washed through my system. What if the reason he kept pulling away was that he didn't want me as strongly as I wanted him? What if he didn't crave me like that yet?

"Bill," I muttered, my lips trembling as tears gathered behind my eyes. I could understand that he didn't want me. I'd been accustomed to it my entire life, but it didn't lessen the sting. I hugged my chest, willing the tears to vanish before Bill saw them. I didn't want him to feel sorry for me and I didn't want him to be my knight in shining armor just this once. I wanted him as a woman wants a man. It didn't matter that I was a virgin or that maybe in the very back of my mind, I wasn't ready for that level of intimacy just yet. I didn't care about any of it, because even if I hadn't said it to him, I loved Bill. With the whole of my being I loved him and I wanted to show him that. I couldn't bear to tell him, not yet. And making love to him just seemed the only option I had left.

"Becca, don't cry," Bill said, his voice still hoarse but gaining back its normalcy as he rushed to my side again. He cupped my face in his hands, forcing me to gaze upwards into his eyes, "Please don't cry, Becca."

"How can I not when you don't want me, Bill?" I asked him, resisting the urge to clap my hand over my mouth and flee from his grasp. I couldn't believe I'd just said that out loud. I closed my eyes tightly, willing the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I felt Bill's hands tense on my cheeks and immediately wished I could learn to keep my mouth shut. I'd guarded my feelings for so long from everyone, even my own mother, that it almost felt as though loving Bill made the floodgates open. I didn't know who I was anymore. Just a ball of pent-up emotions, frustrated desire and forlorn hesitancy. I wished I could be different, but I guess after being treated like nothing for so long, it was good to be noticed and I would have done almost anything to keep Bill by my side.

"Becca, I do want you," Bill replied, his voice so soft I had a hard time believing it was really him. Wild Bill Guarnere gone soft. It made me open my eyes and stare into the dark orbs that he had fixated on me. His face was filled with so much. Anger that I would believe such a thing, unsureness because he didn't know how to make me see. I bent forward, capturing his lips in a delicate, chaste kiss. I could feel it in his touch that he wanted me. His entire frame shook with the effort to keep his hands on my face and to not explore my body again. He pulled away first and my eyelids lingered closed before flickering open. Now there was hesitancy in his own face.

"You know, it's hard to believe that someone like you would want me too," he said. For a moment, a haunting desperation filled every line of his face. I wrapped my arms around him, pressing his cheek to my chest. I couldn't look at those emotions in the face. How did you tell someone that they meant more to you than anything else in the world? How did you tell them that when it wasn't entirely true?

I couldn't believe that even in such a tender moment, Ron's face swam just above the surface of my thoughts, taunting me with his black eyes and his dangerous smirk. His thick, dark hair and the lean muscle covering ever inch of his body. I shuddered against Bill, wishing to God that I didn't feel like I was betraying him by being here, in a towel no less with another man. As if he could unconsciously read my thoughts, Bill pulled away from me and took a few steps back. The air between us suddenly thickened. With things unsaid and deeds undone. I was nearly choking by the time his lips parted and words flowed through my ears.

"You should get dressed, Becca. The rest of the boys are probably already at the pub drinkin'," Bill said, a ghost of a smirk showing on his face before he turned around and walked toward the door. I let him go, knowing that a few minutes alone was just what I needed to cool my shattered nerves.

The pub was filled with smoke and bodies clad in dress uniforms. I was no different and I realized that the uniform lay limply along my form. I shook my head, wondering just how thin I would get by the time this war ended. The only thing that kept me from slipping into my thoughts entirely was Bill's fingertips tracing patterns on the back of my hand. After the steamy make-out session from earlier, this was more than innocent. Thought it still filled me with that burning desire that he always seemed to be able to build within me. I looked over my shoulder in a vain attempt to distract myself. Buck, Toye, and Luz were shooting darts with one of the new replacements, Heffron. I saw Bill shoot him a wink. The two were both from Philadelphia and they'd become fast friends. I smiled up at him and I saw suspicion in his eyes. I knew that he wasn't dense and he seemed to notice a lot. I stopped looking at him, terrified that he'd figure me out soon enough. Bill's hand tightened around my own. It was almost as if he was perfectly in tune with all of my thoughts and feelings. I could feel comfort and understanding in his touch and I fought not to lean over and kiss his cheek. If that wouldn't give me away, I couldn't be sure what would.

Some days, I wished everyone just knew my secret. It would make living in this time so much easier. I felt the sorrow choking me again. I pulled away from Bill, knowing that my attempts to distract myself were not working in the slightest. I leaned toward him, my lips close to his ear. It was the only way that he would be able to hear me over the noisy soldiers in the pub, but I also got a sense of satisfaction when I felt him shiver with lust.

"Can I get you another beer?"

"Y-yeah," he replied. It surprised me that I could make him stutter when he was one of the toughest men in the entire 506th. I grinned, making sure that he couldn't see it, before turning around and going up to the bar. I could feel his eyes glued to me and I wondered if he could still feel the sexual tension from this far away. Lord knew I could. I could feel another set of eyes on me, off to my left. I could feel the burning curiosity in that gaze and knew at once who it was. I refused to turn and meet his eyes. Not after the way he'd left me in the middle of the woods, wholly unsatisfied and wanting him more than I ever had before. Instead, I sidled up to the bar and waited patiently for the old man behind the counter to notice me. He sent me a grateful smile before walking over to me. His bright green eyes and soft smile reminded me of my father. I was forced to swallow my emotions before I cleared my throat to speak.

"Can I have two bears, please?" I asked him. He considered me for a moment, a look that was too wise for comfort, before turning on his heel and going to get me what I asked for. I stood there, slightly astounded, until someone's hand landed on my arm. I flinched, my body tensing in the hold of the man next to me. I glanced up at whoever it was, terrified of who it would be. My heart was beating so fast and my chest was heaving by the time my eyes fell on the ginger hair and icy blue orbs belonging to Dick Winters. I sighed shakily, my hand finding its way to my chest.

"God, Lieutenant, you scared me," I said, licking my dry lips. I caught the ghost of a smirk that flitted along his lips before it faded from his face. Without really having to think about it, my fingers landed gently on his hand.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, er, but I do need to talk to you about something," Dick replied. I could see the rapid ticking of his pulse in his neck. My eyes seemed drawn to that point, my mouth going dry as my mind whirled with what he could possibly have to talk to me about. I wasn't able to think about it too long. The boys started yelling at me to come back.

"Come on, Smalls! Let's see how good you are at darts," Luz shouted, motioning me over with his right hand. His left hand held a cigarette which nearly hit Buck in the face in his excitement. Buck grabbed his wrist, making Luz twist around.

"I want to keep this pretty face just like it is, Sergeant," Buck said, a smirk playing on his lips. I rolled my eyes at them and turned back around. When I saw the look on Dick's face, I almost wished I hadn't. His blue gaze was fixed on the men over my shoulder. He was smiling, softly at first. But it grew, almost as if some great truth was being unraveled before his eyes.

"Dick?" I asked him, keeping my voice quiet. I knew he heard me when he jumped slightly next to me. His icy orbs fell on me and he smiled again.

"I'll let you have your fun for tonight, Becca, but I want you to meet me at the park in town tomorrow so that we can talk about some things, okay?" I nodded and then he swept away with all the poise and grace that he possessed. At least that had not changed. Even when he was limping because of the ricochet he'd caught in Carentan, he could walk like that. I wondered about it. Maybe it wasn't the way he was built, but the way that he naturally held himself. The man exuded respect and confidence. I stared at his retreating back as if hypnotized. Any woman would be lucky to have him. I smiled at the thought before turning around to go back to the table with the drinks. The rest of them were watching Buck aim at the board, but Bill watched me walk toward them. There was something in his gaze that set my blood boiling and my chest rising and falling in rapid succession. There was that passion that he had shown me earlier in my bedroom, but there were also those things that I knew would last a life time. Understanding, comfort, love. My heart lurched at the knowledge that the man before me loved me. I still hadn't gotten up the courage to tell him that I felt the same way. Maybe now that we were back in England, I would find the perfect opportunity to do it. The butterflies in my stomach flitted their wings at the possibilities.

Bill rose to meet me, his fingers quickly brushing against my own as he took the glass. My eyes slipped closed for a moment, reveling in the shivers that rolled up and down my spine at those small pinpoints of connection between our bodies. A bright flush flooded into my cheeks and my breath hitched in my throat. Then just as suddenly as he touched me, he pulled away. I wanted to follow him, to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him right then and there. The room of uniforms who thought I was really a man be damned. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do this for much longer. I shook my head, trying to rid my mind of the depressing thoughts bouncing around up there. I let a sigh shake my thin frame before following Bill to stand beside Heffron. His red hair reflected the dim lighting and the cigarette he'd been smoking was soon put out when I settled between him and Bill. He looked down at me and sent me a small smile which made my stomach drop. In that one look, I saw the truth. He knew exactly what I was. Oh, he wasn't bold enough to say it out loud, but he knew. Just one more person to add to the growing list. My situation was becoming impossible. Before I knew it, every man in the company would know the truth.

I turned my attention to Buck, hoping he would be able to distract me from myself. He leveled the dart to his eyesight and exhaled slowly. I noticed that he was shooting with his left hand and I had to bite down a grin. The sneaky dog. I noticed the same look I was trying to hide pass over Luz's face. Silent chuckles rolled through me. The two of them must have had a plan this whole time.

"Nice and easy, Lieutenant. We got this," Luz said, his voice ringing through the group right before Buck let the dart shoot through the air. I watched it and had to stifle another laugh when it landed in the black space where no points could be accumulated. The group let out a collective groan. Luz clapped Buck on the back, a wicked gleam in his eyes. He noticed me staring and placed a finger to his lips. I nodded conspiratorially and put a frown on my face.

"You're having a tough night, Buck. People have tough nights," Luz said, taking a cartoon of cigarettes out of his pocket and shoving one into his mouth. Buck smirked and had the skills to try to look a little guilty. I rolled my eyes at the two of them before turning to Bill and Heffron again.

"Sorry, George," Buck replied before reaching around Luz to grab his beer. Bull, who had pulled the darts from the board handed them to Heffron. The red-head took them in hand and sidled up the front of our group. Bill clapped him lightly on the back while he prepared to shoot.

"Double seven," Babe muttered, letting go of the dart which landed exactly where he wanted it too. All of us cheered while Luz and Buck rolled their eyes.

"Jesus, guys, you're embarrassing the Lieutenant here," Bill said with a chuckle, before turning toward the rest of the room. His dark eyes scanned the rest of the pub, finally landing on the table that we'd found Heff sitting at, "Here, want a drink?" He was handing his beer to Heffron, who took it with a smile.

"Don't mind if I do, Sarge."

"Hey!" I gasped reproachfully, a teasing smile on my face, "I worked hard to get that beer for you, Bill. And now you're wasting the thing on a replacement?"Heff choked on his beer, pulling the glass away from his lips for fear of spitting his mouthful of alcohol back into it. Bill laughed, clapping his friend lightly on the shoulder.

"Careful there, Babe," Bill said, unable to keep the amusement out of his voice. Heffron pressed the glass back into his waiting hands and cleared his throat with some difficulty.

"Me be careful? Smalls almost killed me," he said, sharing a smile with me.

"Oh don't be such a drama queen, Babe," I told him, tilting my own glass up to my lips and taking a long swig. The liquid slid down my throat in a burning rivulet. It filled my entire body with a warmth that burned through me and made me smile.

"I think you need to start winning money, your boys are startin' to miss ya," Bill told Heffron, looking pointedly at the three replacements talking together a short distance away.

"Yeah they do look kinda sad don't they?" Heffron asked, smirking as we all looked at their table.

"Hell, they're just serious fightin' men is all," Bull said, lighting up a cigarette just behind me.

"I think I'll just go and introduce myself," Bill said, leaning in closer to all of us so that the three replacements wouldn't hear him. Heffron and I laughed.

"Careful what you say, Bill. It don't take much to set my guys off." Martin, who had just walked over to us, smirked.

"Oh yeah, you've got some real wild-eyed killers over there, Bull," he said, laughing. I patted Bill on the arm as he walked away.

"Be careful," I said, winking at him. He smiled, the action warming my face and making that blush spread across my heated skin. I watched him move through the smoke filling the room and wished that we could be anywhere but here right now. It was too hot, the room filled with too many bodies. It was almost as if Bill carried away with him my ability to breathe. I turned around and came face-to-face with Bull and Martin.

"Hey, will you tell him I went home if he asks?"

"Sure thing, Fields. See you tomorrow," Martin said, tilting his head in my direction. I smiled gratefully and then rushed away. Squeezing myself through all the people, I finally took my first breath of the chilled September air. I turned my head upwards toward the sight of the stars winking down at me. I hadn't seen the stars in a long time and I soaked in every inch of the inky sky. The crescent moon smiled down at me and flooded the road before me with faint slivers of milky light. I smiled as the breeze blew across my face and wandered into the night, unaware of the two people that had followed me out of the pub.

**Ron's POV**

As soon as I saw her leave the pub, I knew I had to follow her. I had to make sure that she at least got home alright. If Britney had noticed anything strange about me wanting to leave all of a sudden, she didn't mention it. I tugged on her hand, my entire body tense with the need to have her back in my sights. It seemed that she had been teasing me all night. The beautiful blush that continually flooded her cheeks. The way she smiled. The way she walked. It was maddening and yet I would give anything to be where her sergeant was. To be so close to her. To be able to touch her hand. It was pure torture and I could feel my pants tightening in response to thinking about her. God how I wished that I could just get her out of my mind.

"Ron, are you okay?" a small voice asked from beside me. All at once, my senses flooded back. We were out of the pub now and the cool fall breeze was caressing me through my dress uniform. The heat coursing through my body dissipated slightly, but not enough for me to forget that I had a perfectly willing woman in my arms right now. Why should I chase after someone else when I had Britney? I turned toward her, my eyes roving over her body with new-found interest. Maybe having my way with her would take away the thoughts of Rebecca. Experimentally, I stepped toward her, my hands wrapping around her waist and pulling her flush against my body. Her eyes closed when she felt my arousal pressed against the inside of her thigh. Her fingers twisted in the front of my uniform.

"Ron," she muttered, her breath blowing softly against the side of my face. I closed my eyes, the image of a softer and smaller body appearing behind my lids. I ran my hands through her silky tresses, replacing the blonde waves with a black as dark as the night sky above us. When Britney's lips touched my own, I felt the most profound longing throb through me. Desperation and guilt coursed through me with the force of a bolt of lightning and I plunged into the black abyss of my own sorrow. If I could not have Becca, I would just have to imagine that the woman in my arms was her instead. I could only hope that it would rid my body of the need and want for her.

**Nice Ron, really romantic. *shakes head* So yeah, tons of sexual tension in this chapter and I just know from all the comments about it that it's driving you crazy as well. But don't worry, we're in England now and things are sure to keep cropping up that puts the characters into interesting situations. *evil laugh***

**Thank you again to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. I decided to post this today because I'll be gone from now until Wednesday night. So if I don't reply to your reviews right away, that would be why. **

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant to the real men of Easy Company. The only things I own are my OCs and any original plot that you don't recognize already. **


	23. All By Myself

_Hard to be sure_

_Sometimes I feel so insecure_

_And love's so distant and obscure_

"_All by Myself" by Eric Clapton_

**Ron's POV**

I was pounding through the woman beneath me, filling her so completely that I'd already brought her several times as I fulfilled my own release. It was Rebecca. Her face, those innocent eyes and beautiful smile, kept flashing before my eyes. Every time it did, I had to ask myself: why was I here with Britney and not her? Why was I torturing myself like this? The hardness of my manhood wilted. I pulled out of the woman before me as she screamed my name to the heavens. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered because having sex with her hadn't closed off my feelings for Rebecca at all. Betraying her had been senseless and stupid, a child's wish. I hadn't understood before, but now I did. My feelings for Rebecca could never go away. I would always feel like this for her. It wouldn't matter what life she chose, with me or her sergeant, she would always make me throb with this undeniable and forsaking love.

I lay back, my eyes shut tightly and the images of this night were replaced by her face again. Every inch of her seemed to demand that I tell her why I had done this. I could have told her so many things. Excuse upon excuse that it didn't matter who was laying beneath me I had only ever seen her. But it didn't rid me of the guilt that I felt.

I rolled over on my side, my mind whirling. I felt Britney reach for me in her sleep and I dodged her searching fingers. I got out of bed and started to put my clothes on. A bleak abjectness filled me to my very core and I had to wonder, when would I stop feeling like this? When was it my turn to sweep Rebecca off her feet? Having all my clothes securely placed, I left the sleeping woman on the bed. I felt no regret, no sorrow at leaving her. And I had to thank God that I hadn't come inside her. If she would have gotten pregnant, there would never have been a chance to get Rebecca back.

I didn't know how to do that anyway. The woman was an enigma. Even from the dreams, I'd never been able to truly figure her out. The only thing that seemed to matter was that I loved her. With my very heart and soul I yearned for her. I wanted to be the man she ran to with her problems, I wanted to be the one to wipe the tears from her eyes. What had I done to deserve this pain and how could I possibly redeem myself? I had to wonder what it would take to make her see that she was supposed to be with me. I couldn't help but feel that the answer was on the tip of my tongue, waiting to be discovered. But I just couldn't think past my own grief long enough to see what it was.

**Becca's POV**

**September 8, 1944**

_My eyes were closed, my heart racing a million miles a minute. Anticipation flooded through me and I couldn't help the blush that crept along my entire body. A door appeared before me and as soon as I became aware of it, it opened. Pachelbel Canon floated through the entrance to fill my ears. I closed my eyes to the noise, reveling in the happiness that rendered me speechless. Tears sprung to my eyes and I had to open them again because I could hear the hushed whispers. I smiled as someone took my arm and led me down the white carpet leading towards the alter erected in the middle of a patch of flowers in a field that stretched on for miles. _

_I turned my eyes from the scenery to look with silent astonishment at the man standing before me, ready to take me up to the alter. I placed my hand in his, my heart jumping when I felt the callouses beneath my fingers. Relief filled me to the brim. It was almost as if touching him smoothed away every worry, every anxiety until there was nothing left but joy and contentment. I hadn't really believed that this was happening until I'd seen his face smiling down at me as I walked toward him up that aisle. The funny thing, though, was that I couldn't clearly see his face. Not even now when I was standing only a few inches away, his hands clenched tightly around mine. I could distinguish the dark hair and the dark eyes that seemed to pierce me through to my soul. But where before I'd really fallen in love with him, I knew those orbs filled with utter darkness had terrified me. Now they filled me with all the things I felt for him. _

_Before the priest began the ceremony, he leaned toward me. His scent filled my sense and his lips skimmed the outline of my ear. _

"_I am so lucky to have you, Becca, and I know I've wasted all this time being a fool. But, I promise you that I will do whatever it takes for the rest of our lives together to make it up to you." He pulled away and I felt my heart wrench slightly at his confession. Tears sprung again to my eyes and this time, I did nothing to hide them. As we turned to each other and he held his hands- and my heart- in his grasp, I could do nothing but try and show him that I loved him more than I'd ever loved anything in the world. He bent forward, kissing my tears away. That's when I knew that he understood completely. _

I woke up, the tears running in shimmering rivulets down my face. It had been such a beautiful dream and I wished with all my heart that I could go back to it. It reminded me so much of all those dreams I'd had about Ron. And now that I thought about it, I hadn't experienced a dream so real and so moving as that one for a while. I closed my eyes, brushing the liquid from my eyes. The thing that bothered me the most was that I hadn't been able to see who the groom was. I could remember his dark hair and his dark eyes. There was something so familiar, so stinging about his eyes but I couldn't recall what exactly. I knew that was the key to the puzzle before me. Even though Ron and Bill had a lot of the same physical traits, their eyes were completely different.

I sighed, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. The details of the dream were trickling away from my mind so quickly it was as if I was trying to hold water in the cups of my hands. No matter how hard I tried to retain the images, they just slipped through the cracks between my fingers. Though if I was being completely honest with myself, I knew exactly who I wanted it to be. Waiting for me at the alter as I walked to him with a beautiful white dress flowing around my body. But, I couldn't just forget the way he'd looked at me on D-Day as he pushed me away from himself. I couldn't let the last few months without him go at the drop of a hat. Not to mention, since we were back in England, he probably had his hands full with Britney anyway. I pushed the thoughts away, the betrayal and sorrow I felt at seeing him with someone else cutting me up inside. I couldn't focus on that. Besides, if he felt anything for me, then he might be feeling the same things when he saw me with another man.

No I had Bill now. A man who loved me and who would stand beside me, despite everything. I felt my smile curl my lips in the place of my frown. I stood from the bed and walked over to the washing basin in the corner of the room. I dipped my hands inside, the cool water sliding over my skin like liquid silk. I closed my eyes at the sensation before splashing the cooling droplets onto my tear-stained face. Drying my face, I got dressed as quickly as I could in my dress uniform. I noticed again the way the fabric hung off my shoulders. I couldn't believe the weight I had lost while I'd been here. Hopefully, though, I would gain some of it back since we were back to eating three meals a day while we were in England again.

I went to the window, admiring the glow of the sun and the vivid blue sky above me. Two birds twittered right outside and I smiled at them once before turning around and heading downstairs. I looked around the family room. The smoldering coals in the fireplace and the silence descending on me made my stomach jolt unpleasantly. The older couple who had been kind enough to provide me with their one guest room were always awake at this hour of the day. Especially on the weekend. I approached the kitchen and pressed my ear to the door. Hearing no noises, I knocked on it once.

"Mrs. Towers?" I called through the thick slab of oak wood. When no reply came, I pushed my way into the small kitchen. A note was waiting for me on the table. I smiled, seeing it.

Picking it up, I read it aloud, "Private Fields, Mr. Towers and I have stepped out for a stroll. We should be home in time for an early supper. We do hope that you enjoy your weekend off." I stared at it, touching the frayed edges of the paper with a sad smile curling my mouth. They were good people, the Towers, yet they'd felt the stresses of the war just as much as everyone else. I kept forgetting that the soldiers fighting this war weren't the only ones suffering. I shook my head, trying not to dwell on it too much as I left the house. I tucked my spare key in my pocket.

Turning my face toward the sunlight, I drank in the sense of freedom that filled me. How could I have ever regretted ending up in this beautiful place? Even with all that I had seen and done, I felt more at ease here than I ever had in my own time. Something about this time just felt so right, so natural to me. I'd finally found where I belonged and I would give almost anything to stay here.

"Fields! Private, wait!" Dick's voice resounded in my ears, making my feet slide to a halt in the middle of the cobblestone street. I turned around and fixed him with my bright blue gaze. His red hair was shining under the grin of the sun in the air. I saw that even with him running to catch up to me, his hair stayed perfectly parted to one side. And he still held that stoicism and upright posture that he always maintained. He was a man to respect and I realized again that whoever gained his heart would be a very lucky woman. If I hadn't already had two men fighting for my heart, he would have been perfect. Dick Winters was a perfect gentleman and he was the most controlled man I'd ever met. Of course, maybe that was part of the draw to both Ron and Bill. They were both military men and they'd really found their niche in the Army. However, they had those moments when they relinquished all that control. In those moments, I knew that was when I had to keep my guard up. Because the wildness in their eyes could easily push me over the dark abyss of mad passion. And I knew that until I knew exactly how I felt about the both of them, I shouldn't give into my desires so easily.

"Hey, Becca," Dick said, grinning down at me in a rare show of humor, "I was afraid you hadn't heard me for a moment there." I rolled my eyes, following after him. He was a lot taller than I was and for every one of his strides, I was taking nearly two.

"Of course I waited. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean that I won't listen to you. Besides, you are my commanding officer, sir."

"Well, first of all, you can call me Dick for right now. And that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, Rebecca," he said, his voice going quiet as he found a bench beneath the shade of a tree to sit down on. I stared at him for a moment, fear flooding through me. This was it, after everything that I'd been through I was being sent home. I just knew it and I couldn't help the way my heart seemed to be breaking in two just at the possibility.

"Dick, please don't tell me that you're having me sent to the States. I know it's hard to believe me. Hell, I don't believe it myself half the time. But the United States you know and the one I know are completely different. Please, don't send me back there," I told him, my fingers tightening around the sleeve of his uniform and my eyes taking on that wild, hysterical light that I'd seen on so many faces in the aid station. I couldn't understand it, this need to stay here. It was insane. I should want to go home, to avoid the further destruction of my soul. And I was sure that any one of the guys from Easy would give up nearly anything to be back home with their families right now. I didn't have a family back there. The people I needed and loved were right here in England. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was a part of something bigger than myself, where I was accepted. It made me happy being here. Even surrounded by all the chaos and death.

"Rebecca, I'm not sending you anywhere. But I've realized something that I should have a long time ago," Dick said, gripping my arms as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. I could see the fire burning in his eyes and knew that whatever he was going to do, he would try his hardest to keep me here.

"And what's that?"

"That you're a woman. There are things that are going to happen to you-to all of us-that I don't think you've quite grasped. I saw the way you were looking at that soldier as he died in your arms, Becca. I don't want that to happen every time. You haven't had as much training as the rest of us and I think that other people should decide whether or not you stay, not just me," he replied, his eyes taking on a cold resilience I'd never seen in him before. I stared deeply into his blue eyes and frowned.

"What are you going to do then? If not ship me back off to the States?" Dick smiled, warmth flowing into his expression again.

"We're going to see Colonel Sink."

I watched the rays of sunshine move through the room, covering everything in its path in a bright, white-yellow light. It glittered across the picture frames hanging on the wall and covered the Colonel's desk. The secretary in the front room had told me that Sink wouldn't be long. I'd been sitting here for what seemed like hours, though. I was getting a headache from the constant thoughts of the dream that kept rolling around in my mind. I couldn't place it, but it felt like I already knew who had been waiting at the alter for me. I knew that my mind was choosing who I should be with faster than my heart was. Shouldn't it work the other way around? It shouldn't have surprised me that falling in love would be all backwards for me.

The slamming of the door behind me made my heart race as I was jolted harshly back to reality. I turned slightly to see a man with a toothbrush mustache staring angrily at me. A moment passed where we simply stared at each other. As I watched, the fire in his eyes died a little. It filled me with hope when he sent me a tiny smile before moving across the room to sit behind his desk. He grabbed a file from the stack sitting there, refusing to meet my eyes. Maybe he hadn't meant for me to see him showing me any understanding or kindness. Maybe Colonel Sink, the bad-ass of the 501st was not so tough as we'd all believed. My eyes drifted down to my uniform as I waited for him to say something, anything. But as the minutes passed us by, the hysteria from earlier began to bubble its way through my blood. There was something in the air, flowing through my lungs and veins that filled me with an abject despair. What would I do without Bill when I was sent home? I couldn't very well establish myself in this world when all I could really think about was the fact that he could die every minute of every day. And what about Ron?

_Ron doesn't want you anyway. _My heart spasmed with the reminder and I wished with everything that I was that I could forget that. All those memories, all the dreams had meant nothing. In this time, I was nothing more than a play toy for him. Something to use when he wasn't here in England with Britney, to simply toss to the side when he was done. Tears threatened to leak from the corners of my eyes and I blinked furiously to get rid of them. I couldn't cry, not in front of this man. This was not the time for weakness. If I had any hope of getting out of here without a ticket home, then I had to stay strong.

"Says here that you came to us in February of this year from another unit," Sink said, startling me and effectively pushing the tears to the backs of my eyes. I smiled, unsure of myself again, before I nodded.

"Yes, sir, that's correct," I said, feeling the lie burning the back of my throat. He didn't need another reason to want to send me away and telling him that I was really from a year nearly 70 years in the future wouldn't help my situation at all.

"Okay, and you participated in both D-Day and Carentan?"

"Yes, sir, I did. As a medic." Sink nodded, his eyes rushing down the papers in front of him. His fingers tightened around the folder before he finally set it aside with a sigh. He folded his hands on the desk, his blue eyes staring into my own so abruptly that I felt my breath hitch in my chest. Seeing that, a smile appeared on his lips.

"I won't bite, Miss Fields."

"Actually, it's Miss Harris, Colonel."

"Well, if we want to be technical, you _are _in the Army. So, how's about Private Harris?" I smirked, settling more comfortably in my straight-backed chair. Sink was definitely less scary than the other men had made him out to be.

"That'll be fine, Colonel." For a few seconds, he just stared at me. I could feel him taking me in, soaking in every detail that he could about me. My bright, aquamarine irises. My ebony black hair. I saw the look in his eyes. I wondered what it was and if he would tell me.

"Now, Private, I don't believe a word of what you've told me thus far. I don't really believe that you came here to us from another unit. And I don't believe that you got all the way to Europe and through three months worth of fighting without someone noticing that you were a woman. So why don't you start from the beginning. Tell me everything. Winters already told me that I probably wouldn't believe you. But, you can give me a try anyway." I stared up into his blue-gray eyes, my stomach twisting in anticipation. Was this really going to be as simple as all that? Just tell him and maybe I'd be able to stay? I sighed heavily. It was my only real option. I understood why Dick had done this. Fear is a contagious thing in combat and I knew that to be a good leader, he couldn't afford to risk everyone in the company just for me. Yes, I knew why he'd done it, but it didn't lessen the fact that I wished I was anywhere but in that room at that moment.

"Alright, Colonel, but don't say we didn't warn you," I said, trying to keep my tone light but failing miserably. His mustache twitched with the curl of his lips into a small smile.

"Well, I guess it all started as a dream. I kept having dreams...about what happened here in this time. See, I'm from the year 2009 and for me, all that the 506th ever really was was a way for me to bond with my father. He was a major history buff and he loved telling me about what Easy Company especially did during the war.

"And one day I was in my own time and the next, I found myself here. Apparently I'd been here for two weeks, but I couldn't recall any of it, Colonel. I still don't know why or how I got here. But I know things, sir, things that I couldn't possibly know," I explained to him, my emotions almost getting the better of me in my desperation for him to believe me. Sadness at having to speak so calmly of my father shook through me. My heart pulsed, sending waves of pain reverberating through to the very deepest depths of my soul.

"You're right, I don't believe a lick of that. It doesn't make a damn bit of sense to me, but I'll tell you what Private Harris. If you can tell me something that will happen in the next couple of days - something that you couldn't possibly know unless you really were from the future - and it happens, I just might let you stay here under a few conditions of course." I wracked my brains, searching for some events that my father might have told me that had happened around this time. When I found the perfect thing, I sent him my biggest and most innocent smile. Snatches of conversations my father and I had about the man sitting before me came back to me.

"_Man was ecstatic when he found out his little girl was getting married. That Thomas Mackenzie was a good man..."_

"Okay, Colonel, you're going to get a letter in two days from your oldest daughter. In it she's going to tell you that Thomas Mackenzie proposed to her and that she said yes and that they're waiting for you to get back after the war to have the wedding," I told him, folding my hands over my lap with a satisfied smile curling my lips. Sink stared at me, his blue eyes seeming to sear me through to my soul. I tried not to be frightened of that glare, but I couldn't help it. It was hard not to be intimidated by Colonel Sink.

"Alright, Harris. In two days, if I don't get that letter, you're out of here."

"Yes sir," I said, standing up and saluting him with a smile. He returned the gesture and I walked out of the room, the doubts whirling inside my head and making my stomach heave with questions unanswered. So many what ifs could turn my entire world upside down in a few days and I could do nothing to reverse what I'd just done. And I couldn't reverse all of my actions of the past few months. How would I explain to Bill that I had to leave? How could I be away from him or away from Ron without feeling like my entire world had shattered? No, it was more than just me wanting to stay with Easy. I _had _to. Whatever my purpose here, it was completely tied up with Easy Company. I just knew it. I hugged my arms to my chest as I rushed down the street. I refused to look up at whoever might be passing. Tears were rolling down my face, unchecked. My chest was far too tight and my knees were giving way beneath me. Pressure was pushing upon me from every side and I gasped with the need to breathe. Ducking quickly into a side street, I retreated inside the cold darkness. It wrapped its fingers around me and calmed the fire in my blood and the tears on my face. I shuddered with the force of it, my legs finally giving way. I slid down the wall at my back and immediately pulled my legs to my chest.

The temporary reprieve from my own maddening emotions was quick and ruthless in returning. My shoulders shook with my effort to keep my cries silent. I knew at once that I'd failed when I heard footsteps very close to me, growing louder with every crash of my heart against my ribcage.

"Becca?" Bill asked me, his voice just above me. I shook my head, hoping that he would get the hint and leave. I didn't want him to see me like this. It hurt too much, having him so close. I couldn't help but wonder if these were the last few minutes that we would spend with each other. Before I could tell him to go away, though, he'd sat down beside me and pulled me onto his lap. I curled up against him. I threw my arms around him and let him hold me. I cried until it felt like my eyes would be swollen shut. I leaned against Bill more and tried to make sense of the thoughts now pounding through my aching head.

"Sink knows, Bill. And if I can't prove to him that I'm telling the truth, he's going to send me home," I told him, my throat growing uncomfortably tight in response.

"The truth about you being from the future you mean?" Bill asked me, his smile evident against the skin of my neck. It took me a moment to register what he'd said. When I did, I gasped and wrenched my head away from him to look him in the eyes.

"How in the hell do you know about that?" I asked him, surprise painting every inch of my face. He chuckled, the sound reverberating through his body and shaking me thoroughly. That's when I realized just how tightly I was pressed against him. I blushed and he cupped my cheek to bring my attention back to him.

"Honey, Winters told me a few days ago," he told me, leaning forward and planting a small kiss on my forehead. I sighed, my hands coming up to wrap themselves around his neck.

"And you believe me?" I asked him hesitantly. He didn't seem like he was going to run away in horror now, but I'd always been a bad judge of character. The world seemed to stand still as I waited for his answer. When he nodded, his lips brushed against my skin again. It made white-hot fire erupt across the surface of my body. My fingers tightened around him and I had to resist the urge to shudder in his grasp. I could feel the smirk curling the edges of his mouth.

"Of course I believe ya," Bill whispered before crashing his lips upon my own. Moaning loudly, I returned his kiss with eager fervor. I wished that we could stay in this moment and avoid the moment I knew was fast bearing down on us.

**Okay so thank you all for being so patient with me while I found the time to post this. If you've been keeping up with my updates the past couple of days, you'd know that I am currently writing out the concluding chapter for Silence is Descending. I think everyone's really going to like it and trust me, I've got some serious improvements ahead of me as I continue to post these chapters. There are a few loose ends I still have to tie up that may leave everyone slightly confused. But nothing too major...anyways, I really hope that everyone liked this chapter. Please review if you have the time. I'd really appreciate it. **

**Also, I just wanted to send out a request that anyone who is interested in checking out some Pacific stories, head on over to the category. It's under TV shows for some reason. *shakes head* And check out my stories. I started what will become a short four or five chapter story based around Snafu and of course I already posted my one-shot July 4th special. So please read those and review for them. I'm desperate or else I wouldn't be asking lol. **

**Huge thanks to captain ty who has been so patient with me and my muse as we struggle through this last chapter. I don't know what I would do without you. And of course thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewng. I appreciate it more than I can say. :)**

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Easy Company. The only things I own are my OCs and the original plot of this story. **


	24. Three Words I Wish I Never Said

_If I could turn the clock again_

_It's the same three words I wish I never said_

_The phrase that breaks a heart in two_

_Cause Angel, I love you_

"_A Piano Song" by A Cursive Memory_

**Becca's POV**

**September 10, 1944**

_My heart was pounding inside my chest, my legs moving as fast as they ever had. I had somewhere to be and something to tell someone. As I ran, I tried to remember what I was supposed to be doing. But my memories slipped away from me as easily as water through my fingers. And slowly the feel of someone pressed against my body pushed the thoughts entirely from my head. I couldn't think around the lips pressing every so softly along my heated skin. I wrapped my legs around their hips, wanting and needing them so badly that it bordered the edge of pain. _

_Liquid warmth gathered beneath my skin, pulsing through me in unfulfilled waves. I knew what I wanted, and I knew that he was the only one that could ever grant me this pleasure. His lips skimmed along the column of my neck. He paused at the junction of my shoulder before nipping gently at it. It elicited a loud, excited moan from me. I gripped his arms more tightly, silently attempting to urge him further. _

"_Please," I groaned breathlessly. My lungs were rising and falling so rapidly that it was a wonder I could even breathe at all. My muscles were bunched so tightly, my anticipation already on the brink of ecstasy. I bit my lip, wondering about what lay inside the darkness of his pants. I moaned just from the thought. _

"_Please, what?" his deep, husky voice curled along the edge of my ear and making me rock my hips up to meet his. Desperation covered the length of my body. How could he use such restraint at a time like this?_

"_Ron, please, I-I..." I trailed off as his lips and teeth grazed along my breast. Gasping loudly, one of my hands flew up to his hair. Holding him to my chest, I sighed in heated pleasure when he focused his complete attention on my nipple. It seemed like the things he was doing to my chest were hooked directly to my core. I was so wet, so tight for him. And he was still overdressed. But oh the things he was doing to me felt so good, so _right_. How could I possibly make him stop? Suddenly, a whisper of cold air chilled my skin where his mouth had been only a moment ago. I made a sound of protest, my fingers tightening in his hair. _

"_Ron..."_

"_Say it. Say what you want from me," he demanded, his voice fierce. There was a fire burning in his eyes that held me captivated. I'd never been looked at by a man like that before and I found that it filled me even more than the feel of him pressed so tightly against me. _

"_Rebecca!" Ron growled, the sound vibrating through him to me. I shuddered with desire, my eyes drifting lazily between his eyes and lips. _

"_Yes?" I whispered. _

"_Tell me what you want," he repeated, his body jerking away from mine in a moment. I groped for him in the dim light of the candles around the room. _

"_No! Ron, please, I need you. Don't go," I said, clinging desperately to him. He disappeared slowly, the warmth from his skin still searing my fingertips. I hugged my legs to my chest, tears flowing down __my face when I realized that he'd left me yet again. _

I jerked awake, beads of sweat forming on my brow and my entire frame shaking with the force of the dream. It had seemed so real, so heartrendingly real. Unlike the last dream I'd had, this one was so vivid I knew it would be imprinted on my mind for a long time to come. We'd been on the verge of something. A monumental break from all the things left unsaid and deeds undone. And once again, he had proven to me that he wasn't ready yet to stay by my side through everything. I couldn't help but feel like maybe that was what I had been trying to tell myself for a long time, with all the doubts and the hesitancy to be with him. Maybe what I really needed had been staring me in the face all along.

A loud knock on the door startled me from my thoughts. My heart skipped a beat and my eyes widened slightly.

"Y-yes?" I squeaked, standing up and going to the door. Pressing my ear against it, I heard Dick's voice ringing through the house.

"Can I come in?" he asked. I opened the door, giving him a weak smile.

"Hey, Dick." I stood aside for him to walk in. His icy blue eyes were shining with amusement. I could only imagine what I looked like. I blushed, heat rushing to fill my cheeks once again. Embarrassed, I closed the door behind him, simply staring at the dark wood in front of my face. I focused on tracing the veins of the wood, wondering just what he was here for.

"Pleasant sleep I hope?" his voice broke the tense silence in the room. I whirled around and fixed him with an indignant glare. Dick wasn't one to joke with just anyone, but when he did he sure was good. Despite myself, a grin curled my lips upwards. I shook a finger at him.

"Not a word about it, Dick Winters. Now, why are you barging into my room this early in the morning?" I asked him, sidling over to where he had taken a seat on my bed. He stared down at his lip, the furrow between his eyebrows the only indication that he was thinking hard about something. Or maybe he was scared to tell me something. That got the wheels in my head turning. Was there somewhere I needed to be today? Was there something that I had to do? I couldn't remember and the deja vu I was experiencing from my dream was more than confusing. Fear gripping my heart, I instinctively put my fingers over Dick's.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, my voice little more than a whisper between us. I couldn't stop my heart from pounding in frustrated anticipation. He continued to look down at his lap. Outside, I heard the rumble of an oncoming storm. I couldn't tell if that was coincidence or a warning. My father hadn't believed in coincidence. He'd believed that everything happened for a reason. I realized that I knew who my father was even better than I knew myself. For the better part of two years, I'd been living completely in the past. Mostly because the past was so much better than what I had to deal with in the present. And the future always looked bleak to me. But I had to admit that between the dreams about Ron and Bill, I finally had something to look forward to. Albeit, I shouldn't be happy about thinking about two different men. I shook my head, blinking furiously while trying to banish that train of the thought before my mind got jumbled again. I couldn't enjoy them both forever. I would have to tell Bill about Ron sooner or later, the entire truth. After all, I'd showed him that I wanted to be with him.

_Or do you? _whispered a voice inside my head. My throat tightened and my eyes bugged a little at the idea.

_If it was Bill you were meant to be with, you would have been dreaming about him. It would be his arms that you would want around you night after night. It would be his lips on your skin that you would desire. But, he wasn't the one you dreamed of..._

I resisted the urge to scream at the voice to shut up. I don't think Dick needed any more reasons to think that I was off my rocker than I'd already given him. And besides, the voice was wrong. I wanted Bill. He wasn't the one who kept pushing me away, who continued to use me and then go back to his fiancee.

"Becca, you okay?" Dick asked, his voice successfully pulling me out of my head. My eyes flickered up to his own, a small flicker of a smile appearing on my mouth.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Were we going to sit here all day or are you going to tell me why you dropped by?"

"Well, I just talked to a certain Colonel. And it seems that he wants to see you," Dick said. My head snapped up at that and I stared at him, horror and fear creeping through my body. It spread like a wildfire until all I could feel was that. I couldn't think around it. Dick gripped my hand between two of his own. I focused on that, my anchor to the outside world. If I'd been alone, it would have been difficult getting lost in the caverns of my own mind.

"Oh God," I whispered, my lungs fit to burst as my breathing turned shallow. I closed my eyes for a second, trying to push the overwhelming emotions to the back of my mind, "Would you-I mean could you..." I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes and I bit my lip to keep it from trembling. This was it, the moment I'd been waiting for since I got here. It seemed like my future was dependent on one single letter and I didn't trust my memory enough to be sure that I'd told Sink the right thing.

"Yeah, Becca, I'll go with you. You should probably get dressed though. If Sink is pissed, we don't need to remind him any more of the fact that you're a woman," he said, looking pointedly at my bare legs. I blushed and immediately let go of his hands.

"Right," I started, standing up too fast and getting a little bit of a head rush. I gripped the side of the bed tightly for a moment. I put all of my frustration into that one touch so that when I stepped away from the support, I felt drained. Weak and every bit as female as I really was. I knew it was bad to be feeling this many emotions in so many days. I had to wonder how long it would be before my mind snapped. I crossed the room toward the closet and quickly threw on my uniform. I didn't care about the fact that there was a man at my back with the ability to watch every move I mad. It was Dick and that was enough comfort.

"Okay," I told him, twirling around after I laced up my last boot. Dick gave me a grin before walking to the door and opening it for me.

"Thanks."

We made our way slowly but steadily to Regiment. My body did not seem to want to cooperate with me. My feet were dragging slightly and Dick had to take my arm to keep me up with him. I smiled meekly up at him, my insides twisting and turning into knots. I felt like I was going to be sick. I hoped I was wrong about this. I hoped that I would be able to stay. Because as strange as it may have sounded, here in the thick of World War Two was where I felt I should be. I fit in here. I'd made friends and not to mention...

Ron was the reason I was here. I knew that with all my heart. And I was beginning to see that no matter how much I thought I felt about Bill, it would never be the way I felt about Ron. There was a deeper needing and longing for Ron. Not just physically, but mentally too. There was a part of him that he didn't show to the world. A part of him that was kind and gentle and could love someone like me if he gave it a chance. But he had chosen someone else. He had chosen Britney over me. There was nothing I could do, nothing that could change his mind in my favor. I was enjoying the break from my fear, but I didn't want to think about this either. I turned my attention back to Dick, who was staring at me pointedly.

"You do that a lot you know," he said, the ghost of a smile flickering on his face.

"Do what?"

"Go off into your own world for minutes at a time. It makes conversation with you very unproductive." I giggled, covering my mouth with my hand. It was a break, and I felt hope flood through me. If I could still laugh, then there was a chance that I would make it out of this with my sanity intact. No matter what Sink decided, I realized I would do whatever it took to get through it. I didn't want to leave them all behind to fight a war that was just as much my own as theirs. I wouldn't be happy about not seeing either Bill's or Ron's face for another year. But if I had to do it, I would.

"Yeah well, I guess old habits die hard."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I wasn't very well-liked in my own time, Dick. Needless to say, I could drift off whenever I wanted because never really had any friends that I had to pay attention to," I told him, surprised that the bitterness had left my voice. After all those years of my father trying to tell me that it was _their _loss for not liking me, I finally believed it. I didn't know if that was a result of being thrown back in time, who I was talking to, or if something had settled inside me. All of my insecurities seemed to be fading away. I was happy for that at least. I'd spent too long on the fringes of society. Maybe that was truly why I had been sent back. Not to be with Ron, not to save as many people as I could. Just maybe I'd been sent to this time because there were people here who would like me for me.

"I'll just wait out here while you go in. I got the feeling that Sink wanted to talk to you alone first," Dick's mind effectively pulled me from my own mind again. I looked up at him, my reaction slow in the process. But when I finally registered what he was saying, I gripped his arm tightly.

"Dick, I..." He took my face in his hands and kissed my forehead, pushing me away from him toward Sink's office.

"Becca, if you can handle Sobel, you can handle Sink." I grinned at him, my fear dissipating once again. I was still nervous, but it was manageable now. So, with a deep breath, I stepped forward and knocked on the door.

"Enter!" Sink called from the other side of the door. His voice was as soft as I'd ever heard it and it gave me some sort of odd hope. Beyond curious, I grabbed the door handle and twisted it. It made an ominous sound. Metal grinding on metal as I swung it on its hinges. I cringed, resisting the urge to wrap my arms around myself. What I met on the other side of that door was not what I'd expected.

Sink was sitting at his desk, a letter clutched tightly, reverently in his left hand. And a silly smile was curling his lips upwards. He didn't look up at me as I came in. He didn't do anything. Just sat there with the letter in the silence of his internal musings. Meanwhile, across from him, my heart was beating uncontrollably. My respiration had escalated. Flashes of all the people I had met here were running before my closed eyelids. It felt like the entire world was taking a collective sigh. At the end of that exhalation of air would be my fate, laid out in all its glory at my feet. The only question now was what would it be? And what would I do with either proposition? If I stayed, I would still be faced with choosing Bill or Ron. Maybe not now, but somewhere down the line, I would have to pick. If I didn't stay here, what would I do? How would I make a living in a world I knew next to nothing about?

"Private Harris?" Sink said, clearing his voice several times to get my attention. I turned my head towards the sound of his voice slowly, my gasp of surprise ringing in the small office. Unaffected, the Colonel motioned for me to sit down. That gentle smile was back on his face and I couldn't help but feel hope.

"Now, I'll assume you remembered that you told me I would be getting a letter today. A very important letter about my daughter," Sink said, his voice pounding through me. It reminded me of a gavel being struck with every syllable he spoke.

"Yes, sir." I managed to keep my own voice steady. I sounded almost cold and indifferent to his decision. But of course, eyes are the windows to the soul. Right now, I could feel my emotions shifting and changing in the aquamarine sea of my irises. It was only a matter of time before Sink called me out on it. Then again, I didn't know him well enough to say if he was the type of man to ask exactly what you were thinking at every minute of every day.

"Well, it seems that she is going to be getting married to a Mr. Mackenzie. Turns out that they are going to wait to have the wedding until after this damned war is over and done with." Sink's eyes filled with a soft surprise. I could tell that until he'd said the words aloud, he wouldn't allow himself to believe me. Now he knew that I really was who I said I was. How else could I have known? I hoped it was enough for him to tell me to stay. I prayed to whatever gods might be listening to let me continued on where I was. I didn't care how many people I would have to prove myself to. I had already done most of the work already. I'd been through D-Day and stayed out in the field with the men for nearly three months. I'd gotten through Sobel and his pig-headed ideas of training all of us. I had become the best of the best. I wasn't from Toccoa. I never would be but I had to believe that I'd at least earned enough respect for myself in Easy that they would accept me with little problems.

"Private, did I lose ya?" Sink's voice cut through my mind, making aware again of where I was and who I was sitting before. I cleared my throat with some effort, sitting up a little higher in my seat. He'd crossed around the side of the desk and was leaning his hip against it. His arms were crossed over his chest and there was a small smile gracing his face.

"Sir?"

"I was just telling you that I think you'd make a fine addition to Easy and to this Regiment. Now, if you still want to, I can find you a place here with Regimental Intelligence," Sink started to say. I could feel the emotions bubbling forth like a slow-moving stream through my system. Confusion, then startled realization, and finally unrestrained joy. Bounding up from my seat, I was unable to keep the peel of laughter from floating into the air. I wrapped my arms around Sink, forgetting myself for a few short seconds. When I felt his soft chuckles vibrating through his chest, I pulled back immediately. Staring adamantly at anything but him, I felt the heat rise in my cheeks. I bit my lip, waiting for the admonishment. Had I just ruined everything? He had been laughing...I glanced up at him, my eyes growing wide when I saw that he was grinning down at me. I took in the crinkles at the corners of his eyes and the toothbrush mustache, my mind making a connection to my own grandfather. He'd liked his facial hair like that too. The wrinkles about his face were exactly like that too. The only noticeable difference was that my grandfather was much taller, nearly six feet and three inches. The eyes were different too. Pap's eyes had been the most brilliant green. They were always filled with sadness. His wife of fifty years had died when I was just a baby. I'd looked exactly like her. The same blue eyes and

ebony hair. The same high cheekbones-the same everything. I knew it hurt him to look at me sometimes, but I had always tried to show him that I was me, not Mam.

Shaking my head, I turned my focus back on the man in front of me. Feeling slightly better, I found the courage to look him full in the face. He was still smiling.

"Girl, you've got a lot of nerve. And frankly, I think those boys could use a little sass in 2nd Battalion. Now, I'm gonna give you a choice. You can either stay here at Regiment and work alongside Nixon, or you can stay with Easy Company. Either way, I'm going to need your help in any way you can with Intelligence. I realize you won't know everything, but every little detail matters, alright?" I considered his words carefully, knowing what I wanted before I'd really even absorbed what he'd said.

"If it's all the same to you, Sir, I think I'd like to stay with Easy. They...well, they've become like the family I never had." I finished my statement with a soft murmur. I stared out the window. At the bright sunlight streaming in and glowing on the dark wood of his desk. I wondered at the brown, almost black spots in the wood. They reminded me of something, of a pair of eyes I wished desperately to see right now. I wanted to feel his arms around my in that moment, to know that all of this was real. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that Bill was the right man, Ron was what had drawn me here. So was he the only thing that would be able to ground me to this time. I had to know that he was real to know that I would really be able to stay.

"Of course, I'm sure they'd be happy to have you. Now, I think I'll have Lieutenant Winters break the news to them, explain to them exactly what's going on. He's good at that sort of thing. Meanwhile, since you're still officially a medic, I want you at that aid station until one of the Easy men come to get ya," Sink said, his eyes slightly glazed over as he busied himself with yet another task. I watched his hands sift through paperwork, his lips moving imperceptibly in time with his thoughts. I nodded my head, seeing that he was obviously too distracted to dismiss me properly. I walked toward the door, unnoticed and finally grasped the cold, hard doorknob in my hand. As I pulled my arm back to close it behind me, my name rang out from the older man inside.

"Private Harris?"

"Yes, Sir?" I asked, poking my head around the door frame. His eyes were shining again with awareness and the smile on his face was anything but innocent.

"Speaking of the men of Easy Company, I realize that they are a Company of men. Well I guess what I'm trying to say is that if anything were to go on between you and one of the soldiers...I'm not a stupid man, Miss Harris. So, just make sure I don't here about it alright? You can be sure as soon as I do, it'll be done with. I'm trusting you, Miss Harris. I can see that you're a responsible young lady and you obviously have a great deal of determination if you're here." I nodded, my cheeks filling with embarrassed heat once again. Great, I hadn't really thought about the implications of being the only female in a company of men. But I guess, just like everything else in life, I would just have to let the pieces fall where they may.

"I won't let you down, Colonel," I told him, sending a grateful smile. I couldn't tell him how much this meant to me. I couldn't convey with words, so I tried to show him a little of what was in my heart through my eyes. He blinked a few times before he looked away from me, almost as if he couldn't stand to look at the emotions staring out at him anymore. I couldn't blame him. I'd looked into my mother's eyes. It was disconcerting how much her aquamarine eyes could show me. Disdain, hatred, everything but what a mother should show her child. I'd never once seen anyone hate their child as much as she had me. That was in the past though. Or the future either way I looked at it.

Turning around without another word, I tried to settle my thoughts on something more important and less heart-wrenching. I couldn't stand my mother when I'd been in my own time. I wasn't about to bring the memories of her up from the grave here in this place. As I walked along, I remembered that I was supposed to be going to the aid station. Dragging my feet along underneath me, I took a deep breath before pushing through the heavy oak doors.

"God, do you have to be so rough? Damn, Private!" the Lieutenant growled from the bed. His green eyes were staring into my own as I wrapped the bandage around his arm.

"Sorry, Lieutenant. I can't be any more gentle. And trust me, I'm the best there is in this building," I sent him a smirk as he rolled his eyes.

"Really, Fields, you're the best we've got to offer?" a familiar voice sneered at my back. My fingers frozen on the white bandage, my eyes widening in surprise. Out of all the times that I'd come in here, she just had to be here on this day. When everything seemed to be going right for me, she had to be here to set me back in my place. Rather than running as I wanted, I pivoted on my heel and looked her square in the face. Her face was set into a grim mixture of malice and fury.

"Yeah I think I am actually, Britney," I said, trying to keep my voice neutral. I failed miserably, my smug smile showing through on my face. The moment I fixed her with the look, something shifted in her eyes. I could see the monster that had been lurking there just beneath the surface. With a wicked gleam in her expression for a split second, she slowly moved forward and brushed my hands away from the Lieutenant. She made quick work of bandaging his arm before turning around without a word and grabbing my arm. I could feel the tension in her body, radiating through her like a second heartbeat. She led me away and pushed me down onto an empty cot. I noticed that she chose a spot where nearly everyone in the aid station could see us. Probably so that she could torture me and I would not be able to rebel against her.

"What're you on about?" I asked her, crossing my arms over my chest. My body was thrumming with barely-restrained fright. I was starting to see the real Britney, the one that would hurt me to keep me away from Ron. But that wasn't what I was doing. He obviously didn't want me. Not like I wanted him and I knew I didn't have a chance in hell with him when she was close by. They were engaged after all. Although, he'd seemed to have forgotten when he'd kissed me in the forest at Carentan. My eyes slid closed at the memory of his fingertips running over my heated skin. My heart was pounding when I heard Britney clear her throat before me.

"You're going to listen good, Fields. I'm Ron's fiancee. _Me _and I'm not going to give him up without a fight. And trust me, it's going to be difficult for you to steal him away from me. I mean, the man doesn't even like you enough to have sex with you.

"Which, by the way, you have no idea what you're missing." Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. It felt like all the air had been knocked out of me and my lungs were being slowly crushed. My blood ran cold. My lips trembled with un-shed tears.

"W-what?" I whispered, my hands gripping the white sheets beneath my fingertips.

"Oh I think you heard me, Fields," Britney said, the smug smirk on her face making me feel so alone and empty that I didn't know what to think or say, "He's wonderful in bed. And I almost feel bad that you don't get a piece of him. Though, like I said, I don't think that he likes you enough. I mean, whatever's going on between the two of you...You've got to face facts, Fields. He would be with you if he really wanted you. He would be _your _fiancee, but he's not." Nothing could have prepared me for this day. Nothing. The pain radiating through my chest with every word that the blond beside me spoke was too much to handle. Every nerve in my body was screaming at me to get out of there before I was hurt even more. But somehow, I couldn't seem to find the motivation. In some sick, twisted way I had to hear everything that she was saying. In some way, the fact that he seemed to be happy with her was a comfort to me. I listened, attentively. Some part of me wishing I was anywhere else, but another part was soaking in her words.

"I know," I muttered, tears forming in my eyes and threatening to fall down my face. Everything around me had gone blurry and I fought hard to keep the rivulets of liquid from pouring down on my skin. But how could I when my world seemed to be coming apart? I knew now what I had been running from for weeks. For years even. Ever since that first dream. I loved Ron and I couldn't have him. Utter despair filled me to the brim, my tears flowing freely now. I jumped to my feet, my legs moving as quickly as they could beneath me. I couldn't see where I was going but I could hear the laughter following behind me like a ghoul to stalk my every waking moment. Faster and faster I ran until I suddenly found myself in the house I was staying at. With no memory of how I'd gotten there, the tears stopped for a moment. I looked around, startled and confused. But as the pain hit me in tormenting wave after wave, I collapsed to the floor. How could I have been so blind?

I was madly in love with Ron and now it was too late. He had a fiancee. He was getting engaged. The thought struck me with so much force that I shook with it. The sorrow and pain cascaded over my body like a shroud. Tears poured relentlessly from my eyes and I'm sure I was a mess. I cried for what seemed like hours on end. I cried for all that I was losing. I cried for Bill, blissfully unaware of where my heart truly lay. Guilt flooded through me at the thought of him. Why couldn't I love what was obviously better for me? Why couldn't he have been my choice? Although, if I didn't also love him, I knew the pain would have been worse. He was the only light in the midst of the darkness pressing in on me. I knew that whatever happened, he would be there for me. To hold my hand, to kiss away my tears. Whatever I needed, he would take care of me. But it didn't seem right. Using him as my support and as my anchor. Wasn't love about give and take? Wasn't I supposed to support him sometimes too?

Before I had time to think about it more, someone came rushing into my room. I turned my burning eyes upward and saw Bill, my knight, standing there with a heaving chest.

"Why is that whenever I leave you on your own, I always find you crying?" he asked, voice soft as he bent down and wrapped his arms around me. I relaxed into his embrace, pressing myself forcefully into his body. I felt so warm, so protected in the circle of his arms that for a few moments, the pain and sorrow receded into the back of my mind. I stared up into his eyes, smiling slightly at what I saw there. He was looking at me with love, with understanding. That's when I knew that I had to tell him. I couldn't carry on with this lie on my chest.

"Bill?" I asked, terrified of what he would think of me for keeping him in the dark for so long. I saw fear and hesitation flash through his dark eyes, but he nodded as if he knew something like this was coming. Like he knew I'd been keeping secrets from him.

"Bill, I have something to tell you. And please, please try to understand why I couldn't tell you. I had to protect you. I guess it doesn't matter now though," my voice faded away before I looked back up at him, "Bill, I've...when I was back in my time, I started having dreams about a strange man. I never knew who he was until the day that I came back here. It was Ron Speirs." The world stilled around us and Bill's entire body froze against my own. I watched his face, my hands tightening into the front of his uniform to keep him to me. I couldn't stand it if he didn't want me either. Bill considered me, seeing the fear in my eyes and the stains of the tears on my face.

"You love him?" Bill asked, his voice shaky with anger or maybe fear of what my answer would be. I knew that he wouldn't like it if I lied. I also knew that he would know if I was lying. He always knew.

"Yes," I whispered, closing my eyes as he pulled abruptly away from me, "Bill, please." I stood up to follow him, but he raised his hand to me.

"Becca, you-you lied to me!" Bill exclaimed as he paced across the room. His jaw was clenched and his hands were stuffed into his pockets. I knew the stance immediately. I didn't know what to make of it. I could see that every muscle in his body was tensed and ready to flee from the room. But I hoped that just maybe, he would be able to find it in him to forgive me.

"I'm so sorry, Bill. I know I should have told you. I just didn't want to hurt you," I told him, tears rising in my eyes once again. I could see that he was trying not to look at me, but when his black eyes bored into mine, I knew the fight was already gone from him. He walked back over to me and used his thumb to wipe the tears from my face. It seemed that the fight, what little of it had been there, had left him in the face of my sadness.

"Don't cry, Becca. If the man can't see how wonderful you are, he doesn't deserve you," he said, his voice so soft that I wondered if it was really him before me. It was a miracle that he could act this way in my presence. He was usually so hardened that this was strange. But then, he'd always been that way around me. I reached up to brush the hair from his eyes. I tried to convey with every touch, with every look, that he held a part of my heart in his hand too. I couldn't say it to him, not yet. But I could show him. Leaning forward, I brushed my lips against his. It was chaste and quick. I tried to pour my heart and soul into it, though. When I drew back and opened my eyes, he was smiling. He pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead.

"Becca, I won't hurt you like he did. I'll always be here for you and you know that, because I love you," Bill said, his breath blowing in a warm train down my neck. I let his words fill me, replacing the sorrow with happiness. This, for now, was enough. The time to grieve was not now. Not when I had this man holding me so tightly against him.

"Now, why don't you get dressed. We've got a busy night in front of us. Easy wants to celebrate its first female paratrooper," Bill told me, standing and pulling me to my feet. I grinned up at him, hope flooding through my darkened soul.

"They took it alright?"

Bill shrugged and then grinned at me, "As well as a company of 150 men can take the news that they'll be touring Europe with a pretty woman in their midst. A couple of them are a bit weirded out by it. But, I think I convinced them that you're still Smalls no matter if you're a dame." I stared up at him, seeing the excitement and pride on his face. I felt my heart clench, the action sending a wave of pain through my lungs. How could I ever not love the man in front of me? He'd done so much for me and all I'd done was stomp on his feelings. I reached toward him, taking his hand in mine.

"I don't deserve you," I whispered, self-hatred pooling in my veins. Cool fingers hooked around my chin and forced me to look up into his dark eyes.

"Hey, don't get all self-degrading on me, Becca. Let's not think about it. We'll just go out tonight and have a good time with the boys. We can talk about Speirs later, okay?"

"Okay," I whispered, squeezing his hand once. I couldn't help but feel like the night was only going to get worse. Especially if it turned out that Britney and Ron would be at the pub.

**Okay so not what you were expecting? If so, is that a bad thing? Both of those questions can be answered in a simple, straight forward review. The button for which is located conveniently below this author's note. PLEASE review! It helps me stay afloat of how I'm doing with the story. I know it wasn't exactly epically dramatic, but I hope it does the job. :)**

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men on which this story is based. **

**Thank yous to everyone who has been reading, reviewing, adding me and this story on alerts and favorites, and a HUGE thank you as always to captain ty. I don't know what I would have done with this story without her. **


	25. Ever the Same

_Just let me hold you _

_While you're falling apart_

_Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down_

_Fall on me_

_Tell me everything you want me to be_

_Forever with you, forever in me, ever the same_

"_Ever the Same" by Rod Thomas_

**Becca's POV**

I couldn't believe that this was really happening. After all the wondering, after all the unanswered questions, everyone finally knew my secret. I wasn't sure how they would react to seeing me now. Was Bill right? Was I still really just Smalls to them anymore? Talking about me being a woman and seeing me as a woman were two very different things. And I couldn't help but think about that as I tried to zip the black, form-fitting dress that Bill had shoved into my arms only a few minutes ago. Struggling a bit more, my shoulders finally slumped. Taking a deep breath and feeling my cheeks fill with heat, I cleared my throat.

"Er, Bill, I kind of need some help. The damn zipper..." I trailed off. He had turned around and his eyes were roving over my body hungrily. In a moment, he was across the room and at my back. Every nerve in my body was humming with pleasure. The pads of his fingers brushed roughly against my heated skin, sending shots of need straight to my core. I gripped the vanity desk with both hands, trying to concentrate on anything but the heat emanating from us. The sound of the zipper sliding upwards was the only noise. It thickened the tension surrounding us, making the blood pound in my ears. When the zipper stopped, I stood up and foolishly thought that he wouldn't torture me anymore. But then he leaned forward and pressed his lips against the back of my neck. I shuddered with anticipation, gripping the desk more tightly. The things the man could do with his lips should be illegal.

"Becca?" Bill asked between kisses.

"Y-yes?" I replied, my voice so strained it didn't sound like me at all.

"Are you thinking about him right now? While I kiss you?" My stomach dropped at the question. I turned around, effectively stopping his ministrations on my shoulder. I gripped his face between my hands, wanting so much to take that haunted, forlorn look out of his eyes.

"Bill, when you're here, it's like the world melts away," I muttered, rubbing my thumbs along the length of his cheekbones, "When you kiss me, the only person I can think about is you. He doesn't want me, and I guess I'll have to learn to live with that. But I can't lose you. You're the only thing tying me here, Bill." I stepped into the comfort of his heat, wrapping my arms around his back. I could feel his smile against my hair and knew that now my time had come. To prove to him that he meant a lot more to me than I was able to admit right now. Emotion rose within my chest, threatening to consume me. I stepped away from him, knowing that standing here with him would only lead to more kissing. That was something we couldn't afford when the whole of Easy was waiting for us at the pub. I grabbed his hand and led him to the door. Together we walked to the pub. I could feel his gaze on me right before we went through the doors. I glanced over at him to see that he was smiling at me.

"What?" I asked him, bewildered. He shook his head and planted a soft kiss on my cheek.

"Nothing, I just never told you how beautiful you look tonight," he said, then led me into the pub. Blushing and smiling like a school girl, I followed, only to be met with a flurry of applause and woof-whistles.

"Hey, look who it is!" Liebgott shouted from the table he shared with Luz, Buck, and Toye. My hand groped the unseen space between Bill and I before my fingers finally tightened around his own. Breathing a sharp sigh, warmth spread through my body for a moment. For that single second, I was back in my bedroom. Bill and I were standing alone, staring into each other's eyes. A heartbeat later and I was back in the pub. Cigarette smoke swirled around my face and filled my nostrils. It filled my lungs with a burning sensation that made me close my eyes. The smell of alcohol was thick in the air and the tension rolling off of the other men was obvious. I'd been right to worry about what they would think of me now. Although, it did seem like most of them, the ones who had become my friends were more accepting than the guys I'd never really talked to.

"It's Wild Bill and Smalls," Luz shouted, walking over and handing me a glass. He swung his arm around me and grinned, leading me over to his table. I sat down, looking around at the guys. Some of them were simply staring, probably trying to comprehend the fact that only a few short hours ago, I had been a man. Or at least they thought I had. And now here I was in a black dress and flats. I think I was just as confused as they were. I hadn't worn a dress in so long that I felt foreign in my own skin. I guessed I would get used to it again eventually, but not for a while.

"So," Luz said, clapping me on the arm, "Why didn't you ever tell me you were a woman?" I rolled my eyes, taking a sip from my glass. I felt Bill tense beside me, his fingers darting beneath the table to wrap around my own. I knew he was looking for reassurance or comfort and I knew I needed it too.

"I think that's a bit of an obvious answer, Luz," Lipton said. He was sitting across from me, his eyes twinkling in the dim light of the room.

"Well, you know, she could be running from the law or something like that. That would explain a lot of things," Luz said, leaning forward and fixing me with a suspicious glare. A moment later, he grinned and took a drink, "Just kidding, Smalls. Whatever the reason, I think we're all glad you're here."Bull leaned around Lipton and smacked Luz over the head. I grinned up at him as Luz shot him a glare.

"Why don't you shut up, Luz, and let the rest of us enjoy our girl," Bull said, winking at me over the tops of everyone's heads. Giggling, I felt my body relax slightly. Maybe there was a chance that they would still want me here with them. After all, I wasn't much different. The fact that I was a woman didn't change me at all. And now they had a reason for all my strange mannerisms. Like not wanting to take a shower with all the rest of them.

"Yeah, that's going to take some getting used to alright," Martin said from next to Bull. I would have smiled, but every hair on my body was standing on end. The feeling that someone was staring at me washed over me. I turned, my eyes roving the pub to see who it was and my hand dropping from Bill's. For a moment, I wondered if I had imagined it. Until my eyes locked on Ron's cold, calculating gaze. The pain from before, so overwhelming and gut-wrenching, tore through my body. It was worse because he wasn't alone. Wrapped around his body in a romantic embrace was Britney. They were swaying to the beat of the song and I felt my eyes tearing up before I could control my feelings. My throat tightened, my heart pounding fiercely in my chest. The blood pounded like a drum in my ears and my entire body thrummed with regretful anguish. Seeing that the guys were all locked in conversation, I slipped away. Unnoticed and unwatched. Tears flowed freely down my cheeks and I ducked through the crowd of people until I finally reached the door. Throwing it open, I rushed into the cool night air.

Goosebumps rose along the length of my body at once. I shuddered when a soft breeze blew my dress about my legs and across my face. It did nothing to abate the coldness that had filled my soul. It only increased the pain, making it both physical and mental. Struggling to hold myself together, I darted through a dark and empty alley. A safe distance from the entrance, I collapsed to the ground. My knees and hands scraped ruthlessly against the gravel and I could feel the blood oozing from the cuts. In some way, it felt good. It broke through the pain, made me feeling something other than the sorrow consuming me. When the moment had passed, I leaned against the wall at my back. Sobs wracked suddenly through my silent exterior, the tears pouring in torrents into my bleeding palms. I pulled my knees to my chest, letting the gravity of my own body act as an anchor to my mind. I couldn't lose myself in my despair. I knew that would be the end of everything. My sanity, my relationship with Bill, everything. But how could I care about any of that when the possibility of being with Ron was slipping away with every passing minute? So wrapped up in my own misery was I that I didn't hear the footsteps of another person in the alley.

**Ron's POV**

I stood there, stunned beneath her accusing gaze. Her blue eyes bored into my own, clenching and unclenching my heart with unrelenting force. I could see something in that look that had my breath catching in my throat. My body began to throb with need and want and when she ran from the pub, I knew I had to follow her. Pushing my way through the other couples on the dance floor and the drunken soldiers milling about the tables near the entrance, I finally ended up outside. The cold, September air whipped through my hair and carried the smell of her from the entrance of an alley off to my left. My thoughts swirled, a jumbled mess, within my head. Smiling softly, I ducked through the passage and immediately saw a crumpled form on the ground a few feet in. A moment later, the sound of her horrified cries filled my ears. I halted, my heart pounding loud and hard in my chest. She sounded so broken. The realization that it might have been me who'd done this to her struck me. Threatening to break myself, I rushed toward her.

What could I do? How could I fix what I had shattered without even knowing it?

"Becca?" I whispered, my fingers tracing the length of her bare arm. I reveled in the touch of her skin against mine even as sorrow filled my own soul. God, how could I fix this...She lifted her face and I had to clench my jaw from growling. Seeing the tears flowing from her perfect, innocent eyes was almost more than I could take. And the look coming from those oceanic irises made me flinch away from her. Regret, despair, and accusation flashed across her face.

"Get away from me!" she gasped suddenly and slid away from me, her palms scraping against the gravel beneath my feet. I held out my hand to her to stop her. I'd already caused her enough harm. I didn't need her porcelain skin being ripped to shreds too.

"Wait, what-what did I do?" I asked her, my world seeming to crumble around me. I had a feeling I knew exactly what this was about. Britney had been smug all night, her eyes darting from me to Becca every few minutes, her eyes so full of wicked cunning that it terrified me. It could only have been her and I wanted to know what she had done. I turned my eyes back to Rebecca, whose eyes had softened to show me the true depth of her misery.

"Ron, I...I didn't realize before tonight. But all the dreams, waiting and wanting you so badly, have shown me what I've been denying for a long time. It's obvious that you don't want me too, but I have to tell you that I-I love you," she told me, her eyes downcast and her lips trembling from her emotions. My heart and throat swelled with elation. She loved me? Letting my instincts take over, I pulled her into my arms. This time, she didn't push me away. Seeing her pink lips in the darkness, I found my way to them. Crashing my own mouth onto hers, I felt her relax fully into my embrace. Agonizing passion filled me and I pulled her even closer into my body. Panic drove like a stake through my body when I realized that this might be my last chance with her. To redeem myself, to make her see that I did love her. That she wasn't just another woman to bring to my bed. I couldn't tell her these things. Not yet. Because it seemed impossible that I could feel this strongly about her. I couldn't love her when I barely knew her. But she'd said the very thing that had been plaguing me from the beginning. We'd both had the dreams. We really had known each other in those dreams and I knew that I'd given myself to her even before the dreams had started. She was my everything and I couldn't imagine the pain of seeing her in the other man's arms instead of my own.

Feeling emboldened by my panicked passions, I slid my tongue along her bottom lip. Begging for entrance. Wishing that we weren't in a dark alley at this moment. My hands roved along the tops of her thighs where the dress had ridden up. She gasped, her entire body shuddering with the force of her anticipation and delight. With her permission, I pushed inside her mouth, our tongues performing an intricate dance for dominance. Her chest was heaving against mine, pushing her breasts against my body. My manhood swelled, the blood rushing there so quickly that it was almost painful. Her delicate fingertips closed around my wrist, pulling my hand up to her chest and pressing my palm against the fabric of her dress. Moaning, I became aware of her hardened nipples. Grasping her breasts in my hands, she pulled away with a sharp gasp. Her fingers tangled in my hair and pulled me closer.

"Ron, please," she muttered, her arousal evident in every sigh and every flicker in her blue eyes. I smiled down at her, cupping her face, and stroking my thumb along her high cheekbones.

"I wish we were anywhere but here. Just you and me," I said, trying to convey my love for her in my eyes and my hands rather than from my mouth. Sometimes actions spoke louder than words but I guess that in this case, it wasn't working. A look passed over her face and before I could discern the emotions in her eyes, she wrenched her body away from me. I was frozen in place as she covered her mouth with her shaking hands.

"Ron, I..." her voice faded away for a moment, her disgust with our positions clear on her face. Then, she seemed to steel herself against me. She closed off her eyes and her chest heaved with determination, "I'm not a whore that you can take into your bed whenever you feel the urge, Ron. If and when you want something more, you know where to f-find me." Her stutter at the end was my only indication that she felt anything when she said that. The echo of her footsteps resounded in my head and my heart for what seemed like hours afterward. The words, spoken so honestly from her, tore me from within. How could she believe that I thought that of her? What had I done to make her think that?

_Maybe because you always leave her. You've never actually had a conversation outside of the dreams._

A flash of pain doubled me over and I had to clench my hands at my sides to keep from crying out. I had no qualms about using Britney as some common whore. But I realized suddenly that I was doing it to the same woman that I claimed to love. What sort of monster was I becoming?

**Becca's POV**

**September 12, 1944**

_I opened my eyes, instantly greeted by a blinding but beautiful burst of white light. I wanted to shut my eyes again, but I didn't. A moment later, my vision cleared and I realized that I was in a clearing filled with falling snow. I took in the trees surrounding me, the black death of them stark against the blanket of white. _

"_Becca," a soft, nearly unrecognizable voice called out to me through the midst of that falling snow. My heart nearly burst from my chest when I turned to see Ron standing there. His uniform was covered in blood, his skin so pale it was nearly translucent. Terror and panic ripped through me with a force that nearly brought me to my knees. _

"_Ron!" I gasped, rushing forward and taking him into my arms. His body was so cold, so close to the brink of death that I was nearly driven mad with worry. What would I do without him? Living in a world without him in it seemed like the worst betrayal. I knew that if he died, I would not be long for this life. I knew now what it really meant to die of heartbreak. I could feel it beginning even now. Chips of my heart seemed to be falling to the wayside, my vision narrowing so that the only thing I could see was his face. My fingers ghosted along his cheek, my heart pounding like a drum in my chest. I pressed his face to me, trying to warm him up with what little body-heat I possessed. In this frozen, desolate place, what more could I do? Civilization and his only chance at survival was miles away. Glistening drops fell from my eyes, rolled down my cheeks, and landed in his hair. Sniffing, I tried to stop them. Ron raised himself, weakly, so that he could see my face. The smile that overcame his face made my heart stop and joy filled my heart for a split moment. In his eyes, I could see distant memories flashing through my mind. Making me painfully aware of the fact that if I could not save him, there would be no more memories. There would be nothing left to hold me to this life. As much as I wanted to say that I loved him and Bill equally, it simply was not the truth. It had always been Ron, no matter how much I'd wanted it to be otherwise. _

"_Becca," Ron said, bringing me back to reality. My eyelids fluttered, revealing his pale face to me again, "Becca, I love you. And no matter what happens, I always will. I didn't want to-to die without telling you that._

"_I'm sorry for everything that I've done to you. I'm sorry I won't be able to marry you and make love to you one last time. I'm sorry that I won't be there when our first child is born," his voice trailed away, his eyes taking on that glassy look that terrified me so. I could see that he was hanging on to the dregs of life, gripping it by the edges so that he would not float away into the dark abyss. _

"_Ron," I whispered, hugging him against my chest. My heart was being torn to shreds and my lips moved in a mantra as old as the hills. _

"_Please don't let him die. God, please," I muttered, over and over. Every breath I took filled my lungs with air that burned me from within. It felt like I'd swallowed hot ash. Gasping and struggling to breathe, I failed to notice the body that was now limp and deathly cold in my arms. The body of the man that I loved had become nothing more than an empty shell. There was no breath to sustain his lungs, no heart to pump life through his veins. When I was able to breathe again, I stared down at him in numbed shock. _

"_Ron?" I asked, my voice echoing in the darkness surrounding us. In answer, I heard a single, heartbreaking sob wrench from my own throat when I realized that he was dead. _

Shooting up in bed, I felt the cold sweat that had covered my body once again. It had been the same dream for the past three nights. Nothing I did was able to abate it. Something about the dream unnerved me. As if it wasn't just a figment of my imagination, but something that would happen. Pulling my legs to my chest, I tried to hold back the sobs. My shoulders shook hard and fast to the rhythm of my heartbeat. Why did these things keep happening to me? Why was I dreaming about Ron dying in my arms? Perhaps because I was trying to acknowledge that I was losing him. That if I didn't do something soon, he would be lost to me forever. But I knew that it was already too late. He had made his choice and he hadn't stopped me from running away that night in the alley. I bit my lip, trying to stifle the sounds echoing through the room. My head was pounding and the blood was rushing to my ears in thick bursts that made my hearing fade in and out.

I didn't hear the entrance of another person into my room. Did not feel the bed move and shift beneath their weight. But I could feel their heat growing closer and closer until finally, they had wrapped their arms around my waist and pulled me into their chest. Soft lips moved across my hair, planting butterfly kisses there. It made some of the sadness fly away, leaving me feeling better than I had moments before. I pressed my face into the warm cavern of Bill's neck, soaking in his smell. It calmed my racing heart, gave my lips something to do besides shake. In response, I felt his muscles, taut beneath my fingers, flex and vibrate with some unseen stress.

"Becca?" he asked, his voice so hoarse that it almost didn't sound like him. I kissed along his neck, my heart soaring with exhilaration. All I could think about was the feel of his skin beneath my touch and the feel of him in my hands.

"Hm..." He started to draw his head back, his neck bending with my will. Then, he seemed to snap back to reality and grabbed my face in his hands. He pulled me away from him and gave me a look. One filled with exasperation and raw desire.

"I can't focus with you doing that to me," he muttered, rolling his thumb along my bottom lip. I smiled, letting the shudder of pleasure rock through me. It seemed my world had narrowed to this desire consuming me, this raw love needing to manifest itself between our bodies. Seeing the look of desperation that he shot me, however, I closed my senses to the want and need for him filling me.

"Okay, I'll be good," I muttered, letting a quiet sigh topple from my parted lips. Bill nodded, letting go of my face and dropping his hands into his lap. He stared at me a moment, all silent and thoughtful, before he reached into his breast pocket and produced two slips of paper. He smiled nervously at me and then pushed them into my waiting hands. My skin ignited with the slide of his calloused palm on the back of my hand. Weakly, I lifted the strips of paper and held them up to my face. They looked like weekend passes, but they couldn't be. Sink would never have allowed it. And even as I felt the unadulterated joy flood my heart, I felt my face fall, not daring to hope too much.

"Bill, are these what I think they are?" I asked, raising my eyes to meet his own. I could see from the sheepish look on his face that he was anxious, obviously anticipating my reaction to his surprise.

"If you think they're weekend passes for the two of us, then yeah," Bill said, running a hand through his black hair. I looked up at him, tears forming in my eyes. I smiled. This was exactly what I needed. A weekend away with him. Just the two of us. Alone.

I wasn't stupid or naïve enough to think that this was simply an idle gesture, that he wasn't expecting or at least hoping that maybe we could take things to the next level. And sitting there before him, my heart swelling with happiness, I couldn't help but think that was what I wanted too. How could I not love him when it was obvious that he was the much better choice? How could I not want to spend the rest of my life with him?

Muttering not a word, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed a soft but firm kiss to his lips.

"Bill, you shouldn't have," I whispered, my words flowing like some heated snake across his skin. He shuddered against me before pulling away. A wicked grin appeared on his face as he gently took my hand.

"Okay," he began, his eyebrows furrowing as he thought about what he was going to say, "We'll leave tonight..."

****

**September 13, 1944**

Giggling like two teenagers sneaking into the house after a long night of partying, Bill pulled me to the door of the cottage. I let myself be swept up in the country settings. The moonlight framed the rolling hills and swaying trees of the English countryside. The stars glittered above our heads, winking at us as they observed our comings and goings. Pale shades of clouds swirled through the air, blurring the moon as they passed under it. The world seemed to breathe sigh after sigh into the night. It blew through my hair, across my face, yet did nothing to cool my overheated skin. I closed my eyes, trying to let the soothing sounds of the night soak into my very soul. The crickets and the frogs hummed a tune as old as time. Somewhere in the distance, a horse neighed and a pig squealed. Owls hooted amongst the trees before diving towards the ground to capture some defenseless rodents in their fatal talons. I smiled, then gasped when I felt Bill's arm weave around my waist. His lips grazed the shell of my ear, nipping the lobe and eliciting a sharp moan from me.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, his hot breath fanning the flames of desire burning through my veins. The sexual tension between us had been building all night. What with the dancing and the romantic dinner before that. It had been beautiful and as far as it went, he'd been a complete gentlemen. Instead of deterring my desire, it increased it. And standing here, wrapped in the warmth of his embrace, I couldn't help but feel like I might die from waiting.

"Nothing," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. But my ragged breathing and accelerated heart-rate made that task impossible. Not to mention the movements of his lips against my bare neck. Shuddering at the contrast between his lips and the wind on my face, I whipped around. Taking him utterly by surprise, I jumped into his arms. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I was able to feel the proof of his arousal pressed against me.

"Bill, please. Don't tease me. I've had enough of that all night," I whispered, voice and lips urgent as I twisted my fingers into his hair. Panicked need shot through me and I crashed my mouth against his without a second's hesitation. He was stiff at first from his astonishment but soon, his lips were moving against mine with equal fervor. I slipped my tongue along his bottom lip. At the low, primal moan that bubbled up from his throat, I pushed my tongue inside his mouth. Drinking him in, I hardly realized that he was walking towards the door until he pushed me against it. My back slammed into the heavy wooden door, pressing our centers closer together. I pulled away, my eyelids slipping closed in reverent want.

"Bill." His name tumbling from my lips was nearly more than I could handle. My voice was so hoarse from so many things. I needed him so much it was nearly painful. Bill's dark eyes bored into my own blue ones. He searched my glassy orbs as if he could discern the secrets of my soul from just that one look. Seeing something that seemed to urge him on, his fingers closed around the doorknob behind me and pushed the door open. He walked around the door slowly, his fingers tangling into my growing hair and crashing our lips together again. We kissed, our lips dancing in an intricate battle for dominance. Electricity flowed through every point of contact, filling me with a sense of satisfaction that I had never felt before. This must be what other women felt when they were on the verge of their first time. I realized that besides Ron, I'd never really even considered giving up my virginity for another man. Every brush of skin, every sigh, every moan felt and sounded perfect. It was almost as if the world had been waiting for this moment. It was something in the air. Something alive and thriving that was weaving between our joined bodies and filling us with its essence.

I leaned away from him and he assaulted my neck, unbuttoning the front of my dark blue dress as he went. It fell into a pool of silk at our feet. My bra followed quickly after. Cold air covered my now bare skin with gooseflesh. But Bill's lips soon covered that skin and the coldness disappeared. His tongue made a quick trail from my collarbones to the nipple of my left breast. I'd hardly had time to really feel self-conscious. The heat was rising in me and I would have done nearly anything to quench it. Looking up at me for permission, he seemed to take the hint from my half-lidded eyes and parted lips. He took my breast in his mouth, his teeth lightly grazing the sensitive point. It shot a pang of desperate need to my throbbing core. I pushed my wetness against the hardness of him, moaning as my head fell backward.

"B-b-bill!" I muttered, like a mantra, into the silence of the house. Bill growled at the sound of his name falling so helplessly from me. He pulled away, looking up at me with a primal, masculine grin on his face. He looked like a predator stalking his prey.

"Yes?" he asked in a play of innocence.

"The bed, Bill, please. I can't take this. I-I need..." my voice trailed away. Without a question, he walked us backward to the bed. He stopped beside it, his hands moving down to his waist where my legs were locked. His hands started at the tops of my knees and ran like heated water up my legs. Across the insides of my thighs towards my aching core. When his fingers ran across the part of my body where I needed him most, I bucked against his hand. I wanted to scream in frustration when he unhooked me from his body and made me stand in front of him.

"You are so beautiful," he said, voice low and sensual. My heart skipped a few beats. Did he have any idea how much his words meant to me? How could he when I'd never told him anything about my past. Though, staring up at him in the dim light of the room, I realized that I might very well have the rest of my life to tell him stories like that. He would be the first man I had ever made love to and I tried not to think of Ron betraying me elsewhere with another woman. Though, I couldn't really blame him. I'd known before there was a chance that he wouldn't really love me. When he had such a gorgeous woman hanging from his arm, what did he need from me? Shaking my head, I slid toward the man here with me now. My hand on his chest, working to loosen the buttons of his jacket, I leaned on the tips of my toes to kiss him. It was soft and chaste compared to the others we'd shared all night. When I leaned away, I felt whole and satisfied except for the heat pooling between my thighs.

"Thank you," I whispered, tears glittering in my eyes. Confusion spread across Bill's face. He opened his mouth to speak but I shook my head, "Not tonight, please. I don't want to ruin this."We locked eyes and he saw something in my face that made him frown.

"Get on the bed," he said, voice low and carefully controlled. My blood ran cold for the first time since we'd walked through the door but I did what he said. I settled between the pillows, propped up on my knees so that I could watch him. He began to peel off his clothes, moving at a torturous pace that made my heart race and my throat run dry. His muscles rippled and moved in the light in ways that made my body sing with happiness. He was mine. This man was gladly giving me a part of himself and I couldn't have been happier about it. In the back of my mind I was sure something was stirring and I had a very good idea who it was about. It felt like I was betraying Ron in every possible sense of the word. But he had started this game of cat and mouse. He had run into Britney's arms. For what reasons I was still unsure and I didn't think I wanted to know.

I turned my attention back to Bill, unaware that it had ever drifted. I gasped, seeing his manhood bared to the world and mine for the taking. I shuddered, feeling my body hum with delight. It didn't matter that he was about to take the most precious thing I had to offer him. It didn't matter that I was betraying someone that did not care about me. All I could see, hear, and feel was Bill crawling across the bed toward me. I closed my eyes, relishing in the feel of his calloused hands moving along my quivering thighs. One low moan ripped through my throat as he pressed his lips from my stomach all the way to my mouth. He leaned back, staring so deeply into my eyes that I knew he would drown. His hand came up to cup my face, his thumb rolling gently on my cheekbone.

"I'll try not to hurt you okay?" he said, his lips pressing into my temple. I nodded. My hands began to tremble and my thighs quivered in excitement. Until he dipped his head and then glanced up at me with dark eyes the color of coals. Eyes that could stare through me to my very soul. Bill's face had morphed into one that had haunted me from the beginning. It was not Bill's hands that moved on my body nor Bill's legs that I was laying between. Pain and hurt etched itself through my blood, making me cry out in agony.

"Stop, I-I can't..." I whispered, hoping that he heard me. I couldn't do this. Not with Ron's face leering down at me with a smile so gentle I felt as if he really did feel something for me. He wasn't even here and he was keeping me from what I wanted the most. I wanted so much to be happy with Bill, to bask in the warmth of his love. Ron was stopping me from doing that. I felt Bill move away from me, his laborious breathing resounding through the room. He laid down behind me and encircled my waist with his arm. Pulling me against his body, his lips found their way to my neck.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, tears seeping out of my eyes and falling onto the pillow. I pressed myself more solidly against him, knowing that both of us would be hurting from the contact of his erection between us. I couldn't help it. The need to have him so close was overwhelming. He kissed along my neck.

"It's okay. Don't be sorry. I won't do anything unless you're ready, alright?" I nodded. But in my heart, I knew I would never truly be ready. Ron had already stolen my heart and it was much too late to get it back. Even at the expense of losing what little of myself I had left, I couldn't regret loving him.

**Okay so I'm sure that more than a few of you are pissed at me for this really disappointing ending to the chapter. I will blame my muse, Ber, for that little trick. She is a witch and she just couldn't stand the fact that Becca was about to get some happiness with Bill. I hope all of you liked it anyway. Please leave me a review so that I'll know if I completely fudged up with this one. :D By the way, I don't know if I mentioned this with the last update, but I am officially done with this story. And you guys are half-way finished. If you want any updates on when I'll be posting or what I'm working on right now, just go to my profile. I like to blog about my boring life on there lol. **

**Thanks so much to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. Captain ty, Dean's Leather Jacket, Nemo, BrokenAngel1753, and EllieMayy. I can't even tell you guys how much they meant to me. Especially for that last chapter lol. Oh! And Nemo-I'm so glad that you liked that chapter. :)**

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Easy Company. **


	26. All this Loses Meaning

_Angels say they could make you suffer_

_Give and take like a vicious lover_

_But all this loses meaning_

_You'll never want it back somehow_

_Awake but still I'm dreaming_

_And never waking up_

"_The Grace" by Neverending White Lights_

**Becca's POV**

I was jolted awake when someone shifted on the bed beside me. My heart was pounding hard and fast against the confines of my chest, my bare breasts heaving with the force of my breathing, and my mouth had gone dry. Where was I? And who's arm was thrown across my waist? Whose bare skin was spread so shamelessly against my own? The moment of panic passed as I slowly began to remember what had happened last night.

_Bill slowly unveiling his hard, muscled body to me...his hands stroking the undersides of my thighs...Ron's face flashing before my eyes in place of Bill's. _

Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes before I'd even realized that I'd closed them. Bill's lips on the back of my neck filled me with awareness and I started to pull away, not wanting him to hurt anymore. I still couldn't believe that I had let Ron come between us yet again. The tears begged to flow down my face at the thought of him with another woman. He had started this. I was tired of playing the games and I was tired of trying to convince myself to be happy when it was obvious that the only thing that could truly make me happy was completely out of my reach.

"Becca?" Bill asked behind me, his fingers reaching out for my body. But his warm reassurance was anything but this morning. There were too many things left unsaid and undone between us.

"No," I muttered, leaning away from him and wrapping my arms around myself. I stood up and made my way across the room to where my abandoned dress had been sitting all night. I'd never felt more alone and more terrified in my entire life as I pulled the green silk up my bare body. I could feel Bill's eyes staring holes into the back of my head. Once I had my dress secured, I went back over to the bed and sat down. Refusing to look at Bill because of my own shame, I faced away from him.

I tried not to think of the irony of the situation. Here was a man willing to give me everything and I couldn't take him because another had broken me. I'd never even really been with Ron. The man I knew him to be was kind and gentle. Full of life, lust, and love. But he was very different in reality. He was all riddles and I had never been good at them. For all my book smarts and logic, I'd never been able to figure out the greatest puzzle of all. That of human nature.

"What the hell do ya mean 'no'?" his voice rang through the room. I listened to the scratch of his boxers against the skin of his thighs and shivered, remembering all too well what was hiding beneath that thin layer of fabric.

"Bill, I can't keep doing this to you," I replied, my voice so quiet that I could feel him lean toward me to hear better. The silence and tension in the room was so thick that I could have sliced it apart with a knife. This moment had been building. Slowly but surely since the day that I had come here and seen Ron standing in the middle of the road. I knew it would come to this eventually and I knew that this was a turning point. A fork in the road. But how could I possible decide which path to take?

Bill's face swam into view and I realized he was kneeling before me, his mouth set in a determined line drawn of love and understanding. He grabbed my chin, forcing me to stare into his dark eyes, "Becca, I know what you're thinking. And believe me, I didn't think for a moment that this-us-was going to be easy. I know how you feel about Speirs and I know there's a lot working against me right now. But I want to be with you. I want to be the one you would think about if you were another man. I love you and all I want is a chance to change your mind. Please, Becca." I sobbed, choking on my own guilt and desperation. I could see that being with him, forcing him to be near me when I was thinking about Ron, was so selfish. But I needed Bill. For so much more than being my lover. He'd been my friend first and foremost. I didn't want to lose him. So I nodded and he smiled up at me, his dark eyes sparkling with joy.

He kissed the top of my head before moving across the room to grab our bags. He dressed quickly and I followed after him, pulling my uniform on. Trying to think about anything but what had just happened, I realized just how surreal it felt to still be here. A woman in Easy Company...it almost sounded like a badly-written sit com. Though, if I was the star, I couldn't have cared less. I wanted this more than anything and it saved me from having to establish myself in a world that felt like it was something out of my wildest imaginations.

Turning my attention back to the man kneeling before me, I realized with a sudden conviction that _he _was the man I should always be thinking about. He should be the one I dreamed of almost every night. Bill was the one who had never left me. I was the one who had always left him. Guilt filled me and I resisted the urge to start crying again. Instead, I reached down to take his hand in my own.

"Bill, I-I don't know where this is going to lead us or if I can get over Ron any time soon, but I can't lose you. You're the most important person to me so I'll try for you," I told him, whispering the words that were so true and so close to my heart. I still couldn't tell him the true extent of my feelings for him. I couldn't say the words that I knew he was desperate to hear fall from my lips. I simply wasn't ready and if I said it too soon, I might just be saying it to pacify him. I wanted to be sure about him. I wanted to know with all the strength in my body that I loved him, without question.

"I'll take it," he said, a smile gracing his lips a second before he leaned forward and laid a kiss on my forehead. My eyes closed of their own volition, my body telling me what my mind continued to deny. I wrapped my hands around his neck and pressed myself more firmly against him, aware of the little clothing that was between his bare skin and my own. Heat filled my cheeks, but I didn't pull away from him. For just this moment, I would let myself love him for all that I was worth. Fear and dread filled me at the thought of going back to Easy. I could imagine two pinpoints of burning, black anger staring at me. I envisioned those eyes surrounded be a strong jaw, dark brown hair, and a frown that would tell me what his eyes could not. I knew that Ron would be angry at seeing Bill and I return from our weekend together. I didn't want to care what he thought about it, but I couldn't seem to help it. How could I just stop caring about someone who I would readily give myself to mind, body, and soul?

**Ron's POV**

_Their legs were entangled beneath the sheets, their bare bodies pressed so firmly together that not a breath of air could pass between them. I looked on. In horror, in disgust, in fury. How had it come to this? Had I pushed Rebecca so far that she had no other choice but to run into the arms of this other man? Jealousy and anger burned within me, lighting my insides with such hatred that I was sure if I had the chance I would kill the man wrapped so firmly around her perfect body. _

_I could still hear the sounds of their love-making. Her soft moans and pants reverberated in my ears. His primal growls and grunts as he pushed himself within her soft folds cut through me to my very soul. There was no hurt, no pain greater than this. Of another man taking the woman you were in love with. Yet at the same time, I could see that she was happy. I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to pull her away from him and never let her go again. But there was always something that held me back. That exultant smile that curled her lips upward as she descended the winding staircase of sweet bliss was what kept me back. If I had had a doubt in my mind of my feelings for her, this was the turning point. There was no doubt, no question of whether or not I loved her. The only question I had left was if I was strong enough to let her leave me behind to be happy with her sergeant. _

The dream kept running through my mind. Over and over and over again. The same question had been plaguing my thoughts from the moment I had woken up. Was I strong enough to let her go? I wanted to be strong enough for that. I wanted to be so many things for her. Unselfish, easily forgiving. But the truth was that I wasn't any of those things. Of course I wanted to see her happy. With me, not him. Besides, what man honestly wants to see the woman they love with another man?

I walked a few more feet, pausing when I saw a jeep pull up next to the curb in front of me. Seeing two familiar faces, I ducked around the corner of a building to watch them in secret. Jealousy writhed like a monster inside my stomach, growling and lying in wait to be unleashed. I gritted my teeth and balled my hands to keep myself in check. Losing my temper at a time like this was not the answer.

The sergeant hopped down from the jeep, ran around to the other side and helped Becca down. For a moment, it looked as if he would let her move around him to grab her bag, but then he grabbed her wrist. I could see the possessiveness and the desire in that one touch. I seethed in silence, staying in place the hardest thing I had ever had to do. Becca turned her eyes upward, taking in the set lines of his face. A blush spread itself across her cheeks and I could see something in her eyes that made my heart break. Maybe the dream hadn't been just that. Perhaps the connection between us hadn't been broken by her coming here. Anger rushed anew through my system. At her, at the sergeant, at God himself. What had I done to deserve such pain?

Slowly, he bent his head to capture her lips in a searing kiss. It was full of passion, desire, and love. I gulped. That was it. Another reason she wouldn't be with me was this man kissing her right in front of me. I closed my eyes, trying to block out the images already imprinted on my brain. I couldn't stand this, couldn't take the burning hatred, the despair gripping my soul so tightly that I was choking on its stinging essence. I turned away from them, not able to bear the sight of them any longer. But as I walked away, a shining ray of hope shone across my mind. A memory of a few days before flashed before my eyes.

"_Ron, I...I didn't realize before tonight. But all the dreams, waiting and wanting you so badly, have shown me what I've been denying for a long time. It's obvious that you don't want me too, but I have to tell you that I-I love you." _

Her love for me could not have faded in such a short space of time. Even if she had made love to him, there was still a chance that I could change her mind. I just didn't really have any idea how to go about doing that.

**Becca's POV**

Bill pulled away first. His breath blew in hot, comforting waves across my face. I kept my eyes closed, trying to savor this one perfect moment before we had to face reality again. The weekend away with him had let me have fun again. Fun without bullets raining down on us from all sides, fun without seeing uniformed men wherever we went. It had been refreshing and I was nowhere near ready to go back to the bloodshed and despair that was sure to come soon. I tried to remember all the things my father had told me about Easy and I thought that there was going to be a drop soon.

"You okay?" Bill asked me and I realized his voice was not as close as it should have been. I opened my eyes, my breath coming in a sharp gasp when I saw him at the back of the jeep getting our bags out.

I stared at him for a second, my heart throbbing with want and need. His black hair was still ruffled from the workings of my hands as we'd kissed. His lips were swollen and pink. My pulse raced in my neck and I had to smile when he met my eyes. His eyes were twinkling with excitement.

"Look doll face, I know I'm gorgeous but mind helping me out with these bags? You packed a horse in yours or something," Bill said, chuckling as I stalked over to him and smacked him upside the head.

"Now you've done it," he muttered mischievously. He dropped the bags and lunged toward me, his fingers tickling my sides. Letting out a peal of laughter, I basked in the joy that was encompassing my heart. If only life could be so easy. I thought I deserved a bit of happiness after losing the only thing that had been important in my life. Apparently, God had different plans for me.

Someone clearing their throat behind us had Bill's fingers freezing along my sides. We both turned on our heels, taking in the sight of the familiar face before us. I breathed a sigh of relief and I felt Bill's hands slide back to his sides. I immediately missed the warmth and comfort of him wrapped around me. Trying to keep the disappointment off my face, I looked shyly up at Lipton. He was looking at us both with a knowing smile.

"Winters wanted me to get you two when you got back. There's a meeting scheduled today for two o'clock," he told us, walking forward and grabbing my bag from my feet. Then he threw an arm around my shoulders and pulled me forward toward the house I was staying in.

"What the hell are you doin' Lip?" Bill called behind us. I chuckled at him and so did Lipton.

"Get back to barracks, Gonorrhea." I covered my mouth with my hand to keep my giggles stifled. Though, when the man beside me sighed and let his hand fall back to his side, the laughter died in my throat. I glanced up at him, afraid of what I would see there. Condemnation, anger, disappointment? It surprised me when I didn't see any of that staring down at me. It was sadness.

"What's the matter?" I asked, worry etching itself across my face. Lipton turned to me, his eyes glassy and his mouth set into a dejected frown. I set my hand in his, giving his fingers a small squeeze, "Carwood?" He turned his head toward me, his eyes clearing as though a curtain was being lifted from them.

"I'm fine. It's just...it's been a long time since I've heard someone laugh like that. With all the-with everything that's happened to us, I'm glad that at least one of us can still laugh like that," Lip replied, his voice so quiet that I had to lean in slightly to hear everything that he was saying. That sent my head reeling. I had never thought about the fact that just maybe I was here to help Easy too. They'd already helped me in more ways than one. Accepting me first as a new addition to their tightly-knit group. And then welcoming me with open arms when they were told that I was really a woman. Of course, what band of 150 men _wouldn't _want a woman in their midst while they roved the country side fighting the Germans?

Could this be why I'd been sent back? I knew about their history. Or at least what I could remember about it from what my father had told me. It was more than that though. I had what none of them had. I was a woman. Could that make all the difference between those times when they were down on their luck? I couldn't know until we got to Bastogne, but I would do everything in my power to keep all of them from falling off the deep end. I would try to keep their morale up when we were stuck in the frozen holes in the middle of the forest surrounded by the enemy.

"Well, I'm glad to be of service, Lip," I said, trying to keep my tone light. When I saw the smile curl his lips, I knew I'd done a good job of it. He squeezed my hand back and then let it drop back to my side. The warming of my heart told me that finally, I'd found my purpose in traveling back to this time. I couldn't help but feel light-headed with the revelation. Could I really be that for so many men? I had no idea, but I would try my hardest to do that. It was the least I could do considering how much more they had to endure than me.

* * *

"Hey, it's Becca!" Joe said, motioning me over as I walked through the entrance of the building. It was cramped in here, but my mind was filled with other things as I moved between the men.

"Hey Joe. Hey Bill," I said quietly. Settling between the two , I looked up at the stage before us. I could see Nixon and Winters in the back, their heads together and their mouths moving fast as they tried to figure out some last minute details of the next jump. Lipton was standing there, his canteen in his hand and his eyes roving over everyone and everything in the room. The fear and trepidation that was suddenly permeating the air was palpable. If you didn't focus on something other than what lay ahead of us in gallons of bloodshed, tears, and sweat then you had a chance of not drowning in it. But, I couldn't help but think about it. After all, what I had just realized had been running over and over in my head since I'd talked with Lipton. I found myself with such a big responsibility. And the fact that I had finally discovered the reason for me being here was slightly disconcerting. I knew I could do it. In some ways, I guessed I'd already done it. Then again, time traveling had never been my area of expertise so I didn't know how it worked exactly.

A jolt shot through my arm to my left. I looked toward the source and saw Bill looking at me with a smirk on his face. I raised my eyebrows at him and he jerked his head toward where Nixon and Winters were now standing, facing the whole of Easy Company.

"You might want to pay attention for this," he whispered in my ear, sending electricity across my skin. Would he ever stop making me feel so strongly? I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the jumbled mixture of emotions coursing through my mind so that I could pay attention to the details of our next jump. I was sure that's what it was. Past Dick, I could see the bold letters spelling out: Operation Market Garden. I shuddered, recognition flooding through me. We were jumping into Holland.

"As you can see, this next jump is called Operation Market Garden," Dick said, his strong voice resounding through the cramped room. Bill shifted beside me, the tense muscles of his leg brushing against my own. I reached over and took his hand, entwining our fingers and silently telling him that I was here for him. He squeezed my fingers and I smiled.

"As far as the number of Airborne divisions involved, this one is bigger than Normandy. We're making the drop into occupied Holland. Our objective-," Dick paused as he turned around and motioned at the map. He traced a road that was located between two large dots, "is to take this road here between Eindhoven and Arnhem so that two British Armored Divisions can move up and toward Arnhem." Bill looked at me and I could see in his eyes that he wanted to ask me something. I'd had a feeling that knowing the future would affect our situation somehow. But even now, I could somehow sense my memories of the future slipping away. It had been so long since I'd heard the sound of my father's voice and I'd tried so hard to push all the thoughts of him from my mind. These repressed memories were coming back in snatches and snippets, slowly and steadily. So, I couldn't tell Bill much. But I knew enough that at least through Eindhoven, we would be safe.

"We've been given the task of liberating Eindhoven, stay there, and wait for the tanks to arrive," Dick concluded. He nodded, his icy blue eyes piercing through each of us with that quiet strength that was all him. He turned around and that seemed to be Nixon's cue to walk forward.

"The entire Allied advance has been put on hold to allocate resources for this operation. We'll be under British command since it's Montgomery's plan," Nix paused as the groans made the rounds of the crowd. Bill rolled his eyes beside me and I giggled.

"Fuckin' Brits," Bill muttered before reaching in his pocket and taking out a cigarette.

"Good news is, if this works, we'll get over the Rhine and into Germany. That could get us home by Christmas." I tried to keep my face neutral. There was no way of knowing for certain if history would repeat itself or if it would change because of something I would do. If it did repeat, then none of us would be going home until next year.

"It's going to be a daytime jump. Intelligence says that we shouldn't expect much opposition. They think the Krauts in Holland are mostly kids and old men and we should take them all by surprise. In any case, I don't think they're gonna call this one off so say goodbye to England boys." I cleared my throat, raising my eyebrow at him. He smiled, obviously happy for the break in the monotony of his words.

"And girl, sorry," he chuckled. The sigh of relief swept through the room and everyone chuckled. I smiled, a blush forming on my face before I ducked my head.

"Alright, dismissed," Dick called. We all moved toward the door as one unit, all of us already thinking about the jump. What would be waiting for us in Holland? If the intelligence was right on this one, we shouldn't expect much of a fight. So, just maybe, knowing the future wouldn't change the course of history. Something about that statement sent a chill down my spine. I'd never really thought about the fact that maybe something would happen to one of the people I cared about and I would want to change history.

**So I did get to double-check this one and hopefully the changes I made will make it easier to read as well as more enjoyable. I know it always takes away when I see a ton of errors in a chapter. Anyways...a full week without regular internet access ahead of me at my mom's house. Yay! O.o Yes that is my super-sarcasm face lol. Anywho...I wanted to send a huge thank you to everyone who reviewed for this chapter. Miss AivieEnchanted is the lucky gal who tied SID with my first Speirs story, LMHH, in the way of reviews. They're both at 169 right now and of course SID is only half-way finished. So, HUGE thank you to her for that. And also thank you to: Finelame86, captain ty, EllieMayy, Dean's Leather Jacket, and BrokenAngel1753 for reviewing for chapter 25. They were all greatly appreciate and I hope I didn't miss anyone in replying to their comments. Oh and a really big thank you to captain ty because of course she's the one who's put up with me the whole way through this story as well as the extremely slow start for the next story I'm working on as of right now. Check out my profile for my details and story updates. **

**The usual disclaimer applies. I mean no disrespect towards the real men on which this story is based. I only my OCs and the original plot of this fic. **


	27. I Am Not Afraid

_A love that's so demanding _

_I can't speak_

_I am not afraid to keep on living_

_I am not afraid to walk this world alone_

_Honey if you stay I'll be forgiving_

"_Famous Last Words" by My Chemical Romance_

**Becca's POV**

**September 17, 1944**

I shifted in my seat to look out the window. Outside the plane, the sky was a light blue spattered with fluffy white clouds. And across the horizon were hundreds upon hundreds of airplanes all filled with paratroopers waiting to jump. My pulse jumped against my skin, pulsing like some wild animal in my chest. I'd done this before but somehow, it felt like my first time all over again. Bill's hand moved gently against my open palm. His fingers traced intricate designs there that only he could see. I shuddered, guilt filling me as I closed my eyes and saw another man.

Was Ron okay? I squeezed my eyes shut, trying desperately to forget him. Was this to be the reality of the rest of my life-haunted by the possibilities of what could have been between us? I couldn't help but wish that I was with him. His arms wrapped around me and his lips pressed firmly to my forehead. I missed him hopelessly and seeing him above me in Bill's place when we had been on the verge of making love had not helped things. These urges, this wanting for him plagued me even more so now. Suddenly, I wanted to cry. I hugged my hands together, imagining his bare flesh in my palms and his warmth wrapping me up in its tight embrace. There was no doubt in my mind now of what I wanted. If I was with Bill and yet all I could think about was Ron, then there was no real question of who I really wanted to be with.

_But you are in love with Bill too. If you're not meant to be, then why does the thought of giving him up hurt so much?_

I couldn't answer that question, not yet. It terrified me, sitting on the cusp of an unknown abyss. Knowing that every decision I made could somehow destroy someone else's life scared me beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Yet I was powerless to stop it. I shook my head as despair threatened to engulf me. There would be a time for sorrow and pity, but it was not now. I had a job to do now. A moment later, Bill was tugging me to my feet and had placed himself behind me. I sent him a grateful smile over my shoulder. He laid a gentle kiss to my neck. It was almost enough to push the thoughts of Ron from my mind-almost. Bill tapped my shoulder, his shouted words blowing along my ear and making me shiver in anticipation.

"Three okay!"

"Two okay!" I said, tapping Malarkey's shoulder. I could see the sly grin on his face as he completed the sound off. He moved to the door, the stupid grin earning him a glare from me and a punch on the arm from Bill.

"Not a word, Mal, or I'll staple your mouth shut!" Bill shouted at him, his dark eyes flashing dangerously. I rolled my eyes, silently preparing myself for the jump. I would be fine. I just had to get out the door. The rush from hurtling to the ground was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. It almost made this fear, this trepidation, worth it. Falling to the Earth was magical and I knew no drug could possibly make me feel like that. I felt Malarkey's body being taken away by the air outside. I moved closer to the door, my hands settling on both sides of the entrance. My heart was pounding in my chest and my lungs were fit to burst with anticipation.

Bill leaned forward, his warmth settling like some gentle beast against my back. I breathed in the smell of him, letting my heart soar for a moment before pulling myself forward and jumping out of the plane. I let myself enjoy what I couldn't the first time. The wind rushed along my body and blew my hair every which way. A peal of giggles bubbled up my throat. I found myself grinning as I took in the hundreds of men falling steadily to the ground. There was nothing to compare this feeling to. It was almost as if for those few minutes, all of my problems and worries drifted to the back of my mind. I didn't think about anything except the adrenaline and raw joy running through my veins.

All too soon I was tumbling to the ground, my legs entangling themselves in my parachute and my uniform getting covered by dirt and grass stains. The silky folds billowed gently around my body. I couldn't help but lay there for one more moment, soaking in the remnants of my oblivious contentment. As I was standing up, a large weight landed on me. They knocked the air out of me, my lungs heaving with exertion against the pressure on my chest. I realized with a start that we were pressed front-to-front. I raised my eyes, taking in the familiar strong jaw and full lips before landing at last on the dark eyes that had haunted my dreams for so long. I licked my lips as my heart gave a painful wrench. I tried to shut out the sound of my own voice yelling the words that had sealed our fates so completely.

"_I'm not a whore that you can take into your bed whenever you feel the urge, Ron. If and when you want something more, you know where to f-find me." _I closed my eyes for a moment, feeling the pain and doubt flooding through me and replacing the high from the jump. My blood ran cold and my lips began to tremble. His warm skin seemed to hover over me for a few painfully long seconds before he finally cupped my cheek. The pad of his thumb rubbed a soothing trail along my cheekbone, a feeling I reveled in. It had been too long since he'd touched me. Again, the memories of when we'd last talked flashed through my mind. My eyes began to sting and I pressed myself more firmly into the palm of his hand, seeking a way to keep the tears at bay. When I was sure I would not cry, I opened my eyes and saw him looking down at me with a strange expression on his face. He looked pained, almost as if he was holding back from doing something more than just holding my face. I wanted, _needed_, to take that look from his eyes. I turned my head slightly to press a lingering kiss to his heated palm. At the feel of my lips against his skin, he moaned. It was a soft sound, filling me with a thrill I had never known. It was nice after all that had happened between us that I could still make him react to me in this way.

Glancing shyly up at him, I saw that his face was filled with nothing but desire and want now. The pain and sorrow was gone. I smiled up at him, teasing my bottom lip with my teeth. I leaned upwards, straining from having his body pressed so firmly to my own, and pressed a light trail of kisses to his neck.

"Ron," I whispered, wishing with all my heart that we could just stay here like this forever, "kiss me." I felt him chuckle humorously before pulling away from me. He traced the outline of my lips as if he needed time to consider it. Then, he shook his head and smiled sadly at me.

"I won't kiss you, Becca," he said, his voice low and husky on the wind in my ears, "Every time I do, you pull away from me and I-I can't stand it anymore." I closed my eyes, feeling such pain radiate through my chest that it became hard to breathe. I reached forward and gripped his hand in my own, keeping it pressed to my cheek.

"Ron," I said, feeling my eyes tear up anew. But I refused to let them fall and pushed them down, down, down. Until they were no more. He watched me struggle with the tears that so desperately wished to be set free from my eyes, his frown widening on his face. He knelt beside me again, his hand moving to the back of my neck. He pulled me into him, his lips pressing firmly against my forehead. We stayed like that for a few silent moments, our breathing the only sound in our ears. Ron leaned away first, making quick work of standing up and pulling me to my feet. He sent me another sad smile, bringing my hand to his lips and kissing my knuckles. A pang went through my heart that had nothing to do with the sorrow threatening to surround me in its dark shrouds. Desire and love shot through me and I could only hope that it showed on my face. I watched Ron drop my hand and straighten his helmet on his head before starting to walk away from me. I grabbed my wrist, worrying my lip with my teeth again. Could I let him walk away again without saying the words that I so wished to? Setting my face, I cleared my throat.

"Ron?" I shouted after him, my voice straining slightly from the tears. He turned around, the smirk in place that I loved so much. He was looking at me like I was the only person he ever wanted to see and talk to again. It gave me the strength to call out the words I knew he would want to hear, "I still love you." I watched his face for any acknowledgment, but none ever came. His frown deepened and I could almost see something dark and twisting in his eyes before he turned away from me. Never looking back, never uttering a word to me, he started walking away. I had no idea what to think. Regret grappled with my heart, wrestling it violently to the ground and holding it hostage. What had I done to make him treat me this way? After what he'd said, after refusing to kiss me, the least he could have done...

I cut off my train of thought, trying to find the answer within myself to draw sense from what Ron had done to me. But nothing I considered seemed to fit. Whatever Ron's motives, I was sure that I wouldn't survive much more from him. I was close to my breaking point. I could feel it lingering on the edges of my periphery, waiting for the right moment to strike. When the cord snapped, I knew that it would be the death of me. It would be the ending of everything that I'd ever known. Because as much as I loved Bill, I could not marry him and live my life with nothing but regret eating away at me. I couldn't explain it, but somehow I knew that Ron was the only man for me. Even though we'd been separated by a lifetime, we were meant to be together. If I couldn't have him, then the meaning of my life would disappear. I wondered if I was being too dramatic, if somehow I'd gotten so mixed up in all the confusion and hesitancy that had become my existence. But this didn't feel like a badly-written soap-opera. This was the stuff of history. I was living history and no matter what I tried to do, the past had already been written. All I could do was hold on and hope that everything would turn out okay.

"SMALLS!" a voice behind me called out. I turned around, seeing a figure running toward me at full speed. My heart jumped into my throat for a moment, wondering if they'd seen Ron and I. I still didn't know how he felt about me. Hell, as far as I knew he was still engaged to Britney. Shaking my head with a sad smile on my face, I tried desperately to push all the thoughts of him out of my mind. I knew that focusing on him now would only cause trouble. I had a job to do, one that didn't include trying to figure out Ron's motives for pushing me away after he'd admitted that he couldn't stand me pulling away from him anymore.

"Yeah, Skip?" I replied, pushing my helmet further back on my head and pulling my medical bag more firmly against my thigh. He skidded to a halt beside me and rolled his eyes at me.

"Friendly with Sparky huh?" he asked me, his grin giving the Cheshire Cat a run for his money. I stood there, my jaw dropping nearly to my feet and my heart pounding so hard and fast against my chest that it began to throb painfully at every point of contact.

"Muck, please..." my voice trailed away as his warm fingers twisted around mine. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze, a serious frown on his face for a moment before he winked at me playfully.

"Don't worry, Smalls, your secret's safe with me. Now let's hurry up and find Easy before they leave us behind." I laughed, relief coursing through me. Skip may have been the company clown, but he wasn't one to tell secrets that weren't his to tell. I knew that sooner or later, that defining moment would come back to haunt me. Even now, I had a sickened feeling twisting itself in my stomach. It filled me with dread and before I took off running after Skip, I allowed it to consume me whole. I closed my eyes. The pain seeped into every nerve of my body and then with a shuddering breath it disappeared. Letting my legs carry me as far away from my thoughts as they could, I trailed after Muck with a grin on my face. It was strange that running could make me so happy but it did. That, more than anything else, it convinced me that no matter the heartache I was sure to endure in the coming months, I was still myself. I would always just be Rebecca Harris, the only girl in Easy Company.

A moment later Skip and I were dropping down into a ditch along with the rest of Easy. I landed between Bull and Malarkey. They both smiled over at me before looking around at Hoobler, who was inching up the line toward first platoon. He and Cobb both had handfuls of dark brown bottles. I watched them in awe, still surprised after all I'd seen that they could find alcohol in the middle of a war zone. Rolling my eyes, I turned to face the front, seeing Lieutenant Peacock crouched beside Buck a few feet away. I couldn't hear what the Lieutenant was saying, but I got the gist when Bull motioned for First to get on its feet. Buck did the same to us and we followed behind first platoon, all of us on alert.

When Bill sidled up next to me, I could feel his presence like a dark weight pushing down on my soul. I'd yet again discovered another reason that he was not the right man for me and it was tearing me apart inside. Being with him would be so much easier, so much simpler. But of course I'd chosen one of the most confusing, most impossible men to fall in love with. Still, I couldn't help but feel that first pulse of desire when Bill's hand enclosed my own. I turned my head toward him, a smirk forming on my lips at his smile.

"Almost thought I'd lost you."

"You can't get rid of me that easily, Bill," I joked, gripping my bag tighter to my body as we neared the fence before us. I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. At once, we all surged forward, readying ourselves for the inevitable fight that was bearing down on us. Bill let go of my hand so that he could grip his rifle in his hands. I watched the woman lean out the window and tie an orange sheet to the window. Bill and I looked at each other, each of us giving the other a confused expression. What the hell was going on here?

"Hold your fire," Buck called out to all of us. I closed my eyes a moment, feeling the peace and serenity of the town seeping into my body. When I opened them, Bill was watching me with curiosity burning in his dark eyes.

"What is it?" he asked me. I never answered his question. Dick had just walked up and was motioning for all of us to proceed with caution. They would all find out soon enough that we weren't going to jump back into the fighting just yet. Though, I couldn't deny the sense of foreboding that hung over me like a tiger laying to pounce. I could do nothing but hope that whatever it was, it wasn't too bad.

Following Dick's orders, we filed through the town with our platoons. We were immediately met with cheers, singing, and showers of kisses. Orange banners lined the streets. The women and little girls wore orange strips in their hair as ribbons while they danced in the streets. The men, whenever we passed them, grabbed our hands and muttered their thanks to us. The unadulterated joy and gratefulness shining in all of their eyes had me crying silent tears before them. I could only imagine the pain and suffering they had all endured for the past five years. They deserved this and I could see they were enjoying it for as long as it lasted. The soldiers seemed to be enjoying themselves too. I couldn't help but wonder if Ron was somewhere in this crowd letting women kiss him. It was selfish and stupid to think that just because I loved him he wouldn't want to be with other women. He didn't owe me anything, but it still hurt. Like driving a sharpened spike through my heart. The thought brought tears anew to my eyes. As the first drops threatened to run down my cheeks, I felt someone come up beside me and take my hand.

"You okay, Becca?" Bill's breath blew across my neck. It made me shudder with desire. My entire body throbbed with need and want. I could do nothing but close my eyes and let his warmth wrap me its tendrils around me in a tight embrace. I squeezed his fingers, knowing that if I were strong enough to let Ron go, Bill would be waiting here for me. I had to wonder if maybe I should just be with him. I knew that I couldn't live without him and the fact still remained that Ron had Britney now. I had nothing to tie Ron to me.

Nothing at all. The words rang through my ears, making my heart constrict painfully. I took a less than steady breath and shook Bill off.

"I'm fine," I said, my voice so quiet that even I could not hear it above the uproar of the voices around us. Without any further explanation, I ducked through the crowd and settled inside the hollow of an empty alleyway. Leaning my back up against the wall and pressing my face into my hands, I let the suppressed sobs and unrelenting tears pour down my face. I realized now that I'd been kidding myself this entire time. I'd been waiting and waiting for Ron to do something, anything, to reassure me of his feelings. Not of lust but of love. And that was not at all what I'd gotten. I was convinced that he had pulled away from me today because he didn't want to lead me on anymore. He was tired of playing this game with me, ready to settle down with Britney and leave me in the dust.

"Oh God!" I sobbed, choking on the misery gripping my heart and crushing it to thousands of pieces.

"Becca..." Bill's voice trailed away as he knelt beside me and pulled me into the comfort of his arms. He pressed his lips to my neck, breathing me in before pulling away and kissing the hands that were still covering my face, "Please, don't hide from me. Let me help you, please." I could hear the pleading lilt to his voice. Bill Guarnere was pleading with me and I had no choice but to lower my hands for him. I could never deny him anything. Because doing so would be the worst kind of betrayal for myself and my love for him. I wouldn't give him up, not for anything. Although, I knew that as selfish as I was, I knew that I had to let go of him. Before it got any worse, before he fell even more in love with me.

"Bill," I cried, looking up at him with blurry eyes, "Please, leave me alone. I-I can't do this anymore. I can't keep leading you on like this because every time Ron so much as looks at me, I fall into a blubbering mess." Something in my voice softened Bill's features for a moment. Then, his expression was set into one of blind determination again. He grabbed my upper arms, holding me so that I couldn't look at anything but him. I could see the love shining in his eyes and it broke my heart. I was hurting him. I could see it and nothing good would come from him loving me. It hurt even more knowing that I had done this. I would be the cause of myself and him breaking in the end.

"Becca, you need to listen to me," Bill began, his eyes turning nearly black in his fiery passion, "I know that you love him. I know that nothing I do can change that. But, don't run away from me. Don't run away from what we can be if you'd just give it a chance. Trust me to protect you and love you in the ways that he can't." I stared up into his face, feeling a watery smile forming on my lips. I couldn't help but agree with what Bill was saying. Maybe it was time that I realized that Ron had always been too far out of my reach. I cupped his cheek and leaned forward to press a brief but electric kiss to his lips.

My eyes still closed from the passion coursing through my veins, I whispered against his lips, "I love you, Bill. More than you can ever know." Knowing that he would want to see the conviction in my eyes, I opened them and gave him a small smile. The smile that graced his mouth was softer than ever before. He gave a sigh and bent forward to nestle his face in the crook of my neck. He kissed the skin there, sending a shudder through my body. That simple touch spoke volumes of what he couldn't say in that moment. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him to me until I was as sure as I could be that he was the right choice for me. It didn't take long and then I had to wonder if I'd known all along.

* * *

Fields upon fields of flowers surrounded us as we moved slowly but surely toward Nuenen. The purple and yellow faces of the plants swayed silently in the soft breeze. It made me think of the park that my father had taken me to when I was a little girl. There was something nostalgic about all the men's faces too. As if seeing those flowers reminded them of things that had long since drifted from their immediate memories. I was reminded again that I had nothing else in the world, nothing but these men to keep me company.

I huddled closer against Bill's side, his fingers playing a light rhythm on my leg. We were sitting on the back end of a tank with Martin and Heffron. The cranks and groans of the tank beneath us filled my ears with a loud buzzing. I couldn't focus too hard on the noises around me or I knew I would get a headache. That was definitely not a good idea when we were about to run into a town controlled by the Germans. To my left, I could hear Webster's strong voice ringing out in the chilling air.

"Hey! Vincent Van Gogh was born in Nuenen," he said to no one in particular. I giggled when Cobb turned to him and made a face. He threw up his hands a little.

"Who cares, Web?" he asked, sending me a wink over his shoulder. I rolled my eyes in his direction, mouthing at him to play nice. I turned my attention back to Bill who was still tapping me on the leg.

"That tickles," I told him, unable to keep the grin off my face when he hit a sensitive spot on my thigh. Smiling up at me with mischief in his eyes, Bill dug his index finger into the spot. A peal of laughter erupted from my throat and I covered my mouth to keep the sound from becoming too loud. Letting my hand fall again, I smacked Bill's upper arm.

"You're a horrible tease," he pouted, letting his arms slide from my legs back into his own lap. I reached for him, grazing my fingers through his own so that I could hold his hand.

"I didn't tell you to start tickling my legs, Bill," I muttered in his ear, my teeth running along his skin and making him moan softly. A gentle shove from behind us had me pulling away from him. A stinging blush ran along my cheeks and I bit my bottom lip to keep from sighing in embarrassment. Bill laughed as he sent a look over his shoulder at Heffron who was grinning.

"Why don't you two love birds get a room?" Martin asked as he flicked his cigarette onto the ground.

"I heard they already did that," Heffron snickered. Bill rolled his eyes before leaning over to smack Babe upside the head. The yells from the front of the tank had him pausing mid-motion.

"Lieutenant!" Bull shouted, breaking the spell of relaxation that had temporarily settled over all of us. Trying to crane my neck to see over everyone's heads, I froze when I heard the shot resounding through us all. I closed my eyes a moment, letting the rush of bodies to get off the tank pull me with it and into the safety of the ditches on the side of the road. I opened my eyes, assaulted by the flash of movement before me. Soldiers were clambering over and around one another to reach the ditch while up front, Bull was kneeling beside Lieutenant Brewer's shaking body. I shook with trepidation, knowing that if someone didn't help him soon it would all be over for him. His family would never know what really happened on this day. They would never know that no one went forward to save him when it would have made the difference between life and death. Surging forward, I was able to get a few feet before someone's hand enclosed around my own. I turned and saw Bill's dark eyes shining up at me. I looked down at him, my heart and my head pounding. I was torn on what I should do. Nearly every part of me wished to stay with him in safety but another part of me felt the call of the man's blood spilling across the gravel beneath him. I wrenched my wrist from Bill's grasp, knowing that he would let me go if I asked him to.

"I have to help, Bill. I have a job to do here. Please don't stop me from doing it," I said to him. I didn't give him time to hold me back any longer. I lunged forward, my legs carrying me faster and faster until I had finally slid in beside Lieutenant Brewer. I looked up at Bull and nodded.

"I got him, don't worry," I told him, patting him quickly on the shoulder. My eyes moved like lightning from Bull's worry-ridden face to the face of the man in front of me. His hands were clutching wildly at his neck, trying desperately to stop the flow of blood. I looked down at him, gently prying his hands away from himself. He didn't put up much of a fight. The life was draining so quickly from him that I wasn't sure if it was too late to save him or not. Without thinking, I reached forward and shoved my fingers into his neck, feeling for the delicate artery that was seeping the blood from him so willingly. Meanwhile, another medic ran over to us and nodded at me before reaching inside his bag for morphine. Plunging the surret into the man's shoulder, I felt his body go completely limp after a few seconds. Together, we made short work of fixing Brewer up. As we carried him to the back of the queue, I couldn't be sure that he would make the night, but I had to keep hoping. That was all any of us could do in this situation.

"You go on, I can manage him from here," the other medic said, seeing the fear and anxiety glittering in my eyes. I nodded at him, unable to do anything but run off to go find Easy again. It wasn't hard. I followed the sounds of their shouts and the trails of the rumbling tanks. Finally, I saw most of First platoon propped up against a building straight ahead of me. Running at full speed and trying to keep myself low to the ground, I shoved myself into the wall, pressing myself against it as hard as I could. My lungs were fit to burst, but I knew that my running was far from over. My chest heaved upward, my tongue darting across my lips to moisten them. And that's when I heard it. The gasps of the men up front as Bull came charging back around the corner. He was low to the ground and quickly told Martin to take three other men and go across the street. There was a Tiger tank waiting for the Brits to come riding in on their tanks so that they could blast them to Kingdom Come.

My heart pounded through my chest, my mind a roaring tempest of a storm as I thought of all the ways that this situation could go badly. I could do nothing about it though but watch the events unfold before me. Even knowing what would happen could not change anything. Despite what I might have known and remembered, men were still going to die. No matter what.

We all watched with bated breath while Martin took Heffron and made his way toward the Brits rolling forward on their machines of death. A few minutes later, Martin jumped off the tank with a look of frustration and worry on his face. It made a lump rise in my throat. We all looked at each other as the tanks continued onward, growing closer and closer to the waiting Tiger tank. I shrunk backwards, willing something to stop the deaths that were approaching the men before me. A moment later, the tanks were within the Tiger's shooting range and the Krauts attacked. The second tank in the line exploded in a mass of blood, guts, and heated metal. The debris spread and the sight of it seemed to kick something in all of us into action.

"Fall back!" Bull yelled at the top of his voice. I could hear the creaking of something large and deadly around the corner of that building. And I didn't wait to see what it could be. All of us got to our feet and began to run at full force away from the danger snapping at our heels. It was very real and very terrifying. Scarier than anything I'd ever experienced thus far, simply because we were closer to the danger than every before. The heat rushing towards us in an onslaught of chaos wore the face of death, and that I would not have taken lightly in any circumstance. A moment later, the corner of the building we'd just been hiding behind crumbled with the force of the explosion rocking its foundations. I flew forward into the back of the man in front of me, but it did not deter him. I gathered my wits and continued on despite the sharp pain I could feel radiating through my leg. I closed my eyes to the pain, trying to push everything out of my mind but getting away from this place. Another danger pressed closely to my back as man upon man rushed past me. Machine gun fire split the field and I had to dive to my left to avoid being hit. My legs flew beneath me faster than I could have ever imagined and soon I found myself in the confines of a bombed-out house. I looked around in wonder at the dust falling continuously from the numerous holes in the roof. Then, I heard a sound. As if someone else might have been in the house moving toward me. I twisted around, crying out as my leg collapsed with the force of my weight on it. For the first time, I saw the blood soaking through the left leg of my pants. I didn't have enough time to fully access the damage before a man of a large and imposing figure appeared in the doorway to my left. I stared up at him, fear coursing through my veins like poison. I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat but before I could do anything to defend myself, the man was on top of me. His fist collided with the side of my head. After that, all I knew was the sweet bliss of unconsciousness.

**Thanks so much to everyone who's been reading, adding this story to their favorites, and adding it to alerts. I can't explain how much that means to me. And a huge thank you to everyone who has been reviewing. Captain ty, Dean's Leather Jacket, BrokenAngel1753, EllieMayy, AivieEnchanted, and VendingMachine were the amazing people who reviewed the last chapter. I hope they do so as well this time around because I have a special request for the reviews this week. If anyone can point out the lame joke that I made in this chapter, send it on and I'll give you something extra special in return. Like maybe an advanced screening of the next chapter? Seems reasonable enough. lol Thanks for entertaining my stupidity. :)**

**Disclaimer: As always, no disrespect is meant toward the real men of Easy Company on which this fic is based. I only own my OCs and any original plot you don't recognize already. **


	28. Leave Out All the Rest

_I dreamed I was missing_

_And you were so scared_

_But no one would listen_

_Cause no one else cared_

_After my dreaming, I woke with this fear_

_What am I leaving when I'm done here?_

"_Leave Out All the Rest" by Linkin Park_

**Ron's POV**

_**September 21, 1944**_

_I opened my eyes to darkness. Blood and sweat permeated the air, infecting my lungs as it seeped deeper and deeper into my soul. My hands shook gently as I tried desperately to rid my eyes of the never ending blackness that filled my vision. My heart was pumping hard and fast within my chest. I knew there was something here that I needed, something that I had to save from the clutches of the madness swirling through the thickened air. _

_And then like a light bulb going off in my head, a scream both heart-wrenching and blood-curdling rang through the room. I knew at once who that was. Rebecca. _

_Her name ripped like a strangled sob through my throat, bubbling up inside me in terror. I had to find her. Jumping to my feet, I felt my way through the room. I could hear her crying and knew that if I didn't find her soon, something terrible would happen to her. Another presence entered the room. I could feel it like a spider crawling along my skin and making me shudder with horrific anticipation. Whatever the man had in store for her, it would not be good. Rushing forward, I knocked against a hard, solid warmth. It disappeared as quickly as I'd run across it. Frantically, my heart racing against the confines of my chest, I reached for her again. _

"_R-ron," she whispered. It didn't sound like an acknowledgment. It sounded like a good-bye, a final farewell. My heart broke all over again, hearing that. And with a loud gasp..._

I shot upwards, my body covered in a cold sweat beneath my uniform. I glanced around and seeing that none of my men were near, I heaved a strained sigh. My chest was heaving and my entire body was shaking in fear and trepidation. It felt as if I'd really been there. As if I'd traveled to her in my dreams. I knew that couldn't be possible though. Becca was safe with Easy. Wasn't she?

Doubt and confusion addled my brains and I was left feeling very unsure of myself. I didn't like the feeling. And for a single moment, I hated Rebecca. Hated her for making me let down my walls, hated her for making me fall in love with her, hated her for making me so weak. At the same time, I couldn't help but love her for all those things. I wanted to love her, be with her for the rest of my life. I had never needed something more in my life and I didn't know what I would do if she really wasn't with Easy. If my dream was true...

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat, forcing it down into the deepest caverns of my heart. I couldn't focus on what might be or else I would lose what little sanity I had left. The only way to get answers was to go to Winters. He would set my fears to rest.

I stood up, grabbed my helmet, and walked determinedly toward where I knew my Company Commander had been sleeping last night. There he was leaned up against a tree, his arms folded across his chest and his legs spread out in front of him. I kicked his leg, knowing he'd fall right back to sleep after I woke him up.

"I'm going to talk to Winters," I told him, already half of my body turned away from him. I should have known it wouldn't be that simple. It felt as if somehow getting to Dick and asking him where Becca was was the most important thing right now.

"Who?" he grumbled, yawning as he looked up at me through narrowed eyes. I shook my head, determined to not lose my patience.

"Winters, you know Easy Company," I said. When he looked ready to say something else, I walked off. I didn't care at this point if I got reprimanded later. Something deep in my chest burned with terror, with such unutterable fear that I couldn't breathe around it. Moving faster and faster, I tried to contain my urge to run. Running would lead to panic. Panic would lead to my loss of control. I could not have that. Not when Rebecca needed me. _No, _I corrected myself, _if she needed me_.

I heard Easy before I saw them. I could hear the low grumbling of men talking amongst themselves, the scratching of fabric against fabric as they stood up and stretched. I surged forward, my fear escalating to dangerous proportions. My entire body was frantic with worry. I could feel the whole of Easy watching me with wary eyes. Good to know that I didn't just terrify the men in Dog.

"Ron?" a quiet voice called behind me. Turning sharply on my heel, I saw Winters and Nixon standing a few feet away from me. Something in the way Dick was looking at me...I shuddered with terror. I couldn't contain my pain and my fear. My face fell, my soul trembled with it, my mind became a chaotic swirl of thoughts unanswered and unutterable. I walked forward, my knees threatening to give out beneath me. Every thing I'd worked for thus far had led me to this moment. I knew this moment would make me or break me in every sense of the expression.

"Where is she?" I whispered. My blood rose to a deafening clamor in my ears until I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the very worst. Dick and Nixon shot each other a look. It was filled with so much. Anger boiled within my blood.

"Don't look at each other, Goddammit! Look at me and tell me where she is!" I shouted. I had ceased to become a soldier, a Screaming Eagle. I had become a man so torn and weak that I didn't feel like myself anymore. My fate hung in the balance as I hung onto the last shreds of my own sanity. Dick's eyes avoided mine while his hand made its way to my shoulder. He squeezed there, providing enough pressure that I came back to myself. Like a cord snapping back into place, I straightened up and was able to look him full-on again. The pain, the fury, and the horror were still there. But I could control my face now to ensure that no one knew just how much this was affecting me. I didn't even know why I was still standing here. I knew my deepest fear had been realized. I knew she wasn't here with them. It was the only way to explain why they were looking at me like that.

"She's been gone since we took Nuenen. We haven't heard anything," Dick said quietly. My world reeled and finally came entirely off its axis. _Three days? _How could she have been gone for three whole days without me knowing? This time, I felt my soul shatter and I did nothing to stop it. I stared off into the distance trying to see what was not there. She was gone, and there was nothing that I could do. I was not Lieutenant Speirs. I was not Sparky. I was a man. Broken and beaten. I slowly became aware of the gentle voice cajoling me out of my stupor.

_Ron, please don't give up. Not because of me. You have to stay strong. Stay strong for me. _Her words drifted through my mind and ignited something within me. We had a connection, no matter how crazy the idea sounded even to me. As long as I could still hear her and dream about her, I knew there was still hope. Of getting her back and holding her in my arms once again. All at once, I came back to myself once again. My sorrow quickly turned into anger. Did they believe, whoever they were, that this deed would go unpunished? Dick was standing in front of me, his hands firmly on my shoulders and his expression one of abject worry. I looked up at him and felt my face slide into the indifferent mask I'd known for so long. His icy blue eyes flickered once with something that I couldn't identify. Before I could see what it was, he took a step away from me, obviously satisfied that I could stand on my own two feet again.

"What's being done about it?" I demanded. Heat covered my body in a thick layer. I held onto that heat, that passionate anger, in order to block out the sorrow. All I could think about was the look on her face as she told me she loved me. All I could think about was the fact that I hadn't kissed her since England, since she'd first told me she loved me. I had a right to be angry, a right to wonder when I would next press my lips to hers and hold her in my arms. The sorrow pressed down on my temples and I focused all my energy on keeping it off my face. I couldn't break down. Not now.

"We can't do much of anything. But Sink's put out an order that all the intelligence teams in the 101st keep an ear out for anything that might lead us to her.

"So, that's it then?" I asked them, my eyes darting dangerously from one man to the other. I could see them both freeze under the scrutiny of my gaze. How could they stand there and tell me that next to nothing was being done about finding her, "I mean, fucking Christ, how long did it take for you all to even realize that she was gone? You didn't send out search parties? All you did was call up Sink and tell him to fucking keep an ear out for her?"

"Ron, calm down," Dick said, striding forward and reaching out for me with a concerned look on his face. I shook my head, my anger pulsing wildly just beneath my skin, "We can't just allocate resources for finding one soldier." I froze, my entire body rigid with fury.

"She's not a soldier, Dick. She's a woman in case you haven't noticed. Who knows what the Krauts have done with her to get information from her," I said, my voice trailing off quietly. I couldn't think about her being violated and abused. Alone and terrified of what they would use to punish her next every second of every day she spent in their hands. Running my hand roughly through my hair, I turned away from them and started back toward my section of the line. My hands were trembling in my rage, begging for anyone to step in front of me and try my patience. Just when I let out an exasperated sigh, a familiar figure appeared in my line of vision. I glared at him, seeing the stubble and the black circles under his eyes obviously from lack of getting any sleep. The bastard had known all along and hadn't done anything about it. Then again, what could a Sergeant do to convince his superiors that they weren't doing enough to find her?

_No, _said a small voice inside his head, _he doesn't care enough to look for her. He doesn't care enough to go against his superiors and try to find her. _I growled at the voice, anger pulsing through me anew. I strode forward and shoved him hard in the shoulder to get him out of my way. I felt the voice smile in satisfaction somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind.

"I'm guessing he told you then? That would explain why you're so pissed off," he called out, freezing me in place and causing me to turn around to give him a blank stare. I walked back toward him and noticed for the first time that I was taller than him. Taller by nearly more than a foot. I glared down at him, trying to show nothing but the fury on my face.

"Oh I'm more than pissed off, I'm downright furious," I told him, my voice a low rumble in my throat, "At you, at the God damned Krauts, at myself. Couldn't you keep an eye on her for five seconds? This never would have happened if you'd just done that." Unlike the other men, Sergeant Guarnere didn't back down. He glared up at me, just as angry and worried as I was. I could see it written in the lines of his face. He'd been stewing over this for three days. I'd only just found out.

Guarnere scoffed, rolling his eyes and chuckling bitterly, "Unlike you, I don't think she should be watched every minute of her life. She's a grown woman, she can take care of herself. Why you even care is beyond me. Aren't you engaged? What the hell are ya doin' still chasing Becca? All you're doing is hurting her. Why don't you do us all a favor and stay away from her when we get her back." I stared down at him, unable to plant my thoughts on one single focus. I could feel the shift. This had become less about blaming one another and more about a test of wills. It was only a matter of time before it came to this. We both loved the same woman and I didn't know about him, but I was ready to fight to the death to win her over. I knew, somewhere in the depths of my heart, that I was supposed to be with her. Why else would I have had those dreams before I'd even known who she was? She'd had the dreams too, which seemed to prove my point. But still, I had my doubts. If I didn't do something quickly, she would be swept away from me and I would lose all chances of getting her back. Even if I wasn't ready to admit it to her, I loved her more than anything else in the world. More than that I needed her. I didn't deserve her. I'd seen more horrors in my life than she could imagine. I'd done worse things than she could understand. But I was selfish and being with her took the sting away, made me feel like I could be someone else.

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" I asked him, my voice so cold that I felt myself shiver, "Or have you forgotten that she loves me?" That struck something in him. His dark eyes shifted dangerously and I knew that what he was about to say would change everything.

"I already know how she feels about you, Speirs. She loves me too. She told me so and if ya think that I'm just going to give her up without a fight, you're crazier than I thought you were.

"You can't deny that I'm better for her anyway. I'm just waiting for the day when she realizes that," he concluded. I felt a cold shudder wound its way down my spine as I watched him walk away. He was right. He was better for her. He didn't have a fiancee waiting for him in England. He didn't run away from her when she needed him most.

All these thoughts ran in quick succession through my brain. I thought about them for several minutes, wondering desperately what I could do to change her mind. What I could do to be better for her. I couldn't lose her to Bill Guarnere, I wouldn't. I would just have to try harder. First how could I find her again?

**Becca's POV**

_**September 23, 1944**_

The sharp crack of a whip resounded in the air, filling me with the utmost fear. I opened my eyes, and was greeted immediately by darkness. I could feel the cold air biting at my bare skin. Letting out a small whimper, I noticed that my arms were strained above my head, caught in the claws of ropes that were rubbing my wrists raw. The blood flowed freely down my arm. I could feel its warm, flowing descent as it became lost in my black hair. Even as the despair loomed above me, I knew that I had to get out of here. I strained my eyes, trying to catch even the faintest glimmer of light so that I could see. And then I felt it. The brush of someone's skin against my own. When their fingertips trailed along the outline of my hip, I realized that I wasn't wearing any clothes. Tears suddenly sprang to my eyes, taking the hope of seeing in this darkened room with them. All at once, the memories came rushing back. Of where I was and who I was with.

_For the first time, I saw the blood soaking through my pant leg. I didn't have enough time to fully access the damage before a man of a large and imposing figure appeared in the doorway to my left. I stared up at him, fear coursing through my veins like poison. I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat but before I could do anything to defend myself, the man was on top of me. His fist collided with the side of my head._

_Then leering faces were peering up at me. _

_Then, fingers were trapping my wrists above my head as they tied me to the beams of the roof. _

_Now hands roaming the virginal planes of my body as I writhed above them in fear as wild and untameable as the seas. _

"Please!" I screamed, closing my mind to the horrors that I had endured thus far. How could I have forgotten those memories even for a moment? Fear seized me when I heard a dark chuckle resound through the room. The sound was all around me. It made a chill run down my spine and the depths of my soul shuddered with the thoughts of what this man might do to me.

How I wished things could have turned out differently. I would never see Bill again, never see any of the men that had become my family in the span of less than a year. I would never see Ron again. Sobs shook my shoulders at that thought. It grew to be too much. The pain of losing him. It seared through my chest and made breathing difficult.

"Ron, oh God," I whimpered into the abyss of the room. I didn't care that the other man would hear it. I didn't care about anything anymore. My entire life was over. My reason for living was gone and all I could do was succumb to the madness within my soul and the confines of my prison. I heard the dark chuckle again. It was closer this time and I could feel the danger permeating off of him as I moved ever closer. His hot breath made a slithering trail from the back of my neck to the middle of my back. The whip fell, unnoticed at the man's feet as his hands made quick work of what little modesty and dignity I had left. His fingers snaked around my sides, cupping my breasts and pressing his obvious erection to my thigh.

"You like this," he whispered, his German accent obvious in the silence descending around us. With my sharp intake of breath, he was encouraged. Further down his searching hands memorized the contours of my body. My horror and shame threatened to consume me. Anger quickly followed. This was not his place. I would not give him what he wanted. Not in a million years and as the fury warred within me for control, I kicked my foot back and came in contact with his groin. He fell backwards immediately, his groan of pain filling my ears and making me smile with satisfaction. Maybe he'd realize that I wasn't going to let him break me without a fight. I couldn't do that, not if I had a hope in the world to get back to Easy and Ron.

"You stupid American bitch," came a labored voice behind me. My heart froze and my breath hitched in my throat. What good was showing him that I was still strong enough to fight him if I was tied up? I felt his hands again on me. This time, about my legs. He forced all his weight on me, pulling me body and straining my arms against my binds. I cried out in sheer pain.

"Stop, please!" I shouted, hoping that someone somewhere would hear me and would help me. It was a vain hope because the man continued to pull himself to his feet with my body. He pulled my head backwards and as light slipped into the room, I saw his face. His eyes were wide, looking down at me with a madness I had never known. He had dark blue eyes and ashy-blond hair. The perfect Aryan, the enemy that we all hated and feared. His teeth were bared in a feral grin that sent my heart into overdrive. He was handsome and if I hadn't known what he was capable of, he would be a heart-stopper. As it was, he was the most hideous man I'd ever laid eyes on. Because of what he had already down to me. Because of the crimes he had yet to commit.

"You will pay for this, you stupid girl," he muttered in my ear, throwing my head forwards and listening to the threatening _swish _of the whip as he picked it up from the floor. I heard a sickening crunch in my shoulder and had only a moment to wonder what it was before he brought the whip relentlessly onto the bare skin of my back. It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. The pain was enormous and I was consumed by it at once. My muscles taut and throbbing from the unexpected blow, I tried to slow my racing heart. It was beating so fast. My eyes slipped closed as I heard the next crack. A loud, terrified, helpless screech filled the room and I realized that it was me. With the next crack, I screamed again. I felt the blood flowing down my legs from the wounds on my back. The cold air hit them and made tears spring to my eyes. What had I done to deserve this? What could I do to get out of it?

"Are you ready to give in now?" the man asked me. I could feel him, poised and waiting to take action as he awaited my answer. I couldn't speak. My heart was beating so fast, the life spilled from my open wounds and made me feel as if I really was dying. It didn't matter any more what he did to me. I would die here and so I remained silent. It was not just his laughter that greeted me in the next moment.

"She is not ready to cooperate."

"Then, we must teach her a lesson. One she will never forget," said the man at my back. He brought the whip on my back once more, this time succeeding in rendering me unconscious.

**_September 30, 1944_ **

They didn't think I was awake, but I was. And listening to every word that fell from their wicked lips. I lay in a crumbled heap on the ground. I couldn't describe just how filthy I felt. Blood, dirt, and who knew what else covered me from head to foot. I knew for sure that the cuts all along my body from the whip as well as the knifes they'd used on me were infected. My entire body throbbed with pain whenever I moved. I couldn't scream for help either. My voice had vanished from all the screaming I'd done in the past few days.

"Yeah well, I hear we are moving out in a few days."

"Where do you think we're going?"

"Our Commander said something about Nijmejen. Those damned Americans are pushing us deeper into Holland and he is almost certain that they are not crazy enough to cross the river there to come and attack us," the first soldier said. At his statement, the other man quickly converted to using German. The words were punctuated by a furious indignation which I couldn't begin to understand. My head was throbbing. I tried to shift my body to get more comfortable but I felt the sickening crunch of a boot coming in contact with my back.

"Did you really think you could listen to my soldiers talk without me knowing what you were doing?" His voice floated down to me. A sadistic reminder of where I was and at whose mercy I was. The breath was knocked out of me and my back arched in pain. My heart jolted against the confines of my chest, making me sure that I was not going to enjoy what he had in store for me next.

His fingers snaked inside the matted tangle of my lengthening hair, jerking my face backwards so that he could glare down at me. His yellowed teeth glittered in the dim lights. I imagined what he could do with those teeth, what he'd already done to me. I could feel the trail his mouth had made on my skin. From the outline of my jaw down to the insides of my thighs. He'd never put his mouth to my core, telling me that he would save that pleasure for when I asked him for it. His hot breath blowing against my bare skin drew my focus back to him. I looked up at him, fear coursing through every vein in my body. I knew that it was only a matter of time before he did something so cruel, so brutal that I would not recover. Every time his foot collided with my body, I had to wonder if it was the last time I would feel pain. In a way, I welcomed the pain. It made me sure that I was alive, that my time had not arrived. I knew it was just the beginning of the madness threatening to consume me. And all I could now was accept it and hope that someone would find me soon.

He threw my head back to its original position. My skull hit the ground, cracking slightly and making me cry out in pain. All I could hear were the pathetic, wretched rasps of despair that were nothing but a whisper in the wind. All I knew was that overwhelming sorrow before the darkness swallowed me once again.

**October 3, 1944**

_Ron's arms were wrapped tightly around my waist, holding me to his bare chest. His warmth surrounded me, filling me with a false sense of security and making me smile with happiness. His lips skimmed lightly along my neck and shoulder, leaving a trail of gooseflesh in their wake. I shuddered against him, feeling the oddest sensation overtake me. It was like I'd just been doused with water. I opened my eyes and Ron disappeared into thin air. I searched the room wildly for his familiar shape, but then the sensation came again. _

I awoke, gasping for air and soaking wet. I spluttered, coughing up the water that had slipped down my throat. I shivered from the breeze that swept through the room from the open door. For the first time in nearly two weeks, I could see. My pupils contracted sharply, making me gasp in pain and turn my eyes back toward the darkness that had become my reality. I heard the cold chuckle of the man who'd beaten me so many times before. I couldn't count all the instances, but I could feel every open wound and every festering slice he'd made on my body. I wondered if Ron would want me after this, if Bill would want me after what they had done to me. They hadn't taken that one part of me that I kept so closely-guarded. Giving it to them would be the last straw. I was holding out hope that one day soon, Easy would come and find me. That they would rescue me and take me away from the Germans who had all but broken me completely.

"Wake up, you stupid girl. We are leaving," the man said, his face suddenly appearing beside me. Leering and baring his teeth at me just as he had that first day. I studied him. Fully taking in the shape of his face, the blue eyes and the blond hair. They made him look almost innocent and incapable of the horrors he'd inflicted on me. But I knew what lay under that calm exterior. So, the Aryan features made him look all the more evil and sinister. I shuddered, finding the strength to glare down at him.

"Where are we going?" I asked, my voice no more than a whisper. I'd screamed myself hoarse. My voice had been gone for about a week. Or was it a week and a half? Time passed slowly here. In a circular world determined simply by the rotations of the men both inside and outside the room. I knew that the man before me was on the "morning" shift and the "night" shift. He was the start to my day and he was the ending of it. I despised him for the fact that my entire day revolved around him. It was sickening and I knew that if I'd had the chance, I would kill him.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I caught the motion of his hand flicking. Several things happened at once. He strode forward and grabbed me by the throat. Flipping me over and pushing me to the dirt-covered ground with his hands, he made quick work of straddling my waist and pushing his manhood against my core. I writhed in pain and terror.

"Soon, my American slut. Soon, you will be begging for me to take you. And soon, your wish will come true," he said, leaning forward and pressing his lips roughly to my neck. I shuddered in revulsion, wanting so badly to swing my arms upwards to push him away. I found they could not move. Every time I tried to move them, my shoulder's screamed in agony. They hadn't let me down in two days and it felt like my arms were still paralyzed. The man pushed himself away from me and made another movement with his hand. As if the two men behind him had been waiting, they swept down upon me and hoisted me to my feet.

"Get her dressed. We're moving out in an hour," he said to his men. He stared at me for a moment longer, allowing me to see the full extent of his hatred for me. It drove like a spear through my heart and I could only wonder what horrors lay before me now.

**So I'm not quite sure how everyone will take this chapter. I did rate this story M for a reason, only one of which being the torture scenes in this chapter. So I really hope that no one hates me too terribly for making this happen to Becca. Thank you so much to everyone who has been leaving me reviews. I can't even tell you guys how much it means to me. Captain ty, Dean's Leather Jacket, EllieMayy, Karla with the K, Nemo, BrokenAngel1753, AivieEnchanted, and BloodUponTheRisers are all officially my favorite people right now because they reviewed last chapter. **

**To Karla with the K: You don't even know how much I love you! For reviewing and for leaving such wonderful comments about my story. I really want you to know how greatly appreciated your thoughts were to me. And I'm so deeply flattered that you check the site for my story updates. I hope this chapter made you as happy as the last one. :D**

**To Nemo: Here you go, I hope this satisfied your fanfiction needs too. Thanks so much for leaving a review. It made me smile! :)**

**To BloodUponTheRisers: If I didn't reply to your review, I am SO sorry. I'm in the middle of packing all my stuff up to go to college. And let me tell you, more than a few really important things in the world of FF have been slipping my mind recently. Not the least of which is keeping up with your story. Expect my comments on the last two chapters of your story very soon. :)**

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**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men on which this story is based. I only own my OCs, my sick sense of spicing up my character's lives, and the original plot for this fic. **


	29. Airplanes

_Can we pretend that airplanes_

_In the night sky are like shooting stars_

_I could really use a wish right now_

_Right now, right now_

_I could really use a dream or a genie or a wish_

_To go back to a place much simpler than this_

"_Airplanes" by BOB and Haley Williams_

**Ron's POV**

**October 9, 1944 **

_I jumped into the water, letting the bitter-cold seep through my clothes and into my soul. I would need this in a few minutes. I knew that once I saw Rebecca and the damage that had been done to her, it would take everything that I had not to find the men who'd done it and slit their throats. So much anger and helplessness had built themselves up within me in the past month. All I wanted was to see her, to feel her alive and breathing in my arms one more time. I had to save her. _

The dream played itself over and over again in my mind, making me see things I rather wished I could forget. But there was something in the air today, something that made such things impossible to forget.

I sat at the desk in my room, staring blankly at the grainy wood beneath my fingers. It was a pattern of dark brown, mahogany, and slivers of gold. Every so often, a black spot would appear. So stark and contrasting to the color around it. The sight of those ebony spots filled my heart with nostalgic want and need. It had been so long. An entire month without seeing her face. Without any hope of ever seeing her face again. I couldn't even remember what she looked like. I knew her eyes were the most beautiful shade of blue, so vivid and electric as the oceans of the Caribbean. Sometimes I could still feel my fingers running through the black waves of her hair. And when I focused just hard enough, I could make out the outline of her pink lips. Her mouth that teased me during the dreams that would not falter in beating at my heart. A pounding at the door had me whipping my head around. My fingers paused in tracing the designs of the desk, my breath hitching at being caught unawares.

"What?" I shouted, trying and failing to keep the anger out of my voice. I could almost feel the hesitance of the man behind the door.

"Sir," they started and I knew at once who it was. Corporal Pierce was a soldier at Battalion. I couldn't imagine what the higher-ups wanted now, "Colonel Sink says he's got something really important to tell you and that you might want to get your ass to Regiment. His words not mine!" He said the last part in a haste as if I might burst through the door at any moment to throttle him. I groaned. If Sink said it was important, it probably was. I just didn't want to come out of this room. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. All weakness and no guts. Sighing heavily, I stood and walked across the room to the door. I opened it, seeing the surprise on Pierce's face when he saw me standing there.

"I'll be out in five minutes," I said, turning around just as quickly and slamming the door closed. Five minutes to pull myself together. Five minutes to push all thoughts of her to the back of my mind.

Walking into Sink's office, I was surprised to find Sink already talking to Captain Nixon and Captain Winters. I looked between the two men, seeing the sheepish almost guilty looks on their expressions.

"What's going on?" I asked, searching their faces for any clue as to why I'd been called here. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sink stand and motion me over.

"Dick and Nixon here have told me that you're very close with Miss Harris," Sink said, a disapproving lilt to his tone even as he tried to hide a smile. My heart jumped at his casual use of her name. Didn't he know how much it pained me to hear it? Didn't he know how much it cost me not to go on a suicide mission to find her?

"What's this all about, Sir?" I asked him. I couldn't keep the anger and hatred out of my voice. I couldn't contain something that threatened to rip me apart every second of every day. How could they stand here, laughing down at me while I suffered so much from her being ripped away with the hands of those filthy Krauts?

"Well, Speirs, Nixon here discovered some interesting news this morning that I thought you might like to hear. We haven't gotten all the kinks out of the intelligence, but apparently the Germans that took Miss Harris are right across the river," Sink said, pausing to let his words soak in. I stared at him, confusion and a shy sliver of hope making its way into my heart. Had we really found her? Was I that much closer to holding her against me again? Would I get a second chance at showing her just how much I loved her?

"Now, we need a plan. If we have any hope of getting her back, then we'll need a team of men. I'm guessing they'll be men from Easy Company, Dick-," Sink began, his blue eyes twinkling as he thought out a course of action.

"I'll go," I said. My voice was full of conviction. If anyone was going to save her, it would be me. A fiery possession took hold of me, filling me with molten hope and courage. I could do this if only Sink would give me a chance. I snapped back to reality, taking in the surprise on each of their faces.

"Ron, I don't think this is a one man job to be honest," Sink said, crossing his arms over his chest and scrutinizing me with every flash of his eyes.

"With all due respect, Colonel, I'll be making my way across that river no matter if I have your permission. If she's really over there, I can't just sit here and let someone else save her. I have to go," I told him, and I meant it. I saw the doubt and confusion clear on his face. I saw it in the lines between his eyebrows and the turn of his mouth. I saw it all there and for a moment, I wondered what was riding me so adamantly. I knew then, as I'd never known before, that I really did love her. There would be no denying it, no pushing the thoughts to the side. Now more than ever I knew that her loving both me and Sergeant Guarnere would hurt me. I knew that if she left me, I couldn't go on. We'd dreamed of each other even though we were worlds apart. How could that be possible unless she was the woman I was meant to spend the rest of my life with? This was my second chance and I wouldn't screw it up. Not again.

"You're a crazy son of a bitch, Speirs. And I think that in this case, that's exactly what we'll need."

**Becca's POV**

**October 9, 1944**

Everything around me was a mixture of silence, of confusion, and chaos. It was difficult keeping my eyes open even as the sounds of the war grew ever closer. I was so tired and I knew that I was close to breaking completely. I couldn't recall the last time I'd eaten. The last time I'd showered. The last time I'd seen _their _faces. It hurt too much to refer to them by name. It made it all the more real that I would never see them again. Hope was fading fast and I just didn't care enough anymore to fight. My eyes slipped closed and all light, all noise, all life vanished from me at once.

_Darkness. Silence following in the wake of the quaking sounds all around me. I tried to open my eyes to no avail. A heavy weight was locked over my eyelids, keeping them sealed shut. All I could do was listen. As though a radio dial was being twisted and turned to find a clear radio station, voices and the clatter of a machine gun slowly filled my ears. I couldn't tell what the voices were shouting but they were moving farther away. Hope filled me again. Maybe this time I could find the strength to pull myself up and drag my leaden body to the door of my prison. But I couldn't lift myself. My muscles were shaking from their lack of nutrition. Helpless and distraught, tears leaked from the corners of my eyes. The droplets slithered along the dirt caked onto my face. I bit my lip to stop from crying out. _

_A moment later, my pulse seized in my chest. I could feel someone standing over me, staring down at me from somewhere above my crumpled heap of a body. _

"_Becca, what have they done to you?" a voice, so soft and sweet, whispered into the darkness. I shuddered, feeling the caress of that voice along the curves of my face. Then I realized that he was stroking my cheek. I wanted so badly to reach out and touch him. If this was what God had given me as my last few waking moments, I wanted to make the most of them. But as before, I was still just as still lying there as I'd ever been. I choked back the sobs bubbling up from my chest. _

_His arms wrapped themselves around my waist and pulled me to his chest. My nose was pressed against the hollow of his neck. I could smell him everywhere. It made me throb with desire even as I sat paralyzed because of the monsters close by. Just as the happiness had swelled within me, fear replaced it. The Germans were close by, waiting in the shadows to pounce. They were always watching, always waiting. I felt my muscles bunch together in worry. Until his lips skimmed along my hair. He planted a quick, reassuring kiss there before leaning away from me. _

"_Don't worry. I've got you," he whispered. I tried to relax. I could trust Ron. I loved him and I knew that he would save me from this Hell on Earth. He would take me back to Easy. And maybe, he saw this as more than just a mission. Maybe he really did love me and that's why he was saving me. _

_A moment later and we were flying. The hair whipped across my face, filling me with a sense of freedom I hadn't known in nearly a month. I breathed in the fresh air, taking it in and hoping that it would repair some of the chipped pieces of my heart and soul. I snuggled in closer to Ron's chest, wanting to feel as much of him pressed against me as possible. Bill's face hovered in the back of my mind like a sharply pointed spear, constantly reminding me that it was there. Waiting for the next time Ron would let me down. I shuddered, my soul filling up with a cold acceptance that someday soon, it would happen. Ron would run back into Britney's arms and leave me all alone as he had before. I couldn't find it in me to care enough to save myself. If I could have walked away, I would have. But I just couldn't. Ron meant the world to me, as stupid and cliche as that sounded. It was the truth, a statement taken straight from my heart. I wouldn't live without him. If he married Britney, I would be ruined for other men. Not even Bill was patient enough to watch a woman pine away at another for years on end. _

_Cold ripped through me anew. But this was more than just the chills running up my spine at the thought of everyone in my life ceasing to love me anymore. This pain was external. My teeth chattered together and beside me, I felt Ron jerk as he struggled to keep us both afloat. I tried desperately to move my arms to help him, but I couldn't. Something was keeping them pinned to my sides. _

"_Almost there, baby," his voice whispered in my ear. His breathing was labored and somewhere amongst the coldness, I could feel something warm seeping through the confines of my jacket and staining my skin. Through it all, a calm such as I had never known claimed me in its embrace. Nothing mattered anymore. I was in his arms, where I'd wanted to be for nearly a month. As those thoughts rushed through my mind, I let the darkness overtake me once again. _

_Soft fingers brushed back the loose strands from my face. _

_Lips placed tender kisses along the side of my neck and my forehead. I grasped the warmth emanating from their body. Smiling hurt the muscles around my mouth, as if it had been too long since I'd used them, but I did it anyway. It felt so good having something to hope for, something to hold onto. And just as suddenly, I could feel them being pulled away. The shouts faded slowly into the distance and the next thing I knew was..._

My eyelids snapped open, the pain rushing in like a wave to wash over my entire body. I shuddered as the memories came back to me too. I wanted nothing more than to forget it, but I knew that I was still in that Hell-hole. Waiting, wishing, hoping for someone to rescue me.

"Becca?" a familiar voice called from beside me. My neck snapped, my eyes searching frantically for the owner of that voice. It was so familiar and I had to wonder if they'd finally driven me mad. If I was hearing voices, then surely I had to be. But there he sat in a chair at the head of my bed. The circles under his eyes were noticeable and I had the sudden urge to reach out for him. In amazement, in unrestrained joy.

"Gene!" I managed to whisper, grasping the air for the feel of his skin beneath mine. I had to know if he was real or if I was just in another one of my dreams. A look of true concern passed over his pale visage and he leaped from his chair toward me. Laying his hands gently on my shoulders, he pushed me backwards so that I was laying completely still on the bed again. I closed my eyes in reverent awe. My fingers traced the linen sheets shielding my body from the scratchy mattress beneath me. I grinned, opening my eyes again and seeing Gene peering down at me.

"I'm in a bed," I muttered, my voice cracking as the shock of what I'd been through and what I had seen passed. It left me feeling empty, cold, and very much alone. Tears sprang to my eyes and flowed in thin rivulets down my cheeks. Gene bent forward and captured me in a fierce hug. Lifting me carefully from the bed, he wrapped his arms around my waist and supported my weight against his chest.

"Oh, honey, we're so glad to have you back. Everyone's been wanting to see you and Bill woulda been here but he got hurt-," Gene began, but I pulled sharply away from him. Fear coursed through my veins, making me painfully aware of the fact that it had been Ron who'd occupied most of my thoughts on those long nights away from Easy. Not Bill. I closed my eyes, more tears escaping as my sorrow coated the sheets beneath me.

"What happened to him? Is it-Gene please tell me he'll be okay." Gene swept the hair from my face. It had grown a lot in the last month. It was now an inch above my shoulders. I noticed it didn't feel right. For nearly a month, all I'd been able to feel was the accumulation of dirt and grime on my scalp. Ignoring it for now, I turned my focus back on Gene. He was smiling at me and watching me with curiosity painting his features.

"It's not fatal, Becca. He should be back in about two months. And knowing him, it'll be sooner than that. He'd rather go AWOL from the hospital than be assigned to some other unit." I nodded, relief replacing my fears and doubts. If Bill was okay, then I could start to focus on other things. Like exactly how bad my wounds were and how I'd gotten back here.

"So," I started, my hands shifting slightly in my lap, "What's the damage, Doc?" Gene resumed his seat by my bedside but pulled the chair closer so that he was within arm's reach. He seemed to understand that the only way I would be able to believe that I was really here was if I was able to touch him.

"Well, you've been out about two days. You'd lost so much blood by the time Lieutenant Speirs-."

"Ron saved me?" I asked, my eyes growing wide as my heart ceased to beat for a moment in my chest. Could it have been that what I'd thought was a dream actually happened?

"Yeah, he went on a suicide mission to save ya. Now can I get on with what I was sayin'?" Gene asked, humor sparkling in his dark eyes. I waved my hand for him to continue. He sent me a sly grin before clearing his throat.

"Right well, Speirs brought you in and we had to clean you off to assess you properly. There was so much dirt and dried blood on ya, it took me nearly an hour and a half," Gene said, his cheeks tinging slightly under the scrutiny of my gaze, "Don't worry, I protected your modesty." I managed a wheezy chuckle before closing my mouth so that he could continue.

"And you've got a lot of-well it looks like they..." his voice trailed off, making me wonder just what he'd seen that had him closing his mouth.

"What, Gene? What did you see?" He gulped, not able to meet my eyes again.

"It looked like they'd whipped you. The marks are all over your back. And you have cuts from a knife all up and down your thighs and down your sides. I think they burned you a couple of times too on your arms," he said, making sure to say it as quickly as his accent would allow. I watched him, horror gripping my soul, as he peeled back the sleeves of my jacket and showed me what looked to be cigarette burns on each of my arms. My eyes rolled upwards and took in the scabs on each of my wrists. From when they'd hung me in chains and tortured me. I cringed, so many memories bombarding me until I could do nothing but focus on each of them in turn.

_Losing consciousness as the crack of the whip still resounded in my ears. _

_Fingers slipping through the blood trailing along my back and up my thighs, curling slightly at my core. Waiting and watching for some sign that I had no knowledge of. _

Gene's fingers caressing the sides of my face brought me back to myself. I looked up at him, tears brimming in the pools of my eyes. How could I ever face any of them again when I'd let the Germans have their way with me without a fight? I couldn't. Shame and guilt filled me. I turned my head away from him, ignoring the pain shooting up and down the length of my body. I lay down and pulled the sheets up to my chin, trying desperately to keep the despair from gripping me and swallowing me whole. Gene's fingers trailed along the back of my hand.

"I'll be right over here if you need me, honey," he said, his soft Cajun accent lulling me into the deepest sleep I'd known in a long time.

**Ron's POV**

"God damnit!" I shouted. The same clumsy medic had been cleaning and redressing my wounds for the past four days. Not to mention, I hadn't heard or seen hide nor hair of Rebecca since I'd saved her. The thought of her drove away the continuous prodding of the soldier's fingers across my wounds. Gritting my teeth, I let my memories take me away.

She'd looked so awful. It was heartbreaking simply remembering it. The cuts along her face and her arms and legs were nothing compared to the scars I could feel on her back. I didn't have time to identify them. I wasn't sure I'd wanted to anyway. The way she'd laid so limply in my arms almost convinced me that she was dead. That I'd come too late. Then I could feel slight movements. Her nose brushing against the hollow of my throat, her breath blowing lightly against my heated skin, her fingers grasping for me as the doctors and medics took me away from her so I could be treated. I growled, the sound emanating from somewhere deep inside my throat.

How dare they take me away from her! I had to know if she was okay. I had to know if she was going to make it. Seeing her so beaten and down-trodden had woken something within me. It was panicky and desperate, something I had never known except with her. The need to take care of her had taken precedence over everything else, even my own personal safety. And I had the bullet wounds to prove it.

His fingers touched the wound in the middle of my abdomen and I snapped. Roaring with frustration and rage, I looked up at him. He was shaking, I could tell by the jolted movements of his hands and head against the backdrop of the wooden door.

"Get the hell out," I told him, my voice a deadly calm before the storm, "Get me someone in here who can actually do their job without putting me in even more pain." Then, a voice as if from a dream, spoke from the entrance of the room. It made my heart jump into my throat, made my entire body thrum with awareness.

"Would I do?" Becca asked, her blue eyes sparkling in the dim lights of the pale morning. I couldn't help the smirk that overcame my features as I held my hand out to her.

"Yes, I think you would do," I said to her, feeling a rush of exhilaration fight for control over my emotions. I closed my eyes, settling back into the pillows as I felt her get closer and closer to me. She paused a moment. Just out of my reach.

"I'll take it from here," she told the other man. I felt his fear as he rushed past us both, muttering something about the women in this place. Anger rushed through me for but a moment. As her fingers brushed against my forehead, my anger subsided and all I knew was the warmth of her wrapping around me in a tight embrace.

"I missed you so much," she whispered. It was the first time I'd noticed that all she'd done since she'd come here was whisper. I wondered what was wrong with her. I opened my eyes to look into the bright blue waters of her gaze. I smiled, reaching my hand up and smoothing a few loose strands behind her ear. I smiled, trying to memorize the slight lilt of her mouth as she smiled and the freckles that dotted the bridge of her nose and cheekbones. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever known and I had to wonder what she saw in me.

"I missed you too, Becca," I told her. In that moment, I didn't care how ridiculous I sounded. It was time to make that leap, to tell her exactly how I felt about her. But I couldn't. The words died in my throat and I closed my mouth again, shifting my eyes to the floor. She seemed to take that as her cue to continue the work from the last medic. It was perfectly painless. If I wouldn't have seen her, I would have never known she was doing anything to me. A few minutes later, she smiled and squeezed my hand.

"All done. Now, you should probably get some sleep," she said, beginning to turn away. My hand tightened around her own, refusing to let go.

"Becca..." my voice trailed away, leaving an edge of uncertainty in the air. I gulped, seeing the expectant look in her eyes, "I-would you stay with me?" How could she know how much that one request cost me? It was taking everything in me not to snap and push her away again. I was not this man. I never had been. Somehow, things were different with her. She brought out the urges to be romantic, to take care of her as a man should. And asking her to stay with me was about as romantic as I got. I met her gaze, seeing the smile there that she only ever showed me. I could see what happiness it brought her.

"Of course I will," she said. Her small form slid into the bed. I was surprised that it wasn't more of a squeeze. Until she pressed her body against my side. I could feel her rib cage pressing hard and uncomfortably against me. I growled, seeing her this way. So they hadn't just abused her body by beating her. They'd starved her too.

"Ron, please, just for right now don't think about them. I can't-I can't deal with it right now," she whispered, her breath blowing lightly against my neck. I turned my face toward her, our lips barely centimeters apart. I nodded, never taking my eyes off hers. A heartbeat passed us by and still, I could only sit there staring at her. A blush painted her cheeks as she leaned forward. Her hands fell onto my chest and she pressed herself more firmly against my body. Her breasts rested against my arm, driving me insane with their softness, with their fullness. Her lips grazing mine pushed all thoughts from my mind. Except for my intense, almost painful, desire for her. Overtaken by my passion, I moaned into her mouth. Lifting my arm, I held her head by the loose strands at the back of her neck. Grasping them tightly in my fist, I pulled her closer. I devoured her mouth as she allowed me entrance, drinking her in and reveling in the taste that I'd abstained from for so long. My chest heaved with exertion but still I pressed on. She was more than I'd remembered, better than I could have imagined. My love and my need for her bubbled up inside me. I had to pull away now. So that I could tell her these things. She deserved to hear them. She had to know how I felt about her. There was no hesitance now, no doubts of the unknown.

I pulled away, my lips forming the words that I'd only ever dreamed of saying to her, "I love you, Rebecca." She snuggled against me, her lips tracing lazy patterns along the shaft of my neck.

"I love you too, Ron."

**Okay so personally, this is one of my favorite chapters of this fic, which is surprising. Because usually I hate what I've written, but I am proud of this one just because it's all intense and amazing. :) I really hope that someone doesn't leave a review now saying how shitty it was and that I really shouldn't be feeling so proud lol. **

**Anyways, I just wanted to let you all know that my profile is always being updated. If not every day, at least every other day, and if not that often, then once a week. I'm going to be super busy at college, I just know it. So I'm not sure how much will get done on my other fics, but since this one is all finished, then I am going to be keeping it on a regular updating schedule. I hope that makes everyone excited hehe. **

**HUGE thanks to captain ty. She's me fellow author in crime and she's been a phenomenal help with both this story and with the Guarnere/OC I'm writing, which at the moment is at chapter 5. Hopefully by the end of next week I'll have chapter 6 done. Haha. Thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. I can't tell any of you how much I appreciate it. Captain ty, EllieMayy, BrokenAngel1753, BloodUponTheRisers, Nemo, and AivieEnchanted were all kind enough to review for the last chapter and for that I am utterly grateful. So thank you very much! Hopefully, with chapter 30 we will break the 200 review mark. My God I can't even believe that I've gotten this much attention with this story. It's gotta be the Bill/OC/Ron triangle because (correct me if I'm wrong) I don't think anyone has done that before. **

**In reply to Nemo: I hope this was a good chapter for you. :) I can't wait to hear your thoughts on this one. **

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men on which this story is based. The only things I own are my OCs and the original plot for this fic. **


	30. Your Guardian Angel

_Use me as you will_

_Pull my strings just for a thrill_

_And I know I'll be okay_

_Though my skies are turning gray_

_I will never let you fall_

_I'll stand up with you forever_

_I'll be there for you through it all_

_Even if saving you sends me to heaven_

"_Your Guardian Angel" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus_

**Becca's POV**

**October 31, 1944**

Walking along the street, I silently congratulated myself on finding a stash of chocolate bars in the room Dick had set me up in. Suddenly, the smile was gone. Dick's name rang over and over and over again in my mind. A reminder that so many things had changed while I'd been a prisoner to the Germans.

Dick had been promoted to Battalion XO after leading the men in an attack against the Germans at the dike a few weeks ago. Major Horton had been killed. We'd gotten a new CO, although that was one bright spot amidst the dark clouds swirling over my head. Moose was a good man. He knew where we all came from, what we'd been through. He had real potential. No one could replace Dick. Not in my mind. But Moose had a good chance at being a very close runner-up. I shook my head, my thoughts turning to the one thing I wished I could forget.

Bill. He'd been wounded while I was gone too. He'd been riding a motorcycle and had somehow broken his leg. I rolled my eyes, snickering to stop myself from crying. I couldn't help but feel guilty. All the time I'd been gone, he'd been nothing but a shadow in my mind. It had been Ron's face I'd wanted to see. Ron's voice I'd wanted to hear. It was unfair that Bill should suffer while I'd been thinking about another man. I was a horrible person and I knew that before this was all over, it was only going to get worse. I filled my days with tending the wounded. With every look at another man's face, all I could really see was Bill. I wondered if he ever thought about me, if he wished he could be here as much as I wanted him to be here with me again. I prayed and hoped every night that he would just hurry up and come back. I needed him. Before we'd kissed, he'd been my friend. The best friend I'd always wanted and needed. Now he was gone, I didn't feel like myself anymore.

The sound of laughter captured my attention. Forgetting for the moment my own personal problems, I closed my eyes. My heart swelled in my chest and my lips quivered slightly with emotion. I was still getting used to being back. To being able to curl up beside one of the men and feel their protective arms wrap around me. They were all like brothers to me and I hadn't realized how much I'd missed all of them. Rushing forward and poking my head around the corner, I saw a group of them sitting around a worn table playing cards. I rolled my eyes and grinned. If they weren't drinking, they were playing cards.

I hopped inside, walking over to them and flopping down on the chair between Luz and Malarkey. They'd be excited at the prospect of eating chocolate. We hadn't had it in so long. I threw my arms around them, giving the table a mischievous smile.

"Oh, God! What is it now?" Malarkey asked as he turned away to throw an eight down on the pile.

"Any woman who has that smile on her face has got to be up to no good," Cobb said from the other side of the table, puffing on a cigarette and staring despondently at the cards in the middle of the table.

"Yeah, what did Sparky finally get rid of Mrs. V for ya?" Luz asked me. Confusion addled my brains as the rest of the guys started laughing.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I said, glaring at each of them. I had an idea what it might be, but I couldn't be sure until one of them fessed up. Luz rolled his eyes before taking the cigarette out of his mouth. He leaned toward me, his arm snaking around my shoulders.

"Becca, you seriously don't know what Mrs. V stands for?" he asked me, keeping his voice low. Though I knew every one of the guys could hear him. That only served to make me feel even more stupid and ridiculous. I shook my head vehemently, "Well then I guess it hasn't happened yet. So, if Sparky hasn't had sex with you yet, what's got you in such a good mood?" All at once, it clicked. Mrs. V was...

Memories of those long, sleepless nights came back to me. Endless hours of waiting for something that may or may not come. I'd always been terrified of one of the Germans sneaking up on me in the middle of the night and taking what was never theirs. Taking that one piece of me I could still give away of my own free will. I blinked away the tears, the fear, and the doubt. I was not with them anymore. I didn't have to be afraid any longer. Easy would keep me safe.

Choosing instead to make light of the situation, I grabbed Luz's hand and threw them on the table for everyone to see. Laughing at at the astonished look on his face, I patted him on the arm, "Well, George, I would tell you but since you're going to be a pain in my ass...I think I will just neglect to tell you about the box of chocolate bars I found in my room earlier this evening." With that I stood up, leaving the group of men staring after me. I started to walk away, waiting for the impact of my words to hit them.

_1-2-3-_

"Chocolate bars?" they all shouted in unison. I twirled around and smirked at them.

"Yep, but like I said, I didn't think you'd want one now after being so rude to me. Goodnight, boys," I called over my shoulder, reaching in my pocket and pulling out one of the bars and ripping open the wrapper.

"Wait a damn second. I'm sorry!" Luz shouted, running after me and grabbing my arms. It would have been funny except I didn't get the chance to laugh. None of us did. At that moment, Gene ran through the entrance to the building. I could tell immediately that something was wrong. Feeling Luz's hands drop from my body, I raced forward and grabbed Gene's hand.

"Gene, what's happened?" I asked him, my voice sounding hollow and forlorn even to my ears. All the color had drained from his face. That's how I knew that I wasn't going to like whatever he had to tell me. Whoever it was...

"It's Lieutenant Heyliger. Out at the crossroads. He-some replacement shot him. I don't know how bad it is, but I could tell from Captain Winters' voice that it's not good. They're driving up here right now," Gene explained to me, his voice shaking along with his hands. I'd never seen the man like this before. I pulled my eyes away from the pasty color of his skin to look straight into his eyes. What I saw there was enough to make me gasp. He looked so haunted-so shaken. It was as if the weight of all the men we'd treated, all the men we'd lost, was sitting on his shoulders at this moment. I couldn't help but wonder if his breaking point was fast approaching. Knowing that for Moose's sake, we couldn't spare another minute. Grabbing his hand, I gave him a reassuring smile.

"Come on, Gene. All we can think about is the here and now. We can't let the other men we've lost drag us down. Moose needs us. Okay?" I muttered, hoping to God that what I was saying would get through to him. At my words, something seemed to snap to place inside him. His eyes cleared of the gut-wrenching fog and his frown deepened into one of determination instead of horrified nostalgia. His fingers tightened around mine and then he was pulling me along the path toward the aid station. Relief spread through me like a balm for my aching heart and mind. For now, he was alright. We would get through this together.

The aid station loomed up ahead of us. My eyes grew wide with the realization that death was in the air. If something went wrong, if we made one bad move, Moose's life would be over. I felt Gene's fingers flex around my own and knew that he felt it too. Fear coursed through me, setting me alight with determination. We could not let this happen to him. I could see the clear outline of a jeep rushing through the night toward the parked ambulance. Gene let go of my hand as he skidded to a stop beside the jeep. Harry was in the back, holding Moose in a sitting position, holding the bandage to his shoulder. Gene moved forward and I looked for any way to help so that I wasn't in the way. Standing, watching the scene play out with a horrified expression on his face, was a clean-shaven private. I grabbed him by the arm, moving him away from everyone else. I knew that in a situation like this, everyone should be as calm as they could be. This man was not calm. His skin was skimmed with sweat and I could feel him shaking in my grip. I grabbed his hand to make him look at me.

"Hey, it's gonna be alright. He's gonna be okay, buddy," I said softly, all the while trying to make him look at me instead of Moose being laid out along a stretcher. I could dimly hear Gene asking Dick and Harry if they'd given him morphine.

"Yeah, Doc. I can't really remember. Two, three surrets. Maybe," I saw Harry shrug in the dark as he bent to help Gene put Moose on the stretcher. His voice was strained. As if he knew what was coming next.

"Two or three surrets maybe? What the hell were you thinking? Were you trying to get him killed?"

"I think it was two," Harry said, with more conviction in his voice. Gene lifted his head and I saw the anger and worry reflected in every line of his face and the light in his eyes.

"Jesus Christ. You think it might be important for me to know exactly how much morphine the man has had?" he paused to take a look at Moose's body, "Because I don't see one surret on the man's jacket." I could feel the energy in every move he made. I could sense that something was bubbling up inside him. Maybe it was another effect of being nearly past his breaking point. But I think it was more than that. Moose was a good leader and a good man. He was the second leader we'd known since D-Day. Who knew what we would get after this. We needed Moose to live, to survive so that he could come back to us. We needed him more than he would ever know. I could see that worry in Gene's eyes. It ran through me, making me close my eyes for a moment before I opened them again. I looked at the world with clear, inebriated vision. I knew then that everything would be alright. In this moment, it would be okay.

"Sorry, Doc," Dick muttered. I could feel the pain and guilt in his voice too. Even though it had cost him a lot to give up Easy, he'd learned to like Moose as much as the rest of us. They'd become friends. Not as close as him and Nix or even him and Harry. There hadn't been enough time for that. But still, their friendship had promise and it was always a blow to realize that a friend was being taken away from you for whatever the reason.

"Well, it's a good thing he's a big man. He might still stand a chance," Gene said, jumping up into the ambulance after they pushed Moose in through the back. He turned around, waiting for the two men to say something to him.

"He was in a lot of pain, Doc," Harry said. He shook his head as if he was so confused, so lost. My heart broke a little for them, "We didn't know what to do."

"Yeah, well you are officers. You're grown-ups. You should know," he shouted, fury raging within his eyes. He twisted, catching the look on my face before turning and yelling orders at the ambulance crew. Dick shoved the doors closed and rapped on the back, the shape of his hand outlined in blood on the window panes. I swayed. I felt suddenly so sick. The rush of adrenaline that had been coursing through me dissipated. Despair and doubt replaced the feelings of hope in my mind. Rocking forward on my feet, I fell to my knees. Dizzy and nauseous, I became aware of a pair of strong arms closing around my waist. I clung to the front of Dick's jacket, breathing him in and noting that a subtle calm was creeping its way down my throat.

"Tell me he'll be okay," I whispered, staring pleadingly up into Dick's eyes. For a moment I was lost in the icy-blue waters of his irises. Then he smiled down at me and brushed a strand from my face. It was a sad smile, but I took it. He pulled me closer to his chest and turned to Harry to say something.

"Alright, let's get her to her room. Moose'll be alright. I'm sure of it," he said. His voice, so full of conviction, filled me with renewed hope. I had to believe in the power of his words. I just had to believe.

**November 23, 1944**

"Come on, Vest. Please just check for me," I said, batting my eyelashes at the man rushing around behind the counter. He threw up his hands, giving me a sly smirk.

"You just want me to dump all my other duties so that I can check to see if anyone's written to ya? Can't you wait until I deliver 2nd Battalion's mail later?" he asked, exasperated with my request. I could see that he was in a bit of a bind. Packages and letters were littered this way and that way about the make-shift post office.

"Come on, Vest. I never asked you for anything. I'll...I'll help you out tomorrow if you want me to. I can see you're swamped. Please, I haven't heard from the man since September," I said, feeling the slight tremor in my voice as I pleaded. He noticed it and it softened his face immediately. I could only imagine what he was thinking, what he might see on my face that made him look like that at me. I gulped, trying to drown my emotions in the whirlwind of thoughts in my mind. Something about today had me off. Something about it hadn't felt right since I'd woken up. I should know what today was. I felt it in my heart that I should know...

"Alright, dammit!" he muttered, conceding and heading to a stack on the far side of the counter. I assumed that was 2nd Battalion's mail. Deciding that I didn't like the silence that had descended over the small, untidy room, I cleared my throat.

"So, Vest, you know what day it is?" asking the first question that popped into my head. I had to know what day it was. I had to know what this nagging feeling in the back of my mind was trying to tell me.

"Uh, it's the twenty-third of November. All day, Becca," Vest replied, obviously pre-occupied with looking for my mail. A chill ran down my spine.

November 23rd. The 23rd of November.

Tears sprang suddenly to my eyes and I found myself reeling backwards. I had to be alone. I couldn't let anyone see me like this. Desolation and pain made my heart swell and made breathing an impossibility. How could I have forgotten? How could I have let the anniversary of the worst day of my life slip past me?

Rushing past the soldiers milling around in the street, I didn't even notice one in particular calling out for me. All that mattered was getting to the house I was staying and locking myself inside. There I could release the passionate, raging beast within my mind and let it swallow me whole.

**Ron's POV**

Seeing her ebony waves rushing through the droves of soldiers walking down the streets, I couldn't stop the elated feeling in my breast. It had been so long. Too long since we'd last talked. Remembering the feeling of her small, petite body pressed into my side I couldn't stop the way my lungs contracted. My heart began to race and pound within my chest and I found that I wanted-needed-to race after her.

"Becca!" I shouted after her, my feet moving forward before I'd even really consciously acknowledged my intention to follow her. I saw by the gentle shaking of her slender shoulders and the way she held her arms by her side that something was very, very wrong. Dread filled my heart and my mind. And then she'd ducked out of my line of sight. Through the entrance to a building just ahead. My eyes followed the outline of the building and suddenly I knew that was where she was staying. Shoving through the men in my way, I rushed forward. Knowing, subconsciously, that she needed me. That was the only way to explain the sudden panicked, harried feeling residing within me like a living creature. Writhing and twisting my guts into painful oblivion.

Reaching the front doors, I didn't bother knocking. I knew that she wouldn't be in the front hallway. I could sense her, feel her pain and misery even from where I stood. I followed it, let her pain flow through me as I followed her shaky ascent to the second floor of the house. Then I heard a sound that had me nearly falling to my knees.

She was crying. No, it was more than that. She was pouring her heart out to the world. There was such misery, such hopeless despair in the sobs that fell from her perfect lips. My heart beat faster and I knew then that she needed me now more than ever. Some part of me was still doubtful about this. What if I managed to screw up everything that could be between us by entering that bedroom? I couldn't imagine my life without her in it. Nothing mattered. Britney did not matter. Sergeant Guarnere did not matter. There was only me and her in that house. And I held the choice to turn away from everything that I'd wanted for so long. If I walked away now, there would be no turning back. I couldn't explain it, but it was something in the very air I breathed. Something in the way time seemed to have slowed to a complete and utter stand-still while I made my choice.

One minute my mind was a whirlwind of chaos. The next, I was striding forward to push the door open to reveal her slumped over on the floor. She was hugging her knees to her chest and tears were pouring in unstoppable torrents from her eyes. She couldn't seem to catch her breath. She was on the verge of a very dangerous, very slippery precipice. I moved toward her and my arms came around her to pull her into my lap. She was a doll in my hands. Shaping her body quickly to the planes of my own. She threw her arms around me and pressed her wet face to my neck. I held her tightly, my fingers twisting themselves into the short waves on her head.

"Becca, it's alright," I whispered, trying to be reassuring and firm at the same time. I had to make her see that she wasn't alone in this. Whatever _this _was. She would tell me. Sooner or later, but right now I just had to let her know that I was here for her, "You've gotta breathe for me, baby. Breathe." I stroked along her spine, enjoying the way she arched into my touch. The cries of anguish died in her throat to be replaced by a whisper of a moan. My fingers continued their achingly slow descent to the edge of her pants. I paused there, feeling myself grow hard with the thought of what that piece of clothing was hiding. Gulping, my entire frame shaking with desire, I just twisted my fingers to retrace their path up her back. Sure that I wasn't going to try anything, she relaxed against me again. I could feel the watery smile against my skin as she pressed her lips to my bare neck. It was barely a kiss but I felt it nonetheless. She pressed very softly there before leaning away again.

Her bright blue eyes were still filled with tears as she stared up at me. Something behind the oceanic chasms of her irises told me that she had something to say to me. Slightly unsure of myself, I brushed her hair away from her face. Silently telling her that I was here with her, waiting for a sign as to how to help her through this.

Shy, a blush appearing in her pale cheeks, she glanced down once at her hands in her lap before looking back up at me. There was something there in her expression that wasn't there only a few short minutes ago. Determination and a complete disregard for any doubts that she'd had about me. Still, I had to make sure she knew that she wasn't obligated to tell me anything. I'd hurt her badly, and I knew that whatever she needed from me I would do. Even at the expense of hurting myself. I couldn't make her do anything that she didn't want to do.

"Becca, you don't have to-," I began but she put a finger to my lips. She stared wonderingly at me, a slight smile playing about her own mouth.

"I want to tell you, Ron," she said simply before sighing and settling against my chest again. Her heartbeat was pressed firmly against the pounding of my own and I found my eyes slipping closed as her voice once again filled the silence of the room.

"I know this is going to sound crazy. And I wouldn't blame you for running away from me thinking that I needed to be put into a mental hospital, but please just hear me out, okay?" I nodded, my chin bumping gently against the top of her head. She sighed, shifting slightly on my lap before starting again.

"Right, well the day I first dreamt of you was November 23, 2007. That was also the day that my father d-died in a car accident. He'd been driving home after dropping me off at school. I never got the full details. It didn't matter. He was dead and knowing exactly what had happened wouldn't ever change that." She paused, her chest heaving again as memories seemed to take over her. Confusion and bewilderment filled me. How could she possibly be from the year 2007? It didn't make sense at all. But I couldn't help but wonder why she would lie to me.

"Anyway, that's why I'm..." she trailed off, leaving words unsaid between us. I knew it must cost her something to cry in front of me, "It's the three-year anniversary of his death.

"He was-he was my best friend. I talked to him about everything and anything. He was actually a really huge World War Two history buff and he knew a lot about Easy Company so I guess it was sort of perfect that I ended up with them instead of another company," she tried to laugh off her poor excuse for a joke, but it faltered when she caught the look on my face. I could only imagine the expression that must have been staring out at her. It was a lot to take in. After all this time, I'd thought that the dreams were just some glitch somewhere in the process of nature. That it was all just an accident. But what if she'd come back in time _because _of the dreams? If that was the case, it changed everything. Well, not everything. It just made it all the more real. She really was meant to be with me. I knew it then in my heart and in my soul. We were meant to be together and I'd spent all this time wasting our lives together when I should have been soaking in as much of her as I could.

With a feeling of wonder and love coursing through me, I grabbed her face in my hands and bent forward. Passionate resolve shook me to my core as our lips collided. I could feel it in the way her hands wrapped around my neck and buried themselves in my hair. She needed me just as much as I needed her. And if anything, she'd probably realized the truth of our situation long before I had. How long had she known? How long had she been wondering if I would ever realize what was in front of me the whole time?

I should have felt weak, I should have felt ridiculous giving myself so easily to my desire for her. But I didn't. In that moment, all I could feel was her. My hands were everywhere. Sweeping across the soft skin of her neck and down the expanse of her chest as I unbuttoned her jacket. I threw it to the side, her soft moans driving me forward. I felt myself growing harder by the second. And when her fingers bumped against it, I couldn't stop the growl that ripped through my chest. I grabbed her wrist and sent her a strained smile.

"If you do that, I won't last. You can't know what you do to me, Becca," I muttered. Her soft whimper resounded in my ear and I was hit suddenly with a blast of something I could not name. I looked down at her, seeing the drying tears stains on her face. I had to wonder if this was the right thing to do right now. Did I want her to be with me out of a purely basic need for physical comfort? I shifted and her eyes flashed with something that made me lean forward and capture her swollen lips again.

Pure and unadulterated lust shown in her eyes. I knew then that she was seeing me and not the ghosts of her past. She wasn't seeing _him _either.

"Ron. Bed. Please," she moaned against my mouth. I chuckled, the sound vibrating through me and making the ache in my chest lessen.

"Your wish is my command," I muttered huskily in her ear. I felt the joy of her shuddering against me before I stood up and took her to the bed. I set her down and enjoyed the way she looked sitting there writhing beneath the intensity of my gaze. She blushed and I wondered how she could still do that with everything we'd been through thus far. She looked like a virgin sitting there in the pale light streaming in through the windows. So innocent, so pure. Anger coursed through me at the knowledge that I hadn't been the one to take her virginity. Gritting my teeth as I closed my eyes, I tried to reel in this unhinging fury. She was with me now and that was all that mattered.

Her hand wound around mine and pulled me to the bed, making all my anger disappear. I kept my eyes closed and just felt her. She was all around me. Her soft thighs brushing against mine while she undid the buttons on my jacket. She pushed it from my shoulders and stroked her fingertips down my chest. I shuddered with anticipation. Her hands at last made their way to the edge of my t-shirt. Lifting it over my head, I could feel the gasp she let out blow across my cheeks. I couldn't keep my eyes closed anymore. She was making it an impossibility. She was smiling at me, still blushing. I leaned forward, pushing her further onto the bed before taking her shirt in my hands. Her hands suddenly on mine and the fear I saw in her eyes suddenly had me rethinking this decision. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe she wasn't as healed as I'd believed her to be.

**Becca's POV**

When his fingers tightened around the edge of my t-shirt, I felt panicked. What if he saw the scars, the reminders of what they'd done to me and didn't want me anymore? What if he was so disgusted by the sight of me that he left me? Wanting and alone. I knew that I couldn't stand it. If he left now, I'd be destroyed. Something about this moment felt so important. It was in the air, it was in the way our bodies melded together. And it was in the way he was looking at me. A mixture of confusion and deflation passed over his face before he started to pull away.

"This was a mistake," he whispered. It was so soft that I could have imagined it. But still I lunged forward and grabbed his arm.

"Wait! I just..." my voice trailed away when he turned to look at me again. There was a sad smile on his face that I didn't understand. He cupped my cheeks in his hands.

"Baby, if you-if you need more time, I understand. It'll be hard staying away from you, but I can do it if that's what you need," he muttered, placing his forehead against mine. Understanding coursed through me. I pulled back enough to place a tender kiss on his lips.

"I'm just terrified of what you'll think of me once you pull my shirt off," I muttered. A weight seemed to lift off my shoulders. I couldn't believe that telling someone so personal would be so freeing. It felt nice and I knew then that he would understand. He wouldn't pull away from me now.

"Becca," he whispered. The sound of my name coming from his lips had me pulling away from him so that I could slip the shirt over my head. His eyes roved over the cigarette burns, over the knife wounds, and finally his hands discovered the whip marks scabbed against the skin of my back. Gene had told me that I would have those scars for the rest of my life. I closed my eyes as Ron's fingers undid my bra and threw it to the side. There we were chest to bare chest and it made me moan softly. He pushed me back into the pillows, looking down at me with a sly smile.

"You're beautiful," he told me. His voice was so full of conviction and love that I had no choice but to believe him. I felt so small then laying down beneath him. Memories of a not-so-distant situation just like this flashed before my eyes. But it seemed so inconsequential then as Ron began to take off his pants. It faded to the back of my mind, nothing but a tangent of my imagination. His boxers followed shortly after and I had but a moment to appreciate the sight of him completely bare before he reached forward and did away with my pants and underwear too. He leaned forward, capturing my lips in a fiery kiss and moving slowly up my body so that he was poised before my entrance. He couldn't see the doubt that flitted for a second over my face. I'd heard stories. That it hurt the first time. But if they did it just right, then there didn't have to be much pain.

His lips stole away my breath. He moved in an achingly slow path up to my ear. Laying a light kiss there, he whispered, "I know this is going to be brutal, but it's not like you haven't done this before." Then he pushed inside me. Harsh and intruding. I cried out, but not in pleasure, as he reached and broke through the proof of my virginity. I gripped his shoulders, trying to grasp anything to get rid of the pain suddenly filling me from head to foot.

"Ron," I gasped, my chest heaving and sweat suddenly coating my brow.

"Becca, I thought-I thought you and Guarnere..." his voice trailed away as he kissed me fiercely. The passion and desire flowing between his lips and mine took away the pain for a few minutes. He poured himself into that kiss, trying to convey how sorry he was and how much he wanted to make it up to me. I pulled away first, staring up into his eyes that were now filled with regret and guilt.

"It's okay, Ron. You didn't know. It's not as bad now. Why don't you..." I blushed, giggling breathlessly. He seemed to understand though as he moved gently inside me. I wondered at the fact that he filled me so completely. I also became aware of the fact that he didn't have a condom on. But all my worries were brushed away as we found a rhythm together. Moving my hips against his, the friction we created soon had me panting for breath and clutching the sheets beneath me in anticipation.

I could feel something building within me. It was writhing, fiercely and relentlessly coaxing the fire in the pit of my stomach. I moaned, clutching Ron and kissed along the shaft of his neck and the tops of his chest. Next time I made it a point to outline every curve of his body, finding exactly what made him tick.

"Becca, I can't hold on much longer," Ron admitted, riding me now with wild abandon. Trying to get us both to the end at just the same moment. I closed my eyes but opened them when he growled, "Open your eyes. I want to see you when you come." Something about the way he said that had me shuddering with pleasure. He'd never really ordered me around, but I found that I liked it in this case. I stared up at him, feeling him growing harder inside me even as he looked down at me. Just before we both caved into the pressure inside us, he hit the sweetest spot. It drove me over the brink, my cries of ecstasy filling the small room. A moment later, I felt his seed spill inside me. He rode out the waves coursing through us, finding that spot again that promised us such pleasure as we'd never known before. Panic filled me when I realized that I could get pregnant. But then he pulled out of me and wrapped me up in his embrace. Laying there against his heaving chest, I couldn't help but feel that I wouldn't mind if I got pregnant with his child.

"I hope that made up for-for the way I took you. I'm so sorry," he muttered. His words were drowsy and lazy against the hair on my head. I giggled, laying a gentle kiss on his chest before settling more firmly against him.

"I think you more than made up for it," I told him. My eyes slipped close, physical exhaustion wiping my mind clean of anything but the need for sleep. The last thing I remembered before succumbing to the gentle lull of my dreams, was my voice whispering, "I love you," into the air between our bodies.

**Very important chapter and I believe that someone a lot of my reviewers have been missing is going to reappear in chapter 31. :) Thanks so much to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. Including...Dean's Leather Jacket, captain ty, AivieEnchanted, BloodUponTheRisers, Nemo, BrokenAngel1753, EllieMayy, and VendingMachine. As always, a huge thank you to captain ty because she was awesome and helped me out with this entire story SO MUCH! **

**Now onto to the most exciting part of this A/N. I am TWO whole reviews away from being at 200 reviews, so I'm going to be sending whoever gets that 200th review the chapter early. So good luck with that and if you do become that lucky person, I will post it on my profile so that if you don't have an account here, you will still know that you won. You can check out my profile for story updates, info about me, etc. **

**Nemo: I'm really glad that you liked that last chapter. I hope this one was just as good. **

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men on which this story is based. I only own my OCs and the original plot for this fic. **


	31. Settle For a Slowdown

_But your wheels just turn_

_Down the road ahead_

_If it hurts at all you ain't shown it yet_

_I keep on looking for the slightest sign_

_That you might miss_

_What you left behind_

_I know there's nothing stopping you know_

_But I'd settle for a slow down_

"_Settle for a Slow Down" by Dierks Bentley_

**Becca's POV**

I opened my eyes to the sight of the pale, cold morning light streaming in through the windows. The white rays fell on the expanse of Ron's body peaking out from under the covers. His back was to me and I could watch the ripple of his muscles as he breathed. I smiled, knowing that at last I could be happy. I could imagine myself waking up every morning to this very sight. And yet, my joy was not meant to last very long.

Doubt filled me at once when he turned over in his sleep to face me. The curve of his strong jaw, his full pink lips, his hair falling over his eyelids. I had to wonder what he could possibly see in me. I was so plain while he looked the part of a God. I'd been stupid and naïve to believe that telling him how I felt would make him want to stay with me. Why do that when he had a bombshell like Britney waiting for him back in England?

My head was reeling by the time my thoughts found Bill. He was everything I could have asked for in a man. Kind, gentle, patient, funny, and he loved me. Above all the emotional turmoil he'd suffered because of me, he still loved me and was willing to help get me past my obsession for Ron. And here I was. Betraying Bill in every sense of the word with the devil himself. Tears fought for an appearance in the swells of my irises. I fought them, my shoulders shaking with emotions.

Nearly beside myself, I scrambled off the side of the bed and gathered the clothing that had accumulated on the floor. I didn't bother being as quiet as I could be. I had to get out of here. Bill's face was flashing before my eyes every few seconds, sending daggers straight through to my heart. I'd never known such pain. It was so intense, so deep within me that I knew I would never forget the memory. How could I be so hypocritical to the one man who'd loved me when it seemed like everyone else had abandoned me? How could I have dealt him such a low blow? And he wasn't even here to defend himself.

Yet still another part of me. The one which had already given itself over to Ron mind, body, and soul would not give in so easily.

_You are supposed to be with Ron. He was the man you dreamt of while the Germans still had you. He was the man you'd been dreaming about the day of your father's death._

With the mention of my father's name came a new round of fresh guilt. I'd been mourning him last night. Being in this place, the time he had loved so much...It was all too real and it brought again the sharp pain that had come with his accidental death. Why couldn't life be simple for me just once? Why couldn't I just forget everything for just a few hours without feeling guilty, angry, or sad?

I was tired of it. So tired of it. And I was sick of making excuses not to be with who I really wanted. I loved Bill. I truly did. But I knew, as I would always know, that loving him would never be enough. He deserved so much better than me. Bill deserved a woman who would love him and only him for the rest of their lives together. It was almost as if a lightbulb went off in my head. Bill would understand, in time, if I told him that I didn't want to lead him on anymore. That we'd had a chance if Ron hadn't been there. Somewhere in my heart I knew, or at least I wanted to believe, that Bill would take it in stride. It would hurt. I had no disillusions about that. In the end, though, he would go home and marry someone better than me.

So, with that thought, I turned around. Completely ready to crawl back into bed and into the safety of Ron's arms. When I saw him standing right behind me, I nearly screamed. My hand went immediately to my throat. My pulse beat an unsteady rhythm against my palm, showing just how much he'd frightened me. I swallowed hard past the lump in my throat, my hand sliding slowly back to its place at my side.

"Ron, you scared me," I muttered, staring up into his eyes with fear and anticipation. The memories of last night shot through me with the force of an electric current. Liquid heat pooled through my veins and my heartbeat was suddenly thundering inside my ear drums. As I looked up at him, his dark eyes morphed. He took in my appearance and seemed to deduce that I'd been sneaking out on him. Fear-the cold kind that sent shivers down my spine-gripped me in its bitter embrace. His expression became indiscernible. He shut himself away from me even as I reached forward and cupped his cheek.

"Ron, I-I..." my voice trailed away, leaving a path of uncertainty in its wake. The air between us became thick and heavy with the terrifying realization that what I'd done was unforgivable. Last night had been beautiful and here I was trying to sneak out before he awoke.

His hand came up to snake around my wrist. His fingers twisted around its small frame. Constricting until there was no friction flowing through the veins and arteries. With murder in his eyes, he backed us up until my back hit the wall. It was far from exciting. It was painful seeing him looking at me like that. I knew then that he hated me in that moment. I was going to leave him. After he'd admitted his feelings to me.

"So, what you were just planning on leaving? Were you going back to him? You sleep with me and run back to _him_, is that it?" his voice rang in my ears as he shouted at me. I looked up at him, something inside me beginning to slide into place. Yes I had been about to leave him. But I'd changed my mind. I'd been intent on coming back, which was a lot more than I could say for him. He'd been the one all those months who'd led me on only to run back to Britney.

"Oh, you're one to talk," I said, my own voice rising in anger above the tremor of my breaking soul, "If I recall, _you _were the one always leaving _me_ before. I think I've earned the right to have a bit of doubt if what you told me last night was true." My chest was heaving, my blood boiling in my veins. How could he be so hypocritical? I saw something flicker in his eyes. Something dangerous and frightening. The adrenaline in my system kept me from being afraid of him. I would never get anywhere with him if he wouldn't try to see that I wasn't going anywhere. If he kept up this charade that he could come and go as he pleased-well, then it wouldn't work between us.

"I guess that's settled then," he said, fury encasing each syllable. He threw me away from him suddenly and viciously. My back hit the wall. I couldn't help the whimper of pain that bubbled forth from my lips. I pushed the pain aside, walked after him and grabbed his arm.

"You're not getting my point, dammit! You're the one always running away from me, Ron. I was coming back. Why the hell do you think I turned around? I love you. I've always known that. That's why I can't be with Bill. Not when there's still a chance that you'll be with me," I explained to him, desperately trying to make things right before we both said something we'd regret. That's when I saw it. Something he'd been hiding because he was avoiding my eyes. I saw the raw hatred in his near-black irises. My whole world tilted on its axis as he spoke the words I'd been afraid of since the start.

"I guess you should have realized from the beginning that all you were was a good piece of ass. Now that I've gotten what I wanted from you, there's no reason for me to lie to you anymore," he said, his voice so quiet that the words would have sounded insincere. But the look in his expression and the stance of his body told me everything I needed to know. What he said was true and I'd fallen in love with a man who didn't want anything to do with me. I'd been a quick fling, a one-night stand. A break from Britney just like I'd always feared. I gulped, trying to stave off the tears that were pooling in my eyes. I sniffed, frozen in place by the sheer intensity of his gaze. He could look me in the face now, after he'd admitted to everything.

"I guess we don't have anything else to stay to each other then," I said, my voice colder than I'd ever known it to be. It sent a shiver down my spine. I could feel myself cracking though even as I turned around. I grabbed my boots off the ground and opened the door with my free hand. I didn't look back as I left him standing there in the middle of that cold, empty room. I knew that if I looked back, I would break completely right then and there.

Not yet. I repeated those two words like a mantra inside my head. One foot in front of the other. I walked further and further away, my heart shattering over and over again. Finally, it got to be too much. Sinking to the ground, I let out a shuddering gasp before the floodgates opened and my tears rained down on the dusty road beneath me. I hugged my knees to my chest, unaware of who might be watching. I didn't care. All that mattered was that I'd ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me. And I had no idea how to get it back.

I don't know how long I sat there. Rocking back and forth, trying to ease the pain in my chest. I was only half-aware when a pair of arms encircled themselves around me and hoisted me into a standing position.

"It's alright, Becca. I got ya now," a voice whispered. The accent was so familiar. And through my blurry tears, I could faintly discern the flame of red hair floating somewhere above me before I succumbed to the blackness encroaching on the edges of my sight.

**November 25, 1944**

I wondered how long I'd been sleeping when I finally awoke. My back was faced toward the wall and an arm was thrown around my waist. At first, panic seized me. And then I recalled being picked up by a man with flaming red hair and a kind voice. I knew all too well why they'd had to pick me up and take me to their room. Ron's name floated past my lips in a strangled whisper. I wanted to go find him so badly, but I knew he wouldn't want to see me. I'd only be hurting myself if I forced him to be with me. My head began to pound a dull throb behind my eyes. Letting my eyelids fall again over my bright blue irises, I shifted on the bed.

Every muscle in my body screamed in protest as I turned over into someone else's arms. I snuggled into their chest, my hands coming up to rest between their chest and my own. I couldn't remember who had saved me from crying myself to sleep on the street, but I did remember the stark red hair. It could only be three possibilities. Babe Heffron, Malarkey, or Winters. I squeezed my eyes, trying desperately to recall the voice of that man. Doing that only made my headache worse. So, peeking open my eyes, I squealed when I saw him already looking at me.

"Heff, what the hell? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" He scoffed, sliding away from me slightly so that he could prop himself up on one elbow.

"Well, I think you run that risk when you're dating the likes of Sparky. I guess I should ask what the hell were _you _thinking getting involved with him?" I could hear the accusations in his voice. It was everything I felt for myself and more. There was anger there that I would be stupid enough to want to be with Ron, that I would betray Bill while he wasn't here to defend himself. I felt the tears coming to the surface. I wanted to turn away so much. I couldn't stand it anymore. These feelings of guilt and depression were closing in on me and I didn't know how much longer I could take them.

"I-it wasn't just some fling, Babe," I muttered, not really understanding why I felt the need to pour my heart and soul out into his lap. But once the floodgates had opened, I was powerless to stop them, "I fell in love with him. But he's engaged to Britney of all people. And I thought he was in love with me too until yesterday morning when he told me all he'd wanted me for was a quick fuck. Then, he just threw me to the wayside when I gave him what he wanted. Babe, I _know _Bill's the better choice. I know it like I know nothing else, but I just...I can't see anyone else but Ron." The tears leaked from my eyes and fell into my open palms. Babe suddenly pulled me into his lap and wiped the tears from my face.

"Becca, things change and if I know Bill, he'll forgive you. He'll see how much pain you're in and he'll want to be the knight in shining armor. Don't ever tell him I said this but around you-he just turns to mush. He's a totally different guy. He loves you so much. I see it every time he looks at you. If Sparky can't see what a great catch you are, then he deserves Britney. She's a bitch anyway." I let out a strained laugh. It felt good and it broke through the sadness. It made me see another path that I could choose. I didn't have to feel miserable for the rest of my life. I didn't have to spend all the long grueling days alone. I would have to make it up to Bill. I wasn't naïve enough to believe he would just let me back in, but I wanted to try. I _needed _to try. I threw my arms around Babe's neck. I laid a light kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you, Babe. I needed that." He shrugged and then jumped out of bed, carrying me with him. He dropped me to my feet and motioned towards where my boots were lying on the floor.

"Don't thank me yet. Dike wants to do two-hours of drill this morning. It should be a blast," Babe said, rolling his eyes at me. I groaned, throwing up my hands in frustration.

"All the man ever wants us to do is fuckin' drills. Doesn't he _do _anything else?"

"No, I really don't think he does," Babe chuckled, lacing up his boots as quickly as possible. There was another problem-Norman Dike. He was Moose's replacement and already, we'd christened him "Foxhole Norman." He was never around. Always splitting his duties between the NCOs and the officers while he headed off to Regiment. We all knew he was a favorite of someone up there. And we were the bump in the road he had to get past to continue his way up the military ladder. He had to get some combat experience. I scoffed mentally. According to Nix, we'd be here until January. It was ridiculous really, but more than necessary. Easy had lost a lot of Toccoa men in Holland. Many good men so we were filled with replacements who were barely legal and who had never seen the tough side of life. They were baby-faced and innocent. Some part of me hated them. They were replacing guys who should be here. Another part of me felt saddened by the sight of them. They were so innocent, so young. And here they were in the middle of a war they really had no business in.

"Hey, Becca, you ready?" I shrugged, taking his offered hand and following him out the door.

"As ready as I'll ever be I guess."

When we finally got to the empty field where our drills were being held these days, no one else was in sight. Babe and I stared at each other, more than a little confused.

"Where is everybody, Babe?" I asked him, my voice quiet. A small voice in the back of my head was whispering its doubts to me. My stomach filled with unease and my pulse increased its tempo. I listened to the sound of the wind in the trees and felt fear enter my mind.

"Ah, Becca. Heffron. Drills were canceled today. I sent Malarkey over to your respective sleeping quarters to tell you. I guess you just missed him," Dike's voice rang through the empty silence surrounding us. I jumped, cold shivers running up and down my spine. I turned around and seeing his blue eyes and crooked grin I suddenly knew why I was so terrified of him. He reminded me too much of Dr. Jacobson. Sometimes he would get a funny look in his eyes when he stared at me. It was hungry and curious-never a good mix as I'd learned from my limited experience.

"I do need your help though, Private Harris. Dismissed Private Heffron," Dike said. His voice was clipped and commanding. It was a voice that you did not argue with, especially if you were just lowly privates like us. I tried to reassure Babe with my eyes that I would be alright. He sent me a small smile before turning around and heading back into town. I stayed compliantly where I stood. My muscles were frozen and rigid. My jaw was screaming in protest as I gritted my teeth together in silence. Dike's body was so close to my own. I could feel the heat radiating from him. Unlike with Bill and Ron, it was not comforting. It didn't call me in. It only made me want to run away screaming in the opposite direction. I could feel those lifeless blue eyes observing me now. And I could almost imagine the curl of his lips as his eyes roved over my body. I had the urge to cross my arms over my chest, but I didn't. Maybe if I stayed as still and as quiet as possible, he would just leave me out of whatever plans he had for me.

"You know," Dike started, his voice suddenly behind me. His warm breath blew against the back of my neck and I shuddered once again uncontrollably. I felt sickened by his proximity, "You are a beautiful woman." He reached out to run one finger down the length of my neck. Several minutes passed by. The alarms were going off like crazy inside my head. What was it he was planning for me? How far was he willing to risk his career?

And then, as if it had never happened he stepped away from me. He began to make the walk into town, calling calmly over his shoulder, "Never mind, I think I can handle the job myself." With that, he disappeared around the corner. Leaving me to wonder if this was just the start of one of his sick games.

**December 15, 1944**

"Hey, Becca!" Spina called out to me as I finished checking on a patient's leg wound. I patted the man's shoulder before standing up and walking toward the other Easy Company medic. His dark eyes were twinkling with some excitement. I narrowed my gaze, wondering what was up his sleeve. He was always picking on me, "Gene wanted me to ask you if you'd take this down to Battalion. Winters asked for an inventory of 2nd Battalion's medical supplies." My chest deflated slightly. I grabbed the piece of paper and looked it over. The list was short and I couldn't help but hope that Nixon was right. We needed time to build up our supplies again.

"Sure thing, Ralph. I'll be back in about thirty minutes."

"Damn, it takes you that long to get over there?" I slapped his arm playfully.

"Okay, first of all I haven't had a break all day. You on the other hand have. So shut up and deal with it," I said, sending a wink over my shoulder. Spina shot me a dirty glance before turning around and getting back to whatever it was he'd been doing before he gave me the list.

As I walked, my mind wandered. There was so much to process that I tried not to think about for as long as possible. Ron was always in my thoughts. As much as I wanted to forget about him, it was impossible. What with Bill being gone, there was really no one to distract me from my feelings for him. I shouldn't feel this way towards him. He was as good as married and he'd already made his intentions for me very clear. So why couldn't I move on? Why couldn't I force myself to accept that we were never meant to be?

I shook my head, forcing those painful thoughts to the back of my mind. Bill was soon to follow. I couldn't believe it had been almost three months since I'd last seen him. It seemed like a lot longer and some days, the absence of him was all around me. Something about today made it one of those days. I wished and prayed constantly that he would come back to us. He was the heart and soul of Easy, of 2nd Platoon. We all needed him back here.

The HQ for 2nd Battalion loomed up ahead and I was soon inside, clutching the list tighter to my body. I waved at the orderly who was filing away paperwork. I could never remember his name, but he seemed like a nice guy. He was always taking crap from Nixon. I'd seen him fetch Lew too many cups of coffee over the past month than I cared to remember.

"Ah, Captain Winters is expecting you," he told me, his voice quiet as he walked around his desk to lead me down the hallway. The closer we got to his office door, the faster my heart began to pound. It didn't make sense that I would be nervous to see Dick. I brushed it off, leaning up against the wall and closing my eyes. There was someone already in to see him, so I would have to wait my turn. I giggled breathlessly when I imagined it was Bill in there. I tried to remember his dark brown eyes and his black hair. I tried to remember the feel of his lips moving against mine and the proof of his arousal pressed against me.

The door opened with a sharp click and wrenched me out of my day dreams. I opened my eyes, prepared to walk in when I was suddenly wrapped up in someone's embrace.

"Becca?" Bill's voice muttered in my ear. It was so soft and so comforting. Surprise and confusion shot through me, making it nearly impossible to breathe let alone think. I pulled away from his iron-grip and stared up into his eyes. I couldn't believe it was really him. After all that wishing and hoping he was finally here before me. I traced the curve of his jaw, loving the way his eyes shut and the way he shuddered against me.

"Bill," I whispered, his name rolling off my tongue like the sweetest of prayers. I threw my arms around him, pressing my lips to his bare neck. I kissed along that column, enjoying the feeling of him beneath my lips. I realized tears were streaming down my face. I didn't try to stop them. It felt nice to be crying because I was happy instead of being sad. It felt nice to have my best friend back. I hugged closer to him, speechless and unable to articulate my feelings except through touch. My hands wound themselves into his hair and I found my lips searching the air between us for his mouth. In a breathtaking moment, he was kissing me. With passionate, wild abandon. His arms locked around my waist and pinned me between the wall and his body. I moaned, needing him so badly it was bordering on painful. My chest was soon heaving and an unmanageable heat was working its way through my veins. My entire body was quivering with anticipation and delight as he brought me closer and closer to the point of no return.

I soon remembered exactly where we were when two people cleared their throats behind us. Ripping away from me, Bill and I stared at Nixon and Welsh with equally guilt expressions on our face. I blushed, staring adamantly at the floor.

"Why don't you two get a room, Jesus? Can't go anywhere these days without seeing some young couple about to rip their clothes off right there in public," Nixon said, shaking his head as he led Welsh down the hallway. I rolled my eyes.

"Shut it, Nix. You know you'd be doing the same thing if anyone would have you," I joked, straightening my uniform and trying to compose myself before I gave Dick the list he'd asked for. Nix turned around, feigning a hurt expression.

"That was a low blow, Becca and I'll get you back for it one day."

"Good luck with that," I called over my shoulder. I glanced at Bill and smiled at the sight of him. I leaned forward, unable to help myself, and kissed him on the cheek. Joy flooded through my system and I knew that if I didn't leave quickly, we'd be right back against that wall. Not that I would have minded I thought wickedly.

"I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere," I told him, grinning from ear to ear. He nodded and I moved toward Dick's open office door. I knocked softly and received an, "Enter," from the blue-eyed man behind the desk. He was shuffling papers around, stacking them on the corner of his desk.

"Hey, I'm sure this is the last thing you want to see right now, but I have the inventory you asked for." Dick's head snapped up and he grabbed it from me without hesitation, a grin on his face.

"Well, I won't have to worry about it for another two days," he said, letting the words sink in. I looked up at him, confused and surprised that he was actually going to take a weekend off, "Nix thought it would be a good idea to get me a 48-hour pass to Paris and you know he won't shut up about it until I'm on a train." I smiled.

"Dick, that's great. You deserve a break. It seems like you've been working non-stop since I got back," I said, leaving so many things unsaid in the air between us. Dick sighed, running a hand through his hair before sitting down in the chair behind the desk.

"Right, well Bill's back so I know you must be wanting to catch up with him. I'll see you when I get back." I nodded, sending him a quick salute before walking out the door and back into Bill's arms. He grabbed my hand immediately.

"Come on, let's go surprise the boys. If I get anywhere near as good a welcome as I did from you, then I'll be one lucky man," Bill chuckled. I stepped closer to him, leaning my head on his shoulder. It felt so nice to have him here again. Words couldn't have described how happy I was. And after a month of never-ending doubts, confusion, and sorrow it was a welcome change.

**December 17, 1944**

I snuggled against Bill's chest, his heartbeat jumping gently against my ear. My eyes drifted closed and I was almost asleep until Bill's voice filled my ear.

"Becca, so what ever happened to you when you were-when you were captured?" he asked me. His tone was gruff and I knew it cost him something to ask me that question. I hadn't talked about it with anyone else. It had hurt too much but I knew that Bill would be there to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. I knew he would say just the right thing to me to make it alright. I opened my mouth, trying to speak around the lump in my throat. I breathed, desperately holding onto what little composure and strength I had left.

"T-they tortured me, Bill," I whispered, fear lacing my voice as I pushed to keep the memories at bay. At night I could still hear the crack of the whip, could still feel their fingers roaming my body. I shuddered, clutching his shirt more tightly in my hands. I willed him with my actions to forget it. I wasn't strong enough to relive those memories, not yet. Then, he did something that I never expected.

"Did they...Are their marks, Becca?"

"Yes," I whispered without hesitation. He nodded, something in his eyes making me even more afraid. There was anger there, such smoldering anger that he almost didn't look like himself anymore. I could see the storm raging within him for dominance.

"Let me see them," he muttered. His soft hands plucked my fingers from his shirt and helped me to shift onto my stomach. I struggled slightly until he moved aside my hair to lay a gentle kiss against the back of my neck, "Don't you trust me?" I froze, a moment passing by before I finally nodded. Fear flooded me and I had a second to wonder what he would think of me before he was pulling my t-shirt up to reveal the scars winding their way down my bare back. I'd looked at them nearly every day since we'd been in Mourmelon. They were white by now, silver rivulets running in an awful pattern against my skin. Knowing where they'd come from, I felt sickened by them.

Bill's lips on my back sent all those thoughts to the back of my mind. I tried to concentrate on not flipping over again and pressing my half-naked body against him. Each kiss seemed to take away the memories of that time away from Easy. I knew it would take time, but someday I would be able to push those memories into a dark place in my mind.

"So beautiful," Bill muttered against my skin, his fingers lying spread-eagle along my waist. He reached a sensitive spot on my side, making me moan.

"Bill, I can't. You're..." my voice faded away when he flipped me over so that I was on top of him. I could feel the proof of his arousal pressed against my heated core.

"Jesus, do you know what you do to me?" Bill demanded, leaning forward to capture my lips in another passionate kiss. Just then, a harried fist pounded on our door.

"Bill, Becca, open up!" It was Heffron. Scrambling to get off Bill's lap, I reached toward the middle of the bed to pull my shirt over my head while he answered the door. He opened it, revealing Babe looking frantic and worried.

"You guys gotta get ready. We're moving out in about two hours." I froze, staring at him in fearful trepidation. I stood up and crossed the room. Grabbing his hand, I made him focus on me.

"Where the hell are we going? Nixon said-."

"Forget what Nixon said!" Babe shouted. Bill shook his head, running his hand shakily through his hair.

"We ain't got nothing. No ammunition, no fuckin' medical supplies. And Dike's got his nose so far up his ass that lump in his throat is his God damn nose," he muttered, turning around and packing his gear. I hugged Babe then pushed him away.

"See you in a bit, Babe. We're gonna be fine," I told him. I couldn't tell who I was trying to reassure. Him or myself. Either way, I had a feeling I knew where we were headed. It wasn't going to pretty. In fact, things were about to get really ugly for Easy Company. I could only hope that I would be able to help them through it.

**So I have to apologize for the lack of an update in 8 whole days. I hope that this chapter makes up for it though. On another note, thank you so much to everyone who has been reading, reviewing, adn adding this story and some of my others to their favorites and alerts. It means so much to me and it's really gotten me through this past week. College is hard, but I expected that and it's not as bad as it was that first week here. And also a huge thank you to captain ty. She's been my rock these past few months. What with this story and assuring me that I'll be okay in college lol. Oh and of course she's giving me wonderful feedback about the Bill/OC story I'm working on. More news on when I'll be updating for each of my stories is on my profile. So go check it out!**

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Easy Company. I only own my OCs and the original plot for this story. **


	32. Like a Star

_And steadfast as Keats' Eremite,_

_Not even stooping from its sphere,_

_It asks a little of us here._

_It asks of us a certain height,_

_So when at times the mob is swayed,_

_To carry praise or blame too far,_

_We may take something like a star,_

_To stay our minds on and be staid._

"_Something Like a Star" by Robert Frost_

**Becca's POV**

I leaned closer to Bill, wrapping my arms around his waist in an attempt to pull him even closer. I was so cold. Colder than I'd ever been in my life. And there was something that went even deeper to chill the blood in my veins. We'd been sent out here with no ammunition, no winter clothing, no medical supplies. It seemed like my entire world was collapsing in on itself. I knew what would happen to Easy in Bastogne. I knew what was ahead of us and yet I had a feeling I could do nothing to stop it. Realizing all this, I decided to turn my attention back to the guys. They were all joking and laughing, messing with one of the replacements in our truck.

"Fuck I miss those C-47s," Bill said, his voice carrying easily over the rumble of the trucks. I couldn't remember how long we'd been sitting here, how long we'd been traveling. It seemed like forever.

"Aw shut up, Bill. You ain't got no room to complain with the only woman in the whole damn company cozied up to ya," Heffron called from somewhere in the middle of the group. Everyone chuckled at that.

"Come on, guys, Becca's always had a thing for Guarno," Talbert said, a grin on his face.

"Yeah, that's cause he's nice to me unlike the rest of ya," I shouted from the open doorway. All the guys chuckled.

"And we all know what that entails," Muck shouted, laughing at the look that passed over my face. But I couldn't stay mad at them. They were happy. Freezing their asses off but even if the jokes were at my expense, I'd have done nearly anything to see them smile. We were in this for the long haul. If we thought we'd seen the dark side of war, we had been very wrong. The images that flashed before my eyes reminded me of just how extensive the damage would be. Photos upon photos I'd looked at from my father's books. By the time I came back to myself, the guys were asking the replacement for his stuff.

"You got any socks, Junior?"

"How about a coat? You got a coat?"

"Shut up about the coat, Lieb. No one has a coat!" I giggled, snuggling into Bill's side. His heartbeat was thumping gently against my hand on his chest. I closed my eyes, pressing my face into his bare neck to kiss his skin there. Stubble scratched against my lips, but I loved the feel of it. I'd missed it. I realized how lucky I was to have him back when we were now headed into what would become our worst nightmares.

"You okay, Becca?" Bill whispered, his lips so close to my ear that I couldn't help but shudder. Tremors passed through my body and my pulse jumped against the confines of my chest. How could I possibly tell him that everything was not okay? How could I tell him that I knew what was going to happen to us, that I knew exactly where we were going? I couldn't. I was trapped. Nothing would save them now. Not even knowing what the future held. Having that knowledge might even make the outcomes that much worse. No I couldn't tell Bill or anyone what lay in store for them. All I could do was try to make them better. Be there when they called for a medic, for a friend.

"Yep," I said, making sure my voice held none of the torment that was plaguing me in that moment. My fingers, tracing against the pocket of my jacket, found the sharp corner of something lying in wait there. Curious, I dug around in that pocket until my hand wound around a pack of lucky strikes. Smiling happily, I drew them out and tossed them to Malarkey.

"There you go, boys. Enjoy." Their faces followed the pack of cigarettes like a group of starving men. They all turned to me as one and grinned. Bill, receiving one, turned to me and shook his head.

"The hell you holding out on us for?" he asked. I shrugged, pulling the zippo out of my pocket and holding it up for him to light his cigarette. The tip glowed, illuminating his face and shrouding him in mystery and intrigue.

"Well, just be glad she found 'em, Bill. Don't ask questions," Toye said from the other side of Bill. I smiled, getting ready to settle in for another couple of hours until the truck jolted to a stop along with the others in line. My muscles turned rigid, my back ram-rod straight. Buck, beside me, hopped the tail-gate and looked around before letting it down for us.

"Alright, you got five minutes. Then we're moving out. Looks like we're gonna be walking the rest of the way," Buck shouted at the men filing out of the truck. I dropped down, my boots sinking immediately into the gently-falling snow on the ground. I looked down at it, my eyes widening slightly. It had been so long since I'd seen snow. Too long. Bill dropped on my left side, looking around at the other soldiers and trucks. He shook his head for a moment and I had to wonder what was going through his head. I could see the questions in his eyes and I felt something then that should have warned me. My father's voice, as it so often did when I remembered brief snatches of things he'd told me over the year about Easy, remained in the periphery of my hearing. The more I tried to focus on it, the harder it became to hear what he was trying to tell me.

I brushed it off, thinking that I was just overreacting. I hadn't slept in almost twenty-four hours. The adrenaline was rushing through my system. I felt dizzy with it, but I knew I would need it very soon. If we were walking the rest of the way into Bastogne and then on to the forests where we would take up our positions, I would need the extra boost. I had to stay awake just like the rest of the guys.

Bill's fingers tightening around my own pulled me out of my thoughts. My head snapped up, my eyes meeting his own. He was looking at me with concern. His other hand traveled up my side to cup my cheek. My eyes slid closed, reveling in the warmth of his touch. I was so cold and was reminded again just how bleak my world had become without him in it.

"Becca, I love you," he whispered, his breath hitting my forehead. He laid a gentle kiss there before lifting my chin so that he could caress my lips with his own. It was quick and chaste. The kind of kiss that spoke volumes about just how a person was feeling about you. It was full of promises. Of now and of tomorrow. It was full of steadfast devotion and passionate understanding. I felt the swell of his chest pressed against my own and I knew then that I would give him my heart and soul. No matter how I felt about Ron, I would learn to forget about him. With Bill by my side, how could I not? He was everything I'd ever wanted and as long as he would have me, I would stay with him. He pulled away first, his arm snaking around my waist and holding me firmly against his body. I laid my head on his chest, the thundering of his heartbeat against my cheek telling me exactly what I needed to know. He was just as terrified, yet just as excited about this as I was. We would have to work through this together. We had time. I looked up into his eyes and saw the promise of forever there. What more could I ever ask for?

**Ron's POV**

Watching them together made my stomach churn with sickness and with a jealousy I had never known. Before I'd known there was at least a hope in Hell that I would be able to change her mind. That I would be able to show her that she belonged with me, needed me more than she did him. But I'd gone and ruined everything. Now, with the knowledge that he was winning her over yet again, I felt the edges of my world growing dark and bleak. I'd broken her. I'd seen it in her eyes as she walked away from me that day. The memories were still fresh and the pain of my own stupidity was ripped open again and again the longer I stared at the couple kissing in the swirling snow.

_I couldn't believe that she'd been about to leave. I couldn't believe that after everything I'd done, everything I'd shown her last night, she still didn't understand. Anger and hurt boiled within me, each alternating in their control over my mind. The fury raging within my chest was soon overwhelming every nerve, every thought, every feeling. _

"_I guess you should have realized from the beginning that all you were was a good piece of ass. Now that I've gotten what I wanted from you, there's no reason for you to disillusion yourself," I spat it out almost before I could really think about what I'd said. My pride got the better of me as I realized what I'd just done. I saw the hurt in her eyes, the way she watched my every move as if she was hoping that I would take it all back in the next second. But I didn't. I just stared at her, closing off my eyes and my heart to her. I watched the tears pool in her eyes, making the blue waters of her irises swim with pain. My hands tightened into fists at my sides and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from stepping forward and taking everything back. Suddenly, she pulled herself together right before my eyes. Her eyes froze into two blue chips of ice, staring back at me as blankly as if I wasn't even there. _

"_I guess we don't have anything else to stay to each other then," she said in the coldest voice I'd ever heard her use. It chilled the blood in my veins and it made my heart ache with the realization that I had broken her at last. After everything, I'd finally pushed her to the edge. _

And now I knew the extent of what I'd done. I'd managed to push the best thing in my life away. I closed my eyes and turned away from the sight of her kissing another man. I wasn't ready to face the fact that I'd lost her and I could see no chance of getting her back.

**Becca's POV**

**December 19, 1944**

I couldn't feel my toes or the tips of my fingers. Even pressed into Bill's side, I was still freezing. I sighed, knowing that no matter how hard I tried, I wouldn't be sleeping any time soon. I could feel the weight of my exhaustion pushing down on my shoulders but I could not fall asleep. I'd tried, but there was so much to process and so much to think about. I shrugged out of the blanket Bill had wrapped around us and tucked it into his side. He shifted slightly in his sleep, his eyelids flickering slightly. Beside him, Toye elbowed him lightly in the ribs.

"Stop movin' around, Bill," Toye muttered, his head lolling to the side as he fell back asleep. I giggled, my shoulders shaking and warming my heart. It was nice to laugh again. I knew that we would all need a few laughs before the end of this. It was scary knowing the future and not being able to stop it. It was utterly terrifying. The thought of Ron being so close struck fear in my heart too, but for different reasons. With him, I didn't know what would happen. I didn't know what would happen with Bill either. I was so confused, so torn between the two of them. I had no doubts that Ron was my soul mate, the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Or at least I wanted him to be that. He seemed adamant about pushing me away at every turn though. It hurt. Much more than I would ever let anyone else know. But on the other hand, I had Bill. He took away the sting. He reminded me that there was more than one man in the world who was willing to take care of me, to love me with everything that he had. I knew Bill was the better choice. I knew I was slowly accepting it too. It had been a month since I'd talked to Ron and each and every day brought with it the slight easing of the ache in my chest.

I shook my head. Thinking about it, worrying over it, would do me no good. I had no place in his life anymore. The only logical thing to do was to let him go. I loved him and as long as I kept telling myself that he would be happy with Britney, then I had a chance of letting him go. I wasn't so selfless to completely believe that I truly wanted him to be happy with someone else, but it was the only chance I had. It was the only way I could be happy too.

Turning my eyes skyward, I watched the stars peaking out at me from behind the thick, dark clouds overhead. I watched them, wondering how long they'd been staring down at man and mocking its trials and tribulations. It reminded me of a poem I'd once read from Robert Frost. I shut my eyes tight, trying to remember the words.

"So when at times the mob is swayed, to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star, to stay our minds on and be staid," I whispered, staring up at the steadfast star and knowing that's what I would have to be like for the men, for myself.

My steps were suddenly halted when someone's fingers had tightened around my upper arm. My heart leaped into my throat, my blood rushing in my ears and making me dizzy as that hand twisted me around. Shoving me back into a tree, his face swam into view. Dark blue eyes and twisted lips. Newly-shaven cheeks and hair that was cropped close to his head. Looking at him now, I couldn't imagine how I had missed the similarities. Lieutenant Dike sounded like Jacobson, walked like Jacobson, even looked like him. I stared up into his eyes, terrified of what he would do to me in that moment. I was tempted to look around, but I knew no one was out here. He'd caught me at just the right moment in just the right place. It made my stomach churn with regret and fear. Why had I left Bill?

"Now what's a pretty thing like you doing out here all alone?" he asked me, his breath blowing in poisonous tendrils across my lips. I shuddered, trying and utterly failing to keep my thoughts at bay. If I could just disconnect my mind from my body, I might have a chance. If I could take whatever it was he wanted from me, I could get away from him. He leaned closer, his fingers undoing the top buttons of my jacket. I whimpered as the tips of his frozen fingers skimmed across the column of my neck. I wondered if this was some sick joke. First the Germans and now here he was trying the same thing. Just because a touch is disguised as the gentle brushing of skin on skin instead of the crack of a whip doesn't make it any less violating, any less chilling. I shuddered, pressing my back harder into the trunk of the tree behind me.

"Please stop," I muttered, every muscle in my body freezing when his body followed mine. He made sure that every inch of our bodies were pressed tightly together. I could feel the bulge in his pants straining against my thigh, reminding me of how much danger I really was in. I looked around, praying once again for anyone to stray across this scene and help me. Dike's fingers cupped my cheeks and his lips descended on my own. Something inside me snapped in that moment. Pushing wildly against his chest, I managed to shove him a few precious inches away. He turned his eyes up to mine. The rage there was indescribable. My heart seized and my breath stopped. He took a step back toward me. I knew I should run away, knew that I should save myself before it was too late. But then his palm collided with the side of my face. He grabbed me by the arms, shoving me back into the tree and keeping me from touching my throbbing cheek.

"This isn't a contest of wills, Rebecca. I've been watching you for a long time. Too long actually and I don't plan on waiting anymore," he said before he let go of me and let me slide to the cold, wet ground. I sat there in shock as he faded into the distance, the darkness swallowing him whole and making it impossible to see. I sat there for God knew how long, frozen and numb to everything around me. The silence in the clearing was deafening and the sight of the snowflakes falling invariably, inevitably to the forest floor worked at calming me down. My pulse was pounding in my ears and my mouth had gone dry from shock. I couldn't believe my luck. Men had never noticed me in my own time. Now that I was the only woman around, it seemed like I was getting a lot more attention. I didn't like it at all.

And now that I had all the silence and time to keep me company in the world, my thoughts whirled right back to Ron. I wondered what he was doing; if he was sleeping, if he was alright. The part of me that still hadn't given up on him and I resolving our problems wondered vainly if he was thinking about me too. I closed my eyes, trying to imagine the strong line of his jaw, the darkness swirling in his dark eyes, the smirk that could stop my heart, his arms crossed over his chest as he tried to conserve body heat. A pain rose in my chest at that thought. It was nearly unbearable to think that he was so close and yet we were growing apart the longer we stayed away from each other.

That's when I heard something. It was stark and so sudden that I nearly screamed in fright. A twig cracked under someone's boots and I covered my mouth with my hand. The hot steam from my mouth caressed my hands and I tried to focus on the feeling coming back to my fingers. The crunch of the snow resounded through a clearing. The noise was closer now and I could only hope that it was an American and not a Kraut. I had nothing to defend myself with except for a knife. It was strapped to my boot but I knew that if they had a gun, they would take me down first. I would be dead long before he'd even had the chance to be scared of me. I watched in abject horror as the man stepped into the clearing. I couldn't see much but I knew instantly that he was not American. His gray uniform singled him out as different. Adrenaline shot through me at the sight of him. I knew then what I had to do. The only choice I had was to run and get the hell out of there. He was walking toward me, growing closer and closer with every step he took. As quickly as I could, I jumped to my feet and took off in the direction of where I guessed Easy was. I listened with perfect clarity as he shouted at me in German. I ran faster, pushing myself to the brinks of my strength. The sound of a pistol being shot didn't register in my brain. All I could do was run and hope that he would not follow. If he did, he would only be gunned down. But what if he went back to the German line and told them where we were? What would I do then? I sighed heavily, feeling in my heart that none of it would matter if I was dead. Alive, I could at least warn the men about it. Making up my mind, I ran forward shutting off anything and everything except the need to get back to the boys.

I became suddenly and painfully aware of myself when I ran right into someone else. Their arms tightened around me and in a moment of terror, I flailed wildly. Desperately trying to break their hold on my waist.

"Becca, God damnit open your eyes and look at me!" Bill's voice shouted in my ears. A lump formed in my throat when I did as he asked and saw his face staring down at me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, never feeling so happy in my life to see him as I did then. I clung to him, my heartbeat slowly down to a gentle hum in my chest. I was safe with Easy. I knew it but I couldn't help but look over my shoulder for any signs of movement in the darkened forest beyond.

"Oh, Bill, I was so scared," I whispered.

"What happened?" he asked me, his voice gentle and soothing. It worked like a balm to sweep away the thoughts of the run in with the German as well as what had happened with Dike. I shook my head, kissing his cheek before pulling away.

"I just had a run-in with some Kraut soldier. He was wandering around. I ran away before he could do anything, but I don't think I've ran faster in my life," I said, smiling despite the gravity of the situation. Bill laughed, taking my hand and tugging me toward his foxhole.

"Alright, I think you've had enough excitement for one night then. Let's get some sleep. Joe just left to go out on the OP so its just us for now," Bill said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively at me. I rolled my eyes and pushed down into the hole.

"Maybe later Casanova," I giggled at the disappointment on his face. We both settled in. I laid my head on his chest and listened to the gentle rhythm of his heartbeat in his chest for a few moments. He settled his lips against the top of my head. I sighed, content for the first time all night. I snuggled closer to him, my eyelids shutting and the sound of his pulse against my cheek lulling me to sleep.

**December 20, 1944**

"Becca!" someone's voice shouted just above me. Peeping an eye open, I saw Spina looking in at Bill and I from the edge of our foxhole. I groaned, shaking the remnants of sleep from my body by grabbing the hand he'd offered. Bill wrapped the blanket closer around himself, shifting slightly so that his face was turned away from me. I focused on Spina again. He was watching me, scrutinizing my face.

"When was the last time you slept, Smalls?" I rubbed my face, thinking. I hadn't slept since before the ride out here and that was two days ago.

"About two days give or take a few hours. I'll be fine. Just need a shot of caffeine and I'll be raring to go," I joked, chuckling along with Spina. He clapped me on the back and smiled.

"Yeah, don't we all need a shot of that stuff. We'll be so hyped up the Germans won't know what the hell to do with us." I nodded, taking a piece of gum out of my pocket and popping it in my mouth. It felt so innocent, so normal to be chewing gum out in the middle of this frozen tundra. It was almost overwhelming. I chewed, listening to the gentle hum of the men as they awoke and started stretching and shooting the shit with each other. I could dimly hear Hoobler and Malarkey nearby talking about what they would do when they found their luggers. Lipton was walking from foxhole to foxhole, smiling and laughing with the boys as he passed them. My stomach twisted and I was reminded once again of just how lucky I was to be with them. They had truly become the family I'd never known.

"So what did you wake me up for anyway?" I asked Spina as we walked.

"Well, uh, I was just wondering...Gene's getting some sack time and he told me to head over to third battalion and try and pony up any extra medical supplies we might need. So me and Babe went over there and we didn't get much. So I was gonna head into town to try and get something from the medical unit."

"And you needed to tell me this?" I giggled, quirking an eyebrow in his direction. He shook his head and I noticed then just how tired he looked.

"Spina, do you want me to go instead? I've gotten at least four hours. That should carry me over until tomorrow," I told him, pushing him toward his and Gene's foxhole. He sent a grateful smile over his shoulder.

"Thanks, babe, I owe you one."

"Yeah you do. As soon as we get back to the states, you owe me a cheeseburger and fries at the first diner we come across," I said, winking at him. He waved me off and I turned around, spotting Heff standing a few feet away. Trudging through the freshly-fallen snow, I made my way toward him. He turned around and laughed at the sight of me.

"So that sly bastard got ya to replace him huh?" Babe asked, elbowing me as I settled into step beside him. I shrugged, smiling despite the fact that I was still exhausted.

"I guess he did. Oh well. I know him and Gene have been working their tails off for the past two days."

"So have you, Becca. And you didn't train for this shit at all," Babe said, his voice rising slightly as he glanced between me and the path before us. I looked at the ground, wondering if I should just change the subject. I could see that Heff was bothered by me being out here. I'd never really given that any thought before. I knew how I felt about them. But what was I to the men? What did they see in me? Was it painful knowing that a woman, someone they were supposed to be protecting, was out here and going through the same shit they were?

"Babe, you know, I've never really thought about how you guys feel about me being out here. Is-is that why you're upset?" I asked him, keeping my voice quiet and calm. Several seconds passed in silence before he cleared his throat.

"I can't really speak for the rest of the guys, but I love having you out here. You've really grown on us, Becca and I think you take a lot of things on that you really don't have to. That's why I'm upset not because you're out here and you're a girl. I don't care about any of that shit. I think a lot of the guys feel like that too. If you hadn't been runnin' around during that fight in Nuenen, you wouldn't have gotten captured. If you didn't feel like you needed to do all this stuff for us, you wouldn't be exhausted right now either." It was the longest speech I'd ever heard Babe make. It was almost scary hearing him spout off those opinions of me. I didn't believe a word of it. They were the ones who took on too much. And a lot of the time, I felt like nothing more than a burden and a distraction. I took Babe's hand, silently thanking him for all the things he'd said. It meant a lot especially considering that I respected him so much. He'd helped me over the past few weeks more than I could ever tell him. Torn between Bill and Ron, I'd almost forgotten what it was like just to have a guy friend. It was almost like Bill all over again. Only there was no attraction there, just friendship. I elbowed Babe playfully in the ribs.

"Alright enough mushy stuff, I get it," he said, chuckling as he took his helmet off to run his hand through his hair. Putting it back on again, he looked over at me, "Hey, I ever tell you about the crap games we used to have back home?" I shook my head, my curiosity peaked at once.

"Well we all used to have these crap games every Sunday right after morning mass. Everyone was out in the streets laughing and carrying on. Lost a lot of money because of those damn games, but I made some money sometimes too. We had lookouts on every corner to tell us if the cops were sniffing around. It only happened once or twice that they came to check us out. Every housewife on the street kept their doors unlocked that way if we had to make a quick getaway, we could run inside and pretend like we weren't doing anything wrong. I think that's one of the things that I really miss about home. That and my mother." He got a wistful, nostalgic light in his eyes that made him smile dreamily at the ground as we walked on. I shook my head. That feeling of surreality was back in full force. What I wouldn't have given to actually be born in the 1920s and grow up in a place like South Philly. It sounded like everything my father had ever imagined and more. There was something to say about reading about people's experiences and then actually having them happen to you. I just wondered what the price of this would be. Would I be just as affected, just as scarred as the rest of the men?

Walking into the town square of Bastogne, it wasn't hard to spot the church that was being used as the aid station. Dead men were lined up against the wall separating the church from the street. And nurses and doctors alike were rushing out of the doors to help the medics move the wounded inside. My stomach twisted with nausea. The situation was even worse than I could have imagined. Men were dying left and right and I could do nothing to stop it. For the first time since the war began, I felt completely and hopelessly incapable of doing anything. Despair filled my soul, but I knew I had to push those thoughts to the back of my mind.

Gripping my medical bag even tighter to my side, I followed Babe through the square toward the church. It was a big building. I could see the jagged holes in the stained glass windows where the bombing had taken its toll. Huge chunks of the church lay strewn, forgotten, in the street and in the courtyard surrounding it. When we entered through the front doors, the smells of blood and of death filled my nostrils. This was what I had been trying to prolong. Facing the possibility of what might become of all the men I'd come to care so much about. I would try everything in my power to save them from this. It was utter and complete chaos here. Nurses were rushing around from dead man to dying man like they were chickens who'd just had their heads lopped off. I glanced at Babe. His face was pale and I knew that we were sharing some of the same thoughts.

"Now I know what Bill was talking about when he said that aid stations are Hell on earth," he muttered, jerking his chin forward. I followed his line of gaze. I saw the familiar outline of Ron's body. Shock rushed through me, making me dizzy and nauseous. I grabbed Babe's hand, squeezing it tightly. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"Come on, Becca. Let's just get the supplies and go," he urged me. I shook my head defiantly, my legs carrying me forward before I'd even considered what Ron must be here for. Then I saw her rise through the crowd to place a kiss on his lips. I could see the smug happiness in her eyes as she pulled away. My heart seemed to fall to my knees, bleeding and broken beyond repair. If Britney was here, then I had not a hope in Hell of fixing what had happened between us. Numbness covered my entire body and filled me with a hopeless sorrow that I knew I would never displace. I'd been wrong. The ache in my chest had not been dulling. I had just gone beyond the point of being able to feel the hurt of having lost him. I choked on a gruff sob, biting my lip so hard that I tasted blood in my mouth. I turned away from the sight of them, feeling in my heart that no matter what I told myself I would never get over the hurt that Ron had caused me. I grabbed Babe's hand, pulling him through the crowd until I found what looked like one of the leading nurses.

"Excuse me, I'm real short on supplies. I was hoping you could help me," I told her, hoping the desperation in my voice and eyes came through. Apparently it had because she nodded and motioned for us to follow her.

"I have a little to spare. Come with me."

**Yeah, so this was a super intense chapter. I hope you liked it though, especially you Bilca fans out there! :D And funny story: so I was fixing up what I thought was this chapter. And it was actually chapter 33. So yeah I saved you guys from some really awful spoilage. Thank goodness I didn't go ahead with it. **

**Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. Sorry I won't mention you all by name, but tt's been a really hard week for me. Just being homesick and having family issues that I didn't know until Friday. It was just completely chaotic. And btw, for any and all story updates, just go to my profile. I try to update those sections ever few days just to keep you all afloat of what I'm doing. **

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men on which this story is based. I only own my OCs as well as the original plot for this fic. **


	33. Inconsolable

_Babe I don't wanna waste another day_

_Keeping it inside it's killing me_

_Cause all I ever wanted _

_Comes right down to you, to you_

_I wish that I could find the words to say_

_Baby let me tell you every time you leave_

_I'm inconsolable_

"_Inconsolable" by the Backstreet Boys_

**Ron's POV**

Shoving Britney harder against the wall, I tried to imagine that it was Becca I was with. I tried to imagine the soft swell of her breasts with every sharp gasp she took. I closed my eyes, picturing the way her legs would wrap around my waist to pull me farther and farther inside her. It was her face I imagined as I spilled my seed into another woman's body. In the moment before I opened my eyes, I wondered what the hell I was doing here. Why was I willingly giving up the best thing that had ever happened to me to be with someone who was not half the woman Becca was?

_Maybe this is for the best. Maybe she's better off with Guarnere instead of you. Maybe you should let her go so she can be happy._

That annoying voice in the back of my mind had been speaking up a lot lately. Whispering thoughts to me that I did not want to hear or acknowledge. The anger inside me was sickening. It was with me all the time. A constant beat within the tempo of my pulse. I couldn't rid myself of the haunted look in her eyes or the hurt I'd seen clearly painted across her pale face. My chest ached with need and want for her to be in my arms again, but I knew that if I ever had a chance with her again I would have to give her time to forgive me. Not that I deserved her forgiveness. One simple, glaringly obvious detail, kept replaying in my mind over and over and over again.

_Her body was poised, her direction the door on the far side of the room. But in a moment, confusion and doubt swept across her face and filled her eyes. She stood there, in the silence of the room and seemed to reconsider herself. A smile so sure it nearly broke my heart curved her lips. She turned around, her hand pausing in mid-motion when she saw me. I could see the racing of her pulse in her neck. The fear in her eyes was something that I had never wanted to see when she looked at me. _

_She'd been about to leave. And I could not think beyond the rage burning a hole through my soul. If I could have, I would have realized that she had changed her mind. _

She had changed her mind. She'd been coming back when the anger consumed me and caused me to hurt her nearly beyond repair. I shook my head, the recollection of where I was coming back to me full force as Britney's hand traveled up my damp chest to rest against my cheek. She stared up at me, her eyes full of the remnants of the pleasure we'd shared. I hated her in that moment. Despised her for the innocent look she was giving me. That she knew nothing of what I was enduring infuriated me. With a primal growl, I pulled out of her and bent at the knees so that I could pull up my pants.

"Ron, what's wrong? Why don't you ever talk to me about what's bothering you? We're supposed to be able to talk to each other if we're going to be m-," she began. For a moment, I saw red. I advanced on her, slamming my fist into the wall right beside her head.

"Finish that statement, and I swear I'll break it off. I'm fucking tired of hearing about the wedding, okay? That's what's bothering me right now. You don't need to know every God damn thing I'm thinking and feeling, alright?" I leaned away again, a smirk appearing on my face when I realized just how good it felt getting her to shut the hell up. It was aggravating. She said the same things repeatedly when we were together. All of them having to do about the wedding. I had no intentions of marrying her. Not now. Not when I knew what I would be losing. But I had underestimated Britney once before. It seemed I had done it again as she took a step forward and poked her finger in my chest.

"Okay, Mr. Caveman. I'll do what you want. But only because I'm pregnant and now that whore you were just thinking about doesn't have a chance in hell with you." My world seemed to tilt on its axis. I fell away from her, my arms drooping lifeless to my sides. For once in my life, I was shocked beyond speech. Pregnant?

"What the fuck are you talking about? You can't be pregnant," I muttered, running a hand through my hair. How was this possible? I glanced up at her, expecting to see something of a lie on her face. There was nothing but honesty in her eyes. And a smug satisfaction that at last she'd managed to throw me off balance.

"Doc Ryan confirmed it right before I was shipped out here, Ron. Aren't you happy? We're going to have a baby!" she squealed. I slid to the floor as she made her way out of the room, her hips swinging to a tune only she could hear.

"Fuck," I whispered to no one in particular. My hope of ever having Becca had just fallen away from me. I needed time to steel myself before I faced my men again. I could feel the surprise and devastation on my face. I'd worked so hard for my reputation and it wasn't something I wanted to lose now just because of Britney.

**Becca's POV**

I looked around when Babe said something to me. I'd floated back here on what seemed like a daze. My memory was jumbled. All I could see and think about was the fact that Britney was here with him. And I couldn't place it, but somehow she looked different. Her cheeks had been rosier than I'd ever seen them and even in this frozen wasteland, she looked beautiful. The epitome of perfection. It was a wonder Ron had ever wanted to be with me at all. I was nothing next to her.

"Becca?" Babe shouted, his voice strained. I glanced over at him, my eyes widening when I realized the box was about to collapse from everything the French nurse had given us. I wasn't so far gone that I couldn't laugh. I giggled, rushing forward to grab the bottom before it gave out. Babe sent me a relieved smile, replacing his hands with mine.

"Thanks, Smalls. I owe you one," he said, sending me a wink. I could see something in his eyes, in his expression. There was a tightness to his face that I couldn't help but wonder what had caused it.

"For helping you with a box? I don't think so. But if you insist-you could tell me why you're so upset," I said, sending him a knowing look. He rolled his eyes, turning his gaze on the short distance we still had left to go to get back to Easy.

"I just have a hard time believing that you're in love with Speirs. I mean I know the heart wants what it wants and all that shit, but why him? If I could pick anyone in the entire ETO who had the best shot at breaking your heart, it would have been that guy," Babe replied, the anger in his voice evident. I didn't know who that anger was pointed at. Me, Ron, or the situation in general.

"I just-I can't explain it. I love him, but he's with Britney now so none of it matters anyway. Listen, you don't have to worry about me. I'll be okay. Besides, Bill's here now," I said, patting him on the shoulder. Before he could say anything, we saw the first of Easy's foxholes appear through the fog that had settled over the Ardennes. Tears had flooded my eyes at the reminder that Ron couldn't be with me anymore. He was with her and there was nothing I could do about it. They would go on after the war to get married and have children. The thought of it made my chest burn with despair and anger. Walking forward with Babe, I knelt beside Gene as he rummaged through the box of supplies.

"Hey, Gene, I'll be back to get my stuff later. I'm just gonna go check the guys out on the OP," I muttered. I didn't wait for him to reply. Flexing my legs, I rushed away from the two men. Tears silently streamed down my face. I didn't move to wipe them away. I knew there would be more. When I finally cleared the foxholes, silence descended around me and I sank to my knees. Crying my fears and lost hopes to a world that did not have the time or patience to listen.

**December 23, 1944**

Three more days of not sleeping had done nothing to improve my mood. I knew I was acting strangely and I knew that Bill had noticed. I tried to be happy for him, but nothing ever seemed to work out my way. I settled more deeply into our foxhole, hugging my knees to my chest and watching the clouds move above the treeline. Every day felt like a waste. My life had lost its purpose. And I knew that was the stupidest, most desperate thing I'd ever thought, but it was true none the less. I shook my head, trying with all my might to turn my thoughts elsewhere. They wouldn't leave no matter what I did.

Someone's hands closing around my own pulled me from the chaos inside my mind. Bill's face swam into view, concerned and frustrated. He pulled me closer, his arms holding me firmly to his chest.

"What's wrong, Becca? You've been like this ever since you got back from Bastogne. I can't fix you if I don't know what's wrong," he said, placing a tender kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes, breathing him in. I was reminded that I was hurting him too, being like this. He deserved someone who had a whole heart, someone who wouldn't look at him and wish he was someone else. It wasn't fair. I wrenched myself from his grasp and rushed out of the foxhole.

"You can't fix this, Bill. I did this and I'm tired of hurting you. I think it'd be better if I went and found another hole to stay in," I said, tears pooling in my eyes again. Wasn't there a limit to how many tears you were allotted in one lifetime? I would have thought by now that I wouldn't have anything left in me to cry out. Tightening my arms around my middle, I tried to hold myself together. I knew I was breaking and I knew that I had to snap out of it soon. How was I going to help Easy if I couldn't even help myself?

**Bill's POV**

I watched her go, my chest twisting in pain. Why was she always running away? Why did she think I couldn't help her? Determination flooded my system and I knew at once that Babe would know what was bothering her. He'd been there in Bastogne with her. If I just knew what was wrong, then I could fix everything. I knew it probably had something to do with Speirs. He was always hurting her. And it killed me knowing that however much I loved her, she never thought it would be enough. I would make her see. Eventually, we would get out of this hell-hole and Speirs would become more than a distant memory. That was the plan anyway. I knew that without her, I wouldn't know what to do.

I closed my eyes, thinking back to Holland when she'd gone missing. Nothing could compare to the terror that had nearly broken me then. And then knowing that I'd been in the hospital when she'd come back was nearly unbearable. All that time I'd lost with her...

Rushing forward through the darkness, I finally saw Babe sitting on the edge of Luz and Perconte's hole.

"Hey, boys!" I whispered, "What's the word?"

"Oh, nothin' much just waitin' for the Krauts to start shooting at us again," Luz replied as he grabbed a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it with Perconte's zippo.

"Mind if I borrow Babe for a second?"

"Nah, go ahead." I grabbed Babe by the arm and led him a few feet away.

"What's up, Bill?" he asked, voice all curiosity. I looked out into the distance, wondering if I wanted to know the answers I was looking for. Running my hand across the stubble on my face, I realized that even if I didn't want to know, I _had _to know. It'd been driving me crazy for almost four days now.

"Babe, what the hell happened in Bastogne? Becca won't talk to me and she's been off since you guys got back. Is it Speirs?" I asked him, my head buzzing when I saw the look on his face at my words. That confirmed it alright. With a growl that ripped through my chest in pain and fury, I turned on my heel, intent on finding Becca. I didn't know what I would say to her. I didn't know anything beyond my own suffering. Babe's hand on my arm made me stop.

"Bill, hold on a second. You don't even know the whole story. Now before you rush out of here all pissed off, just hear me out," Babe said, real fear in his eyes at the thought of what I might do to screw things up even more with Becca. _He _was the thing that was keeping us apart and I didn't want to further that rift between us any more. I sighed and waved my hand so that he could continue. Babe grinned before clearing his throat.

"He saw Speirs there with that fiancee of his and she just kind of snapped. Stood there watching them. I saw the hurt in her eyes, Bill. He's breaking her heart and he's too stupid to stop it. She really does love him, Bill. But I know she loves you too. What exactly _did_ she say to you?"

"She said that I can't fix her. She's tired of hurting me. All kinds of bullshit-," I began, anger boiling in my veins once again. Babe rolled his eyes and smacked me upside the head.

"You dumb ass! She doesn't want to hurt you any more because she's trying to give you a way out."

"The hell are you on about, Babe?"

"Just think about it, Bill. You'll figure it out," he told me. He turned and walked away, leaving me to stew over the complicated mess I felt pressing down on my shoulders. Sighing, I turned around and took the pack of cigarettes out of my pocket. Lighting it, I sucked in the smoke. My chest burned and my mind was filled with a dizzying clarity. It was time to get some answers. I was tired of being the last one to know everything and I was tired of being dicked around.

**Becca's POV**

**December 24, 1944**

I stared out into the distance of the early morning fog. There was no sound, no movement on our side or theirs. I couldn't believe it was Christmas Eve already. I pulled my knees to my chest, my mind full of so many thoughts that it was hard to keep track of them all. We'd been out here in this frozen forest for what seemed like forever. How much more could any of us take? Not to mention I was trying desperately to get a hold over myself, over my emotions. This war was bigger than me and my internal turmoil. I just couldn't seem to find my grip no matter how hard I tried. I knew that something had broken inside me. And it was rocking around, waiting to be found and waiting to be placed back in its rightful place.

Behind me, I heard someone approaching me. Their footsteps crunched in the snow, breaking the restful sleep of the forest. I had a feeling I knew who it was. I was tired of running from him. I was sick of trying to avoid the inevitable that was going to occur between us. I'd known it would only be a matter of time and Babe had warned me that Bill had been asking him questions. He dropped to his knees beside me, his body so close his arm brushed against my own. My eyelids slipped closed, every nerve in my body begging to get closer to him. But I kept my distance, focused every muscle in my body to relax. That became nearly impossible when his fingers closed around my own.

"Becca, we need to talk," he said, voice low and intimidating. I couldn't tell if he was sad, angry, or a little bit of both. At last I turned so that I could focus all my attention on him. It was the only way I would be able to tell what he was thinking. I saw it there in his dark eyes. He was angry. More furious than I'd ever seen him. Something dark and twisting roiled in my stomach, sending my heart accelerating. Making my mouth dry up instantly. An intense, breathtaking need to strike out against him swept me up in a whirlwind of confusion. It was instinctive, wanting to counteract that anger. But I knew that I had no right to be angry with him.

It had been me this entire time. Me playing off the hearts of two different men. In that moment, I felt more ashamed than I'd ever felt in my life. It had been easy, accepting that I truly was in love with Ron while Bill had been in the hospital. Now he was back, it seemed like I was being confronted with all the things I'd done to him again and again. It was exhausting and it was tearing me apart piece by awful piece.

What could I do about the two of them? I was irrevocably, unconditionally in love with them both for so many different reasons. It wasn't a matter of who I loved more. It was a matter of who I could not live without. I knew, if given the choice, I would not be hesitant with my answer. It was Ron. It had always been Ron. Even though he'd made the decision to be with Britney, I couldn't give up the hope that one day he would choose me too. Sometimes, it was unbearable thinking of everything we'd been through and everything I'd given him of myself, and knowing that after all that he'd still picked her.

But another part of me kept repeating one thing over and over in my head like a mantra. How could I admit this to Bill? How could I tear his heart apart by telling him that even after he'd proven his love for me, I still wanted Ron? I couldn't do that to him. I wouldn't be able to stand the pain that rush through his eyes, I wouldn't be able to take him looking at me with hatred and accusations spilling from his full lips. I shut my eyes, closing myself off to him for a moment in time.

In that moment I realized that I'd come to a fork in the road. I would have to choose which way to turn, which man to love and which to let go. But before I'd really contemplated exactly that would mean for me, Bill's fingers closed around the hand that was clenched around the loose fabric surrounding my thigh. My skin adopted a sheen of heat and lust. Liquid fire shot through my veins and made every nerve ending hyper-aware of everything he did while he was holding my hand.

"Becca," Bill's voice wrapped around me in a tight, unbreakable, hold. It made me pulse with a passionate need that would not leave me. As he continued to stare into my eyes, the heat intensified. I tried to pull away from him, knowing that the feelings within me would dissipate once he stopped touching me. He only clamped down harder on my hand, even daring to scoot closer to me.

"We need to talk, Becca. I deserve to know," he said. It seemed to be the magic words. The most profound chill settled around me, made me remember who I was and who I was sitting beside. I shook my head, tears threatening to spring to my eyes. What the hell was I doing? I felt so guilty, so ashamed of what I was doing. I turned my gaze upward so that I could look him in the face. Part of me wanted to look at my own hands as I tore his world apart. Another part of me wanted to watch his face crumple in pain and despair.

"Bill, I don't know what's wrong with me," I said, grinding my teeth together in frustration and confusion. I clutched at my head, wondering all the while if finally everything had caught up with me. My father's death, dreaming about a man I'd never met, falling back through the caverns of time to end up in the middle of World War II of all places, Ron, Bill, Dike, being captured and tortured by the Krauts. For a moment that seemed to stretch into forever, I felt my mind imploding. Stretching outwards as everything came back to me at once before shrinking so fast that I was left feeling dizzy and sick. In that moment, I saw my life flash before my eyes. I should feel strong and proud of all that I'd done in my life. I should feel anything but this. Guilt, sorrow, cuts so deep they'd festered in my heart for almost my entire life. This was not how I should remember my life.

And suddenly-incredibly-the moment passed. Bill pulled me into his lap and held onto me so tightly that I felt my lungs contracting in a vain attempt to draw breath from the air that had suddenly thinned and become too tense. My head reeled and I slumped, melting into his warmth.

"Bill, I-I'm so sorry. For everything. I saw Ron at the aid station. He was there with Britney. I'm so sorry for using you all this time. I know you're better for me. I know that but I just..." my voice trailed away as he leaned backwards and crashed his lips against mine. The kiss seemed to last a lifetime. It was filled with sadness, regret, but most of all the most burning and heated love that he'd ever shown me. He pulled me closer, conveying all the things in his heart with just the brush of his lips against mine. A lump formed in my throat and I had to pull away so that I could breathe. I conformed to the shape of his body, pressing my face into his neck.

"It's okay, Becca. Jesus Christ, I wasn't expecting this kind of reaction just because you saw him with that scarlet woman!" Bill muttered in my ear. I didn't think I would ever laugh again and here I was giggling into the warm skin of his bare neck. I kissed him there. Chaste and light, but I hoped it held even a fraction of the relief and happiness that I could feel replacing the abject depression.

I pulled away, intent on telling him that I loved him. But the screaming of a mortar collided with echoing finality into the tree standing only ten yards away.

"Fucking Krauts!" Bill yelled in my ear. He jumped to his feet, my body sliding from his own. I grabbed his helmet and together we ran from the mortars. They followed us so closely the pounding in my heart was the explosions and shaking of the ground beneath our feet instead of the beat of my pulse.

"Hit the deck, boys!" I could hear Lipton yelling at the other men who were still absent from their holes. Bill and I jumped as one into our foxhole and hunkered down as far as the confines would allow us. Bill wrapped his arms around me and pulled me flush against his body. I could feel the tension there, the worry and the anger that the Germans had interrupted our conversation. But in my heart, I knew that it was for the best. Any longer, and I would have broken his heart with the truth of what was really eating me up inside. I couldn't tell him that I'd betrayed him so willingly while he'd been hurt in the hospital. I was slowly coming to the realization that no matter how much I wanted things to be different, Bill was my only chance at happiness now. Ron was so far out of my reach that I had no chance of getting him back. No I had to learn to love what was good for me. It was the only way.

**So, maybe this might clear up a bit of apprehension a few readers had about Becca not being able to make up her mind. I think the element that all my OCs have in common is that they're all so eaten up with confusion and doubt that it makes it hard for them to be truly decisive. And of course, I don't know any of you who have been in a love triangle before, but I'm just depicting the feelings the way that I see them. I've been in a sort-of love triangle before. But it wasn't anything nearly as dramatic as this haha. **

**HUGE thank yous go to: BloodUponTheRisers, captain ty, EmmyMK, AivieEnchanted, Dean's Leather Jacket, Nemo, BrokenAngel1753, guest, and Master of Wishes. All of them reviewed the last chapter and I can't say exactly how much those comments meant to me. I really appreciate it. I hope you all like this chapter just as much as the last one. **

**To Nemo: I'm really glad that the inner Bilca meter is satisfied. Hopefully, this one was just as fulfilling. I know my muse was going crazy for this chapter because she just adores Bill. :D**

**To guest: You make some really valid points. It's really amazing that you've managed to get down to the very essence of the story in that Ron hasn't gotten to the point where he can really, truly come to terms with the fact that he's in love with Becca and Bill has the entire time. So thank you so much for the review and I really hope this chapter was to your liking!**

**Disclaimer: Of course, no disrespect is meant toward the real men on which this story is based. I only own my OCs and the original plot of this fic. **


	34. Numb

_I've become so numb_

_I can't feel you there_

_Become so tired_

_So much more aware_

"_Numb" by Linkin Park_

**Ron's POV**

_Fire danced across the horizon and I hugged her closer to my chest. My head was growing fuzzy as I sucked in breath after breath of the poisonous fumes rolling toward us from the burning houses all around us. Through it all, a desperation the likes of which I'd never felt before waged within my heart. My sole purpose right now was getting her out of here but I couldn't see anything. My body was growing weaker, my legs threatening to fold beneath me with every succeeding step I took. But I knew that I couldn't falter now._

_A small, hopeless moan fell from her pale lips. My heart lurched painfully in my chest and I had to bite down on my lip to prevent the cry from rolling from my own mouth. I glanced down at her as her eyelids lifted partially. Those flecks of blue were all I needed to see to regain my strength. The sorrow contained in their depths, the resignation that we were going to die here tonight, were enough for me to realize that if I did not move she would die. Even if I was no longer a part of this world, the thought of her ceasing to exist was enough to stop my heart. I could never let that happen, not while I was still around to prevent it. I glanced down at her again, smiling despite the gravity of our situation. _

"_You're going to be alright. I'm going to save you," I muttered, my voice raspy with the ashes that had settled in my lungs. What I saw then took my breath away. She looked up at me, trust shining in her eyes while she smiled. Her finger traced the outline of my face, finally ending at my forehead as she swept the hair from my eyes. _

"_I know you will, Ron. I love you so much," she replied, tears forming in those beautiful blue orbs. My heart pounding in my chest, I started forward again. Determined to find a way out of this burning limbo. With her love, I could do anything. Because the truth was that I loved her just as much. No matter how many times I had tried to deny it, I knew it now. It beat like a second pulse within my body. Seeing no way of reversing time, I embraced it. Knowing with all my heart that loving her was the thing that would get me through this war._

My body jolted upward, pain and panic mixing together into one solid feeling as I awoke from the nightmare. I remembered it. It seemed like so long ago that I'd first dreamed it. And I knew that this was no mere coincidence. I could feel in my bones, in my very soul, that whatever the dream was trying to warn me about was coming. It was galloping toward me at an alarming rate. I also knew that I could nothing to stop it. It was the most awful, helpless, feeling in the world. I hated feeling like that. Hated it almost as much as I hated myself for pulling away from Becca when she obviously needed me the most. The thought of that dream morphing itself into one of hopeless despair had tears nearly forming in my eyes. She could die. The realization struck me through to my heart with one brutal swoop. My heart crippled with the blow and my brow creased as the pain shot through my body.

I had done the most irreparable thing to her. I'd broken her heart and turned her into the arms of another man because I was too stubborn and proud to accept that I'd made a mistake. That I was in the wrong for once. It seemed I was always screwing up with Becca. Before I even knew what I was doing, I had jumped out of the hole. My legs were moving, as if by a will and mind of their own, toward Easy's line. I shook my head, trying to get a grip on the thoughts racing through my mind. I had to see her, I had to know that she was okay. The urge was so strong that I had not a care as to what the consequences might be of this decision. All I knew was the intense, burning _need _to look into her eyes one more time before the danger smothered her.

**Becca's POV**

**December 25, 1944**

My eyes drifted lazily from each succeeding man's face. I could see it in their eyes even if their easy smiles said differently. I could see the yearning to be home. This was a day for family, for happy times and beautiful memories. Instead they were all stuck here in this frozen tundras that for many, would haunt their minds for as long as they lived. I shivered in the shelter of my jacket, wondering if I would be as scarred as each of them. I hadn't suffered nearly as much as they had. I felt out of place suddenly, so scared and alone and utterly helpless. My mission here was to keep these men's hopes alive. But what was I doing? Huddling at the end of the chow line with my hands shoved into my pockets. Beside me, Babe and Bill were talking. Both of them were laughing, their eyes glinting with amusement. My soul cried with anguish, knowing that out of the entire company, these two men had become my lifelines. I knew I was depending on them entirely too much. It was all I could do to stop myself from sliding into the dark abyss of depression that I could feel hanging over me every second of every day. Waiting and watching for the right moment to fall and swallow me whole. My heart quivered, my ears pricking at the sound of a jeep moving through the snow that had been falling to the ground since dawn.

All of us turned as one toward the source of the noise. I gasped slightly when I saw that it was Colonel Sink riding in the passenger seat. I'd overheard Winters and Nix talking about the hot meal the Division staff was receiving tonight. It made me sick to my stomach, thinking that all any of them had ever done was send us around like their own personal attack dogs. All they'd ever done was watch and wait and plan as more men like those from Easy Company died at the hands of the Germans. And _they _were getting the hot meal. _They _got to watch us starve while they ate turkey and mashed potatoes. My stomach rolled with the thought, glad that out of all of them, Sink had thought to come out here. A smile lit up my face as Bill grabbed my hand and led me over to where Sink was standing. Joe Domingus stood, frozen and forgotten, behind us. I could feel him like a comforting presence at my back, waiting for all of us to turn back to him to get our share of the beans he'd made.

"Division staff's got turkey and hooch up at their CP. Damned if I don't like Joe Domingus' rancid ass beans better," Sink said as he walked through the crowd of Easy Company men. His blue eyes were twinkling. With true regret and sadness that we were out here while they got a hot meal. His lips were pursed and I could tell by the stiffness of his shoulders that he was angry. Maybe even furious at the outrageous, back-handed slap to the face all of us were getting out here. But I could tell he was trying to remain positive for us. He was trying to bring us at least a sliver of happiness on this Christmas Day, "Hello Easy Company!"

"Hello, sir," we said. Our voices rang out in an echo that rattled me to my core. The Colonel approached Captain Winters, shaking his hand before taking a letter out of his pocket and offering it to him.

"General McAuliffe's sent out a message to the entire division. I thought you might like to read it to the boys," Sink said, his gruff voice soothing rather than repulsing. It was familiar, something I knew all of us had to hold onto instead of dropping to the breaking point. I watched as Dick waved Sink's offered hand away, saying that it should be his prerogative to read it out loud to them. Sink nodded and then walked back toward where the officers were standing. Settling into a standing position in front of them, he held the letter out in front of his face and began to read:

"Men, General McAuliffe wishes us all a Merry Christmas. What's merry about all this you ask? Just this! We've stopped cold everything that's been thrown at us from the North, East, South, and West. Now two days ago, the German Commander demanded our honorable surrender to save the U.S. encircled troops from total annihilation. The German Commander received the following reply. To the German Commander: Nuts!" At this, he paused for affect. His blue eyes were glistening with amusement as we all chuckled. Bill elbowed me in the side. I looked up at him, smiling at the grin that was painted over his face. It seemed like none of us had too many of those. It felt good seeing it, seeing Bill smile. Seeing them all chuckling at what General McAuliffe had said to the commander of the Germans in the area surrounding Bastogne.

"We're giving our country and our loved ones back home a worthy Christmas present. In being privileged in taking part in this gallant feat of arms, we are truly making for ourselves a Merry Christmas." The silence after his speech was soul-shattering. I could feel the tension in the air, the realization and the remembrance of exactly why we were out here. We were fighting to survive, but more than that-we were fighting so that the people at home did not have to. We were trying to make the world a better place by defeating the monsters who wanted to take over the world and turn it into a living Hell.

"Merry Christmas to you all and God bless you," Sink concluded, walking back towards the jeep that was waiting to take him back into Bastogne. A chorus of "Yes, sir" and "Nuts, sir" followed in his wake. Bill turned to me, his smile still in tact. He leaned forward, brushing his lips lightly against mine before he pulled away again.

"Merry Christmas, Becca," he whispered against my skin. My body shivered, not from the cold, but by the heat I could feel pooling in my veins and making me hungry for him all over again. I shoved his shoulder, needing the playfulness to offset the lust driving through me like a wooden stake.

"Come on. Let's get some of those rancid ass beans," I giggled, settling back into the end of the chow line. This time, I could feel the difference in the mood like a presence hanging over all of us. The men were smiling again and the hope that was sent through me made me smile too.

**Ron's POV**

Approaching the Battalion CP as slowly as I dared, it took all my willpower not to rush in there and demand to see Rebecca at once. My heart was pounding restlessly within the confines of my chest and my hands were shaking uncontrollably in the relative safety of the pockets of my jacket. As I waited for Winters to get back, the one thought that I didn't want to acknowledge came rumbling back to me.

Britney was pregnant.

I'd wanted to believe for the first few days that she was lying to me. That she was trying to push me away from Becca with a last resort. It was true though. There had been a smug satisfaction in her eyes that day, but not dishonesty. It made the guilt and pain in my body ascend, filling me with the utmost regret of all that I had done. It was a reminder of just how badly I'd treated the one woman I'd ever loved-and would ever love. Along the lines, I'd come to realize something. Without Becca, there was no chance of me ever falling in love again. I wanted her, needed her, like air and water. She was a part of me, something I could not live without. And look how I'd treated her. I ran my frozen, quaking hand through my hair and let out a steady stream of steam from my mouth. I watched the steam rise, floating into oblivion amongst the white blanket of snow that was falling down on the Ardennes.

A sound at my side had me shifting to get a better look at it. A shocking blast of red suddenly filled my vision and I sighed in relief. Winters spotted me right away. He sent me a questioning look as he sidled forward.

"Ron," he muttered as he swept past me and ducked under the canopy of the tent that had been used to build the Battalion CP.

"Sir," I replied, stamping my feet as I followed him inside.

"What can I do for you?" Winters asked me, his lips trembling from the coldness soaking into all of our jackets. I shrugged, wondering how much I should tell him. He had a right to know. After all, he'd been with her since the beginning. And I knew he understood at least some of what I was feeling right now for her. I refused to meet his eyes, opting instead to stare at the snow that was marked by the dirt from my boots.

"Well, I-I was hoping that I could see Rebecca. It's Christmas," I said, my voice cracking slightly as I hesitated. My pride was getting the better of me. I couldn't very well straight out tell him that I missed her. That every cell in my body seemed to be shaking in ecstatic hope that soon I would see her again.

"Uh, Ron, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. Bill came to me yesterday and told me that she's pretty messed up right now. I think that seeing you would only make it worse," Dick said. His voice was so quiet. In different circumstances, it would have been soothing and reassuring. Now, however, it was just plain infuriating. So Becca was suffering because of me?

"Right. Okay. Thanks, Dick. And Merry Christmas," I said, rushing away so fast I didn't give him a chance to reply. I knew I deserved this, but it didn't make it hurt any worse. Maybe it would be the best thing for me to stay as far away from her as I could. She didn't need this. She didn't need to suffer because of me anymore.

**Bill's POV**

I watched the gentle rise and fall of Becca's chest. Her eyelids were flickering slightly and she let out a low whimper in her sleep. My eyebrows furrowed, my pulse stilled, and my breath hitched in my throat. Closing the distance between us, I pulled her to me. Wrapping my arms around her, I heard the sigh of contentment that rippled across her lips. Her fingers tightened around the front of my jacket and she clung to me.

"Bill," she whispered, her lips ghosting along the column of my neck. I shuddered, the cold air and the warmth from her lips creating a delicious friction that made me grow firm and eager beside her. My fingers, as if they had a mind of their own, traveled up her back and snaked through the soft tendrils of her hair. I held her to me. Desperately, hopelessly. All my anger at her secrecy seemed to slip away whenever we were together like this. How was it possible? How could she drive away all sensation-all thought-but the ones that centered around the lust and desire that she brought up in me? Her legs slipped around my waist, hoisting her body closer to my own in an intricate dance of sheer pleasure. I moaned against her, hoping that the wind outside was enough to cover up the sound.

I could feel the desperation and the need in her lips and in the way she dug her fingers into my shoulders. I could sense the air of despair threatening to close around her. Kissing her more fiercely, I could feel the pain and hurt recede slightly. My heart jumped into my throat, making it impossible to breathe for a moment. I pulled away from her, gripping her face like a lifeline as I stared into her eyes. I tried to recapture my breath, my chest heaving with exertion.

"I love you," I told her. It was the only thing I could think to say, the only way I knew how to take the rest of the sorrow in her eyes. She stared at me. One second. Two seconds passed before she managed a weak smile.

"I love you too, Bill," she muttered as she leaned forward to wrap her arms around me again. The stiffness of her shoulders melted away, her body lying limply on my own as she smiled against me. I pushed the hair from her face, cradling her in my arms, and knowing that I would give almost anything to stay like this for the rest of our lives.

**Becca's POV**

A feeling of hopeless fear gripped me, shaking me awake into a world yet untouched by the horrors that were headed our way. Behind us, around us, I could hear the gentle murmurings of the other men talking amongst themselves in their foxholes. But most chilling was the sound of the German voices rising in a baritone symphony to sing Oh Holy Night. I couldn't explain why it was so horrifying, why it sent shudders up and down my spine. Something began to stir within my stomach. It was unsettling. It shook my entire frame with unrestrained pain and terror.

I untangled myself from Bill's limbs, tucking the side of the blanket I'd been using over him. He shifted in his sleep, but his eyes remained shut. I smiled down at him, thinking of all we had shared tonight. I still wasn't being completely honest with him, but it was a start. Accepting that just maybe he would understand and just maybe he wouldn't so angry as to call it off. If I lost him I knew I would lose everything most important to me. There was no way I would survive it.

Pulling my medical bag up to my shoulder, I noticed a faint, flickering light in the distance. Shrugging my shoulders, I made my way toward it. That's when I became painfully aware of my body. My boots were frozen over, my hands were trembling inside my pockets. I couldn't feel any part of me except my legs. I had to wonder again if I would always be reminded of Bastogne when winter came around. Would I remember the Christmas we spent out here in the Ardennes Forest forever? So many questions and not enough answers.

The sudden whistling of an 88 overhead had me ducking down and getting to my knees. What the hell was I doing out here? Forgetting all about the sinking feeling I'd had that something bad was going to happen tonight, I made to crawl back toward Bill's foxhole. Mortars and machine gun fire echoed all around me, filling my ears with the harsh metallic music of war. I shivered, my cold hands seeping further and further into the snow with every move I made. That's when I heard it. As clear as day. A call for a medic. Instinct flew within me. I was on my feet in less than a second and running toward the source of the yelling. I could hear Dick's voice and panic rushed me further on. Was he the one hurt? Or Nixon? Welsh perhaps? Dodging ahead of well-aimed 88 rounds, I finally slid into the clearing where Welsh's body was jerking in pain.

"What the hell happened?" I asked, my legs taking me to his side. I knelt down, a deadly calm resting over me suddenly. It was what the situation needed. It hurt me to be so calm and detached, but if Welsh had any inkling of a chance to make it out of here it was what had to be done.

"Harry, you're gonna be okay," I told him. I took a surret of morphine out of my bag. Handing it to Dick who was kneeling in the snow to my left, I instructed him to put it in the opposite thigh. My hands delved into my bag, the sulfa packet I gripped between my teeth while I found the tourniquet and tightened it around his thigh so that the blood circulation would be cut off.

"Dick take the scarf off my neck," I said while I poured the sulfa on the wound. Harry had relaxed against the rest of Nixon's hands. I could see the fear in all their eyes, but I didn't know exactly what to say to make them feel any better.

"Harry, you're gonna be fine. We're gonna get you a ticket out of here for Christmas. You don't have to stay out here in this God damn hell hole," Nixon said, gripping his friend's hand as tightly as he dared. I shook my shoulders, taking the scarf from Dick and dabbing gently at the wound to clean off some of the blood. I could smell the iron and taste it in my mouth. I could see where it had stained the snow. Turning my focus back on Welsh, I wrapped the bandage around his thigh, securing it by tying it off in the corner. Behind us, the jeep had pulled up and the driver was kneeling next to Dick. Watching me play doctor. I could feel someone lurking in the shadows at my back. Turning around as the men walked Harry toward the jeep, I saw Gene there looking lost and alone. Not even bothering to wipe the blood from my hands, I walked toward him and grabbed his arm.

"Hey, you okay, Gene?" I asked him, my voice so soft it was barely a whisper in my own ears. But his gaze snapped up to mine, his brown eyes filling with something akin to a smile. He patted my arm, a ghost of that smile playing about his lips.

"You did real good, Smalls," he muttered, his eyes wrenching away from my own to look at something over my shoulder. Dick had come up. His icy blue eyes were filled with concern.

"Why don't you both go into town with him? Get yourselves a couple of hot meals?"

"Yes, sir," I said immediately, jogging forward and hopping into the back beside Harry. His eyes were still open and his hand found mine immediately.

"Thanks, Becca," he muttered. I squeezed his fingers, knowing that he didn't need to hear the words to know that I was just doing my job. Roe sidled forward, his bag swinging absently against his leg as he clambered up into the passenger seat. The driver took off immediately, driving as fast as he could through the trees and the snow. After what seemed to take days, the forest cleared and the driver hopped onto the snow and dirt covered road leading into Bastogne. Overhead, the sky was alight with explosions and machine gun fire as the Germans tried to take down our planes. I watched them with a grim fascination, knowing that this had shaped up to be a really shitty Christmas night. Rolling my eyes, I turned my attention back to the road before us. I gasped silently, seeing all the burning buildings we were passing. Bastogne was still being bombed. Medical personnel and the wounded that could walk were hobbling away from the explosions on the edge of the town. The clacking of the anti-aircraft guns made my ears ring and throb. Seeing the mortars that were whistling as they followed us through town, I threw myself on top of Harry. Shielding his wounded body with my own. Dirt and rubble crumbled down around us. The wind caressed my face a moment before I lifted my head. The jeep came to a grounding halt. The driver jumped out immediately to help with carrying Harry. I jumped off the back of the jeep, noticing immediately the men that were running out of the church where the aid station had been. A part of me jolted. Remembering the men and women that were most likely stuck inside, covered by floors of debris. My stomach jolted with a sickening pang of guilt and remorse. I was about to turn away when Eugene started for the ruined building. While men were rushing out, he was running in.

"Gene!" I screamed over the shrieks of the explosions falling down like fiery rain all around us. I watched him disappear into the oncoming fog and smoke clouds. I sighed, knowing that I couldn't just stand around and wait for him.

"God dammit!" I shouted. I started after him but was pulled back by a hand closing around mine.

"Where the hell do you think you're going? You're helping me with this guy," the jeep driver said. I looked at him. Stared into his deep, dark eyes and I knew that he was right. I had to worry about Welsh first. Getting him to safety and getting him looked after. I nodded silently, sending my gaze back toward where Gene was still standing staring into the interior of the church.

"Just give me a second," I said to him, rushing forward to grab someone off the street, hoping to God that they knew where all the wounded had been taken.

"Hey! Do you know where they took the wounded that were in there?" I asked him, pointing behind me at the looming figure of the church.

"Yeah, you guys need some help finding it?" He jerked his head at the driver standing behind me. I nodded, patting him lightly on the shoulder.

"That'd be great. Thanks!"

An hour and three arguments with the head doctor later and Harry was sleeping on a cot in the very back of the building where they had taken the wounded. The jeep driver had left a while ago. He'd been needed out on the line so I couldn't really blame him. I wondered dimly where Gene was as I made my way through the mob of soldiers piling into the cramped space, my goal the door. As someone's hand closed around my arm, I knew I'd have to wait just a few more minutes. Shock and confusion ruptured through my brain as I turned to see who'd grabbed me. Standing there looking dirty but nonetheless hostile from the last time we'd talked, was Britney. Her blond hair was twisted into a sloppy braid and her brown eyes were shimmering with malice as she grinned down at me.

"Hey there, Becca. It's been a long time since I've seen you," she said. Her eyes roved over me. Taking in the shape of my uniform and probably smelling the weeks of dirt and grime that had accumulated on my skin, "Wow, you look a sight, don't you?"

"Well, things like showers are kind of hard to come by when you're off fighting a war," I said, my sarcasm biting through my voice. Her lips thinned slightly and she raised her eyebrow at me.

"You might want to watch what you say around me, Becca. You might just make me do something that will break your world apart," she warned. I chuckled bitterly, shifting my eyes around to look at who might be listening. The noises of the wounded soldiers as well as the other doctors and nurses seemed to fade into the background when she'd grabbed me.

"Trust me, you've already done that. Taking Ron away from me was the most painful thing you could have done to me," I told her, daring to stare her in the eyes. What I saw there had me taking a step back. I could see the wickedness, the need for her to hurt me even more than she already had.

"Well, seems like you're due for a reality check then. I'm pregnant with Ron's baby," she said, her lips curling back to show the two rows of her perfectly even, perfectly white teeth. My stomach roiled, my eyes burning suddenly with pain and horror. I felt my knees threatening to give out beneath me and reached out to grab a hold of the bed post at my side. My world seemed to be sweeping underneath me, carrying all the weight of my sorrow. I couldn't believe that they were having a baby together.

The urge to cry was strong in my chest and in my throat, but they refused to fall. After all the crying, all the mourning I'd done, the tears would not fall anymore. My world fell away, leaving me numb and cold in the shell of my body. Every chance and every hope I'd ever had of being with him again had died with Britney's confession. Turning away from her, I let out a resigned sigh. What else could I do? I rushed forward, running into the solid chest of someone who was standing in the doorway. I looked up at their face. All I could see was a thin film over my vision. Feeling more lonely and terrified than I'd ever felt in my life, I pushed their body away from me. My world came crumbling down around me as I realized that dreams were just that. Make-believe, pretend, nothing substantial, nothing magical. The reality was stark and harsh and I was going to have to get used to it soon.

**Ron's POV**

The non responsiveness in her expression had my world falling slowly off its axis. The blank look on her face was more heart breaking, more soul-shattering, than any amount of tears ever could have been. The fact that she couldn't tell who I was chilled me to my very soul. Her fingers had tightened around the cuffs of my arms and I held my breath, daring to believe that she would realize it was me. I'd missed her so much. Every cell in my body was sighing with relief at having her so close once again.

But as quickly as she'd appeared, she vanished into the whirlwind of smoke and fog lingering outside the door of the hospital. I shook my head, wondering desperately what had upset her so much.

_Britney, _a voice in my head whispered scathingly. I couldn't believe that she'd managed to push Becca even farther away from me than she already had. I rushed into the entryway, spotting Britney immediately by the brilliant sheen of blond hair that was shimmering down her back. I grabbed her arm, not bothering with pleasantries. I dragged her backwards until we were alone as we could be in the corner of the building.

"What the fuck did you do to her?" I muttered, my voice filled with all the hatred and frustration I'd been harboring for her since she'd told me that she was pregnant. There had been a hope of calling off the wedding, the engagement. Add a baby, an innocent child to the mix, and I could do nothing. I'd known people who'd grown up without one or both of their parents. It was an awful thing to see. I wouldn't do that to my child. I focused again on Britney's face, seeing the malignant malice written all over her face. I was one second away from punching my hand through the wall when she leaned forward. Her lips lightly skimmed the shell of my ear.

"I told her that I was pregnant. Now that she knows, we won't have to worry about her sweeping in here and taking you away from me ever again," she whispered, her words filling me with chagrin. I ran a hand through my hair, knowing that if anything would keep Becca away from me it was the prospect of a baby. She'd lost her own father after all. I didn't know the man but I could see that she'd cared a lot for him. I'd seen a glimpse of how much it must have devastated her to lose him. In that moment I realized that with the knowledge of that unborn child, I had no hopes of making Becca mine again.

**So, no let up on the misery or angst in this chapter, but I really hope everyone liked it anyways. Now I've been getting a lot of reviews from people addressing the fact that Becca can't make up her mind about who she wants to be with. The point is that she's in love with both of them and as horrible as it is, she wants to be with Ron more. Obviously that's impossible and she's trying to come to terms with being with Bill instead. And trust me, the head of this triangle is going to come sooner or later. Just be patient young padwans. :D**

**Huge thanks goes out to everyone who reviewed the last chapter: BloodUponTheRisers, EmmyMK, captain ty, BrokenAngel1753, AivieEnchanted, EllieMayy, and Dean's Leather Jacket. You guys don't even know how much you inspire me with your wonderful reviews. Thanks so much! 3**

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Easy Company. I only own my OCs and the original plot for this fic. **


	35. What Hurts the Most

_What hurts the most_

_Is being so close_

_And having so much to say_

_And watching you walk away_

_Never knowing what could have been_

_And not seeing that loving you_

_Is what I was trying to do_

"_What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts_

**Bill's POV**

The explosions filled my ears, waking me up at once. Panic seized me and for a moment, I couldn't understand why. Rubbing my eyes and sitting up, I turned my gaze to my side. I fully expected to see Becca sleeping right beside me, but she wasn't. Worry and fear choked me, making it impossible to breathe. The _clak-clak _of the anti-aircraft guns on the German side of the line started up. My heart stuttered and before I even knew what I was doing, I had to jumped to my feet and was out of our foxhole. Rushing forward, I could see and hear nothing. Dodging mortars and machine gun fire, I finally dove into Babe's foxhole. Thankfully he'd been on his own for a few days now so I didn't crush the kid who'd been sharing his hole. Babe was hunkered down, his helmet falling over his eyes and his gun glued to his side.

"Babe?" I yelled as loudly as I could. I tapped his arm and he jolted upright with a start. I could see the confusion and amusement that I'd risked my neck to come and see him during the middle of a firestorm. I grinned at him, temporarily forgetting what I'd come here for in the first place.

_Becca, _a small voice whispered in my head. I closed my eyes, my throat swelling and my stomach plummeting once again. Where the hell was she? And why had she chosen this moment to leave our hole?

"You came all the way out here just to see me?" Babe yelled, putting his mouth close to my ear so I could hear him. I shook my head, clapping him on the shoulder. I couldn't keep the utter fear off my face nor the tremble of my lips as I leaned toward him.

"Nah, I was wonderin' if you seen Becca?"

"No, I ain't seen her since you two walked off together after chow time." I sat back on my heals, biting the inside of my cheek in impatience. Putting my face in my hands, I grabbed the side of the foxhole as I got ready to jump out of it again. It was crazy and stupid to go looking for her right now. But, that's why I'd been given the name Wild Bill in the first place. Babe's hand on my arm stopped me.

"The hell you goin'?" I faced him, trying to hide the desperation in my expression and failing miserably.

"Babe, I gotta find her. She was in my foxhole a few hours ago and now she ain't there. What if she's out there all alone hurt?"

"You aren't gonna be any help to her if you get wounded too, dummy," Babe said, pulling me back down into the hole to sit beside him, "You can run outta here once they stop shooting the shit out of us, alright?"

"Fine. But I swear to God, Babe, if she's dead it'll be on your head."

"She ain't dead, Bill. She's stronger than you and Speirs give her credit for." My entire body froze with the impact of his words. I remembered the odd light in her eyes when she'd been telling me that she'd seen him with Britney at the aid station. I could still feel the wetness of her tears dripping cold onto my bare neck. The whisper of her words still flowed against my skin.

"_I'm sorry..." _she'd said. But why? What was so awful about seeing Speirs again that she would apologize to me? My mind was whirling, my thoughts taking me somewhere I wasn't sure I was ready to go just yet. There was more to the story than I had already gotten. I had to wonder if anything had happened between them while I was in the hospital. Fury rose within my chest, making my throat burn with things left unsaid.

"You know," Babe started. All I could do was listen to him in heated silence. I was too angry to speak just yet, "Speaking of Speirs, I never told you how good a guy you are for sticking with her. I know a lot of guys who wouldn't put up with that kind of shit, but you're not like them, Bill. You really do love her don't you?" In a silent roar of pain and betrayal, me worst fears were realized. So there was more to the story, more than Becca had already told me.

"What are you talking about, Babe? What did she do?" I said, barely containing the anger threatening to swallow me whole. Jealousy raged within me, boiling the blood in my veins and making my pulse beat frantically against the side of the neck. I could feel it pumping hard and fast, trying to break through the confines of my skin to be spilled like rubies onto the white snow beneath my body.

"Well, you know, what happened in Mourmelon..." surprise and realization appeared in his eyes as he stared at me. His mouth formed itself into the shape of a small circle, "Shit, she hasn't told you about all that has she?"

"No, Babe, but I sure as hell want some answers now. Tell me right now what she's been hiding from me." I wasn't Babe's friend in that moment. I was a man who'd been lied to and beaten down countless times by the woman that claimed to love me. I just couldn't believe after everything that she'd kept to herself. It was sickening and mind-numbing. I succumbed to the rage warring within me, letting it override every instinct. Babe was saved from answering me because I saw her silhouette moving in the distance. It was impossible to mistake her for anyone else. The ebony curls twisted themselves into soft ringlets to the tops of her shoulders. Her breasts were clearly outlined by the explosions still lighting up the sky every few seconds in the distance. My anger dissipated slightly at the sight of her. I almost convinced myself that whatever had gone on between her and Speirs, we would be able to work through it. Then, she passed like a ghost into the gathering darkness of the forest and I remembered again what had made me so angry. Growling under my breath, I made to get out of the foxhole again to run after her. For the second time in the past hour, Babe's hand on my arm stopped me. Just barely. He pulled me backwards, grabbing both my arms so that I would look at him.

"Bill, calm down. You won't get anywhere with her acting like that. I know you're pissed off right now, but trust me. Give it a few days and then you can talk to her. She's probably hurting more than you know and she needs her friend not her jealous-as-Hell boyfriend." I shoved him off of me, knowing he was probably right. Sinking down into the cold, uncomfortable hole, I realized that a few days wouldn't be enough time for me to calm down. But it would give me the time I needed to think out what I was going to say to her. As well as time to consider what she had done with Speirs while I was still in the hospital.

**Becca's POV**

**January 2, 1945**

It felt like my entire body was numb to everything. I'd been walking around in a haze for days now. All I could think about was the fact that Ron was lost to me forever. There was no hope of getting him back. And I wasn't sadistic enough to hope that Britney would drop dead just so that I could be with him. I wanted to fight for him. Sometimes it hurt so much that I would just cry myself to sleep. That had only happened twice. The rest of the time, I was just numb. I couldn't even really feel the cold anymore either. Or hunger. I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten anything.

Shaking my head, my ears perked at the sound of a gun going off. Ducking mechanically to the ground, I felt someone's hand close around my own and pull me backwards into a foxhole. Their strong arms closed around me, holding me to their chest as they called out to someone else who was in a hole not far from ours. I had to wonder who it was. Tilting my head backwards, I found the strength to smile up at Babe's blue eyes and pale face.

"Hey there, sweetheart. Haven't seen you around in a while," he said, letting go of me. I shook my head, trying to clear the mood I was in. I wanted to be normal, if even just for a few moments. I wanted to laugh and joke around with the boys again. I had to clear the fog that had filled my mind and my heart all of a sudden. Biting my lip, I turned my attention to Hashey, who was standing in front of the hole that Malarkey, Shifty, Lipton, and Buck had all piled into.

"It's Hoob. He's shot!" he yelled at all of us. His eyes were wide and filled with fear for his friend. Hoobler was a man that everyone in the Company loved and had a lot of respect for. He was a Toccoa guy. He'd been with the company since it's formation and now he'd been wounded.

"Sniper?" Buck asked.

"No. He..." Hashey's voice trailed away before coming back strong and clear, "he shot himself." Fear shot through me, the first feeling I'd had since descending the winding staircase into complete oblivion.

"Fucking Christ," Buck muttered. He glanced over at me, and motioned for me to follow them, "Come on, Harris. We're gonna need you." I nodded, right on their heels. Hoobler was laying on the ground, his legs flailing slightly as he looked for any way to get rid of the pain radiating through him. I could feel my face fall as I knelt next to him, looking desperately for the wound. He was wearing so many clothes. The blood probably hadn't seeped through all the layers yet.

"Hoob, where ya hit?" I asked him, voice low and calm. He looked up at me, true fear and pain glowing in his eyes. I felt my breath catch in my throat and tears threatened to rise to the surface.

"My leg," he said. His voice was so strained. I knew that I didn't have any morphine. I'd given my last surret to a replacement last night. He was tucked safely away in Bastogne. They hadn't been bombed since-since Christmas. Not nearly as badly anyway. I shook my head, focusing again on the wounded man in front of me. The men's voices all faded into oblivion as I struggled to rip the layers of pants so that I could see the wound. I leaned backwards, trying to find enough light in the dim clearing to work. It was impossible and the clothes just wouldn't give. I growled, digging my bloodied fingers into his dirty ODs as I desperately tried to tear the layers of clothing from his leg. Lipton shaking me awoke me from the frenzied haze I'd gotten myself into.

"Becca, he's gone," he muttered, his breath blowing across my bare neck. Chills rolled up and down my spine, filling me with the most sickening feeling I'd ever experienced. I sunk back into a sitting position, my eyes traveling slowly up to the lifeless face of the man whom we'd all loved. That cold numbness seeped back into my soul. It was just another corpse to me. The shell of a man who was once talking and laughing like the rest of us. Death was all over and I was completely, blissfully numb to it. The fear, the sorrow all disappeared into the back of my mind. I stood up, leaving the others behind me. I could only hear my pulse thundering in my ears and the breath fogging up the air before me. It was soothing in a way. So mundane and such a contrast to everything that had been happening to all of us over the last few weeks out here. It filled me with the hope that soon things would be different.

The hope left me in an instant when someone's fingers closed around my wrist. Bruising it as they wrenched me backwards and slammed my back into the trunk of a tree. My eyes had closed and my entire body was trembling now with the realization that I was all alone now. Just like before, Dike would have no one to answer to and no one to fight against because we were alone. The only noises in the clearing were the whistling of the wind through the tree-tops overhead and the hum of activity as Easy finished digging their foxholes.

"Fancy meeting you out here," Dike muttered, his breath blowing across my frozen face and thawing through the numbness that had settled in my heart. There was something so achingly familiar about the feelings coursing through me now. Hatred for him and terror of what he might do to me. Flashes of Jacobson's eyes and leer appeared in the forefront of my thoughts, filling me with a sense of deja-vu. And just as before, I couldn't stop the whisper of words from flowing out of my mouth.

"What are you doing?" I opened my eyes then, seeing those bright blue eyes considering me. There was something so sickening in those eyes that I fully understood now. I had been in the clutches of this man once and I knew that I didn't want to be here anymore. Still my lips quivered, every nerve in my body was hyper aware of the bulge in his pants pressed against my thigh and the tight hold he still had on my wrists. I had to wonder if he'd been planning this since the first time we'd met when Dick was introducing Dike to the company so many weeks ago.

He leaned closer, his hot breath fanning against my bare neck. I shuddered even as the anger pulsed white-hot through my veins. I could feel it like a second skin spreading across my body. My fingers tingled with it and I raised my eyes to his own, glaring at him. Hating him more than I had ever hated anyone in my life. His fingers skimmed along the surface of my uniform from my wrists, finally settling on either side of my neck. He leaned forward, the heat from his lips vibrating just over my cold, frozen skin.

"Oh, Becca, we both know you're not as naïve as that," he whispered, his words flowing like silk from his twisted lips. I looked down at him, feeling the thumping of my pulse against the side of my neck. I closed my eyes in terrified trepidation, my fingers curling in on themselves as I wished for anything to save me from this vile man. This time, Ron did not come to save me. There was nothing but the silence to comfort me now as he pressed his lips to my skin. His arms tightened around my waist as he pressed himself from lips to toes against my body. His hands and mouth were everywhere all at once. I allowed myself a single moment in which I despaired about my situation before at least I opened my eyes and saw the world through a different perspective. I'd been through so many things since I'd been shoved backwards through time. And through a hell of a lot more than I'd ever dreamed I would. I was strong and capable, I'd proven that to myself over these last couple of months. Anger and hatred toward the man in front of me rose to the surface, making my blood boil and my soul to fill with a sense of vengeance. He would not take advantage of me, not this time. I didn't need anyone to push him away for me, not when I could do it myself without any trouble. Throwing all my strength into my arms, I shoved him away from me at the same time placing my knee into the straining erection below his belt. He cried out, clutching himself as he fell hopelessly to the ground. Running away from him, I couldn't believe I'd actually done it. A giggle forced its way past my lips. That's when everything came back to me with frightening clarity.

The fog that had captured my mind disappeared and I was able to think and feel and see the forest around me for the first time in a week. The giggles stopped abruptly but the feeling of weightless happiness did not. I twirled around, trying to keep a hold on that giddy high I'd worked myself into. Then like a rubber band snapping back into place, it was gone. Why should I be laughing about finally taking care of myself when Easy had lost someone at the core of its creation? What was wrong with me?

I shook my head, feeling that tears should be rising to my eyes. I almost wished they would. Maybe that would get rid of the aching, intense block of ice that had surrounded my heart as of late. But they didn't fall. All I could muster was a resigned sigh. Turning around, I headed back towards Easy, not knowing that very soon my life was going to change for the worst.

**January 3, 1945**

We'd been walking for what seemed like hours to get to our old position over-looking the town of Foy. Snow was falling down all around us and was settling in a thick blanket beneath our feet. Upturned dirt and the shattered trees surrounding us got our attention. I paused, Babe moving on without me. Something about this place filled me with the utmost dread. If 1st Battalion had been taking all this, what the hell were we in for? I shuddered to think. My mouth went dry and my pulse pounded with the beat of a war drum against my neck. I forgot about Babe, I forgot about everyone. I closed my eyes, feeling the fear and the ensuing sorrow cover my skin in a cold sheen of sweat. Babe's hand closed around my own and pulled me forward.

"Come on, Smalls, we ain't got no time for lolly gagging," he muttered in my ear, holding my hand with one of his and his rifle with the other. I followed him, my entire body taut with hesitation and want for release from the hellish chaos that my mind had become.

"Babe, something bad is going to happen here," I wanted to say, but my mouth would not work. Trying desperately to form the words that might have saved more than a few lives, Babe led me on to a foxhole that hadn't been taken yet. It wasn't too far away from Bill's hole. I could see the top of his helmet and the facial hair that had gathered along his jawline. In that moment, trying to catch his gaze, I realized just how much I missed him. Babe was my friend too, but Bill was something entirely different. Giving up, I let go of Babe's hand.

"I'll go get us some branches," I muttered, turning around before he had the chance to reply. I could feel his blue eyes following me until I'd disappeared into the forest. Hugging my arms around my chest, I couldn't help but feel sickened with the idea that Bill had been avoiding me for the past week. Ever since I'd come back from Bastogne. The night I'd found out that Britney was pregnant. It still filled me with a kind of dread that with the birth of that child, there would be no hope for me to be with him ever again. I had to wonder how incredibly messed up I was to want to be with Bill and yet want Ron at the same time. I knew that I was a disgusting person who was only using Bill. But I had to believe that if I loved him enough, I could be happy with him instead of Ron. He eased the loneliness and the bitter despair that clung to my soul if only for a few moments. Was it wrong to want that? Was it too selfish?

"Thinkin' about him again ain't ya?" Bill's voice suddenly filled my ears. I whirled around, not able to keep the joy that sang through my heart at the sight of him really looking at me. It faded as quickly when I saw the angry glint in his eyes and the frozen set of his shoulders. He looked ready to attack, ready for a fight.

"I-I was thinking about you actually," I muttered, blushing and looking at the ground. I decided to leave out the part about remembering the painful details of what had happened before on Christmas. It was time for me to face facts and accept that Ron was never coming back into my life. Never.

"Yeah?" Bill asked, his tone telling me all too well that he didn't believe me, "Well I was just wondering about something. You've been in an awful mood ever since you came back from Bastogne on Christmas. Anything you want to tell me about that? Oh, and while we're at it, maybe you could tell me how you had the gall to fuck Speirs while I was in the God damn hospital!" He was livid by the time his mouth stopped working. His chest was heaving from the amount of restraint he was putting on himself by not jumping forward and strangling me where I stood. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't form the thoughts necessary for answering him.

"I-Where did you hear that? Who told you?" I said, not able to deny his accusations. The ice was melting. I could feel it. My soul was tearing itself apart, my heart breaking at the realization that I had hurt him beyond repair. Shock crossed his face followed shortly by fury. This time, he did not hold back. This time, he walked forward and backed me up against a tree by the sheer force of his anger.

"So you did fuck him?" he asked, his voice unlevel and barely controlled. His dark eyes were flashing with a furious light that terrified me. I looked up at him, knowing in my heart that I was about to ruin everything.

"Yes," I whispered, so softly I almost couldn't hear it. I knew he could when he pushed away from me and began to return back to Easy, "Wait, Bill, you don't know the things he said to me. I was-I was leaving. Thinking about you, it hurt so badly. I knew I'd betrayed you. So I was going to leave and when he found out what I was doing, it didn't matter anymore anyway. All he ever wanted me for was a quick screw. It was never anything more, Bill, please believe me." Bill had frozen on the periphery of the trees. He turned back now, his face a carefully constructed mask that revealed nothing of his inner thoughts.

"I'm glad that he used you, Becca. It's all you've ever done to me," he said before pushing away from me once again. Panic seized me and I grabbed his arm, unable to let him leave without telling him exactly how I felt.

"Bill, I love you. I realize that now. He's going to get married to Britney and that will be the end of it. Please don't walk away from me not knowing that I love you."

"You _love _me?" he asked, tone incredulous and filled with fiery anger, "You don't love me. _I _love you, Becca. All I've ever done is try and show you that I love you and want to be with you. And here you go off and play whore to him while you push me away. You deserve everything he did and said to you in that room. It woulda been a hell of a lot worse if I'd had something to do with it." He pushed me away, this time slipping away so quickly that I didn't have a chance to do anything else. I watched him go, feeling a piece of my heart break off and float into the oblivion of my insides. What had I done?

I closed my eyes, trying to reconstruct the shattered remains of my numb indifference. But it was irreparable. I shook my head, knowing that it would never come back. Despair shook through me but I'd come out here for a reason. Babe and I needed branches to fix our foxhole. But as soon as my fingers had closed around the first branch, the artillery bombardment began. Shells shrieked overhead. Trees burst with the force of the mortars hitting them. Fear spiked through my heart and I ran back to our hole. Babe was already hunkered down, his helmet skewed slightly on his head. I jumped in next to him, snuggling up against his side. He leaned over, his lips as close to my ears as they would go.

"You're horrible at collecting tree branches," he yelled. I could barely hear him. I could smell the promise of death and bloodshed in the air. I hugged my legs to my chest, trying to think of anything else but being here. I couldn't hear myself think. I shut my eyes as tightly as they would go. Dirt, snow, and bits of trees landed on our bodies with every shall that landed near us. The Germans had us zeroed. Of that much I was sure. They'd only been waiting for us to reoccupy this position. They'd been watching and waiting as patiently as they could.

And as suddenly as it had started, the shells stopped flying through the air. Dirt and snow settled again on the ground and Lipton ran around, telling everyone to stay in their foxholes. Poking my head over the side of our foxhole, I saw a few men who hadn't managed to find a foxhole yet and had been damn lucky no shells had found them lying helpless and exposed on the forest floor. Lipton helped them up, pushing them toward a foxhole before running off again. I turned my head, seeing Bill and Malarkey looking around too. I avoided his gaze as his hard, glinting eyes landed on me. Babe propped up on his elbow beside me. Faintly, I could hear Malarkey asking if we should check to see if anyone was hit.

"Nah, Malark, that's what they want. They'll try to draw us out in the open," Bill replied. I could tell he was still furious over what I'd admitted to him. I could only hope that someday, he could forgive me. The silence continued to fill our ears before the distance sounds of someone caught our attention. Malarkey and I glanced at each other, both our faces a mask of surprise and confusion.

"_I gotta get up," _the voice called. I recognized the voice, but I couldn't place it. Not yet, not when my mind was still whirling.

"That Joe?" Bill asked, hesitance written all over his face.

"Yeah," Don said, nodding his head, "I think that's Joe." In horror, I watched the determined resolve pass across Bill's face. In numbed shock, I watched him jump out of his foxhole and run off toward the source of Joe's voice. That cold dread that had filled me earlier made my stomach contract wildly with fear.

"Bill!" I screamed, jumping out of our hole after him before I'd even really thought about what I was doing.

"Becca!" Babe and Malarkey shouted after me. But I was too far gone to hear them. A moment later, I found myself all alone searching for Bill and Toye. I could see and hear nothing but my own pulse pounding none so gently in my eardrums. So, when the shells rained down a second later, I didn't hear them. Not until they were riding down my back. A shell landed two feet away from me. I watched the orange-yellow color explode from the point of impact. It blew upwards, reaching me within a matter of seconds. I did not feel fear. At least not for myself. I knew that somewhere very close by, Bill and Joe were suffering. I could feel their pain flow through me. And as I was thrown to the ground in a myriad of pain and greedy darkness, I knew then why I'd been so terrified of this place. This was my end and I'd been too numb to feel its upcoming onslaught.

**So what did you guys think? Personally, this is one of top five favorite chapters from this story, which is saying a lot. A HUGE thank you goes out to captain ty, who was kind enough to let me use some of the particularly nasty things that Bill said to Becca in this chapter. And thank you to everyone who's been reviewing. I feel awful not naming you all individually, but I hope you'll forgive me and tell me what you think of this chapter. I'll be sure to mention you all in the next chapter which should be up next Friday. I know it's a terribly long wait, but I am trying to space them out a bit so it's a longer period to the end of the story. **

**If any of you have been checking out my profile lately, you'll notice that once again, I've changed my new story. This time, I think I'm going to stick with it. I mean, I really think that I will. I won't tell you what it's about or who the love interest will be. You'll have to check my profile this coming Sunday for that amazing piece of information. :D**

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men on which this fic is based. I only own my OCs and the original plot of this story. **


	36. One Life to Live

_We got one life to live_

_One love to give_

_One chance to keep from falling_

_One heart to break_

_One soul to take us_

_Not forsake us_

_Only one_

"_Only One" by Alex Band_

**Bill's POV**

**January 4, 1945**

I awoke with frightening, painful clarity to the screams that were all too familiar. Blinking through the haze that my mind had become, I tried to remember how I'd gotten here in the hospital once again. Screwing my eyes shut, it all came flooding back in bits and pieces.

With utter horror and shock, I glanced down at the stump that had my leg had been reduced to. I could see they'd had to amputate it. I fell back against the thin pillows shielding my head from the hard springs of the mattress beneath me. I still couldn't believe I'd lost my leg. Something else was nagging at me, waiting to be acknowledged at the very edge of my conscious thoughts.

Turning my eyes round and round the room, I noticed that laying in the bed next to me was Joe. I looked down at his pale, relaxed features and felt the urge to cry. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd wanted to cry. But in that moment, knowing what we'd both lost, I couldn't help but want to. That's when the whisper of a name brought with it another round of emotional turmoil that I was not ready to deal with right now.

_Becca. _I could remember the way she'd looked at me as I demanded to know what had happened between her and Speirs. I knew now and nothing I could do would erase the anger or the hurt from my mind at the thought of what they had done together. It was sickening. But beneath all the hurt and all the angry disbelief, I couldn't believe that after everything I'd done she still hadn't completely let go of him. It hurt. So badly that I didn't know what to think. I wanted her. Even now I wanted her so much it made my chest throb with heated desire. The broken shards of the man she'd once known was lying here in this bed. But it didn't change the way I felt about her. I hadn't been broken enough to realize that more than anything I wanted to make it up to her.

"_You _love_ me?" I asked, tone incredulous and filled with fiery anger, "You don't love me. _I_ love you, Becca. All I've ever done is try and show you that I love you and want to be with you. And here you go off and play whore to him while you push me away. You deserve everything he did and said to you in that room. It woulda been a hell of a lot worse if I'd had something to do with it." _

I flinched, feeling in my heart that she would never forgive me for the things I'd said to her. It was true, she'd wounded me badly, but I'd had no right to say that to her. Of course I didn't think she deserved the way he'd treated her. I realized then that tears had sprung to my eyes. Glancing toward Joe, I wiped them away as quickly as I could.

"Fucking Christ!" I muttered, settling back against my pillows with my eyes turned toward the ceiling. No more tears leaked from their corners, but I could feel them pressing tightly against the backs of my eyes. I wondered what Becca was doing now. How the boys were doing. If the Devil had finally given Dike his due. I laughed groggily at that as my eyes slipped closed. Until a gut-wrenching scream filled my ears and I bolted upright in the uncomfortable bed. Light flooded my eyes again and my mind turned in a chaotic tornado of fear. I could hear Roe's voice, yelling desperately over the sound of the screams. And one name stuck through my heart with the force of a bullet.

"Becca, stay awake for me!" Panic seized me. My heart began to pump erratically and my throat closed in around itself. I tried to wipe the storm of emotions that were running through my bloodstream to yell out to Roe.

"Doc that you?" I shouted, my voice so hoarse it didn't sound like me at all. Silence was the only thing that greeted me for a few minutes. I realized we weren't alone in the hospital. I could hear it now. The nurses rotating through the beds upon beds of wounded men that were in here. Major Winters' face suddenly appeared around the side of the curtain separating Joe and I from the rest of the room.

"What the hell's going on? What's happened to her?" I demanded of him. All I could think of was the fact that she could be out there dying and the last thing I'd said to her...

"Bill, calm down. We're doing everything we can."

"Everything you can? Don't use that bullshit on me. I know what that really means." Someone cleared their throat behind Winters. He turned, the curtain going with him and revealing a petite brunette nurse with a disgruntled look on her face as she stared between the two of us.

"You're scheduled to be leaving now. I was coming to make sure that you're ready to go," she said. Something about the way she looked at me set me off.

"I sure as hell am not ready to leave. The love of my life could be dying and you want to ship me off? Get me out of this Goddamn bed!" I yelled, breath coming in labored gasps as I tried to find a way to get out of my bed without hurting myself even more. Winters' face swam out of view as white invaded my vision. A sharp pain in my arm made me close my eyes. I struggled for a few moments, but the weight of exhaustion was suddenly upon my shoulders. Pushing me farther and farther down into the depths of unconscious oblivion. I knew what had happened. They'd drugged me, the bastards, so that they could take me away quietly. I took one last breath, imagining myself taking Becca's face in both of my hands and pressing my lips firmly to her forehead. I imagined what I would say to her if I had just one last chance to make her see just how much I regretted what I'd said to her.

_I'll always love you, Becca. I'm sorry for the things I said to you. Please pull out of this. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if the last memory you had of me was me saying all those hurtful things to you._

**Becca's POV**

Pain, white-hot and angry, shot through me in wave upon wave of pure torture. Screams, scorching the air, filled my ears and I had the urge to tell whoever it was to shut the hell up. Until I realized that it was me. My throat burned and twisted into knots as screech after screech tore past my lips. I flailed my arms in the darkness, trying and failing to find anything tangible to grab onto. Exhaustion ripped at my mind and body relentlessly. Finally, I had no choice but to succumb to the numbing blackness tugging me back into its unending embrace.

The last thing I heard before all sound vanished completely were the words, "Becca, stay awake for me."

_The smell of gas filled my nostrils and made my eyes heavy with sleep that was tugging me listlessly toward a white light above me. Hands were all over me. On my carotid artery, on my mouth, on my chest. I tried to open my eyes. But there was something so heavy and so dark upon my closed lids that I found I could not. My hearing came back to me. In snatches like trying to tune a radio station. _

"_...knocked unconscious by all the gas."_

"_Not much time..." Sirens, wailing in my ears, filled every corner of my mind with a dark sense of foreboding. I felt torn. Every inch of my body was being ripped apart by some unseen source. It was almost like I was in two places at once. _

"God damnit!" a familiar Cajun accent filled my ears. I opened my eyes, light flooding my vision. I snapped them shut as I groaned in pain and turned my face toward the sound of his voice.

"Gene?" I whispered, my lips hard and immovable as a solid lead tablet. My fingers gripped something tightly. It was warm and was clinging to me desperately.

"Becca, please don't die on me. You can do this. You survived the Germans capturing you. Don't leave us. Think of all the guys depending on you." The very breath of the Grim Reaper seemed to skim along the back of my neck. I still couldn't find the strength to open my eyes. Gene's voice, the light behind my closed lids, and the breath wheezing sharply past my lips was fading fast. The smell of gas filled my lungs and I knew that I was back in that place.

_Something about that smell filled me with a shocking moment of remembrance. I could recall the smell of the toxic fumes as I sucked in breath after breath, unknowing that I was approaching the precipice of death. The fire alarm was a distant, flickering sound in the back of my subconscious awareness. All that mattered was the soft and husky voice calling me through the dimensions of time separating our bodies. That voice stroked things low in my body and brought about the images of our limbs entwining in the endless dance of a man and a woman in the quiet confines of their bedroom. _

"_Don't you trust me?" Ron asked me, his voice hesitant as he called out to me to join him in the past. I knew now that there had never been any question of me accepting. I belonged in the past. I had found a place there that made me feel loved and welcomed and appreciated. Nothing in the world compared to that feeling and I knew that I would have traded anything to keep it. _

A sharp stab of pain awoke me yet again. I could feel the blood draining slowly but surely from my body. I could almost hear the droplets as they fell like precious rubies onto the stark white sheets beneath my body. I bit my lip, my fingers tightening on the sides of the bed once again. Two sets of hands closed around my face, holding me as tightly as they could. I wanted to open my eyes, could almost feel my body mustering up the strength before I collapsed again upon the bed. Helpless and exhausted, I relaxed my arms and melted into the touch of the hands holding my face. The pads of the fingers were worn and calloused. The friction it caused a whirlwind of emotions to rise within my chest. Relief and happiness battled with guilt and despair. I couldn't understand why I felt like that. I knew I was losing consciousness again when I felt the ghost of Bill's lips skim against my forehead.

_I'll always love you, Becca. I'm sorry for the things I said to you. Please pull out of this. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if the last memory you had of me was me saying all those hurtful things to you. _

The voice was snuffed out like the tip of a candle. And I was plunged into a world of never-ending darkness that promised me peace and rest for all eternity.

**Ron's POV**

I could feel that something was wrong and as I threw an anxious glance over my shoulder, I could see that a runner was talking to Dog's company commander. I bit my lip, adjusting my rifle so that it wasn't jabbing me in the side. Turning back around, I watched the Krauts scrambling around like rats to get ready for their next artillery attack. It made me sick, remembering what they'd done to Becca. What so many of them were capable of. An uncontainable fury filled me, making me throb with the desire to kill every one of them.

"Uh, Speirs, got an order from Winters here. Says he needs you at the hospital in Bastogne pronto," my CO's voice filled my ears. I twisted my head to look up at him. There was a curiosity in his eyes that I didn't stop to consider as I nodded and climbed out of my foxhole. I moved past him, scrambling into the front seat of the jeep that stood idle waiting for me. I couldn't imagine why Dick needed me in Bastogne, but I knew I had to go. And the nagging feeling that something was terribly wrong filled me to the core of my soul.

It didn't take long getting to Bastogne. I realized I hadn't been here since Christmas Day. Not that I'd wanted to. Avoiding Britney seemed like the best decision I could make. Remembering the way Becca had looked at me that day. It made chills skitter up and down my spine. It was like she'd seen right through me. That was terrifying. I couldn't stop feeling like Britney had broken her completely with telling Becca that she was pregnant. I shut my eyes, trying to think of anything but that. Imagining the pain she must be going through because of me was nearly unbearable. I was so sick of this. Staying away from her and pretending that I was actually going to give into Britney. But what else could I do? I was trapped, stuck in a loveless relationship because of the baby growing in her womb. My heart swelled at that thought. Somewhere deep down, I knew I'd always wanted to be a father. Even if that woman was the mother, I was going to be a dad. I had a moment to wonder if it would be a girl or a boy before the jeep came to a jolting stop beneath me.

"Thanks," I said, slipping out of my seat and planting my feet firmly on the ground.

"Hey, no problem," the driver replied, giving me a short smile before driving off again. I turned around, preparing to head inside. Dick was walking toward me, blood covering his hands and his face as deathly pale as the snow beneath our feet. Fear and dread roiled within my stomach, turning my world on its axis. Acid rose in my throat, making it impossible to breath, talk, or think.

"Ron," he began, holding his hands up in the common gesture of defense, "We've tried everything. We couldn't-I couldn't help her. I wanted you to get to say goodbye before..." His voice trailed away, his glacial eyes sparking with remorse and sorrow.

"Dick, what are you talking about? Who is it that's hurt?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper. I knew who it was. I wasn't really looking for an answer. I couldn't form a coherent thought much less push it past my lips into the air between us. My knees were shaking, my legs threatening to give out at any moment. A choked sob bubbled up my throat.

"It's Becca. She took a mortar hit, Ron. I don't know how much time she has left." I pushed past him, impatient and thankfully numb. She couldn't be dying. He was just worried. There had to be something to save her. There just had to be. Shoving my way through the drove of wounded soldiers, I found her lying still and pale on a bed in the very back of the building. I looked down at her, at the blood spreading outward in a dark pool to stain her skin and the white sheets beneath her. I could feel someone else's presence. I could feel the questions burning in his eyes. I looked up at him, taking in his face and the sorrow inside his dark brown eyes.

"Could I have-have a few minutes alone with her?" I whispered, taking her cold hand in my own. Electric jolts shot up my arm and charged through my entire body. It melted away the numbness. I could feel the death clinging to her, desperate to take her into its lifeless embrace. I would never be able to describe the terror that gripped me then.

"Becca, please," I pleaded, knowing that I would do anything to keep her with me, "Becca, please remember all the people who are waiting for you to wake up. Think of-of Bill. Think of Dick and Nixon. Please, baby." The backs of my eyes began to burn, my breath lodging in my chest and making it impossible to breathe. Her skin had warmed in my touch. I reached up to touch her cheek, cupping it like it was the most delicate flower in the world. Desperate desire took me, shook me with its freezing intrusion in my mind. I leaned forward, pressing my lips to hers. They were cold for a moment before the first sparks of life I'd felt warmed her mouth to my own. I pulled away, looking down at her and cupping her face in my hands. I watched her eyes flicker, not daring to hope that she was trying to fight against the blackness threatening to steal her away.

"R-ron?" she muttered. Her voice was so weak, so shaky that I wondered if I'd imagined it. But then her eyelids cracked open. Her bright blue eyes stared up into my own as if she was trying to convince herself that I was real. I let out the breath I'd been holding, my forehead falling into the crook of her shoulder.

"It's me, baby. God, I thought I'd lost you," I whispered against her. I clung to her in a way I never had before. Desperation pooled in my blood and I knew then that I had been waiting and watching for death to finally pull her away from me forever. I couldn't believe that she'd come back.

"I heard your voice and I couldn't...I couldn't leave you. I love you too much," she whispered, her fingers wrapping weakly into my hair so that she could keep me close. I could feel the tears that were dripping from her eyes and falling onto my fingers. I leaned backwards, wiping the tears from her face.

"Don't cry, Becca. I love you. I'm sorry for all the things I've done to you. God, I'm so sorry," I whispered, hugging her fiercely to my chest. Joy swelled within my chest, filling me with the most profound and weightless feeling in the world. She held onto me just as tightly, her chest heaving as she continued to sob into my shoulder. Her tears stained the color of my uniform, but I couldn't have cared less. She was here. Alive and talking.

Then, a hand on my shoulder broken the moment between us. Wrenching me away from the woman in my arms, Britney's livid face filled my vision. Her cheeks were flushed with her anger and her brown eyes were flashing dangerously. I stood up, glaring at her.

"What the hell do you want?" I demanded, grabbing her wrist and squeezing it as tightly as I could. I could see her wince of pain, but she recovered quickly, pulling her wrist away and slapping me hard across the cheek. The resulting pain was nothing to the hatred and anger boiling within my stomach and chest. Liquid heat pooled in my veins, making me hyperactive of everything in the small enclosed space. Britney had torn back the curtain, displaying our fight to the entirety of the hospital. I could feel the questioning, curious, gazes of the nurses and doctors and wounded soldiers milling around us.

"Well, I'm wondering why you are back here with that little bitch when _I'm _the one whose pregnant with _your _baby. When _I'm _the one you're marrying," Britney said, her voice so soft that I had to lean forward to hear what she'd said. I stared at her for a long, hard moment. I made her believe that she'd won this round. I leaned toward her, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. I felt the blush that was suddenly creeping along her cheeks. I pulled back, staring into her eyes and showing her all the hate and fury I held for her.

"You may think you've got me cornered. But you have no idea who you're dealing with. Leave me alone with her unless you want to see your whole life ruined. Don't think I won't do it," I told her, smiling at her before turning away and yanking the curtain back around us. I closed my eyes, trying to reel in my anger before opening them again and glancing in Becca's direction. I saw, with some relief, that she was laying back against her pillows. The steady rise and fall of her chest made my heart swell with love. I reached forward, drawing a few escaped hairs back behind her ears. Pressing my lips lightly against her mouth, I moved away from her, knowing that it would probably be better for both of us if she got some well-needed rest.

**Becca's POV**

_Warmth and love surrounded me, pulling me away from the darkness that was pushing on my body from every direction. I realized how simple it would be to accept that darkness. To collapse under the enormous weight of it and let it pull me to a place where there was no more death and no more sorrow. I wanted to so much, but something kept pulling me back. A voice. A voice so worried and frazzled that I couldn't help but listen to it. _

"_Becca, please. Becca, please remember all the people who are waiting for you to wake up. Think of-of Bill. Think of Dick and Nixon. Please, baby." I knew that voice, knew it like the back of my own hand. I struggled to open my eyes, the eyelids fluttering softly before stilling once again. Warmth settled on my cheek, brushing the length of my cheekbone in a tender stroke. I could feel my body being pulled backwards, back toward the light of day and love and life. That was where I belonged, not in the place of lost souls. It was not my time to die. Not yet. A moment later, I felt something as soft and fleeting as a butterfly's kiss on my lips. My skin tingled, sparked with new found life. I struggled even harder to open my eyes, to fight against the darkness pressing down around me. _

"_R-ron?" I whispered, my voice so weak that I almost didn't recognize it as my own. His name felt so right against the curve of my lips. I knew it was him as his fingers tightened against my cheek. I clung desperately to that feeling, pushing the last remnants of death from my body. I cracked open my eyes, my vision swirling for a moment before Ron's face appeared with heart-breaking clarity only a few inches above me. I stared at him a moment, trying to remember how to breathe and trying to convince myself that this was actually happening. _

"_It's me, baby. God, I thought I'd lost you." My pulse thumped wildly in my chest as he slumped above me. His face fell into the crook of my shoulder, his fingers never moving from their place on my cheek. He clung to me almost desperately. His entire body was shaking against mine. I realized then that he'd thought I was leaving him. He'd thought I'd given up. _

"_I heard your voice and I couldn't...I couldn't leave you. I love you too much," I whispered, my hands bunching into the soft curls of his hair. Tears formed in my eyes, the drops of sorrow falling like strewn leaves in autumn onto his fingers which were still curved around my cheek. He leaned away from me, his face swimming through the shimmery liquid in my eyes. He wiped away my tears, smiling down at me with so much happiness on his face that it was almost too much to bear. All this time of believing that he wanted nothing to do with me and now he was here comforting me. It was impossible, yet I had no other choice but to believe it. _

"_Don't cry, Becca. I love you. I'm sorry for all the things I've done to you. God, I'm so sorry,"_ _ he whispered against my skin, hugging me closer to his chest. I felt the joy rising within me and held on tightly to him. I knew these few stolen moments would no last forever. I knew that with Britney around, we would never be together like this without being interrupted. I felt selfish but I was glad for this time with him. My desire for him pushed all thought from my mind. I leaned forward, my lips hovering over the skin of his neck when he was yanked away from me. The sudden movement shot adrenaline through my system, a dangerous thing when I'd only gotten back from the brink of death a few minutes ago. I inhaled a sharp gasp of air before my eyes rolled into the back of my head and I passed out. My mind was filled with a blank darkness in which nothing existed but two voices. Muttering angrily amongst themselves. _

"_What the hell do you want?" the man's voice asked. I knew who that was. I could feel the knowledge prickling across my skin and making the heat pool inside my veins._

"_Well, I'm wondering why you are back here with that little bitch when _I'm_ the one whose pregnant with _your _baby. When _I'm_ the one you're marrying." I knew that voice too. Hatred convulsed through my body. I could hear the wickedness in her voice. The evil plots that were forming in her head. In all the same moment, I felt jealous of her. She was having the man's baby. I would never have that opportunity. With that thought, tears and despair filled my mind. Drowning out the man's reply. I knew it wasn't important. All that mattered was he was going back to her and their unborn child. I would weep in silence, neither of them aware that I would have rather killed myself than watch him happy with the woman who filled me with so much hatred and anger. _

**January 9, 1945**

A hand on my shoulder had me jolting awake with a start. For a moment, I couldn't remember where I was. Blinking the sleep from my eyes, stark white sheets and walls filled my vision. The hospital. I was still there. Looking over my shoulder at the man who'd woken me, I found Babe staring down at me with a goofy smirk on his face.

"Thought you'd never wake up," he said in a voice that made my heart and gut clench in worry and pain. My heart began to pound in my chest. It had been five-no six days since I'd told Bill what had happened between Ron and me. Had that time been a help or a hindrance in his feelings for me? I shivered at the thought that it had pushed us farther apart. But I could remember the soft caress of someone's fingers on my own in the dead of night. I could still feel the ghost of warm lips pressed against my own and then a whispered, _"I love you" _that still hung in the air. Who had that been if not Bill? The dream I'd had of Ron saving me from the brinks of death...it had been just that, a dream. I couldn't believe after everything the two of us had gone through, after all the things he'd said to me, that he would save me like that. I shook my head, trying to clear it and realized that Babe was talking to me again.

"Rebecca, look at me," he muttered, his freezing fingers closing around my cheek and forcing me to look at him. I stared up into his pale blue eyes and tried to find the courage to smile. In spite of all the things whirling around in my brain, I did have one thing to be thankful for. I was still alive. No matter how much I'd tried to convince myself in the contrary, life was always the better choice. This way, I had a chance of repairing things. With Ron, with Bill. I had to believe that I had a chance at that. However small.

"Come on, I'm busting you outta here," Babe said, his hand snaking around my own and pulling me to my feet. I'd been walking around a bit for the past three days. I'd been able to do a couple rounds of the hospital, checking on any Easy guys there and trying to avoid Britney. I could see that she was seething about something, her anger at me licking at my skin from afar. I shuddered, thinking about it. And as Babe steadied me with a hand on my shoulder, I knew I would have followed him out of this hospital even if I hadn't been up to it. I was ready to get the hell out of here. The screams of pain and horror that had filled my ears every night had prevented me from sleeping much. It was better in the day time, but I couldn't really remember the last time I'd had a good night's sleep. Shrugging my shoulders, I bent to pick up my bag only to have it much closer than I'd thought. Not to mention the curl of the fingers on the strap was so familiar. It sent a pang through my heart and I knew even as I lifted my eyes to his own that it was Ron. There was a soft, simple smile curving the corners of his lips upward. His dark eyes were filled with something that clenched things low in my body and made heated desire pool beneath my skin.

"Afternoon, sir," Babe said, saluting Ron without letting go of my arm. Ron's eyes slipped past mine to acknowledge Babe. He nodded once, his eyes hardening slightly for a reason I could not comprehend.

"Heffron," he said. His voice had me wishing with all my might that I could touch him. Just one time. Just one simple brush of his bare skin across mine. But I knew it wasn't to be as he slid the strap of my bag over my shoulder without touching me. He met my eyes for a lingering moment after that before he turned around without so much as a word. I watched him go, shaking my head at him.

"What the hell was that all about?" Babe asked as he led me toward the front of the hospital. I shrugged my shoulders, not really wanting to focus on what had just happened.

"No idea," I muttered, snaking a hand through the curls bunching at my shoulders. I hadn't had a shower in God knew how long. I was sick of wearing the same uniform and I'm sure I smelled as badly as the men, but I also knew that it didn't matter. Not one bit. Somewhere since D-Day, I'd gotten used to it. So used to it that I didn't even really think about it anymore, "So, hey, why exactly are you busting me out of the hospital, Babe?"

"Jesus, I'd forgotten you've been holed up in that place for almost a week. We're moving out. We attacked Foy this mornin'. Now Battalion wants us to move off somewhere else and fight some more. I swear to God, General Taylor's just doing it to stretch his ego."

"You guys took Foy? How the hell was that possible with Dike running the show?"

"Oh, well I'd be happy to tell you the story," Babe grinned, his fingers flexing slightly in excitement around my hand. He lugged me forward, helping me into the back seat of the jeep and then taking the seat beside me. He waved the driver forward before he turned to me with that gleam in his blue eyes.

"So we was all running down the hill and all of a sudden Dike fuckin' tells us all to stop because he can't see Lieutenant Foley with First Platoon. So we're all wondering what the hell this guy is doing. Long story short, he's getting a lot of guys killed so Winters tells Speirs to take over. He does and well the rest you know. The guy was amazing," Babe finished, stopping and looking at me to gauge my reaction. I sat there in stunned silence. I couldn't breathe or think past the lump in my throat. Gulping down my emotions, I cleared my throat.

"S-so what does that mean for him?" Babe could see something in my eyes that made him take my hand.

"Winters made him Easy Commander," he replied. My mind filled me with numb disbelief before I suddenly found the situation bitterly hilarious. Clutching my sides, I laughed.

"Well I expected a lot of reactions from you. This was not one of them," Babe said, shaking his head with a smile on his face.

"I just think it's ironic that now I've told Bill what went on between us, now Ron's been made Company Commander. Sometimes I have to wonder whether God hates me," I said, voice turned quiet as I watched the trees flash by us. I could feel Babe's hand tighten around mine. I couldn't understand why, but his touch filled me with a kind of horrified dread. As if there was something waiting for me at Easy that I would not like at all, something that would break my heart just a little bit more. Pressing my face into the crook of Babe's shoulder, I tried not to think about anything but the feel of his hand wrapped around mine and the warmth flowing from his body to my own. It was all that would get me through this day. Little did I know that it was about to get so much worse. Babe pulled away from me suddenly. I looked over at him. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were turned down into a frown.

"Babe, what's wrong?"

"Becca, there's something I have to tell you. Before we get back to the guys. You're not gonna like it," he said. He faced me in the seat and I could feel the tension in his body, his unwillingness to tell me whatever it was he had to, "Becca, Bill got his leg blown off the day you were taken to the hospital. He-they took him back to the States. Joe Toye too."

Poisonous despair filled my veins, made my stomach boil. Now I understood why I'd been apprehensive before about going back to Easy. There was nothing to go back to. After all that hoping that things would finally be right between us, Bill was gone. And he'd left hating me for what I'd done to him. Never knowing the regret and pain I'd felt for hurting him so much. Tears welled up in my eyes and I placed my face in my hands, the salty liquid falling into my open palms.

"God damnit, Babe," I whispered, knowing that he could hear me above the wind flying past us. He leaned toward me, wrapping his arms around me. I melted in his embrace, pressing my face to his chest and pouring my heart out to the world. How many more things could happen to me that was worse than this? Bill wasn't just wounded. He was gone forever. Of that I was certain. He wasn't coming back and he would probably get home and find someone to marry and forget all about me. It was so selfish of me to believe that he would wait for me in the States. That he would wait for me to find him and apologize for all the things I'd done to him. I shut my eyes as tightly as they would go, trying to convince myself that all I wanted was him to be happy. I did want that. But he was _my _last chance at happiness. Ron was lost to me. He was having a baby with Britney. There was nothing I could do about that. And I would do nothing about it because I wanted him to be happy. I was sure that he wanted that baby. He would make a good father I thought.

Shaking my head, I realized that there was nothing much I could do about either one of them. I would hold out the hope that maybe, just maybe, Bill would wait for me back home. Just maybe I would still find my happy ending with him. If only he could forgive me and I could forgive myself for all the things I'd done.

**Okay so, I know you guys probably all want to give me a good thrashing, but I do have an excuse. A rather good one at that if I do say so myself. Then again, I'm just trying to make myself feel better for leaving you guys hanging for a month and a half without an update. Basically, I just started college this year and it's honestly been so hectic. I've been trying to figure out my classes and figure out all this stuff and I got lost somewhere in October with the whole updating thing. But...I am going to try my damnedest to start giving you guys weekly updates again. No lie, I feel like I've been a huge failure to you guys. Anyways, for more information about my situation, you can go to my profile. It's all there and I've been updating my story updates more in the past week. So hopefully you won't get too mad at me from now on. **

**Also, another thing, I don't know if anyone has been keeping up with the disaster that was me trying to write another BoB story, but I've started in another category. Harry Potter to be exact and I'm really hoping that some of you guys who are also fans of that category will like the idea I've come up with. It's going to be a bit different than anything I've done before. So I'm really hoping someone will like it lol. **

**Please leave a review if you have the time. I know I've been a bit lax in my reviews for a lot of stories, but I hope you won't sink to my level. Happy reading and I look forward to your thoughts on this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Easy Company. I only own my OCs and the original plot for this fic. **


	37. Be Yourself

_Someone finds salvation in everyone_

_And another only pain_

_Someone tries to hide himself_

_Down inside himself he prays_

_Someone swears his true love_

_Until the end of time_

_Another runs away_

"_Be Yourself" by Audioslave_

**Becca's POV**

**Rechamps, France**

Leaning heavily against Babe's shoulder, I couldn't stop my eyes from finding Ron at once. He was hunched over a stack of paperwork, his hand moving rapidly across the page. I watched the tilt of his head to the side. The pink shade of his tongue as it darted out to swipe a soothing balm across his lips. Most of all, I observed the facial hair that was wrapped in a thin layer all over his face. His hair had grown a few inches since we'd been in Bastogne. And I found that I liked it. I could imagine my fingers running through it as...I shut my eyes with a sense of finality. I wouldn't subject myself to the torture of my fantasies any longer. It was the only way to get through this. It would be difficult, but I was determined to stay away from him. It was for our own good and I couldn't help but feel like I was doing the right thing. Babe leaned backwards and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"Here, just lay on my chest, Becca," he said softly, inching me closer with his fingers. He must have thought I was asleep. I opened my eyes, refusing to look at Ron. Instead, I stared at the man next to me. Just like everyone else there was a relief in his entire body. I knew being in this church must be comforting to the men. My thoughts were too jumpy for me to really find any peace. But it was better than being stuck out in the cold for another night. I shuddered, remembering that only a few weeks ago I'd been wounded. I immediately became aware of my side. It had healed up nicely but there was a huge ivory scar there. The war had marked me, making sure that I would never forget the sacrifices made by these men. Nor the memories that would haunt me forever. Of Bastogne, of Holland, of D-Day. I knew I would never forget it.

"Becca?" Babe whispered, his fingers closing around my wrist. I snapped my head up to look at him. His eyes were filled with concern and I realized I must have been sitting there, unresponsive, for longer than I'd thought. I shook my head, sending him a small smile before scooting closer and placing my head on his chest. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I found that this was nice. Having a friend again who was just a friend. Babe was like the older brother I'd never had. I could feel him pressing his lips to my forehead as he smoothed the hair away from my face. He had become my rock in the chaos of the war surrounding me. I relaxed against him, willing sleep to come and find me. But the thoughts in my brain were shooting around so fast...

"Go to sleep, Becca. Stop thinking so much. You're making my brain hurt," he said. I could hear the exasperated amusement he held for me and I knew then that if I couldn't have Bill and I couldn't have Ron, at least I had one man I could still count on. I wondered when this had happened. How had our friendship suddenly begin to bloom?

"Becca!" Babe hissed. I giggled, my eyes fluttering for a moment while I tried to relax my mind. After a few minutes, all I knew was the dark, dreamless sleep that had escaped me for so long.

**Ron's POV**

I stood up, my hand cramping up from writing so much. If I'd have known it would be this much work becoming Easy's Company Commander, I wouldn't have accepted the offer. I frowned. That wasn't true. No amount of work could have scared me away from Easy. I'd known these men since the beginning. Most of them were good and hard-working. And they'd all, at some point, protected Becca from harm's way. Except in the case of when she'd been captured and as much as I wanted to blame someone, that had been a complete and utter accident.

I stretched, putting on my gear. I couldn't stop my gaze from wandering around the group of soldiers slumped over in the pews in the dimly-lighted convent. I saw Rebecca immediately leaning sound asleep against one of the soldiers. I thought his name was Heffron. He was hard to forget with his red hair and child-like face. I had to wonder if Guarnere had left only to be replaced by this man. I observed him, my frown deepening. I shook my head, my gaze falling instead on Sergeant Lipton. I watched him out of the corner of my vision as he moved his head around, his lips moving with silent words. He paused, glancing over at me and smiling awkwardly as I met his gaze. He glanced away immediately, crossing his arms over his chest and relaxing more firmly against the pew at his back.

"What is it?" I asked him. He shook his head, and muttered something that sounded a lot like, "Nothing." I could see something in his eyes and I had to wonder if he wanted to ask me about the stories and rumors that had circulated about me since the beginning. Only some of which were true. I had killed those POWs on D-Day. I hadn't shot any of the soldiers from my platoon for being drunk. It never came to that. They knew me well enough to realize that if they'd so much as thought about drinking a beer, I would have killed them on the spot for disobeying my direct order. And I had taken that gun out on D-Day nearly all by myself. Yes I could see why someone would be curious about whether the stories were true.

"You wanna ask me don't you?"

"Ask you what, sir?" he said, his voice hesitant and very careful. I could tell that Lipton was a man who didn't want to pry in other people's business. He cared about the men. He'd taken the initiative and as far as I knew, had kept the company together through Bastogne. He'd wanted to protect their lives at whatever cost. That's why he was being promoted and that's why I found myself liking him even though I hadn't known him for very long.

"About the stories. I don't blame you for being curious," I replied, smirking to myself as I grabbed my gun and swung it over my shoulder, "But you ever notice with stories like that that everyone says they heard it from someone who was there? When you ask that person, they say they heard it from someone who was there. It's nothing new really.

"I bet if you went back 2000 years you'd hear a bunch of Centurions standing around yackin' about how Tertius lopped off the heads of some Carthaginian prisoners," I concluded. For a moment, all that met me was silence. Then I heard Lipton shift slightly where he stood. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the smile on his face.

"Well, maybe they kept talking about it because Tertius never denied it."

"Maybe he knew there was some value to the men thinking he was the meanest, toughest son-of-a-bitch in the whole Roman legion." I started walking away, my helmet tucked under my arm and a smirk back in place on my face.

"Sir?" I turned around at the sound of his voice, my eyes finding his in the dim light from the candles all around us. The shadows on his face and under his eyes spoke volumes about the exhaustion and fear we'd lived under for an entire month. I was glad that we were moving out of here if only to see these men under warm roofs with new uniforms on, "These men aren't really concerned about those stories. They're just glad to have you as our C.O. They're happy to have a good leader again."

"From what I heard they've always had one," I said, staring down at the floor for a moment before looking up again to meet his unwavering gaze, "I've been told there's always been one man they could count on. Led them into the Bois Jacques. Held them together when they had the crap shelled out of them in the woods. Every day he kept their spirits up, kept them focused. All the things a good combat leader does." I paused, staring at him as he nodded without really understanding. He was staring at the ground, his eyebrows furrowed in slight concentration.

"You don't have any idea who I'm talking about do you?"

"No, not really sir."

"Hell, it was you First Sergeant," I told him, smiling despite myself, "Ever since Winters made Battalion, you've been leading Easy Company. Oh and you're not gonna be a First Sergeant for much longer, First Sergeant."

"Sir?"

"Winters put in for a battlefield commission for you and Sink approved it. Should get the official nod in a few days. Congratulations, Lieutenant." I sent him one final nod and smile before turning away and heading for the door. There was a room with my name on it waiting for me. It had a bed, sheets. I wanted to turn back and steal Becca away from the soldier that had her wrapped in his embrace. But by the look on her face as she snuggled against his chest, she was more comfortable here than she had been in a month. I grinned at her, desire and love flooding through me in a tidal wave that I was trying strongly to keep at bay until I was alone. Turning around, I continued out the door. The cold air hit my straightaway, stealing all the warmth from my body in one single blow. I tucked the papers I'd been holding under my arm, my legs moving as fast as they could so that I could give these to Winters before going to sleep.

I heaved a sigh as I twisted the frozen doorknob and pushed the door open. Snaking off my boots and shuffling toward the bed by the light of the moon, I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. For the first time since being in Bastogne, I let my guard down. I knew it was because I'd gotten to see Becca again. She was safe and as long as that held true, I could let my guard down every once in a while. When I crawled into bed, however, my hand touched something that was very solid and very warm. Fear swept through me for a moment before I saw reason and reached in my pocket for my zippo. Flicking the light on, my hands trembling in silent trepidation, I growled my frustration into the night.

"What the hell are you doing in my bed, Britney?" I demanded, the urge to grab her and throw her from my room almost overtaking me. But I realized that she was the mother of my child. My baby boy or my baby girl was growing inside her and I would do nothing to jeopardize their life. She rolled over, her brown eyes finding mine groggily. She stretched and I realized she didn't have on any clothes either. Shifting a hand through my hair, I set my lips in a thin line.

"Hey," she said, her voice still soft and breathy from being asleep. I realized that I wouldn't throw her out of my room. No matter how infuriating I found her, she was probably just as tired as the rest of us. She was a good nurse and from what I'd seen of her when I went to the hospital, she never really stopped to get some rest unless someone told her to. No, as irritating as she was, maybe she had some good in her. Too bad I didn't get to see that part of her though. I became aware of her fingers grasping my own in a feather-light embrace, "Come to bed." I shook off her hand as gently as I could.

"No, Britney I can't," I told her before moving across the room to lay down on the couch. I heard the ruffling of sheets, but I didn't look at her. I knew it was what she wanted.

"Why? Because of that bitch? Don't you see, Ron, she's trying to make you hate me so that you'll keep running back to her," Britney wailed suddenly. It made a shiver of anger roll down my spine. I sat up, unable to look away any longer. My eyes stayed firmly planted to her face. The sheets had fallen in a silken lake at her waist.

"Don't talk about her like that. She's twice the woman you'll ever be. And don't believe for one single moment that I'm sticking around for you. It's that baby inside you. I'll take care of it and be the best father I can be. But I refuse to take care of an ungrateful, conniving snake like you," I told her. The silence rang around the room as I turned around and faced away from her. I could feel her eyes on me, but I couldn't have cared less. A moment later my dreams swept me away in a myriad of colors that promised me peace for one night.

**Becca's POV**

**Haguenau, France**

"Jesus Christ, my ass hurts," I grumbled over the roar of the trucks beneath our feet. We'd been sitting on these same seats for what felt like several hours. All the guys looked at me and smiled.

"Well, I'm sure one of us would be more than happy to rub away your aches and pains," Grant said, shooting me a sly wink. I rolled my eyes, letting my forehead fall on Babe's shoulder. He threw his arm around me and was about to get comfortable when a face that we hadn't seen in a long time appeared at the tailgate of the truck. I could see the smiles fall off the guys' faces as they looked at him. I glanced toward him, taking in the sight of his shaved cheeks, spotless uniform, and easy smirk. It made me sick to my stomach looking at him. We hadn't seen a clean uniform in nearly two months not to mention a shower.

"Hey guys, some Lieutenant told me to report to 2nd," he told us, his blue eyes roving over all of us. His eyes told a different story from his smile. I could see what he saw in that moment. We all looked like hell. With the dirt and grime covering our bodies like a second layer of skin, with the bags under our eyes, and with all the weight we'd lost I knew that he must have been surprised at how much we'd changed since Holland. I hadn't been there to see him wounded, but I'd heard about it from the other guys when I'd gotten back from being captured.

"Whose leading the platoon?" Webster asked Jackson who shot me a look for a moment before he jerked his head toward Malarkey, who was standing up beside me.

"Sergeant Malarkey is."

"What, no officers?"

"I guess you didn't hear," Liebgott began, staring down at his hands. I could see the corners of his lips turned up in a momentary grin before he got serious again, "They're making him a Lieutenant. He's on the fast track now." I stifled a giggle by pressing my face into Babe's shoulder. He cleared his throat but I could hear the urge to laugh in his chest too.

"Really?" Webster asked. I could tell by his voice he hadn't caught Lieb's lie, which made it all the more amusing, "That's really great. Here, Jackson, help me up." He threw his bag up onto the bed of the truck which Jackson and Liebgott pulled on so that it wouldn't fall off the back.

"So, you were in the hospital?" Jackson asked him, giving him a critical once-over before glancing in my direction as he waited for his answer. Before he could, Liebgott spoke up.

"You must have liked that hospital. We left Holland four months ago."

"Well, I wasn't there the whole time," Webster began, trying to defend himself, "There was rehabilitation and then the replacement depot..."

"Why didn't you try to bust out and help us in Bastogne, Web?" I shook my head, tucking a tendril of hair behind my air and watching David's face. I couldn't really blame him for wanting to stay as far away from the fighting as he could for as long as he could. I was glad that he was back and that he had missed Bastogne. That made at least one of our number who would not be tainted by the scars left on us from that black time. But I could also understand Liebgott and the other's frustration with him. If we'd had just one more man out there in the Ardennes, would it have saved someone else? Could we have gotten out of there more quickly and with less casualties? Who could ever really answer that question? Beside me, Heffron scoffed. And I knew that he was thinking of some of the same people I was. I wouldn't say his name. It hurt too much to think about it, even now. Even a month later.

"I don't know how I would have done that."

"Well it's funny because Popeye found a way. So did Alley back in Holland," Joe said, turning toward Babe who nodded his head as he flicked his zippo, "And Guarnere-." It shot a shudder of despair down my spine hearing that name again. I closed my eyes, trying to keep my breathing even. Babe's hand closed around my own and I squeezed it as hard as I could without hurting him.

"It's alright, Becca. Just breathe," he whispered in my ear.

"Yeah, where is Guarnere? He still your platoon sergeant?" Suddenly I knew that anger that the other guys felt for Webster. The blaring hatred that he didn't know the suffering we'd gone through and that he would be so stupid to ask where missing members of the platoon had gone.

"He got hit," Jackson said quietly as the truck came rolling to a stop. We all gathered around the tail gate waiting to jump down to the ground. Babe stood up, pulling me with him.

"Yeah, Bill got hit. Blew his whole leg off," he told Webster. I could hear the _"asshole" _left in the air after that simple statement. And despite the sadness inside me, I had to smile. Bill wold have been proud of Babe for telling Web off like that. Babe helped me down and together we followed everyone else toward the center of town.

"Spread out," Malarkey said as he walked behind the platoon, "Hold on this line until I figure out where we're going." He headed across the street where I noticed Ron was talking with some other men. The desire to run toward him and throw my arms around him was overbearing. I started to move toward him and away from Babe until his arm closed around my waist and pulled me to his chest. He covered me with body and it was only then that I heard the screaming of the mortars overhead. Curling my arms under myself, I knew that I had to get a hold of myself soon or else I'd be driven crazy. Babe leaned away from me again and turned me around so that he would look me in the eyes. He held my face in his hands, the look on his face more serious than I'd ever seen before.

"Becca, you've got to pay attention. We're close to the end, can't you feel that? What would Bill do if he knew that you'd gotten killed because you weren't paying attention? What would Speirs do?" he asked me, his voice fiercely protective. I stared at him. This was a side of him I'd never seen and I knew in that moment that he was right. We were close to the end. We all had to watch out for ourselves so that we could make it out of this alive. I had no illusions of false hope that none of us were going to die in the months that we had remaining to fight the Germans, but if we were all careful then the number of casualties would go down. I knew it.

"You're right, I'm sorry, Babe," I whispered, reaching forward and kissing his cheek. I knew he was right. And he'd known exactly which of my buttons to press to get me to take better care of myself. I shook my head, wanting to believe that he was right. That we were close to the war coming to an end. It was a miracle and something that had been formed of the stuff of dreams. If felt like we'd been in Bastogne forever. We'd gone in there still relatively young. We'd all come out scarred and much older, driven by the horrors we'd experienced toward an agony that would never be far from our minds. Yes, I had to believe that what Babe said was true if there was any chance for me to get out of this alive and in one piece.

Stepping under the freezing-cold droplets of rain falling from the shower head, I couldn't help but sigh in relief and joy. I could feel the month's worth of dirt and sweat and blood being rinsed from my body. And I didn't think that I had ever felt so happy before. I scrubbed my body and my hair clean. I almost had the urge to stand under the water for hours, but I knew Dick was waiting to take a shower of his own.

Thankfully, Dick had gotten me my own room next to his. We were sharing a bathroom and he'd let me take my shower first. I had to remember to thank him again for that as I stepped out of the bathroom in the new uniform Babe had snagged for me. The droplets of water were dripping from my hair. I could feel them racing down my neck and into the dark hollows of my back and chest. Smiling happily, I whistled and started down the hallway to go put my stuff away before going to where second platoon had been set up. Passing by Dick's room, I paused to knock on the door. I waited a moment until finally I heard the sound of approaching footsteps. The door opened and a head of flaming red hair met my eyes.

"Hey, you cleaned up nicely," Dick said, sending me a gentle smile. His eyes were underlined with dark shadows that showed just how tired he was.

"Thanks. You should get yourself a shower too," I told him, trying to push him to do something for himself for a change. I knew, even when he was at Battalion, he always kept Easy close to his heart. He'd tried to lessen the blows of the war in Bastogne and I knew he was still doing it now.

"Sure, I've just got some paper-," he started, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him out of his room.

"Dick, please for me. Just go and take a shower. The paperwork will still be there when you get out," I said, grinning up at him. He shook his head with a sigh of exasperation. He nodded his head, taking a few steps toward the bathroom, "Thank you." I watched him until the bathroom door shut with a sense of finality. The sound of someone chuckling behind me had me twisting my body to glance around for the source. Leaning up against the door frame of his room was Nixon. His hair was slicked back and he'd shaved. He smirked at me, his brown eyes sparkling with mischief in the dim light in the hallway.

"You sure do have a way with that guy. Does whatever the hell you tell him to."

"Thanks, Nix," I said, a comfortable silence descending between us. I hadn't realized up until that moment that Nix could have been my friend too. The opportunity just hadn't really presented itself just yet, "Well, I'm gonna head over to second. I'm sure they're rising Cain already."

"What, you didn't hear yet?" Nix's voice stopped me dead in my tracks. There was something in his voice. Something in the way he asked me that question that had dread pooling in every crevice of my soul. I turned back toward him, unable to keep the fear from my face and voice.

"Hear what?"

"Just about all the guys in second are at a briefing for a patrol set for tonight. Dick didn't mention it?"

"No, I've been busy the past few hours and...Jesus Christ, don't they ever let up?" I asked him. It was a rhetorical question and I didn't really expect an answer from the man beside me.

"No, that's war, Becca. No one ever lets up. Not until the other side surrenders or they're all killed." Shudders of fear and anxiety raced up my spine. Well if they were going on the patrol, I was too. They would need a medic just in case something went wrong and I knew Dick believed I could handle myself out there. Without another word, I strode toward the bathroom door and pounded on it. I couldn't hear the water running yet, so he was probably shaving or he'd just gotten a really quick shower. Somehow, I doubted it was the latter.

"Yeah?" his voice echoed through the small tiled room beyond the door.

"Dick, about that patrol..." I said, my voice fading as I tried to figure out what to say, "I-you'll need a medic. Just in case something happens over there. Gene and Spina are tired. Heck we're all tired but I've been recovering for nearly three weeks. I can go." A heavy silence greeted me in reply. After what seemed like a century had passed, Dick came to the door and opened it. His blue eyes observed me carefully for a few drawn out moments.

"You're sure you can handle it?" I nodded, knowing in my heart that I was ready to jump back into the action again. Being wounded had shown me one thing. No matter what you did or didn't do in the war, if the Germans wanted to find you, they would, "Okay then, you can go. I'll tell Ron as soon as I get out of here."

"Thank you," I muttered, more than grateful that he'd listened to me and would let me have this small thing. I knew somehow that I wouldn't be hurt. Still there was something nagging at the back of my mind about the patrol. I just couldn't figure out what yet.

I could almost feel the anxiety that was riding the air as I closed the distance between myself and second platoon. My fingers itched to have them close again. They had become my family. Even more than the other platoons. Simply because Bill had been a part of second and I'd spent the most time with them. I was almost there, my heart was racing in excitement and then it did a 180 flip as someone's fingers closed around my wrist. I tried to turn, tried to see who was dragging me across the street into an abandoned house. But I couldn't. Their grip was too firm for me to move at all. I closed my eyes, relying on my other instincts to tell me who this was. I felt it immediately. A spark on the periphery of my acknowledgment. His masculine, woodsy smell floated from his body and filled my nose. I breathed him in, my body shuddering with trepidation and heated desire. I could feel the heat pooling inside my veins. My pulse became a deafening roar in my ears. And my skin was set ablaze with his touch. As he pushed me ahead of him inside the building, I didn't even take a moment to wonder what he wanted with me. All that mattered was that he was here and we were alone at last. The urge to turn around and throw myself into his arms was nearly unbearable. I stayed where I was. Facing away from him and clenching my hands at my sides. I knew that under all the lies I'd told myself that I wasn't strong enough to suppress my desires for him, I knew that I still wanted him. More than anything else in the world I just wanted him to choose me, to love me. I also knew that it wasn't possible. So when he cleared his throat behind me, I wasn't surprised when what came out of his mouth was something that I did not like at all.

"I just talked to Winters," he started, his voice as silky smooth as I remembered it to be. His words flowed over me and soothed the aches and pains I'd endured from being away from him for so long. I could almost imagine that my dreams from when I'd been wounded were real. I could pretend for a moment that he really had told me that he loved me and that he still wanted to be with me, "Told me you volunteered to go on the patrol tonight." I didn't say anything, feeling in the quaking of my lips and hands that whatever he was about to say would push us even farther apart. I knew that the time had come for me to defend myself, to stand up for myself even in the face of his anger. I was tired of him pushing me away. I was tired of pretending that I wasn't as much in love with him now as I was before.

"Funny, but I thought I was Easy's commander now. And I don't like the idea of you going on that patrol," he said. The world spun on its axis and tilted ever so slightly until it seemed it had rolled off and onto my shoulders. The weight pressing down on me was almost too much for me. I struggled, trying to relieve my heavy burden. A moment more passed me by in silent anticipation, and then it seemed my calm exterior cracked into a thousand shards of glass. It was like three months worth of pain and suffering had suddenly imploded within me and I could not stop the stream of words that shot out of my mouth as I twirled on my heels, finally facing him.

"Oh I see. So you ignore me for three months and the moment I do something you don't like, you decide to throw it in my face?" I demanded of him. I could see the surprise written on his face and something darker and more serious swirling through his blackened eyes. I didn't stop to think what that might mean. I was too worked up, too furious to really think anything, "I'm tired of you treating me like I'm some incompetent little girl. I'm not and I haven't been for a long time. I've spent the last three months pining over you while you and Britney laughed at my expense. I'm glad you two are getting married. You deserve each other!" Pushing past him, I left the room and never looked back. I wanted to, wanted to so badly it throbbed in my chest and filled me with regret and the beginnings of that choking despair I'd become so well acquainted with. I couldn't recall walking through the streets of Haguenau, but suddenly I had thrown myself onto the clean sheets covering my bed. The tears flowed in thick rivulets down my face. I didn't think after all the crying I'd already done over the man that I could shed any more tears. Oh how wrong I had been.

**Okay so first of all, aren't you guys excited that you didn't have to wait a whole month and a half for this chapter? I know I'm excited for you guys lol. I laughed so hard while I was going over this chapter again. I'd almost forgotten how much those guys teased Web when we got back to Easy. OMG! And Nixon – I know someone must have enjoyed him showing up in this chapter. ;)**

**Anyways...thanks so much for all the reviews and favorites and just for reading in general. I can't tell any of you how much I appreciated it given that I dropped you all for so long. But...I'm back now and it's all that matters...that and that you all haven't given up on me. I really appreciate it! Oh! And my new story...well I shouldn't be posting it until the new year(after I've finished up this story) and I'm hoping some of you will follow me over to the Harry Potter fandom. It's really quite nice over there despite the fact that it can sometimes be very difficult finding a good story. :)**

**I'd like to thank the following people for reviewing: EllieMayy, Dean's Leather Jacket, captain ty, AivieEnchanted, BrokenAngel1753, Nemo, BloodUponTheRisers, and EmmyMK. I love you guys so much and if I could send you anything more than a short note at the end of this chapter, then I totally would! **

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Easy Company. I only own my OCs and the original plot for the story that you do not recognize. **


	38. Pieces of Who I Am

_I'm here again_

_A thousand miles away from you_

_A broken mess_

_Just scattered pieces of who I am_

_I tried so hard_

_Thought I could do on this my own_

_I've lost so much along the way_

"_Pieces" by Red_

**Ron's POV**

I ran my hand through my hair, every nerve in my body screaming at me to follow her out that door and make this right. But I knew that wasn't possible. I'd seen the amount of suffering she'd gone through because of me. I could see it right to the bottoms of her deep blue eyes. Her soul was screaming in agony when I'd been so cold and distant with her. I didn't know how else to be. Not now. It wouldn't do either of us any good anyway. I was trapped by Britney and my unborn child. She knew it and I knew it. I could still see the unshed tears in Rebecca's eyes as she stared up at me with that defiant expression on her face.

It would have been endearing had that anger not been pointed at me. My chest began to ache at the reality of our situation. I'd pushed her one too many times and it was clear to me that she didn't remember any of what had happened while she was in that hospital in Bastogne. I closed my eyes, leaning heavily against the door frame. I knew that I was beginning to break under the effort I was putting in to staying away from her. Every cell in my body was screaming for release. Any kind of release. I wanted her so badly but I couldn't have her. Sighing, I opened the door and left the silence of that room. I had paperwork to do before the patrol started tonight. At least I'd have something to do to keep my mind off things at least.

**Becca's POV**

Sitting in a chair in second platoon's OP, I couldn't help but listen to the sound of the bullets being shot at the men from the Germans. I could almost feel the vibrations from our own machine guns as we gave them covering fire. I closed my eyes, feeling in my bones that something was going to go wrong tonight. Someone was going to get hurt and it would be all my fault. For not trying harder to challenge Ron. For not trying hard enough to get myself on that patrol with the rest of them. I shook my head, knowing that wondering about the past would not fix anything.

One moment was all it took to turn my world on its axis. One second I was sitting there in the silence of the room and in the next it was filled with absolute chaos. The doors to the OP swung open with a loud crack. The men moved inside. All of them were yelling. I jumped to my feet, my canteen falling to the floor, unnoticed and forgotten. Between them they carried one of their own. His face was a bloodied ruin and I couldn't tell with all the chaos surrounding me who it was.

"Who is that?" I demanded of them, not wanting to believe that this was really happening. Babe had said...No, I couldn't think like that right now. I'd known not to believe something so naïve. That we might actually all go home to our families and friends. We were close but this was not the end, not yet.

"It's Jackson. He threw a grenade and ran in right after it," Babe said, inching closer to me as he and the others put Jackson on the table in the back of the room. I scooted out of the way, my hands already itching to help him. I would not see another man die before me. I refused to go through that again.

"Alright," I said, sidling forward and immediately taking the reins, "Someone, go get Roe. He needs to be here." I didn't even notice as someone left the room to go and get Gene. He would know what to do and at the moment my mouth had gone dry and my hands were shaking like leaves in a strong wind. I could see death in Jackson's eyes. His body was jerking slightly under the pressure that death was trying to force on him. In a moment of clarity, I realized what he needed. There was so much fear and pain in his eyes. I couldn't stand to look at it. But I knew I had to. Pushing the guys out of the way, I took Jackson's face between my own.

"Jackson, you're gonna be okay," I told him. My voice was quiet and reassuring. I felt, somehow, that he was not going to make it through this. But I had to try to help. Tears were forming at the corners of my eyes as I thought about what that would mean for him. He would never see his family again, his friends or any of us ever again. I held onto him more tightly for a moment before my hands dropped into my bag. Pulling out sulfa and morphine, I set to work. A line formed between my eyebrows as I worked. My hands seemed to take on a mind of their own. I poured the sulfa on his wounds and then stuck the morphine into his shoulder. I watched his face, waiting for him to relax. Gentle hands landed on my shoulder and I glanced up at Roe to see him looking at me.

"Let me get to him, Becca. Get over on his other side and tell him he'll be alright," Gene whispered against the side of my face. I could see in his eyes that he knew what was going to happen too. I did what he said, taking Jackson's hands in my own. I could feel the rushing of my blood in my ears and my chest ached with the pain of his loss already. I'd had enough of death. I was sick and tired of it. Men shouldn't be out here dying.

"I don't wanna die!" he said, blood billowing out in a steady stream from the corner of his mouth. It brought my attention back to his pale and bloodied face. I wiped it away absently, willing him to look at me and only me.

"You're not gonna die. Look at me!" I said, raising my voice to get his attention. His brown eyes snapped back to my own and I watched the fear and the sorrow flee from his expression for a moment, "Don't look at them. Don't listen to them." I faintly became aware of the yelling and screaming going on behind us. But I knew that to help him through this, I had to be strong. To do that, I couldn't focus on the other people in the room. No one except him mattered in that moment. I watched Gene's hands move silently and quickly over Jackson's body. Trying and failing to save his life.

"Becca, I'm gonna die," he whispered, his eyelids closing over his eyes and blocking me out. I gripped him tighter, my fingers flexing over the pale expanse of his face. I looked down at him, watching the life and the light disappear from his body. I couldn't describe the way I felt then. It was as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. My chest grew taut with it and my hands began to shake as I felt the first trickle of fear into my veins that night.

"Jackson, don't..." I muttered, wishing with all my heart that things could be different. That I could change the course of history just this once. He was so young and he didn't deserve this. In that moment, I hated how things had turned out for me. I hated that I was allowed to live while he had to give his life. For God, for his family, for his country. Instead of the tears I expected, all I felt was a dark and cold entity fill my soul. It chilled me to the bone and made shudders race up and down the length of my body. I stepped away from Jackson's lifeless body, knowing that there was nothing I, nor anyone else, could do for him now. Suddenly, I was swept up into the strong embrace of a man that I'd come to love and to cherish as much as my own life. Without him, I didn't know what I would have done. About Ron, about Bill, about any of it. Babe's arms wrapped around me in a tight hug that left no space between our bodies and which made it impossible to breathe. But it made me flounder for a moment, made clarity light the edges of darkness within my own mind.

I let Babe hold me, let him squeeze away the remnants of my despair. I couldn't focus on the deaths of those around me. Now was not the time nor the place. Later when there were no more wars to be fought and I was sitting in a comfortable chair surrounded by silence-then would be the time to mourn those lost souls. Then would be the time that I would cry for all the men I'd been unable to save and unable to help. My chest burned with the knowledge of the pain I would have to endure for years to come. But I knew that it was nothing compared to what their loved ones would feel. It was not even a sliver of their grief and their pain.

I pressed my face to Babe's shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent before pulling away again. I turned around, my eyes taking in the somber procession of faces of the men all around us. They only had eyes for Jackson's body and I knew that if we didn't get him out of here soon, someone would break. It was too soon after all that had happened in Bastogne. I took one look behind me at the German prisoners who were staring at all of us with heavily-lidded eyes and small smiles. As if they were enjoying our pain and our despair. I couldn't help but feel my anger spark at them. We had wasted a perfectly healthy man in getting them. And they probably had less value to us than a rock. I couldn't believe that after all this, we had wasted a life to save the men in front of us and they dared to laugh at us. It sickened me and it filled me with an anger the likes of which I had never known. I knew that I couldn't do anything to them. That, out of anything else, was what hurt the most. Not being able to inflict the same amount of pain on them as they were doing to us.

The urge to attack them became so strong that I tightened my hands around Babe's waist.

"Get me out of here, Babe," I muttered, hoping that over all the noise he could hear me. When he moved us toward the open doors, I knew that he had. I pressed my face tighter into his shoulder.

"Why does this keep happening, Babe?" I asked him, wanting and not wanting to know the answer. War was an ugly place. If my father had taught me anything, he'd made sure I knew that. I was only now beginning to realize just how ugly. In that moment, I missed Bill so much it brought tears to my eyes. I missed his unwavering strength and determination. I missed the way his arms would wrap around me and I would believe that nothing could possibly hurt me while he held me so close. I needed him so much. I needed my best friend back. But I knew that I had ruined everything between us. Now I was here in Europe without either him or Ron to settle the despair filling my soul so completely.

Babe's lips on my forehead startled me out of my own thoughts. I pulled away from him, wiping away the tears that had dropped onto my cheeks.

"You miss him don't you?" Babe asked me, threading his fingers through mine and drawing me close again. I could feel the love and affection for me in his touch. It was so gentle, so soft. And just what I needed right now.

"Yes. And I feel like I don't really deserve to feel like that, Babe. After what I did to him..." I let my voice trail away. I could see him nod out of the corner of my eye. I felt some of the burden lift away from my shoulders. At least I wasn't the only one missing Bill. At least I had Babe. I raised myself onto the tips of my toes to lay a kiss on his cheek. He turned to me, surprise evident on his face.

"What was that for?" he asked, a smile curling his lips.

"For being here for me. It's nice knowing that I've got someone who understands what I'm going through."

"Well who else is going to take care of you? You're crazier than old Crazy Joe," Babe said, laughing and throwing his arm around me in a small hug. I leaned back to look at his face.

"Who in the hell is Crazy Joe?" Babe chuckled, twisting a lock of my hair around his finger. It had grown out a lot since September. It was three inches past my shoulders, almost to the middle of my back.

"Bill never told you who Crazy Joe was?"

"No," I said, giggling.

"Well them I'm gonna educate ya," Babe said, using one of Bill's sayings. Whenever someone didn't know something, he always told them he was gonna educate them. I giggled, getting swept up in the happiness that had replaced the sorrow. I could get used to feeling this way again.

Babe had left a little over an hour ago. He'd walked me back to the room I was staying in and then he'd headed back to second's OP. I couldn't blame him for leaving so soon. He must have been exhausted. But, the sorrow took me again with a ruthless savagery that left me feeling hopeless and used up. I gripped the sheets beneath my hands, trying to push the thoughts away from my mind. Memories of Jackson's face as the life left his body flashed before my eyes and I pushed myself into a sitting position with a sigh of frustration.

I jumped out of bed, putting my uniform back on and heading toward the door. I snuck past Dick's room, avoiding the squeaky floorboard that was right in front of the main door to the house. And then I was out in the swirling cold of the town. The silence that had taken the town in its unwavering grasp was so profound. For a moment, I let myself be swept up in it. It wiped my thoughts clean as if the very air could steal them away.

Passing through the streets of Haguenau, I felt like a ghost. A shadow of myself that could not speak or feel anything but the death that still rode the air. It filled my lungs in wave upon wave of sorrow and doubt. For all that we had lost as a company and all that we had lost as people. I thought of Bill and Joe Toye. Hoobler and Buck. Skip Muck and Alex Penkala. So many names and so many faces flashed before my eyes and I felt my knees growing weak with the emotions coursing through me. Sometimes I wished for the numbness that had overtaken me in Bastogne. At least then I could walk around without remorse and without feeling anything at all. It had been heaven. But I knew now that being numb was not always good. It had made me miss the bigger picture. With both Ron and Bill. And now I'd lost them both. Because of my stupidity and my selfishness.

In that moment, I knew I deserved every horror and every stab of pain that God could ram through my heart. I deserved it all and even though it hurt, I knew it was nothing to what the men must be feeling. Somehow being accepted as one of them had never been enough. I would have to be a man to accomplish that. I was anything but a man. I was not even close and no matter how much I tried to fit in, I knew I never would in that respect.

Sighing, I tried to push my thoughts beyond the border of my own suffering. I wasn't allowed to be selfish. I'd done enough of that already to last me an entire lifetime. That's when I heard it. The sound that would change my life forever. It was a moan so soft that I almost didn't catch it. If I hadn't chosen to focus on what was going on around me, I would never have heard it. My fear caught in a firm lump in my throat and I had to swallow it down as I inched toward the source of the noise. It was muffled, almost as if the person the moan belonged to was behind a closed door. I inched forward, the noise growing louder and louder until it was a constant hum inside my ears. Out of the shadows of darkness, a door appeared in front of my eyes. I rushed toward it, knowing now that there was someone behind those doors. Someone who needed help. My own thoughts and sorrows forgotten, I grabbed the door handle and pushed the door open. My pupils dilated painfully at the sudden onslaught of light that greeted my eyes. I blinked frantically, the sounds of pain louder than before and ringing in my ears with a stricken finality.

"Oh, Jesus Christ, not you," said the strained voice.

"Britney?" I asked, sidling cautiously into the room and looking down on the woman lying in bed. It was her. Her blond hair was splayed like a flaxen sheet across her pillows. Her hands were balled around the white sheets beneath her body. Searching lower, I saw the source of the problem. The pants covering her thighs were soaked with blood, and the pool was widening with every minute I simply stared at her. I moved forward, my hands hesitating over her body for a moment before I moved to unbutton her pants. She knocked my hands away weakly.

"I don't fucking want you in here. Go get Ron!" she screamed as another wave of pain shot through her. Her back arched and her face became a contorted mask of misery and anger.

"There's no time for all that," I said impatiently, moving again to take her pants off. There was only one explanation for this. She was going into early labor and if I didn't get the baby out soon, she would die. I grabbed for my bag, then realized it wasn't there. For a moment, I allowed myself to panic. How had fate brought me to this moment without making me grab my medical bag first?

"I need him, Becca!" Britney shouted, her voice ringing with anxiety and fear. I shook my head, taking the length of her hand in mine and making her look at me. Her eyes met mine and for the first time since I'd met her, I saw her as a real person. With desires and aspirations. With fears and doubts. I let go of my hesitation, of my animosity. I had to save her. I had to save Ron's fiancee. No matter how much she had already hurt me.

"Britney, you have to listen to me," I said, fighting to keep my voice level, "I don't have time to save you if I have to go get him. I won't lie to you and tell you that I will save this baby, but I can save you. I will save you." There was such conviction in my voice that I left no room for argument or doubts. We couldn't afford them and I knew that she needed all the reassurance she could get.

I didn't hear her reply. Her back bowed suddenly with a scream that ripped apart her throat with a sound so terrifying that it sent goosebumps skittering across my entire body. I grabbed for her legs, spreading them apart and forcing myself to be calm through this. I took a deep breath, the air flowing through my lungs and dispersing into the thick air in this room.

"Okay, Britney, deep breaths for me okay? Can you do that?" I asked her, urging my voice higher and higher so she could hear me over the echos of her own screams.

"I think so!" she gasped, her chest heaving with exertion. I could see the sweat covering her brow. I noticed the sickening pale yellow color her skin had taken on. And I knew that I didn't have long to help her. After a few moments, her breathing slowed to a much less alarming level. I realized that I'd never taken her pants off. I'd gotten distracted and that wasn't good. Not when I didn't really know how much time I had.

"Good," I said, moving around the side of the bed she was on to grab the tops of her pants. For a moment, I saw the uncertainty in her eyes. I had to motion towards her legs, "How am I going to see with your pants in the way?"

"Sorry, yeah, go ahead," she muttered, leaning back against the pillows and shutting her eyes. I could almost feel the draining energy flowing around her and through her body. I tried to push it aside as I shifted her pants and underwear from her legs. Tossing them to the side, I moved back between her legs and pushed her knees apart. Her thighs were soaked with blood and the white sheets beneath her body had been stained red.

"Alright," I said, lifting my eyes to meet her horrified gaze, "Now when the contractions start again, I need you to push. As hard as you can. It's going to hurt like a bitch, but I don't have time to go get my medical bag." I crossed the line from the woman she'd wronged. The woman that she had forced away from the love of her life time and time again. I had become the person who would save her life at almost any cost. I bit my lip, feeling the tip of the iceberg residing within me. I knew that as unselfish as I was trying to be right now, some part of me couldn't help but wonder why I was doing this. Why was I saving the woman who'd hurt me so much?

The answer was so simple. And it left me feeling weak and so alone just to hear the echo of his name in my mind.

_Ron._

I was doing it for him. So that he could be happy. So that he wouldn't have to spend the rest of this life as completely alone as I expected I would be. Without him and without Bill, I knew that I was ruined for all other men. I would always compare them to the two men who had stolen my heart. And for a moment, I let myself feel the hatred for Britney run through my veins. It might have been wrong but I thought I was entitled to hate her a little bit. Even when she was about to lose her baby. It was sadistic but I couldn't find enough empathy inside me to really care.

As if she could read my thoughts, Britney cleared her throat. I turned my gaze to her face. She was smiling at me. It was malicious and not at all friendly, "You know even if I die, he won't want you. He'll think that you killed us. Me and his baby." I stared at her, as if for the first time really seeing her. I had a moment to wonder if she'd always been this way before she screamed when the force of her next contraction hit her.

"Push, Britney!" I shouted, feeling the intensity of her pain in the tightened muscles in her legs. I looked up the line of her body, watching her strain against the baby inside her. She groaned, falling among the stack of pillows once again. I watched her, knowing as I counted the seconds between her contractions that this would be a long night indeed.

I slumped to the floor, blood covering me from head to toe and my mind filled with a loud humming sound. Disbelief etched through my veins and I tightened my grip on my thighs. The pain brought a part of myself back from the edge of numb despair that had descended upon me. I stood up, silence the only thing to greet me as I looked over the bloodied sheets that had become Britney's death bed. I grabbed for the edge of the bed, feeling my legs beginning to give away beneath me again.

I felt sick with shame and with disappointment in myself. Even more than that, I knew what would happen if I told Ron. I knew that what Britney had said was true. He would hate me forever now. I looked down at their child. It was so small and so silent, laying in a pool of its own blood. More than anything else, that lifeless child filled my eyes with tears. My vision blurred and all I could see was a watery film of the world around me. Choking down on my sobs, I turned and fled the room. It all became too much for me. I could never undo what I had done. I could never truly clean their blood from my hands. Ron's fiancee and his unborn child. I closed my eyes, willing the images of her pain and the sounds of their screams to leave me. When I plowed into the hard expanse of someone else's warm body, fear entered my heart at the thought that it might be Ron. I struggled against them, needing and wanting to get away so badly. I could not face him. Not after all that I'd done to ruin his life. Tears ran thick and unrelenting down my face.

"Becca, it's me. It's Babe!" Babe's voice filled my ears and my entire world seemed to come undone as relief swept through me. I threw my arms around his neck, clinging to him desperately.

"Babe," I whispered, pressing my face into the warmth and comfort of his shoulder. I breathed him in, trying to slow my pulse and remember hot to breathe. His arms came around my waist, holding me tightly to his body.

"Tell me this isn't your blood, Becca," Babe muttered, his hot breath caressing the side of my face and making me lean away from him so I could look up into his face. I shook my head, tears preventing me from seeing his reaction, "Whose?" That one word was whispered in fear. As if he expected me to tell him that yet another friend, another brother in arms, had been killed.

"I-I tried to save them, Babe. There was so much blood and I didn't have any of my supplied..."

"Who, Becca? Who were you trying to save?"

"Britney," I whispered, relaxing into his embrace again so that I did not have to see the condemnation in his eyes. His hands came up to cradle my head against his chest.

"Okay, Becca, I'm gonna take care of you. Don't worry," Babe said, kissing the side of my face and swinging my legs up into his arms. I pressed myself closer to him, crying my eyes out and putting my faith in him that he really would take care of me. In that moment, I didn't feel so alone. I knew that even if I'd pushed Bill and Ron away from me forever, at least I had Babe.

**Ron's POV**

I listened to the silence filling the room and the street outside. I could see the first beginnings of the dawn light peering in through the slivers of cloth missing from the curtains hanging in the window opposite the bed I was laying on. I slipped my arms around the back of my head, closing my eyes so that I could get a few more minutes of sleep before I had to wake up.

Last night had been a disaster. The men had caught two German soldiers and Jackson had been killed from his own grenade. Martin had told me last night that Becca had been there with them. And I knew I had to go see her today so that I could see if she was alright. Despite what she thought of me, I had to see if she was okay. She'd already been through enough and I was worried about her. My thoughts had me so deep inside my own mind that I nearly fell out of bed when someone pounded on my door. My heart leaped into my throat and my hands balled around the sheets covering my body from the cold seeping into the room.

"What is it?" I called, aggravated that they had managed to catch me so off guard.

"Sorry to disturb you, Captain, but it's your fiancee, sir," a voice said through the thick slab of wood separating us. I rolled my eyes, sliding out of bed and throwing on my pants before crossing the room to answer the door. When I opened it, I glared down at Lipton. I should have known they'd send him here to tell me something that would piss me off. For some reason or another, I liked Lipton. He was a good man and a good leader. I respected him for all that he'd done for Easy during Bastogne.

"What's the problem?" I demanded, slipping my jacket on over my white t-shirt. I wasn't really paying attention to what Lipton was saying. I'd had so much of Britney's crap over the last few months that I was almost to my snapping point with her.

"Sir," Lipton said, trying to get me to focus on him. I finally did with a sigh of frustration.

"God damnit, what is it?" I shouted. Then I saw the way he was looking at me. There was hesitation in his eyes as well as fear and sympathy. What the hell could she have done to make him look at me like that?

"Sir, your fiancee died this morning. About a half hour ago," he admitted to me. I slumped against the door frame, wondering if it was really possible. A part of me, no matter how much I wanted to deny it, was saddened by the news that she was dead. My thoughts seemed to catch up with me and I looked at him, not knowing if I wanted to find out the answer.

"And...the baby?" I asked, my voice suddenly very quiet and very solemn.

"He's gone too," Lipton said, his face telling me that he was unsure as to how I would react to this news. I hadn't even really given enough thought to the baby to have it really affect me. But suddenly, I was filled with the intensity of the loss of that life. How was it possible to miss something that I'd never truly had to begin with? I hung my head, waving him off and turning back to the silence and emptiness of my room.

"Thanks for telling me, Lip," I said, shutting the door and leaning up against it before he could say anything else. I hadn't realized until now just how much I'd been looking forward to being a father. Despair filled me to the brim and all I could do was lean against the door and ride the waves of pain rolling through me.

**EEP! So I have to say that even though this chapter was filled with TONS of despair and self-hatred, it was one of my most favorites from this story. It was just so deep and I think that Becca and Ron(especially at the end) had a lot of revelations about themselves and about what they want in life. I'm really hoping I haven't lost anyone since I neglected to update(again) for a ridiculous amount of time. ****I'm really sorry that I didn't reply to anyone's reviews. I did read them and believe me, I appreciated them even more than you could ever know. They are what remind me that I still have readers out there and I still need to provide them with timely updates. Hopefully that won't be too difficult because me exams are over as of tomorrow morning. **

**I hope you enjoy this update and I hope that you can find this chapter as my little token of remembrance for the men and women who give their lives on this day at Pearl Harbor 69 years ago. **

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Easy Company. I only own my OCs and the original plot for this story which you do not recognize. **


	39. I Need You to Love Me

_Why are you still here with me?_

_Didn't you see what I've done?_

_In my shame I want to run and hide myself_

_But it's here I see the truth_

_I don't deserve you_

_But I need you to love me, and I_

_Won't keep my heart from you this time_

"_I Need You to Love Me" by Barlow Girls_

**Bill's POV**

**February 16, 1945**

I was sitting up in bed, my eyes roving the white world around me. White walls. White sheets. Even my clothes were white. But I wasn't really looking at them. My thoughts were thousands of miles away and I was thinking about Becca, something that I'd gotten used to over the past month. Every day I had to bear the memories of what I had said to her. And what I had done to her. I wondered if she hated me. I shook my head, remembering the way she'd looked at me as I lashed out at her for pushing me so carelessly to the side while she slept with Speirs. No, despite everything that had happened between us, I knew she still loved me. I knew I loved her too, I always would. She was one of the most extraordinary women I'd ever known.

But I also knew I'd lost the silent war between Speirs and me. I also knew that Becca deserved more than I could give her. She deserved to at least have a chance with the man she loved more than anything else in the whole world. I was just tying her down. Besides, my thoughts had been floating back to the woman I'd met at 16 years old and had fallen in love with. The woman that had told me she'd wait for me until I got home. Frannie. I'd always known that I would marry her some day. All I could really wrap my head around right now was the fact that I wanted to settle down and make a family. I wanted to forget the war. I wanted to forget about all the things that had happened. Most of all I had to find a way to get my mind off of Becca. She was lost to me. I knew that. I had come to terms with it, but it still hurt like a son-of-a-bitch. I loved her. It hadn't been some desperate fantasy I'd carved out of nothing because the real love of my life was not there. What we'd had was real. I would never truly be able to forget it, but I knew I had to. To give her a shot at being happy and leaving me behind without any regret.

With those thoughts swirling through my mind, I laid my head on my pillow and counted the days before my family and Frannie would visit me.

"Mr. Guarnere?" an older, gray-haired woman asked as she knocked on my door. I sat up straighter in my bed, sending her a small smile.

"Ma'am?"

"You have visitors. Would you like me to tell them to come right on in?" she asked me, her brown eyes alight with joy. She knew I'd been waiting for them to visit me for nearly a week now. I could hardly stop my heart from pounding within the confines of my chest. My blood boiled just beneath the surface of my skin as I nodded to her.

"Yeah, that'll be fine. Thank you." She nodded and then turned around. I shifted the covers of my bed so that my lower body was hidden amongst the sheets. I hadn't told any of them yet about my leg. I thought I knew how they would react when they saw it and I was trying to put off the inevitable as long as I could. Taking a deep breath, I turned toward the open door and waited for them to come in. I couldn't help but feel that this was a turning point. It was time for me to live my life again. And if I was being completely honest with myself, I just wanted to forget about the war and all the pain and the fear and Becca was a part of those memories. It was a sad thought having to leave her behind but I knew it was for the best. It had to be for the best.

As soon as Frannie stepped into the room, all thought and all feeling went out the window except for that I was truly and completely happy for the first time in a long time. She looked at me with those bright eyes of hers and a smile to die for before stepping aside and letting my parents and my sister walk in. I knew that for now, we could just be happy before I told her everything that had happened to me over in Europe. Well everything about Becca anyway. I was not sorry for everything I'd done with Becca, but Frannie had the right to know. After all, she'd been faithful as far as I could tell and she'd said she would wait for me.

Frannie's hand collided with my face before she turned her eyes toward me. There were tears glistening in her eyes, effectively preventing me from seeing what was really going on inside her head. She'd always been like an open book to me. I could read her from just the expression on her face. Her lips were set in a tight, thin line that didn't leave any doubt in my mind that she was angry. What I couldn't figure out was if she was crying out of sadness or anger or both.

"God, Bill, you didn't think to mention any of this in a letter or something?" she whispered, not bothering to wipe away the tears that had collected on her cheeks. I felt something inside me break. Maybe I'd gone and screwed everything up again, but I knew that if Frannie hated me now too, then at least I'd told her the truth. I wasn't going to be like a lot of other guys and con her into marrying me without telling her exactly what had happened over there, "I said I'd wait for you." I tried to grab for her hands which were lying still and lifeless in her lap. She pulled away from me, crossing the room to stand in front of the window. Her silhouette was just as I'd remembered and I couldn't help but notice the things that had changed about her since I'd been gone. She'd cut her hair and she'd lost weight. As far as I could tell, she was still the same person though. Maybe it was me that had changed.

"And then you waited to tell us about your leg," she said, voice more reproachful than anything else now. I could tell that she was shocked about the leg, not disgusted, but I still felt my anger flare up. I pushed it down, knowing what Becca would say.

"_Bill, she's just scared is all. Scared that this may change things for both of you. Don't get angry at her. She'll come around if you reassure her." _And just like that, my heart squeezed tightly in on itself with a pain I didn't know I'd been holding on to. Hearing her voice again so perfect and so clear was like shoving a knife through my chest. I couldn't breathe around it. Couldn't think around the pain.

"Bill..." Frannie's voice cut through the voice that would haunt me for the rest of my life. I guess I wasn't as over her as I'd believed myself to be. God I missed her so much.

"What?" I asked, quietly. All the anger had fled from me upon hearing Becca's voice. I knew that whatever it was was right. Frannie was just worried and scared and probably shocked beyond all hell. I couldn't blame her. I was still taken aback by seeing the empty space where my leg had once been.

"You just got really quiet and you had this look on your face. I didn't mean to bring up your leg. I'm sorry," she said. I looked up at her, seeing the vulnerability there and feeling the need to comfort her so that she would know that everything would be alright between us. I took her face in my hands, wiping away the drying streaks of tears and kissed her once on the lips. It was chaste, but it still stole my breath away just like the first time I'd ever placed my mouth on hers. When I pulled away, there a slight tilt to her lips at the corners. I knew she was trying to suppress a smile, but I had to be serious before I could dare to believe that everything between us could be solved by one single kiss.

"Frannie, I know I messed up and I know you must be thinking that Becca was just another random fling. But I really did love her. Hell I'm not gonna lie, I still love her, but if you'll let me love you I can get over her. I was with you before I left and I intend to marry you just like I always said that I would. I knew it the day I saw you when you were just 13 years old. So please, let me make this right. I know it won't be easy, but I love you. I don't want to lose you too." I looked down at her, knowing that every word I'd said was true. I couldn't live with losing the two women that had ever made me feel so alive. I wouldn't live through it. In that moment, I prayed more than I ever had at one time for things to be okay. I prayed for a happy ending. I prayed that the woman in front of me would say yes to me.

"Well," she began, her voice unreadable as I stared into her bright brown eyes, "She sounds like a hell of a woman. And I'm not telling you this will be easy either. I intend to make you work for what you want." She grinned at me, twisting her fingers in my hair and hesitating a moment.

"I'm guessing you want me to start by kissing the you-know-what out of ya?" I teased. She nodded.

"I think that would be a good start," Frannie told me before I leaned forward and pressed my lips against hers with a grin plastered on my face.

**Becca's POV**

I felt the warming rays of sunshine beaming through the windows to lay in a perfect pattern across my face. I soaked in the warmth, drawing it into what was left of my heart. I knew that when I opened my eyes, I would be confronted with the ghosts that sought to haunt me. Sleep hadn't gotten rid of the guilt or the pain riding on my shoulders and pressing down on me harder and harder with every breath. I closed my eyes more tightly, snuggling against the wall and wishing that the sun would dip down below the sky line again. With a gasp, I felt the wall move and I realized then that I was not alone.

My eyes shot open, my pupils contracting and expanding as they tried to adjust to the brightness of the sun streaming in on us. I struggled away from whoever it was, my mind getting the better of me. Until Babe's voice rang around my ears.

"Becca, Jesus, it's me!" he shouted, grabbing my wrists so that I would stop flailing my arms. I quieted instantly, looking up into his eyes and smiling apologetically. My head fell onto the pillow again and I felt my arms slump immediately.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I forgot." Babe shook his head, the rays of light reflecting off his bright red hair. It reminded me of fire. If fire could be woven into hair.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I scared ya," he chuckled, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and standing up to throw his jacket over his chest. He didn't turn to look at me, but as I watched him I knew something was wrong. The set of his shoulders was so tense and his body was stiff as he drew his jacket around his body. I frowned, the cogs of my mind turning and turning but providing no clear solution as to what was wrong with him.

"Babe, is everything okay?" He turned toward me, his face a carefully controlled mask that did not reveal the secret he was hiding.

"Sink wants another patrol tonight," he told me, spitting the words out as fast as he could. As if saying it faster would relieve the brunt of the fear that suddenly pulsed through my veins. I shuddered, my fingers closing in tight fists around the sheets pooled about my waist.

"What?" I asked, my mind moving too slowly for what he was telling me. I shook my head, my eyelids closing over my vision of their own accord. I swallowed hard, knowing exactly what that would mean. Another night, another opportunity for American blood to be spilled and wasted. I could almost taste the tangy flavor of blood in my mouth as I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming out. How much more suffering would we have to be put through? How many more men would die before they ended this war?

"You-you can't. Babe I..." my voice trailed away as Babe's hands landed on my shoulders. I looked up at him, my heart hammering in my throat. What if this time it was him that I lost? I wouldn't live through it. I'd seen too many friends killed, too many of the boys I'd grown so attached to die for what seemed to be a meaningless cause. You go into war with such a romantic, heroic view. You think that you'll become the hero that everyone dreams about being. War isn't like that at all. From the moment you step onto the battlefield and the bullets start flying at you, all those thoughts disappear. There are no heroic feats of superhuman strength and bravery. There is only you, your company, and the enemy. You do what you have to do to survive. That's what it is. Survival of the fittest. And in war, no matter what anyone tells you, a part of you dies. The part of you that is innocent of the atrocities that man can commit vanishes. There is no innocence in war. There is no weakness.

Looking up into Babe's eyes, I had to wonder why it had taken me this long to realize that. I'd seen it enough, experienced it enough. It just hadn't fully set in until now. I shuddered, pressing my face into the warmth and strength of his arms as I stood up from the bed. I knew he was about to say something. About how he had to go, how he couldn't disobey a direct order. I was tired of pretending that I didn't know how the military worked. Of course I did. I may not have been here as long as any of them, but I'd learned a lot over the past year.

"I know you have to go," I said in a voice so filled with abject acceptance that I didn't even sound like myself, "Just-please be careful. Babe, I can't lose you too." I stood on the tips of my toes and placed a kiss on his lips. A good luck kiss. A kiss of desperation and dejected acceptance. I just hoped it would be enough to keep him safe.

"I will, Becca. I can't guarantee anything, you know that. But I promise I will try," he said, kissing my forehead before pushing me lightly away so that he could leave the room. I watched him go, praying and hoping for a miracle.

"Please, God," I whispered, kneeling beside the bed and shutting my eyes as tightly as they would go, "Please, let them all get back safe. Don't make them suffer any more than they already have." Opening my eyes, I knew that was as much as I could do. With Ron running the company, I had no say in going or staying. So, I just had to put my faith in a god I wasn't even sure existed.

I couldn't believe that we were moving out again. And I definitely couldn't believe what Babe had told me the previous day when he'd come to find me after the meeting with Winters about the patrol. Apparently Winters had told all of them that they could skip out on the patrol. He was just as sick of the war as the rest of us were and for that, I was eternally grateful. Maybe losing Jackson had shown every one that taking risks just wasn't in the cards anymore. Not if we wanted to make it back to our families at the end of the war. Nixon had drawn up the paperwork and regiment had been none the wiser. I smiled, knowing that I would have to congratulate Dick and Nix on their brilliance whenever I saw them.

Grabbing Babe's hand as we walked through the crowd toward Second Platoon's truck, I suddenly couldn't help but feel like someone was staring at me. I could feel their heated gaze moving idly from the soles of my boots to the roots of my hair. I shuddered and huddled closed to Babe's back, taking strength from the heat rolling off of him.

"Babe-," I began, but never finished. I was grabbed from behind and pulled roughly around the side of an empty truck. The driver and a few other guys were piling medical supplies and boxes full of various munitions into the bed. I craned my neck to try and see who was behind me, but I wasn't that flexible. Warm lips caressed my skin at the point where my neck met my shoulder. I moaned, my hands flailing outwards to grip the side of the truck. I held on for dear life as hands dove slowly under the hem of my jacket to stroke the skin of my hip. I relaxed into his back, my lips opened in a silent moan of pleasure and desire. I had a pretty good idea of who it was, but at the thought that it was Ron confusion shot through me. Why would he be acting this way toward me? I'd all but let his fiancee die as well as his unborn child. Tears sprung suddenly to my eyes and I had to blink them away and clear my throat before I could say the name of the man I'd missed for far too long.

"R-ron?" I whispered, my fingers moving from the cold steel of the truck to wind themselves into the roots of his hair. When I had bent my arm enough to tough his face though, I grasped at nothing but the cold void of air where he'd been standing. I turned on my heel, searching for him desperately. My heart jumped into my throat when I realized that he'd left. If it really was Ron. And if it wasn't, who could it have been?

"Smalls?"

"Becca?"

The shouts of my name resounded in my ears and filled me with a sense of urgency. Behind me, I could hear the loud growls as the engines of the trucks roared to life. Turning toward the sounds of my name being called, I ran off to jump into the bed of the truck. I had time to consider who the mystery man had been, although there was something about the way he'd held me that had a sense of familiarity in it. Ron was the only one that had ever held me like that. Possessive and passionate but yet gentle and loving at the same time. I had to remind myself that it had been too long since he'd held me, so I guess I couldn't be relied on to remember exactly what it felt like. As Babe hoisted up into the seat beside him, I could see the questions in his eyes. I was thankful that he didn't press me. I wasn't quite ready to confront my feelings about Ron again. And anyways, I had to ask myself again: why would he be wanting to kiss me? I wouldn't want to be anywhere near me if I were him. I hung my head in shame, hiding my face in my hands so that I could think without being talked to. Little did I realized just how long of a drive it would be. We weren't just traveling to the next town over. We were headed into Germany.

**Sturzelberg, Germany**

**April 2, 1945**

I turned my face toward the sky, my skin absorbing the warmth and making me feel lighter and more alive than I'd felt in months. The sky was a brilliant azure, the sun smiling down on all of us. German women moved through the streets in their ankle-length dresses and their sun hats. Chattering about the latest gossip and war news. Men were crowded around the backs of trucks to take boxes inside their shops. Germany was almost as good as being back home. We'd had hot showers almost as soon as we'd arrived. The men had their cards and plenty of lonely women to fill their beds. And there'd been enough of them free every night that I could sit with them and watch them play cards. A few times, they'd even let me play. Babe taught me how to play poker and I'd lost as much money as I'd taken from the other guys. It kept my mind off of things at least, for which I was grateful beyond belief.

At night, however, when there was nothing to keep me company, I could do nothing but think of Ron. I was avoiding him, I knew it. I was using any excuse to stay away from him. I was terrified of what he would do when we finally came face to face again. I was so scared that he would hate me now more than ever.

I looked up suddenly, something compelling me to do just that. I saw the jeep a moment before it nearly collided with Ron. My lips fell open in a silent gasp of horror and I felt nothing as I rushed forward and grabbed Ron's arm. I jerked him backwards, the corner of whatever he was holding in his right arm grazing the tire of the jeep. I sighed with relief, feeling the solid warmth of his body beneath my fingers. He turned around, his eyebrows shooting upwards when he saw who had grabbed him.

"Becca..." he said, his voice trailing away as he stared into my eyes. It was so easy to get lost in the dark pools of his irises. They were so deep and so filled with emotion that I felt my pulse thudding loudly against the side of my neck. My mouth went dry and my hand slipped from his arm in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry about that. I just-I saw the jeep and I-I thought you might walk out in front of it," I said, my voice carrying on until it had formed a whisper of a breath between us. My heart constricted and I felt the tears forming thick and desperate behind my eyes. Without another word, I turned to leave. I couldn't do this. I couldn't stand here and wish for what might have been. I wouldn't be swept up just by the sight of his eyes staring so deeply and completely through me. No, I wouldn't be controlled by my emotions like I had been for the past year. I knew it was dangerous. Besides, I was looking too far into the situation. I wanted to believe that he might still have feelings for me. I was still holding onto the hope that he would come back to me somehow of his own free will. I still dreamt of the nights when he would pull me into the strong circle of his arms and whisper, "I love you," against the side of my face. I closed my eyes, my legs taking me where I'd originally planned to go. To the makeshift post office where I'd hoped to find a letter from Bill.

**Ron's POV**

I followed her, my pulse pumping so fast through my veins that it was all I could hear. I only had eyes for Rebecca and my fingers were throbbing with the need to touch her again. I could see that she had lost weight since I'd really looked at her. And her skin had turned pale from the lack of sunlight we'd seen over the last two months. Her blue eyes had never looked so alluring and I knew by the emotions swimming in the waters of her irises that she was still in love with me. I had to wonder if it was too late for us to make this work. I had to wonder if too many things had happened between us to make the hope of us being together an absolute impossibility.

I watched the soft sway of her hips and the light as it shined off the black curls trailing from the top of her head down to the sensitive spot between her shoulder blades. I groaned audibly, my fingers tightening into unbreakable grips along the tray I was carrying in my hands. She had no idea what she was still doing to me even after all these months. I'd accepted the fact that running back into her arms would not be easy. There were so many things I had to apologize for. So many things that I had to say to her to reassure her that I had only ever been in love with her. My chest still hurt at the thought that my child had died. But I felt next to nothing for the loss of my fiancee. It was an awful thing to say, but I was done lying to myself. I knew what I wanted and I knew what I was willing to do to get it back.

I watched her glide through the front door of the makeshift post office and I had to smile. I wondered if maybe my luck was turning around. If just maybe God knew that I was sorry enough to warrant a little happiness. I grinned, allowing the joy to fill me up before setting my mask of stony indifference up in place again. It wouldn't do to have Vest thinking that I was actually happy sometimes. When I came through the doors, however, I realized that I didn't need to pretend anymore. Anger and jealousy fogged my mind and brought every memory and ever realization into sharp relief.

"Vest, do you have anything for me from Bill Guarnere?" Vest turned around with a small smile. He searched through Second Battalion's mail for a moment before turning around with regret filling his eyes.

"Sorry, Becca, you haven't gotten anything from him yet," he muttered, placing his hand over her hands and rubbing them for a moment, "Maybe he's just getting situated, Becca. You know how the Army can be and they had to get him back to England and then back to the States. Who knows how long it'll be before his letters find us." Becca chuckled humorlessly, shrugging her shoulders and sending Vest an unhappy smile.

"Yeah, by the time they do, the war'll be over. Thanks anyway, Vest. See you later when you deliver all the mail," she said before tapping the counter and turning around. As soon as her eyes found mine, her lips parted in a silent gasp. Fear and trepidation flashed through her eyes and I had the urge to rush toward her, gather her in my arms, and kiss her until we were both breathless and sick with desire. But I knew I couldn't do that with someone else watching. I walked forward, her eyes glued to me the entire time. I pressed my hip into the edge of the counter, my body almost close enough for our uniforms to rub against one another. I refrained from closing the distance, every nerve in my body trembling from the need and want coursing through me.

"Rebecca, I'd like to talk to you about the medical supply list you gave to me a few days ago. If you wouldn't mind waiting here until I'm finished," I said, my voice making it clear that it wasn't a request. I had to get her to stay and the only way to do that that I could see was to boss her around. I could see the rigidity of her shoulders and the way she locked her body on itself. Oh she was mad all right. I rolled my eyes, pointing to the stuff I'd put on the counter for Vest.

"Think you got a box all this stuff will go in?"

"I might have something in the back big enough for all of it, Captain Speirs," Vest said, his eyes moving past me toward the back of the building where he kept all the boxes for packages to our families back home, "Uh, same address, sir?"

"Yep, same address. Thanks, Vest."

"No problem, sir," he said. I'd stopped listening when I turned around and caught sight of Rebecca looking at me. I stared right back, the heat between us crackling with electricity. Feeling slightly unsure of myself now that my cold exterior was shaking under the scrutiny of her gaze, I took her hand in mine. Something between us loosened slightly and I laced my fingers through hers with a firmer grip.

"Come on," I muttered, pulling her beside me through the door and around the corner of the building. There was nothing but forest framing the back end of the building and I knew it would be the perfect place to talk to her alone. My whole body had caught fire at the thought of being all alone with her for the first time since I'd blown up at her in Haguenau. When we were finally back there, I dropped her hand and went to stand by myself for a moment, collecting my thoughts before I turned toward her again. Her blue eyes were shining with unshed tears and her hair was blowing in the soft breeze around her face. Seeing her looking so broken and vulnerable filled me with pain. I couldn't stand it when she looked like that and I knew that part of it must be confusion as to why I was suddenly treating her this way when I'd ignored her for the better part of four months. I strode forward, cupping her cheeks and making her look up at me with her pain-filled aquamarine eyes.

"Why are you doing this to me?" she asked me, her voice betraying what she hadn't already told me with her question and her body language, "I-I killed them and you're acting like it never happened." With a heart wrenching gasp, her knees gave out beneath her and she slumped helplessly against my chest. I could hear her repeating her question through the layers of clothing that shielded her lips from my skin. I wrapped my arms around her, unsure how to comfort her, unsure how to reassure her that she had tried her best to save them. I wasn't angry with her. In a way, I was almost grateful to her, but I would never tell her that.

"Becca," I whispered, kissing her softly on the nose, "Becca, I-I've made a lot of mistakes in these past four months. Ever since what happened in Mourmelon, I've been thinking of ways to apologize to you for what I did. And then Britney sprang the news of her pregnancy on me and it's just like everything collapsed on me. I was stuck. You have to believe that I've only ever loved you, Becca. I just let my anger get the better of me. My anger and my jealousy." Her fingers tightened around the lapels of my jacket and she leaned away far enough so that she could look up at me. Her cheeks were flushed a dark pink color and her eyes were swimming with tears. But she hadn't let them fall. She took a shuddering breath, her head falling back onto my chest as she calmed herself down.

"Ron, I've spent the last four months thinking that you wanted nothing to do with me. Then with Britney and the baby, I thought you would think...I all but killed them, Ron, don't you understand that?" she demanded, her voice raising to nearly a yell as she pushed me away from her. I could see that she was shaking from head to toe. Her lips were trembling and now the tears spilled over white hot and angry onto her cheeks. She batted them away without a moment's hesitation, "I took away your future, Ron, I don't deserve you so please just leave me alone." She broke off in sobs, her body curling in on itself a second before she straightened up and left me standing behind the building. My thoughts were tumbling through my brain. None of them made sense and I knew that I was just as lost as before about how to win her back. I sighed, raking a hand through my hair before tracing her steps back into town and back into reality. I could still feel the heat melting off of her as I held her closer and closer to my body, to the proof of my arousal. I had to believe that it wouldn't be long before I finally got her back into my arms. I had to believe that with all my heart.

**Right, so I know that I've been absent for almost another month...again! And I have to apologize for it, even though all of my readers have proven to be extremely understanding. I feel so awful, in fact, that I am going to be giving you TWO chapters for this update. Yes that's right! I think you'll like the next chapter as well. I know I had a lot of fun writing it. :D**

**Thanks so much to everyone who has been reading, reviewing, and adding this story to their alerts and favorites over the past twenty days. And to my reviewers: I am so sorry that I haven't been responding. I really do appreciate every review, even though I don't act like it. :( I promise that the reviews I get for these two chapters will be responded to. If it's the last thing that I do lol. **

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant towards the real men on which this fanfic is based. I only own my OCs and any original plot you do not recognize. **


	40. Tangled Up in You

_You're the fire that warms me when I'm cold_

_You're the hand I have to hold as I grow old_

_You're the shore when I am lost at sea_

_You're the only thing that I like about me_

_And in this world where nothing else is true_

_Here I am still tangled up in you_

"_Tangled Up in You" by Staind_

**Becca's POV**

**April 4, 1945**

"Alright, war time news..." Nixon's voice trailed away into the oblivion of my consciousness. It had been three days. Three days to stew over what had happened with Ron and three days to figure out exactly what I felt for him. I felt that trembling pain in my chest and realized that I wanted more than anything to be with him again. My resolve to stay away from him was vanishing the more I thought about him. Betrayal was something that I was also feeling. That was what had kept me from sneaking over to Ron's room every night. I couldn't forget everything that I had done to Bill. I couldn't just forget about what we'd had together. If I was being honest with myself, I knew that some part of me was still in love with him. No matter the things he'd said to me and no matter the things I'd done to prove otherwise, I still loved him. Even now, sitting next to Babe, I couldn't help but feel the sharp sting of loneliness that encompassed me whenever I thought about Bill and all that I had lost when he was wounded.

"Come on, Becca," Babe said softly beside me as he grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. I looked up at him, my brow crinkling.

"It's over?" I asked him, confusion settling like a dead weight on my shoulders. He chuckled, pulling me along behind him as we followed everyone else back into the center of town. For some reason they liked to hang out there when they played cards. There was something about the houses we were staying in that was cramped, which was not a good feeling when playing cards.

"Yeah, honey, it's over. Listen, you're not looking so hot, why don't you go back to your place and sleep?" Babe suggested, pushing me toward the house I was staying in down the road. I shrugged, sending him a tired smile.

"Sure, Babe, cause sleep is exactly what I'll do," I said, rolling my eyes. He knew better than anyone that I hadn't slept more than five hours over the past week. There was just too much to think about, too much to do around here. It was making sleep more than impossible. He moved toward me, his blue eyes suddenly taking on the color of chipped ice. He cupped my face in his hands and placed a light kiss on my forehead.

"Please, for me? If you can't sleep in that room where there's fresh sheets, then I don't know what I oughta do with you," Babe said, whispered the words against my forehead before pulling away and nudging me in the right direction. I knew he was right. Without sleep, then I would stop functioning properly. Without my strength, I was of no use to Easy and I didn't want that at all. Sighing heavily, I shoved my hands in my pockets and started off down the road toward where I was staying. Maybe, just maybe I would find the peace and quiet I'd been looking for for so long.

I stared down at the ground, watching the shadows race each other as the sun rode higher and higher in the sky. Then, suddenly the sunlight beneath my feet disappeared entirely as someone moved up beside me. I blinked back my surprise and glanced up to see who it was. My heart jumped into my throat and my fingers began to shake with trepidation. Staring down at me with a dangerous, hungry glint in his eyes was Ron. His dark hair was smoothed back away from his face and the stubble on his cheeks and chin was a dark expanse across the ridges of his skin. I bit down on my lip, unsure of what there was to say.

All thoughts of staying away from him flew from my mind and I had the sudden urge to throw myself into my arms. I closed my eyes, knowing that if I looked at him for one more moment, I would give in to my desires. I couldn't afford that, not when I was so sure that he didn't really want anything to do with me. Not after what I'd done to Britney and the baby, not after the way I'd acted three days ago.

"Becca, look at me," Ron's voice floated down to me through the layers of protection I was trying to put up around myself. There was no room in his voice for hesitation or defiance. So before I'd even made the conscious effort to decide to follow his command, I had opened my eyes and was staring up into his own dark irises. The smile that graced his face was so breath taking that it made my chest throb with desire. Every nerve in my body was alight with sensitive need for his skin to touch my own. I leaned toward him, soaking in the warmth and the masculine smell that rolled off of his body and coaxed the liquid fire burning through my veins. I fell against his chest and his arms came up to rest lightly on my hips. As if we'd orchestrated this movement so many times before that it had just become nothing more than a habit. I had a moment in which I remembered those long, hot nights back in my own time when I'd laid awake for hours after a dream about him. I didn't know then that I was in love with him, but I knew now. The times for ignorance were past and I knew now with a conviction that shot my pulse to dangerous heights that I wouldn't be able to live without him. I'd tried to convince myself that I could have lived with Bill because he was safe and he knew me better than almost anyone else. And because I still loved him beyond a shadow of a doubt. I had been lying to myself. I couldn't love anyone else as much as I loved Ron. I was ruined for other men because no one would ever compare to him.

I leaned forward, my fingers skimming gently along the length of his arms and curling into the hair at the nape of his neck. I felt him shudder against me and the hard length of his arousal pressed desperately against my stomach just over the spot where I needed him most in that moment. I moaned softly, my insides alighting with such an intense desire that my knees buckled beneath me. He tightened his hold on me, his left hand moving down to cup around the back of my thigh. One moment I was standing in front of him, clinging to him and the next I was in his arms. I giggled, unable to keep the sound from bubbling up my throat. Our faces were closer now. So close that a deep breath would have brought my lips against his. I stared at him for a few moments before turning my face sharply away from his. Ron's breath blew hot against the back of my neck. I shivered in his arms, wishing with all my heart to rid myself of the aching and hungry need rolling around in the pit of my stomach.

I sat there in his arms, as quiet as ever. I couldn't control the rapidity of my thoughts as they flew unbidden into and out of my mind in the course of a second. Was I strong enough to deny him? Would I be able to control myself if he wanted to kiss me? I shook my head, knowing that the answer to all the questions was a resounding no. When it came to Ronald Speirs, I'd never had any control to begin with. I was helpless against him. I knew it and by the faint twist of the corners of his mouth, he knew it too.

As I tossed the questions around in my brain, Ron slipped me from his arms and placed me squarely on the ground. The gravel crunched beneath my feet as I shifted away from him, crossing my arms over my chest and biting my lips with anxiety.

"Becca," his voice rolled across my skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. I shuddered, my body a walking contradiction of icy rigidity and liquid heat. With every flick of his eyes across my body, a flare of desire melted every bone in my body, "Would you come to my room at about 8 o'clock tonight? I could come here and take you there if you don't know where it is." His eyes were coated with a thick haze of suggestive implications. His room? I started when he chuckled. I'd accidentally said that out loud. I blushed, bowing my head in embarrassment. His fingers curled around my chin and lifted my face to his.

"Please say that's a yes," he whispered. I stared into his eyes, wanting so badly to say yes. I could feel in the depths of my heart that this was him making amends for all that had happened between us over the past few months. I nodded my head, my heart finally getting the better of my head as it had wanted to do for so long. Smiling up at him, I cupped his cheek and felt the rough hair scraping against the palm of my hand. It felt nice, familiar, and comforting to be able to do this at last.

Ron closed his fingers over mine and dragged the back of my hand to his lips. He laid a gentle kiss there, only a promise of what I could only hope would come very soon. It was chaste but the memory of his erection pressed so close to my heated core was too fresh in my mind for it not to renew the fire growing within me.

"Tonight, then," he muttered, dropping my hand to my side and turning away before I could say anything else. He vanished into the thick crowd of people walking in the street. A sigh of joyous contentment rattled through me. Just maybe my luck was turning. I closed my eyes, wishing that this happiness could last. I knew somehow that Bill would find someone back home to be happy with. And I knew that whatever the things we'd said and done to each other before he was wounded, we loved each other. I could only hope that he found happiness back in Philadelphia with someone that deserved him. I didn't deserve him, I'd known that from the beginning. He was too good a man for me. Before I could convince myself that I wasn't deserving of Ron either, Babe's face swam into view.

He stared up at me, his eyes wide and his mouth set in a deep frown, "Becca, I just got a letter from Bill." I grinned, grabbed his hand, and pulled him with me into the building.

"Well, don't just stare at me, tell me what it says," I giggled, leaning against the door while he strode a few feet inside. He turned toward me, his eyes glazed over with something akin to fear. But what could be so horrible in Bill's letter. I watched him. Watching the light flicker in his gaze. His face looked more and more torn as the seconds dragged by.

"Babe, what is it? You're scaring me."

"Bill's getting married," Babe spit out, his face a mixture of worry and fear. Of what I would do, of what I would say. Shock rippled through me, sending a wave of confusion and unexplainable sorrow through me. What was it I had been saying only five minutes ago? About wanting him to be happy...

"W-what are you talking about? When, Babe?"

"I don't know. He never talked about any dames back home, not to me anyway. Apparently he's known Frannie since before the war," Babe replied, the letter sliding from his trembling fingers as he came to stand beside me. I felt sick and my knees were quaking. I sunk to the ground, my legs giving out under me and the news settling heavily on my shoulders. I could feel my lungs heaving against the confines of my chest as I tried to understand, tried to see what was happening. Babe pulled me into the circle of his arms. Tears never came, for which I was thankful. It would just take a while to sink in. That he'd moved on so quickly, that he was getting married and getting back to the life he'd had before the war. Before me. I'd never really given any of that much thought. It brought about a whole new round of fresh questions that raped and pillaged through my mind until I felt dizzy and nauseous with it.

"You okay?"

"Y-yeah," I said, clearing my throat and pressing my face into his shoulder, "It's just-wow."

"Wow is right. He shoulda fuckin' told one of us that he had a girl back home. What the hell was he gonna do about you when the war ended, huh?" he growled, pulling me tighter against him. I smiled against his shoulder then leaned away to look up into his face.

"Look at you going all big brother on me," I teased weakly. Babe took one look at me before snorting and chuckling. Raking his hand through his hair, he grinned.

"Sorry, I guess we all just figured with the way he always acted around you that you were the first girl he'd ever fallen in love with. We were all wrong." I nodded, standing up and heaving an exhausted sigh that shook through the crevices and cracks of my chest. I was suddenly so tired and I could barely keep my eyes open, "Well, I'd say that all those sleepless nights are finally catching up to you." Babe flung an arm around my waist and helped me back into the back where the bedroom was. I silently thanked God that it was on the first floor. I was hardly aware of Babe laying me down on the bed and closing the curtains. One moment, I saw his blurry silhouette a few feet away and then all I knew was the dark oblivion of sleep.

My finger nails digging into the palms of my hands woke me. My body jolted upwards, my lips parted in a silent gasp of astonishment and shock. My skin was covered with a thin sheen of sweat and my pulse was thudding hard and fast against the confines of my body, desperately trying to seek a way out. I tried to relax, tried to loosen every tense muscle. But the harder I tried, the more flustered and dizzy I became.

I couldn't shake the feeling of his hot breath on the beck of my neck or the feel of his calloused hands rubbing sensuous circles against my hip. I closed my eyes, swinging my legs over the side of the bed, and running a hand through my hair.

I'd gotten my pulse down to a steady and manageable pace before the soft knock on the door shot it upward again. I quieted the urge to scream. That wouldn't get me anywhere and I knew that there was nothing to be worried about anyway. If it was Ron, then we were just going to his room to talk. I was convinced that the last thing he would want to do was have sex with me. So there was really no reason for me to be freaking out so much. Heaving a calming sigh, I stood up and crossed the room to the door.

"Who is it?" I asked through the thick slab of wood, silently praying that it wasn't Ron yet. I needed a few minutes to get ready. I looked at my watch, the one that Perco had given me a few days ago, and saw that it was 7:45. Turning my face toward the window on the opposite side of the room, I watched the sun dip behind the sky line. Darkness descended on the world. It was serene and beautiful.

"It's me," Ron's voice called through the wood. My entire body went rigid. My pulse raced inside the caverns of my chest and my mouth went completely dry. My knees wobbled under the burden of my weight and I had to grip the door handle to keep myself standing.

"R-ron?" I croaked. I hear him clear his throat before taking a few shuffling steps closer to the door. It was unnerving to think that all that separated us was a slab of wood and our own clothes. I closed my eyes, placing my forehead against the door and trying to steady my breathing.

"Are you okay, Becca?" he asked me, his voice a gentle caress along the length of my body. My skin tingled with desire and I had to suppress a moan as I realized that I still had to get ready.

"I'm fine," I replied, turning on my heel and crossing the room to the wardrobe in the corner. There had to be something in there that would fit me, "I'll be out in a moment." I heard his deep chuckle in response.

"Okay, take your time." I smiled, shaking my head and feeling the gentle brush of my hair against my shoulders. My trembling fingers cracked open the doors of the wardrobe, revealing a line of dresses that were a myriad of different colors and styles.

I marveled at the feel of silk garments and velvet cloth brushing against the pads of my fingers. I stared at all the fabrics, calculating which ones I would try on and which ones I would leave in the wardrobe. As if on instinct, I wrapped my hand around a green cotton dress. Pulling it out of the closet, I realized it might just be a perfect fit on me. I held it up in front of my body as I stood before the floor-length mirror, trying to imagine what it would look like on me. The sleeves were two inches in length, the bodice slim down to the empire waist. Then it flared out in a silken array of folds that would reach down to the tops of my knees. Shrugging my shoulders, I peeled off all my clothes and slipped it on. I twisted my arm to zip it up and with a bit of struggle, I finally turned back to the mirror to look at myself. I almost gasped in surprise. My skin was pale enough that the green of the dress looked incredible on me. I blushed, feeling my body tingling with desire again. I could only hope that Ron liked it on me. Skittering across the rough carpet, I searched the bottom of the wardrobe for a pair of heels or flats. I found a pair of black one-inch heels at the very back. I grabbed them, slipped them on my feet, and then went back to the door.

"Okay, Ron, I'm ready," I said, unable to keep the grin off my face as I opened the door. He was leaning against the side of the house, his fingers curled around a cigarette and his face dimly lit by the orange light appearing on the tip. When he saw me, his hand dropped to his side and his lips parted in a sly smile.

"Well, if I knew we were dressing up, I would have found something a little more debonaire," he said, his eyes roving over the length of my body. I flushed from my toes to the roots of my hair. Suddenly, I was glad for the darkness. The moon was shining down on us from its low spot on the horizon. A light breeze blew my hair around my face. I closed my eyes for a moment, reveling in the cool caresses of nature. Ron's fingers closed around mine. His heat replaced the cold and I was left feeling dazed and full of heated passion for him.

"You look beautiful," he whispered against the side of my face, pulling me along beside him as we made our way back to his room. I smiled, blushing again and ducking my head.

"Well, I'm glad all my effort didn't go to waste then," I said in a short burst of courage. His chuckle rumbled through his chest and filled me with so much want and need that I was sure I would explode. If this was what I could expect, I was in for a really long night. I closed my eyes, forcing myself to take deep breaths. This was nothing more than the two of us talking. God, I was stupid to put on this ridiculous dress and parade around in front of him like I was trying to get him to notice me. I suppressed a groan of frustration toward myself. I knew that it wouldn't do either of us any good to regret what I'd done now. Ron's tug on my arm stopped and my eyelids flew open just as something warm and thick landed over my eyes. Ron pressed the length of his body against me. He was all heat and corded muscles. That woodsy, masculine smell that always permeated the air around him filled my nostrils. I sucked in a deep breath. I felt like I could almost breathe in the very essence of him.

"Ron, why are you covering my eyes?"

"I want you to be surprised," he whispered, his teeth grazing the shell of my ear and making my skin crawl with goosebumps. I shuddered, pressing myself more firmly against him. I could feel the hard length of his erection on the curve of my butt. I was utterly breathless as he moved us forward, every nerve in my body tingling with the need to have that tension released. Trying to concentrate on anything but how much I wanted to turn around and throw my arms around him, I strained my ears to hear anything of what was going on around me. My sense were zinging with hyper-awareness and I had to gulp down the questions that were burning the inside of my mouth.

The sound of a doorknob being twisted and then the groan of metal scraping against metal as he opened the door made me gasp softly. He walked us in, making short work of kicking the door closed and wrapping his body securely around mine again.

"Ready?" I nodded, giggling and feeling giddy all of a sudden. I felt the pressing weight of his palms lift from my eyes and I opened them with only a second's hesitation.

"Oh," I whispered, my pupils adjusting to the dim lights of the candles spaced all around the room. The candlelight flashed against the clear crystal vases that were scattered on the tables in the middle of the bedroom and on either side of the large, four-poster bed. I walked slowly toward the table and bent down to look closer at the flowers in the vase. They were bouquets of wild flowers. Purples, whites, yellows, and reds peeked up at me and filled me with a wondrous joy. In the midst of all this war, the fact that he could still find something so innocent and beautiful growing in nature was a miracle that I'd begun to take for granted. Then again, I'd been too caught up between Ron and Bill to really notice much of anything for the longest time.

Ron's arms encircled my waist. He placed a gentle kiss on my temple before leaning away again. It was almost as if he was nervous. His hands were shaking slightly on my skin and I could feel the frantic beat of his heart in the place between my shoulder blades.

"Do you-do you like it?" he asked me. I turned in his arms, pressing the front of my body against him. I laid a gentle kiss on his cheek, my lips lingering there for a moment while I answered him.

"I love it. Thank you so much," I whispered. I could feel him shiver and had to quell a sly grin that died immediately on my lips. He turned his head, his mouth hovering only inches away from my own. I stared up into his eyes. Mesmerized as never before by the light that glinted in the dark depths of his irises. His hands moved from my waist to tangle themselves in my hair. He smiled gently, his look more tender than I'd ever seen it. His eyes flashed between my own unfaltering gaze and my quivering lips.

"I've wanted to do this for the longest time," he said, his voice as soft as his touch and his eyes.

"Do what?" I asked him, my eyelids dropping over my eyes in emphatic trepidation. The whisper of his breath settled along the puckered line of my lips. And the beating of his heart thumped erratically against the palm of my hand which had landed on his chest.

"To weave my fingers through your hair while I kissed you," he whispered before descending upon me.

His kiss was more perfect, more wonderful than I remembered. There was something there in the delicate brush of his soft lips caressing my own that spoke of the asking of forgiveness as well as the love that he was sheltering in his heart. I moaned into his mouth, pouring the essence of my very soul into that kiss. My hands cupped the soft column of his neck as I licked his bottom lip. Begging for entrance, I pushed away all the doubts and all the fears that were swirling through my brain. For now, there was nothing but the bubbling attraction and the unwavering heat that reached out with gentle tendrils and wrapped our bodies in an intricate dance as old as time. He parted his lips. We explored each other as if for the first time. And in a way, this was our first time together. All alone with no other distractions. Just us. There was something magical in that and I hugged him closer to me as I was swept up in the passion and desire stewing just under my skin. He pulled away, his chest heaving against mine. He stared down at me, the pupils of his eyes had gone completely black in the darkness of the room. His gaze was heated and full of a desperate hunger that set my skin afire. One of his hands moved from my hair down to the back of my thigh. Grabbing my leg and hooking it around his hip, I gave a little squeal of surprise. I didn't need his encouragement to wrap my other leg around his waist. His hands settled under my butt, holding me tightly against his bulging manhood. I moaned, throwing my head back and grinding into him. He stumbled toward the bed, his lips moving desperately along my neck in frenzied need. My fingers moved down his chest, twisting the buttons of his jacket until it fell gently open. I slipped the clothing from his shoulders, my hands delving beneath his white t-shirt to feel the ridges of his abs and the hair that lightly tickled my palms on his chest.

"God, I've missed you, Becca, I don't know how much longer I can hold myself back," Ron whispered, his forehead falling onto the hollow between my shoulder and my neck.

"Don't hold back, Ron," I whispered, slipping the shirt off of him and tossing it to the floor. I stared at him, feeling all the love and desire for him trembling at the core of my body. I was ready for him. I could feel the liquid heat pooling between my thighs.

He growled, clambering up onto the bed beside me. His fingers attacked my dress, unzipping it with ruthless haste and tossing it to the ground. I lay there, nearly naked and waited for him to make the next move. His hands found my breasts. I threw my head back with a mewling sound that rose from the back of my throat. His thumbs teased and twisted my nipples into two hard buds of pure pleasure, coaxing the heady fires already building within me.

"Ron," I moaned softly, grasping the loops of his pants and silently begging him to stop teasing me. I needed him so badly. So badly it almost hurt. All I knew was the hunger within me. For his body, for his soul. Something dark and dangerous had possessed me, turning me into a desperate, needy bundle of nerves. My thoughts were blissfully blank except for the intense need to have him inside me. When he didn't move to help me, I undid the button and zipper of his pants. My fingers delved between the dark expanse between his thighs to caress his erection. It pressed eagerly against my hand, begging me for attention. Ron let loose a guttural moan that shook me to the very core of my being. He grabbed my wrist, pushing away my hand.

"My God, you do that and I won't last another moment," he gasped, his voice so hoarse it didn't even sound like him anymore. He slid his pants and his boxers off in a swift, fluid movement that almost seemed practiced. I waited for the recoil of that knowledge, but it never came. He was poised over my entrance and all thought seemed to escape me as he plunged within my tight, moist folds. Him pushing his way inside me brought me screaming me his name and clawing at his back. Searching desperately for something to hold me down or else I'd float away into the dark oblivion. Pleasure ripped through me in wave upon wave. He rode out my orgasm, making sure to keep his strokes slow and gentle so that he wouldn't follow me so soon. I slumped against the pillows, pulling him down for a breathtaking kiss.

"You're so tight, Becca," Ron whispered as he began to rock his hips in a slow and steady rhythm. My body was poised again for another round. I rose to meet his hips. The soft slap of skin on skin brought the liquid heat between my legs to a boil. I moaned, throwing my head back.

"Harder, Ron, please. I don't want gentle tonight. Please, just take me," I told him, my chest heaving as I tried to find air in the thick tension in the room. Above me, I could see Ron grin. He leaned down over me, his teeth and lips skimming along the shell of my ear and making me writhe beneath him.

"Harder? You want it harder?" he asked me, the muscles in his legs and hips flexing as he did as I asked, "Like this?" I wrapped my legs around his waist, changing the angle as he thrust in and out of me harder and faster than he ever had.

"Yes, God!" I groaned, the precipice of ecstasy and pleasure appearing as bright spots on my horizon. I could feel that he was close too. All we needed was one last push, one last thrust. It came a moment later in a crescendo of screams and tightening of our bodies against each other. We descended that long winding stair of blinding pleasure into oblivion. We rode the waves of our passion until he finally collapses on top of me. The weight of him against me was so calming, so reassuring. The sweat covering our bodies mingled and I wrapped my arms around him.

"That was..." Ron started, pulling out of me and rolling to my side. I snuggled against him, kissing his chest and settling against him as sleep forced my eyelids to close, "The best sex I've ever had in my life." I giggled, exhausted, leaning back slightly to stare into his eyes.

"Me too," I said, watching the understanding flood his dark eyes and hearing the deep rumble of his laughter through his chest and mine.

"This is only the second time-," he began but I kissed him gently to stop him from finishing that sentence.

"Doesn't matter," I whispered before settling back against his chest and letting sleep take me into a dreamless darkness that filled my heart and my soul with all the answers they had been seeking.

**So yes I'm ashamed to admit that this chapter was one of my favorites. Not only because it was full of sex (embarrassed smile) but also because Ron and Becca have finally made up. It's about time, as I'm sure a lot of you are thinking lol. I love the two of them though. I really hope that you guys do too. :) OH! I also thought that I would tell you guys that there are 6 chapters left in this story. It's so sad, but it's been a year since I started this story if you can believe it. I started chapter one on December 24th of last year. I still can't believe it sometimes. Thanks so much to all of you who have been here from the beginning. I can't tell any of you just how much your support means to me! 3 Just know that I love you all and if I could, I would give you each a hug for being so amazingly awesome. **

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men that are portrayed in this fanfic. I only own my OCs and any original plot that you do not recognize. **


	41. You Ruined Me For Life

_Now I'm in this misery_

_I can't be with anyone_

_Since I felt our worlds collide_

_It's like I almost died_

_The way you make me feel_

_I'm changing, got me breaking down inside_

_Baby can't you see _

_You ruined me for like_

"_You Ruined Me" by JC Chasez_

**Ron's POV**

I awoke to the sound of birds chirping in the trees outside the window. I opened my eyes and felt my mind and chest ache with remembrance of all that we had done last night. The sex was even more liberating than I'd ever imagined it would be. Nearly five months of tension was released in that sacred, timeless dance and I could feel a heavy weight lifting off my shoulders. Just maybe, this was the point where our relationship would turn. This time, I was sure that there would be no hesitance and no disruptions.

I watched the rays of sunlight filtering through the windows and shining as bright patterns on Rebecca's skin. Her black curls were stretched in a dark fan across the white expanse of her pillow. The sheets were pooled along the curve of her hips. Her breasts were just visible beneath the slim line of her ribs and arms. As if of its own volition, my hand reached out to her and stroked the soft skin of her body. I felt myself grow hard just thinking about all that we had done and all that we had said only a few short hours ago. I realized that she'd needed this just as much as I had and for that I was filled, for the first time in a long while, with a complete sense of satisfaction.

Needing to feel her soft skin against mine, I scooted toward her and threw an arm around her waist. Pressing my lips to her, I made a thin trail along the length of her spine. She arched beneath my touch. A moan tore from her lips and I could feel her muscles bunching together in pleasure and excitement.

"Ron," she groaned, her eyes opening slowly as she shed off the last remnants of her sleep. Her bright blue pools were glimmering with love. I felt my heart clench painfully at the realization that I could have given her that happiness a long time ago. If only I hadn't been so stubborn and hard-headed...

Her hand on my cheek pulled me from my thoughts.

"What's got you thinking so hard this early in the morning?" she whispered, her lips brushing against my own in what was supposed to be a light, gentle caress. But torn between my own guilt and desperation, I clung to her suddenly. Hopelessly, I pulled her tightly to my chest and held her to me, wishing that I could take back all the hurt and all the pain I'd caused her. I was seized with my love for her, my need to see her happy. I knew then what I'd never known before. I would give up my own happiness for her. If it meant that I wasn't the best man for her, if it meant that I would be giving her up to a better life, then I would do it. I might not live through it, but I would do it.

"I love you, Becca. Do you know that?" I demanded of her, my voice a low growl in my throat as I tried to tell her silently what I could not admit aloud. The detached, indifferent side of me had become a permanent part of who I was and with that came a certain set of principles that I'd had to live by for so long that it was now impossible to forget them. Like forgetting to breathe. I held her tighter and felt for the first time since Mourmelon in November, whole. I felt like my life was worth something again, meant something, and that I was alive. Hope wriggled through the endless amount of cracks in my heart, filling the holes and making me see the silver lining.

Her lips and fingers stroking my chest was answer enough. She was so gentle, like the brush of a butterfly's wing against my skin. As if I might shatter at any moment. A trembling tenderness rushed through me, making me pull away from her and crash my lips onto hers. The next few minutes passed in a series of breath-taking kisses that filled my body with the first wave of euphoric passion and desire that always seemed to lurk under the surface of my skin for her. I pushed her back amongst the pillows and stared down the length of her body. Her chest was heaving. The legs in her muscles were thin cords rippling and flexing beneath the spread of my eager hands. Her lips were swollen and pink amongst the pale skin that was stretched like the leaves of a white rose on her face. Those bright blue expanses of ocean looked up at me with so much love, so much passion, that I quaked with burning longing as I pushed her legs farther apart and pushed inside of her.

"Ron, get out of bed!" Rebecca shouted over the noise of my encroaching dreams. I listened to the gentle shuffle of her feet as she walked around the room and pulled on her clothes one at a time. Flipping over onto my back, I placed my arms behind my head and grinned at her. She sent me a glare, her eyes narrowing and her lips thinning into two thin pink lines. As I took in the messy array of her dark curls and the flush still covering her cheeks, I knew that she had never looked more beautiful to me than in that moment. I felt my face transform. It softened until all the teasing had fled from my expression. She zipped that slinky green dress up by twisting her arm and kept her eyes glued adamantly to the ground. I could see the furrow between her eyebrows and I knew it meant she was thinking hard about something. She bit her lip, her eyes rolling upward to meet my gaze.

"You know, I keep wondering how long this is going to last," she muttered, her voice just above a whisper to squeeze my heart. I stared at her, knowing that this was the moment when I would tell her that it would last for forever if she would let me stay by her side. This was the moment to ask her to be my wife and make our relationship permanent and everlasting. But I dropped my gaze from her face and slipped out of bed. Pulling on my boxers and pants from their wrinkled pile on the floor, I strode toward her. Cupping her face in my hands, I laid a gentle kiss on her lips. My throat was sealed tightly shut, making it impossible to say anything to her at that moment. I poured my words into that kiss, hoping against hope that she would understand what she meant to me. It was all I could do, because somehow it seemed like this wasn't the time to ask her to marry me. Not yet anyway.

**Becca's POV**

"You know, I keep wondering how long this is going to last," I muttered. I could feel his eyes on me, scrutinizing every inch of my face until he knew exactly what I was thinking. I didn't bother trying to cut off the emotions fleeing like ghosts through my eyes. I wanted him to know that I felt like this happiness, this uncontainable joy could not last. I didn't deserve it. Not after all that I had done to him, to Bill, to Britney and his unborn child. There was a nagging feeling twisting and clenching my stomach into knots. A feeling that the worst for me was yet to come. We were only in the eye of the storm, not yet clear of it completely.

I was lost in my thoughts, so swept up in the misery that was soon to be mine forever, that I gasped when his lips caressed my own. It was soft and chaste, nothing like those kisses we'd shared last night. My hands slip up his arms of their own volition. My fingers captured his hair and held his face firmly to my own. I could feel the strength in his body, the heat that was rolling outward in wave upon wave of warm reassurance. And I knew then what he could not say out loud. I knew that he wanted us to last, to get away from war and really try being together. I would never be able to tell him just how much I wanted that too. I loved him so much it was a constant ache now in my chest, one that I would never be rid of.

Pulling away from him and setting my head on his chest, I felt like just for this one moment, I was happy. I tried to lock it away in my memory for when things weren't as good between us. It would be this moment that got me through the bad times. And the love of this man that would last me for a thousand bad memories to come.

Sitting in a seat beside Ron, I couldn't help but look at the men around us. They all looked tired. Tired of war, even if we'd been here in Germany without any enemy activity for close to a month. I noticed the bags under their eyes and the seemingly permanent wrinkles around the corners of their mouths when they frowned. It was heartbreaking to see and I knew then more than ever that all of us would be forever changed because of our experiences here. Movement next to me brought my gaze to rest on Nixon. He was fidgeting with the neck of his bottle of Vat 69. I watched the light glimmer on its green surface with a feeling of unease. After a moment of just staring at his fingers, he tightened his hold on the bottle and started to pour the contents into his glass. When the bottle ran dry, he let out a soft sigh that no one but me heard.

My heart clenched at the sight when his eyes filled with a hopeless sorrow. It broke my heart to see him like that, the man who'd saved me so many months ago. In that moment, I realized exactly what the alcohol was for him. It was an escape from this Hell on Earth. It was the distraction that he so helplessly clung to to keep him from feeling the full effects of the war.

He put the bottle down, determination flooding his expression as he stood from the table, "Nah, I'm out." I realized that they'd called for him to place his bet. I glanced back at Ron, whose eyes were full of curiosity. Then, he turned back to watch the game when Lipton piped up and threw down two dollars on the table.

"Alright, I'll raise you two dollars then," he said, a slight curl to the corners of his lips. I giggled, watching the light flicker behind Ron's eyes. I reached through the distance between our bodies and placed my hand on his leg. He stiffened immediately and I saw the tension in the line of his arms and his chest.

"Becca," he warned in a low growl that only I could hear. I shot him a glare before taking my hand away. Harry sent us a knowing glance before leaning back and stuffing a cigarette between his teeth. Lighting it, he sucked in a long draw before the smoke drifted from his open mouth and floated upward to join the smoke from the others at the roof of the room.

"I can't believe we're not dropping into Berlin," he said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"No shit," Ron muttered distractedly.

"Ike's gonna let the Ruskies have it." Ron and Lipton chuckled. A noise from one of the bedrooms in the back brought my attention back to the man who'd left the table. He was rummaging through his footlocker. His fingers moved the articles aside in an almost frantic move to find a single bottle of Vat 69. When he didn't find it, he threw his hands up a little.

"Yeah, well this war ain't about whose fighting anymore. It's about who gets what," Ron's voice brought my attention back from Nixon. I glanced at him, seeing him staring adamantly at his hand.

"Go ahead and deal me out the next hand," Nixon called over his shoulder. I snapped my head up, catching his eyes at the last moment. He was pulling his jacket around his shoulders as he headed toward the door.

"What about your money?" The sound of the door slamming closed was the only answer Ron got. I stared at the door, my stomach seizing again in a desperate attempt to warn me against whatever was going to happen. I couldn't explain it, it was just a horrible feeling in the hollow of my throat. Like a ticking clock set to go off, I knew that Nixon was waiting for a chance to lash out. To release the tension he held so close to his heart.

Without hesitation, I jumped to my feet and laid a hand on Ron's shoulder.

"Now where the hell are you going?" he asked me, his eyes full of curiosity and something else I could not identify. It made me feel sick to my stomach as I wondered if he still didn't trust me after all that I'd done to prove to him otherwise. This was something I had to do. I owed my life to the man wandering around in the rain outside without an ounce of alcohol in this house. I could tell that he needed someone, anyone to talk to. I wasn't a martyr and I certainly wasn't a hero, but I was hoping that he'd at least see that I was trying to help him.

"Ron, I can't explain it, but I'm scared for him. I think he needs help. Don't take this the wrong way," I said, pleading silently with my tightened grip on his shoulder for him to understand. If he couldn't trust me, then this would never work. No matter how much I loved him. He stared at me, his dark eyes softening infinitesimally before he nodded.

"Alright, just be careful. And for God's sake, put on a jacket," he growled, glaring down at his hand of cards for a moment. I smiled, my lungs letting go of the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. I bent toward him, my lips grazing his cheek.

"Thank you," I whispered before rushing toward the door after Nix. Outside the rain was pouring over the town of Sturzelberg with an unrelenting force that nearly drove all noise and all sight from my detection. I focused all my attention on trying to see through the rushing torrents of water in my eyes as I plunged into the gaping abyss of the night. Water splashed along my boots and skimmed the bottoms of my pants. Water dripped into my eyes and soaked me through to the bone within one minute of standing in the tears of the heavens. I heaved a sigh, wondering if this was as useless as it seemed to be. Then I saw him walking through the shattered glass of a vandalized liquor shop. I gasped, the pounding wind and rain covering the noise up. I knew somehow from the look on his face that he'd done it. Running forward just as the MPs showed up, I tried desperately to understand just what had driven him to this. I'd known-we'd all known-that Nixon had a problem with alcohol. He was the company drunk and it nearly always fell on Dick to drag him away from the bars and deposit him safely in his bedroom. It was a hell of a job and seeing the scene unfold before me, I certainly didn't envy him the job.

The sounds of the Military Police sifting through the shattered remains of the store's window to search for the man who'd done it fluttered away amidst the crash of thunder in the distance and the rain pounding into the sides of my face. Lightning streaked across the sky, illuminating Nixon's receding silhouette a short distance away. My heart tightened in on itself before I ran forward and caught his arm.

"Nix!" I shouted as he turned to face me with a blank expression on his face, "Nix, what's gotten into you? This isn't you. Breaking into liquor stores. What's wrong?" He stared at me, his lips twisting into a grim smile.

"I'm sick of this fucking war, that's what's wrong with me. And I'm tired of seeing the Germans living in luxury here when we've been out there fighting against their brothers and fathers," Nixon shouted, his eyes suddenly turning to two gleaming points of light in the darkness. I saw that he was burning slowly from within. His soul was being eaten away at by battle fatigue. I wished suddenly there was someway I could send him back to the States. We were all tired of war but Nix was drowning in the flood of his helplessness and desperation to be rid of all the carnage and violence we'd been seeing since the beginning. I moved my hand from his arm down to his hand. Taking his fingers in mine, I gave them a gentle squeeze.

"Nix, you know you don't have to go through this alone. I'm here if you ever need to talk. You know that," I told him, trying to give him something to hold onto. I couldn't stand the sight of the man in front of me. Mostly because my own selfishness had prevented me from seeing it from the start. If I'd been less self-absorbed then I could have stopped this. I felt tears burning at the backs of my eyes and willed them away. This was not the time for crying. I had to be strong.

My wall of strength broke suddenly as Nix brushed my hand away. There was fury in his eyes, in his face, when he glared down at me. His lips were set in a feral frown that sent shudders rolling up and down my spine.

"And what the hell do you know about it, Becca? You've been following Guarnere and Speirs around, for over half the war. You have no idea what any of us has gone through because you've been too wrapped up in your selfishness. This is why the Army doesn't let women out on the battlefront!" he yelled above the loud din of the thunder and rain, "So next time you try to tell me that you're here for me to talk to, consider the fact that I don't want your help. I don't _need _your help!" With that he swerved unsteadily on his heel and was swallowed up by the dark shadows slinking about my vision. I sucked in a shallow breath, tears finally spilling out of my eyes and mixing with the droplets of water falling on my face.

Nix was right. I hadn't done anything in this war but be a burden to Easy Company. Was it possible to feel so guilty and ashamed as I did right then? It was something I knew I would have to confront sooner or later. And now here it was staring me straight in the face. It's fingers gripped me so tightly that I cried out, my sobs racking relentlessly through my chest and making me ache all over with pain. I clutched at my sides. Desperately, I tried to push the thoughts and doubts riding my back and crushing my chest into near oblivion. My blood ran hot with it. All I could do was stand up again and walk back to the room Ron and I were sharing now.

I don't know how long I stayed out there in the pouring rain, but when I got back Ron was there asleep in bed. I tip-toed into the room, trying to be as quiet as I could so I wouldn't wake him. Slipping the dripping clothes off of my shuddering body, I grabbed a towel from the adjoining bathroom and dried my hair and skin as best as I could. I watched the flickering rays of the light overhead paint shadows across my skin. All the sun we'd seen here in the last month had put a faint tan to my skin. I folded the towel up again and placed it by the sink before flipping the light switch and approaching the bed. I watched the gentle rise and fall of Ron's chest. I couldn't help but think that if I'd ever wanted to see something for the rest of my life, this would be it. To crawl into bed every night with him on one side and me on the other.

I slid on the covers, my cold feet resting lightly against his own. I heard the soft intake of his breath and watched, enthralled, as his eyelids lifted from his dark irises. His gaze landed on me and he sent me a tired smile.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," I whispered, reaching out and smoothing his hair away from his eyes. His hair had grown so long since Haguenau. It was smooth to the touch though. I realized he must have taken a shower while I was gone. At that thought, I felt the despair gather around my heart anew. I ducked my head and slipped all the way under the covers, turning my back to him. I didn't want him to see me like this, didn't want him to see me as just another pitiful and helpless girl. I felt so weak and so used up inside. I knew it was because the entire time I'd been here, I'd been fooling myself. Lying to myself about being the one to help the men through the horrors of Bastogne. I'd been useless in that department. In fact, the only useful thing I'd ever done for Easy seemed to be when I'd been captured. At least then they didn't have to watch out for me in combat. At least then I'd been a distant thought in each of their minds.

Ron's lips on my back brought me reeling through the swirls of my own inner thoughts until it was just him and I laying side by side in a queen-sized bed. I sighed heavily, my lips parted in a silent gasp of pleasure as his teeth grazed along the sensitive skin on the back of my neck.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he muttered. His hot breath blew a sensuous trail along my back following the track of his kisses on my skin. I shuddered, my fingers wrapping themselves up in the sheets on the bed to keep me from turning in his arms. I had to focus and for that, I could not face him. Not yet anyway.

"I just-I can't help but feel like I've been a complete nuisance to Easy and to you ever since I got here," I whispered. I was so quiet that I hardly heard the sound of my own voice. But when Ron's body went rigid against mine, I knew he'd heard what I had to say perfectly. He growled, his hands tightening on my hips.

"Is this about Nixon? What the hell did he say to you?" he demanded. This time, I did turn to face him. Staring up into his dark eyes, I knew what he would say to me.

"No-I guess he just made me realize what I already knew. Ron, I've not done anything for this company to earn my place here. All I manage to do is get captured or wounded and make people worry about me." I avoided his gaze, looking down at my hands which were splayed across his strong chest. His fingers curling around my chin and lifting my face to his pulled a gasp from my throat. He leaned forward and kissed me softly on the lips.

"Don't believe a word he says, Becca. I've seen you with them. You've done more for them than you can ever know. I don't know what we all would have done without you," he told me, his eyes shining brightly as a flash of lightning bathed the room in bright light. I smiled, inching closer to him until our bodies were flush against each other. I kissed along the column of his neck, nibbling him in all the places that would make him shiver the most. He groaned, pulling away before I could feel the length of him grow hard and firm against my thigh.

"You are the worst influence," he grinned, throwing his arm around my waist. I rolled my eyes before closing them and breathing evenly through my nose. Before I fell asleep, I felt his lips on my hair as he pulled me to his chest once more. My hand fell to the place on his chest where the beat of his heart pumped a placid rhythm against my open palm.

_Cold soaked through my torn clothes. It filled my bones with a renewed vigor. Not of heat but of desperation. I had to find Bill. He was my only chance of getting away from this frozen Hell on Earth. I had nothing left. No one to turn to, no one to love or take care of but the growing baby inside me. _

_I could feel it kicking its legs gently against my stomach. A reminder that it was there and a reminder that no matter how far I had fallen in the span of only a few months, I still had our baby to look after. It was the last thing I had of him except for a white t-shirt. Tears stung the backs of my eyes for what felt like the millionth time that night. Would I ever get over the pain? Would I ever get over the hurt that I'd caused myself? As the tears slid down my face one after another, I couldn't help but think that no, the gaping hole in my chest would never go away. There was no way to ever repair the damage that had been done. Not now-not ever. _

I shot upwards in bed, the sheets pooling in a soaked pool about my waist. The dream had been so hauntingly real. A shot of fear plunged through my chest, making me believe for a moment that maybe I was being warned. Just maybe the happily ever after that I thought was in my grasp really wasn't. Like all the good things in my life, it would vanish in a split second to be replaced by a large, empty hole as the remainder of my existence.

A loud pounding on the door brought me out of my thoughts. I nearly screamed with surprise, my fingers scrambling for the sheets to hold them up to my chest.

"Yes?"

"Becca, we're moving out in an hour. Time to get the hell out of bed!" Babe shouted through the thick wood blocking him from the view of me naked in Ron's bed. I rolled my eyes, hearing the amusement in his voice.

"Yeah, you go laugh it up, you Jackass!" I yelled after him, earning a laugh that echoed in my ears long after he'd gone. I jumped to my feet and searched through my bag to throw on a new uniform. The one I'd been wearing yesterday was still laying in a cold, drenched pile in the corner of the room by the bathroom. Shaking my head, I gathered it up and threw it into my bag. I'd have to lay those clothes out to dry later. For now, I had to get ready to leave. Luckily, I'd left most of my stuff in my bag. Ron hadn't known how long we'd be staying here, so he thought it would be smart to refrain from getting too comfortable.

I hoisted my bag over my shoulder along with my medical bag before leaving the room and following the line of people moving towards the trucks in the middle of the town. I spotted Babe's bright red hair immediately and made my way over to him.

"Hey, Babe!" I called over the noise in the square surrounding us. He turned, grinning down at me with a cigarette planted between his lips. I threw my bag up to him.

"Jesus, woman, your bag is light. Not like Bull's over there," he said, nodding his head toward where Tony Garcia was lugging Randleman's bag over the edge of their truck and complaining about the weight. I giggled, taking Babe's offered hand. He hauled me upwards as if I weighed nothing and set me down in a seat right beside him. He slapped my knee before throwing his arm around my shoulder.

"I missed ya, Smalls," he said, grinning like an idiot. Webster and Liebgott rolled their eyes on the other side of Babe.

"Get a room, you two!" Lieb muttered.

"Far as I know, she's been holed up pretty good with Speirs," Ramirez chuckled, sending me a teasing wink as he settled into his own seat on the other side of the aisle. I frowned before getting an idea. Smiling wickedly at them all, I nodded excitedly.

"You know what? You're right. And I gotta tell you, last night was probably the best of my whole life. When I got in-," I started before Babe clapped a hand over my mouth.

"Shut up, Becca. No one wants to know about your midnight rendezvous with our Company Commander," he said. I giggled, crossing my arms over my chest with a satisfied smirk.

"Good. And if you know what's good for you, you'll all keep your mouths shut about the two of us."

"Yes ma'am," they all said in unison. I stretched my legs out, my head falling against Babe's shoulder as the drivers called for all of us to get into the trucks. I didn't know where we were headed now, but I felt somehow that it was just the next step to the end. It would put us even closer to getting out of here, for which I was more excited than I could ever really say.

**Okay so I know I'm a horrible person because I haven't updated in almost two months, but I do have an excuse. Pitiful though it may be. I recently discovered that I am a Gleek. I have been watching Glee episodes on and off for the past month and a half and I was hooked on the first episode. I actually just posted a one-shot in that section if you want to check it out. Of course, no pressure. :D Also during the past month and a half I was home from college. I wasn't on the computer all that much and when I was I guess I was more concerned with reading other people's fics than worrying about my own. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter anyways. And I hope that you can all forgive me for it's extreme tardiness. **

**Oh and in case some of you haven't heard, Richard Winters passed away a few weeks ago. I balled like a baby when I heard the news and I still think about it every day and it makes me really, really sad. This chapter is dedicated to him and the rest of Easy Company, both living and **

**those who have passed on to that great beyond which I believe is Heaven. **

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Easy Company. I only own my OCs and any original plot that you do not recognize. **


	42. Just Breathe

_Cause you can't jump the truck, we're like cars on a cable_

_And life's like an hourglass glued to the table_

_No one can find the rewind button, girl_

_So cradle your head in your hands_

_And breathe, just breathe_

"_Breathe" by Anna Nalick_

**Becca's POV**

**April 29, 1945**

Looking across the aisle and to the sides of me, I couldn't help but notice all the conversations. I felt my heart swell and tears came to my eyes when I realized that they were all so close to seeing their families and sweethearts again. Though, it did make my chest throb with pain knowing that I didn't have a family to go home to. Easy Company was my family, my reason for existing any more. Ron I felt in my heart would leave me eventually. There was no way that he wouldn't find something prettier, something much smarter and funnier, to be with than me. My blood boiled in my veins at the thought of it, but I knew I couldn't begrudge him any happiness. Just like I had accepted Bill marrying someone else, I could accept Ron doing it. It would kill me. I had no doubts about that, but I could do it if they were happy.

Suddenly, I felt trapped. Trapped in a prison constructed of my own misgivings, my own regrets, and guilts. My lungs were fit to burst with air that would not pass through my tightened throat. I stared up at the sky, at the birds gliding slowly across the blue expanse of horizon overhead, and thought that this was what it was like to realize that you had nothing left to hold onto. Everyone was leaving me. Bill, the men, even Ron. Sooner or later, I knew that everyone would leave me and I would be all alone in the world. There was nothing for me here, nothing to keep me going, except for the men surrounding me.

Someone's shoulder clipping my own startled me from my depressing turn of thoughts. I gasped, turning to the source of the interruption. Babe was grinning down at me, his hands flung up in what looked to be a funny story. Trying to school my face, I stared up at him and felt my heart break inside. For the first time in a long time, I had just a friend in him. There was no chance of him being attracted to me and even though he was very handsome, my heart had already been stolen away. Twice. And I didn't know if I would ever get it back. When his hand closed around my own, I knew that I'd failed in trying to keep my emotions in check. I'd never been good at it. Except for those points in my life when everything had just sort of bleached away to make my world one of simply white and black. When nothing had been able to touch me. After my father had died and when I'd found out that Britney was pregnant.

"You retreat so far into your mind sometimes, Becca," Babe muttered, his fingers spasming around my own to bring me back out of my head. I stared up at him, tears suddenly glistening in my eyes. I shook my head, trying to smile through the pain and the sorrow, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just-I keep thinking that sooner or later, you're all going home and I won't be able to follow," I said, speaking so quietly that he had to lean forward to hear me. When he pulled away, his blue eyes were alight with something vigorous and determined.

"Becca, you listen to me!" he said, gripping me tighter than he ever had before. As if he meant to hold onto me forever, "You know that you always have a place with me or with Bill. If that bastard leaves you out in the cold, you come to south Philly. You look us up and we'll help you out. Just because the war is ending doesn't mean that you have to disappear again. And just because Bill's married doesn't mean that he loves you any less. Okay?" Looking up into his face was like shooting an arrow through my own heart. It contracted painfully until it swallowed the pain whole. I pushed it away, ignoring it and hoping that someday it would recede to nothing but a dull throb on the periphery of my consciousness. I couldn't tell him that no matter how much he believed what he'd said, it could never be true. Bill obviously didn't love me as much as he claimed he did. And Babe-I would feel so guilty about intruding on his life when he was trying to build himself up in a Post-War America. I couldn't do it, wouldn't do it to either of them. So, all I could do was push away the pain and smile up at him like nothing was wrong.

"Thanks, Babe, it's good to hear you say that," I whispered, squeezing his hand one more time before letting it go and putting my hands in my lap. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the grin that appeared on his face. I smiled too, knowing that for once I had fooled everyone else. For once, I could pretend that everything was alright with me when really my whole world was crashing down.

I turned my face to the sky again, leaning my head on Babe's shoulder and closing my eyes. I felt all my worries fade away until there was nothing but me, the steady rise and fall of Babe's chest, and the men's voices. It lulled into a light sleep which was quickly interrupted by the trucks jolting to a stop beneath us. I sat up, not wanting to face reality again. Babe moved away from me and heard his feet impacting the dirt on the road. Opening my eyes at last, I looked over at him. He was watching me with a smile of his face, his blue eyes lighting up in amusement. I stood up, grabbing my medical bag and walking over toward him.

"Come on, Smalls, I ain't got all day to wait on ya," Babe chuckled. I glared at him, swatting away his hands and taking Bull's instead.

"Thanks, Bull," I said as he planted me on the ground.

"No problem. I think it's time _someone _around here treated you right," Bull said, sending me a wink. I watched him walk away with the cigar in his mouth. I realized that through the whole war, he'd smoked nothing but those cigars. No cigarettes. I shook my head, wondering how he managed to get a steady supply of them throughout the war when the whole of Europe was starving. I smiled and turned back to Babe who was staring at me with his mouth open.

"What? He's right you know. Didn't your mother ever teach you any manners?" I demanded teasingly, clipping his shoulder as I walked past. Babe appeared at my side, his fingers lacing through mine as he flipped a cigarette out of his pocket.

"Yeah she did, but only to real girls," he laughed before dancing out of the way of my hand.

"I am a real girl. Just because I kick ass doesn't change that," I laughed, managing to slap the top of his head at the last minute. He rubbed the spot before catching sight of something over my shoulder. He went rigid all over. He sent whoever it was a salute before turning away from me with a look of unease on his face. I turned around, my eyes landing immediately on Ron. He ducked behind the corner of the building with a hunger in his eyes that I'd come to know very well.

My heart began to race and my blood boiled in my veins. My lungs contracted painfully as my breath hitched in my throat. I moved toward the spot where he'd disappeared. Every nerve in my body was alight and my skin was already tingling with the feel of his lips and breath running like a heated whisper along my body. As I was turning the corner, his arm darted out and caught me by the waist. A yelp ripped through my throat and echoed in the resounding silence. I realized that it was the first time we'd been alone for a while. It seemed so strange that only two months ago, I'd been on the verge of losing everything and now I had him again. I felt so selfish in that moment, knowing that the rest of the men were missing their families and their girls back home while I had the world right next to me in the form of this man.

"You really think too much, you know," Ron growled, his lips laying lingering kisses along the length of my throat. My pulse thudded in a thick rhythm on the side of my neck, the melting pleasure pooling between my thighs. My fingers knotted themselves in his hair in a desperate attempt to hold onto something-anything-as his lips built me to a tumultuous crescendo of passionate heat. I gulped, pressing my back more firmly into the wall so that I could look up into his face.

Quirking an eyebrow, I whispered, "Then don't give me the time to think." His eyes misted over with lust and he closed the distance between our lips with a growl that shook me to the soles of my feet. My legs quaked beneath me and if it weren't for his hands on my hips, I would have slid to the ground. I moaned as his hands found my chest.

"God, I want you so badly right now," he gasped, pressing the proof of his arousal against me. I threw my head back, my body one infinite ball of pleasure and desire. My insides were liquifying and I could feel every bone melting under his gaze and under his hands. Only the skin where he was touching me seemed real and solid.

"Captain Speirs?" Lipton's voice pulled me from myself. Ron's lips laid a quick kiss on my lips before leaning away. He smirked, his desire shining in his eyes. I reached toward him, cupping his cheek.

"I love you," I whispered, biting my lip before letting my hand fall back to my side. He smiled at me. And for once it was filled with nothing but love. Love for me and for what all we had shared in these precious few weeks we'd spent together.

"I love you too. As soon as we get settled, I'll find you," he said, his voice so full of conviction that I had no choice but to believe him. My heart stuttered in my chest at the thought of his hands and lips moving over my body like that again. I nodded breathlessly and watched him walk away, knowing for once that he would come back just as he promised.

Rows upon rows of tired, worn out, men marched by us. Their heads were held high even in defeat. The steady pulse of the soles of their feet on the dirt was almost soothing. These men looked nothing like the monsters any of us believed that they were. If we were all being honest, they looked exactly like we did. The dark half-circles beneath their eyes betrayed how exhausted they were and the dirt streaked across their faces bore the mark of just how long they'd all gone without a proper shower. I cringed away from it, feeling in my heart that just maybe all the Germans weren't so terrible after all. They strove toward the same goal as we did. They were fighting for their country, for their wives, for their children. The Germans were trying to do what the felt was right and just.

As hard as I tried, I couldn't fault them for that. I couldn't fault them for much of anything. Looking into their pale, hardened faces was almost like looking in a mirror. But as Webster stood up at the back of the truck I was on, I knew that there would be Hell to pay. Web was educated and everyone of us knew to never get in a fight with him. He held an array of colorful, spiteful, words that were so insulting and so degrading that anyone would be ashamed to show their faces in public once he was through with them.

"Hey you!" Webster cried, holding onto the truck as he threw himself into the line of his screams across the dozens of lines of men. He was staring straight at the officers who were riding in a horse-drawn car, "That's right, you stupid Kraut bastards! Say hello to For and General fuckin' Motors. You stupid Fascist pigs. Look at you! You have horses. What were you thinking?" I grabbed a hold of his arm, trying to tug him back down in his seat. I could see Winters and Nixon staring at us from the jeep behind us and I felt a tremble of fear pass along my spine. There were so many of them-about 300,000 if Janovec had been right. We might have had the weapons, but they had the man power to take a lot of us down.

"Webster, Jesus, sit down!" I shouted, getting a firm grip on him and dragging him back down into his seat. He turned his head toward me, a shadow passing over his face. His bright azure eyes were alight with something I'd never really seen from him before. Pure and unadulterated rage. He set his lips in a tight line before leaning closer to me.

"You're telling me to stay silent after all they've done to us? You know better than anyone what the Germans can do-what they have done already. Becca, don't sit there and pretend that everything is alright when it really isn't," he told me. His words were so quiet that only I could hear them. His words built of crescendo of understanding within my breast. Suddenly I knew that he was right. Maybe the Germans were just like us, maybe we all did have a lot more in common than any of us had ever hoped and dreamed. But I couldn't deny him the simple relief of screaming obscenities and insults at them. He deserved that much after all he'd been through. So did the rest of the guys. Besides, I knew what atrocities the Germans had committed against the Jews and the Gypsies. The black and white images were seared like a scar across the surface of my brain until all I could see were the living, breathing corpses. Mere shadows of the people they'd once been. Reduced to ruin and misery at the hands of their fellow countrymen. I closed my eyes, letting my hand fall away from Webster's arm.

"They dragged our asses half way around the world. Interrupted our lives," he began again, the volume and venom in his voice increasing with each syllable, "And for what?

"You ignorant, servile scum. What the fuck are we doing here?" he demanded of the German soldiers, "Huh?"

He was met only with silence, which was nothing more than he or I'd expected. The quiet surrounded us, filling my ears with a loud buzzing that strove to drive me crazy. It gave each of us a lot to think about, Webster's speech. When I thought back to all the blood that had been shed and all the lives that had been destroyed by this war, I had to wonder if it wasn't all just senseless slaughter. I shook my head, remembering my father's strong voice drag itself from the uncharted recesses of my mind to echo in my mind.

"_Nothing is ever coincidence and nothing is ever senseless or without a purpose. You simply have to look hard enough to see what's so important about it."_

Tentatively, I dragged my fingers across his own, a plea for him to sit down. Trying to understand would only lead to more confusion and disappointment. As much as I wanted to believe my father, I couldn't find the purpose to all of this. I bit my lip and held Webster's hand. We watched the German soldiers march past with their heads held high and their boots moving at the same leisurely pace, each of us wondering how they could walk with so much pride in their step.

A shadow of a doubt rose in my mind. Maybe these Germans weren't the monsters I'd grown up having nightmares about. Just maybe they weren't aware of the concentration camps that had been set up by Hitler all over their country. Perhaps they were just as ignorant as we were.

Jumping off the back of second platoon's truck, I couldn't help but look around for Ron. My eyes found his immediately. He sent me a reassuring smile before turning and approaching Dick.

I sighed heavily when Gene's hand tugged on my sleeve in an effort to grab my attention. I twisted my face to look at him. His eyes were expectant, letting me know that he'd said something that I'd missed.

"What, Gene?"

"We have to go set up shop," he said before turning around and falling into step with Spina. I rolled my eyes, throwing my medical bag over my shoulder and following after them. Somehow, this place made chills run up and down my spine. It was a sickening feeling and I felt the nausea bubble up my throat before I could catch it. My feet froze below me, my knees shaking uncontrollably as the waves of dizzying illness overtook me.

"Oh God," I gasped, my bag falling to a pool beside my legs. My stomach contracted, the bile forcing its way up my throat before I could stop it. I lurched forward, a cold sweat breaking out over my forehead as the contents of my stomach flowed from my mouth and landed in a sloppy pile on the side of the road. Over and over again, the vomit rolled up through my body. Heaving one last time, I felt the strength in my legs leave me with the last remnants of my meals from the past 24 hours. Shaking, I didn't hear the yells that were coming at me from all directions. Someone's arm closed around my waist and pulled me to their chest. Breathing in Ron's familiar woodsy smell, I had to smile despite the way I felt at that moment.

"Baby, what happened?" he asked me, pushing the hair out of my face and behind my ears. His fingers encased my cheek and I pressed myself closer to him, enjoying the comfort of being in his arms.

"I-I don't know," I croaked out, my mind still reeling with dizziness and nausea, "I just got sick all of a sudden. It must have been something I ate." Ron's arms tightened around me and he laid a quick kiss on my forehead.

:"Jesus, don't do that to me again," he said, his worried smile obvious from the way he was pressing his lips on my hair, "Don't work too much, okay?" I nodded, my chin brushing against his collarbone.

"I love you," I whispered so quietly I wasn't sure if he would hear me. But when he lifted my chin and laid a lingering kiss on my mouth, I knew he had. He stood up, the heat from his body wrapping me in a warm embrace even as he turned to walk away. I watched him go, the smile on my face staying frozen there for a moment before fading. Somehow, I knew that I hadn't really eaten something bad. I knew it had to be something else, I just didn't know what yet.

Shrugging my shoulders, I tried desperately to dispel the waves of hysteria that were dragging me down into their murky waters. I gasped helplessly, my arms flailing hopelessly in the churning depths until I was so encompassed by the feeling that it was impossible to escape it.

It was in these moments that my mind flitted helplessly back to Bill as if of their own accord. Staring at the bleak horizon of gray clouds and nameless German faces, I couldn't help but realize just how lonely I got sometimes. Even with Ron in my life again, I knew that someday he would leave me anyway. For someone prettier, smarter, funnier. It was only a matter of time really. But then Bill had always stayed by my side. Except the one day when we'd obviously needed each other more than either of us could have ever imagined. Bill would always be there for me now. As just my friend and only my friend. He was probably married by now. A part of my heart tightened up painfully at the reminder. In some ways, I'd wanted Bill forever. I'd wanted to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. Of course that was a very small part when I compared those feelings to the ones I had for Ron. As much as it had killed both of us in the end, Ron was the one I'd decided to fall hopelessly and completely in love with. He was the man whose face I would remember until the day I died, the one I'd let slip away from me because I knew it was the best thing for him. I could never deny Ron what he wanted, especially when it was what was best for him. Letting him go, I knew, would kill me. I could do it though if it would make him happy.

"Becca! You gonna wake up and help us with this stuff or what?" Gene yelled from across the room. I jerked my head up to meet his unwavering brown gaze. I glanced around, stumped as to how I'd managed to find my way here when I was so obviously mentally absent from reality. I shook my head, knowing that it was probably better left untouched in the recesses of my brain.

"Alright," I said, tossing my bag in a corner with all the rest of the medical bags from the other medics in the Battalion, "Where do we start?"

Dropping down onto an empty crate, I felt the exhaustion swelling up within my chest. I felt so bogged down by it, the weight pressing so hard down on my shoulders that I felt my body fold in on itself. In that moment, I felt all the aches of what I'd been through over the past ten months. I felt every bruise, every scar, flare to life to fill me with the pain of memories recalled and old war wounds torn asunder. I had to wonder why I was being tortured so much, but before I'd finished the thought, someone came pounding through the front doors of our disordered makeshift aid station.

"All hands on deck! We need everyone we can to load onto the trucks outside," a young private yelled as he plunged headlong into the room. His back was as straight as an arrow and there was a look in his eyes that was so haunted and so terrifying that I felt my fear skitter up and down my back. I shuddered under his scrutinizing gaze before rushing forward and grabbing my medical bag. Running out past him, I quickly saw that we weren't the only ones being rushed onto the trucks. Babe, spotting me amidst the crowd, rushed forward and snatched my hand. The expression on his face revealed that he was just as scared and confused about what was going on as I was. For all we knew things around Landsberg had just gotten very dangerous and we were being moved to a safer place to fend off the Germans.

"What the fuck is going on, Becca?" he muttered, pulling me forward and helping me up onto the back of the truck. Martin's hands hoisted me up. I smiled at him, patting him gently on the back. I could feel the tension all around me, seeping through everyone's uniforms to settle like a dangerous snake in our bellies. That sick feeling was twisted in my stomach again. The nausea built within my breast and I fought it down. Babe's hand closed around my own.

"Hey, it's alright. We're gonna be alright, Smalls. Jesus, we've made it this far so whatever they're gonna throw at us we'll be okay," he said, drawing me in to settle a gentle kiss on my forehead. I nodded against him, my fingers tightening around my own. This fear that had me in its grip was so irrational. But then I had to wonder if maybe my instincts were trying to tell me something horrible was about to happen.

I gulped, closing my eyes and pressing my face tighter into his shoulder.

"Babe?" I asked him, trying to distract myself from the chaos swirling through my mind.

"Hm?"

"Have you heard from Bill since he told you that he was getting married?" I blurted out. I couldn't tell where that had come from, but as the question left my lips, I knew it was the right question for that moment. Just speaking his name at loud flooded my system with a stilling calm. Babe, beside me, had gone completely rigid.

"He has written but he doesn't say much. Just that he misses everyone but that he's having the time of his life with Frannie. He can't wait for me to meet her," Babe said quietly. His eyes were downcast when I leaned away to look up into his face. Sorrow filled me as I realized just how much I missed Bill. I missed the sound of his voice and the feel of his arms wrapping around me. Babe was great, but he wasn't Bill. Nothing could ever possibly replace him. As if sensing what I was thinking, his hand cupped my cheek. He rubbed the soft pad of his thumb against the soft skin of my face, my eyes falling close of their own volition.

"I wish he'd write to me," I whispered, tears closing up my throat before I could stop them. The emotions which had been weighing so heavily down on my shoulders collapsed in a tidal wave of feeling. Regret and guilt for all that I had done in the past caught up to me. I was left gasping for air and for salvation. If only something could pull me from myself and make me see that anything else but my personal problems mattered. I needed something bigger, something to set my mind to other than than the awful, stinging, horror rising up within my chest.

And like a messenger coming to answer my prayers, I caught the scent of decaying flesh and rotting excrement on the light breeze that was blowing from the south. It filled my stomach with that same twisting, churning sickness that had been plaguing me all day. I pushed away from Babe. I had to see what was waiting for us. I had to know what terrible things we were about to witness.

The others stood up with me, all of our faces growing grim when we saw what was ahead. A desolate expanse of ruined field spread out before us. Smoke hung like a sickening shroud of death and exhaustion over the ground. I could faintly make out the shape of what looked like numerous huts spaced out in a straight line. And standing along the fence line were men so withered away that one strong wind would have blown them away. I gasped in horror, my hand jumping to my lips. Despair filled me as the trucks came to a rolling stop and everyone jumped off the trucks. A fog had descended on my mind. The air, heady with hopeless sorrow as well as fear filled my nose. Walking slowly forward, I felt my eyes tear up. Seeing the expressions on those men's faces tore at my heart. Made me regret everything that I had ever despaired over. Never in my life had I ever suffered such a cruel fate. These men had been battered, broken, and starved to the point where death would have been more welcome than this fate. When I got up to the fence, one of the men poked his arm through and held his hand out to me. Limply, weakly, I took it and held it in my own. For being in such a condition, his grip was strong enough to make me cry out. But I didn't let go. I couldn't. I stared into his face, tried to see the man that he must have been once before. I could see nothing there but the cruel hand he'd been dealt. I could see no shadow of his former strength, no trace of humanity there.

"It's going to be alright," I whispered, squeezing his hand and moving closer to the fence, "We're going to get you all out of here."

"Open the gates!" Dick called out further down the fence. I saw the men move toward the gates which had been padlocked together. I shook my head, suddenly so sick with rage that anyone could ever do this that my knees threatened to give way beneath me. The man who'd had a hold of me let go as they all moved toward the now-open gates. Their faces were alight with grateful joy. I could see some of them taking a deep breath, as if by being here they could draw strength from us. To keep fighting, to continue living. I hung back, watching the men of Easy walking forward in slowly amplifying repulsion and anger. I covered my hand with my mouth again as tears sprang to my eyes. For the first time since the war had started, I felt too afraid to move. My feet stayed firmly planted on the ground. I couldn't move any closer or else something so fragile and small within me would shatter. I held onto the thin tether of my sanity, knowing that these men were done suffering. We were here now to rescue them from this dark abyss. But for the life of me, I couldn't do anything but stand still and get a hold of myself. I don't know how long I stood there but on the edge of my consciousness, I could feel and hear people moving around me.

Then, like a breath of fresh air, someone's hand closed around my own. My eyes shot open and I saw Nix's face loom up out of the darkness.

"Hey, why don't I get you out of here?" he muttered, leaning forward so that he could hear me. I shook my head vehemently, ever nerve in my body tensing at the realization that I could not abandon Easy just because I was so horrified. I had to push through this, I had to be strong. Every time I reasoned that I was okay, though, my feet refused to move me forward. It was like something or someone was keeping me rooted to the spot. I whipped my head around to stare at Nix again.

"Nix, I have to stay. I have to help-," I began, my chest heaving now with the strength of my own determination.

"No, Becca, I can see that you're drowning. Fuck, I'm drowning and I'm half-drunk," he told me, cracking a grim and humorless smile. He drew his arm around me and pulled me forward. I relaxed into his hold, almost glad that he wasn't giving me a choice in the matter. On this occasion, I wasn't sure I wanted to be able to choose between staying here and abandoning the company. I liked not having the decision or the responsibility in my hands. For once, I felt like I didn't have to put up pretenses and it felt nice. Nix helped me up into the passenger seat of the jeep before going around and jumping up into the driver's seat.

"Besides, we can help to get these people some food and water back in town," Nix said, shooting me a put-upon wink. I could see the hoods that had descended over his eyes and the flickering sadness in every twitch of his lips. I nodded, knowing that at least I had someone to relate to in this chaos. Nix started up the jeep, backed out and then sped off in the direction that we'd come from. The wind whipper through my hair and made my eyes water slightly. I brushed the tears away, feeling as if I was leaving a part of myself back at the camp. I knew that's what it was. A work camp for the outcasts of German society, a place where Hitler could condemn the people he thought were the bane of the true Aryan race.

"I still feel weak," I admitted, threading my hands together and shutting my eyes for a moment. I took a deep breath, reeling in the last of my breath-taking emotions, "I still feel like I should be out here helping. I am a medic after all. I'm sure these people need medical attention. All those people..." My voice faded away when Nix suddenly pulled the jeep off the road. His dark eyes stared intensely into my own when he turned in his seat. He took my hand, squeezing it gently.

"Mostly I busted you out of there so that we could talk. I-it was wrong what I did back in Sturzelberg. I had no right to say those things about you, especially when they weren't true," he began, looking down at our joined hands instead of at me, "You're one of the strongest women I know. Not many of them back in the States would have had the balls that you did to get over here. Not to mention you've made it through the whole war without getting killed.

"I don't think enough people give you credit for what you've been able to do here and I just-I wanted to make sure that you knew I didn't think you were just some burden that we all had to learn to live with." He leaned back in his seat, watching me with trepidation written all over his face. I stared up into his eyes, feeling a part of me settling inside. These were the words I'd needed to hear. That I wasn't just a piece of scenery, that I'd actually done _something _with my time here to make a difference. And hearing it from Nixon was both unexpected and completely welcome. I leaned forward to plant a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you, Lew. You don't know how much this means to me, hearing all this from you," I whispered against his skin, feeling that awkward tension dissipate as he relaxed under my touch. I leaned back in my seat again, smiling up at him and for the first time in a long time feeling hopeful and at ease. Surprising considering what we'd just found in the middle of enemy territory. I felt a trickle of the fear and horror from before creep up my back again and I knew then that I had to go back. Hearing Nix's words gave me hope and filled me with the strength I'd been missing. Tugging my head to indicate the direction we'd come from, I hoped he would take the hint.

"Why don't we go back? I'm feeling braver already," I said. When Nix nodded and turned the jeep around, I knew without a doubt that this day would be filled with memories that would haunt us from now until the day we died. But I also knew that together, the men of Easy Company could make it through this. We had to make it through this.

**Okay, so this is one of my favorite chapters. Mostly because there's a bit of everything in it. I really hope that somebody out there feels the same way. Enough to want to leave a review perhaps? *puppy dog eyes* By the way, thank you to everyone who has reviewed for the last couple of chapters and hasn't received a reply back. I am so busy that I don't even really know what to do with myself whenever I do have free time. But Spring Break is coming up in three weeks, so hopefully I can get some kind of a groove back. **

**I'm sorry if there are a lot of mistakes in this. I was sort of crunched for time and I didn't want to wait anymore to post this since it's already been over three weeks since my last update. The next one should be out this Friday. We have six chapters left, so I think that it's about time I finished this puppy up. :D**

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men on whom this story is based. The only things I own are my OCs and the original plot for this story. **


	43. Just Say Yes

_It's so simple and you know it is, you know it is_

_We can't be to and fro like this all our lives_

_You're the only way to me, the path is clear_

_What do I have to say to you for God's sake, dear?_

"_Just Say Yes" by Snow Patrol_

**Bill's POV**

**April 29, 1945**

I rolled over on my side, my fingers ghosting up the pale expanse of Frannie's bare back. It had been three months, almost to the day, since I'd seen Easy Company. My heart ached from the knowledge that my buddies were still out there risking their necks out on the line when I was here making love to my wife every night.

Even more than that, I missed Becca. I missed my best friend and if I was being completely honest with myself, for as much effort as I'd put in to forgetting about her, I still thought about her almost every minute of every day. It wasn't that I was still in love with her. She was so much more than anything I'd ever hoped for and I couldn't help but think about her. The way she'd held me when I'd found out my brother had died, the way she'd smile at me when she thought I wasn't looking, the warmth emanating from her body when we'd shared a foxhole in Bastogne. Those were memories that I would never, ever forget because they'd made me so much stronger, so much more courageous. As a soldier and as a man. Becca was the glue that kept Easy from falling apart, even if she didn't know it. I only hoped that Speirs had finally apologized to her for being such a bastard. He was the only thing that could make her truly happy.

I grinned, thinking about him bending down on one knee and begging her for forgiveness. A derisive snort made it past the barrier of my mouth and I felt the bed beside me shift.

"B-Bill?" Frannie whispered, turning in my arms so that her face was inches away from my own. The length of her bare body was pressed so firmly against my own that I had to take in a shuddering breath before I could answer her. Even after all the time we'd spent together night after night learning the contours of each other's bodies, it still didn't seem like enough time.

"Sorry, honey, I was just thinking," I told her, pecking her on the lips. I almost didn't want her to pry me for information. It was so much easier sometimes just ignoring the past and pretending that the last three years hadn't happened at all. But of course, I couldn't get rid of the memories completely.

"Thinking about Becca again?" Frannie asked, her eyes empty of the jealousy that I wouldn't have begrudged her.

"Yeah and Easy. I know it's stupid but I miss them all so much. I don't wish I was back there, but I wish this damn war would just end so they could all come home," I whispered, my breath blowing in a heated blanket across the front of her face. I saw her nod in the darkness before she wrapped her arms around me and snuggled in against my chest.

"It's not stupid, Bill. Hearing you talk about them-they're all extraordinary men. I wish the war would end too. And if you ever feel like you need to talk about anything that happened over there, you know you can talk to me right?" Frannie told me, her eyes glowing softly by the rays of light shining down on us from the moon. I stared at her eager face and knew what I would say even though it was a lie. I leaned forward and planted a lingering kiss on her lips. I brushed her hair away from her face and then let my head fall back onto the pillow.

"Of course, honey," I muttered, knowing that no matter how many times I tried to explain exactly what had happened over there that she would never really understand. Maybe that's why I missed Becca so much. She'd always been a good listener and she was the only woman in the 101st Airborne. In that way, she was the most unique woman I'd ever known. Maybe not the prettiest or the smartest or the funniest, but what made her so special in my eyes was the fact that she'd survived in a war where only men were allowed. She'd experienced just as much if not more than all of us had in Easy Company and she'd persisted through everything.

I felt a smile appear on my face before I could stop it. Maybe it was time to see if Becca still hated me for what I'd done to her. It was time for me to write to her.

**Becca's POV**

"Ordered us to put those people back in there," Nix told me, swinging his arm to capture the end of the lighted cigarette between his lips. Sucking in a deep pull of the smoke, I couldn't help but let a look utter horror overtake my face. How could they had let this happen? Those men had been locked up behind those gates for God knew how long. Without food, without water, without any hope of living their lives again. I understood the need from a medical standpoint. They were all starved and if we fed them too much too fast...I shuddered to think what would happen to all of them. But it just seemed so inhumane, so unbelievably cruel to do that to them after all they had been through.

I felt tears springing to my eyes before Nix's hand on my own brought me back to myself.

"Hey, we're going to take care of those people, alright? They're not going to suffer any more, not while we have a say in it," he told me, his voice so full of conviction that I had to believe him. Of course, we probably didn't have much say in it at all. We would be moving onto the next objective, the next town full of ignorant Germans who liked to pretend that the war had all but disappeared for them. We were their reminder, the ones who would continue to remind them that the war wasn't over yet. Even if we'd all but captured Germany, the road from murderous tyranny was not quite over. But we were close. So close we could taste it in our mouths and almost grasp it in our hands.

Nixon's knock on Dick's door brought me out of my reverie. Snapping my head up, I caught Dick's eyes. He smiled at me then turned a bemused smile on Nixon. I could see the depth of their friendship in that one, simple gaze. It seemed so strange that two men who were so different could become friends, but there they were.

"Hey there, Nix, come to browse my room for some alcohol?" Dick smirked, nodding slightly to the collection of bottles that had remained untouched on the mantle over the fire place. I entered the room, taking a seat on the bed.

"Yeah, seems like I'm staying in the only dry house in Germany. Thought I'd come by and see if you'd share. Course we all know what a lousy drunk you are and I wasn't sure if you'd agree to me taking some for myself," Nixon grinned as he searched the bottles for one he liked. Dick snorted before turning back to his desk.

"Yeah you know me so well. And I thought you weren't drinking the local."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," I piped up from the corner of the bed. Nix shot me a wink, his fingers closing around the fragile neck of a dark green bottle. He looked it over for a moment before nodding and starting his walk back to where he was staying.

"Yeah well..." his voice trailed away.

"Heard from Division, Nix," Dick called over his shoulder at the man retreating from his room. That froze Nix in his tracks. He turned around, his brown eyes glowing with expectation and curiosity. He leaned with his elbow on top of the mantle, his entire body rigid with intent. I leaned forward too, wanting to know what Intelligence had gathered about the work camp at Landsberg.

"Apparently," he began in that quiet drawl of his, "They've been finding camps like this all over the place.

"Jesus," Nix muttered, hanging his head slightly at the news. I felt something stir in the pits of my stomach. Pity, despair, rage. That all of this had happened right under the noses of the German people and they'd done nothing to stop it was beyond sickening. And all of those people. Women, children, men. They would never see their families again, never know the joys of life again, because they were all dead.

"Seems the Russians actually liberated one a lot worse," Dick said, his sigh rumbling through his chest and echoing in the silence of the room.

"Worse?" Nix and I repeated, our voices conveying the utter horror and exalted disbelief that there could be anything worse than what we'd seen today.

"Yeah, it's supposed to be ten times as big, with execution chambers and ovens," he said, turning to look us both full-on. I could see the exhaustion and the sorrow in his bright blue eyes. I had the sudden urge to crawl into his arms and cry. How could anyone commit such terrible acts of inhumanity? All that destruction, all the innocent lives lost to senseless slaughter.

"Ovens?" Nix asked, the confusion in his voice obvious to both of us. Dick stared down at his hands. The wheels in my head turned until they finally clicked into place.

"For cremating all the bodies?" I said, my voice a mere whisper of what it had been only a few seconds ago. The thought of the necessity for ovens in a place like that was unbearable to think about. Dick nodded, his eyes brimming with despair for the same reasons mine were. There weren't enough words in the dictionary to convey the feelings that were running through each of our minds.

"The locals claim they didn't even know the camp was here. They're saying that we're exaggerating."

"Yeah," Dick said with a humorous tilt to his lips, "Well they're gonna get a hell of an education tomorrow. General declared Marshall Law. Every able-bodied German in town age fourteen to eighty is going to be burying all the bodies starting tomorrow morning. The Tenth Armored is going to be supervising the clean-up."

"What about us?" I asked from where I was sitting. Dick turned to look at me for a moment before glancing back at one of the papers on his desk.

"We move out for Tallem. Thallem tomorrow at 1200 hours,"Dick told us. I could see the rigidity leave Nix's shoulders. He slumped, the weight of the world settling on his back. He shook his head, his eyes glazing over and staring off into the distance. Looking for something that wasn't there. I couldn't blame him for feeling that way. I wasn't much better off. Shaking my head, I stood up and bid them both good-night. If we were moving out in the morning, then I knew I should get back and try to sleep through the night. Little did I know that wasn't going to happen.

**May 3, 1945**

_My lips trembled, every nerve in my body screaming with relief as the strained cry filled the small, white room. I smiled, my breath rolling from my lips in a strangled giggle. With the strength I hadn't known I'd been holding onto, I opened my eyes and held my leaden arms out to take the small, wiggling bundle into my arms. _

_A mixture of joy and utter despair filled me. Joy at the sight of her dark crown and searching fingers as she relaxed slightly into my arms. And despair at the knowledge that he would never know her. I'd ruined everything with him by hesitating, by not telling him that he was all I'd ever wanted and all that I'd ever need. It was all my fault. Everything. _

_The only thing that I hadn't managed to push away completely was the little girl in my arms. I stroked the side of her face, grinning when she turned her face to my finger. Her lips opened and closed in a soundless request to be fed. _

"_She's so beautiful, Becca," I heard Frannie whisper beside me. I looked up into her honest, open face and couldn't help but feel like I might have lost the best thing that had ever happened to me but I'd gained a true friend in her. I smiled at her, wanting to say so much to her. About how grateful I was to her and Bill. About how she'd been one of the only reasons I had for living anymore. All that came out, though, was a simple-_

"_Thank you, Frannie, for everything." She nodded and then kissed me on the forehead. _

"_I have to go, but Bill and I will be back later on, okay?" Frannie called over her shoulder as she walked toward the door. She paused quietly at the open hospital room door and turned around to fix me with a curious stare, "Did you decide on a name yet?" I looked from her brightly shining eyes to the baby in my arms. She was whimpering quietly, her fingers closing around my own in a tight grasp that I hadn't known she was capable of. _

"_Sarah. Sarah Lynn Speirs."_

With a gasp that made my whole body spasm in pain, I shot up in bed. A cold-sweat had covered my bare body and I couldn't help the nausea that rose suddenly in my stomach. My stomach heaved, my hand covered my mouth of its own accord, and I jumped out of bed. Making my way as carefully as I could in the impenetrable darkness, I ended up in the bathroom. Falling shakily to my knees, I flung open the toilet cover and barely managed to bring my face level with it before the contents of my stomach were dumped into the awaiting water. Again and again, my stomach clenched and unclenched itself to push the offending foods from my stomach.

Afterward, I sank to the cool tile on the floor of the bathroom. Laying my face against it, the nausea disappeared. A weakness filled my bones that made it almost impossible to stand up. Bringing my self up onto my knees, I crawled toward the silhouette of the bed. Somewhere above me, I could hear the gentle lull of Ron's breathing. I had to wonder how he hadn't woken up with all the racket I'd been making. Smiling softly when he shifted slightly in the bed, I reached for the pile that my clothes had ended up in last night. I knew that I wouldn't be getting to sleep again, so I might as well go to the aid station to see if I could help out somehow.

I knew that the exhaustion was starting to show in the dark circles under my eyes. Whatever I'd eaten a few weeks ago had me wrapped so tightly in its grasp that it was impossible to even wonder when it would go away. I'd shot up in bed every morning for that time to heave the contents of my stomach out and then been filled with the most numbing weakness after.

And worst of all, I was having to lie to Ron about it. I didn't want him to worry, especially when whatever bug I had could disappear any day now. I'd had to make up various excuses, each one as unimaginative as the last. Most of the time I told him that I'd been unable to sleep and had gone out to hang out with Babe so that I wouldn't wake him up. All I could think when I was telling him those things was that I was such a liar. I hadn't wanted to do it, but it was as if something inside me prevented me from telling him the truth.

Not to mention the nightmares. The haunted, skeletal faces of the Landsberg prisoners had been rushing through my mind every night since that terrible day. We'd had to lock them back up under Doc Ryan's orders. It made me feel like I had to throw up again just thinking about it. It had been the hardest thing that any of us had to do thus far. I could see it on everyone's faces. We felt like monsters, like the villains we'd been trying so hard to defeat. Between those memories and the dream that I was going to have a baby, I hadn't gotten much sleep lately.

Groaning, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe my instincts were trying to tell me something else was going on with me. Maybe I wasn't really sick. Maybe I was-but no that couldn't be.

"Smalls?" Gene's voice broke me from my own thoughts. I jumped, startled, and twisted around to see Gene walking toward me with his palms shoved deep inside the pockets of his pants. I waited for him, staring adamantly at the ground.

"Jesus," he exclaimed when he'd gotten closer to me. Curious, I glanced up at him with a quirk of my eyebrow, "You look like Hell, Becca. What the hell have you been doing at night? Drinking your inner turmoils away with Captain Nixon?" I shook my head, feeling a dead weight settle in my stomach. Something just didn't feel right. Despite my feelings of uneasiness, I took a deep breath to try to calm myself. I couldn't overreact. That would lead to panicking and of course, that was unnecessary if there was no reason to start freaking out. We'd used protection every time we'd made love in the past few months. There was no way in hell I was pregnant.

I realized that Gene had started forward without me. Getting an idea in my head, I rushed forward and grabbed hold of his arm.

"Gene, have you seen Doc Ryan around anywhere?"I asked him, trying to keep my voice as quiet as possible. All around us, men from 2nd Battalion were moving through the near-silent streets of Thallem. Gene looked at me, his brown eyes alighting with something. Before I could read what was there in his expression, he shook his head.

"Nope, I haven't seen him much at all lately. He's still really busy with all the prisoners we found the other day."

"Oh okay, I guess I'll just catch up with him later then," I said, feeling my mood plummet immediately. I knew, though, that I had to keep up a front. If, and it was a huge if, I was pregnant then I didn't want anyone to know. No need getting up anybody's nerves if there was no reason for it in the first place. I'd get to see Doc Ryan soon and he would tell me that I wasn't pregnant after all.

**Ron's POV**

Behind my eyelids, the bright rays of sunshine had turned to a golden pink as they shined through that thin skin. I smiled, knowing what awaited me on the opposite side of the bed. Twisting over and throwing my hand across her waist, I was jolted awake when all I felt was empty air and cold sheets.

"Becca?" I choked out instantly. All that met me was the cold silence of a presence long gone. I sighed heavily, falling against the pillows once again. A part of me should have been expecting this. It had been happening every morning for the past week and a part of me was starting to worry against my better judgment. I'd seen the lie, the hesitance in every flicker of her eyes when she told me that she couldn't sleep and had left because she didn't want to wake me up. She'd made up excuse after excuse about going to see Babe, about going to the aid station to help out.

How had it come to this? Why was she lying to me about it? And why did I have the inescapable, horrifying feeling twisting and churning in my stomach that something terrible was going to happen between us very soon? No matter how much I tried to forget about it, the feeling just kept coming back. I didn't want to believe that she was sneaking around behind my back seeing another man. I refused to believe that she wanted this to end between us, mostly because every night she would look up at me with her cerulean eyes and tell me that she loved me in a voice as soft as silk and a touch that melted my bones. I couldn't help but feel like maybe I was just being ridiculous. I was just overreacting and there was nothing more to it than that. Still, the gut-wrenching sensation ripped through me and I knew that I at least had to look into it. Because I didn't fully trust her and because I knew that as long as the secrets lurked behind her blue eyes, I would never rest easy.

Jumping out of bed, I hiked my pants up over my hips and buttoned them closed. Pulling on a clean white t-shirt I couldn't help but notice the marks on the carpet making a path from Becca's side of the bed to the edge of the bathroom portal. It looked like she'd been in a really big hurry to get over there. In a big hurry to make it out of the room before I woke up. Shaking my head, I knew I was just being ridiculous. Heaving a sigh, I tied up the shoelaces of my boots before approaching the door and opening it. The quiet hum of the town as it awoke filled my ears and made a smile curve my lips toward the sky. Walking at a leisurely pace into the town square, I had just begun to wonder where Heffron could be when Dick came up beside me and tapped me on the shoulder. His face was all business and I knew that this could only mean one of two things. We were moving out or I was late for a meeting I hadn't been told about.

"Ron, Sink says we've gotta be moving out in one hour. We're headed up towards Berchtesgaden." Surprise filled me with electric energy that pulsed like a second heartbeat through my veins. Berchtesgaden was the crown jewel of Hitler's empire. But he was dead and it seemed only proper that the army who was defeating him should be able to enjoy the spoils that he had collected during these past five years.

"We're taking the Eagle's Nest?" Dick's smirk answered me well enough but it was almost like I needed to hear it. As much as this would put a damper on my finding out exactly what Becca was up to behind my back, I was filled with an unparalleled excitement. Who wouldn't be after being told that they were headed to the home of the Nazi pigs that had caused so much death and destruction across the entire continent of Europe?

"Well that's what he's hoping for. But we've gotta get a move on. I sent a few runners to tell the platoons, so you don't have to worry about anything other than getting packed," Dick said, clapping me on the back before turning around and heading back to whatever house he was staying in. Nodding quietly to myself, I headed back out of town to where I was staying. I could only hope that Berchtesgaden would hold the answers I was so desperately searching for within myself.

More than my curiosity about what Becca might be sneaking out every morning for, was my burning desire to find out what her plans were for after the war. I already knew what I wanted. I wanted her to be my wife, to have my children. I wanted to grow old with her and make up for every mistake I'd ever made to her for the rest of our lives.

Was it sappy? Yes, it was, but I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I wanted her forever and I was willing to do almost anything to get just that.

**May 5, 1944**

The grumbling of the men was enough to pull me out of my doze. Becca's head was on my shoulder and her fingers were threaded through my own in sleep. I watched the gentle flutter of her eyelids as she woke up too. When she saw me looking down at her, a blush covered her cheeks. She looked coyly down at our joined hands before glancing back up at me.

"Morning, handsome," she whispered, leaning in to peck my lips. It was so quick, so light, and held the promise of many more kisses to come. I had to hold onto that security-the belief that just maybe she wanted to stay with me forever too.

"Good morning, Becca," I muttered, my skin suddenly covered with a thin sheen of heat and sweat. She looked so innocent under the scrutiny of my gaze and I realized that I couldn't wait to get her alone again. In that moment, I couldn't have trusted her more. Any doubts I'd had seemed to disappear in the wake of my realization that happiness was just on the periphery of my horizon. I just needed the opportunity to ask her to marry me.

A familiar voice from somewhere up ahead of the jeep we were in resounded down the line.

"How long until the engineers arrive?"

"They were supposed to be here a half hour ago," Nix replied, the smirk palpable in his voice. I rolled my eyes, letting go of Becca with a last lingering kiss on her forehead.

"Gotta go be a leader," I told her, sending her a smirk as I jumped out of the jeep. She giggled, waggling her hand in the air as a goodbye wave. Something inside me settled then as I stared at her. Maybe, just maybe, I could forget all about her sneaking out in the mornings. Maybe just this one I could give her and myself the benefit of the doubt. It was the only way I could think of to keep this feeling of weightless joy inside my chest. If I showed her just how much I trusted her and loved her, it was possible that one day she would stop sneaking out before I woke up and would stay with me through a whole night.

The soft crackle of the rocks beneath my feet suddenly filled me with pride. That we had all made it this far in the war, that we were only a few miles from Berchtesgaden and the Eagle's Nest, that I was a part of one of the best companies of soldiers in the world. I could hear the soft rumble of the men's voices as well as the explosions coming from up ahead as some of the guys tried to take over the engineer's job. I chuckled quietly to myself, tucking my hands into my pockets as I saw Dick's jeep up ahead of me. I could hear him talking to Nix. It filled me with a sense of regret that I didn't have such a strong bond with any other men here. It was almost like I was untouchable and unreachable.

_But not with Rebecca. _

Of course with her it had always been different. For some reason or another, our love was strong enough to pull her back through the cobwebs of time so that we could be together. For that I would always be so grateful and time again I'd proven that I wouldn't let her go without a fight. I couldn't stand the thought, even now, of being parted with her forever. She had stolen my heart and my soul. She held the key to my salvation and happiness as well as the door to the bleakest, darkest misery I had ever known. The fate of my future rested entirely within her hands.

"Ron?" a quiet voice muttered at my side. I shook my head and focused my vision on the set of bright blue eyes that were staring at me from a few feet away.

"Dick," I replied, pretending that nothing was wrong with me. But the truth was I was drowning inside with questions, doubts, and regrets. All that I had done to Becca...How could she possibly forgive me for any of it? I didn't deserve her, but I'd known that since the beginning. I still believed that I could have given her up if it would make her happy, if it would guarantee that at least she would survive in the wake of our parting. It would ruin me. It would shake me down to the depths of my soul until there was nothing left to salvage.

"Something you needed?" I glanced back at him, feeling the weight of both his gaze and Nixon's. I could feel them searching my face and my body language for any clue as to what was the matter. Shaking it off desperately, I cleared my throat.

"Uh-yeah. If you need someone to find a way up the mountain, Easy Company is ready and willing," I said simply, sending them both a smirk that felt as empty and hollow as an abandoned cave. The emotions rattled through my body, echoing off the walls and reverberating in a rhythm that left me feeling lonely and despairing.

"Duly noted, Ron," Dick began, grinning as he folded his arms over his chest, "I already recommended you to Colonel Sink."

"Great, let's go find out where Hitler lived," I said, rounding the jeep and making off down the hill. The thought of getting to the Eagle's Nest first filled me with a thrill that tingled through the tips of my fingers. But Dick and Nixon clearing their throats behind me made me pause mid-stride.

"Uh, Ron, Sink doesn't want us taking any unnecessary risks. We don't know what's up there and we've gotten word that there are some SS holed up there in the mountains waiting to surprise us," Dick said, his blue eyes more understanding than I'd ever really seen them. He'd been with Easy since its formation. And the thought of taking this opportunity away from them was enough to make him cringe.

"So, what? The French are gonna beat us to the Nest?" Before he was able to answer, I heard the rumble of an engine making its way up the mountainside. Looking downhill, I saw Colonel Sink's jeep barreling toward us. Sighing heavily, I moved over to leave them room to pull up.

"Morning, Gents," he said in way of greeting, "Now I don't care how you do it, just as long as nobody gets hurt. But General McClerk said he was first into Paris and he wants to be first into Berchtesgaden. So ya'll outflank that French son of a bitch." My mouth quirked upwards at the corner as did Dick's. We saluted Sink, all of us feeling proud that just maybe we really would have the honor of taking the Nest.

"Yes, sir!" Dick said. Sink's driver started to back up down the hill, but I only had eyes for Dick. I glanced up into his face only to see a grin plastered there.

"I want Easy Company in the lead. Have the men assemble on the autobahn."

"Yes, sir," I replied, my heart and mind at ease for the first time in a while as I walked down the hill and prepared the men for one of the most proud moments of its life.

**Becca's POV**

An eerie silence had descended on Easy Company as we walked through the deserted streets of Berchtesgaden. There was not a person or animal in sight. And of course, as Nixon was quick to remind us, it was because you couldn't deny you were a Nazi if you lived in this town that Hitler was so very fond of.

My eyes were glued to the mountain ranges that loomed up above us on either side of the white city. The sensation of utter abandonment filled me to the core and made shivers roll up and down my spine in quick succession. Shivering under the pressure of those emotions, I felt Welsh's hand tighten around my shoulders.

"Creepy isn't it?" he asked me, the grin on his face belying the fact that he was just as disturbed as I was.

"You can say that again. I don't think I've ever seen a town look this empty in Germany."

"Well," Nix began, keeping his eyes firmly on the road, "that's because this is the one time you can't deny being a true Nazi." Welsh glanced over at me in confusion. I shrugged, jerking my head at Nix again. Harry seemed to take the hint and leaned forward to put his face closer to the front seats in the jeep.

"Yeah, and why's that, Nix?"

"Because you have to be one of them to live here."

"We need to find somewhere to put the Colonel," piped up Dick from beside the two. His face clearly betrayed the fact that he hadn't been listening to a word we'd been saying. I watched Nixon's eyes narrow and his lips fold upwards into a small smirk. It made him seem so much younger when he smiled like that.

"How about right there?" he said, carefully containing a chuckle when he sped up only to slam on his breaks right in front of what looked like the official Nazi Headquarters. Long red banners were hoisted up above the entrance way bearing the infamous swastika that we all hated so much. Above the arch way were the words: Berchtesgadener hof. None of us knew exactly what it meant, but we had a pretty good idea. Dick led the way inside, his stance careful but not defensive. None of us really expected much of a fight now that we'd made it this far into the enemy's territory.

I had to admit that it was a beautiful building. Full of wonderful paintings and brilliantly crafted architecture. But of course poised everywhere-like a bloody reminder of all the pain and suffering the world had seen because of Hitler-were the same red banners. I turned my head away in disgust, knowing that there was no way that I could stay in here for much longer. I heard Harry's joyous cry and decided to follow after him into the main room on the bottom floor. He was hunched over a mahogany case with Dick. They were both grinning like fools as they piled handfuls of silverware into their helmets.

"Oh, Kitty is going to love this. How many brides get a wedding present from Hitler?"

"And what are you two stealing over there?" Harry glanced over at me, sending me a playful wink.

"Oh shut up, you know that whoever comes in here after us will take whatever isn't nailed down." I nodded, wandering the room and staring up at the chandelier's that hung delicate and shining above our heads.

"Yeah, we wouldn't want that to happen," Dick chuckled. I could hear the sounds of boots clomping away at the wooden floors just outside the room. Twisting around, I saw Ron walk through the entrance. His eyes found me at once and he smiled at me, his dark eyes glimmering softly. I could see some hesitance there, but I decided not to acknowledge it. It was better to leave whatever was bothering him for later than to bring it up now in front of all the other men. He continued his way into the room and stared over Harry's and Dick's shoulders to see what they were taking. He forward to take his share but Harry batted his hand away.

"No way, Speirs. Don't even think about it," he said simply, so absorbed in his task that I was surprised he'd even realized it was Ron. I giggled at the look on his face. He looked affronted at being pushed aside but short Harry Welsh. Then he shrugged and went to go look at one of those banners hanging up on the wall.

"Major Winters?"

"More?" Dick replied, giving Alton a curious lift of his eyebrows.

"Uh, permission to climb the mountain sir? The Eagle's Nest?"

"What is this?" Harry asked, holding up a four-pronged object. I went to his side, looking at it closely before shrugging helplessly.

"No idea, Harry."

"Just a moment, More," Dick said before turning to Harry. He was all business and not a trace of his earlier amusement at what Welsh had done to Ron remained in his eyes or his expression, "Harry, have F take up a double guard on the hotel. Set up road blocks on the west side of town. And I want Battalion HQ to seal up the North side and prepare to take prisoners." Beside me, Welsh nodded, the helmet full of silverware still sitting guarded and untouched in his arms. He began to turn away, his face set in a look of determination that meant he was all business.

"Sergeant Grant-," he started, but Dick cut him off.

"And Harry. Nobody gets hurt, not now." The sound of the banner falling from the ceiling brought all of our attention back to Ron.

"And Easy?" he asked, his fingers folding the banner.

"Easy will head up the mountain through the over Salzburg to take the Eagle's Nest," he concluded, the look on his face one of pride that we had come this far. I felt my heart swell, knowing in my heart that this would mark a new chapter in Easy's book.

**Hey my faithful readers. I know this chapter has been a long time in the coming, but the good news is that I will probably be posting the next chapter this Friday. So, you have that to look forward to. :D I really hope that you like this chapter. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, read, and alerted this story since my last update! **

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Easy Company on whom this story is based. I only own my OCs and the original plot for this fic. **


	44. Fall Apart

_Forget about the world tonight_

_All that's wrong and all that's right_

_Lay your head on my shoulder_

_And let it fade away_

_And if you wanna let go, baby, it's okay_

_Fall, go on and fall apart_

"_Fall" by Clay Walker_

**Becca's POV**

**May 5, 1945**

Watching the guys run up the mountain made my heart swell with love and hope for each of us. They looked so carefree and so at ease with nature, with God, with themselves. And in that moment, I thought that each of us gained a piece of our innocence back. Suddenly and irrevocably, I wished that Bill could be there with us. As well as all the other men we'd lost to the war. Hoobler, Buck, Gordon, Muck, Penkala, Toye, and so many other faces flashed before my eyes. I bit my lip to keep from crying out. For the first time in a very long time, I felt a tidal wave of irrepressible emotion rise over my body. I imagined them-the billowing waves of misery and heartache-as they crashed down around me. I clasped my hands together and bowed my head beneath the pressure, tears springing immediately to my eyes and running down my face in tormented rivulets.

I had to wonder what I'd done to deserve to live and love again while they had all been punished for nothing more than serving their countries and protecting their families. It seemed so unfair that they should suffer while I got to stay here. I felt so sick and so tired of everything that had happened to me in the past year. I'd seen so much, done so much, that it seemed like going back to the States and trying to live a normal life just wasn't plausible anymore. It was impossible to forget everything that had happened to us. Every scar, every tear, every scream was seared into the back of my mind and I knew it would never leave.

I hugged myself to keep my body together. The emotions threatened to rip me apart from the inside out. I couldn't explain why all of this was suddenly falling down on me now. It had been months since Bastogne, months since I'd been ripped away from Easy Company by the Germans, almost a year since the scars on my back had become nothing more than silver lines traced into the contours of my back.

A hand on my own pulled me from myself. I looked up into Ron's face and saw the concern and love that he felt for me. I felt so overwhelmed by everything, but there in the middle of the torrent of death and remembrance was him. I gripped his hand tightly. Not willing to look away from him and not willing to let go of him. If I did I knew I would be swept out to sea again. I almost didn't notice when he pulled the jeep over and killed the engine. I was entranced by the murky waters of his eyes and the gentle understanding in his smile.

"You gonna tell me why you're crying?" he whispered, cupping my cheek and wiping away the tears blurring my vision. I bit my lip, knowing that maybe I shouldn't bring up all those old memories, but I owed him the truth. Especially since I had a very good idea exactly why I was getting sick in the mornings. It had nothing to do with what I'd been eating and everything to do with the fact that I'd missed my period. I wondered how long it would take to get Doc Ryan alone so that I could make sure. I wouldn't get my hopes up or Ron's for something this important if it was all for nothing.

"I-I guess I'm just now realizing everything that's happened since we went to war. It's just hard thinking about the men who can't be here today."

"Like Guarnere?" Ron replied without missing a beat. I stared up at him in shock. He said Bill's name without hesitance and without a trace of disdain. And like the pieces of all that had occurred in the last few months that were falling into place at last, I realized that Ron had grown just as much as I had. He'd finally accepted the fact that Bill had been and always would be my best friend. Fresh tears sprang to my eyes, but this time they were born of happiness. I threw my arms around his neck, pressing my lips fiercely to his. He melted beneath my touch, his mouth molding to mine and returning the kiss with equal fervor.

"I love you," I whispered, peppering kisses along the line of his jaw and the column on his neck. His skin was pulled taut beneath my ministrations and I could feel him growing long and hard against my thigh where it was draped over his lap. His fingers snaked around my waist and squeezed as a moan ripped through his throat. It drove me on, my excitement peaked and the heat liquifying beneath the barrier of my skin and spreading outward in a boiling heat that pushed me toward the edge in less than a moment. Was it possible after all the time we'd had together that I could still feel this amount of desire for him? Feeling his hands slide sensuously beneath my jacket and shirt to touch my bare skin, I knew that it was entirely possible. I threw my head back, whimpering softly with my want and need for him. He pressed his lips to my cheek, his hot breath blowing against the side of my face and speeding up my pulse even more before he pulled away.

"And I love you. Don't ever forget that," he muttered against the side of my face. He let go of me, pushing me back into my seat so that he could continue the drive. His fingers lay entwined in my own between the seats and I couldn't help but let the elation fill me up. In that moment, I felt again that as long as I had him, I would be alright. Everything would be alright.

**Ron's POV**

Looking out over the mountainside, I watched the sun dip below the horizon. A myriad of colors-purple, pink, orange, red, and yellow-stained the sky and made me feel like maybe tonight was the start of a new chapter. Holding Becca in my arms earlier that day had reminded me of her fragility. It had made me realize that she was more important to me than even I knew. The desperation in her lips and in her hands had been so heated. It had made me feel more alive than ever before. It had also strengthened my decision to make an honest woman out of her. For me, there was no other option than to marry her. To marry her and have children with her. To buy a house together and forge a life together where we could forget about the scars that had been left behind by the war. So that we could forget all the friends we'd lost and all the lost opportunities that had been stolen from us.

Shaking my head, I turned back to the road before me. Smiling slightly to myself, I decided to brave my luck with the first house on this street. There was bound to be a jewelry box somewhere inside. Opening the door, I was met instantly with the smell of a home that had been abandoned a long time ago. The dust had settled in a thick layer on all the furniture. The living room was an empty, hollow mess. Tables were overturned and on the floor was a lone teddy bear lying face-down amongst the dirt and the grime that had plagued the house in its owner's absence. I could almost hear the ghosts of their voices as they raced to get out of their house. They must have left in a great hurry. I shuddered, feeling a cold draft float through the open door to fill the small room.

Shoving my hands into my pocket, I continued my way into the house. The carpets were a rich burgundy color. It made the white, bare walls pop. The furniture was white too and I could see that whoever had done the cleaning must have been very meticulous about it. Even with all the dust covering the sofa and sitting chairs, the white fabric was unblemished. It was almost disconcerting how uninhabited the house felt.

All those thoughts were wiped completely from the forefront of my mind when I found a very expensive jewelry box sitting on the middle of a dresser in the largest room of the house. I approached it, my fingers itching to get inside to find its hidden treasures. My pulse was thudding loudly in my ears and my mind had gone blissfully blank. My sole purpose, my sole focus, was on the intricate designs painted across the surface of the black box before me.

I couldn't explain why my heart was pounding so eagerly against the confines of my chest. Or why my lungs had tightened so much that the thought of breathing was nothing but a distant memory in my mind. My hands were shaking as they reached out to pluck the first of the drawers out so that I could search through it.

I sifted through the mounds of jewelry thrown carelessly into the box. Gold necklaces, earrings set with emeralds and diamonds and sapphires. Platinum-plated bracelets, brooches set with different designs that made my head spin. The intricacy and care with which the previous owner must have chosen each piece of jewelry was obvious to me. Shrugging my shoulders and leaning a bit closer to the drawer so that I could see better, a glint of silver caught my eye. As I leaned further down toward the jewelry, it disappeared. Curious and more than a little hopeful, I leaned up again and found the glimmer of light again. Reaching forward and plucking a small ring from the deepest corner of the box, I couldn't help the gasp that ripped upward through my throat.

The ring sitting in the palm of my hand was so simple, but I couldn't help the draw I felt toward it. The band was platinum, the pale silver light glinting in the lingering lights given off by the fleeting sun. Etched into that band were two lines that entwined around each other. Like vines. And much like an infinity knot.

Coming from Scotland, my mother had loved Celtic knots. And the infinity knot had been one of her favorites. I smiled, remembering all the long conversations we'd had together about them. It made my stomach clench in pain. I missed home so much in that moment. I realized then why I'd kept myself from remembering when I'd been stuck in Bastogne and fighting for mine and Becca's lives in Holland. It just hurt too damn much.

I turned my focus back onto the ring, my fingers tightening around it so that I could lift it to my face. Set in the middle of the ring was a single diamond. It sparkled in the dim lights, sending a rainbow of colors before my eyes. I grinned, knowing that this was the ring that I'd come down here to get. This was the ring that had me shaking nearly a moment before. My only problem now was getting up the courage to ask her to marry me. Why did something that felt so right have to be so damn hard?

Leaving the house, I turned toward the hotel that all the officers had been placed. I imagined walking in through the door and seeing the sheets pooled about her small waist. The creamy glow of her skin under the shadows of the moonlit sky. And the black curls that would spread as an inky expanse across the white pillows. My mouth watered and I grew hard at once just thinking about making love to her this night.

I knew that this was the start of something new and wonderful. Rebecca was going to be my wife. She was going to take my name and have my children. I smiled happily at the thought before a glimmer of doubt reached my mind. It was a slim chance, but what if she wanted to go back to Bill or God forbid she'd found someone else out here that had caught her eye? I wanted-needed-to trust her so badly, but what if she really had been sneaking out in the mornings to go and meet someone else?

_Stop it, _a small voice in my head began, _she's not out there screwing around with some other guy. It's you she wants. It's always been you and if you can't see that, you're more of an idiot than you thought. _

Shaking my head, I knew that I had to believe that. I had to hold onto those thoughts to get me through. If I didn't, then I would just drive her away. I would lose the best thing that had ever happened to me. Trudging through the near-empty streets, the hotel loomed up above me. It's darkened silhouette stood like a monumental giant under the rays of the bright moon and the flickering lights of the stars. I grabbed the ring out of my pocket before sliding it onto my dog tags. I knew it would be safe there because I only took those off at night. I just couldn't let Becca see them. I chuckled to myself before letting my dog tags drop safely behind the barrier of my clothes before making my way up to our room.

When I reached for the door, something told me that she wasn't sleeping peacefully, not like I'd imagined. And when I turned the knob, the image I'd had before of her shattered into a thousand pieces. She was laying on my side of the bed, hugging the pillow to her chest. Sobs wracked through her body and the tears that streamed down her face were anything but beautiful. They were desperate and filled with despair. I ran to the bed, slamming the door behind me. My heart was beating so hard and fast against my chest as my fingers closed around her arms. Wrenching the pillow from her gasp, I pulled her into my arms.

"Baby, Jesus, what's wrong?" I nearly shouted in my worry for her. She was shaking so badly, her fingers tightening on the lapels of my jacket.

"R-r-ron?" she whispered, her throat tight with the tears that were still rolling down her cheeks. She pressed her face to my neck. I felt her trying to take deep breaths, but all that came out where her choked gasps, "I h-had the most h-horrible d-dream." I held her tightly and could feel the racing of her pulse against my chest. I also became very much aware of the fact that she was naked. Completely and utterly naked against me. At once, I felt myself grow hard against her. She threw her head back with a single cry that had her stilling at once when she looked into my eyes. There was a moment in which I didn't know if she would do anything. If she would pull away from me in disgust. But I couldn't help the way my body reacted to her. I couldn't seem to help anything when it came to her as a matter of fact.

"Ron, I-," she began in a whisper. Then, suddenly she stopped and gave me a calculating look. As if she was thinking very hard about something. I watched her eyes transform. Their cerulean depths darkened, showing me the lust that was brewing just under the surface of her skin. She leaned forward, her fingers finding their way to the belt of my pants. Her lips grazed the shell of my ear, her warm breath blowing a sensuous trail on my skin.

"Just make me forget, Ron. Please, make me forget," she muttered, unbuckling my belt and reaching into the dark depths of my pants to wrap her hand around the hard length of my manhood. I bucked immediately against her hand, the guttural moan falling from my lips making me shudder and writhe in her grip.

"Jesus, Becca-," I said, my voice shaky and breathy. She smiled at me then. It was sexy, confident, and full of happiness-things that I was astounded to see since only moments ago she'd been crying in my arms, "How the fuck do you do that?" I heard myself ask the question before I'd even really thought about saying it aloud.

"Do what?"

"Just a m-minute ago you were c-crying-," I muttered, trying so hard to concentrate on the words coming out of my mouth rather than the gentle brush of her fingers against me as she slipped my pants off, "Oh, fuck, don't stop." Letting go of all pretense, I gave myself over to the pleasure already pulsing through my body. Somewhere above me, I heard her giggle before she pulled me completely free of the suffocating confines of my boxers. Her fingers continued their ministrations until I was sure that I would implode with the pleasure and desire building up within my chest. I could almost feel myself on the brink of orgasm before she pulled away.

"Becca-," I began to protest before I heard the pounding at the door. Had I really been that far gone?

"Captain Speirs? You're late, sir. The patrol tonight-," the soldier outside began before I groaned and jumped out of bed to throw my clothes back on.

"Fuck-why is it that we're always being interrupted?" I demanded of the silence that had descended over the room. Behind me, I heard Becca giggling. I turned to her, an exasperated smirk lighting up on my face. It swept the anger and frustration away almost at once. I couldn't stay mad when she was looking at me like that.

"I've never seen you move so fast," she whispered, yanking the sheets up and over her. I bit my lip in protest, but didn't say anything. I'd completely forgotten about the meeting with Winters tonight for the patrol. Groaning, I leaned over the bed and kissed her lips.

"I'll be back later."

"Do you want me to wait up?" she asked me, her eyes glinting with mischief. I rolled my eyes and ruffled her black curls. For a moment, I considered asking her again what she had been crying about, but at the look on her face... I knew there would be time to talk about it later. I tried not to let the fear of what was bothering her overtake me. And as I pushed the stinging suspicion that I really should be worried, I smiled at her.

"Jesus, I have made a monster haven't I?" I chuckled, my fingers tightening around the door knob. The sound of her laughter was the last thing I heard as I nearly trampled the private outside our door. I couldn't believe that I'd gotten so lucky as to have her in my life again, but I was willing to do almost anything to keep her with me forever. It was those thoughts that would get me through this meeting and those thoughts that would get me through the rest of my life.

* * *

Sneaking as quietly back into the room as possible, I saw the gentle rise and fall of Becca's chest and knew that she was asleep. This was what I had imagined before. Her dark hair spread outward from her skull in a dark fan across the stark whiteness of the pillows and sheets. The covers were pulled up to her chest but I could still see the faint outline of her breasts straining against them from the chilled night air. Her pink lips were parted slightly as she dreamt. I smiled down at her, so perfect and so heart- breakingly beautiful that it made breathing a complete impossibility. And slipping under the sheets with nothing between our bodies was the best feeling in the world. I couldn't have described how happy I was when I threw my arm around her waist and pulled her back against my chest. Nor the tingle of my skin as her warmth coaxed me to sleep. Warmth that soon turned to an all-consuming heat...

_I held her tightly and could feel the racing of her pulse against my chest. I also became very much aware of the fact that she was naked. Completely and utterly naked against me. At once, I felt myself grow hard against her. She threw her head back with a single cry that had her stilling at once when she looked into my eyes. There was a moment in which I didn't know if she would do anything. If she would pull away from me in disgust. But I couldn't help the way my body reacted to her. I couldn't seem to help anything when it came to her as a matter of fact. _

"_Ron, I-," she began in a whisper. Then, suddenly she stopped and gave me a calculating look. As if she was thinking very hard about something. I watched her eyes transform. Their cerulean depths darkened, showing me the lust that was brewing just under the surface of her skin. She leaned forward, her fingers finding their way to the belt of my pants. Her lips grazed the shell of my ear, her warm breath blowing a sensuous trail on my skin. _

"_Just make me forget, Ron. Please, make me forget," she muttered, unbuckling my belt and reaching into the dark depths of my pants to wrap her hand around the hard length of my manhood. I bucked immediately against her hand, the guttural moan falling from my lips making me shudder and writhe in her grip. _

"_Jesus, Becca-," I said, my voice shaky and breathy. She smiled at me then. It was sexy, confident, and full of happiness-things that I was astounded to see since only moments ago she'd been crying in my arms, "How the fuck do you do that?" I heard myself ask the question before I'd even really thought about saying it aloud. _

"_Do what?"_

"_Just a...minute ago you were...crying-," I muttered, trying so hard to concentrate on the words coming out of my mouth rather than the gentle brush of her fingers against me as she slipped my pants off, "Oh, fuck, don't stop." Letting go of all pretense, I gave myself over to the pleasure already pulsing through my body. Somewhere above me, I heard her giggle before she pulled me completely free of the suffocating confines of my boxers. Her fingers continued their ministrations until I was sure that I would implode with the pleasure and desire building up within my chest. I could almost feel myself on the brink of orgasm before she pulled away. _

_Groaning, I tried to sit up and see what she was doing now. But then the softest, most gentle lips closed around me. Throwing my head back, I couldn't help the natural instinct of my hips to thrust upwards and into the caverns of her mouth. _

"_Becca, fuck, that feels so good," I muttered. It almost felt like I wasn't here in my body. Rather some place where words had no significance. But the sensations of her lips, teeth, and tongue on the length of my manhood were what anchored me to this moment in time. I had become one bundle of nerves. I became aware of my body tensing all over before the pleasure exploded into one continuous chorus of her name falling from my lips. Bright spots flashed behind my eyelids and it felt as if my heart and lungs had frozen in place as she pulled away from me. _

_I opened my eyes slowly, my mouth dry with the desire shaking its way through me. I saw the soft mounds of her breasts and the dark curls that fell past her shoulders, the tilt of her lips at the corners, and the sparkle of her eyes in the soft light filtering through the curtained windows. Her body was framed in moonlight and I couldn't help the wonder that overtook me that this woman was mine. _

_I sat up to take her into my arms and press my lips against her own. The lips that had just pleasured me beyond anything that I'd ever known. I twitched between our entwined bodies and knew that my body was more than ready to return the favor to her. I smiled against her, flipping us so that her back was flat against the mattress. Brushing her hair from her eyes, my lips moved gently against her own. _

"_I love you, Becca," I whispered, tightening my grip on her hips. I was poised at her entrance, waiting for a sign that she was as ready as I was. _

"_And I love you," she replied, her hands cupping the back of my neck, "I-I'm sorry that you had to find me that way, Ron." I shook my head, laying a quick kiss on her forehead. _

"_Don't be sorry. I like knowing that I can be there to comfort you, Becca. Don't ever be sorry for that, okay?" She stared up into my eyes, her fingers brushing across the line of my jaw. She nodded, smiling softly. _

"_Okay," she told me, her voice so soft that I could have imagined the words that fell from her lips. But her soft words soon turned into moans of pleasure as I plunged into her._

**Becca's POV**

**May 8, 1945**

I looked out over the sweep of the mountains framing the Eagle's Nest. The snow covering the peaks sparkled under the yellow rays of the sun. Turning my eyes upward, I saw the blue expanse of the sky, unencumbered by rain clouds or birds. Besides the men talking loudly and drunkenly behind me, the peaceful silence in the valley below and around us was more calming than anything I'd ever experienced. A cold breeze blew softly across my face, soothing the stinging heat in my cheeks from the wine I'd had earlier. And just like that, I was pulled from my thoughts and shoved right back into the middle of the festivities happening behind me.

"No, God damnit! Listen, Harry!" Nix said vehemently from his perch right beside Ron. He was trying to name Hitler and his top advisers off the top of his head. All with a stomach full of some of the finest wine that Germany had to offer, "Hitler, Hitler-. No, Hitler, Himmler, Goering, Goebbels-." He paused for a moment, a furrow appearing between his eyebrows and his tongue sticking out slightly through his lips. I had to giggle at the sight of our intelligence officer so concentrated on trying to list off a list of German officials.

"That it, Nix?" Harry asked as he chuckled and downed another swallow from the bottle they'd been passing around, "What about Himmler?"

"Nah, he already said that-," Ron piped in, staring down at his hands before glancing at me with a sloppy smile on his face.

"Yeah, I already said t-that," Nix said, hiccuping before snatching the bottle and raising it to his lips. I rolled my eyes and walked over to them to sit down beside Harry.

"You're forgetting Rudolph Hess. Can't forget him, Nix," I said with a smirk. He winked at me and passed the bottle onto Ron as he settled more comfortably into his seat. At that moment, Dick and Lipton walked out onto the balcony with grins on their faces. There was something giddy in the way Dick was walking toward us and it had to make me wonder what news they had for us.

"Hey, Adolph!" Harry yelled, throwing up his arms as he stood up to greet our guests, "We love your Eagle's Nest and I hope you don't mind, but we made ourselves at home."

"I can see that. Becca's the only one out of you guys that looks sober," Dick said, clapping Harry on the book as he looked at the four of us.

"Aw, come on, Dick. I don't look too bad," Nix said, his eyes hooded and his smile betraying the fact that he was probably the drunkest of them.

"Here, have a drink, Dick," Harry said, grabbing the bottle up from Nix and trying to pass it to his friend, "Just so we can say we saw you do it." Dick stared at him a moment, the grin firmly in place before he shook his head a bit.

"Alright, listen up. From the top effective immediately. All troops stand fast on present positions." Harry sighed, then did a sloppy imitation of a stand at attention. We all watched him and laughed.

'Standing fast," Nix said, putting his hands behind his head and stretching out on the sunning chair he was sharing with Ron. Ron looked up from his lap, mumbling something that sounded along the same lines as what Nix had said. I giggled, watching the amused exasperation creep up on both Lipton's and Dick's faces.

"You wanna hear it?" Dick asked us, clapping Harry on the shoulder one more time, "You ready for it? Listen up. German Army just surrendered." The serious expressions that fell onto all of our faces was astounding and the silence that covered the balcony in that moment was even more breath taking. None of us could believe that after nearly a year of being in action that the fighting was finally over. Then, Dick moved and the silence and tension broke in two.

"And you," he said, pointing at Nixon, "I have a present for you." I watched the two men walk away and the turned my eyes on Ron, who was staring at me with a smirk on his face. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but I knew exactly what I was thinking. Or rather hoping for. With the end of the war so close, the possibility of finally getting away from Europe and back to the states with him nearly overwhelmed all of my other thoughts. I couldn't hear or see anyone else but him in those few captured moments. He was my everything and I had to hope that just maybe before we left that he would ask me to marry him. For now, it was enough when he picked me up by the waist and twirled me around, peppering kisses on my lips and neck that sent a current of heat straight to my throbbing core. If only I'd realized then that the night of May 8 would begin the long procession down the pathway to my ultimate misery.

**Well I have to say, I was actually shocked to see that I continued that smut scene in Ron's dreams. I haven't looked at this chapter since I wrote it, which was probably about May of last year. So yeah lol. Anyway...thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I apologize for not getting back to you. I promise I will do that sometime today. I have been crazy busy trying to get reassimilated to school. I was on my spring break last week and needless to say, my body is not happy about having to get up at 5:30 every morning three times a week. *sigh***

**Oh well, I hope you guys like this chapter! I can't wait to hear your thoughts about it! 3**


	45. No Air

_So how do you expect me_

_To live alone with just me?_

_Cause my world revolves around you_

_It's so hard for me to breathe_

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe_

_Can't live, can't breathe with no air_

_It's how I feel whenever you aren't there_

_There's no air, no air_

"_No Air" by Jordan Sparks and Chris Brown_

**Becca's POV**

**June 30, 1945**

The crunch of the fallen leaves underneath my feet reminded me that not everything in this world had been touched by the war. And while in some ways I'd mourned for my loss of innocence and ignorance, I would never give up the last year and a half. I would never have given up the experiences I went through, because to do so would have meant that I would never have known Bill Guarnere or Ronald Speirs. Or even men like Dick Winters, Shifty Powers, Don Hoobler, and George Luz. They were all of them unique in their own ways and I'd gone through so much with them. It was almost impossible considering what life would be like without the influence they'd had over me. But of course as I'd learned a very long time ago, dwelling on everything that had been left and lost behind because of the war was never the best idea. Simply because there were an impossible number of things to weep over.

The ravages of the battles and fighting we'd seen were not just skin deep. It ran so much deeper than that. Even now, I could feel the scars that had encased my heart throughout the past year. It was difficult that I would never be able to get away from the war or the memories I would forever hold from it. Yes I knew all too well what awaited me in my future and I couldn't help but let my thoughts snap back to my current problem.

I'd had my doubts before because it wasn't possible that I could be pregnant. We'd used condoms, we'd been safe. But I could almost feel the cells multiplying inside me, forming a perfect little combination of mine and Ron's genes. I could almost feel the bundle forming in my stomach and weighing me down. And I couldn't help but feel hopeless about the whole thing. I'd already stolen away one child from Ron. Would he be excited to hear that I was carrying his child? Would he want to marry me just because of the baby or would he marry me because he actually wanted to? So many questions and so little answers. I shook my head, knowing that this was not the right time to tell him anyway. I didn't know for sure and I wouldn't know until I met with Doc Ryan. He would tell me the truth, he would give me the answers I so longed to hear.

Before I turned my attention back to the trail before me, my lips turned upwards into a smile at the thought of having a baby. Ron's baby. My stomach and heart fluttered happily and all of a sudden, I felt so giddy. I'd never seriously considered the idea of having a child, not yet anyway. But now that the possibility loomed over my head, I couldn't help but picture myself carrying around a baby that was the spitting image of Ron. I giggled, the sound bubbling up from somewhere deep inside my chest and permeating the crisp, morning air around me. Then, taking a deep breath, I finally focused on the path my feet were taking me down.

Turning my eyes skyward, I could catch the glimpses of the Austrian mountains in the distance through the trees. And the sky was so blue. The prettiest, most pure blue I'd ever seen in my life. The sun's rays peaked down at me through the branches and the leaves. I couldn't help but grin and turn my face up into that light. It felt so nice and so unbelievably freeing to be walking under the welcoming sunshine with that light breeze blowing lazily through my hair. The snap of a twig behind me brought me abruptly out of my happiness. Feeling almost sickened by the adrenaline that pulsed suddenly through my veins, I whipped around only to meet Ron's warm, flickering gaze. At the sight of me staring up at him with wide, frightened eyes, his shoulders slumped.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he said, walking up to me. He stood right in front of me, but didn't make any moves to touch me. I was frozen in place by his gaze, my pulse accelerating. It was thumping so hard and so fast against my rib cage that I could barely breathe. Taking a shallow breath, I closed my eyes to try to calm myself down.

What had that been just now? It was just Ron, not some German coming to ambush me while I was all alone. Yet another proof of the marks that were still present beneath my skin and beneath the exterior I'd been putting up nearly my whole life. To keep other people from noticing all the hurt and the pain and the depression that lay beneath. But I'd let Ron see that hadn't I? Numerous times by breaking down in front of him.

Soft lips skimmed against the underside of my jaw. I gasped in surprise as an overwhelming wave of desire and lust waved over me. My knees trembled in the wake of his gentle touch. I reached out to him and quickly took hold of his shoulders.

"R-Ron," I said, shuddering slightly as his arms snaked around my waist. He pressed his nose against my jaw, his warm breath creating a delicious friction against my skin.

"Yes?" he whispered. After all this time one thing had remained the same throughout the course of the war. My love for the man before me had never wavered. Even when I'd nearly convinced myself that I could move on, that I could be with Bill instead, Ron had swooped down and knocked down all my defenses again. I held onto him more tightly, pressing the length of my body against his so that he had no choice but to stand up straight again and look into my eyes.

"You know that I love you don't you?" I whispered, somehow needing to say it to him just then. Maybe it was to reassure myself, maybe it was a subconscious effort to reassure him. I would never know.

**Ron's POV**

As my arms twisted around her waist, I couldn't help but feel my love for her pulse through my body. Somehow, in the past month and a half, the fact that she'd snuck out on me during the night seemed to have faded away into a black abyss where it could never be touched again. I couldn't have even told myself how much it filled me with happiness knowing that at any moment I could kneel in front of her, ask her for her hand, and know for a fact that she would say yes to me.

I held her closer to my chest, feeling the soft mounds of her breasts pressed firmly against me and the swell of heat between her legs where the only things that hid her from me were a short pair of PT shorts and her underwear. I groaned, a sweat breaking out over my brow as I strained against the confines of my own shorts. Then I became aware of her soft hands moving gently through the threads of my hair. I nearly fell backward when I leaned back to look down onto her face. She was staring at me with so many emotions swirling through her cerulean eyes. I could see the giddy joy appearing on her face but I could see beneath that to the sorrow and the guilt she was feeling. And there it was again. The suspicion, the doubts that she was still as sure about me-about us-as she had been before. How could I be sure that she still loved me?

"You know that I love you don't you?" she blurted out suddenly, her voice so low in my ear that I could have imagined it. I could see the conviction on her face though. The love and admiration was shining so brightly in her eyes, making them sparkle and flicker like two bright blue stars in the sky. In that moment, I thought I could see my own personal heaven inside those two reflective pools of light and joy. I could see my own happiness if I chose to stay beside her for the rest of my life. And I saw my own demise there as well should I chose to leave her. Reeling backwards, I pulled myself out of the depths of her eyes, came to myself. I was pressed to take a step away from her, but her hands in my hair and her body pressed so tightly against mine was all that kept me rooted to the spot. No matter what had been going on with her, I knew that I couldn't leave her all alone here. I wouldn't be able to stand the pain. Nor the utter and complete desolation and despair that was sure to accompany our parting.

"I know," I whispered, my voice much more steady than I was feeling, "I love you too, Becca." I held her now so tightly that I was surprised that she could still breathe. But I couldn't lessen my hold. My heart would not allow it and my muscles seemed to be working of their own accord entirely. I leaned forward again, this time my aim being her own soft lips. There were a few seconds of hesitation. The electricity crackled between us. The fire danced behind her eyes and her mouth curled upwards at the corners before I closed the gap completely. Her whole body melted against my own. Her hands were everywhere. Skimming along the length of my arms, in my hair, gripping my face firmly between her small fingers. There was nothing comparable to the way it made me feel to have her pressed so tightly to me. For once in my life I felt completely and undeniably whole. As I leaned away from her to catch my breath, I knew then that it was the perfect time. This was the perfect place to ask her to marry me. Here in the midst of one of the most beautiful places I'd ever seen. The lake glistened beside us. Its waters glided fluidly, effortlessly, against themselves and the shore. If I strained myself, I could even hear the birds and the other animals that were enjoying this fine summer day too. For now all I could hear was our heavy breathing and the beating of my heart in my own ears. I gulped, cupping her face in my hand one last time.

This was it. The moment I'd been waiting for for the better part of two months. I was so nervous, but at the same time I drew strength from the joy shimmering in her bright blue eyes. I knew that she would say yes. I knew that this was just the beginning of the rest of our lives together. Clasping her hand in my own, I couldn't help the soft smile that curled my lips.

"Becca, I have somet-," I began, testing the words carefully on my tongue. I hadn't gotten very far when an annoyingly familiar voice suddenly interrupted the peace between us.

"Becca!" Private Heffron yelled, throwing up his hands and smiling at her in what seemed to be a relieved manner, "I've been looking all over the damned town for you." He grinned at her before he finally seemed to notice me still hugging her around the waist. I watched his entire body go rigid. The poise with which he froze and snapped to attention was impressive and if he hadn't been standing right in front of me, I might have laughed.

"Good morning, sir. I didn't see you there," he told me, his voice strained. I waved him off, feeling the tension in Becca's body as she looked from me to her friend.

"That's alright. I'm easy to miss when I've got this strapped to me," I chuckled, smiling down at her. But there was something in her eyes now. Something that riled that long-dormant beast within me. I could see the secrets swirling behind her eyes and I could see the worry there that I would find out exactly what those were. But aside from the worry there was also a trembling tendril of hesitant excitement. Excitement for what I could not figure out.

"Well, Becca, Doc Ryan says he needs to see you. He won't be free long, so you better run up there," Heffron said, his eyes darting from her conflicted face to mine. I could almost feel his eyes boring into me. Maybe he didn't know anything either, but if Becca was leaving, it might be time for me to start asking one of her closest friends what her problem was.

"Alright," she said quietly before disentangling herself from me. I could hear those same emotions creeping into her voice. The urge to know, to find out the reason for those emotions, struck a chord in me. Before I knew what I was really doing, my hand had snaked around her wrist and jerked her back against my body. Her breath hitched and I could see the pounding pulse in her neck as she turned her gaze upwards to my own. I could feel the anger rising up within me, throbbing listlessly behind my eyes and making my eyes glow with a fierceness I'd never really known. Even knowing that her sergeant had been the one to touch her, to comfort her when all I'd left behind were the tattered remains of her heart had not caused me this much fury. It was all borne of the fact that she was lying to me. I'd seen it too many times in her eyes-the guilt, the pain, the sorrow. She was hiding something from me, something important and I was suddenly determined to find out exactly what that was.

"What's going on?" I demanded, gripping her even tighter around her wrist. I could see the pain flash through her eyes. I could feel her hand suddenly landing on my chest, trying desperately to push me away. And the way she flinched away from me. I'd never really ever hurt her physically before but a part of me felt like it was the only way to get her to confess. What else _could _I do? I'd waited for her. I'd drowned in the pool of doubt, confusion, hesitation to see if she would ever tell me of her own volition. But she hadn't and now it seemed the dams had broken apart. Swirling through me was so much rage and hurt that she thought she had to keep secrets from me simply because she was terrified of my reaction. As ridiculous as it sounded, I knew there had to be some sort of reason that she felt that way. Maybe it was true. I did have a short temper but I could never, ever push her away. No matter the reason. She was so deeply embedded into my very soul that cutting her off from me would be suicide. I couldn't stand the thought of leaving her or having her leave me. The very idea made me choke on my emotions, tightened my chest, and made breathing an absolute impossibility. The fact that she had so much control of me was disconcerting-sometimes even disturbing-but I knew that whatever happened, I'd rather have my world revolve around her than to live without her.

I turned my attention back to her. I knew I'd behaved rashly when I met her steely gaze. Something inside her had hardened in the few seconds that I'd lost focus. I couldn't give up though, could I? I was so desperate and I had to know what was bothering her. What she was keeping from me. This entire ordeal had gone on too long and it was time for me to get some answers.

"Becca, tell me what's going on," I muttered. My voice was soft but the firm grip I had on her never loosened, never slacked. Because I couldn't afford to have her break away from me now. Not when I was this close to solving her mysterious behavior over the last two months.

"Let go of me, Ron. I don't have to tell you anything. I've just been feeling a little off lately and I wanted to make sure it isn't anything more serious than the beginnings of a cold," she told me. Her face was the perfect mask of innocent sincerity, but the flash of her eyes gave her away. With the bright sunlight beaming down on us and the cool, clear water glistening with calming light I almost chose ignore the fact that she was lying to me yet again, but I couldn't let it go. It was too important for me to just push it aside like that. I deserved to know the truth. That she refused to tell me what I wanted to know made me even more furious. I gripped her tighter and this time, she let out a sharp gasp of pain.

"Fucking tell me what's going on, Becca. Why are you lying to me?" I shouted now, my rage rippling outwards and lashing at her in angry torrents.

"Ron, you're hurting me," she said, her eyes watering up as she tried desperately to get away from me, "Please, just let me go. Please." I could see true fear in her eyes now. It was a look that I'd almost forgotten while she'd been with me. It was easy to ignore the looks from the men because I was so used to it. They'd always seen me as intimidating and terrifying. I nearly smirked at the reminders of the rumors they'd spread about me. Of course I couldn't say for sure if they were really rumors if nearly all of them were in fact true. I had captured those guns at Brecourt on D-Day single handed. I hadn't exactly killed twenty POWs, but I had killed that son of a bitch who'd dared to threaten Becca's life. And of course the sergeant in my platoon who'd decided that being drunk on a patrol was more important than following orders-well he'd certainly learned not to mess with Ronald Speirs. Disobeying a direct order was one thing I would no tolerate. That soldier had gotten what he deserved.

"Sir?" a cautious voice brought me out of my reveries. I turned my head and met the steady gaze of Private Heffron. His face was contorted with worry and hesitation as his fingers closed around the arm that was gripping Becca's wrist. And as if the plug had been pulled on my emotions, all the rage and doubt fled from my veins. I was left feeling completely and utterly alone and helpless. An unexplainable terror gripped me. It made my heart contract painfully around itself and made my breath hitch in my throat. I closed my eyes, trying to shake off the terrible feelings, but it only made it worse.

Images, so many images, shifted and swirled behind my closed eyelids.

_Rebecca's eyes were glowing with happiness until her eyes landed fully upon my face. The smile left her face. I watched the fear and horror creep into those two celestial pools of warmth and light and felt a part of my soul break away. I tried to tell myself that she deserved this. She deserved all the pain and misery I was about to inflict upon her. But somehow, I couldn't completely believe that I was really doing the right thing. _

My stomach was twisted into one continuous line of despair and desolation. What was I doing? Where was all this inexplicable rage coming from? As the images assaulted my mind, I realized just how deeply her lies and secrecy were cutting through us both. I sighed heavily before letting go of her wrist. And as I turned away from her, I knew that I couldn't turn back now. I couldn't prevent the horrible things that I would do to her. I was helpless to stop it and so was she.

I turned toward the lake, watching the bright rays of the sun sparkle on top of the water. But my eyes and my ears weren't focused at all on the pristine beauty of that natural wonder. I listened silently as Becca said goodbye to Heffron and walked away from both of us. I could feel the exact moment when I broke again. In anger this time. It was all so frustrating and could she begrudge me that? She'd been lying to me for so long and I was tired of it. Before I really knew what was happening, I'd turned on my heel and grabbed Heffron by the lapels of his jacket. I watched his eyes widen in fear. He licked his lips nervously, his fingers tightening in hesitance around my own. As if he didn't know whether he should or even if he could push me away from him. I couldn't help the thrill that shot through me as I realized that loving Becca was not a weakness. I still had that formidable quality that would forever leave men intimidated and frightened by the mere mention of my name.

"Heffron, I'm sure that you can understand just how irritated I am at the knowledge that Rebecca is blatantly lying to me. Tell me what she's hiding from me!" I growled, holding him even tighter until I was sure that he was catching my drift. I wasn't a man to be dicked around and I certainly wasn't going to let her get away with this. Sooner or later, I would find out, "Is she fucking someone behind my back? Is that it?" Heffron's hands were shaking atop my own but he didn't lessen his hold on my arms either.

"No, sir. Far as I know she's just going to see the Doc. She hasn't told me anything," he confessed, his entire frame trembling beneath my unwavering gaze. I saw the truth in his eyes and I let go of him abruptly. He didn't have the information I needed and that annoyed me to no end.

"Dismissed," I told him, waving my hand behind my back. God, the day had started off so well and then everything had spiraled out of control. I was beyond angry right now and I had no idea how to pull myself back from the dangerous slope down into insurmountable rage and hatred toward the woman I loved. Hadn't we both held enough secrets from each other for the rest of our lives? Weren't we too far along for hiding from each other?

"Oh and Heffron, you better not be lyin' to me."

**Becca's POV**

_You're pregnant. _

The voice muttered those two words over and over and over again in my head. I couldn't say what I was feeling right now. Relief trembled through my frame in wave upon wave. Finally, all the weeks of waiting and wondering were over. I knew for sure now what was wrong with me.

_You're pregnant._

But the only other emotion that I could discern was an undeniable terror. It shook through my chest and through my heart with every breath I took and every resounding beat that ticked against the column of my neck. What could I do now? I couldn't tell Ron. Especially not after the way he'd reacted down by the lake this morning. I tried to shut the memory out of my mind, tried to focus on anything but the way his eyes had suddenly gleamed with fury and hatred. All of that had been directed straight at me. He'd seen straight through my feeble lies. I was sure that he'd known for the longest time, but he'd always been good at arranging his face into an unreadable mask.

_I'm pregnant._

The statement sent yet another wave of hysteria through me. A year ago, I wouldn't have dreamed of being pregnant at the age of 24. And I certainly wouldn't have imagined feeling this conflicted and despairing about the news. I was having a baby. Ron's baby. I should be happy. My cheeks should be glowing and I should be so beside myself with joy that I would tell everyone I met on the street that _I was pregnant_.

But all I really felt was a hollowness. In my chest and in my heart. I wasn't happy. Because what was there now? If I told Ron, he would feel obligated to marry me. I didn't want that. I wanted him to marry me because he wanted to. I didn't want him to stick around just for the baby. I knew that was what it had boiled down to. The end of the war was coming. It didn't matter if we started preparing for deployment to the Pacific. None of that mattered because we weren't going. I hadn't told anyone else that, but I knew it somehow in my heart. And the dim memories from so many years ago flashed before my eyes.

_They trained for months to go to war with Japan. And then one day, Winters went to them and told them the war was over. They wouldn't see the war in the Pacific. _

I opened my eyes again and noticed for the first time that I was standing yet again beside the blue expanse of that phenomenal lake. The shimmering mountain peaks and the gentle, lazy lap of the water against the shore replaced the panic within me with a temporary feeling of peace. I held onto that for a few minutes, imagining for a moment that I wasn't carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Then the world seemed to crash down when I heard a soft voice beside me.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Dick asked me, his hand falling down on my shoulder and giving it a light squeeze. I glanced up into his blue eyes and let out a shaky breath.

"I like to come out here and think. So I can be alone," I told him. I felt him stiffen before letting his hand drop from my shoulder. My mind was so muddled with thoughts that it took me a lingering moment before I figured out why he'd done that. I turned to him, my hand finding his forearm instantly.

"I didn't mean it like that," I said quickly, not wanting to hurt his feelings, "I'm sorry. I've just-I've got a lot on my mind right now."

"Penny for your thoughts?" he said, raising his eyebrows at me. He stared down at me with his calculating eyes. Unlike Ron's gaze, his was warm and comforting. It filled me with relief, knowing that there was someone by my side that was that dependable and that kind.

I giggled breathlessly, not really knowing where I would begin telling him some of the thoughts in my head, "Maybe they're better left in my head. It's enough having you here with me." He chuckled, throwing his arm around my shoulders and steering me away from the lake. The dying sun was hovering just over the ridge of the mountains. Flooding the sky with colors ranging from burning orange to midnight purple.

"Come on, let's get you inside. I'm sure Ron would have my head if he knew I left you out here all alone," Dick said, squeezing me once more before letting me go entirely. I followed after him, my mind still nothing more than a thick fog. The worst was yet to come. I just didn't know it yet.

**July 3, 1945**

_I was wandering through the thickening snow, my ankles swimming in the wet and the cold. I hugged the thin jacket closer to my frame, trying to conserve what little body heat was left to me. I had to keep going. I had to fight for my life. Not only for myself but also for the baby in my womb. _

_I had not a person left in the world but that baby. His baby. Tears ran unnoticed down my cheeks and at last I was breaking apart. After so many months of doing nothing but trying to keep my thoughts away from him, the memories of all that we had shared flooded back to me. My knees shook with the force and I was so tempted to fall to the ground and give up. But then I saw the light at the end of the street. When I looked up, I found the numbers and letters emblazoned like a piercing flame before my eyes. _

_**14th Street.**_

_The street address from the letter. Where Bill and his wife were living. Despite the sorrow and utter hopelessness I felt, I couldn't help the smile that curled my lips. I was so close..._

I leaned my forehead against the wall behind me. Why couldn't I get that dream out of my head? Why couldn't I shake the feeling that that scene was not just a dream, but a foretelling. Of what would happen because of the lies I was still living. I hadn't told Ron the truth about why I was going to Doc Ryan and I definitely couldn't tell him what I'd found out there. It was a real catch-22. I wanted to tell him the news. That I would was pregnant, with his baby. But at the same time I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want him to be with me just because of the baby. He loved me, I had no doubts about that. I had the feeling that it wouldn't be enough when we got back to the real world. There were so many women out there who were better for him. Prettier, smarter, more funny, more understanding. With his good lucks he could have nearly anyone he wanted.

I sighed heavily before turning my focus back to the craps game in front of me. I wasn't playing, but I was sitting behind Luz and trying to help him out.

"Damn it, Becca. Why didn't you call that? Coulda saved me ten bucks," Luz grumbled, throwing down the rest of his hand and putting a cigarette in his mouth. I giggled, watching Bull take the pile of money that had accumulated in the middle of the unsteady table. I patted Luz's arm before kissing him sympathetically on the cheek.

"Sorry, George, you know I'm no good at craps."

"No broad is good at craps. That's why they ain't allowed to play," Heffron said beside me before reaching out and ruffling my hair. I glared at him before kicking his shoe. Shooting a last glance over my shoulder, I saw Grant stand up and grab his helmet.

"I'm out guys, I gotta go take these two recruits to the roadblock for the changing of the guard. I'll be back later," he was saying as he swung his rifle up over his shoulder. An idea struck me then. I didn't want to sit around and feel useless anymore. And I liked Chuck so I skipped over to him and grabbed his arm.

"Wouldn't mind if I tagged along would ya?" I asked him, flashing him my most flattering smile. He shook his head, grinning at me.

"Long as I don't get in trouble with Sparky, it's fine by me," Chuck replied, swinging his arm around my shoulder and leading me to the jeep that was parked outside. The two privates were already standing by the jeep. One had a cigarette in his mouth and the other one seemed to be talking to him about something. As we got closer I realized it was just about what they would be doing tonight.

"God, I'm so nervous, Jimmy."

"No reason to be nervous," Chuck told them both when we were almost level with them. I watched them both jump to attention, throw their hands up, and salute both of us instinctively. I realized then that these men were replacements, men that hadn't even been properly broken into the company yet. I stifled a giggle, holding on tighter to Grant's arm to keep from laughing. It was nice to feel that urge again. After a few days of going with it. It seemed now my life was nothing more than a huge dilemma filled with worry and doubts. Just like that, the sorrow filled my heart again. More than anything, I just wanted to resolve whatever was happening between Ron and me. I couldn't live like this anymore. It sickened me and it terrified me that I might just be pushing him away by being dishonest.

I wanted nothing more than to go to him and have him wrap me up in his strong embrace. I wanted to feel the gentle scrub of his stubble against the palms of my hands. I so desperately wished for him to whisper in my ears the words I'd longed to hear. _Needed_ to hear before I told him that we would be having a baby together. But I couldn't spare that thought a second because Grant was helping me up into the passenger seat of the jeep. His calloused hands hoisted me upwards and placed me gently in the seat, his eyes full of concern at my lack of responsiveness to everything that was going on around me. Still I couldn't shake away the desolation and hopelessness that were wracking through my body. But then Grant's hand enfolded around my cheeks. He forced me to look at him as he stared up at me.

"Hey, don't you break on me, Smalls," he said, a cheeky smile lighting up his face. I gazed right back at him, feeling the intensity behind his eyes boring into my own. Feeling the strength and the understanding in his hands, "Whatever's wrong, put it out of your mind until we get back alright?" And then as if everything had suddenly become clear to me, I cracked a crooked grin. I nodded, patting his shoulder.

"You got it, Chuck," I muttered, relaxing back into my seat and crossing my hands over my chest. By then, the rest of the guys had loaded into the jeep. Grant started it up and off we drove toward the roadblock where the two privates in the back were supposed to be on guard in a few minutes. I sighed in contentment. The wild wind blew strong and hard against my cheeks and in my hair. I'd never felt so free as I did then. I tried to hang onto that feeling, tried desperately to fight the fear and the despair in my heart and mind. But then the mention of one name brought it all back. Along with the guilt and the loneliness that had been there since he'd left.

"I hate not having anything to do because then all you can do is think about everything that's happened. All the men you've lost. All the great men you've lost. Like Bill Guarnere. Jesus, would you know that that guy was so worked up on D-Day. He'd just lost his brother at Monte Cassino in Italy so he was looking for some blood. He gets out of his harness and outta nowhere this guy jumps out of the hedgerow. Bill doesn't know what the hell's going on so he shoves a knife up against his throat and screams, 'Whose side are you on?'" Grant said, his voice forming small, quiet chuckles at the back of his throat. For a moment, I tried to remember Bill's face and his body as he told us all that story when we got back to England. It had been a Thursday and we'd just got done running ten miles all around Aldbourne. It was light work compared to what Sobel had made us do and then Dick had given us the afternoon off. So, Bill and a couple of the other guys had asked me to tag along while they swapped stories from D-Day. I gripped the seat as the guilt took me again. All the things I'd done to him. Even then. And all the things that he'd said to me in Bastogne came rushing back in a tidal-wave that threatened to drown me forever. It was then that I realized just how much I missed him. There hadn't been much time in the last few months to really dwell on the man that had captured my heart almost as much as Ron had. The man who'd stayed by my side without complaining. Selflessly.

The sudden jolting of the jeep beneath me had me turning my focus back to the men around me. I glanced over my shoulder at the three guys. They were all staring in confusion at the scene in front of the jeep. As if in slow motion, I turned my head. Something about the bodies strewn so carelessly across the cold, wet ground sent chills of fear up my spine. And standing there in the headlights of an abandoned jeep was a fellow paratrooper. I could just make out the dark outline of the sidearm gripped fiercely in his hand. I gulped, wanting to stop Grant as he swung his leg over the side of the vehicle and jumped out.

"Wait here. I'll handle this," he muttered, sending me a sharp look. Before I could distinguish what that look meant, I had to turn my hearing to the two men standing a few meters away. I had to be aware. I had to be ready if anything bad happened. And by the looks of it, the paratrooper was not exactly stable. Probably drunk or just looking to get some revenge on some unsuspecting souls.

"Hey, you okay? You need some help with something?" Grant asked him, his posture defensive. I could see the tense line of his shoulders and his balled fists as the Private got closer to him. He had his arm held up in front of his eyes from our own high beams. The pistol gleamed darkly against his pallid skin. My mouth had gone dry and my hands were poised on the outside of the jeep, waiting for any sign that the situation was about to turn ugly. Chilling, carefree laughter filled the air. The private was pointing at the two bodies, covered in blood and strewn so haplessly in the middle of the road between him and Grant. There was a lazy smile on his face that showed that he was anything but guilty for murdering them in cold blood.

"They wouldn't give me any gas," he said. Then his face darkened before he looked on of the men in the eyes and kicked drunkenly at his head, "Fucking Krauts." I heard the sickening crunch as the tip of his boot met the German's temple. I closed my eyes, bile rising in my throat as I heard his chilling laugh once again. Then I heard the sound of movement. My eyes snapped open again of their own volition, landing immediately on the private's retreating back. He was swinging his arms, motioning to yet another body that he'd collected in his conquest for gas.

"I tried to explain, but that fuckin' Limey wouldn't listen to me," he told Grant, his voice devoid of anything but pure and unadulterated anger. It brushed across my skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps on my skin. My heart was pumping wildly against the confines of my chest. I couldn't think past my own fear that somehow Grant could end up like those men, "I think he was a Major."

"Oh, God," I whispered, clutching the side of the jeep even harder. My fingertips were growing numb and every cell in my body was poised before the precipice of a very dangerous drop. If he was willing to kill a Major for what he wanted...

"Look, Private, we have a problem here," Grant said, his voice so low that I almost didn't catch the words coming from his mouth. I could hear that he was scared too. Of what the men had done. Of what he could still do.

"Do you have any gas?"

"Why don't you give me your weapon?"

"I guess I'll use the Limey's jeep. I don't think he'll be needing it," he said, letting out a derisive, drunken snort. It was like he couldn't even hear what Grant was saying to him. He turned around, his arm still swinging wildly and the pistol glinting in the darkness like some poisonous black snake.

"Hold on a second, alright?" Grant said, raising his voice and stepping after the Private. By now, I could hear the near-hysteria in his voice. To get the situation under his control and to get that weapon out of the other man's hand.

And what happened next made my heart stop for a moment. Then my pulse came crashing down around me in a numbing crescendo. Still it was not enough to cover up the sound of a bullet leaving the Private's pistol.

"Grant!" I screamed, clambering as if in slow motion from the jeep. My boots thumped against the ground, the pressure nearly making my knees give out. I ran toward him, my hands reaching out for his head immediately, "Fucking Christ. Get him in the truck!" I couldn't stop the fear-the hysteria and the hopeless despair-from coloring my voice as the others crouched down beside me. I was so terrified and I knew from the blood flowing steadily from the wound in his skull that he didn't have long before he would be too far gone to save. I let go of him only for a moment so that they could load him into the back of the jeep.

"Drive back to Zel am See and drop me off at the aid station. Then go find Winters or Speirs. Whoever you can find first!" I told them, climbing into the back and placing Chuck's head in my lap. I stripped off my jacket and wrapped it around his head, pressing as hard as I could down on his wound, "And hurry! We've got about an hour, if that." I was screaming over the roar of the wind. It slapped me hard and fast across my cheeks, but I could hardly feel the sting. All that I could focus on was the man in my lap. His life hung in the balance and if I had anything to say about it, I would not see another good man die at my hands.

Five minutes later and I was sitting beside Grant on a bed. I stared down at him, laying there so still and quiet. Darkness permeated my soul and filled my head with an ocean of questions and doubts. I held tighter to the wound on his head, brushing my other hand down his arm to find his hand. I grasped it tightly, as if it were my only tie to the real world. I closed my eyes, reveling in the warmth I could still feel in his touch and the way his chest rose and fell with every shuddering breath he took. My pulse was pounding in my ears, but I wouldn't lose my focus or my determination. I couldn't lose my head, not now. Not when Grant's life was flirting so precariously with Death already.

A moment later and a loud banging startled me out of my reverie. I jumped, my heart speeding up at the sight of Ron, Talbert, and Gene striding in through the set of double doors leading into the aid station. His dark pools found mine immediately. For once in a long time, his face was completely shut off from me. No emotions shined back at me and nothing could prepare me for the way my heart clenched at that moment. I trembled under his scrutiny, every nerve in my body screaming at me to go to him and make everything right. I knew that now was not the time. I closed my eyes again, holding even tighter to the man next to me. As if my life depended on it.

"What happened?" Ron asked me, his fingers skimming across the bed sheets that weren't covered by our bodies. I opened my eyes again and summoned what little strength of mind I had left to explain what had occurred on that dark road. The situation that even now seemed to have happened so long ago.

"We were driving Private Nelson and Private Henderson out for the changing of the guard. There was a guy standing in the middle of the road. There were three jeeps scattered across the road. Three dead bodies. One of them was British. Two of them were Krauts. He explained that he needed gas and that none of them would give him any. And when Grant tried to take his gun away he just-just ignored him. Like he wasn't even there," I explained to them, trying to get my emotions under control. Every nerve in my body tensed with renewed fear. But then something happened that I hadn't expected at all. Ron's fingers glided across the back of my hand. The hand that was holding Grant's. He placed his hand over mine. It was so warm and I suddenly found more strength growing and glowing inside me, "He turned around to go get in the Brit's jeep and Grant tried to stop him. The Private turned and shot Grant through the side of the head. I haven't looked to see if it was a clean wound or not. I was-I thought that if I waited any longer he would bleed out. Head wounds tend to bleed a lot. I was scared." My voice trailed away as a whisper. I was shaking now. The strength fled me and I could do nothing but flip my hand over and entwine my fingers with Ron's. He locked eyes with me for a second before dropping my hand and running his fingers through his hair with a sigh of frustration.

"Go get the doc, Roe," he muttered, his eyes now rolling past Grant and I to land on Talbert.

"Soon as we get Grant squared away, we're gonna find the bastard. We're gonna find him and make him pay for this. We're too close to the end for this shit," he said. His voice was every bit as chilling as I'd remembered. It was full of no remorse, no compassion, no mercy. And for once, I couldn't have agreed with him more. The bastard deserved to feel a little pain. For what he'd done to Grant. For what he'd done to the company of men that I loved more than my own life. My thoughts were interrupted when the Doctor skidded to a halt at my elbow. He knocked my hands out of the way and motioned for me to flick the overhead light on. My hands were shaking as I closed my hand around the chain dangling from the lamp beside me. But finally I managed to grasp it and pull it with a small click. Doctor Johnson leaned forward, lifting the white bandage I'd replaced my jacket with. I could see his eyes widen in disbelief as he took in the sight of Grant's mangled gun shot wound.

"The hell happened to him?"

"Drunk private," I answered him. Automatically and without hesitation. We couldn't afford to waste time with long stories and drawn-out explanations. If Grant had any chance at all of making it, then we had to move quickly, "Just tell us, Doc, is there any chance that you can patch him up? If not then we need to find a brain surgeon." I could feel the stares of the other three men. Men I'd gotten to know very well in the past two years. I'd never spoken this way in front of any of them. There was a blind determination in my voice now that surprised even me. So when Doc Johnson stood up and shook his head, I felt almost nothing. Nothing but that focus that had taken hold of me. And the fear that we were running out of time. The seconds were trickling by so fast.

"No, I can't do anything for him. I know of a few brain surgeons around this area. Saalfelden. I think there's a specialist there. You hurry and you just might be able to save him." Beside me, I could feel Ron's arms tighten in the need for action. To do something to save the extraordinary man by my side. I jumped from the bed as I saw his eyes darken with the same drive that was flowing through me. I closed my eyes, listening to him dragging Grant's body across the bed back onto the stretcher. I could only hope that Chuck would make it. He had to.

* * *

I could still feel Ron's hands on my arms as he pushed me in the direction of our shared room. The room that I hadn't slept in for nearly four days. I could still hear the whisper of his words in my ears. His warm breath blowing sensuously against the skin on my neck.

"_Stay there until I come back. We need to talk."_

We did need to talk. We needed to talk about so many things. And it seemed that it had been ages since we'd last talked. That scene down by the lake had been so long ago. But even more than that, I had to know if Grant was going to make it. I'd been there-right there. I hadn't done anything to stop this and I felt so sick with guilt. My stomach churned. Both from the baby growing inside me and the thought that Ron might come back with the most awful news.

"Becca, it's me. Can I come in?" His voice, so tired and spent, came from the other side of the door. Fear swept through me once again and I was only able to croak out a reply. The words seemed so empty as they spilled from my mouth. But I knew that I couldn't give up hope. Not yet. There was still a chance, wasn't there?

"Yes, come in." The heavy groan of the door on its hinges made me jump slightly on the bed. But then he poked his face around the side of that door. All my worries and doubts seemed to float away. He was smiling. He looked exhausted, but still it must have worked. Taking Grant to the brain specialist in Saalfelden. He closed the door behind him and leaned back against it.

"Kraut doctor says he's gonna make it. That's probably all thanks to you. You got back so quickly," he told me, staring deeply into my eyes for a few seconds before he glanced down at his hands.

"And that's what I wanted to talk to you about," he said, taking a deep breath. He still wasn't looking at me and I felt the fear creep up the length of my spine again. I knew in my heart and in my soul that this couldn't be good. Whatever he had to tell me. Otherwise he would have been looking me in the eyes, "What the hell were you thinking? You could have been killed out there."

I stared up at him. Confused and more alone in the world than I'd ever felt before. Everything seemed to snap within me at the sound of his cold voice running across my skin. Every time he'd hurt me, every time he'd gone running back to Britney. All those awful memories rose up to choke me again and again. And along with it the anger and the hurt. Of what he'd done and how I'd been unable to stand up for myself. So with those thoughts buzzing through my mind, I stood up on shaky legs and crossed the room. I shoved my finger in his chest, unable to stop the torrent of rage welling up within me.

"Perhaps you need a reminder. I've been in combat as long as you have. I know how to take care of myself Ronald! You don't trust me with anything anymore," I said, my voice so bitingly bitter that even I had to bite back a grimace, "Not with why I've been sneaking out every morning or when I go to see Doc Ryan. Not even with my own safety. I'm going to tell you what all that was about. You just have to give me time." I pushed past him, threw open the door, and ran into the darkness.

"Becca-," his voice grew to be nothing more than a bad nightmare in my mind. I ran with utter abandon through the streets of Zel am See. I had to go see Babe. He was the only one who understood, who knew about the hurt that Ron had caused me. Hell he'd tried to save me when Ron hadn't wanted to let me go at the lake.

The enlisted man's hotel loomed up above me. He was on the top floor and I knew that he was probably asleep. But he would understand. He always did. Tears were running down my face. Without fail. My sorrow was bare to the world and still I felt so alone. So cold, lost, and confused. I ran faster and faster. Through the street, through the double doors, and up the stairs. Until at last I was standing, panting and out of breath, just outside his room. My hands were shaking as I lifted them to knock softly on his door. God what if he had some woman in there? What if he was passed out cold from drinking too much beer?

Then I heard him moving around.

"Just a second," he said, his voice slurred from sleep. I smiled, imagining his tousled hair and rumbled clothing. I shook my head just as he turned the knob and opened the door, "Yeah-." Without a moment's hesitation, I walked forward and wrapped my arms around him. His chest was bare and I could feel his warm skin beneath my fingers.

"Becca, Jesus, it's three in the morning," he grumbled, returning my hug without much enthusiasm. The tears were still pouring from my eyes and I seemed unable to stop them.

"I-I-I know. I'm s-sorry. I should have just gone back to the h-h-hospital. I didn't know what to do. I'm so lost, Babe. I don't know what to do a-anymore," I whispered, trying to calm myself down. It didn't work. Nothing was working. This was what I had been waiting for-dreading. All my lies were crashing down on me and Ron hated me for it. For keeping things from him, for not taking care of myself.

"Hey, hey," Babe muttered in my ear, holding me tightly against his chest. He walked me over to the bed and sat down, pulling me into his lap, "What's wrong? What happened to ya now?" I shook my head, hanging onto him as if he were my only life line to the world.

"It doesn't matter. Babe, please, can I tell you in the morning?"

"Yeah, sure, kid. Sure," he whispered in my ear. And for the first time in my life, I felt like maybe everything would be okay with him holding me like that. He'd become my best friend in a very short amount of time. I didn't know what I would do without him when I got back to the States. What I would do without any of them.

**To answer the question that is probably running through some people's minds: no Babe and Becca are not going to get together. This is not a less well-written version of the Ron/OFC/Babe story that Miss AivieEnchanted wrote a while ago. ;) I promise that eventually, the angst for this story will run out. And as there are only three chapters left, then you can see how that would work out lol. **

**As for the story updates, I will not be able to make another one until I get out of school. My Finals week is fast approaching and it should go by pretty fast once it is here. I am really looking forward to summer break for some personal reasons which I will not bore you guys with here. **

**And one more thing! I did want to tell all of you that I have a couple of in-progress Glee stories, if you like that show. It's amazing and I think it's the best show ever. :D The story pairings are Kurt/Rachel and Blaine/Rachel. I know it's a bit unorthodox and if you watch the show, you'll know why, but my muse just kind of latched onto the many possibilities that comes with those pairings. **


	46. Impossible

_All we had is gone now_

_Tell them I was happy_

_And my heart is broken_

_All my scars are open_

_Tell them what I hoped would be_

_Impossible, impossible_

"_Impossible" by Shontelle_

**Ron's POV**

I'd done it again. Driven her away with my possessiveness, my need to know what she was doing all the time. It was because I didn't trust her. But more than that was the anger that every part of her life didn't revolve around me. Because she certainly was the center of my whole world. I knew how stupid, how ridiculous, that must have sounded to anyone but me. It _was _true though. I couldn't say why or how she'd wormed her way so far into my heart, my mind, my soul; but she had.

Now the thought that she was keeping secrets from me, that she just might be seeing another man behind my back, incensed me. And the fact that she could have been killed last night...the thought alone was like sticking a knife through to my very core. She was the single most precious thing in my life. Through all that, through everything, I was still hurting her too. It seemed like every move I made was the wrong one. Everything I said drove her further away from me.

What the hell could I do to make her see that she was the only woman that could ever make me happy? That she meant everything to me and I was willing to risk everything just to have her back in my arms? I shoved my hands in my pockets in frustration, wondering when the answer would hit me. And then it did. My fingers grazed over something hard and cold in my pocket. The furrow between my eyebrows thickened as I pulled the metal out of my pocket and dropped it into my hand. The ring that I'd found what seemed like forever ago. The band and the diamond were still glinting in the dim light of the approaching dawn. Silver and perfect and devastatingly beautiful. That familiar ache filled my chest at the thought of getting down on one knee, taking her hand, and asking her if she would be mine forever. I just hoped that it wasn't too late.

**Becca's POV**

Two strong arms were wrapped around me in a constricting grasp. But it was so nice. I felt protected and for the first time in a while, I'd slept without any dreams. I snuggled deeper into their embrace, unable to stop myself from smiling as they shifted in their sleep and groaned.

"Jesus, Becca. First you wake me up at two in the morning and then you won't stay asleep past eight o'clock. The hell's a matter with you?" Babe grumbled, letting me go so that he could turn over and look at the clock on the night stand. I giggled, stretching my legs out and cracking my stiff joints.

"Well, Babe, it was actually three in the morning that I came by. And according to you, there are a lot of things wrong with me. So this shouldn't surprise you," I told him. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, last night suddenly crept up on me. It plagued my thoughts, my soul, my heart. I'd never felt so lost and alone as I had last night. I could feel something coming. Something awful that would drive me away from Ron forever. I was so insecure, so unsure of exactly what the future held for the two of us. And I just couldn't seem to get over it. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself that everything would turn out fine. No matter how much I told myself that I could finally find happiness with the man that I loved.

Not to mention the baby that was even now growing inside me. I put a hand over my stomach, nausea rising up and boiling through my chest and my throat. It wasn't morning sickness this time but the thought that I was keeping this big a secret from him. I wanted to tell him. I needed to tell him. He had a right to know, but I couldn't bear the thought of what his face would look like when I told him. I couldn't imagine what his reaction would be and that terrified me almost more than him leaving me.

"Well, there must be something wrong with ya if you want old Sparky. He's a scary fucking guy," Babe said from his side of the bed. His laughter filled my ears and I had a moment to prepare before he rounded the bed and came to stand in front of me. He stopped laughing at once when he saw me clutching my stomach for dear life.

"Becca?" he muttered, kneeling down and putting his hands on mine. He looked up into my face and must have seen something there because his blue eyes filled with worry and fear, "What's wrong? You sick? You need to go to the aid station?"

"No, I'm alright. Just a stomach ache. Come on, let's get up and out of this room. I need some fresh air," I told him. I couldn't believe that he would buy that excuse, but it seemed that he did. He stood up, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the door, "Well wait a second, I have to put my boots on." I shook my head, let go of his hand, and walked back over to the bed. I sat down on it just as there came a knock at the door. I didn't know who or what I was expecting, but when Babe opened the door and Luz's face swam into view, I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding.

"Howdy!" Luz said, tipping his helmet to Babe. He looked nonchalantly over his shoulder and saw me sitting on the bed. He pursed his lips and it looked like he was trying not to laugh, "So it's true? Lip told me I'd find you here with him. Becca, have you abandoned Sparky again for some more Philly tail?" Babe and I stared at each other before bursting out into identical peals of laughter. I rolled my eyes, clutching my sides. I couldn't breathe past the laughter and the humor of the situation. The knowledge that Luz thought Babe and I might be having sex was one of the most hilarious things I'd ever heard in my life.

"God, man, you've got it all wrong. Becca and I aren't together. It's Speirs she wants for whatever reason. I think she might be certifiably insane as a matter of fact. Thinking that Speirs is good enough for her definitely qualifies her," Babe choked out past his own chuckles. I rolled my eyes again, but if I was being honest with myself, joking around with them had lightened the load on my shoulders. Mostly because I knew that Babe's assessment was completely backwards. I was not good enough for Ron. Not in the least. And it had been me who'd pushed him away the other day. Me who'd jumped to conclusions and me who'd gotten angry when all he was doing was trying to protect me. Out of his love for me and his worry. I shook my head in shame, knowing that whenever I next got the chance, I had to go and apologize to him.

"Sink's looking for ya, Becca. You need an escort? I'm sure Lover Boy here would love to take you. And I'm available too ya know," Luz said, breaking me out of my stupor with a wink of his eye. I shook my head and smiled at both of them.

"Nope, I'm a big girl. I'm sure that I can make it there by myself," I said, giggling as I grabbed my jacket and threw it on over my olive drab t-shirt, "See you at lunch, boys." And with that, I shoved my hands back into the pockets of my jacket and then took off through the hallways of the hotel. A few of the guys sent me sleepy smiles. Some of them winked at me before jerking their heads back at Babe's door and asking me where I'd spent the night. But as frustratingly 'Big Brother' as they all could sound, and as suggestive as their comments could be sometimes, I loved every one of the men that I passed on the way to Colonel Sink's office. They had become so much more than just my friends and my protectors since that day that it had come out that I was really a woman. They'd become my brothers. The family that I had never, ever had. They had filled in the holes in my heart with love, laughter, and friendship.

Even if I was a woman, I'd shared the heartbreak and devastation that was war with all of them. We knew each other better even than a woman knows a man or a mother knows her son. We were all so much closer than family. The sad thing was that as soon as the war ended and we all went home, we would lose each other. Reunions once a year wouldn't be nearly enough. Not after we'd spent the last two years together in combat. Not when no one else would really, truly understand. I blew out a deep breath, realizing just how lost we would all feel when we got back home. As selfish as it was, my thoughts snapped once again to how I would survive after the war if I lost Ron again. I knew though that if there was any hope of spending the rest of my life with him, I had to find him and apologize as soon as I could. And to finally tell him the truth. I couldn't stand the thought of carrying around this news any longer. My shoulders were slumping with the weight that came along with the burden of the knowledge that I was pregnant and that I still hadn't told the father.

Of course I had to push all of these thoughts to the back of my mind when I found myself standing just outside of Regimental Headquarters. My heart began to pound and I had to wonder what exactly the Colonel wanted from me. I'd not spoken to him since that day almost a year ago to the day. Since he'd offered me a choice between going to Regiment and staying with Easy Company. I'd made the most important decision of my life that day and I had to consider the possibility that just maybe I was about to make another very important choice.

I gulped audibly then squared my shoulders. I could do this. I'd faced Bastogne, I'd seen the horrors inside the work camp at Landsberg. I could face Colonel Sink. I had to. I approached the set of double doors and pushed through them. Not knowing what to expect, I held my breath as I walked up to the front desk. A corporal sat there rifling through a large stack of papers. Papers that had probably just come from Sink's desk. So that he could focus entirely on our meeting I assumed. My mouth went dry and I clenched my hands into fists so that I would resist the urge to ring them together. I cleared my throat, trying to get the man's attention. When I did that, his face shut upwards and he sent me a curious look.

"Hello there," he said, standing up and smoothing down the front of his uniform, "And who might you be?" He held out his hand, his face expectant as he looked down at me. If I hadn't already been in love with Ron, I might have thought he was handsome. He was tall, about six feet. He had broad shoulders and blonde hair that curled around his ears. I snapped back to focus on the hand he still had outstretched. I leaned forward to grasp it and shake it.

"Rebecca Harris. And you are?"

"Aw, so you're the girl everyone's been talking about. Sounds to me like you saved Sergeant Chuck Grant's life. The Colonel can't stop raving about it." I blushed, ducking my face and shaking my head.

"Well, I just did what I had to do, Corporal-," I paused and sent him a shy smile, "I don't believe you said your name."

"Oh," he chuckled, holding a hand to his chest with a boyish grin, "I'm George Fields. I'm Sink's new Admin Clerk." I nodded, averting my eyes over his shoulder to see a familiar head of hair walking towards us. And sure enough, Nix's face suddenly loomed over us. He was smiling down at me and he clapped George on the back before he took my arm.

"Been looking for you. Thanks for keeping her entertained while I talked with the Colonel, Corporal," Nix said, steering me toward the door that he'd just walked out of.

"And what was that all about? You could have just called me over, Lew," I told him, making sure to keep my voice low. If I talked any lower, I'd lose control. The nerves had snapped back to life and were biting at my heart and my mind with a frenzy that I wouldn't have believed possible.

"Well," Nix began, throwing his arm over my shoulder, "It just so happens that George Fields thinks he's God's gift to women everywhere. Didn't want you falling into his clutches. For your and his sake." I glared up at him but kissed him on the cheek when he stopped outside the Colonel's office door.

"Thanks then. I appreciate the help. So what were you in there for?" I asked him, jerking my head at the closed door. Nix shrugged, shuffling on his feet a little before looking back up at me.

"Just talking about the future. He wanted to know if I'd be staying in the Army. I told him Hell no and that the Army didn't seem to like me anyhow," he said with a chuckle.

"I think the Army likes you plenty. You just don't seem to like it very much," I replied, biting back a laugh when he glared at me, "Then what are your plans? Going back to Jersey after the war?"

"Yeah, I'm sure my parents will want me to make something of myself at Nixon Nitration. And I need to get a few things squared away before I really do anything else. But I'm dragging Dick along, or at least I think I will be." I nodded and then patted him on the shoulder. I knew exactly what he was talking about. Everyone in Easy knew that his wife was leaving him. Taking his kid, his money, and his dog. It was sad and the reality was that it must have happened about a million times to the soldiers that were fighting this war for their freedom. Nix was fighting over here so that she had the right to leave him with nothing.

"See you later, Nix. Thanks again for saving me back there," I said, grinning over my shoulder at him as he walked away. He replied with a soft smile and then a wave. I watched him go, not knowing what was awaiting me on the other side of that wide oak door. But with a deep breath, I knew that it wouldn't wait any longer. Raising my hand, I knocked gently on the wooden panels. The vibrations of my knuckles against the door trembled through my hands and my arms. Making my teeth chatter together before I heard his booming voice telling me to come in.

Shouldering my way into the room, I was greeted immediately by the smell of cigarettes and alcohol. It reminded me a lot of my father's office at home and I found myself biting my lip to stop the tears from trailing down my cheeks. It had been so long since I'd really thought about him and I couldn't help but feel saddened by that. I could still remember when I'd done nothing but curl up in my bed and cry because the pain was so unbearable. But then, I'd never truly forgotten about him. He would always hold a special place in my heart.

"Miss Harris?" Sink's voice brought me back to myself. My head shot up and I found him eying me curiously, "Are you alright?" I stared at him, not really knowing how to reply for a moment. Then, I nodded and took a seat in the chair across the desk from him.

"Sorry about that. I just-the way your office smells reminds me of my father's," I admitted, motioning around the room before I wiped my eyes of the liquid. I couldn't believe that I was crying in front of the Colonel Sink when there was obviously much more important things that we should be discussing. And I fully expected Sink to get straight down to business but when I looked at him, his expression had gone soft. I'd never seen him like that and it made my heart jump into my throat. In confusion, in trembling trepidation.

"Do you miss your father? Your family, Miss Harris?"

"I-I," I stuttered. God what could I tell him? That as much as I missed my father, I hadn't really thought about my own time at all. It felt better to be here. It felt like, for once, I actually belonged. Squaring my shoulders, I knew that the only thing I could say was the truth, "Honestly, Colonel, I don't think about my own time that much. I've got all the family I need right here with Easy."

"Damn, that's what I like to hear," he told me, shuffling some papers around on his desk until he found the one he was looking for, "Now, I don't want to waste your time. So I'll get right down to it

"Got a piece of paper today with your name on it. It's a ticket home. If you want it that is. Otherwise, you'll be leaving with the rest of the boys in a few weeks."

"Sir?" I whispered, not knowing what to think about the words coming out of his mouth.

"This is your ticket home. You'd be leaving on July 6th. And you'd be headed straight to London and then a troop ship on its way back to the States." I stared at the piece of paper he had clutched in his hand. And some part of me twitched with the urge to accept it. After everything that I'd seen, I'd finally be getting back home. So that I could establish a life. A home. A family. I knew that it would probably be better. That way I could get away from Ron and he would hurry up and forget all about me. But then I thought about everything that had been left unsaid between us. There was no way I could make up my mind before I talked to him. Before I told him everything. About the baby, about the fact that I was completely crazy about him. That I never had a chance of surviving without him because he was the center of my world. The reason I got up in the morning. The first person I wanted to run to when I found out something exciting. The man that I'd held so close to my heart for so long that to leave him behind in this European paradise would be like ripping out my own soul.

"Could I give you an answer by tomorrow, Sir?"

"Can do. How about you report back here at 0900 tomorrow? That should give you plenty of time," Sink said, throwing a knowing grin at me over the top of the paper. I nodded, grinning myself, before I pushed myself to my feet and saluted him. He returned it before waving me off with a chuckle.

"Thank you, Sir," I said, crossing the room and twisting the handle on the door. Behind me, I heard Sink clear his throat. I turned toward him, not knowing what he would say next. He always had a way of unhinging the barriers of my mind with something that was completely unexpected.

"Make sure whoever he is is worth it," he told me.

_See what I'm talking about? _I thought, giggling internally. I nodded though because I was sure, as sure as I'd ever been about anything, that Ron was worth it. He'd already proven himself worthy time and time again. I could only hope that I could be worthy of him.

* * *

I was settled between Babe and Liebgott. Their shoulders were brushing against my own as we all listened to Lieutenant Peacock give another lecture about excessive drinking while on duty. They'd tightened up, especially in Easy, on the consequences of any soldier being found with alcohol while he was driving or on sentry duty.

I felt my stomach clench when I thought once again about Grant. Laying in some hospital in Saalfelden as they prepared all the paperwork to send him back to the States. I knew that I should be glad, but in a way it was almost like losing the glue of our tightly knit family. In a way, we were. He'd been with the company since Camp Toccoa. He was one of the men who'd kept us all together in Bastogne. He was kind, brave, funny, and not to mention one of the finest soldiers that Easy had to boast of. We would all miss him and it hurt just thinking about what he'd been put through. Just because one damned replacement got himself drunk and decided to go out for a joy ride in the middle of the night.

Focusing again on the front of the queue, I was surprised to find that Peacock had left to be replaced by Private Vest.

"Alright, this'll only take a second. 2nd Battalion didn't get much mail today," he told us, sending us all a small smile before he turned his attention back on the stack of mail that he was carrying in his arms. Beside me, Liebgott took a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it with the zippo in his pocket. He saw me looking at him and elbowed me in the ribs.

"Expectin' any mail today, Smalls?" he asked me after sending me a wink when Webster passed him a letter.

"Nope, I never get any mail. You know that," I said, smacking him upside the head before turning to Babe. My breath hitched in my throat when he handed a letter to me. The writing on the envelope was so familiar, yet I still couldn't keep the disbelief off my face that he would actually think to write to me. After all this time away from each other. After everything that had happened right before he was wounded and sent back to Philly. Why not? It wasn't possible that he would forgive me. I didn't deserve it, I really didn't. I'd come to peace with that.

But when Babe pushed the battered envelope into my hand, I had no other choice than to believe that just maybe he had forgiven me. I stared down at the black ink that was slightly smudged but clear other than that against the whiteness of the paper gripped so tightly in my hands.

_William Guarnere _

_1567 NE 14__th__ Street _

Something about his address sent a spike of fear up my spine, but I couldn't pin point why. I screwed my eyes shut, trying to figure out why that street number seemed so familiar and so foreboding. Before I could though, Lieb's fingers closed around my forearm.

"Becca, you okay? You still feel up to the baseball game?" Joe asked me, his eyes shining with concern as well as excitement for the baseball game that was supposed to be starting in thirty minutes down at the baseball diamond that Dick had had built for us. I nodded, my brain still trying to process what was so familiar about 14th street. Then I realized that maybe I was just overreacting. Maybe I didn't know anything about that and even if I did, I'd figure it out later. I couldn't risk losing this along the way down there and I knew that the only place where it would really be safe was Ron's room.

"Of course I am. I just need to go put this in my room and then I'll be right down okay?"

"Alright, Smalls. Better hurry up though. You know Luz, he don't like to wait on people for some reason." The guys turned as one to head down to the baseball field and I started off in the opposite direction. My heart and stomach clenched in anticipation at the thought that he might be in the room. It seemed like so long ago since we'd fought when in reality it was only yesterday. I shook my head, knowing that thinking back on the way he'd hurt me wouldn't do me any good. I had to remind myself that it was me who'd started the fight. It was me who'd walked out on him and for that I owed him an apology. Focusing back on the road ahead, I noticed that I was already standing in front of our room. I smiled, reached out for the door knob, and opened the portal to the room that I hadn't truly been in for so long. It smelled like him. Everywhere. And I couldn't stop myself from standing in the middle of the room and taking a few deep breaths. God how I'd missed that. He smelled like pine trees and wilderness. Untameable forests and breathtaking natural wonders. I opened my eyes again and put the letter down on the bed. I'd see him soon enough. There was no reason for the ache in my chest as I turned away from our room though. I felt lonely and despairing again. I couldn't help but feel like maybe the worst was yet to come. But that was a ridiculous thought. Wasn't it?

**Ron's POV**

_Happy Independence day my ass. This is the worst 4__th__ of July I've ever experienced. _

Meetings all morning and then I had to listen to that joke of a lecture by one of the Majors from Division about constricting the amount of alcohol that every company was to consume today and tonight. Not to mention the fact that any soldier caught drunk or drinking on guard was to be punished with a court martial. And looking around that room, I'd seen the smirks on some of the other officer's faces. They were tired of having to look after their men all the time. They were sick of being babysitters. And they would allow what had happened to Grant to occur over and over and over again. For as many times as it would until it was one of them lying dead in the middle of the road somewhere. Until it was one of their men who was shot and almost killed.

I shook my head in disbelief as I shouldered my way into my room. I was not going to let Easy Company drink itself into a stupor. The memory of Grant's cold hands entrapped in my own still sent chills of fear racing up and down my spine. That had been one of the worst moments I'd experienced during the war. Grant was a good soldier and a good man. He hadn't deserved being shot in the head by that dumb bastard from I Company.

And then it hit me. So suddenly and so violently that I nearly fell backwards into the closing door. That smell. _Her _smell. The crisp scent of autumn and the army-regulation shampoo she'd been using since she'd gotten here. I breathed it in, wanting-no needing-more of it. Of her. I missed her and the fact that she'd been here and I wasn't made a growl rip upwards through my throat. Shaking my head and running a hand through my hair, I slumped down onto the edge of the bed. Only to jump up again when the crinkle of an envelope beneath me caught my attention. I stared down at it, knowing in my heart that I probably didn't want to see whom it was sent from. But when my eyes fell on the neat sprawl of his name on the corner of the envelope, a wave of rage and hurt shattered all sense of coherency. After everything, she was still writing to him. Was this why she'd been so distant lately? Was I still fighting a battle to win her heart even though he was a thousand miles away?

My head fell into my open palms and I couldn't stop the groan of frustration from bubbling up my throat. What did I have to do to prove myself to her? To prove my love for her?

I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I hadn't heard the door open. But I did hear her voice when she whispered my name. I jerked my head up, surprise and anxiety flitting excitedly through my stomach. My skin was prickling with anticipation. I didn't say anything. Just stared at her. Memorized the contours of her face as I watched her. Her blue eyes were gleaming with the smile that lifted the corners of her soft lips. Her cheeks were filling up with blood, turning them the most beautiful pink color. She was looking at me as she always had. With love and admiration and happiness. Because we were finally together again.

_This is it. _I thought. Suddenly, desperately. I had to show her that I was committed. To her and to our life together after the war ended. I needed her to see just how much I loved her. I fingered the silver ring in my pocket and smiled. I'd never felt as nervous as I did in that moment. I was on the verge of panicking as I thought of everything that could go wrong as I looked over at her and prepared to ask her the most important question I'd ever asked anyone. But Becca rarely did what I expected her to. So just maybe this would be the same. Just maybe she'd be able to let go of all her constraints and seeming hesitation to say yes to my proposal.

I could still feel the envelope in my hands. Burning the pads of my fingers and filling the darker side of me with a rage insurmountable to anything I'd felt before. But I focused on the lines of her face to push those thoughts to the foreground. In a few minutes, William Guarnere wouldn't matter anymore. He'd be no competition. That's what I had to tell myself, that's what I had to focus on.

"Becca," I began, holding both the letter and the ring tighter in my grasp, "What are your plans for after the war?" I glued my eyes to hers, trying to decipher the emotions that were floating like fireflies across the blue expanse of her bright eyes. For a moment that seemed to stretch into forever, I saw the smile in those eyes. Saw the happiness flood her face. But then it was gone. Replaced by hesitation and tremulous anxiety. She suddenly averted her eyes to the ground as I tried to get a closer look at them. She worried her bottom lip with her teeth and wrung her hands together. I couldn't imagine why she would have such a strong contrast of emotions in such a short amount of time. Unless there was something that she wasn't telling me. And whatever she was thinking about now could never bode well for our relationship. The anger flared within me and before I knew it, the same words were being repeated in my head like a mantra.

_It's Guarnere or someone else. She's cheating on you and she knows this is the moment where you'll find out. Because she can't keep screwing them and stay with you. _

Every bit of anger and hurt that had built up within me for the past three months exploded in my mind and in my heart. I was beyond reason, beyond help. And I thoughtlessly directed my anger at Becca. The woman who'd dicked me around for long enough. The woman who was probably screwing someone else while I made a complete and utter fool of myself by worrying about what she would think of the ring I'd gotten her. By worrying what our life after the war would be like.

I held up the letter, knowing that this was as good a start as any, "You won't answer me and I have to wonder if it has anything to do with this." She glanced up at me now. Her eyes were still shining with her anxiety, but also with something else. But I just didn't care. I didn't care how she felt or what she was thinking about. All I did care about was the uncontrollable rage tingling on my skin. It made the air around us crackle with angry, dark energy. It made Becca flinch and back away from me into the wall.

"It doesn't. Ron you have to believe me-," she started, worrying her lip again with her teeth.

"Alright, then maybe it has to do with someone else then. Some other guy you've been fucking around with. Don't think I haven't noticed that every damn morning you're up and out of the room before me. What have you been doing, Becca?" I asked her. I hardly felt anything when I heard her cry of protest.

"Ron, it's not like that. I haven't-." Her arguing with me incensed me even more. I threw the letter at her, my mind drowning in the fury. It drove me forward so that I could grip her arms and smash her back into the wall. It made me feel more in control, made the anger wrap itself even closer around my brain and my soul. As long as the anger was there, I couldn't feel pain. And I would hold onto that feeling for as long as I could.

"I don't want to hear any more of your bullshit excuses. None of it is the truth, Becca. Why don't you go and stay with your little fuck buddies from now on because I don't want you anymore. Leave right now and don't ever come back," I told her, unable to keep the hatred out of my voice. Because that was the reality. I hated her. More than I had ever hated Britney, more than I had ever hated myself for hurting her. And that was saying something. I pushed away from her, unable to find the will to care that she was crying and whimpering behind me. I turned around so that I could walk toward the desk in the corner of the room. I heard her fingers close around the letter and then she slipped as quietly as a ghost from my room.

I should have expected the anger to slip as suddenly from my grasp as it had come, but I hadn't. My entire body slumped in a broken, desperate pile of a man to the floor. Anything and everything that I could have been thinking of in that moment had slipped my mind. Everything but the same words running echoing like a record player on repeat through my head.

_What have you done?_

**Becca's POV**

I couldn't feel anything as I ran as fast as I could toward Babe's room. Not the wind whipping ruthlessly, viciously, through my hair. Nor the tears that were brought to my eyes as I realized that this was it. My entire life was over. In one split second I'd managed to screw it up so badly that he'd finally left me. What could I do now? What should I do now?

_You know what you have to do. _A small voice said. I blinked. Once. Twice. My legs slowed and the tears stopped running in burning rivulets down my cheeks. And suddenly everything became clear like a bit of rain cloud passed over the sun. One moment my world was dark and full of swirling mysteries and threats. Then, it was filled with a small sliver of hope. A small chance through which I might save my sanity and my life. In the middle of that street in Zel am See, I learned what it was to be an adult and shed the last remnants of my childhood forever. That day, I did what I had to do. Not what I wanted to do. I wiped the tears from my eyes and turned around so that my feet were taking me toward the aid station instead of Babe's room. I couldn't burden him with my problem. I couldn't do that to anybody. So for the next two days, I would exist like nothing had happened. I would act like everything was alright when I knew it wasn't. When I knew it never would be again.

**July 5, 1945**

"Sir, I'd like to take you up on your offer. And I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity to leave early," I told Sink early the next day. This was what I had to do. I had to get on that troop ship home and never think about Ron again. I looked across the table at Sink only to see him watching me with a sad expression on his face. He could guess at why I was taking up his offer now when just yesterday I'd been hesitant. It didn't matter though. I couldn't change Ron's mind. He'd looked at me with such fierce hatred yesterday that I wouldn't dare try to cross his path again. Finding the letter from Bill must have been the last straw and he was right. I had lied to him time and time again. I felt so sick with myself, so ashamed of having pushed away the best thing that had ever happened to me. Hanging my head, I wrung my hands together as I awaited his reply. He shifted in his chair and then laid his hands on the desk. They were clasped around a sheet of paper. I felt my heart pounding a steady rhythm in my chest. I couldn't feel elated at leaving. Simply because to do so would mean that I lost everything. Not just Ron but my entire family. Easy Company was my whole world and had been for a full year and a half. The letter in the inside pocket of my jacket burned a whole straight to my heart. The words that I had poured onto that one page of paper seemed so inadequate. So unrepresentative of how I truly felt about them, but my heart ached at the thought of writing more. I couldn't afford to be emotional. Not now. Now when I was so close to finally escaping.

"I would ask what changed your mind, but I can guess that sure enough. This here is your ticket home. It's all signed and ready to go for ya. And here's your back pay. That along with all the money you've saved up over the past year and a half should cover you for a while until you can find a job," he said as he slid the sheet of paper across the table to me, as well as the stack of money, "Now, the transport jeep that's taking you to the coast is set to leave at 0700. Think you can manage that?"

"Yes, sir," I said, nodding enthusiastically. The earlier the better. That would allow me to avoid most of Easy Company before they got up in the morning.

"And they're requesting that you pack lightly. Anything that you don't need in your pack, just leave here."

"Oh, not a problem, sir," I told him, realizing for the first time that my bag was still in Ron's room. I closed my eyes for a moment and felt the sorrow rising up to choke me. But I wouldn't let it. I pressed hard down on it, feeling my throat close up with the force of keeping it down in the dark bowels of my chest.

"Alright then, Miss Harris. That'll be all. I hope you have a safe journey. You've been a great addition to Easy Company and I'm glad that you managed to find your way back to us," he said, holding out his hand for me to shake as he stood up. I looked up at him, almost scared of what I would find in the eyes of the man before me. But all I saw was a kind of grateful affection in his smile. So I stood up too and took his hand in my own. We shook hands and for once in my life, I felt truly proud of myself. After everything that I'd been through, I'd done it. I'd made it through World War II. It had been messy and difficult, but I had done it against all the odds.

"Thank you, sir," I said, letting go of his hand so that I could reach into my jacket and pull out the letter, "And sir, I was wondering if you could give this to Major Winters. It's a letter to him and the rest of Easy. I'd like him to read it to them if he could." The Colonel nodded as he took the letter and set it on his desk.

"I'm assuming you want me to have it sent to him tomorrow after you've gone?" He posed it as a question, but I knew that he could see straight through me. Saying goodbye was never easy. And how could I say goodbye to the men who had helped me in more ways than they could ever imagine? Suddenly, the tears were brought to my eyes again and this time, I could feel every one of them burning a long trail down my face. I didn't look up to see how Sink would react, but then I felt the softest pressure on my shoulder.

"It's alright, Harris. This isn't forever. You can write and I'm sure you can call every damn one of them at 3 in the morning and they wouldn't mind," Sink said, making me chuckle humorlessly. I nodded, wiping at the tears automatically. I couldn't let myself cry over Ron, but this I could. It just hurt too much. And the realization that I really was losing everything was setting in again. All I had now was a single letter. A letter, my ticket home, and three hundred dollars. And now all I had to look forward to was leaving tomorrow. In that moment, I realized just how dark and uncertain my horizon was. I stood up and Colonel Sink's hand slipped from my shoulder.

"I'm sorry about that, Colonel," I muttered, mustering a messy salute. He returned it with a grim nod and then I turned around to head toward the door. I didn't look back and I didn't say anything else to him. I thought he knew how appreciated he was. For letting me stay with Easy and for giving me this early leave. I just couldn't tell him right now. If I did speak, I would break down again and that was the last thing I needed.

**Okay so I owe all of you a huge apology. I wanted to get this chapter out a lot faster than I did, but I totally lost the USB drive that I put this story on and I have been looking for it off and on for the past two weeks. Finally, I had captainty send me the rest of the chapters for this story. Thank God for her, otherwise this story would be deleted permanently from the site because I wouldn't be able to finish it. Actually, I might have gone into desperation mode and written out the rest of the story again from memory. I seriously doubt that it would be as good though. **

**Anyways...thanks so much to everyone who read and reviewed and alerted and favorited the last chapter and just this story in general since I last posted a chapter. :D I really appreciate it and I wish I could send all of you guys a plate of cookies or something to show you just how much! **

**A note about the next two chapters: they go by really fast. They are both pretty long, but I sort of rushed through them. Hopefully, I can go through them and add in a bit of detail that way it won't seem quite so rushed. I hope you guys like this chapter and the next two. We're almost there after all this time! **

**Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant towards the real men of Easy Company, on which this story is based. I only own my OCs and the original plot for this story. **


	47. Candles

_Lost I couldn't see_

_When it was you and me_

_Blow the candles out_

_Looks like a solo tonight_

_I'm beginning to see the light_

_"Candles" by Hey Monday_

**Ron's POV**

**July 6, 1945**

My head was pounding and whoever was knocking at the door was only making it worse. I turned over in bed, fully expecting to feel the warm brush of silk against my calloused palms. But all I touched was the cold sheets where her body should be. I shot up in bed, anger rising within me at the thought of her leaving me again. And after all that I'd said to her yesterday...

Then everything came flooding back to me. She'd left yesterday after I'd told her that I hated her. But then that was the farthest thing from the truth I'd ever told her. I couldn't hate her, not ever.

"Sir, it's important," Lipton's familiar voice called through the thick slab of the door between us. Groaning, I pulled myself out of bed and made my way toward the door. I opened it and saw immediately the worry and the sadness on his face. Something about it sent a spike of fear through my heart. This couldn't be about Becca could it?

"What is it?" I asked him. I surprised myself when I managed to keep my voice steady. In the midst of the chaos that had become my life, it was a miracle that I wouldn't take for granted.

"Major Winters said that there's something important he needs to announce to Easy down at the baseball field. I was gonna go and get the men up, sir, but I just wanted to let you know that he expected you to be there too."

"Oh yeah, of course. Thanks, Lip,"I said and then turned to go back into my room. I could feel his eyes boring holes into the back of my head, but I didn't dare look at him again. My stomach was clenching painfully. I knew it was about Becca. It just had to be. But then why would Dick call everyone from Easy to assemble? Shaking my head, I knew the only way to find out was to get dressed and go down there. So that's what I would do.

"Easy, listen up!" Winters called over the crowd of men that had gathered in a school circle on the baseball field. The blue sky over head and the birds singing in the trees told nothing of what was to come. And they did nothing to calm my heart or my mind. I shoved my hands in my pockets and my fingers immediately collided with the ring that I still had in there. I felt the smoothness of the band and the shape of the diamond. The infinity knot glided like two entwining snakes between the grooves of my skin. I looked around and out of all the faces there, the most important one to me was missing. I felt so alone and so lost in that moment that I had to wonder when I'd let her become such a big part of my life that I was willing to let down all my barriers for her. I'd never let anything get to me as much as this had.

"Everybody listening? Alright," Dick began, shoving his hands in his pockets as he fixed us all with his unwavering gaze. One of his hands closed around something. He pulled it out and held it tightly in his hands, "Just had a meeting with Colonel Sink and he's shared some bad news with me.

"It seems that Becca left this morning. She's heading home," he told us. All around me, I heard the whispers of protest. And right across from me, Babe turned his burning blue eyes on me. I could see the accusations on his face. He knew and I didn't doubt that they all knew what had happened.

"Colonel Sink just told me that she'd be in England on a troop ship home in about two weeks. And then he handed me this," he said, holding up the letter and opening it, "If you'll bear with me, I'll read it to you."

"She would have wanted it that way, sir," Luz called out from his place a few men down from me. Dick nodded, sending Luz a small smile. Grasping the letter tightly in his hands, he squared his shoulders and started to read the words that Becca had written down in a last attempt at conveying just how much Easy meant to her.

_Easy Company, _

_I know you must all be wondering why I'm writing this. Well it's mostly because I couldn't stand the thought of leaving without saying all of this to every one of you. I'm sorry about the suddenness of all this and I wish that I could be there right now telling you this myself, but I had to leave at seven in the morning and I didn't know how much all of you had been drinking._

_In the past year and a half, you've all become my reason for existing, my reason for waking up every few hours to make sure that everyone is okay. I don't want to believe that this is the end. I have nothing back home in the States. I have nothing to ground me, nothing to keep me going. I have no family and no friends but you. And I can't tell you where I'll be going next. Mostly because I have no ideas myself. I have so many things to be sad over, so many things to regret, but the one thing I could never and will never regret is finding my way in the greatest company of men the World has ever seen. _

_I want all of you to know that I hope you can all find your way after the war. Whether its finding a job or marrying the woman you've been in love with since you were ten years old. I just expect an invitation! _

_Anyway, before I get any more emotional than I already am, I wanted to let you all know that no matter where I am or what I'm doing, I'll be thinking of you. Here's hoping to see you all very soon at the first Easy Company reunion. _

_Always and forever,_

_Becca _

I could almost hear her voice in my head. Speaking those words while she stared at all of us with those mesmerizing cerulean eyes of hers. And the guilt that flooded my heart and mind were nothing compared to the guilt that I could hear in her letter.

Everyone laughed at her feeble attempts at humor, but I could see the sadness on every man's face. They'd been with her, had been there for her, when I couldn't be. And for that, I owed these men so much. I couldn't have told them how much it meant to me that they'd kept her from being killed. But I could feel it. Tingling beneath the barrier of my skin and filling me with gratitude. Then it seemed to hit me with the force of a freight car. She was really gone. That slip of paper was more than just words. It was solid evidence that she was gone from my life. A complete and utter sense of loss filled me. Breaking down the shields that I'd been constructing since yesterday. And with the loss came the anger again. The numbing anger that no matter how hard I tried to push past it still froze everything else in my mind.

I glanced upwards as that anger swirled through me, destroying everything in its path. My eyes locked with Babe's and I had the sudden urge to move forward and ask him if he knew where she was. Because if anyone knew, it would be him. He stared at me. Through me. Seeing me for the monster that I'd been toward her. Defiant and unyielding. The fury that filled his eyes and face were nothing compared to what I was harboring in the deepest depths of my soul, but I knew that it was pretty damn close. I'd taken his best friend from him and for that there was no simple apology.

I turned away, not wanting to see the accusations in his eyes anymore. I could feel the eyes boring into my body from all sides. I felt suddenly like just maybe I should just go back to my room. But Babe was obviously not having that. I rounded the corner, finally out of sight of Easy Company. A second later, I was knocked roughly into the wall behind me by a blow to my jaw. I rubbed the throbbing spot on my face before turning and watching the violent heave of Babe's chest.

"Do you know what I could do to you for punching me like that? I'm an officer," I told him, hoping that would dampen the fire blazing in his eyes. Because as much as I hated myself for it, I deserved to have the shit beat out of me. I just didn't know if I had the strength or the will to fight back. Though, the anger came back to me full force at the thought of the bean pole in front of me knocking me around like that.

"I don't give too shits about what you could do to me, _sir_," he said 'sir' like it was a curse, "What I do care about is what you did to Becca to make her take off like this."

"What goes on between the two of us is none of your business, Private."

"It sure as hell is my business. So what did you do to her this time? Did you even ever find out what she went to Doc Ryan for? Do you even care that she could be sick and that she could die any day now?" Anger welled up within me. Some of it was a result of the way he was talking to me. My pride would not stand for being talked down to by some no-account private. But most of it was self-directed. I hated myself more than I could have ever thought possible. For what I had done to her and for what I had not done. As always, I'd let my temper get the better of me. And this was no different. Striding forward, I grabbed Babe by the collar and shoved him against the side of the building.

"Well what would you have done? She was screwing someone behind my back. I know it. Don't tell me how to run my life, Heffron. And leave me the hell alone about her. I won't throw my life away for some cheating whore."

_Lies, all of it. _

But I didn't hesitate as I slammed him once more into the wall before letting him go. His eyes were wide with shock, the anger pushed almost to two tiny dots in the space of those blue orbs. I shook my head with a grimace on my face before pushing off the wall and turning away from him. I couldn't stand the thought of him seeing me break. And I was so close to doing just that.

Everything seemed to be coming down around me. For so long, my entire purpose had revolved around Becca. Whether it was making her see how much I really did love her or figuring out how to propose to her. And now she was gone. I would never have to worry about those things again. I didn't know that this day would hurt so damned much, but the thought of never holding her in my arms again was like driving a stake through my heart. The worst part about all of it was that I could have stopped this. I could have kept my temper in check and asked her what was going on. Because I'd seen the mixture of emotions on her face. I'd see the battle warring within her before she'd caught sight of my face. And what if Babe was right? What if she really had been sick? What if she was dying right now as I thought about her?

I shook my head. I couldn't think like that anymore. It was too late now anyway. I had no idea where she was and I didn't know where she would go when she got back to the States. There was nothing that I could do.

**Becca's POV**

**October 17, 1945**

The alarm clock went off beside my head and I groaned as I pulled myself into a sitting position. It shouldn't have been so hard since my stomach wasn't sticking out that much even now when I was 6 months pregnant. I'd gotten so many compliments about how lucky I was and how lucky the father was. I'd bought a ring the first night back in the States just to have something to show people if they ever got curious. Gossip was the last thing I needed and at both my jobs, it spread like wild fire.

I was so sore and I knew that if I kept at this, I would wear myself out to the point that getting out of bed would be pure torture. Not that it wasn't already I thought as I stood up and cracked my back. The baby within me kicked in protest at being woken up so early. Just as she always did without fail every single morning. I smiled, not wanting to admit that as much as I hated having to work two jobs and being all alone in New York City, I wouldn't have traded it for the world. I'd grown to love the baby inside me. Because she was the only one that I had. I hadn't tried to get a hold of anyone. I'd tried my hardest to forget about the war, about Easy Company, about _him_. All those memories brought were pain and misery. I'd lost almost everything the day that I left Zel am See and even know, it hurt too much to think about it.

I took the yellow dress out of the cramped closet and took it to the bathroom with me. I hung it up behind the door before I went to the mirror and looked at myself. I tried to avoid doing this too often because if I was being honest with myself, I wasn't taking care of myself. Not as well as I should have been. It was because I didn't care anymore. I had no one to impress, so I didn't think that I should strain myself. Besides, working as both a nurse and a waitress didn't exactly call to be all dolled out every day. My black curls hovered at the middle of my arms. Lank and dull as they had ever been. I yanked my brush through it before throwing it up into a casual pony tail. I couldn't stand it down anymore, not when it looked as awful as it did. And the light in my eyes had long ago disappeared. I never looked into my eyes again. All the desperation and despair would break me completely. And I needed whatever strength I could find to make it through each and every day. I had no one to tell me that I looked like shit and I should take better care of myself. I had no one else in the world and that was what really hurt me. No one cared if I lived or died. No one cared if I was eating enough or sleeping enough.

I gulped down the torrent of tears that threatened to run down my cheeks. I turned and threw the yellow dress on over my bare body. The familiar crinkle of a beaten and battered letter filled my ears. I'd carried the letter that Bill had sent me to work and back every day since I'd gotten back. I couldn't bear the thought of parting with it. Of leaving the last reminder that I really had survived World War II and that once, I'd had something wonderful and magical. I could almost hear his voice in my head telling me that I was being ridiculous and by carrying that letter around, I was only making moving on harder for myself. I was only drawing out the inevitable. One day I would have to move on. And that day was fast approaching. Sarah Lynn would be born in four months and as her birth got closer and closer, the memories were pushed further and further from my mind. I could only hope that having her in my life would drive away all the memories, but something told me that she would most likely be the spitting image of her father. It would be my luck and then the pain would change, but it would still be there all the same.

I shrugged into the thin semblance of a jacket that I had hanging in the closet before I headed outside. If I walked fast enough, I'd be able to catch the subway. I wasn't going to hold my breath. I'd missed it this whole week and I'd had to walk the ten blocks to get to the restaurant.

I tugged the jacket closer to my body, feeling Sarah kick against my hands. It was so soft, so gentle, that I could have imagined it. Yet I knew that I hadn't. I grinned helplessly every time I felt her push against my palms. And as stupid as it sounded, I imagined that she was happy to be telling me that she was awake and ready for the day. I looked up, my foot landing at last on the last step of the staircase down to the subway. The car was there, waiting for me. With a smile, I waddled toward the ticket booth. At the last minute, I looked up and saw something that made me stop completely. Helplessly.

A couple was holding hands. The woman was looking up at her husband with so much love and adoration on her face. Her left hand was covering his, which was placed gently on her bulging stomach. I could see the surprise and the happiness when he felt the baby kick against his palm. I knew that it must have felt as fleeting and soft as the brush of a butterfly's wing, but it was the most amazing sensation in the world. When I was able to focus again on where I was going, the subway car had left and I was stuck once again walking to work. The weight of the world seemed to settle on my shoulders. My entire body ached from the nonstop action I'd put myself through since early August. It wasn't just physical pain either. My soul and heart burned with despair and desperation. For salvation. For forgiveness. For change.

I don't know what pulled me to look to my right as I ascended the stairs one more time. But the bright colors of the poster pulled me in instantly. Yellow stars and happy faces. Pictures of jazz clubs and couples swing dancing caught my eyes. My eyes took in the pictures with the voraciousness of a man dying of thirst. It was the letters at the top of the page that really shook me to my core. Every nerve in my being danced, alight and throbbing with the sudden need to capture that part of my life again. My fingers traced the words in bold print and I knew that Philadelphia was waiting for me. I just had to reach out and grab my opportunity.

**December 9, 1945**

I'd sold everything to get here. My furniture, even the last of my clothing. Everything. To get to the snow-covered streets of Philly as I searched for their house.

I was wandering through the thickening snow, my ankles swimming in the wet and the cold. I hugged the thin jacket closer to my frame, trying to conserve what little body heat was left to me. I had to keep going. I had to fight for my life. Not only for myself but also for the baby in my womb.

I could feel Sarah kicking her legs gently against my stomach. I had not a person left in the world but that baby. His baby. Tears ran unnoticed down my cheeks. At last I was breaking apart. A reminder that it was there and a reminder that no matter how far I had fallen in the span of only a few months, I still had our baby to look after. It was the last thing I had of him. Tears stung the backs of my eyes for what felt like the millionth time that night. Would I ever get over the pain? Would I ever get over the hurt that I'd caused myself? As the tears slid down my face one after another, I couldn't help but think that no, the gaping hole in my chest would never go away. There was no way to ever repair the damage that had been done. Not now-not ever.

After so many months of doing nothing but trying to keep my thoughts away from him, the memories of all that we had shared flooded back to me. My knees shook with the force and I was so tempted to fall to the ground and give up. But then I saw the light at the end of the street. When I looked up, I found the numbers and letters emblazoned like a piercing flame before my eyes.

**14****th**** Street.**

The street address from the letter. Where Bill and his wife were living. Despite the sorrow and utter hopelessness I felt, I couldn't help the smile that curled my lips. I was so close. To being with him again. To having someone who understood me, who would always be there for me. I could only hope that his wife was as kind and welcoming of me. The woman who'd broken his heart so many times during the war. I shook my head, turning my face skywards to catch the last lingering flickers of darkness on the horizon before the sun began to rise. With the first shards of sunshine, I glanced at my wrist watch to see that it was already 7 in the morning. How had the night escaped me so quickly? It felt like just last night I'd been clutching Bill's letter in my shaking fingers, reading it over for what felt like the millionth time. The edges of the single page were so frayed and worn. It was a wonder that I could have read the thing so many times in only five months. But I had and I could still hear the words repeating themselves over and over again inside my head.

_Becca, _

_I know that looking back it now, we've both done things that we regret. I said so many things to you our last day together that I didn't mean. I was just so angry and so hurt because I loved you more than I could ever let on. Sometimes it seemed impossible that I would ever have a chance with you when you were so wrapped up in Ronald Speirs. _

_But now I completely understand what you were trying to deal with. What you were trying to fight against. Frannie has become that woman for me. She's the most feisty, caring, loving woman I've ever met in my life and I think that you two would really get along. She reminds me of you in a lot of ways. Of course, in so many ways you will always occupy a special place in my heart. _

_I can only hope that you can forgive me. For all that I did and said to you in our last few moments together. Keep your head down and remember that if you ever need anything when you get back home, you just come and see me. _

So that's what I was doing. On the slimmest chance that he really would be there for me with open arms. I couldn't help the way my stomach dropped and my heart skipped at the thought of seeing him again. I'd only begun to realize just how much I truly missed him. He was my best friend-always would be-and I couldn't help but think that just maybe I was getting a semblance of my old life back. The one in which I was not lonely every minute of every day. The life where I was surrounded by my family and friends. The people that had been absent for my entire life. It was then that I knew I'd been sent back here not only because they'd needed me. But I'd also needed them. More than I could have ever known before.

I focused my eyes again on the task at hand. I was shaking all the way through my bones. My teeth bounced against each other as I tried to shake the cold that gripped me so harshly in its claws. I was just beginning to wonder how much more I would have to endure when I turned my eyes toward the white house in front of me. From the dim light in the street, I couldn't make out the number on the house but there was something that held my interest. Made my pulse race and my lungs to constrict around the breath that I was holding in. I thrust my hands into my pockets and made my way as quietly as I could toward the front of the house. I cursed the sun for not being higher in the sky already. But luckily, I made it all the way up the drive before I saw the numbers that nearly made my legs give out from beneath me.

_**1567 **_

Painted in black letters just above the tiny window looking out over the front yard. I had to admit, Frannie had done a lot with what she had. There was a small bed of flowers lining the front row of the house. There were daisies and a rose bush and many flowers that I'd never known the names of but recognized instantly. It looked perfect, just the kind of house that I'd always wanted to live in. Small and full of life and love. Everything that a home should look like-not the monstrosity my mother had insisted my father buy for her when they got married. Looking back, even though some of the best moments with my father had happened in that house, I still hated it. I hated the coldness, the lack of warmth and familiarity. It didn't feel like home at all. Just the place where I slept every night.

But looking up at the darkened windows of Bill's house, this felt like Home. It felt like I belonged here. It was strange because I'd never even seen Frannie before. I didn't know what kind of woman she was. What she liked and what she didn't, but I was glad then that Bill's fate had taken him away from me again. Because I knew instinctively that this was who he was supposed to be with. For that, I couldn't have been happier for him. I sighed heavily, knowing that the time had come. Every day for the past five months had led me to this moment. To this doorstep and I knew that I had to face my fears at last. That he wouldn't forgive me, that the only person I had left would turn me away too. If I failed at this, then there was no more hope for me. I couldn't do this anymore, not alone. And the baby inside me deserved more than this. Deserved more than the empty stomach I would have until she was born, deserved more than the jacket that was the only thing protecting us from the cold outside.

I lifted my head to look up at the rising sun, hoping against hope that I would be welcome here. That I would find my Home in that tiny building that even in the rapidly fading darkness radiated with love and acceptance.

"Alright, this is it," I muttered, placing my hands comfortingly over my protruding stomach as I climbed the short staircase leading up to their front door. My heart was pounding within my chest and my hands had begun to shake horribly, uncontrollably. The baby kicked against my hand, its own movements as frantic and harried as I felt in that moment. I felt like I was standing on the edge of a dark, bottomless, precipice and there was no one there to pull me back. To make me see reason. Nothing but the feather-light beats drumming against the palms of my hands. I sighed for the last time before I lifted my hand and pounded on the door. I hadn't meant to be so loud, but I was beyond perception of noise and sight. I was frozen, as still as a statue, as I stood on their door step. And waited. Waited for the end that I had anticipated for so long. I waited for the reeling realization that the only person I had left was the baby in my stomach and I couldn't even turn to her. She wasn't born yet, she couldn't talk to me. I felt like I didn't even deserve her anymore. I'd been so wrapped in my own self-misery for the longest time that I'd even neglected to take care of her as I should. Never had I been more aware of my sharply protruding bones under the skin that was too sallow, too malnourished to even give the illusion that I was alright.

And then-just like that-the door flew open to reveal a woman about as tall as myself with curling brown hair that swept in a shining curtain down to her collarbone. Her pink lips were set in a tight line and her brown eyes were shining with anger and exasperation.

"Jesus, you people don't spare us a moment's peace do ya?" she demanded, her hand flying to her hip. But then her eyes roved down my body, taking in the dank hair that clung to my scalp and the way my entire body shook from the cold. For a second, she looked as if she would faint, but then she stepped down over the threshold and took me in her arms.

"You must be Becca. God Bill's told me all about you," she said, leaning back to smile at me. The anger was gone from her eyes, replaced by something so caring and so understanding that I had to bite my lip to keep the tears from leaking down my cheeks. I was so sick of crying, sick of being so weak. I opened my mouth to protest as she took my hand and led me into the house, kicking the door shut behind her. She pushed me gently down into one of the kitchen chairs.

"How long were you standing out there? It must have been a while because you're absolutely freezing," she said. Frannie bustled around the kitchen and it was painfully obvious that this was her domain. She knew where everything was and her lips kept moving, forming words that warmed my heart much more than the coffee she was brewing ever would.

"Are you alright?" she asked me suddenly as she sunk down in the seat across from me, "You've been so quiet and Bill always told me that if you got real quiet, it meant there was something wrong." I imagined Bill explaining my habits to his wife and let out a small chuckle. I wrung my hands together, nodding slightly with a small smile on my face.

"Well, for once, Bill Guarnere got it wrong. I'm just...I imagined what this would be like-meeting you after all the things I'd done to Bill and I never thought it would be like this."

"What do you mean? You didn't think I'd want to rip your heart out for trying your luck with him did ya?" I shook my head, laughing outright for what felt like the first time in years.

"I didn't really know what to expect to be honest. I didn't know what you would be like. I didn't know if I would find that maybe coming here wasn't such a good idea. But you've more than exceeded my expectations. Of course, any woman that Bill picked to marry would have to be pretty wonderful. I'm glad that things worked out the way that they did. I'm not proud of the things I did to him, but I am happy that he ended up with you instead of me." Frannie shook her head, raising her eyebrow in mock seriousness.

"Was there really ever any competition, Becca?" she asked me, biting her lip afterward so she wouldn't laugh. But something about this struck a chord. Being here, joking about the way things had gone for all of us after the war filled me with such sorrow, such devastating despair that I had to choke down a cry of anguish. It was all too much at once and the realization that I wasn't exactly where I was supposed to be unnerved me, shook me to the very core of my being. Why couldn't things have worked out differently between Ron and me? Why couldn't we have been together when the war ended?

I clutched the table tightly. My knuckles gleamed white and unmovable in the dim light of the kitchen. Everything seemed to be crashing down on me then. Everything that had gone wrong, everything that had been left unsaid when I'd left Easy. I missed the guys. I missed the singing, the laughing, the joking. I could see every one of their faces and it filled me with the utmost regret that I hadn't been able to say goodbye. I had to choke down the regret, the guilt, that I'd left them there in Austria without really ever saying how much they'd all meant to me. No, instead I'd written a horribly inadequate letter. A piece of paper that could have never conveyed everything I felt when I thought back on their faces.

And Ron. God, Ron! He was everything to me. Everything that I had ever wanted. That I would ever want. Right there in the lean muscles of his body, in the folds of his mind and the thin shards of his soul. It was all there and I'd messed up everything. By hesitating, by being blinded by the hope that he might have asked me what I'd most wanted to hear. That he wouldn't me forever. To be his wife and the mother of his children. It had been a fool's hope. Now everything was crashing down around me. With an air of finality that made me sure that it was irreparable. There was nothing I could ever do to get him back, to change his mind.

"Oh, dear," Frannie muttered beside me. It slipped through the caverns of my mind and pulled me from myself as her warm, soft hands slid around my own. She stood up, tugging me with her, "It's alright, nothing a good night's sleep won't cure. Besides, Bill won't be back until later tonight. He'd just left for work when you got here." I choked on my own breath, gratitude mixing with the sorrow in my heart.

"W-why are you being so nice to me? After everything I've done?"

"As strange as it is, I feel like I already know you, Becca. From everything that Bill has told me. And you aren't a bad person, Becca. You're probably the bravest woman I've ever known because you've been where a million other women have never gone before. And honestly, I'm happy to have you stay with us. I know it'll make Bill happy," she explained to me. Her voice was soft and soothing. Before I knew it, I was laying on a soft bed with cool sheets and pillows filled with feathers. My eyelids were drooping, but I tightened my grip on Frannie's hand.

"Thank you," I whispered gratefully before the darkness reached up to coax me into its warm, comforting embrace.

* * *

A gentle hand smoothed the hair away from my face. It was so comforting and so familiar. I almost didn't want to open my eyes and face the reality of a new day, not when I knew that the hand that was touching me was just a ghost. It couldn't be real. I was still in New York with nothing but the boisterous neighbors and my baby girl to keep me company.

A soft sob ripped through my throat before I could stop it. Tears burned at the back of my closed eyes and I cringed away from the warm phantom that was causing me so much grief. I didn't need that warmth. I didn't deserve it. For everything that I had done-to Bill and Ron and even Babe-I deserved whatever misery I was caused.

_Wait, Bill..._

A faint memory shimmered at the back of my mind. Before it could fully materialize, I heard a faint voice calling my name. Calling me out of the darkness and back into the world of the living.

"Becca, wake up. Sweetheart, you gotta wake up." I gasped as I opened my eyes and took in Bill Guarnere's face for the first time in what felt like a century. His face was clean-shaven and there was color in his cheeks, but it was him alright. The smile he sent me couldn't have belonged to anyone else. Despite the fact that my mind still half-believed that this was all a very real, very vivid dream, I plunged forward and wrapped my arms around him. At first, he stiffened beneath my trembling arms, but finally he relaxed in my embrace. I turned my head into his neck, pressing my nose there as I breathed in his wonderfully familiar scent. It had been so long, too long, since I had seen this man.

Just as those thoughts entered my brain, I felt my muscles begin to freeze up. I hadn't seen him since Bastogne and all the things that I had done to him then roared in the back of my mind. How could he take me into his house without wanting to throw me right back out again? How was it possible that he had forgiven me after everything that had happened between us?

Tears began to burn the backs of my eyes again and I did nothing to stop them as they rolled down my face. I loved Bill, even after all this time, not as a lover but as the older brother that I had never had. He was still my best friend, even if he wanted nothing to do with me. And the pain of the realization that nothing between us would ever be the same again...it was unbearable. I choked back another sob and wrapped my arms around myself. I was suddenly very cold. A dark chill was rising up from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. Filling, poisoning everything it came in contact with.

"Bill, I'm s-s-so sorry. I have no right to b-be here. I shouldn't h-have c-come," I gasped, surprised that I could even get those few words out. My chest refused to work properly and I could hardly draw a breath. My heart was pounding inside my chest, threatening to break my rib cage. I had to leave this place. I shouldn't have come and the only way to fix it was to leave.

"Oh, no you don't," Bill said, gently pushing me back down under the covers of my borrowed bed. I stared up at him in shock. Why was he refusing me this? Why wouldn't he let me leave? Didn't he understand that being here, with him, was a torture that I did not want to live through. Shame burned through me and I nearly screamed with the agony of it. I didn't deserve his kindness. I did not deserve anyone's kindness really. The mess that I had become in the last few months had been entirely my fault, not anyone else's.

"Bill, please, you don't u-understand what I've gone through in the past few months. I c-can't explain how much damage I've done. To y-y-you and to Babe and especially to-to..." I trailed off, unable to finish my sentence. Bill suprised me yet again by sliding onto the bed beside me and wrapping his arms around me again. I blushed, unable to push away the thought that his wife might get the wrong idea if she walked in. I didn't want to cause any problems between them, especially since Frannie seemed like such a wonderful person.

"Becca, you listen to me. I don't care what happened in the past between us. I'm married now and I forgave you a long time ago. It was just as much my fault as yours. I knew that you were in love with Speirs," he paused for a moment as a sharp shudder of what I assumed to be anger rolled through his frame, "and I pushed it and pushed it. I can admit that.

"And I know that you think you don't deserve my kindness right now, but I can see you're in a bad way, Becca. I want to help. Please let me help you," Bill said as he brushed the hair out of my eyes again. The concern and love in his eyes was more than enough incentive for me to begin my tale of mistake after mistake after mistake. I knew, somehow, that this would pass. Some day, if not soon, I would shed my misery and I would accept happiness into my life again. But for now, this was enough. Having Frannie and Bill on my side was enough.

"Well it all started a while ago when I f-finally figured out that I might be pregnant..." I began, wiping away my tears as I did so.

**Okay guys, this is the second to last chapter of this story. The next one will be up tomorrow afternoon. I am really looking forward to the reviews for this chapter! **

**A couple of things before I sign off for the night...I have to apologize for the ridiculously long wait for this chapter. I admit that it was all my fault because I kept putting off writing the last part of this chapter. In the first write-through of this chapter, I didn't write in that scene between Becca and Bill at the end. And as I haven't visited this universe in over a year, I hope that it didn't feel too rushed or anything like that. It felt off to me while I was writing it, but hopefully that won't be the case for you readers. :D**

**Also, I didn't read through this chapter for mistakes like I usually do. If anything is too confusing, then just PM me and I will try to decode my writing. ;)**

**Thirdly, I just wanted to say that I know this isn't the end of the story, but I have really enjoyed writing this one and receiving all the wonderful feedback for it that I have. I have loved being a part of the BoB community and even though I haven't dabbled in it very much over the past six months, I still love the series and I still believe that the fanfiction fandom will bounce back from its temporary drought of good stories(excluding a few and I think that you know who you are).**

**So, happy reading, I love you guys, and I look forward to hearing what you have to say about the approaching end of the story!**


	48. As Long As You're There

_I've waited for the right m__oment to let you know_

_I don't want to let you go_

_But now I realize_

_There's just no perfect time _

_To confess how we feel_

_This much I know is real_

_So I refuse to waste one more second_

_Without you_

_"As Long as You're There" by (I don't know who because Wikipedia sucks)_

**Bill's POV**

I opened the door, my mind swirling with thoughts that I'd been plagued with all day. All of them to do with Becca and what I should do about her. It was obvious that she hadn't been taking care of herself lately. Her hair was dull and hung limply about her head. Her eyes, once so full of life and vibrancy, were now two empty shells. It was as if her very soul had been sucked out of her. Because of him. The man she'd already sworn herself to forever. The one that had ultimately broken her heart and her spirit.

I yanked my coat off, throwing it haplessly onto the chair beside me as I looked around the kitchen. It was quiet and I could tell that Frannie hadn't touched the room since this morning when I'd left. I made my way into the living room and found her there flipping restlessly through the stations on the wireless. I shook my head, clearing my throat behind her as I leaned up against the entrance wall. She turned around, her brown curls bouncing wildly around her face. She sent me a tired smile before standing up and walking over toward me.

"She woken up yet?" I asked her, my voice so quiet and so serious that I had a hard time believing it was really me. Fran's eyes flickered, but other than the twitch in her smile I would have said that nothing was wrong with her. Nothing was wrong with the situation we found ourselves submerged in. I was drowning I realized. I couldn't have looked at Becca as she was now and not be filled with an aching desire to fix it, to fix everything that had gone wrong for her in the past few months.

"No, she hasn't. I don't blame her, it must have taken her a while to get here," Fran replied, moving past me to head toward the kitchen. I followed after her, shoving my hands in my pockets so that I wouldn't be tempted to punch a hole in the wall. I was just so fucking angry. Speirs didn't know what a wonderful woman he'd thrown to the curb and after all she'd given up for him, for everything that she would be giving him without him even knowing it. I had half a mind to call him up at that very moment, his schedule be damned. He deserved to know the pain that he had put her through. He deserved to know that he'd been the cause of all of it. I wanted to hurt him just as badly as he'd hurt Becca.

"Oh no you don't, Bill Guarnere!" Fran shouted, her voice breaking me from my thoughts for the first time. I looked up at her in confusion and then realized that I held our phone in my hand, "I can see what you're thinking, and I'm telling you not to get involved unless she wants you to. Calm the hell down and sit in that chair." I listened to her, not even knowing why I was doing as she said. Maybe it was because she was right. I had no business putting my nose in her affairs, not after all that had happened between us back in Bastogne. But I couldn't help but feel the familiar twinge in my heart at the thought of how much she must be hurting. Then an idea suddenly sparked in my mind. Standing up, I moved again toward the phone. I could almost feel Frannie's gaze burning holes in the back of my head. I smirked a little while my back was still facing her.

"Don't get yer panties in a twist now, Fran, I'm calling Babe. He was there with her longer than I was. He'll know what to do," I said, dialing the operator and then placing the phone at my ear.

"Operator, how may I direct your call?" the woman's soft voice said from the other line. I told her Babe's name and address. She put me straight through and before I knew it, Babe had picked up his phone.

"If this is Bill, I'm gonna kill ya. You've called me three times this week already," Babe said, chuckling into the mouth piece. I rolled my eyes and slid down into the chair I'd just left. I felt suddenly weak all over. Helpless and hopeless about how to help Becca. I hated the feeling almost as much as I hated Speirs in that moment.

But I knew that I had to get over it for the moment. I desperately needed Babe's help. He'd been there with her to the very end and it was him that would be able to tell me everything. I had only gotten so much last night from my conversation with Becca.

"Shut up ya Mick!" I replied, a grin appearing on my face despite the news that I had to share, "Got somethin' to ask you. Somethin' important."

"Oh, Jesus, what's happened?" Babe asked, his voice tinged with so much concern that I almost considered telling him that I was just kidding. I hated to involved him, hated having to go to him for help, but it was my only real option.

"It's Becca-," I began, but his voice cut in immediately.

"Becca?" Babe shouted into his end of the phone. My ears rang with the amount of emotion in his voice. He sounded suddenly winded, almost as if he'd just received a harsh blow to his chest. "What about Becca? Have you heard from her or somethin'?" I couldn't explain what made my heart beat uncomfortably in my chest at that moment. But something was not right. Something was off and the fact that I couldn't figure out what it was freaked me out almost more than Babe's reaction to Becca's name.

"Babe, calm the hell down! You come over here actin' like that and you're gonna send her running for the hills!"

"Becca's at your house? Fucking Christ, Bill, why didn't ya tell me sooner? I'll be right over!" And with that, he hung up the phone. I rolled my eyes and stared at the phone for a few silent minutes before I hung it back up.

"He coming over?" Frannie asked from her spot at the stove. I shook my head in exasperation, raking my hand through my hair. My thoughts were jumping erratically from subject to subject, giving my head the dull throb of an oncoming headache.

"Yep," I replied simply, sending her a knowing look over my shoulder, "Kid doesn't waste any time does he?"

"You'd be the same way, Bill, if she'd gone to him instead of you," Frannie said. Her voice wavered slightly and I closed my eyes for a second, realizing for the first time that I hadn't taken a second to wonder how she must feel about all this. I stood up and went to her, wrapping my arms around her waist and kissing the back of her neck. Her knees went limp beneath her and I had to pin her gently to the counter to stop her from sliding to the ground.

"You know, I never stopped to think how you must be feeling about all of this. I just-I don't know," I mumbled against the back of her neck, tightening my hold on her and trying to make her see that this wasn't personal. I wasn't intentionally pushing her to the back of my priorities.

"I understand, Bill. And as jealous as I am that she got to spend some of the most important moments in your life so far with you instead of me, I'm happy she's here. I think she really needs us, Bill," Frannie whispered as she hung her head. I had the urge to spin her around and kiss her until we were both breathless and our heads were spinning, but Babe chose that moment to knock on our door. She sighed shakily, turning in my arms and pushing me away toward the door. Both of us knew that if I made him wait any more, he'd bust down the door. I groaned in frustration, dragging my fingers through my hair again before closing my hand around the door knob and pulling it open. His flaming red hair shot right past me. I could almost feel the nerves rolling off his body in waves.

"Jesus, Babe, the hell's gotten into you?" I demanded, shutting the door and bolting the locks against the wind and snow that were trying to fill the house. I shuddered, turning to my best friend and raising my eyebrows at his pale face and glinting eyes.

"Where is she? Is she in the living room?" he asked me, making as if he was going to go check for her in every nook and cranny in the place. I shook my head and grabbed his arm, dragging him back to the kitchen table, pushing him into my vacated seat. I took a seat across from him and looked imploringly in his eyes. Why was he acting this way? And what had Becca yet to tell me about when she'd left Austria?

"She's upstairs sleeping, Babe," Fran said from the stove as she started making dinner. It was just one of those nights where I didn't even care what she made. The headache forming at the back of my skull gave a sharp, piercing throb and I closed my eyes to the lights for a moment as I winced. Opening them again, I stared at Babe who was shaking his head while he gazed down at his hands. Unseeing, unaware of what he was doing until I laid a hand on his arm.

"Heff, talk to me," I mumbled. I had to know what was going on. If I didn't, then there was no chance in helping her at all. He sighed heavily, pulling his arm away from me. Leaning back in his chair, he finally met my eyes.

"What has she told you?" I told him the story she'd came out with last night. He chuckled humorlessly when I was done, his hand shaking visibly in his lap.

"Guess she didn't tell you that she just up and left without a day's notice from Austria. Scared the living shit out of me," Babe muttered, pulling his jacket off and draping it over the back of his chair. I figured he'd be staying a while. At least until Becca woke up, which I guessed would be pretty soon. She'd been out for almost thirteen hours.

"And I'm guessing she didn't tell _you _that she's fucking pregnant," I said, not hesitating in telling him. From the time I'd left, it had never occurred to me that Babe might become her friend. It was so obvious now though. It would explain why he'd come over on a moment's notice. And why he was shaking and acting so nervous. Nothing could have prepared me for the silence that descended on the room then. I stared at Babe, watched the color fade from his cheeks again. Watched the lights dull within his blue orbs. He slumped over in his chair, all the fight and the nerves fleeing from him to be left with nothing but a helpless, defeated man.

"That explains a lot," he whispered.

"Yeah, well, imagine the shock we got last night when she showed up here pregnant and freezing. Not to mention it looks like she's been through the ringer since she got back. What he hell happened to her before she left? It must have been bad."

"It was. Fuckin' Speirs! He thought she was seeing someone else behind his back. It's a wonder she ever got involved with that prick. He's arrogant and selfish. Not to mention he treated her like shit all the time," he spouted off, his ears and cheeks turning red again from his frustration and anger. I looked pointedly over his shoulder at Fran who was standing there with her hands on her hips. Staring at Babe with her narrowed gaze. I almost laughed when he had the decency to look embarrassed.

"Sorry, Frannie. You gotta understand, Becca couldn't have picked a worse guy in the 2nd Battalion to fall in love with."

"That's just the thing though, you can't say stuff like that to her, Babe. She's feeling sorry enough as it is without you pulling that over on her. She just-she needs time and we have to help her through that. Much as I'd like to shoot that guy in the foot for being so stupid," I said, clapping him on the shoulder before standing up and getting us both a beer from the refrigerator. He took it gratefully, popped the cap off, and took a healthy swig before he was able to say anything else.

"So what do we do now? She staying here with you guys for now?"

"Yeah, for now," Fran said as she turned towards us, putting her back against the counter, "Until we can get her on her feet. Get her a steady job and a place to live. Maybe she'll end up staying here in Philly." I nodded, my thoughts pulling me back to the woman sleeping upstairs as soon as the silence filled the room again. I had no idea how we were all going to get through this, but one thing was for sure. Becca was here now and we had to help her in any way we could.

**Becca's POV**

A soft hand brushing the curls away from my face woke me up from the comfortable slumber I had been in for who knew how long. Warm skin traced a faint path from my jaw to the roots of my hair. And the lightest kiss was planted on my forehead before the sensations disappeared entirely. Confused, not knowing where I was or who I was with, I shot up in bed and strained my eyes to take in my surroundings. I saw a shadow moving toward the door and my pulse thudded loudly in my ears. Whoever it was, I didn't want to be left alone again. It gave me time to think. Time to reflect, and I didn't want that at all.

"Wait!" I gasped. The darkness froze into one narrow point filled with doubt and fear. Who was with me? And where was I? The shadow shifted as the person turned around and made their way back toward me. I inhaled a sharp breath, the air catching painfully in my chest. They didn't say anything as they took up their seat beside me on the bed. And in the darkness, I couldn't tell for sure who it was. Something about the pleasant silence reminded me of someone. Someone I hadn't seen in almost six months. I reached out toward the mass that had to be their face and felt the familiar curve of the jaw.

"Babe?" I whispered, tears springing immediately to my eyes. It couldn't be. Every memory from the previous night flooded back to me. Bill and his wife. The snow and the bitter cold. The warmth as I snuggled beneath the bed sheets.

"Yeah, kid, it's me," he muttered, throwing his arms around me and pulling me tightly to his chest. I breathed him in silently, trying to contain the happiness that had engulfed me so completely. I couldn't believe that all in one day, I'd managed to get two of the most important men back in my life. Both Babe and Bill had been my rocks in Europe and I knew that it would remain the same here. I was so happy that at least that had not changed. So many things had been altered irreversibly. I bit my lip, burying my face in his shoulder as the tears began to run down my face. Drop after drop until I was sure that I couldn't cry any more. I'd done enough crying for three lifetimes and I knew that I didn't want to do it anymore. I was so tired of being weak. So tired.

"I'm so sorry, Babe. About leaving you all there without a day's notice. But I-I couldn't have said goodbye. I would never have left. And I had to. I hope you understand," I whispered, my lips moving so fast that I wondered if he'd understood any of it. When his arms tightened around me, I knew that he had. Something unexpected happened then. It jolted my heart and made me gasp in surprise. Sarah kicked against my stomach at exactly the point where Babe was pressed against me. He leaned away from me, staring down into my eyes with an awed smile on his face.

"Was that the-the baby?" he asked me, his eyebrows shooting to the sky when I nodded. I grabbed his hand and placed it on the spot where she usually kicked me and immediately, she responded to his touch. I could tell that she was happy to see him. It was as if she could sense who it was.

"It's a girl. Sarah. I think she likes her Uncle Eddie," I giggled. A dark look passed over his face when I said that. But then it was wiped away instantly as soon as Sarah kicked against his palm again. He smiled at me before leaning forward again and kissing my forehead.

"Don't you worry your pretty little head, Becca. We're gonna get you through this, okay? Everything's gonna be alright," he whispered. And sitting there in his strong, comforting embrace, I couldn't help but believe every word of what he'd just said.

_**January 20, 1946**_

I was jerked awake by a searing sensation that made my entire body tremble. Wave after wave of pain filled me and I had to bite down on my closed fist to keep from crying out. This had never happened before and I knew somehow that this was it. Trying to calm myself down, I reached down between my legs and felt the bed spread. It was completely soaked. And as the pain faded away, I knew that I had to get up and tell Bill and Frannie.

They'd been so good to me the past month and I didn't know what I would have done without their help. Or Babe's come to think of it. I'd stayed over at his place a few times too, just to give the two love birds some peace and quiet. It was funny, but all the jealousy and all the lingering desire I'd felt for Bill had vanished. Slowly but surely, I knew I was coming to the realization that maybe Ron and I weren't meant to be. Maybe this has been my fate all along. To lose him only to gain another family in his place. Me, Babe, Bill, Frannie, and Sarah. I grinned, thinking about it.

"Shit," I whispered, trying hard not to cry out again as another contraction hit me a few seconds later. I stumbled out of bed, my fingers gripping the edge of the bed as I struggled to stay on my own two feet. The contraction passed and I was able to breathe again. I gulped in air, feeling the pounding of my heart against its barred cage as well as the rolling of my insides. God, I'd never been in this much pain. Never.

When another contraction ripped through me, I knew that walking to their bedroom was out of the question.

"Bill! Fran! The baby's coming!" I screamed suddenly, desperately hoping that they heard me. I didn't think I could manage yelling for them a second time.

"Fucking Christ, ya serious?" Bill replied groggily. I heard him banging around in their room.

"Bill, I think she'd know if she was having a baby or not! Why did I ever marry you again?"

"Because you love each other! Now could you please come and help me?" I shouted back, gritting my teeth as another wave of agony cut me through to my very core. A moment later, Bill and Fran burst into the room and flicked on the light switch. Shut my eyes against the bright light, trying to count the minutes between contractions. It was about seven minutes between each one. And they each lasted around thirty seconds. I shook my head. Soon. The baby was coming very soon and I needed to get to the hospital.

* * *

"Push!" Frannie and the doctor shouted. She was standing right beside me, her hand gripping mine just as tightly as I was holding hers. I should have felt the tingles in my hand as my nerves grew numb, but I couldn't think beyond the pain. I took a deep breath and pushed with all my might, sending shock waves through my body as I felt her being pulled out of me. Suddenly, completely, finally. My lips trembled, every nerve in my body screaming with relief as the strained cry filled the small, white room. I smiled, my breath rolling from my lips in a strangled sigh. I leaned backwards into the sweat-drenched pillows and closed my eyes for the first time in hours. It had taken so long to get her out. And for those few hours, I had been terrified that the pain and agony would last forever.

"Miss Harris, do you want to hold your daughter?" one of the nurses asked me. I could feel the need to hold her even now creeping past the exhaustion that was trying to drag me backwards into the black oblivion of sleep. I smiled and nodded, sitting up again with a little difficult. With the strength I hadn't known I'd been holding onto, I opened my eyes and held my leaden arms out to take the small, wiggling bundle into my arms. She wasn't wailing now, just letting out small whimpering noises. It tugged at my heart strings and made me want to smooth all her troubles away in an instant.

A mixture of joy and utter despair filled me. Joy at the sight of her dark crown and searching fingers as she relaxed slightly into my arms. And despair at the knowledge that Ron would never know her. I'd ruined everything with him by hesitating, by not telling him that he was all I'd ever wanted and all that I'd ever need. It was all my fault. Everything. The only thing that I hadn't managed to push away completely was the little girl in my arms. I stroked the side of her face, grinning when she turned her face to my finger. Her lips opened and closed in a soundless request to be fed.

"She's so beautiful, Becca," I heard Frannie whisper beside me. I looked up into her honest, open face and couldn't help but feel like I might have lost the best thing that had ever happened to me but I'd gained a true friend in her. I smiled at her, wanting to say so much to her. About how grateful I was to her and Bill. About how she'd been one of the only reasons I had for living anymore. All that came out, though, was a simple-

"Thank you, Frannie, for everything." Her eyes widened slightly at my sincere tone. I watched her warm eyes soften even more. Then, she nodded and placed a gentle kiss to my forehead.

"I have to go, but Bill and I will be back later on, okay?" Frannie called over her shoulder as she walked toward the door. She paused quietly at the open hospital room door and turned around to fix me with a curious stare, "Did you decide on a name?" I looked from her brightly shining eyes to the baby in my arms. She was whimpering quietly again, her fingers closing around my own in a tight grasp that I was amazed she was capable of.

"Sarah. Sarah Lynn Speirs."

* * *

I watched with a smile on my face as Babe took Sarah from the nurse and draped her in his arms. It had been a few days since she'd finally arrived into the world and I couldn't have been happier.

_Oh yes you could. _A voice snidely shot back. I groaned inwardly, knowing that I would never be whole until I was with Ron again. It was stupid. That I'd fallen in love and gotten so wrapped up in him that a happy life now seemed impossible without him in it. I had to wonder if things would ever change. If I would meet someone new and fall madly head-over-heels in love with them. I wondered if the hole in my chest would ever heal. And I wondered if Sarah would ever get the chance to meet her father.

I doubted he would want anything to do with her now anyway. Or me for that matter. I'd probably faded to the back of his mind by now. A distant memory that was fading faster as the days trickled by. I shook my head as tears stung the backs of my eyes. I couldn't change the past and it was high time that I remembered that.

I quickly turned my eyes back on Babe, who was grinning down at his god daughter with the happiest expression I'd ever seen on his face. He'd been so helpful over the past few days. In a way I was glad because I didn't want to be left all alone here with Sarah. She needed other people to interact with, not just me. But in a way, I also wished that he would leave and not come back. It would make leaving again so much easier. I had no idea if, now that Sarah had been born, Bill and Fran would let me live at their house anymore. I was sure that after the past month of having me there they were sick of me. I had to go out and find a job so I could support myself.

"What's got you all in a tizzy, Smalls?" Babe's voice broke through my trance. I snapped my head up to stare into his blue eyes. They were shining with concern and confusion. I shook my head, swiveling my gaze toward the window. The sun was smiling boldly at us from it's place in the afternoon sky.

"It's just-I'm just thinking," I whispered, wringing my hands together nervously. Why did he always have to be so observant?

"Listen, if you're thinking about Speirs again, I already told ya. If ya want me and Bill to call him up, we will. He deserves to know even if he is a-," he paused, glancing down at Sarah for a moment before he covered her ears with his hands, "prick." I squared my shoulders, anger rising up temporarily to replace the unrelenting sorrow in my chest.

"Babe, I don't want to talk about it. Just-give her to me and leave. I can't talk about it right now. It's too soon," I muttered. His eyebrows shot up and I could see the surprise on his face as he heard my words. But, he handed me Sarah and turned toward the door again.

"You think you'll be calm tomorrow? I don't wanna get my head bit off again," Babe asked me, the tone of his voice clearly showing me that he was ticked that I'd told him off. What else could I do? I was drowning. Couldn't he see that every time he looked at me? Or had I become that good at hiding things from the people I loved? He walked out and closed the door without waiting to hear my reply.

With that snap of finality, the flood gates burst open again. The anger was washed away by the misery and by the reality that I'd been trying to avoid for the past six months. I looked down at the little girl in my arms. I stared at the familiar shape of her lips and nose. And the hair color that matched Ron's perfectly. She was the spitting image of her father in almost every way. Except for her eyes. She had my cerulean blue eyes. I smiled down at her sadly.

"What are we gonna do?" I whispered, planting kisses on her soft skin as the tears rolled silently down my face.

"I wish things could be different for you, Sarah," I sobbed, holding her to my chest. She snuggled against me, her tiny fingers wrapping themselves in my shirt. I leaned backwards against the headboard, trying desperately to will the tears and the pain away, completely unaware that Babe hadn't left at all. He was still staring at me through the window, a plot forming in his mind and a smile curling his lips.

**Ron's POV**

_**May 5, 1946**_

I was surrounded by people every minute of every day. The other officers invited me to the bar every Friday night. I'd go, get so wasted that I had no recollection of how I'd even gotten home, and fall asleep sprawled on my bed until noon the next day. And even if I enjoyed their company most of the time, they were not my friends. I was completely and utterly alone.

I knew I had no one to blame but myself. My eyes found the sheet of paper for the last time. I snatched it off the desk, my fingers trembling around it with such force that it collapsed in my grasp. Nothing but a pile of tree fibers and stupid words. Words that would never reach her eyes. Words that I had never wanted to send to her more. I threw it into the fire place. The crackling flames consumed it at once. And as the letter turned to smoldering ash, I couldn't help but wonder for the millionth time what she was doing now. Where she was, if she was seeing someone else, if she was happy. I cringed, my knees threatening to give way to my anger.

How could I have been so stupid as to let her go? What a fool I'd been. Looking back on it now, I wished every day that I could take back what I'd said and do it differently. So much pain and doubt had exploded into one hell of a disaster. And after that, everything had gone down hill. I crossed the room to sink down into the desk chair again. I fumbled for the bottle of whiskey I always kept handy. Just to dull the pain, just to make me believe that I might someday stand a chance to forget about her. But the memory of her always came back to haunt me. Always.

The sudden, jarring sound of the phone ringing made me jump to my feet, my heart racing a million miles per hour inside my chest. Some part of me wished that it wold be her on the other line. Begging me to come back to her, begging me to see reason. It would never happen though. I'd hurt her too much. Shaking my head, I crossed the room and grasped the phone in my hand. Taking a deep, even breath, I finally picked it up and held it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"This Ron Speirs?" I stared in shock at the white walls in front of my face. What the hell was Bill Guarnere doing calling me?

"Yeah, what the hell do you want?" I growled into the mouth piece, daring him to say something funny to me. I was just in that kind of mood that I would be willing to fly to wherever he was just to kick the shit out of him.

"Well I'm gonna guess by the bad attitude that you haven't heard from Becca in a while."

"You got me nailed, Guarnere. Now what do you want? I'm busy," I snapped. All of this was just too coincidental. Me thinking about her and then the one person I would have rather died than hear from again calling me and talking about her. I shuddered, wondering what this was all about.

"Listen, I'm not gonna bullshit ya. Becca's here in Philly and she's not doin' so hot," he told me. I growled again, finally figuring out why he was calling. To gloat and to ask for my advice on how to handle her mood swings. I ran a hand through my hair, the rage rising within me and knocking every other thought out of my head.

And not to mention, the way he'd said it made me sure that he thought I was to blame for why she was acting this way. I rolled my eyes though. One thing was for sure. I'd rather eat my own hand than talk to Bill Guarnere about his relationship problems. Especially not when it involved Becca.

"No, you listen, don't ever call me again. I don't know what you think you're playing at, but I don't wanna hear you gloat about finally getting her," I said, and slammed the phone back down on the table. Not a moment later, it rang again.

"Jesus Christ," I muttered, leaning down to pull the phone out of the wall. I went and laid down on the bed, my entire body pulsing with rage. I held onto that anger. Because the alternative was to think of her face as I'd told her to get out of my life, and that I couldn't bare a second time.

**Bill's POV**

_**September 7, 1946**_

"Disconnected the phone again, the bastard!" I muttered, keeping my voice down so that Becca and Frannie wouldn't hear me. Babe sat across from me, his mouth set in a grim frown. I'd been trying to get a hold of him since May. And nothing I'd done had worked so far. He'd pick up the phone one in a while just to see if maybe I'd stopped calling, but whenever he heard my voice, he would hang up immediately. Four damn months and I had nothing to show for it.

Things had gotten better after May passed us by. She'd started eating at every meal again and she took Sarah out on walks and out to the park every chance she got. Whenever she was with that little girl, it seemed like all the sadness had been washed away from her eyes, but I caught it sometimes when she thought she was alone. When she thought that no one else was watching her. I couldn't bare to see her like that anymore. She was the last person who deserved that kind of pain.

"Told ya it wouldn't work," Babe said, pulling me out of my thoughts, grabbing his bottle of beer and downing a long, healthy swallow. I smacked him upside the head, rolling my eyes.

"It was your idea, Babe," I whispered darkly, a furrow forming between my eyebrows. This was obviously going to be much harder than I thought. If Speirs thought that Becca had come back to Philly to be with me, he was sorely mistaken. But how could I make him see that? How could I make him see reason when he wouldn't return my phone calls? Along with worrying about Becca and Sarah, trying to work with a fake leg, and thinking about organizing the first Easy Company reunion, I was ready to give up. Then, suddenly, a light bulb went off in my head. I snapped my head up to look at Babe. I clapped him on the shoulder, my mouth twisting into a mischievous smile.

"Babe, I think I know what to do. You know how we've been organizing the Easy Reunion?" I asked him, leaning in close so that I didn't have to speak above a whisper. I didn't want Becca to hear. She'd throw a fit if she knew the efforts we were taking to see her happy again.

"Yeah, you think you can get Sparky there? Cause if that's what you're saying Bill, he won't listen to you. No matter what you say." My grin grew even wider and I leaned backwards again in my seat, crossing my arms over my chest.

"You're right, he won't. But he'll listen to Winters."

_**June 16, 1947**_

"You sure you got him to say yes, sir?" I asked Winters for what seemed like the hundredth time. And even the stoic, patient saint himself was glaring at me in frustration now.

"Yes, Bill. Loosen up. Otherwise, Becca will catch onto all of us," Nixon said from Winters' other side. I sighed heavily, shoving my hands into my pockets.

The past year had gone by so quickly, it was almost unbelievable to finally be standing in the midst of all the Easy Company guys I'd been missing for so long. There were some new faces that I'd left too soon to know, but it didn't matter. We'd all been a part of Easy and we all deserved to be there.

Things had gotten easier for Becca too. Some days, it was like nothing bad had ever happened to her at all. She'd gotten a job as a nurse at the hospital where Sarah had been born. She loved it there. The staff had welcomed her with open arms and the pay wasn't that bad either. She'd moved out about six months ago into a two-room apartment just down the street from Babe and me. It was funny, thinking that she'd never get over Speirs. But she made it look like she had. Only Babe, Frannie, and I knew the truth. It was something we all saw and talked about constantly. We all had wanted to take that haunted look from her eyes for a long time now.

I was torn from my thoughts when something solid wrapped itself around my leg. I glanced down and saw the familiar bundle of dark curls bouncing wildly on top of Sarah's head. I leaned down to scoop her up into my arms.

"Hey there, Sarah, where's your mommy?" I asked her, taking her tiny fingers in my hand and squeezing them. She giggled, smiling up at me with those bright blue eyes sparkling in the dim glow from the chandeliers. It was amazing that she looked exactly like Speirs except for those eyes.

"Mama," she said, pointing through the crowd until I saw Becca standing next to Babe at the refreshments table. I nodded, kissing her on the forehead before putting her down on the ground again. As soon as I did, she took off back toward Becca. She was squealing and giggling, making people's heads turn. It was strange thinking that none of the other families at the reunion had thought to bring their children. Little Sarah was the only one and she seemed to be enjoying the attention a bit too much.

I chuckled, turning back to Winters to ask him something when I saw him. Standing in the entrance way was Ronald Speirs. Even to me, he looked a little nervous. That was saying something since he was one of the toughest guys I knew. He was an idiot for letting Becca go without finding out the truth, but it didn't mean I didn't respect him.

"That's my cue," I muttered, making my way through the crowd to him. He was scanning the crowd, looking for her. I saw his eyes land on her and Sarah a moment before he saw me.

"Hey," I said, holding my hand out for him to shake. He stared at me for a moment before taking my hand firmly in his grasp and shaking it.

"Who's the father?" he asked me suddenly, his dark eyes boring holes into my own, "She yours?" I chuckled, looking over my shoulder at two of the most important girls in my life.

"Did Winters mention I have a wife? Her name's Fran," I explained, pulling out a picture of Becca and Sarah and handing it to him. He took it skeptically, but didn't look at it right away. There was something in the stiffness of his body and the way his eyes darted her way every other second that made me sure that he still had feelings for her. I wouldn't have thought a man like Speirs could love anyone else, but I didn't know him that well so I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. My heart was racing just at the thought of Becca being reunited with him. I knew she would be happy. She had to be. No matter how much better she'd gotten over the past year, it didn't change the fact that she wasn't the woman she used to be. Not by a longshot.

"No, he didn't mention that. Guess I, uh, owe you an apology," he said, shooting a quick, almost apologetic grimace at me before turning his eyes to the picture. He stared at it. For a minute. Then five. Then ten before he finally looked up at me again. His face was full of hesitant wonder and the only thing I felt I could do was push him toward Becca and Sarah.

**Becca's POV**

"Mommy!" Sarah whispered, tugging on the hem of my skirt and pointing behind me at someone. I kneeled down beside her, tugging her hand away from my clothes and kissing her on the nose. It was times like these when she really looked like him. Her entire face was set in determination.

"Sweetie, it's not polite to point," I told her, catching her in my arms for a hug. Lifting her as I stood up, I turned back to Babe only to find that he'd walked off. I rolled my eyes in exasperation before looking back at Sarah.

"Uncle Babe doesn't have any manners does he?" I asked her. She giggled, swinging her head from side to side.

"Nope," she said, smiling brightly. Something caught her eye over my shoulder. I watched her eyes grow wide. And her lips curled upward into the sweetest, most adorable smile I'd ever seen. I hugged her tighter, wishing Ron could be here to see this. Wishing that I could just take back everything that had happened the past year and a half. Just so that I could be in his arms again.

"Mommy," Sarah said, tugging on my shirt and pointing again. I closed my eyes for a moment, pushing the memories to the back of my mind as I usually did these days. I tried to grab for her hand to tell her to stop when I turned my head and caught sight of a familiar profile. My heart leapt immediately into my throat. Fire licked at every inch of my skin and I had to suck in a sharp breath when I realized that I wasn't dreaming. This was real. Ron was standing not five feet away from me, staring at me like a man drowning who'd just found a river. His eyes were burning into me and I didn't think I could survive the flames. But then he strode forward and captured Sarah and I into a hug that seemed to last forever. I leaned into him, all the pain and all the misery flying away as if it had never happened. I felt like the past year and a half had _never happened_. I gasped softly at the feel of his lips on my hair, on my forehead, trailing lower and lower until he was hairs-breadth away from kissing me for the first time in so long. I closed my eyes expectantly, but as soon as the feeling captured me in its unrelenting hold, he pulled away. Leaving me unsatisfied and ready to stomp my foot in frustration. I hadn't felt this carefree, this _light _in almost two years. It was amazing how the presence of this man could affect me.

"Becca," he whispered, his hand landing gently on my shoulder. For a moment the world stopped spinning. There was nothing else but the feeling of his skin touching mine. I opened my eyes and smiled hopefully at him, "I'm so sorry, Becca." Sarah clutched tighter to my shirt, burying her face in my chest as she heard her father speak for the first time. She didn't know that he was her father, but I had a feeling just maybe she might know soon. I held my breath as he struggled to force the next words out.

"I was an idiot for saying all those things to you. And I'm asking you to forgive me," he said, his eyes wide with desperation. I stared up at him, disbelieving that Ronald Speirs was really standing in front of me begging for forgiveness. I opened my mouth to say that of course I did. Forgiving him would be the easiest thing to do. His fingers brushed against my lips, shutting me up at once. His eyes flashed with desire and the smirk I had missed so much curled his lips to the sky.

"Forgive me," he said. Then bending down on one knee, he pulled a ring from his pocket and held it up to me, "And do me the honor of being my wife?" I gazed down at him, my heart fit to burst with elation. I took a steadying breath and the dizziness that had been threatening to take over me subsided a little. Trembling from happiness and anxiety, I nodded. I didn't care how much time had passed us by. I didn't care about the stupid fight that had ultimately led us to this moment. And I didn't care that my life had done a complete 180 degree turn in the space of five minutes. All that mattered was that this gorgeous man in front of me was finally, _finally_, asking me to spend the rest of my life with him.

"Yes, I'll marry you, Ron," I whispered, tears springing to my eyes. And this time, for the first time in a long time, he was able to wipe the tears away for me. He stood up, slipped the ring on my finger, and wrapped me up in another hug. His lips found mine immediately and for once, I was glad of the solid barrier keeping us from touching any more than we already were. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling that for the first time in my life, everything was absolutely perfect.

**Well, I made some adjustments to this chapter. I hope that captain ty and everyone else approves. I am so proud of this story and I hope that you all enjoyed the ride as much as I did. **

**Thank you so much to everyone who supported this fic throughout it's crazy journey. A special thanks goes out to all of my reviewers: AivieEnchanted, captain ty, Sairahiniel, BrokenAngel1753, EmmyMK, gothique4, Dean's Leather Jacket, beccasmind, EllieMayy, Roossmit, eurogirl14, Dancing in Red, VendingMachine, Finelame86, K. S. Midgard, .X, 100zx, Nemo, BloodUponTheRisers, Karla with the K, The Fox Familiar, guest, some person who wanted to remain anonymous on chapter 37(my words, not theirs), Kay, and Amy. And for those of you who religiously reviewed each chapter: thank you SO MUCH! It's fans like you who really keep me going. I love you guys and to show you that love, I actually have a surprise for you!**

**I'm starting a new BoB fic! I'm so stoked for it and I think that it's going to be really interesting to write. That being said, I'm hoping that I get the majority of it done during the summer. When I go back to college this fall, it's gonna be CRAZY insane! I'm going to update my profile in a few days with some more details about this new story. For now, I'm sorry to keep you in the dark...mostly because I'm still in the dark at this point. That muse of mine is one sneaky little girl! **

**Thank you all again and I can't wait to go on another (hopefully long) journey with you!**

**-Andrea**


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